Freezer Burn

Twenty-five

They bought the paint and Gidget made it a point not to stand too close to Bill or to look in any way interested in him while they got it and went through the checkout line.

They left there, and on their way home she asked him if he was supposed to buy her something.

“Frost said if you want it.”

“I don’t want it, but if I did, it’d be about ten dollars’ worth. Give me the ten dollars.”

Bill worked his wallet out and put it on the seat. She took ten, and then a five.

“Say I’m real hungry. I think I should get what you would have spent, don’t you?”

“I guess.”

They drove on and Gidget had him pull down a little clay road and onto a trail that wound up a hill into a clutch of trees overlooking the road below through pine limbs. The road and trail were muddy from all the rain and Bill feared they’d get stuck, but they forged on, sliding a bit, and finally they came to rest at the peak of the hill. Gidget lit up a cigarette and looked out the open window. She spent a few minutes doing that, neither of them talking.

“Years ago, when I was in high school, I used to park with a boyfriend up here. He was a smart, neat guy. Good-looking enough. He wanted to go to college and take care of me and he thought I had some art talent. He thought I could do something with it. I wasn’t patient enough. He went on and did well. Me, I’m still out here.”

“What about me, baby?”

“You’re something, hon. I like the way you look. You’re kind of cheap and not too smart and probably rotten to the core, just like me. We deserve one another.”

Bill tried to decide if that was a compliment. While he was contemplating, Gidget hiked up her dress with one hand while she smoked with the other, and showed him she didn’t have on panties. She lay back on the seat and threw one leg on the dash and took another hit off her smoke.

“You haven’t got time to get fancy, and you don’t need to make me come, but I figured you’d probably want a little of this. Sooie, honey! Come and get it.”

Bill unbuckled his pants and pushed them and his underwear down to his knees and showed her that he did indeed want a little of it. He felt a little ashamed to just jump on her, but not so proud he didn’t do it. She smoked with one hand and stroked the back of his head with the other. Once when he looked up, her eyes were half closed and smoke was rolling out of her nostrils, and he assumed, somewhat painfully, that she was thinking of the college boy she didn’t marry. He made sure that with every stroke he hurt her a little.

Five minutes later he finished and she lit up a fresh cigarette. Five minutes after that the car was churning through sticky mud, but they made it, got back on the road and slid around there until they reached the highway.

Bill said, “I feel kinda guilty, just knocking off a piece like that. Not doing anything for you.”

“Hey, it felt all right. We didn’t have time for nothing else. I wanted you to remember what it is you’re gonna be gettin’ regular-like when Frost is dead.”

Bill sighed.

“It’ll be all right. Listen here. You love me?”

“Yes.”

“More than anything?”

“Sure.”

“Then there isn’t any holdup, is there?”

Bill didn’t answer.

When they got back to the carnival Conrad was outside, smoking a cigarette, looking at the stars. He watched Bill and Gidget carefully. Gidget got out of the car and nodded at Conrad and went inside the motor home. Bill thought about the wrench a moment, then went over and stood by Conrad, bummed a smoke. Conrad lit him up.

“So,” said Conrad, “you’ve taken up smoking?”

“I used to smoke my Mom’s cigarettes. But just when I was nervous.”

“You’re nervous?”

“Not really. I don’t know. I guess.”

“About what?”

“Life.”

“You stayin’ out of ditches?”

“Sure.”

“I mean little ditches with hair round the edges.”

“Sure. Old man just sent us into town for paint, that’s all. How’s it with Synora?”

“U.S. Grant? Hell, no one really calls her Synora. She’s talking about shaving her beard, though. Then maybe that’s what she ought to be called. She’s lost some pounds lately, thinking about going straight and looking good. Me, I guess I’m stuck this way or no way.”

“She not going to stay with the carnival?”

“I don’t know. I seen this special on TV the other night. It was on carny folks, about how all of ’em really love the life. Let me tell you, from my viewpoint the life sucks. If she can leave the carnival, go straight, I was her, I’d do it. She could maybe even get that electrolysis, or whatever it is that removes hair permanently.”

“That’d be all right, I reckon.”

“What I figure, she leaves, well, that’s it for me. Unless she wants to keep a dog in the suburbs. You know, buy me a little doggie bowl, take me for walks. She leaves here, she’s got some kind of degree she earned by correspondence. She don’t have to do this. Me, I not only don’t have a degree, I look like a goddamn dog.”

“But a very nice dog.”

Conrad laughed.

“It’ll work out.”

“Yeah,” Conrad said, dropping his cigarette butt on the ground, grinding it with the leather band on his hand. “It’ll work out all right, but I may not like how it works.”

Conrad looked up at the whirligig. The starlight made the paint shine, though you couldn’t really tell anything about the color.

“I got to give it to Frost,” Conrad said. “Damn thing does look better. Least in the dark.”

“We didn’t finish,” Bill said. “We got to do that tomorrow. Up there at the top we got places to paint.”

“Yeah, well, I should have got up there and helped him, I guess. I was pretty hard-ass. Actually, I’m quite a climber, I just don’t want him to know it. So I lied.”

“It don’t matter. Tomorrow morning we’ll finish. I’m dreading the shit out of it, but we’ll get it done.”

Conrad pulled back his rubbery lips and showed his teeth. There were bits of tobacco in them.

“Bill, you know, you’re all right.”

“Thanks. You ain’t so bad yourself.”

“You fish much?”

“Used to, some.”

“That river out there calms down tomorrow, we ought to drop a line in there. Whatdaya say?”

“It’s something to think about.”

“I got the tackle.”

“Well, all right.”

“Good. Me, I’m going to see if I can catch a program on the television, then see if I can get lucky with Synora.”

“Yeah, well be careful doing that. You’ll get stinky on your dinky.”

“One can hope.”