Hidden in Plain Sight

2

‘So, have you passed your sergeant’s exam,’ asked his father, ‘or are you destined to be a detective constable for the rest of your life?’

William’s expression gave nothing away, as if he were facing the eminent QC from the witness box.

‘One day your son will be the commissioner,’ said Beth, giving her prospective father-in-law a warm smile.

‘I’m still waiting to hear the results of the exam,’ sighed William, as he winked at his fiancée.

‘I’m sure you will have passed with flying colours, my dear,’ said his mother. ‘But if your father were to take the same exam, I wouldn’t be quite as confident.’

‘That’s something we can all agree on,’ said his sister.

‘A judgement that’s made without evidence or facts to support it,’ said Sir Julian, as he rose from his place and began to circle the room. ‘Tell me, what form does this examination take?’ he demanded, clutching the lapels of his jacket as if he were addressing a wavering jury.

‘It falls into three parts,’ said William. ‘Physical, which includes a five-mile run that has to be completed in under forty minutes.’

‘Not much hope of my achieving that,’ admitted Sir Julian, as he continued to circle the room.

‘Self-defence, where I just about held my own.’

‘No chance with that one either,’ said Sir Julian, ‘unless it was a verbal attack rather than physical.’

‘And then, finally, you have to swim three lengths of the pool in uniform, holding a truncheon, without sinking.’

‘I’m exhausted just thinking about it,’ said Grace.

‘Your father’s failed on all three counts so far,’ said his mother, ‘so he would certainly have to spend the rest of his life as a constable on the beat.’

‘Does the police force have any interest in mental acuity,’ demanded Sir Julian, as he came to a halt in front of them, ‘or is it just about who can do the most press-ups?’

William didn’t admit that there wasn’t actually a physical test, and he’d simply been winding his father up. But he was still determined not to let the old man off the hook.

‘After that came the practical tests, Dad. It will be fascinating to see if you fare any better with them.’

‘I’m ready,’ said Sir Julian, setting off on his perambulation again.

‘You have to attend three crime scenes so the examiners can see how you’d react in different circumstances. I did quite well on the first test, when I had to breathalyse a driver who’d been involved in a minor prang. The test result was amber, not red, indicating that he’d been drinking recently, but he wasn’t over the limit.’

‘Did you arrest him?’ asked Grace.

‘No, I let him off with a warning.’

‘Why?’ demanded Sir Julian.

‘Because he didn’t actually fail the test, and also the police national computer revealed that he was a chauffeur with no previous offences, so if I’d arrested him, he might have lost his job.’

‘You’re a wimp,’ said Sir Julian. ‘Next?’

‘I had to follow up a robbery at a jewellery shop. One of the staff was screaming, and the manager was in a state of shock. I calmed them both down before radioing for assistance, then sealed off the crime scene and waited for back-up to arrive.’

‘You seem to be doing very well so far,’ said his mother.

‘I thought so too, until I was put in charge of a team of young constables who were attending a protest march in support of nuclear disarmament, and it started to get out of hand.’

‘What happened?’ asked his sister.

‘It appears that I didn’t respond calmly enough when a protester called one of my men a fascist bastard.’

‘I can’t imagine what they would have called me,’ said Sir Julian.

‘Or how you would have reacted,’ said Marjorie.

Everyone laughed except Beth, who wanted to know how William had responded.

‘I kicked him in the balls.’

‘You did what?’ said his mother.

‘Actually, I only drew my truncheon, but that wasn’t what he claimed when we got him back to the station. It didn’t help that I failed to mention what actually happened in my report.’

‘I can’t pretend I’m doing any better,’ said Sir Julian, slumping back in his chair.

‘Father, let’s face it,’ said William, handing him a cup of coffee. ‘You’d have locked up the drunk driver, told the shop manager and his assistant to stop being so pathetic, and undoubtedly kicked the protester in the balls a second time. Excuse my French, Mother.’

‘You said there were three parts to the exam,’ said Sir Julian, trying to recover.

‘The third part is a written exam.’

‘Then I’m still in with a chance.’

‘You have to answer sixty questions in ninety minutes.’ William sipped his coffee and leant back, before indulging his father. ‘If you picked some wild daffodils from a neighbour’s garden and then gave them to your wife, would either of you have committed a crime?’

‘Most certainly,’ said Sir Julian. ‘The husband is guilty of theft. But was the wife aware that he’d taken the daffodils from their neighbour’s garden?’

‘Yes, she was,’ said William.

‘Then she’s guilty of receiving stolen goods. An open-and-shut case.’

‘I don’t agree, m’lud,’ said Grace, rising from her place. ‘I think you’ll find the relevant word is “wild”. If all parties concerned were aware that the flowers were wild and had not been planted by the neighbour, my client was entitled to pick them.’

‘That was my answer,’ said William. ‘And it turns out that Grace and I are right.’

‘Give me one more chance,’ said Sir Julian, readjusting his non-existent gown.

‘At what age is a young person responsible for a criminal act? Eight, ten, fourteen or seventeen?’

‘Ten,’ said Grace, before her father could respond.

‘Right again,’ said William.

‘I confess I don’t defend many juveniles.’

‘Only because they can’t afford your exorbitant fees,’ said Grace.

‘Have you ever defended a juvenile, Grace?’ asked her mother, before Sir Julian could continue his cross-examination.

‘Yes. Only last week I represented an eleven-year-old accused of shoplifting in Balham.’

‘No doubt you got him off, after claiming he’d come from a deprived background and his father beat him regularly.’

‘Her,’ said Grace. ‘Her father abandoned the family home soon after she was born, leaving his wife to hold down two jobs while bringing up three children.’

‘It should never have come to court,’ said William’s mother.

‘I agree with you, Mother, and it wouldn’t have if the girl hadn’t unfortunately been caught stealing the finest cuts of meat from her local supermarket and dropping them into a foil-lined carrier bag, to evade the store’s security detectors. She then walked a hundred yards up the road and sold them to an unscrupulous local butcher.’

‘What did the court decide?’ asked Marjorie.

‘The butcher was heavily fined, and the child has been taken into care. But then, she didn’t have the advantage of being brought up by loving middle-class parents, in a comfortable country cottage in Kent. She’d never strayed more than a mile from her own front door. She didn’t even know there was a river running through the city she was born in.’

‘Should I be regarded as guilty, m’lud, simply for having tried to give my children a decent start in life?’ said Sir Julian, before adding, ‘Am I allowed one more chance before the examiners deport me?’

‘Pass him a violin,’ said Marjorie.

‘A publican becomes aware that some of his customers are smoking cannabis in his beer garden,’ said William. ‘Is he committing an offence?’

‘He most certainly is,’ said Sir Julian, ‘because he is allowing his premises to be used for the consumption of a controlled substance.’

‘And if one of the customers smoking the cannabis hands it to a friend, who takes a puff, is he also guilty of a crime?’

‘Of course. He is guilty of both possession and of supplying a controlled drug, and should be charged accordingly.’

‘Madness,’ said Grace.

‘I agree,’ said William. ‘Not least because the force doesn’t have the resources to pursue every minor crime.’

‘Hardly minor,’ said Sir Julian. ‘In fact, it’s the beginning of a slippery slope.’

‘What if the landlord or the customer wasn’t aware it was a crime?’ asked Beth.

‘Ignorance of the law is no defence,’ said Sir Julian. ‘Otherwise you could murder whomever you pleased, and claim you didn’t realize it was a crime.’

‘What a good idea,’ said Marjorie. ‘Because I would have pleaded lack of knowledge a long time ago if I could have got away with murdering my husband. In fact, the only thing that’s stopped me doing so is the knowledge that I’d need him to defend me when the case came to court.’

Everyone burst out laughing.

‘Frankly, Mother,’ said Grace, ‘half the Bar Council would be only too willing to defend you, while the other half would appear as witnesses for the defence.’

‘Nevertheless,’ said Sir Julian, passing a hand across a furrowed brow, ‘am I right this time?’

‘Yes, Father. But don’t be surprised if cannabis is legalized in my lifetime.’

‘But not in mine, I hope,’ said Sir Julian with feeling.

‘It sounds to me,’ said Marjorie, ‘that even though your father would have failed the exam hopelessly, you must have passed.’

‘Despite kicking a protester in the balls,’ said Sir Julian.

‘No, I didn’t,’ said William.

‘No, you didn’t pass, or no, you didn’t kick the protester in the balls?’ demanded his father.

They all laughed.

‘You’re right, Marjorie,’ said Beth, coming to her fiancé’s rescue. ‘As of next Monday, William will be Detective Sergeant Warwick.’

Sir Julian was the first to stand and raise his glass. ‘Congratulations, my boy,’ he said. ‘Here’s to the first step on a long ladder.’

‘The first step on a long ladder,’ repeated the rest of the family, as they all stood and raised their glasses.

‘So, how long before you become an inspector?’ asked Sir Julian, before he’d even sat back down.

‘Pipe down, Father,’ said Grace, ‘or I might tell everyone what the judge said about you during his summing-up of your most recent case.’

‘Prejudiced old buffer.’

‘Takes one...’ said all four of them in unison.

‘What’s next on your agenda, my boy?’ asked Sir Julian, in an attempt to recover.

‘The Hawk is planning to shake up our entire department, now the politicians have finally accepted that the country is facing a major drugs problem.’

‘Just how bad is it?’ asked Marjorie.

‘Over two million people in Britain are regularly smoking cannabis. Another four hundred thousand are snorting cocaine, among them some of our friends, including a judge, although in his case only at weekends. More tragically, there are over a quarter of a million registered heroin addicts, which is one of the main reasons the NHS is so overstretched.’

‘If that’s the case,’ said Sir Julian, ‘some evil bastards must be making a fortune at the addicts’ expense.’

‘Some of the leading drug barons are coining literally millions, while young dealers, some of them still at school, can make as much as a hundred pounds a day, which is more than my commander is paid, let alone a humble detective sergeant.’

‘With so much cash swirling around,’ said Sir Julian, ‘the less scrupulous of your colleagues might well be tempted to take a cut.’

‘Not if Commander Hawksby has his way. He considers a bent copper worse than any criminal.’

‘I agree with him,’ said Sir Julian.

‘So what does he plan to do about the drugs problem?’ asked Grace.

‘The commissioner has given him the authority to set up an elite unit, whose sole purpose will be to track down one particular drug baron and take him out, while the area drugs squads concentrate on the supply chain, leaving the local police to handle the dealers on the streets, and the users, who are committing other crimes like burglary and theft to fund their addiction.’

‘I’ve defended one or two of them recently,’ said Grace. ‘Desperate, pathetic creatures, with little purpose in life other than getting their next fix. How long will it be before those in authority realize it’s often a medical problem, and not all addicts should be treated as criminals?’

‘But they are criminals,’ interjected her father, ‘and they should be locked up, not mollycoddled. Wait until it’s your home that’s burgled, Grace, then you might feel differently.’

‘We’ve already been burgled, twice,’ said Grace.

‘Probably by someone who can’t hold down a job. Addicts begin by stealing from their parents,’ said William, ‘then their friends, then anyone who leaves a window open. When I was on the beat, I once arrested a young adult who had a dozen TVs in his flat, scores of other electrical items, paintings, watches and even a tiara. And then there are the fences, who are making a small fortune. They set up so-called pawn shops for customers who never intend to claim the goods back.’

‘But surely you can shut them down?’ said Beth.

‘We do. But they’re like cockroaches. Stamp on one of them and half a dozen more come scuttling out of the woodwork. Drugs are now an international industry like oil, banking, or steel. If some of the biggest cartels had to declare their annual profits, not only would they be among the top hundred companies on the stock exchange, but the Exchequer would be able to collect billions more in taxes.’

‘Perhaps the time has come to consider regulated legalization of some drugs,’ said Grace.

‘Over my dead body,’ said Sir Julian.

‘I fear there will be a lot more dead bodies, if we don’t.’

Sir Julian was momentarily silenced, which Marjorie took advantage of. ‘Thank heavens we live in Shoreham,’ she said.

‘I can assure you, Mother, there are more drug dealers in Shoreham than there are traffic wardens.’

‘So what does the Hawk plan to do about it?’ demanded Sir Julian.

‘Cut the head off the monster who controls half the dealers in London.’

‘So why don’t you just arrest him?’

‘On what charge? Apart from the fact that we don’t even know what he looks like. We don’t know his real name, or where he lives. In the trade he’s known as the Viper, but we’ve yet to locate his nest, let alone—’

‘How are your wedding plans coming along, Beth?’ asked Marjorie, wanting to change the subject. ‘Have you finally settled on a date?’

‘Unfortunately not,’ said William.

‘Yes, we have,’ said Beth.

‘Good of you to let me know,’ said William. ‘Let’s hope I’m not on duty that day, or worse, in a witness box trying to nail a hardened criminal who’s being defended by my overpaid father.’

‘In which case, the trial will be over by lunch,’ said Sir Julian, ‘and we’ll both be able to make it on time.’

‘I need to ask a favour,’ said Beth, ignoring them both and turning to Marjorie.

‘Of course,’ said Marjorie. ‘We’d be only too delighted to help.’

‘Because my father had to spend a couple of years in prison, and as we’ve—’

‘A miscarriage of justice that was rightly overturned,’ interjected Grace.

‘And as we’ve only recently found somewhere to live,’ continued Beth, ‘I wondered if we could be married in your local church?’

‘Where Marjorie and I were married,’ said Sir Julian. ‘I can’t think of anything that would give me greater pleasure.’

‘How about Miles Faulkner ending up in jail for four years,’ suggested William, ‘and at the same time, Booth Watson QC being struck off the Bar Council.’

Sir Julian didn’t speak for some time. ‘I’ll have to ask the judge for a recess, as I might have to consider a change of plea.’

‘How about you, Grace?’ asked William.

‘I only wish I could marry my partner in the local church.’