Gratuitous Epilogue

18 - May

May 13

Time off

Now that I’m not working (no scheduled projections till after the baby’s born), I’ve been able to get some solid work in on my school work. And, well, have been replaying my wedding (and pre-wedding honeymoon night) rather a lot. The posed scans turned out very well, and there are some special images from the ceremony itself which I adore. Tons of press leaks, of course, but I’ve come to factor that in to any event which has more than the people closest to me there.

One of the reasons I avoid public events so much is that everything any of us do is picked apart and analysed and adopted into popular culture. Veils are suddenly in for weddings (I’m so not going to tell anyone what Mum once told me they symbolise), and there’s all sorts of fan art based on the leaked scenes, and endless forum discussion about every minor leaked or made up detail. Plus there was a documentary about me which premiered the evening of the wedding which was really accurate and detailed and had an awful lot about the kids and what they’re like in it. Albeit, the kids have fan clubs and it’s rare bad things are said about them, but I know that can change, and that I’m the cause of this pressure of attention.

I had to laugh, though, when the next episode of Muina Ez was all about the characters speculating over where we’d all gone after the wedding. The rumour was that we were holidaying on Kolar, and there were tons of false sightings. And then the real story of what we were doing leaked out, and there was lots of scandal about Lira and me being allowed to go anywhere even mildly risky. Fortunately that was on our last day, and we were home before they reached the point of ordering us to return. The rumour mill immediately switched over to whether I’m pregnant, and though we haven’t confirmed that, taking a year of leave from doing any form of visualisation kind of gives away our plans. Endless discussion over whether I’ll obligingly pop out more touchstones, or stronger or weaker talents than Kaoren. And discussion on how me having real children will effect my adopted children, which of course annoys the hell out of me.

I’ve been bonding with Lira rather a lot since we got back. Occasionally beneath her prima donna acts I still glimpse a lingering band of hurt and uncertainty. Ys, Rye and Sen are so strongly a unit, and although Lira’s become family, she knows herself to be an outsider to the couple that Kaoren and I am, and the deep bond between Ys, Rye and Sen. It must feel as if everyone loves someone more than they love her. I fully sympathise with her need to be loved for herself, not for being a touchstone, nor even for being the very brave girl who saved my life.

She’s continued to question me about what I was like when I was her age, and has talked a little about the things she does and doesn’t want to do, and the fun parts, the problems and the ethics of being a touchstone. Lira and I aren’t very alike – she enjoys reading novels about as much as she enjoys anything else, but is far more interested in more social activities. Since the kids started attending the talent school again, she’s accrued a little coterie of followers, and likes to talk about them with me (partially I think because Ys is impatient with too much of this kind of talk). Fortunately she and Ys seem to have found a happy balance to their friendship, and Ys acts in the role of confidant, while everyone else gets to be Lira’s admirers.

Ys on the other hand would barely speak if she could help it. Even in the mandated school and family group activities, I’ve noticed that she has that faint air of abstraction, and her usage logs show that she’s reading. This isn’t something I’ll criticise specifically, since I certainly read a book or two sneakily under the desk in particularly boring classes, and she seems quite good at dual-tasking. Importantly, she’s not withdrawn or stressed by social situations – she’s just so engrossed in reading that she doesn’t want to waste time with people. I’ve told her the occasions where she has to give her full attention, but otherwise more power to her. She has, I think, finally gained a strong enough sense of security to truly relax, and simply being able to learn and learn and learn makes her deeply happy.

She’s quickly improving her English. Not enough to read most novels by herself, but we can hold limited conversations now. Dinner is an English-only meal, which annoyed Lira very much until she decided it constituted a secret language which only a privileged few were capable of speaking. She’s quite good at learning when she sets her mind to it, and she and Rye are settling onto a similar level, which is good because Lira’s most inclined to refuse to do things she’s the worst at. Kaoren really enjoys being able to speak English. He wants to be able to read more of the books I grew up reading, and to better understand my culture, and understanding the language will make a huge difference to that, though he had to shake his head when I started explaining how English was like the Borg, assimilating all these others languages, and that Earth was hundreds of languages washing up against each other. Since I have only the vaguest knowledge of anything but English, Earth’s other languages aren’t a primary focus for him.

I’m just glad that, if I ever get to introduce my family to Mum, that they’ll be able to understand each other.

Kaoren and I have been very desperately in love with each other for the past couple of months, and finding it difficult to get enough time alone with each other, now that he’s returned to duty. He says me being pregnant is making it difficult for him to not be excessively protective and possessive. I can’t say I’m not enjoying that.

A little over six weeks along. I still don’t feel pregnant, though the medics have confirmed it. No morning sickness, no sudden enlargement of breasts, nothing but not having a period, which I’d grown used to anyway. Mara, Ketz and Jeh are all looking thoroughly pregnant now (Mara looks very thoroughly pregnant). A little under three months to go for them.

Zee told me she and Nils are going back to Tare to get married in a tiny ceremony, because Nils wants his only living relative, his extremely fragile great-great-grandmother, to be able to be there. That’s a bit of a secret.