Havoc

9 Tough Love

Dred wrestled with a colossal wash of rage as she stared at the sentry who had told her, unwittingly, about Jael’s illicit departure. “What time was this?”

“Seven hours ago, give or take.”

She couldn’t let the guard know how far out of his jurisdiction Jael was operating, or it would look like she couldn’t control her damned champion. When I get my hands on him . . . She nodded as if he’d had authorization to vanish with the best weapon Queensland had ever acquired. A small, bitter voice whispered, You should never have trusted him. He’s ripped you off and gone to join Silence or Katur. She didn’t think he’d be stupid enough to team up with Mungo. Silence, too, seemed unlikely, but maybe Jael thought he’d have a better chance of survival with Death’s Handmaiden. Determinedly, she shook her head. Bullshit, whatever he’s doing, it’s not that.

The man went on, “But he should be back by now, right?”

“Probably,” she said tightly.

“He’s a tough bastard. I’m sure he’s all right.”

She offered an icy smile. “I’m more worried about the rifle. Inform me immediately if and when he returns.”

Dred strode off to see if Tam or Martine knew anything, but they were both genuinely surprised to hear Jael had taken off. Their facial expressions were unstudied, and their emotions echoed what they said aloud. Sometimes her gift was useful though she never forgot it was also a bomb waiting for a chance to explode. Control was a tenuous, fragile thing, one reason she tried so hard to go numb and not feel anything at all.

Safer that way, for more than the usual reasons.

She was about to go searching when the sentry shouted, “The champion’s returning.”

With a soft curse, she jogged to the barricade, intending to verbally yank out his spine, but when he fell more than landed, she moved forward and pulled him to his feet. His face was pale and sticky with sweat, his eyes shining with incredible pain. He used the rifle as a crutch, something she’d deal with later. Frustrated, she dropped an arm around his shoulders. Queensland watched them go silently; it took all of her self-control not to tear into him in front of everyone. Rage throbbed in her head. Silently, she took the weapon from him and dragged him to her room.

“I should kill you.”

His smile was shaky. “Just make it quick, love, I beg you.”

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Jael’s face tightened under what Dred took as a fresh onslaught of agony. “That something had to be done, and I’m the one to do it.”

“Mission report.” It gave her dreadful satisfaction to make him speak when she could tell he was having a hard time getting his breath.

“I hunted mercs. Took one out.”

“One. And you look like this. That’s disappointing. Did you retrieve any weapons?”

“It’s lucky I didn’t lose this one. Had to jump down a recycling chute to escape.”

That gave her pause. “How are you still in one piece?”

“Strong thighs?” But he couldn’t hold the light expression. When his breathing hitched, he went more green than pale.

“Let me guess, you’re now even more injured. That’s a brilliant move.”

“Broken ribs. Not sure how many. And I think I might’ve punctured a lung crawling back out of the chute.” He fell into a coughing fit that hunched him over, and as he straightened, she saw the blood spattering his lips.

Not for anything would she reveal how much concern was overtaking the anger. “You’re an idiot. What if you can’t heal this? Was killing one merc worth your life?”

“Depends on the merc,” he managed.

But the blood on his lips had her shoving him down onto her bunk. He winced as he landed but seemed to relax when he realized she wasn’t going to pummel him. Dred had no idea what to do for a punctured lung or broken ribs. Shit, they didn’t even have pain meds, no medical treatment of any kind.

“If you weren’t so hurt, I’d have you bound and be lashing you in public by now.”

“What’d I say before, love? No time for sex-pain games.”

“Is everything a joke to you? I won’t have you undermining me like this. It’s bad enough that we’ve got this shit to deal with. I can’t have you—”

But he was already unconscious. It would serve him right if she left him to live or die on his regenerative ability, and she wrestled with the decision longer than she would’ve liked. In the end, she put Tam, Martine, and Ike in charge of Queensland and returned to her quarters with broth from the Kitchen-mate and a pot of sweetleaf tea. When she’d snuffed out so many lives, it was laughable that she was in charge of saving his, and it wasn’t like when he was poisoned and she only had to breathe for him. But at base, she understood that she was the reason he was suffering at the moment—because he’d saved her.

Time to return the favor.

He was out for twelve hours, long enough for her to wonder if he’d wake up again. She remembered what he’d said about falling into a coma, though, so maybe his body was repairing the damage. Dred spooned broth and tea down his throat, knowing it was important to keep him hydrated. She was still angry with him, but it was hard to keep the rage at a fever pitch when you were responsible for someone else’s welfare.

He’s dulling my sharp edges.

It would be smarter to kill him in his sleep, before he breached her emotional perimeter completely. But even as it occurred to her, she knew she wouldn’t do it. Prudence and caution had flown away when it came to Jael. He wasn’t just the new fish she’d recruited because he fought like a demon. His speed and strength were beside the point. Exhaustion stole over her, and she lay down beside him, muted fury still simmering in her head.

It was the middle of the next downtime when he woke. Dred registered the change in his breathing even in her sleep and propped up on an elbow to peer at him. The lights were low, just lines along the base of the wall to keep her from stumbling fresh from sleep. In the pale glow, his color was a little better, and he was no longer soaked in pain sweat.

“It looks like I’ll live,” he said, sounding surprised.

“Possibly. You still have a lashing to get through.”

“We both know that’s not going to happen. If you punish me, everyone will discover that I acted without your authority. They’ll think you can’t keep your dog on a leash, love. And that’ll wreck the image Tam’s spent so much time crafting.”

Dred rolled over him nimbly. “I didn’t say it would be public.”

His expression was . . . priceless. “You mean to do it in here?”

“You will learn to talk to me,” she said quietly. “You will discover you can’t make unilateral moves without consulting me.”

“You think pain will teach me?” His mouth curved in a lopsided smile. “It’s been my tutor every day of my life, and I never seem to learn. But if it’ll make you feel better—”

Epiphany crashed over her. Normal discipline wouldn’t work on him. Tying him to a pole and going to work with a whip would only drive a wedge, make him more convinced he couldn’t rely on anyone but himself. Whatever he told himself, that’s why he did this. To prove that I’ll turn on him—that I can’t be trusted. So what am I going to do with you? It was obvious she couldn’t punish him, and he was hurt already.

So she did the hardest thing imaginable. She told him the truth. “I’m angry because I was worried about you. I don’t want to care, but I do. And it makes me sick to my stomach.”

He lost the devil-may-care air immediately. In fact, he looked as if he’d taken a blow to the sternum. “Caring?”

“Especially about someone who has so little regard for himself, who seems to think he’s disposable.”

“Aren’t I?”

“Not to me.”

“Then you’re too dependent on my freakish abilities for your own good, queenie.” He made a valiant effort to rebuild his walls.

Not this time.

“Your physiology has nothing to do with why you’re important to me. Let’s have that shirt off.”

Jael seemed stunned as she helped him out of the sweat-soaked clothing. Her gentleness had reached him. He needs to feel like he matters, maybe more than anyone else in here. Dred recognized the hunger; she’d known it a time or two when her parents were distracted with other problems. He’s never had anyone in his corner. There’s always a price, always a point where betrayal becomes inevitable. If discipline and punishment couldn’t reach him, maybe kindness could. She’d had good parents. Dred remembered what it looked and sounded like. Let this work. I don’t know what else to do. I can’t let him undermine me, and I can’t defend Queensland alone. In economical motions, she dipped a rag in cool water and perched on the bunk beside him. The covers revealed the deep bruising on his side, now faded as if it had been several days instead of hours.

“I’ve no idea what you’re about,” he said in a shattered tone.

“Just a quick bath. It should tide you over until you’re strong enough to shower.”

With careful motions, she washed every inch of him, and it was beyond intimate, done in silence. He watched her hands sweep over his body with a ravenous, bewildered expression, and that was exactly what she intended. By the time she finished, he was obviously stirred up. She sat back with a faint smile.

“I don’t know if that was brilliant or diabolical,” he murmured.

“Bit of both?”

“Definitely.” He tried to pull her hands back to his chest, but she resisted. “Especially if you intend to leave me this way.”

“That depends on you,” she said softly. “I can make you very happy. Or I can leave you be. What happens next hinges on your answer.”

“What’s the question?”

She flattened her hands on either side of his head, leaning down so their faces were close. “Promise me you’ll never do that again. Promise you’ll talk to me first.”

“If I do?” He raised a brow, trying to seem unconcerned, but she glimpsed his shaken aspect, echoed by the glimmering sparks of emotion streaming off him, too strong for her sixth sense to ignore.

“Then I’ll forgive you, and we’ll have make-up sex.”

“And if I don’t?”

“I leave you to recover and go about my business. But I’ll never trust you again.”

He seemed perplexed, slightly incredulous. “It’s as simple as that. You’d believe me if I promised? How do you know I won’t lie?”

“I can tell,” she reminded him.

Jael drew in a deeper breath than he could when he first returned, another sign that his healing had kicked in, albeit slowly. “Then I promise. I won’t go rogue again. And . . . I’m sorry.” From the way he rushed the words, she suspected he’d never said them before.

“Forgiven. Scoot over.” He did so, looking puzzled, but he was in no shape to orchestrate the sex she’d promised. “I’ll be slow and careful with you.”

“Then you will kill me.”

Dred stroked her bare fingers everywhere she’d touched first with the damp cloth, and he shivered, lit up from the inside with longing. It was obvious he was ready to dispense with the preliminaries . . . but she wasn’t. So she followed the path she’d blazed with fingertips with her lips, until he was trembling.

“Please,” he whispered. “I’ve learned my lesson.”

She smiled at that. “Have you?”

“I swear. I think I’d rather have the lash than another minute of this.”

His hands came to her hips, hard and desperate, and she let him pull her up, but she was cautious, making sure she didn’t put any weight on his chest. She sank down on him in an easy motion.

“I’ll do all the work. I don’t want you to hurt your ribs.”

Frustration flashed bright as blue flame in his eyes, but he stayed still. Dred knew what she was asking of him—complete faith that she’d bring him to pleasure. That didn’t come easy for a man like him. But she rode him and watched his face, and he let her see what he needed, shifts in pressure and pace, until they were gasping. She could’ve cheated and broadcast her desire so that he was swept into it. Instead, she took him there by centimeters, and when he arched, it was a tsunami of an orgasm. She fell just after, relaxing control only once she was sure of his. Then she rolled to the side, mindful of his ribs.

“Think you can leash me with sex, love?” His hand was gentle on her back.

“No,” she said gently. “Because you don’t need a leash. You need to trust me.”

He drew her into his arms, whispering, “Mary help me, I’d walk into a fire for you.”