House of the Rising Sun

CHAPTER NINETEEN

After Ray got out of the shower, Jenny handed him the clothes she had dug out of the bedroom closet. She sat on the end of the bed while he slipped on an old pair of khakis. After buttoning them, Ray ran his hand down inside the waistband, showing her a couple inches of extra room. “Prison food is pretty lousy.” After he pulled on a blue golf shirt, he said, “I can’t believe you kept this stuff.”

For weeks after Ray was arrested, Jenny Porter cried herself to sleep every night, her face buried in one of his shirts. After a while the shirts stopped smelling like him, so she had washed them and hung them up in the closet, eventually forgetting about them. She supposed that somewhere in the back of her mind she had always hoped he would come back. However, that was something Ray didn’t need to know. She gave him a smile. “Goodwill wouldn’t take them.”

He pointed to the closet. “Any chance you got a pair of my old shoes in there?”

She shook her head. “I’ll light a fire and we can dry your shoes in front of the fireplace.”

She was glad when they left the bedroom. Too many memories, both good and bad. In the den she crouched in front of the small fireplace and struck a long match. She turned the gas valve until she heard the hiss. Then she held the flame near the jets until the gas ignited. Ray padded over on bare feet and set his shoes and socks down in front of the brick hearth.

The clock on the mantle read 6:30.

Jenny said, “You hungry?”

“Starving.”

“Eggs all right?”

He nodded. “That’d be great.”

Just like that, she flashed back as a montage of images from a better time played in her mind.

Late afternoon, both of them about to leave for work, Ray with the Vice Squad, she as a bartender. She stood in the kitchen in bare feet, whipping up something for him to eat before he left. Kissing him on his way out the door, telling him to be careful.

Jenny cracked four eggs for the both of them, then threw in an extra one, remembering how skinny Ray had gotten in prison, and scrambled them in a skillet. She toasted bread and poured orange juice. After they ate, Ray helped her pick up. That part was new. He used to stuff his food down and rush out, leaving everything on the table for her to clean up before she left for work.

By the time they finished cleaning up the kitchen, it was 7:00 AM , and Jenny was dead tired.

As if he had read her mind, Ray stifled a yawn and said, “You mind if I crash on the sofa? I’m about to pass out.”

No, she didn’t mind. She almost, almost but not quite, told him he could take half the bed. It was the same bed they used to sleep in together every night. Both of them needed sleep, what was the harm? She didn’t tell him that, though, because he might say no. He might say no because she was a whore, or because he was afraid of catching something, or both. Jenny didn’t think she could bear hearing him say no, so she didn’t say anything.

Instead she pulled a spare pillow and blanket down from the shelf in the hall closet and tossed them to him. Ray leaned the pillow against the armrest and was unfolding the blanket when Jenny asked, “You ever think of where we’d be if we hadn’t messed our lives up so bad?”

Ray didn’t look at her. He kept his eyes on the blanket as he spread it out on the sofa.

Embarrassed by his silence, she forced out a laugh and said, “Probably doesn’t matter. People like us always screw things up.”

He stood up and looked at her with a penetrating stare. She tried to meet it, but after a couple of seconds she had to look away. When he spoke, his voice was low, almost a whisper, “I think about it every day.”

Her belly tightened as a lump formed in her throat, forcing her to swallow a couple of times before she said, “Me, too.”

“What you said earlier, about how people can change, do you really believe that?”

Afraid her voice would crack, she just nodded.

“How?” he asked.

She stood across the sofa from him, looking straight in his eyes. “First, I think you’ve got to admit that whatever happened is your fault, and then you’ve got to make up your mind that you’re going to change.” She saw him shaking his head, so before he had a chance to interrupt, she added, “Then you’ve just got to do it. You’ve got to change. Just quit doing the things you used to do.”

Ray’s gaze faltered and he looked away. “I wish it was that easy.” He sat down on the end of the sofa, his back to her.

She walked around and sat down near him, not next to him, not crowding him, leaving a foot or so of cushion between them. “I didn’t say it was easy.”

With his elbows resting on his knees, Ray leaned forward. “One night when I first got on the job, maybe two or three months out of the academy, me and my partner, my field training officer, got a call. Shots fired. It was a little neighborhood off North Galvez in the Third District. We roll up on the scene and I see this guy lying in the street, really half in the street and half on the grass. He’s shot to shit, maybe six, seven holes in his chest and one in his face. Blew the back of his head out.

“There’s a lady standing ten feet away screaming and crying. Turns out the victim is her husband. Later we find out he was a shithead, owed somebody money over a dope deal, but at the time we didn’t know that. She’s pointing across the street screaming that the guy who shot her husband ran between two houses.

“My FTO, a big fat dude who had been on the job twenty years and couldn’t run ten feet, he tells me to go after the guy while he calls it in and secures the crime scene. So off I go, flashlight in one hand, gun in the other. I’m creeping down this pitch-black alley, and I hear a big dog barking like crazy, hear his claws tearing at a chain-link fence.

“Next thing I know I hear a shot. I duck and aim my light and my gun toward the back of the alley. I see the guy trying to go over the fence into the backyard. There’s a dog back there on the ground just on the other side of the fence. The guy has shot the dog and is trying to climb over the fence. I take a shot at him but my hand’s shaking so bad I miss. Doesn’t matter, though, the guy hears the shot, he throws down his gun, puts his hands up, and surrenders.

“I hear my partner screaming from the street, but he doesn’t come down the alley because he’s scared. I cuff the perp, pick up his gun, and walk back to the car.”

Ray was quiet for a few seconds, staring down at the floor. “I never felt so good in my life.”

She reached across the space between them and laid a hand on his leg, not a sexual gesture, just one of reassurance. “Why did you tell me that story, Ray?”

He took a deep breath. “Everything was simple then. I was the good guy. The man in that alley, he was the bad guy. A week later my FTO and I respond to a house burglary. The owner was out jogging and somebody broke in. Owner stays outside while we go in to check the residence, make sure whoever did it is gone. Upstairs in the bedroom my partner finds the owner’s wallet. It’s obvious the burglar didn’t get upstairs, nothing’s moved around, no sign the place has been tossed. My partner slips the guy’s wallet into his pocket. End of the shift he hands me sixty bucks, says it’s my cut.”

“What did you do?”

He looked at her. “Put it in my pocket.”

A frown crossed her face. “You kept it?”

Ray shrugged. “He was my FTO. He wrote my evaluations. On my way home that night I felt bad about it. I was stopped at the light at Tulane and Jeff Davis and I see this bum sitting on the neutral ground. He had one of those signs, handwritten on cardboard with a piece of string looped around his neck. Sign said ‘help a Vietnam vet,’ or ‘will work for food,’ something like that. I rolled down my window, wadded up the money, and threw it at him.”

Jenny reached behind him and rubbed his back. “You serious about changing?”

“It’s too late,” he said.

She asked him again, “Are you serious about changing?”

Silence. Then he nodded. “I want to.”

“Wanting to is not enough. You’ve got to do it.” But talk was cheap. She was stuck in the same trap as Ray. She wanted to change, wanted to change so badly it hurt, but she didn’t have the strength. Until now. She had never verbalized it like she was doing right now. Hearing her own words as they bounced off Ray and came back. She could do it, and she could help him do it.

Ray snapped his fingers. “Just like that?”

Jenny pulled her hand away and shook her head, feeling a new strength. “What did I tell you that you had to do first?”

Ray didn’t answer.

“You have to admit it’s your fault.”

“What’s my fault?”

“Everything.”

“Everything’s my fault?” he said, sounding defensive.

She wasn’t going to back down, wasn’t going to let him off the hook. This was going to be painful, but necessary. “Being a crooked cop and a thief was your fault, Ray, no one else’s.”

He started to stand, but she grabbed his arm and held him down. “Just like it’s my fault I’m a whore.”

Ray turned to her. “At least you had a reason.”

Jenny shook her head. “My mom getting sick isn’t a reason. I could have done something different, but I chose not to. I chose to become a whore and fuck for money.” She felt the tears spill over and run down her cheeks. “I let any man who can afford it stick his dick in me, stick it anywhere he wants.”

“Shut up.” Ray had his eyes closed like he was in pain.

She went on. “Don’t sugarcoat it. You might be a crook and a thief, but at least you paid for what you did. Me, I’m still doing it, and I’m nothing but a-”

He spun toward her, grabbed her shoulders with both hands, and shook her. “Stop it!”

But she didn’t stop. “What you did was your fault. Just like what I did was my fault. But neither one of us ever has to make the same mistake again.” She took a deep breath. “I’m finished at the House. I’ll give up whatever I have to, this apartment, my car, everything, but I’m finished.”

He leaned over and hugged her. “Me, too.”

They were too early, so Tony told Joey to stop at Rickabono’s Cafe on Panola Street. Tony took his time. He ate a big breakfast, two jumbo waffles, a glass of juice, and three cups of coffee. At first Joey tried to ask questions, but Tony told him to shut up and eat.

The muscle head wasn’t happy about the menu-too much fat, too many carbohydrates, and not enough protein. Still, he managed to stuff down a pile of pancakes after drowning them in a pool of maple syrup deep enough to float a small boat in; then he stuffed down enough scrambled eggs to choke a horse.

After breakfast they headed downtown. Joey parked the car where Tony told him. The big man looked surprised as he looked at the building. “This is where the boss has his office?”

Tony nodded.

“You want me to come in with you?” Joey asked, sounding hopeful.

“Stay in the fucking car,” Tony said. “Don’t go anywhere, don’t talk to anybody.”

The muscle head nodded.

“Where’s your cell phone?” Tony asked.

“Huh?”

“Your cell phone, let me see it,” Tony demanded. He didn’t need Joey reporting in to Vinnie as soon as he was out of the car.

Joey pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Tony snatched it from his hand.

“Hey…”

Tony glared at him. “Hey, what?”

With a shrug, Joey said, “Nothing. You can borrow it if you need it.”

“Thanks,” Tony said, lacing the word with sarcasm.

Inside the faded blue building, Tony tried to breeze past Connie. .. Karen, whatever the fuck her name was, and go straight in to see the Old Man. But she stopped him. He didn’t have an appointment. The boss didn’t like surprise visitors. That’s why he had a secretary.

Tony sat in a small chair across the reception room from Connie or Karen, imaging her naked, bent over her desk. He got hard thinking about it. He had to wait fifteen minutes. Then she let him in to see the boss.

In the Old Man’s office, Tony dropped into the same chair he had sat in before. Carlos Messina looked impatient. “I’m surprised to see you here again.” Translation: this better be important.

“You mentioned you wanted me to keep an eye on things and let you know what was happening,” Tony said. More nervous than he thought he would be.

“That’s why I got a phone.”

Tony took a deep breath, hoping this wasn’t a gigantic mistake. “There’s something I thought I should tell you in person.”

Carlos Messina motioned with his fingers for Tony to hurry up.

“Ray Shane was the inside man. He set up the whole thing.”

The Old Man’s face didn’t change. It was his eyes. Suddenly they were different, radiating a coldness that made Tony shiver. “You sure about that?”

Tony licked his lips. His throat was dry. “I got it from a cop.”

“A cop told you Ray killed my nephew?”

Tony repeated what LaGrange had told him.

After Tony finished, Old Man Carlos was quiet for a while. Finally, he said, “This cop who gave you this, is he reliable? Do we know him?”

Tony nodded. Here in the man’s office it was time. Time for the big play. Either Tony was going to move up, or talk himself into a shallow grave. Maybe a dump job in the river, or worse, the swamp, become alligator food. “But Shane’s not smart enough to have done it on his own.”

Carlos Messina leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling. Tony wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard the man sigh. After a minute, the Old Man said, “What are you saying?”

“Shane had help.”

Mr. Messina leaned across his desk, propping himself up on his elbows and looking straight at Tony. His face looked like it had been carved from stone. “Say it,” he snapped.

Tony wished he had brought his gun. It would have made him feel better, but he had left it in the car. It was against the rules to bring a gun to meet the boss. That’s how bosses got assassinated. Tony swallowed hard, then said, “I think your brother helped him.”

The Old Man’s eyes blazed. “What did you say?”

Tony’s stomach flopped. “I think… I think Vinnie and Shane were in on it together.”

Mr. Messina peeled his elbows off the desk and leaned back in his chair. “You trying to tell me my brother killed his own son?”

Tony shook his head. “I think that part was an accident.” “My brother loved Pete. He doted on him. No way he would hurt him.”

“Someone got carried away.”

Messina dragged his hands down his face. When he spoke, his voice sounded almost sad. “Me and my brother, we haven’t ever been what you’d call close. I let him run the House, and I stay away.”

Carlos revealing some of the family secrets made Tony feel bold. The Old Man might let go of something Tony could use. “Why?” Tony asked.

“’Cause I really don’t like Vinnie. I loved that fucking goofball Pete, though. I loved him like he was my own son, but my brother, he’s always been a dumb fuck.”

Tony kept his face somber, but inside he was grinning. “There’s something else I probably should tell you.”

“What?” Carlos’s voice was like a pistol shot.

“Vinnie,” Tony said, feeling comfortable enough to use the out-of-favor brother’s first name, “told me to find Shane and get rid of him.”

Carlos pounded his fist on the desk, making Tony jump. “Everybody knows, including my dumb-fuck brother, nobody gets clipped unless I say so.”

Tony felt more confident as the gap between the brothers widened. “That’s why I felt I had to come see you.”

But Carlos wasn’t listening. “That stupid motherfucker…”

Tony had to get the boss’s focus back. “Mr. Messina, what do you want me to do?”

Messina snapped out of his reverie and looked at Tony. “Huh?” Then he nodded. “Yeah, you can do something for me. Help me straighten out this mess.”

Tony saw himself taking another step up the ladder. “Name it, it’s done.”

“You know where Shane is?”

The boss was delving into a tricky area. No way could Tony admit that he had his hands on Shane but had let him escape. Neither could he flat-out lie to the man. Not that lying bothered Tony. He just didn’t want to get caught doing it. Lying to the boss was a capital offense. “I can find him,” Tony said.

Carlos nodded. “When you find him, bring him to me. No, no, no.” He waved his hand. “Better yet, when you find him, stash him somewhere. Somewhere quiet. Then you call me and I’ll come to you.” He held up a cautionary finger in the air. “Don’t kill him. You understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I want to talk to him.”

That was the last thing Tony wanted, but he nodded anyway. “What about Vinnie?”

“What about him?”

“If I don’t hit Shane like he told me, he’s going to think something is strange.”

Carlos stared across the desk, his eyes ice-cold. “Don’t worry about my fucking brother. I’ll handle him.”

Jenny Porter woke up at 3:00 PM, lying on the sofa in Ray’s arms, her back spooned against his chest. She could tell he was still asleep by his rhythmic breath on the back of her neck.

They had sat on the sofa until nine o’clock, talking mostly about how they were going to change their lives. Not talking about doing anything together, just about changing their lives individually. They had also talked a little bit about the past, both their individual pasts, and about the past they shared. They had really only touched on that shared past. Jenny wanted to start over, not rehash all the mistakes they had made.

Talked out and way beyond tired, she wanted to sleep but didn’t want to be alone, didn’t want to break the connection between them. They had both eased down onto the sofa and laid their heads on the pillow. Jenny wasn’t sure who started it, but they ended up making love.

Scared at first, she was tentative, afraid that any second Ray would remember how she made a living and push her away. But as his passion grew, so had hers. Finally, she lost her fear and they had exhausted themselves. When it was over, and with their bodies still tangled up on the sofa, they had fallen asleep.

She had slept like a rock, but now that she was awake she had to pee. One of Ray’s arms was draped over her, so she lifted it as easily as she could, slipped off the sofa, and tiptoed into the bathroom. When she came out, she wore a robe with nothing underneath.

Ray was awake. “How long you been up?” he asked.

His tone and inflection were perfectly neutral, making it impossible for Jenny to tell what he was thinking. She didn’t know if he was happy about what had happened between them or pissed off. She said, “Just a few minutes, my bladder woke me up. How’d you sleep?”

He rubbed his eyes with both hands. “Great.”

“You still tired?” she asked. “You can use the bed.”

Naked, he stood up and stretched. “No, I’m fine. I’ve got to figure out what I’m going to do.”

“Hungry?”

He nodded, a grin on his face. “Starved.”

Feeling relief flooding into her, she said, “Me, too.”

“You should leave right now,” Jenny told Ray. Both of them had dressed and were sitting at the dinner table, eating cold-cut sandwiches and drinking chocolate milk.

Ray looked at her funny. “You want me to leave?”

Realizing the way it sounded, she said, “No, not my… not leave the apartment. You can stay here as long as you like. I’m talking about New Orleans. You have to leave. You’ve got too many ghosts here.”

He took the last bite of his sandwich, then said, “Where would I go?”

“I don’t know. When I lived in California, I loved it. You could go there.” She wanted to suggest that they go together, but wanted it to be his idea.

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“If you want to change your life, you’ve got to get out of this town.”

“I was out of town for almost five years.”

“And look what happened when you came back.” Her voice rose. “You started right back where you left off. It’s this town.” She slapped her palm hard against the table. “The Messina family, they suck you in and won’t let you out.” She realized that she was talking about herself. With or without Ray, she had to get away.

“I needed a job and they gave me one,” Ray said. “It’s not like I had any other offers.”

They were drifting into the past again. “You could have gotten a regular job, something that didn’t involve them.”

“I’m not involved with them, at least not the way I used to be. I throw guys out who had too much to drink or get too rough with the.. .”

“Whores,” Jenny said.

“Too rough with the girls.”

“You’ve got to leave, Ray, and not look back.”

He shook his head. “I can’t leave until I sort this out.”

“Why?”

“The Messinas have friends,” he said. “If they think I had something to do with what happened, especially with Pete getting killed, they’ll find me. It doesn’t matter where I go.”

“Then what are you going to do?”

He sat quietly for a minute, then said, “I need your help, Jen.”

She was afraid neither of them would ever get out of this town alive. “What do you need?”

“To stay here for a couple of days.”

She nodded.

“And I need to borrow your car.”

“All right.”

“Were you serious about what you said?” Ray asked.

“I said a lot. We both did, but I meant every word of it.”

“I’m talking about you not going back to the House.”

Jenny nodded. “I’m through with that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I’m getting out of New Orleans.”

“Where to?”

“Maybe back to California. The weather is perfect, and you should see the beaches.” She had only lived there for a year, but she loved it, working at a health club teaching aerobics classes to middle-aged women and swimming classes to kids. Jenny desperately wanted Ray to say, Yeah, California sounds nice. Maybe we should go together. But he didn’t say that. Instead, he said he needed to call Charlie Liuzza.

“Are you crazy?” Jenny said.

“He said to call him if I needed anything,” Ray said. “Well, I need something.”

“He’s a killer,” Jenny said. “If Tony or Vinnie or even Carlos himself really wants you dead, Charlie is the guy who’s going to get the order.”

Ray shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

Jenny didn’t believe Ray was thinking at all. “He’s with them, you’re not.”

“I talked to him a couple days ago. He’s all right.”

She got up and walked into the kitchen, carrying her plate and glass. She left his sitting on the table. “You’re not calling him from my phone.”

Ray stood up. He looked at his drowned cell phone sitting on the small bar that separated the kitchen from the dining nook. “I’ll use a pay phone.” Leaving his dishes behind, he walked toward the door.

Jenny looked at him. “Ray, don’t call him. Let’s just go, let’s leave right now.” She set her dishes down on the countertop. “I’ve got a credit card. Let’s get in the car and go.”

With his hand on the doorknob, Ray turned and looked at her. “Are you going to be here when I get back?”

She was scared, scared of the Messinas, scared for Ray, and scared of what Tony would do to her if he found out she had lied to him. From personal experience she knew how brutal he could be. But more than anything else, now that she had found Ray again, Jenny was scared of losing him.

He stared at her, waiting for her answer.

She nodded. “I’ll be here.”

Ray stepped out and pulled the door closed behind him.

Jenny started to cry.