Her Mother’s Grave

Chapter Forty

JOSIE – ELEVEN YEARS OLD

Josie watched as her mother’s body language changed. Her posture was looser, and she had that fake smile she often used on her special friends when she didn’t have enough money for needles or pills. She moved closer to the man, her legs touching the inside of his. “Between you and me, I think we could work something out, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” he asked. “Like a trade?”

Josie’s mother reached down and ran a hand up his thigh to his belt. “Something like that. I do something for you, and we forget all about the paint job. Call it even.”

He chuckled. “Even, huh?”

She straddled him. His hands reached for her hips, but his eyes traveled over her shoulder to where Josie remained paralyzed at the kitchen table. Her mother followed his gaze, glancing at Josie. Then she turned back to him, using an index finger to bring his attention back to her. “We’ll go in the back,” she said.

His hands snaked down and around her mother’s back, cupping her rear. He leaned into her and whispered something in her ear. At first she laughed, but then he whispered something else. There was a lengthy discussion that Josie couldn’t make out. Then she heaved off his lap. She went back to the sink and rinsed a glass out, filling it with vodka. Josie waited for them to disappear into her mother’s bedroom so she could concentrate on her fractions, but instead, the glass of vodka appeared in front of her. Her mother pushed it across the table until it was under Josie’s nose. From the couch, the man smiled widely.

“JoJo,” her mother said, “you drink this.”

Josie stared at her mother. “Mom, I can’t drink alcohol. I’m not supposed to.”

Her mother tapped an index finger against the rim of the glass. Josie could feel the man’s eyes on her. She looked at him again, but this time his smile looked different—hungry and a little bit greedy. Josie’s heart skipped several beats and then raced ahead. The room seemed to close in on her.

Her mother said, “I’m your mother and what I say goes. Now you’re gonna drink this down, and then you’re gonna go into the back with this nice man.”

“In-into the back?” Josie said, her voice cracking.

Her mother rolled her eyes. “Yes, the back. You can use my bedroom.”

“Use it?”

She pushed the glass closer, and the liquid sloshed over the rim, spilling across Josie’s math homework. She lowered her voice. “Don’t ask questions, JoJo. You go into the back room with this gentleman and just do whatever he tells you to do, you got it?”

The vodka stung so badly, Josie gagged on it. “Jesus, JoJo,” her mother complained. She went to the fridge and searched through it until she found a carton of orange juice. She poured some into the cup, diluting the vodka. Even with the juice, it smarted all the way down, burning Josie’s mouth and throat and leaving a funny numb feeling on her tongue.

Josie’s mother made her drink another glass after she finished the first. When she grabbed Josie’s arm and pulled her up out of her seat, the room spun. Josie’s feet wouldn’t work. She couldn’t tell if it was from the vodka or from the way the man was looking at her. Her mother’s bedroom door was at once a million miles away and too close for comfort.

She didn’t want to do whatever the man told her to do. She had a panicky feeling inside that he would want to do the disgusting things her mother did with men. Josie had seen them many times. Sometimes her mother was too drunk or high to remember to put Josie into the closet or to go to her own bedroom with her special friends. There had been several times that Josie was at the kitchen table when they started taking their clothes off. No one noticed her, and she was too afraid to try to run past them to her room and draw attention to herself. The things the men did to her mother looked painful and scary.

“Mommy, I don’t want to,” Josie choked out.

“Shut up, JoJo.” Her mother pushed her down the hallway and she stumbled, reaching for the dark paneled walls to steady herself. The man followed.

Josie felt his hand in her hair, and she jumped. His laughter was hot on the back of her neck. “Relax, sweetheart. I’m going to make you feel good.”

Nausea roiled in her stomach. The vodka and orange juice threatened to come back up. He was so close. Too close. The heat of his body closed in on her. Tears stung her eyes. His hand slid down from her neck, tracing her spine, moving down until one of his fingers hooked inside the waistband of her cotton shorts.

She stumbled again, and her shorts, caught on his finger, pulled down a little, exposing her. The man gave a low whistle. “This is gonna be fun,” he said, making Josie’s heart thud so hard in her chest, it hurt. She shut her eyes as she closed her hand around the handle of the bedroom door, and turned…

Suddenly, the trailer’s front door banged open behind her and the man jumped back, snapping his hand away from her body. She turned, looking past him, to where Needle now stood just inside the trailer. Without moving, he looked from her mother to where Josie and the man were frozen in place. His dark beady eyes narrowed at the man in the hallway. “What the hell’s going on here?” he asked.

All eyes turned to Josie’s mother. For a fraction of a second, Josie thought she saw fear in her mother’s eyes. It was quickly replaced with a flash of anger. She stepped toward Needle. “Nothing that concerns you,” she told him.

But Needle remained rooted to the spot. He gestured toward the man. “Who the hell’s that?”

Her mother rolled her eyes. “None of your goddamn business. Did you bring anything?”

Needle ignored her. “JoJo,” he called.

Josie said nothing. Her fear, mixed with the effects of the vodka, robbed her of speech. Her eyes pleaded with him.

“Hey,” her mother said irritably. “I told you to stay—”

“Shut up,” Needle said. He held out a hand in Josie’s direction. “JoJo, come on now. Come over here.”

Somehow, Josie’s feet scuttled toward him. His hand touched the top of her head, and he nodded toward the front door. “Go on outside and play now.”

“You son of a bitch,” her mother growled, but Needle ignored her, pushing Josie toward the door.

She didn’t have to be told twice. She practically tumbled out into the cool air, running into the woods as quickly as her feet would carry her.