Getting Out

23

The world was ending.

Norma had moved out here with her two best friends after college. It was supposed to be just for a summer, but it was a summer that had never ended. They were all very close, and shared everything together, gossip about the men they were dating, their wine, their clothes.

They’d all gotten jobs and stayed through the first season. Now it was over twenty years later, and the world was ending.

Norma hadn’t thought that it would end this way.

Her parents had died. Her brothers and sisters had moved far away a long time ago.

Norma had enjoyed the area, going for hikes and walks, learning to fish. She’d taught middle school there, and her two roommates had worked as clerks at a grocery store. None of them needed much money—they split the rent, and didn’t exactly spend a lot. They’d all shared the one compact car.

It was an unusual lifestyle, but it had worked for the three of them. They’d all gone to school in New York City. That was back when the city was a real hell hole, and they all wanted to get out, get back to nature, that sort of thing.

That was the time when all the hippies were dropping out of society. They were moving to California, down south, out west, abroad, Canada, wherever they thought they could start over. Norma had never been a hippie, but something about the movement had been appealing.

Things hadn’t seemed right when the power went off. The phones didn’t work. People from the nearby town were driving by, acting all crazy. People were freaking out.

A couple military vehicles had driven by, types that she’d never seen before. The soldiers warned her that the United States was under attack. They said the roads were all closed to the city, and to the nearby areas.

It didn’t seem like the US was under attack. But something was definitely wrong. Very wrong.

There was no way to get food.

Norma’s encounter with Georgia had solidified this in her mind. She knew there was no way she and her friends would live.

But Norma couldn’t bring them along with her, for where she was about to go.

Norma had struggled with depression for years. Sure, she’d had fun. But the depression always came back, that black hole that seemed to swallow her up.

The woods were nice, despite the rain.

The storm seemed beautiful, in a way. It was nature at work, in full force. Nature would swallow up the planet. Life would go on. Maybe not so much human life. But there would be survivors, and eventually things would get back to where they were. Maybe the survivors would warn their descendants about what had happened, and some mistakes could be avoided.

But Norma didn’t have a lot of confidence that things would improve. She knew that humans had set things up horribly, practically destroyed the planet in doing so. Maybe they deserved what was coming to them. Norma didn’t know.

The black hole of depression was there. But it was easing up.

They’d asked if Norma was OK, if she was sure she wanted to go walking alone during the storm.

She’d told them she was fine, that she’d always loved the rain.

They’d been worried, but they were tired, and didn’t want to argue with her. They understood that sometimes she needed to be alone, even if it seemed crazy, even if there was a storm outside.

The wind was crashing into her. The lightning was flashing in the sky.

If only the lighting would hit her, and just take her out…

But she couldn’t rely on that.

The pain pills were in her pocket, a whole bottle of them. She’d gotten them when she’d sprained her ankle years ago, but she’d always been scared of medication, and had never taken a single one of the pills.

Norma knew that taking the whole bottle would kill her. There was no doubt about that. She would simply slip away, fade away. It wasn’t like anyone would find her, here, deep in the forest.

There was no chance of being rescued, and that was the way she wanted it.

She took the bottle out and rattled them. As she opened it up, the pills started to get wet. But that wouldn’t hurt them.

She swallowed them one by one, taking sips from the plastic water bottle she carried everywhere.

After the tenth one, she was already feeling strange. Sleepy. Hard to describe… Her thoughts were a little fuzzy. Disjointed. A little odd…

Norma powered through, taking the pills one by one, diligently. She was taking her medicine. The pills would make everything go away. They would make everything better…

Norma didn’t believe in heaven. But she knew that she just didn’t want to exist anymore.

She thought of her family, of her friends. She thought of the opportunities she’d never taken. But she’d had a good life. In a way.

She thought of her depression, that depression that had haunted her even when things were going well, that dark yawning chasm that screamed her name in the night, that kept her awake and kept her heart pounding.

That chasm would disappear completely. She would never feel that pain again.

Norma was soaked to the bone. She sat down in the mud, no longer caring. The pill bottle dropped out of her limp hand.

She was still conscious, but it was fading.

She no longer was aware of the storm, of the intensity of the natural world around her.

She was no longer aware that she was in the mud. If she had been, she wouldn’t have cared.

Norma was high for the first time in her life, as high as she ever would be. Her body felt light and free. Her mind felt suddenly unencumbered by all the things she’d worried about.

Norma tried to move her hand, but nothing happened. She was losing control of her body.

Slowly, her breathing changed. It slowed to a snail’s pace. Her breaths were miniscule, barely noticeable.

Her mind was somewhere else, floating away, up through the sunshine that wasn’t there, up through a cloudless sky that had never existed.

Norma didn’t want to have to fight. She didn’t want to struggle. She didn’t want to survive.

She got what she wanted.