Graverobbers Wanted: No Experience Necessary

Chapter 18

OH, THIS was bad. This was really bad.

I glanced around quickly and saw that there were no other cars near me. The flashing lights on that police car were meant forme, and me only.

What was I supposed to do? If the killer or one of his flunkies was watching and saw me talking to a cop, that might blow the whole deal. Even if they were listening in somehow and I didn't say anything suspicious, they'd probably assume I'd relayed a message some other way.

I briefly considered flooring the gas pedal and testing my car chase skills, but quickly decided that would be a bad idea. If I got caught, I'd be taken in to the station, and then the prisoners would be doomed for certain. Besides, the officer had probably already noted my license plate number.

Wonderful.Just wonderful.

I pulled over to the side of the road and killed the engine. I looked up in the rear-view mirror and ran a hand through my hair. God, I looked terrible. The combination of big-time stress and lack of sleep gave me the appearance of an intoxicated zombie. Bloodshot eyes, bruises, rumpled clothes...I looked like somebody that any local cop would want to throw out of his town.

I rolled down my window as the officer approached. Naturally, he was tall, had a muscular build, and facial features that looked carved out of stone. Naturally, he had an expression that said "I've had a lousy day and I'm in the mood to stomp somebody."

Naturally, I patted my jeans and realized that with all the distractions this morning, I'd forgotten to bring my wallet.

The officer stopped at the door and leaned down toward the window. He had to lean a long way. "May I see your license, registration, and proof of insurance, please?"

"Yes, sir," I said, opening the glove compartment. I thought about how interesting it would be if another hand dropped out, but there was only the usual assortment of receipts, useless papers, and various junk so jam-packed in there that it took a full two minutes to locate my registration and the auto insurance card.

I handed it over. "I'm sorry, but I left in a hurry and forgot my wallet at home."

"Did you, now?"

"Yes. I can tell you right where it is on the kitchen counter, if that helps." I tried to smile.

"That won't be necessary." The officer looked me over carefully. "Do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No, sir."

"When you made that left turn after leaving the library, you failed to signal. That's very dangerous to other drivers, who cannot be expected to anticipate your moves."

"Oh, that's right. I'm sorry. I'm just tired, I guess."

"Perhaps if you're that tired you shouldn't be driving at all. Some rest would probably do you good."

I nodded. "I was on my way home."

"I see. Returning some overdue library books, were you?"

"Yes."

"I see. Please wait here in your car."

The officer walked back to the squad car and got inside, presumably to check on my registration and insurance information. I wiped my sweaty hands off on my jeans and tried to breathe calmly. If I played it cool, everything might work out fine. The killer might not even be watching.

I nervously drummed my fingers on the steering wheel.

A few minutes later, the officer returned. "Are you Mr. Andrew Mayhem?"

"Yes, sir."

"And this is your car?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have any sort of picture I.D. on you?"

"No, I don't."

"Mind telling me how you got those bruises?"

The bruises?Well, you see, after digging up this guy who turned out to not really be dead, some psychopath hit me in the head with a chain and then tied me to a chair and punched me a couple of times. Yes, I know, it seemed a bit odd to me at the time,too .

"Two-by-four," I said. "My friend was carrying one on his shoulder when he spun around to look at something.Bashed me in the face."

"You should tell your friend to be more careful."

"Oh, I did, believe me."

"That's the whole problem.Idon'tbelieve you."

"Sir, I realize how bad I look," I said. "It's been a really rough couple of days. And I'm sorry I don't have my driver's license with me—things have just been so hectic that I forgot it. I don't know what I need to do to convince you that I am Andrew Mayhem and this is my car, but tell me what it is and I'll do it."

"Are you attempting to bribe me?"

"What? No! I don't even have my wallet!"

"I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to come with me to the station until somebody can verify your identity."

"That's not necessary, I'll—"

"Don't you tell me what is and what isn'tnecessary. I'm not completely convinced thatthisis your automobile, sir."

"When you checked my registration, was it reported stolen?"

"That's none of your business. Please step out of the car."

"I can't do that."

"Step out of the car immediately or you will be placed under arrest."

"Look, it's crucial that you listen to me. You can't take me in! Five...no, four people will die if you do!"

At this, the officer drew his revolver from its holster. "Place your hands on the steering wheel where I can see them."

I did so. "I'mnotgoing to kill them, there's somebody else! I don't know who it is, but if you take me in, he'll do it!"

The officer opened the door. "Step out of the vehicle," he said, pointing the gun at me."Right now."

"Please, you have to—"

"NOW!"

I unfastened my seat belt and got out of the car.

"Put your hands flat on the vehicle and keep your legs apart."

I did as I was told. The officer frisked me, and then snapped a pair of handcuffs on me. He grabbed me by the shirt collar and began to lead me toward the squad car.

"Wait!" I protested. "There's an envelope on the car seat! I need it!"

"It will still be there when you pick up the car from impound. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

"You have to listen to me!"

"Quiet! You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney..."

I QUICKLY figured out that the officer wasn't interested in anything I had to say, so I kept my mouth shut during the drive to the police station.

Well, I'd screwed things up pretty thoroughly. If the prisoners weren't dead already, they soon would be. And I didn't even want to think about how much trouble I was personally in.

If this all blew over, I was getting myself a real job.Nine to five. I'd even wear a tie. I might wear a wacky one with cartoon characters once in a while, but damn it, I'd wear a tie.

I went through the booking procedure, got a couple of photos taken (at least with a mug shot I knew I wouldn't have my usual will-you-hurry-up-and-take-the-damn-picture-already smile), and was fingerprinted.

"Listen to me," I told the officer who was doing my fingerprints. He was a younger guy, barely looked old enough to be a college student. "I absolutely have to talk to somebody right away. I don't care who...any cop you've got is fine. But I cannot stress enough how vital it is that I explain what's going on. Some people will be killed. Maybe they already have been. Do you understand?"

"I'll see what I can do," he said, leading me over to a very tidy desk upon which rested a telephone. "You get one phone call, but make it quick."

I dialed my home number. "Hello?" said Kyle.

"Kyle, this is Daddy. Could you put Roger on the phone?"

"He's not here."

"What do you mean, he's not there?"

"He's in the bathroom."

"Knock on the door and tell him it's important, okay?"

"`Kay."

There was aloudthump in my ear and I flinched.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Kyle?"

"The phone fell. I'll go get Roger."

A moment later Roger got on the line."Andrew, what's up?"

"I've been arrested."

"Are you serious? You're kidding, right?"

"No. I'm at the police station."

"Aw, shit!"

"I need you to come down here and prove that I'm really Andrew Mayhem. Grab my wallet off the counter. Helen's keys are hanging up in the kitchen, you can take her car."

"All right.Did you find out anything when you went to that place?"

"I found what I was supposed to, but I don't have any idea what it means, yet. Before you come to the station, I need you to drive to theSouthview branch of the library. My car is parked a couple blocks away...I don't remember the street, but it's a left turn after you pull out of the parking lot. I've got a spare car key hanging on the hook next to the refrigerator, so you can use that to get inside and grab the envelope that's on the seat. You have to hurry because they'll be sending a tow truck to take it away."

"No problem.Anything else?"

"Yeah, bring the tape. But don't show yourself outside with it. Have Theresa carry herbookbag , and put it in there."

"The other tape's still at my place. Should I get it?"

"No. They might be watching your house."

"Okay. We'll be there as soon as possible."

"Thanks,buddy."

I hung up. When I turned around, the young officer was standing there with a pair of black cops. They were both about forty, heavyset, bald, had thick mustaches, and were identical twins.

"These are SergeantsFrenkle andFrenkle . They'll hear what you have to say."

I'D NEVER been in a real interrogation room before, and this one looked just like those I'd seen in the movies. A long table, uncomfortable chairs, bright white lights, everything.

I told them the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Except that I left out the people's names.

Now, I could have waited for Roger to show up with my I.D., convinced them that I was merely some tired driver who forgot to signal, and then left. But if the killer knew I'd been arrested, he'd naturally assume that I'd spilled my guts, whether I really did or not. So if I was going to be penalized anyway, I decided I might as well talk to them. It's not like I'd been able to figure things out all by myself. Might as well let them have a shot.

I also considered leaving out thegraverobbing , but quite honestly I was too mentally exhausted to come up with a good cover story as to how I'd become involved. And I didn't want them to catch me in any inconsistencies. Better to tell the whole truth and worry about the consequences later.

"That's quite a story," said Sergeant TonyFrenkle , who was distinguishable from his brother Bruce only by a small mole above his left eyebrow.

"If it's an excuse to get out of a traffic ticket, it's the best one I've ever heard," said Bruce.

"Do you believe me?" I asked.

Tony shrugged. "Not really. But you say your friend is on his way with the tape, so we'll have a look at it together and see if that changes things."

I checked my watch. Twenty minutes since I'd called Roger. He'd be here any second, as long as Theresa and Kyle weren't giving him any problems.

"Please, you have to promise me that you're not going to do any investigating," I said. "He'll kill them."

"Your story isn't leaving this room for the time being," Tony assured me. "I am, to get some coffee, but your story stays here."

"Thank you."

Bruce asked me some to clarify some parts of the story while we waited for Tony to return. When he did, it was with three cups of the worst coffee I'd ever tasted. The stuff made my tonguewant to leap out of my mouth and never return.

"While we're waiting, why don't you tell us your story again, to make sure we've got everything straight?" suggested Bruce. What he meant was, tell us the story again so we can try to catch you in a lie.

So I told them the story again.

After about ten minutes, I was starting to get a bit nervous. What was taking Roger so long?

After thirty minutes, I was more than nervous. I was frantic.

After an hour, I was terrified.