Guilt

CHAPTER 49

Another head shake. More hair fell. A woman coming apart strand by strand. She hugged herself. Shuddered. Ten fingers began working like Rubinstein on Rachmaninoff.

I said, “If you’re feeling cooped up, we can talk outside.”

“How did you know I felt that?”

Because you look like a caged animal.

I said, “Lucky guess.”

I told Blanche to stay in the office, paid her with a Milk-Bone. Prema Moon said, “She can come with us.”

“She needs to nap.” The real reason: Time to minimize distraction. And comfort.

I walked her through the house, out through the kitchen and down the rear steps to the garden, stopping by the pond’s rock rim. The waterfall burbled. The sky was clear.

“Very mellow,” she said. “To encourage confession?”

“I’m not a priest.”

“Isn’t this the new religion?”

“God doesn’t talk to me.”

“Only Freud does, huh?”

“Haven’t heard from him in a while, either.” I sat down on the teak bench that faces the water. The fish swarmed.

Prema Moon said, “What are they, Japanese koi? Pretty.”

She took in the garden. Robin’s studio, softened by trees and shrubs. A whine cut through the waterfall. The band saw.

“What’s that noise?”

“The woman I live with builds musical instruments.”

“She’s going to come out here and see me?”

“No.”

“You’ve trained her to stay inside when a patient’s here?”

“Once she’s in there, it’s for hours.”

“What if she does come out?”

“She’ll go right back in.”

“What’s her name?”

I shook my head.

“Sorry,” she said. “I’m just … I’m jumping out of my skin, this is … I don’t know what it is. Don’t know what to do.”

I uncapped the canister of fish food, scooped a handful of pellets, tossed.

She watched the koi eat. Said, “Well, yummy for them.”

Not a word out of her for a long time. When that didn’t look as if it was going to change, I said, “Tell me what frightens you.”

“Why should I?”

“You’re here.”

She reached for the koi food. “May I?” Tweezing again, she threw in one pellet at a time. “I like the silver one. Elegant.”

I said, “Okay, I’ll start. People who work for you seem to die unnaturally.”

Her arm shot out. She hurled the rest of the food. The fish feasted. “People? All I know is Adriana. And I only know about her because I heard it on TV and it freaked me out completely.”

“Did you contact the police?”

Long pause. “You know the answer. I didn’t. Because I couldn’t see what I could possibly offer. She worked for me only for a short time. I really didn’t know her.”

I said nothing.

She said, “What did you mean ‘people’? You’re freaking me out.”

“First Adriana, then Melvin Jaron Wedd.”

Her hand flew to her face. “What! Mel? No! When?”

“A few days ago.”

“Oh, God, no-what are you telling me?”

“He was murdered a few days ago. Was he a good employee?”

“What?”

I repeated the question.

“Sure, fine, he was great. Murder? What happened-”

“Reliable? Skilled at organizing?”

“Yes, yes, all that, what does it matter?”

I said, “In addition to all that, he had a special talent. Vocal impressions.”

“What? Oh, that, sure, yes, he’d do cartoon characters for the kids. So?”

“He did a pretty good imitation of Donny. When he called me for that appointment on your behalf.”

“What!”

“I thought it was Donny. But it was Mel, wasn’t it?”

She said, “Mel called for me but-I never told him to do that.”

“Guess he improvised.”

“Why would he?”

“I thought you might be able to tell me.”

“Well, I can’t, I have no idea why.”

“Then I’ll take a guess, Prema. Subtle hostility. He didn’t much care for Donny, because he’d learned what Donny is like. He knew that Donny wouldn’t be happy about your consulting a child psychologist. So he mimicked Donny. Mel’s little bit of nasty irony.”

She stared at the water.

I said, “Mel refused to tell me which kid I’d be seeing because the answer was none of them. The kids didn’t need help, they were doing fine. All things considered.”

She looked at me. Her eyes were wet. “I’m doing my best.”

“I believe that you are. So the question remains: Why did you want to see me? I’m a child psychologist so it wasn’t about therapy for you. That leaves some kind of family issue.”

She didn’t answer.

I said, “Maybe a marriage that’s unraveling? A concerned parent wanting to learn about the impact on the children? And how to minimize it?”

She covered her face with both hands.

I said, “You care about everyone and everything. Donny couldn’t care less. You always wanted kids, he never did. You convinced yourself his attitude would change once he saw how cute they could be. It didn’t, he cut them off completely. And they know it. That’s why that picture in the lobby was so stressful. It was his idea, the first time he’d shown any interest in family life, so there had to be an ulterior motive. What was he planning to do with the shot? Use it for publicity?”

She raised her arms, punched air clumsily. “Damn him! For a stupid movie! Big lead role for him, he was going to play a dad.”

“Typecasting.”

Her laugh was bitter. “Caring, bumbling, lovable dad. Can you believe the morons who thought of that?”

“Not exactly Citizen Kane.”

“Not exactly Citizen Sane. Piece-of-crap script, piece-of-crap casting, his big comedy debut, it was going to open a whole new world for him.”

She got up, walked several steps away, returned.

“His plan was to sell the photo to People for big bucks. He never asked me, knew what I’d say. Instead he sprang it on me as we drove from the airport into the city. He’d instructed the driver to go straight to the theater, his agent had paid to rent the lobby. The whole purpose of the trip was educational. Show the kids the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the planetarium. I was surprised when he offered to come along. Allowed myself to be hopeful, maybe he’d seen the light. Then he pulled that! Expecting them to pose for hours of pictures. Him with the tribe, both of us with the tribe. He wanted them to jump in the air and laugh and hug him and kiss him! Disgusting! I killed it. The rule from the beginning was always they never got used. For his crap or mine. He knew that and now he’s trying to change it? Because someone’s paying him to be a dad? He tried to force the issue, I stood my ground. It got ugly, I told the kids to wait in the limo. By the time I got back to the lobby, he was gone. He drove straight back to Teterboro, chartered a plane to Vegas, stayed there for weeks, doing his Vegas thing. The tribe and I tried to make the best of it. I’d rented a big quiet apartment on Sutton Place, doorman, security, off the beaten path. I managed to take them a few places without attracting attention. They wanted to know where he’d gone. I said he wasn’t feeling well but they knew I was lying. I tried to reach out to him, maybe we could talk, work something out. He wouldn’t take my calls. Then he texted me a picture of himself and some … girls. Let me know quite graphically that he didn’t miss me.”

Her face tightened. “After that, we moved even further apart.”

“Lovable dad,” I said. “Don’t recall that film.”

“Never got made.”

“How come?”

“Maybe someone realized how bad he sucks as an actor?” Shrug. “That’s the way the business works, mostly it’s air sandwiches.” Her toe nudged the rock rim.

Time for me to nudge her. “Have you told the kids about Adriana’s death?”

“Of course not!”

“How did you explain her absence?”

“I said she went away on vacation. It would only matter to Boo, Adriana was Boo’s person, the others don’t need anything like that.”

“A nanny.”

“Not even a nanny, just someone to watch Boo when I’m tied up.”

“Four kids,” I said. “Sometimes you can get spread pretty thin.”

“I manage.” She sniffed. “There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing.”

Out of my pant pocket came a piece of paper. I unfolded, pretended to read.

She pretended to ignore me. But it had been a long time since she’d performed and she struggled with her curiosity. “What is that?”

I handed it over. Fumbling in her bag, she produced her glasses. Scanned the receipt from JayMar Laboratory. The copy I’d kept for myself. “Beetles? Scalpels? What is this?”

“Check the name of the recipient, Prema.”

“Who’s that?”

“Someone who buys stuff for you through Apex Management. For you only.”

Her mouth dropped. “What? That’s ridiculous. I’ve never heard of this place! Beetles? Scalpels-a bone saw? What the hell’s going on?”

She tried to return the receipt. I kept my hands in my lap. “Kevin Dubinsky ordered all that stuff for you.”

“Mel handles my purchases.”

“You wanted something, you’d tell Mel, he’d pass it along to Kevin?”

“Who’s Kevin? I don’t know any Kevin. Everything’s done by email, anyway.”

“You’d email Mel and he’d pass it along to-”

“This is crazy.” She re-read. “Der-mestid-sounds gross. Why would I want bugs in my house? We pay a pest service to get rid of bugs, last year it took two days to clear a wasp nest. Kyle-Jacques is allergic to bees and wasps.”

“Dermestid beetles aren’t household pests, they’re specialists, Prema.”

“At what?”

“They consume flesh. Quickly and cleanly. Scientists use them to clean bones.”

“That’s disgusting! Why would I want something like that?”

Her hands shook. The paper rattled.

I’d given her the perfect opening but she’d made no attempt to weasel out by offering a plausible explanation.

Oh, those beetles. I forgot, they were part of the kids’ science project. I’m big on teaching them science, you saw that yesterday.

She said, “Beetles? Scalpels?” She turned white. “You’re saying someone cleaned Mel’s bones? Or Adriana’s-omigod-”

“Mel was shot and left intact. Same for Adriana. Is anyone else authorized to contact Kevin Dubinsky on your behalf?”

“I keep telling you, I don’t know any Kevin Dubinsky. My life-you delegate, things get … away from you.”

“Who has access to your email account?”

“No one has access to my personal account. I don’t use it much, anyway, try to stay off the computer because the Internet’s nothing but mental pollution. I’m into reading. Books. Never had much school, I need to catch up. So I can be smart for the tribe, already they know stuff I don’t. Especially K.J., he knows so much math.”

“Are there other email accounts at your home?”

“Of course, for the household,” she said. “I can’t tell you how many or who uses them-I sure don’t. We have a computer company, they set it up. For day-to-day things.”

“Would those household accounts be used for shopping?”

“For food, toilet paper. Not bugs!”

“Who’s on your staff?”

“Total? If you mean people coming in and out, like gardeners, pool service-those pest-control people-I couldn’t even tell you, there’s always someone around fixing something.”

“Who lives on the premises, like Mel?”

“It used to be crazy, we used to have an army,” she said. “After I stopped working I began to pare down. Mel is-was the overall manager. I used to have a personal assistant but I let her go a few years back, the only reason most people have P.A.s is they’re afraid of being alone. I relish being alone.”

“Does Donny have an assistant?”

“Always,” she said. “They come and go. Girls, always girls. The latest one I couldn’t even tell you her name, we live … Other than that there’s just the housekeepers. Imelda, Lupe, Maria, I need three to keep the place clean, it’s a big undertaking, they’re lovely. Religious ladies, cousins. That’s it. Oh, yeah, a cook. For healthy food.”

“Plus Adriana.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Plus her. She was also religious. I could tell because she kept a Bible by her bed and sometimes I’d see her praying. Personally, I’m not into that but I respect it. Are you saying the same person who killed her killed Mel?”

“Too early to tell,” I said. “Have you moved to replace Adriana?”

“I’m not sure I need to, Boo’s growing more independent. More interactive, hanging out with the tribe more.”

“Do you have chauffeurs?”

“We used to have two, one for him, one for the rest of us, but that was a waste, we don’t go out much, I switched to a car service.”

“Did Donny keep his driver?”

“No … I don’t think so.”

“You don’t know?”

She exhaled. “We don’t exactly live together.”

“Where does he live?”

“Next door. The adjoining property. I mean it’s one property, I bought it years ago, but it’s three separate parcels. I was going to develop it as one big estate but then … things changed. The tribe and I use the big lot. Seven acres, a main house, some outbuildings, tennis court, pool, stuff.”

“And Donny?”

“He took the middle one, around three acres. The smallest one is a little less than an acre. No buildings on it, no one goes there.”

She thrust the JayMar form at me. “Take this back, it’s freaking me out.”

I pocketed the paper. “When you heard about Adriana, did you talk about it to anyone?”

“No.”

“Not Mel?”

“Why would I discuss it with him?”

“People work together, they talk to each other.”

“Mel and I weren’t like that,” she said.

“No socializing.”

“We talked when there was something to talk about. Don’t get the wrong picture, I didn’t snob him out but it’s not like-wasn’t like we were friends, a friend is someone who likes you for yourself. Mel wouldn’t have stuck around for a second if I didn’t pay him.”

Her smile was grim. “I don’t have friends, Dr. Delaware. I have people I pay.”

Thinking of all the women Robert Sommers had spotted parading in and out of Wedd’s apartment, I said, “How was Mel’s love life?”

“He had none that I knew about.”

“No girlfriend?”

She smiled. “Mel was gay.”

“You know that because-”

“He told me. Like I said, when there was something to talk about, we talked. One time Mel was looking upset and I asked him what was wrong and he told me. I have to admit, I had no idea, he never gave off any gay vibe. What was bothering him was he has-had a brother, some macho cowboy-type, and they hadn’t seen each other in a long time because Mel had run from who he was. Now Mel wanted to … what’s the word he used-resurrect, he wanted to resurrect the relationship, was worried once the brother found out it would screw things up permanently. Why is his love life important?”

“Someone gets murdered, it’s good to know about their relationships.”

“Mel may have had some but I’m unaware of them. Why did you show me that beetle thing?”

“The night Adriana was killed, something else was found in the park. The skeleton of a two-month-old. The bones had been cleaned by dermestid beetles.”

She gasped, made a retching sound, bent low. “I’m supposed to be connected to that? That’s insane.” She clawed her hair. “This can’t be happening!”

“Who’d want to set you up, Prema?”

“No one.”

I said, “One more thing. After the bones were cleaned they were coated with beeswax.”

She clutched my arms. Looked me full in the face. Shrieked.

Springing to her feet, she backed away from me as if I were diseased. Ran toward the house, made it to the kitchen steps but didn’t climb them.

Instead, she began pacing the yard. Fast, robotic, tearing at her hair. Great workout companion for Milo.

On her ninth circuit, she sped to the rear of the yard where tall trees blacken the grass. Leaning against the trunk of my oldest coast redwood, she sobbed convulsively.

Just as I’d decided to approach her, she straightened her shoulders, sucked in breath, and returned to the teak bench.

“The park where she-where they were both found. If they mentioned it on the TV, I didn’t hear, I really wasn’t paying attention until I heard Adriana’s name. Was it Cheviot?”

“How’d you know that, Prema?”

“Oh, I know.” Gripping her knees with both hands, she put herself in an awkward crouch. As if prepping for a leap off a cliff.

Nowhere to fly. She remained frozen. Moaned. “I know all sorts of things.”