Gold Bug Variations

IV

Today in History

A postcard arrived today. A fifty-cent picture and message, and for a moment this morning it seemed I would not be cut off from all word from Franklin. Nothing for almost a year, then four lines of friend's postmortem. A few weeks later, a postcard making no attempt to explain the gap or give any idea of how he is. A fair sample of the man's communication. Still, I was glad for even this scrap. I remain one of those unreformable suckers who want to hear, just hear from time to time, even if the point of hearing has long since disappeared. The card carried a pastel foreign-denomination stamp complete with obligatory royal sovereign. Frank writes:

One cannot, I suppose, traffic in Flemish masterpieces without a passing knowledge of Vlaams. And as a beautiful woman not unlike yourself once taught me, the only way to learn a foreign language, natuurlijk, is total immersion. Flanders seems the likely place. I could live for years on new vocabulary alone. Eenvoudig = one + folded = simple. Uiteraard = out of the earth = obvious. And those just the adjectives! Invigorating, learning a second tongue. (Invigorating to have twigged a first one.) The doors that new words are opening right now! This man has spent sorrows, lacks no delight, has hoard and horses and hall joys and all a lord is allowed had he his woman with him. FTODD

On the card, a late-gothic village, purportedly in the rolling geest of Northern Europe but more likely, given the crags looming in the background, situated just south of the painter's frontal lobes. Tempera and oil on panel, it has that gessoed, patient, long-suffering look that only painters in that part of the world, in that century, knew how to make. Ephemeral transfusion of light through foliage, discontinuous brushstrokes, the countryside's green shading into azure and aquamarine color-freeze the village in escapist fantasy. The town is more familiar to me than my own childhood. Ground mineral, egg yolk, oil, chalk, varnish: an organic cupboard exudes a lost landscape that would be heart-balm to look at, were he not in it.

I hardly needed to check the attribution: Herri met de Bles, an itinerant early-sixteenth-century painter so obscure as to be almost apocryphal. Franklin has been trying to write a dissertation on the artist for years, searching for sufficient motivation to produce a treatise of interest only to a dozen specialists in the world. He nibbled at the project, two years stretching into four. Procrastination at last exhausted his assistantship money at Columbia. With the project still hanging over him, finance forced him into night-shift data operations.

Franker spoke of his halted work, his failed scholarly biography, the second night we went out. "The son of a bitch had a bouquet of names. Herri. Henri. Civetta. De Bles. De Dinant. At least two places of birth and half a dozen birthdates. Circa 1500; emphasis on circa. Half the paintings attributed to him probably aren't his while half of the ones he did paint are probably attributed to somebody else. Not a single signed or attested work. May have been a pupil of Patinir; emphasis on may. May have been his nephew. Christ; I don't even know if I'm dealing with one guy or three."

I watched his fingers, strangely entwined. His distress, lovely dressing, was just more flavor for that moment. "His works must be very moving," I at last said.

"Why do you say that?" At that suspicious snap, the evening changed, modulated into harsher places. Todd's unkindnesses tore down pathways he himself couldn't anticipate or steer. I learned that only by stages.

"Well, you wouldn't spend so much of your life knocking up against those difficulties if they weren't."

He laughed, rewarding me for nursing the flame of logic in dark times. He saw me as a faithful Chartres peasant, preserving the cathedral rose in pieces strewn through a thousand wartime cellars. "Sorry to disappoint, Miss. He's average. Very. Passable panels, in a relatively narrow range. A handful of awkward biblical allegories. Impatient with human figures, dashes them off to justify the scenery. Some compositional interest, slight technical skill, but spiritually mediocre." He felt silent, the silence of ancient oracles. Finally, speaking to himself under his breath: "But landscape! You ought to see them." As if every contradiction could be reconciled by jagged, fantastic rose madder.

"If the fellow is as average as you say, why not do somebody more important? Someone you love. Difficult, I have no problem with. But difficult, obscure, and trivial? No wonder you can't get through with it."

"Believe me, sweet lady," Franklin shot back, affecting troubadour. "I'd kill for Brueghel or Vermeer. I'd write on the Mystic Lamb, pour out a book on the singing angels panel alone, if it were still possible. You know how much wood pulp has been sacrificed on the Ghent Altar already? You want the sheepskin, you gotta do Herri met de Bles."

"Henri," I corrected. He laughed a compensation, restoring us to other, more pressing theses in need of writing.

I flipped this morning's postcard over and read the tag on back: Landschap met grote brand. Knowing just enough cognates and etymology to be dangerous, I translated the title without the humiliation of showing my face at the branch within a month of quitting. Landscape with large fire. Only on second look did I notice, true to billing, near the right edge of the pastoral oblivion, something burning. The most delicate umbers and ambers twisted into plumes, shaded to grays, and slipped off into the cloudscape. Fires were, Franker told me, a minor specialty of his apocryphal painter. This one went completely overlooked, even by threatened villagers.

Todd gave no address, natuurlijk. I admired his poise, blowing clear of the wreck, slipping off to Europe the minute his mentor was cremated. The Grand Tour at last, as he always threatened. And making the catch, reaching the far side of the Atlantic, he caps the escapade with a postcard home. No tourist's trinket vista: that would have been forgivable. The typical Technicolor snap of donjon or belfry might have helped me imagine where he'd run to. But the fool sends a transcription, a reproduction of a painting of an idea of a place, if that.

Nothing would make me happier, even now, than to think that Franklin has at last gotten down to unfinished business, tying up the eternal loose end, spurred by Ressler's death into at last putting down the ideas he a hundred times explained so lucidly to me in private, in streetlit rooms. But the postcard makes no such claim, no word of the professor or the uses of death. The card says only that he has jumped continent and bought a phrase book. As sympathetic as I am to the scholar's need to speak in tongues, as much as I share his delight in word acquisition, Flemish would not be the first language Frank has distracted himself with. He invested years in French and German and can at least read Italian, if his pronunciation tends to scumble into sfumato.

He's told me enough of the scattering of Bles's panels to suggest that Flanders would only be stop one. To do the job right, he'll need Vienna, Dresden, Copenhagen, Budapest: excuses to stop and learn Danish and Hungarian. He doesn't need to read, see, think, or hear another word in any language. He's memorized all the sources already. He has the damn paper complete in his head, an inch away from written. He's practically recited it to me. He just has to work up the nerve to declare, "/ put my name to all this. Sue me if I'm wrong." It's not even conscientiousness that keeps him from the final draft. The real impediment — one as one-folded as seeing — is Franklin's inability to convince himself that the project has any worth. A year ago, our little band breaking up, I said to him, "At least this is goodbye to distractions. Now you'll have the time to get back to Herri." His parting shot: "Why bother?"

He meant to slight more than his panel painter's technique. He meant the whole, colossal impertinence of studying Art History— the delicate, gessoed, tempera conflagration — in a world setting itself on fire. Franker, in the year I knew him, carried inside, wound up in his love for anachronistic art, a contempt for aesthetics that only the aesthete can feel. Every so many weeks he tried, despite his temperament, to turn himself into a moralist whose ethical code bore one criterion: use. Frontpage news — the bleakest of which he clipped obsessively for months — would not allow him to indulge the pointless pleasure he needed. Headlines confirmed his worst suspicion; current events shamed panel and oil. Like an unfaithful lover, he repeatedly swore off sin and allure. But repeated infidelity made the betrayed more beautiful.

What use could new light on a sixteenth-century landscapist be to a sick, self-afflicted present? Dr. Ressler's terminal nightmare may have decided Franker on that account. His card is cheery enough; he sounds worlds limberer than in the closing weeks of love. But has he really gone to Dinant to write? Could he sincerely believe long-postponed looking might now be of some moral use? New language, any new language — at best, homage to a lost linguist he loved. He'll never put his new adjectives to the use he wants. Acts of care are never fundamentally useful.

At least he's made the pretense of getting down to work. I, on the other hand, entering unemployment's third week, have done nothing for days but add up my liquid assets and divide them by my spending rate, determining how much time I have before I run my life savings into the ground. Depending on the weight I assign the variables, I'm left with between forty and sixty weeks. Less than nothing and more time than I know how to fill. Weirdly exhilarating prospect: I give this week a number and begin the countdown. Week zero, getting closer every seven days, ought to put an edge on my style. Make me more supple than I've been in a while. But supple for what? Having nothing better to do, finding guilty delight in the pure, useless exercise of powers, I spent two hours this afternoon placing the allusion in Franker's card. The accents and alliterations gave me a broad hint where to begin. I worked in the sunny pleasure of my own room, combing the volumes that have grown over the years, reproducing themselves into a private reference collection. I worked — the oddest of feelings — for myself alone. No one to solve the citation for but me.

The line showed up in an Anglo-Saxon poem, one of the earliest in the language that mutated into English. A fragment in the Exeter Book called the Husband's Message. He closed with it as friendly challenge, for old times' sake: from a vanished friend to one left behind. Invigorating, to learn a language. Aside from that citation hunting, nothing. Dinner, extravagantly, at a sit-down place near Prospect Park, savoring spice and irony, paying for both with two days' worth of remaining time. The passage of time with nothing specific to accomplish makes me feel a little more blessedly, acutely free. I eat, I walk fearless in the summer air back home. I sit alone in my room, among the home reference. I now have all a lady is allowed had I only an answer. Had I only him.

Imitation of the Dance

If the forties' great debate raged over which macromolecule carried hereditary material, and if the early fifties fought over nucleic acid structure, Ressler walks smack into the contention of 1957 on his first day in the lab. Conscientious hygiene resulting from a working relationship with microorganisms made him bathe this morning before leaving barracks. A regular dawn dunking also gives him time for undirected reflection. Like Luther, his best insights arrive in proximity to porcelain. But drying his hair before setting off is time lost to superfluity. The omission puts him into the scientific cross hairs.

While he unpacks his glassware and sets up a cot in a storage room, Jeanette Koss, the woman at Ulrich's party steeped in world polemics, passes his counter and puts a discreet hand on his. The contact startles Stuart; her touch, real skin rubbing the fur of his arm, cuts — so long has he been without — like an accusation. Dr. Koss whispers, "If Blake or Lovering catches sight of you in this condition, your year is ruined."

In the same soft confidence, she lays out that Joe Lovering, her soiree spar partner, and Tooney Blake, the pianist of less than gershwinning ways, are locked in an ideological conflict about the hazards of going outside with a wet head. The two scientists share compatible lab practices and commensurate views on the coding problem. But on this matter, they are bitterly bipolar. Dr. Koss relates how Blake has devoted himself to a systematic destruction of the old wives' hypothesis linking wet hair to open virus season. For the last month he has immersed his head twice daily, once before setting off to work and once before leaving the lab. "Just a hairsbreadth," Dr. Koss confides, "between empiric physiology and abnormal psych." Lovering, on the other hand, in horrified reaction, not only maintains bone-dry hair at all times but even now, in late July, keeps up a steady regimen of preventive tonics. "You see," Koss explains, releasing him from her touch, "they have no experimental control. If they catch you like this, you're It."

He's walked into all-out inimical politics. To date, he's lain low in the exchange between lab partners Niki and Ike. But his colleagues in deciphering have brought the Cold War home. Best avoid getting caught in the draft. Ressler thanks Dr. Koss for the caveat, but that's not sufficient. She produces a supply-room towel and insists on helping him. She wraps his head in the fabric and before he collects presence of mind to object begins rubbing him gently but briskly, businesslike, from crown to nape of neck. Buried memory shoots up through scalp: his mother preparing him for church, a wedding or funeral. The wince of somatic recall — thumb moistened with saliva, rubbing raw the skin behind his ears. The woman pinches his head into sweet pain. Woytowich walks in, salutes abstractedly, not even blinking.

Koss smoothes back his hair, combs it, smiles, and crosses the room to resume her work with the vernier scales. There she carefully measures the thickness of near-invisible growing media. In a minute, nothing out of the ordinary has happened; in two, Ressler's skin forgets the contact. He'll have to make allowances for the woman in the lab. Female scientists are still rare enough to seem as anomalous as Dr. Skinner's Ping-Pong-playing pigeons. Cyfer's employing two is a statistical violation. Toveh Botkin, the team's senior member after Ulrich, possesses an antique, clinical grace that sweeps her into the province of competent sexlessness. At the welcome party, he took to the older woman and refused all but a weak smile at the lone flash of humor to come from the evening: Joe Lovering describing her life as a series of near Mrs. Dr. Koss, on the other hand, a certified Mrs. in her spare time, is not to be completely trusted. Young, still breeding-age, somewhat better looking than germ culture: might upset the pheromone levels around here from now through the end of summer.

Yet this first afternoon, there seems little to worry about on that score. Blake, by his pianistic skills, is prematurely male-menopau-sal, Dan Woytowich too B-complex-deficient, and Ulrich too intent on cash-raising to raise any more disruptive fund drives. That leaves Lovering, who, by the time Stuart finishes unpacking, has taken up a post by a caged pair of white lab rats, apparently more mascots than experimental animals. Crew-cut, glasses, starched white coat with nub tie underneath, Joe shouts, "Mate, you suckers." Lover-ing's safe too.

The lab is well equipped. The experimental world divides into steriles and breeders. Stuart did his graduate work under a breeder, a brilliant teacher whose workplace's itinerant confusion — proliferating notebooks, apparatus, scopes, and racks of flasks whose labels had soaked into illegibility — was acute torture. Ulrich, happily enough, is a sterile. Never have supply cabinets so closely mimicked the pictures in warehouse catalogs, and the entire team, from post-doc Koss through veteran Botkin, keep their rubber-glove boxes prominently displayed.

The steriler the riper for Ressler. The only antidote to what ubiquitous radio announcers call the aches and pains of today's modern living is hair of the dog: research alone will cure a world sick on the aftereffects of discovery. Empiricism is the only way from ovum to novum. The panacea he has in mind requires only a lens with focal length long enough and a sterile place to stand.

Ulrich's note was accurate; the lab is between measurements at the moment. The day Ressler arrives the group is on extended leave from titrations, stains, and partition chromatography. They are after a transcription axiom, linguistic. For the rule linking nucleotide sequences to protein synthesis to be determined experimentally, Cyfer must first play with its shape, its inner symmetries. They are up against not so much the chemistry of biology as the math. Molecular genetics, stringing the fine line between experimental and theoretic, has a first shot at bridging the gap, grounding organic complexity in fundamental arithmetic. Ulrich has called a moratorium to consolidate the lightning results of recent months and formalize Cyfer's understanding of the symbolic logic that genetics has stumbled on. First vocabulary; then the generative grammar. Time for pure speculation. No more cigar butts, fingerprints: just, as the Belgian says, the little gray cells. Ressler's first day at school is a day to indulge in that old sworn enemy of experiment: reason.

The team was originally called the Ulrich Group, but that was impossible to say without coming to a full stop between words, which no one since Chargaff has had time for. The year before Ressler arrived, the team was rechristened the Enzyme Synthesis Identification Group. But that broke the unwritten rule of acronyms. At last Tooney Blake hit upon Cyfer, a compression of Cytology Ferment. While they weren't strictly in the wine business, the name was the catchiest in the hard sciences since Bill Haley and the Comets. The sobriquet even gives them an edge with grants.

A strange brew of personalities the name stands for. Toveh Botkin bicycles up on a machine that might have taken her on annual prewar pilgrimages to Bayreuth. Tooney Blake enters, abstractedly patting every empty pocket on his person. Karl Ulrich pulls into the Biology Building parking lot in a VW bearing the plate E COLI. Ressler has nothing against this bundle of bacterial joy so long as it stays in the intestines. But why dirty one's hands in the buggers when the problem of pure coding is at stake? All present and accounted for, Ressler joins his maiden Blue Sky session. The informal brainstorming gets underway, everyone tossing out abstracts of articles and volunteering to review others for the following week. Soon talk wanders onto topics that leave them sounding more like a clutch of cabalists or college of cardinals.

From their predecessors — pylons in the vast, incomplete suspension bridge between the inanimate atom and the world ecoweb — Cyfer inherits a list of numbers it must arrange into a magic square. They work with an alphabet of four nucleotide letters. These, if grouped as commonly believed into trinities of nucleotides, produce a vocabulary of sixty-four different words. These three-letter words translate into immense miracle-sentences in a language of twenty amino acid actants. Cyfer brainstorms, trying to weld together these incunabula into a grand, new gnosticism.

In this free association, they run the gamut of human failing. Joe Lovering races in minutes from embracing the newest fad on punctuation to discarding it wholesale in favor of a newer, improved flier. Dan Woytowich remains, incredibly, the last of the old guard to refuse to embrace the Watson-Crick model. His every static-sparking comment rejects the helical staircase. He declares, in a folksy singsong tailored to get on everyone's nerves, "Too simple to be all there is." Whenever anyone says anything remotely lucid or steers the group toward something they might at last get started on, Woyty shakes his head sadly and says, "We're overlooking something here. We're talking the big L, after all."

Ulrich is a bright spot in the painful group grope toward mi-crounderstanding. Cyfer's leader runs the session as a benevolent dictator, neither encouraging nor condescending to his charges. He follows the time-tested policy: let intellect propose and measurement dispose. He fills the chalkboard with A's, T's, G's, C's, unzipping helices, decoding boxes, templates, diamonds, triangles, every model short of hex signs. He mutters out loud from time to time, as do the rest of the team. But Ulrich's mutterings hold the floor. The part of Ulrich's presentation that most captivates Ressler is not molecular, but rhetorical. To one beautiful scheme that reveals a flaw, rolls belly-up against experimental evidence, the chief pronounces stoically, "So goes poetry. Shipwrecked on shoals of fact."

Ulrich possesses that critical leadership skill in the age of Big Science: the ability to inspire others to work with devotion. Members compete to win the next stroke of praise. Ulrich makes them each sense that all of their names will appear on the resulting paper. Still, Ressler declines to put forth his private bias on how to begin cracking the coding problem. Reticence is not an issue, nor fear of bruised ego. In his freshman session at the public trading post, the small crystal of clarity he now possesses might get lost in the hypothesizing pandemonium. In a few weeks, after he learns the ropes, he'll lay out his vein, the method so new that he himself can't formulate it yet.

As Ulrich smoothly wraps up the Blue Sky session before it turns to Gray and Partly Cloudy, someone slips Ressler a note. More spectral theory, a spidery nineteenth-century hand:

Dr. Ressler—

Dismissals of verse notwithstanding, Fearless Leader harbors a closet predisposition to literature. Ulrich has contracted Poe's Gold Bug.

Communicable, I gather.

J.K.

The syntax seems a sequel to this session in cryptography. But the note, on second reading, begins to make marginal sense as plaintext. There already is a "J.K." in the room; no need for letter substitution. Yet the note resists ultimate understanding. It doesn't occur to him, as the brainstorm session breaks up, to ask the woman herself what she means. He watches her leave the room and looks again at the note, the first he's received in twenty years of school. He follows Dr. Koss with his eyes across the lab and out the door. Monk Mendel's chief lesson returns from first-year genetics: the rift between inner genotype and outer phenotype. Surfaces lie.

Back in his bachelor and still unfurnished flat, Ressler lies in his bunk at night, wrapped in the barrack walls, the cradling vacancy of his adopted town. The day's stimulation prevents sleep. He runs through the proposed structure currently entrancing all biology except Woytowich and a few lone holdouts. The spiral molecular staircase — two paired railings sinuously twisting around one another, eternally unmeeting snakes caught in a caduceus — becomes in his fueled brain the stairs of Robeson's spiritual: Jacob's Ladder, the two-lane highway to higher kingdoms. Angels are caught descending and ascending in two solemn, frozen, opposing columns. In his soporific reverie, four kinds of angels twist along the golden stairs. Bright angels and dark, of both sexes. Four angel varieties freeze in two adjacent queues up and down the case, each stuck on a step that it shares with its exact counterpart. Every bright man opposite a dark woman. Every bright woman, a dark man. Fitful in his bunk, in the blackness, the unappeasable modelmaking urge. Four angel varieties to signify DNA's four bases: thymine, cytosine, adenine, and guanine. Jacob's helical staircase ladder conjured out of a single strand of nucleic acid.

How indispensable models have been in the fray to date! Watson and Crick did the trick with tin shapes, interlocking jigsaw pieces that refused to combine in any configuration consistent with the data except the spiral staircase. The great Pauling's snips of accordion cardboard are an industry legend, an industry joke until laughter was hushed by the tool's repeated success. Pauling's children — molecular spheres and dowels — pop up in classrooms, raising a race of clear-eyed students whose innovative exhalations already warm Ressler's neck. All the models agree: life science, to advance at all, cannot start with big and hope to pull it apart into underpinning little. It must begin with the constituents and tease them into a structure consistent with observation. Cyfer needs a model as simple and labile as baby blocks, a breathtaking Tinkertoy indistinguishable from the thing it imitates.

Four years ago Ressler, along with every other hapless haplo-type, noticed that the double-spiral staircase embodies two identical informational queues. The ascending angel order complements and mirrors the descending stream. Wholly redundant. Each angel-file sequence can be entirely recreated from the other. Bright and dark men, dark and bright women: each pair-half uniquely mated, each edge of the staircase carrying the same message. All there in Crick and Watson's tantalizing summary: "It has not escaped our notice that the specific pairing we have postulated immediately suggests a possible copying mechanism for the genetic material." The angel-files in each half-stair must somehow be capable of latching on to their proper mates out of angelic bouillabaisse. Chemical lightning, sundering the staircase down its middle, unzipping it, creates two severed parades, each capable of recreating the entire original ladder. Ressler, in his bunk, has the wind knocked out of him by the ingenuity, the rightness of it: a long molecular chain, stupefyingly massive but simple, obeying nothing but chemical requirements, somehow lucks upon viability — the fundamental, self-replicating machine.

Stairway replication, an inanimate molecule's ability to double, is just the tip of proliferate miracle. Somehow, incomprehensibly tortuously simply, coded in permutations of brights, darks, males, and females — four bases alone — is all the sequence needed to conduct the full angel choir. On this dream of spiral ladders, he lulls himself into brief, shallow sleep. Rest does not last long, nor does he wake refreshed. He is back in the stacks at opening, armed with the tip-off Jeanette Koss has passed him. He came to Illinois to crack the nucleic code. To date the only triplets he's gone up against are Dewey Decimal. He looks up her clue in the card catalog: Poe's "The Gold Bug." Mystery, suspense: a story in a thousand anthologies. It's been years since he's read any fiction except the Oppenheimer charges. But the library jump-table leads him to 813 as easily as if he were a regular.

Squatting between two metal shelves, Ressler loses himself in the adventure. Discovery — a piece of heated parchment reveals secret writing. Pictograph of baby goat identifies author as Captain Kidd, language of cipher as English. Simple letter frequency and word-pattern trick leads scholar to pirate's treasure. But directions to treasure are themselves a coded algorithm for unburying. Two men and blackfella servant, applying human ingenuity, measured paces, and plumb line, crack third-level mystery and uncover wealth beyond wildest dreams. Only at story's end does he emerge, shake off the fictional spell. "Gold Bug" is the ticket all right; he's come to the right place.

If he understands Dr. Koss's warning correctly, Ulrich may be in danger of confusing the message of base-string sequences with their translation mechanism. Bulling through frequency counts and base-order mapping will never reveal a simple rule equating the impenetrable archive of nucleic rungs with hair color, hand length, texture of skin. The game is immensely bigger; much more than gene-reading is at stake. To search for sequence substitution, to pan for genetic gold bugs, would be tantamount to learning a foreign language armed with only a translating dictionary. They'd get no farther than a refinement of Morgan's endless generations of Drosophila: chromosome bump X produces white eyes. A swap of one name for the other, no more than a means of reading individual messages without ever getting fluent in the tongue they're written in.

The heart of the code must lie hidden in its grammar. The catch they are after is not what a particular string of DNA says, but how it says it. For the first time, it is possible to do more than wedge open the door. They must throw wide open the means of molecular articulation. They must learn, with the fluency of native speakers, a language sufficiently complex and flexible to speak into existence the inconceivable commodity of self-speaking. The treasure in Poe's tale is not the buried gold but the cryptographer's flicker of insight, the trick, the linguistic key to unlocking not just the map at hand but any secret writing. Ressler must bring the team to see that they are up against something considerably larger than the pleasures of the Sunday Cross-word, fitting a few letters into empty boxes. Not the limited game of translation but the game rules themselves. Sprawled between the girders of the 8OOs, in the summer of his twenty-fifth year, he gets his first hint of the word puzzle he is up against. He must latch onto a language that can articulate its own axioms, a technique that can generate — in the effortless idiom it models — endlessly extensible four-letter synonyms for Life.

Quote of the Day

When I left the library, I took my entire collection of index cards, the complete file of the three boards I'd established at the branch. The records would have disappeared long ago had I not squirreled them away in the first place. Still, the data theft will hurt more than a couple of old friends, who over the years have come to rely on my pocket score the way we all rely on Bowker or Wilson Line. Let them find their own materials. Yet by taking the card collection into custody, I've created my own problem. Squarely on my grandfather's desk, a private encyclopedia of three-by-fives cries out to be transcribed.

Any attempt to extract affidavit from these facts requires dirtying my hands. Franker, with his charming idiocy, liked to compare existence to a mound of potatoes: "You can't proverbially mash 'em till they been proverbially skinned." Information theory phrases the problem more elegantly but not as well. Yet the thought of putting my card hoard to account fatigues me beyond saying. A flood victim's, a chemotherapy patient's fatigue. July 15, 1985: I look over the options from the file, the day's previous incarnations. One stands out from the cycle, one that positions me on the timeline.

I was no longer fresh in the field when I posted it. Much of the novelty of the job had worn off. But I was working full time, for myself, for achieved adulthood, for the sheer pleasure of work.

The Event Calendar, my pride, had run smoothly for a couple of years. I posted everything from Savanarola to Synthetic Rubber, and people enjoyed the end results. In 1978, I took a small risk. I posted as canonical history an event only three years old. July 15, 1975: two spacecraft, each the peak technological achievement of two supernations, inimical enemies at ground level, take off from the earth. The enemy craft dock and join crews somewhere in the endless, frozen, neutral vacuum. The crews visit one another's quarters. The coupled craft float soundlessly in orbit. Back on earth, everything is, for a moment, wonder.

The risk in posting this had nothing to do with going out onto a predictive limb. Beyond doubt the Apollo/Soyuz linkup, symbolically at least, was the equal of half the revolutions and three quarters of the assassinations that mark the usual mileage posts of progress. My risk was not in jumping the canonical gun. It lay in my four lines of accompanying caption — shriller than public servants were supposed to let themselves become. I held out the hope that the event had not come too late to save us from the rest of history. I announced, supported by facts I felt no need to produce, that we were pitched in a final footrace, not between Manichaean political ideologies but between inventiveness and built-in insanity. July 15 tipped the calendar ever so slightly toward the euphoric, exploratory. The risk I took was editorial, insisting that event was real.

This was years before I met Dr. Ressler and his clear-faced protege. That same day, six years later, for a reason preserved in artifact, I posted, as quote of the day, Aristotle's critique of the Pythagoreans in the Metaphysics: They say that things themselves are Numbers. The risk this time was entirely mine.

The Husband's Message

For days after meeting Frank Todd for seafood — my dinner, his breakfast — I heard nothing from him. I'd turned up the facts; our business was transacted. But we weren't done with one another. The flavor that kept coming back at odd hours as I fielded calls or directed question-traffic was the look that had come over my makeshift date's face as I told him of Stuart Ressler's disappointing early collapse. Todd had looked for an instant as if he were hearing, after the fact, the obituary of a childhood hero.

Time passed with no follow-up on Todd's invitation to dig deeper. My job was to discard the content once I'd handed it over. In those few previous instances where professional assistance had aroused other interest, I'd always nipped it quickly in the stamen. Not that I felt any need to avoid temptation. Tuckwell had never demanded monogamy, at least not overtly. Keith referred to our commitment as a "Five-Year Plan" or a "Great Leap Forward," depending on the humor his adwork left him in on a given day. If I steered a course of noninvolvement through daily contacts it was for my own sake: my research skill exceeded anything else I had to offer anyone. But Todd's taciturn courtship, comical when delivered, confused me when withdrawn. I resented that professed infatuation with my face — sheer, male data — bribery. His semantic waffle over whether I was beautiful, a question more aesthetic than erotic, was simply clinical fascination for a woman who had him momentarily at her mercy.

I had wanted at dinner to preserve my informational advantage, to surrender the hard-won facts only at a favorable rate of exchange. But for some reason I still don't understand, I gave in to pity, told him everything, bared my throat like low dog in a fight. I heard myself give him abstracts of every article I'd turned up. When all shred of danger to him had passed — one of those predators capable of remaining inert for hours as prey blunders blithely over it — Mr. Todd took the proffered parcel and was gone. My resentment kept doubling back on that moment when I'd caught him disconsolate, his confidence dropped. That quick glimpse of facial bruise told me he wanted something from me that had nothing to do with biographies. He needed what he would never know to ask for. It wrecked my equanimity: he requested less and went away satisfied.

When he called the Reference Desk again, he did not bother to identify himself. "Can we try this again? Same place and time? Round two?" I couldn't imagine his motive in calling back. No hope of anything fresh, no new esoterica. I didn't know whether to cut him or accept with pleasure. I went for a frosty yes.

I found the restaurant again, and Franklin Todd was waiting. I knew instantly the reason for this follow-up. I could tell from his posture, his welcoming grin. This date meant to erase whatever impression of weakness the first might have left. We were not to mention the case. We were to be absolutely upbeat. And afterwards, as befit cheerful strangers, never see each other again, I confirmed that he was lamentably attractive, taller and sandier than I remembered, his light stubble two years ahead of fashion. He looked completely incapable of being devastated by the deterioration of an older coworker. But then, I did not then look like a woman capable of quitting her profession for nothing. He was in midsentence when I reached the table. "So what happened this morning?"

I was about to give the same, daily nonresponse I gave Tuckwell when, stopped by a sardonic crook to his face, I caught on. I returned the look, saying, "Spanish Civil War on the brink of breaking out, 1936. Goldwater wins GOP nomination, 1964. Apollo/ Soyuz, 1975."

He beamed. "You're so predictable."

I shook my hair loose and sat down. "You know, I haven't even met you properly and already I don't like you."

"The pleasure's mutual, I'm sure." His face broke out in all the muted possibilities of the opening game. "You are extraordinary." He gave the long word an extra syllable, intoning it with the same converted skepticism he had given his measurement of my beauty. "But you suffer from this terrible twentieth-century bias."

"It's not a bias. Most of what has happened happened in the last hundred years. Any newsworthy July day is probably recent."

"I see. Current events, like traffic, increasingly clogged until one day soon some old guy's going to pull out of his garage in Iowa and poof: universal gridlock." He ordered for both of us, issuing instructions throughout the meal: "Squeeze the lemon like this. Let the taste sit on the back of your tongue while you think of Mardi Gras." The imperatives carried the inbred, dictatorial drive of males — the hand in the small of the back they always use to steer the weaker vessel. But something else in his voice too: inappropriate enthusiasm for experience that needed sharing. Franklin in no way passed for a gourmet. He sniffed the Tabasco cap and made me do likewise. "Most expedient sinus recipe known to man." He did not preach good taste so much as enjoyment. "Cut this end off. Swirl it first before dunking." Expertise acquired over long trial and error, offered up now to save me the bother of the learning curve. It amused me, his assuming I'd never eaten food before. He had the ingenuous pleasure of a novice who sees in everyone a new initiate.

We paid and left. Coming out to the street, turning into the Sidewalk tide, he took my hand and shook it enthusiastically, as if I'd been a far more entertaining guest than I had been. I was supposed to remember only this round, erase the unpleasant undertone of the first. I asked where he was headed. "My night off. Back home to the Butter and Eggs."

"You live in Manhattan? What were you doing at our branch?"

"Research."

"/ was doing the research. You were humming to yourself, as I remember."

"There's a difference?" He smiled and left.

Another week went by before Franklin turned up again. I was cleaning out the Question Submission Box. To the query "I want to buy a microwave oven. Are they safe?" I knew both the desired answer and informed opinion. I'd been asked the question often, and I easily delivered the unimpeachable stats, adding at the bottom of my response, "Most reports concerning cooked human kidneys are urban legend." Number two was "What is the formula for figuring compound interest?" or something as trivial. "Trivial," I knew, derived from trivium, any junction of three Roman roads, where your basic whores hung out. I gave the formula with no editorial comment.

But the third note had been left for no one's but my eyes. It was in the same anonymous typewriting as the one about making the catch. Todd had never had any intention of disappearing. He meant to water me with a steady stream of far-ranging, restless demands for answers for every imaginable issue, however far from hand.

Q: My friend and I (neither a crackpot in the ordinary sense) are in the middle of an ongoing argument that we'd like you to clear up. What is the possibility that we will someday communicate with life on other planets?

F.T., 7/19

I laughed out loud to read it. I spent the remaining afternoon answering as if this were itself an anonymous hello from deep space. Not that it took that long to compose my answer. I lingered, let myself down the luxury of unrelated alleys, the side paths research always opens up when one pays attention. The encyclopedia's country lanes.

A: Serious scientific estimates about the possibility of contacting life on other planets are based on the Drake or Green Bank formula:

N = R fg * nchz * f1 * f1 * f1 * L

where N = number of technical civilizations, R = rate of star formation, fg = fraction of stars with planets, nch2 = number of planets that are habitable, f, = fraction of these developing life, f1 = fraction of these developing intelligent life, f, = fraction of these with communications technology, and L = length of attempted communication. Of course, the equation says nothing about the values of the terms. Guesses for these are hotly debated, resulting in estimates for the number of intelligent civilizations in our galaxy ranging as high as 100,000 and as low as zero. After a quarter century of listening for messages from unknown galactic neighbors, all scientists have yet heard is a very imposing silence. Finding an intelligent signal would immediately present the enormous problem of how to respond. A two-line dialogue between sentient planets could take centuries; our great-great-great-grandchildren would have to remember what we said in order to make sense of the reply, assuming they could make human sense of nonhuman words. It is hard to say which would be more sobering: to hear someone answer our "Are you there?" with "Yes," or to learn that the whole experiment lies entirely in our hands.

Of course, the real question was not whether intelligent life existed elsewhere in the universe but whether there was intelligent life on Earth. Still, I delighted in my answer, knowing who was asking. He meant to let me know that I could hear from deep space if I wanted to. The two of them would enter and reenter my life, persistent, transposed, inverted, retrograde, spread through different voicings, announcing themselves in all contexts for every reason, sounding the capricious, cantabile motive as often as I let them.

Three answers in one day was a good haul by any standard; most people don't arrive at three definitive answers in a lifetime. And I had accomplished all three in the interstices, between the other duties demanded by one of the NYPL's sixty Brooklyn franchises. True, I had also fielded the routine phone calls: armchair investors too lazy to get off their A-ratings and read their own Value Lines, high school kids asking for a definition of S-O-D-O-M-Y (tape machine audible in the background), the bewildered citizens who'd crawled out of their paneled dens to request the names of senators. Those, plus the archiving, inventorying, and maintenance work, the box-piling tasks that monopolize existence.

But three for the fait accompli file: in that I took considerable fisherman's pride.

Back home, I found my POSSLQ — Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters — hard at work on a campaign alerting the public to a major dental development that would, like the Great Wall of China, provide the long-sought security of Tartar Control. As I fell into the front room, Keithy asked cheerily, "So what'd she do all day?" For the first time all day, I was stumped. Coming at the end of the stack, this seemed less question than request for intimacy. And intimacy was no longer mine to give. I flopped on the couch, undid some buttons, and capitulated. The candy dish stood in for dinner. I listened to Keithy insult mankind for my amusement. "Looky here. You hate this photo? How about this text? Totally humiliating? Good. I think we've got a wiener, here."

Lying slack, I thought of something my mother said, the first and only time she ever came out from Indiana to visit me. "This is not a city," she sneered in utter distaste for the place I'd chosen as home. "This is a country. A world." I was new here myself then, and thought she was right. Precisely the reason I had come here to live. A country, a world, large enough to lose oneself in. Now I roused myself enough to look out of the front picture window onto the East River, a stunning view that cost Keith and me half our income. On the far side, the fanfare of lights, the community that was slowly killing us. From where I lay I could see my mother's error. Nothing stood between me and the insane compression of midtown. No moat, no ad-campaign misanthropy could shut out the runaway numbers, the gang rape of the place.

Keith watched with me as the lights came on — Japanese-lantern bridges, street pearls, block skyscrapers that flared as if half the executives in the world worked late. He burlesqued the view, the most overwhelming display of scale that the race has yet assembled, dropping into his smarmy announcer's voice. "Experience the charm of Halogen." He did it to relax me, but I hated him for it all the same. I picked a block on this side of the river and populated it: two souls of unfortunately high intelligence sitting alone among precision machinery, watching over the magnetic data by night, arguing, as if it mattered, over whether we were the only going show in the universe. Clear-faced Todd, obvious closet romantic, held out for other intelligent life, while his night-shift companion, a generation older, told the boy to stop kidding himself. Imagining this insignificant dialogue in this uncounted corner of a sprawl too dense to map adequately, I reversed my mother's terrified conviction about the city. This was not a world. It was an abandoned colonial outpost, a private conversation. Only the buildings were big.

Fear of scale came over me: if I lay there any longer, every uncountable block in these awful islands would become inhabited. Clicking heels and chanting "There's no place like Elkhart" was no longer an option. I had to do something quickly — leave some entry on this July 15—or lose myself in the cycle of torn-off days. I lifted myself like a wet foal. Without explaining, I left Tuckwell still talking to himself, in lone possession of the front room. Shutting the door with a furtive thump that echoed badly down the months ahead, I locked myself in our bedroom. I picked up the receiver and dialed the number Todd had given me. A number I'd filed for easy retrieval.

The half of the night shift I could claim some knowledge of answered. Franklin professed to be glad I'd called. "You'll never guess what has happened. I confronted Dr. Ressler with your evidence. He was greatly impressed." I waited for him to go on. Ten seconds, an epoch over the phone. How do messages travel simultaneously over phone wires without colliding? It occurred to me that while wires did not technically carry any information when both parties were mute, passed silence nevertheless required a phone.

I looked for anything to fill the gap. "I've contacted your extraterrestrials. If you come by the branch—"

"Maybe it's time you visited us here." He gave me the address, one that took my breath away. A dozen buildings from the branch. I knew the exact place, a brick turn-of-the-century warehouse that gave away nothing of its contents. The city, big, uncountably massive, had a way of turning viciously small, like Nauru, digging itself into disappearance. A range of adjoining neighborhoods that refuse to collect. Ten million neighborhoods of one. It is not skyscrapers; it is the bottoms of deep troughs, deeper than the carved canyons out west, cut from harder stone.

Familiar forward motion, bandying between the two of us: the tone of our first social phone conversation stated that it was all right to feel all right, even in mid-July, even with a bad conscience. Bad conscience has no survival value. Todd's confidence cascade gave me a go-ahead to go ahead and do what I wanted to, to indulge in whatever worked. But a slight condition, an extra saddle, was tucked away in the injunction. I could not beat this conversation in one. To give in to the rush, the thrill of voices piling up against voices, colliding over the phone wires, I had to count the thing in three. In my mind, I already stood on a July evening outside their warehouse. Keith, at last coming in to bed, found his POSSLQ lying motionless but wide-awake. He asked if anything was wrong. I answered no, hearing the word leave me, too late to retrieve. The first time I ever lied to him.