How to Write Clearly

CONTINUOUS EXERCISES.

CLEARNESS.

The following exercises consist of extracts from Burnet, Butler, and Clarendon, modernized and altered with a view to remove obscurity and ambiguity. The modernized version will necessarily be inferior to the original in unity of style, and in some other respects. The charm of the author's individuality, and the pleasant ring of the old-fashioned English, are lost. It is highly necessary that the student should recognize this, and should bear in mind that the sole object is to show how the meaning in each case might have been more clearly expressed.

Occasionally expressions have been altered, not as being in themselves obscure or objectionable, but as indicating a habit of which beginners should beware. For example, in the extract from Burnet, he is often altered, not because, in the particular context, the pronoun presents any obscurity, but because Burnet's habit of repeating he is faulty.

These exercises can be used in two ways. The pupil may either have his book open and be questioned on the reasons for each alteration, or, after studying the two versions, he may have the original version dictated to him, and then he may reproduce the parallel version, or something like it, on paper.

LORD CLARENDON.

The principal faults in this style are, long heterogeneous sentences (43), use of phrases for words (47 a), ambiguous use of pronouns (5), excessive separation of words grammatically connected together (19).

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

(44) It will not be impertinent And now, in order to explain, as

nor unnatural to this (50) far as possible, how so prodigious

present discourse, to set down an alteration could take place in

in this place the present temper so short a time, and how the[19]

and constitution of both Houses royal power could fall so low as

of Parliament, and (34) of the to be unable to support itself,

court itself, (30) that (5) it its dignity, or its faithful

may be the less wondered at, that servants, it will be of use to set

so prodigious an alteration should down here, where it comes most

be made in so short a time, and naturally, some account of the[20]

(37) the crown fallen so low, that present temper and composition,

it could neither support itself not only of both Houses of

nor its own majesty, nor those Parliament, but also of the court

who would (47 a) appear itself.

faithful to it.

* * * * * * * * * *

(Here follows a description of the House of Lords.)

In the House of Commons were many In the House of Commons

persons of wisdom and gravity, who there were many men of wisdom

(7) being possessed of great and and judgment whose high

plentiful fortunes, though they position and great wealth disposed

were undevoted enough to the them, in spite of their indifference

court, (19) had all imaginable to the court, to feel

duty for the king, and affection a most loyal respect for the

to the government established(47 king, and a great affection for

a) by law or ancient custom; the ancient constitutional

(43) and without doubt, the major government of the country. Indeed,

part of that (54) body it cannot be doubted that

consisted of men who had no mind the majority had no intention to

to break the peace of the kingdom, break the peace of the kingdom

or to make any considerable or to make any considerable

alteration in the government of alteration in Church or State.

Church or State: (43) and Consequently, from the very

therefore (18) all inventions outset, it was necessary to resort

were set on foot from the (15) to every conceivable device

beginning to work upon (5) for the purpose of perverting

them, and (11) corrupt (5) this honest majority into rebellion.

them, (43) (45) by suggestions

"of the dangers (8) which With some, the appeal was

threatened all that was precious addressed to their patriotism.

to the subject (19) in their They were warned "of the

liberty and their property, by dangers that threatened [all

overthrowing (47 a) or that was precious in] the liberty

overmastering the law, and (47 and property of the subject,

a) subjecting it to an if the laws were to be made

arbitrary (47_a) power, and by subservient to despotism, and

countenancing Popery to the if Popery was to be encouraged

subversion of the Protestant to the subversion of the Protestant

religion," and then, by religion."

infusing terrible apprehensions

into some, and so working upon The fears of others were appealed

their fears, (6 b) "of (11 a) to. "There was danger," so[21] it

being called in question for was said, "that they might be

somewhat they had done," by which called to account for something

(5) they would stand in need of they had done, and they would then

(5) their protection; and (43) stand in need of the help of those

(45) raising the hopes of others, who were now giving them this

"that, by concurring (47 a) timely warning." In others, hopes

with (5) them (5) they were excited, and offices,

should be sure to obtain offices honours, and preferments were held

and honours and any kind of out as the reward of adhesion.

preferment." Though there were too Too many were led away by one or

many corrupted and misled by these other of these temptations, and

several temptations, and (19) indeed some needed no other

others (40 a) who needed no temptation than their innate

other temptations than from the fierceness and barbarity and the

fierceness and barbarity of malice they had contracted against

their (47 a) own natures, and the Church and the court. But the

the malice they had contracted leaders of the conspiracy were not

against the Church and against the many. The flock was large and

court; (43) yet the number was not submissive, but the shepherds were

great of those in whom the very few.

government of the rest (47 a)

was vested, nor were there many

who had the absolute authority

(13) to lead, though there were a

multitude (13) that was disposed

to follow.

(44) (30) Mr. Pym was looked upon Of these, Mr. Pym was thought

as the man of greatest experience superior to all the rest in

in parliaments, where he had parliamentary experience. To this

(50) served very long, and was advantage he added habits of

always (50) a man of business, business acquired from his

(7) being an officer in the continuous service in the

Exchequer, (43) and of a good Exchequer. He had also a good

reputation generally, (30) though reputation generally; for, though

known to be inclined to the known to be inclined to the

Puritan party; yet not of those Puritan party, yet he was not so

furious resolutions against the fanatically set against the Church

Church as the other leading men as the other leaders. In this

were, and (44) wholly devoted to respect he resembled the Earl of

the Earl of Bedford, who had Bedford, to whom he was

nothing of that spirit. thoroughly devoted.

(Here follow descriptions of Hampden and Saint John.)

It was generally believed that These three persons, with the

these three persons, with the three peers mentioned before, were

other three lords mentioned united in the closest confidence,

before, were of the most intimate and formed the mainspring of the

and entire trust with each other, party. Such at least was the

and made the engine which (47 general belief. But it was clear

a) moved all the rest; (30) that they also admitted to their

yet it was visible, that (15) unreserved confidence two others,

Nathaniel Fiennes, the second son (45) whom I will now

of the Lord Say, and Sir Harry describe,-Nathaniel Fiennes,

Vane, eldest son to the Secretary, second son of Lord Say, and Sir

and Treasurer of the House, were Harry Vane, eldest son of the

received by them with full Secretary, and Treasurer of the

confidence and without reserve. House.

The former, being a man of good Nathaniel Fiennes, a man of good

parts of learning, and after some parts, was educated at New

years spent in New College in College, Oxford, where[22] his

Oxford, (43) of which his father family claimed and enjoyed some

had been formerly fellow, (43) privileges in virtue of their

that family pretending[23] and kindred to the founder, and

enjoying many privileges there, as where[22] his father had formerly

of kin to the founder, (43) (19) been a fellow. He afterwards spent

had spent his time abroad in some time in Geneva and in the

Geneva and amongst the cantons of cantons of Switzerland, where[22]

Switzerland, (30) where he he increased that natural

improved his disinclination to the antipathy to the Church which he

Church, with which milk he had had imbibed almost with his

been nursed. From his travels he mother's milk.[24] By a singular

returned through Scotland (52) coincidence, he came home through

(which[24] few travellers took in Scotland (not a very common route

their way home) at the time when for returning travellers) just

(5) that rebellion was in bud: when the Scotch rebellion was in

(30) (43) (44) and was very little bud. For some time he was scarcely

known, except amongst (5) that known beyond the narrow and

people, which conversed (47 a) exclusive circle of his sect,

wholly amongst themselves, until until at last he appeared in

he was now (15) found in Parliament. Then, indeed, it was

Parliament, (30) (43) (44) when quickly discovered that he was

it was quickly discovered that, likely to fulfil even the fond

as he was the darling of his hopes of his father and the high

father, so (5) he was like to promise of many years.

make good whatsoever he had

for many years promised.

(5) The other, Sir H. Vane, was Fiennes' coadjutor, Sir H. Vane,

a man of great natural parts[25] was a man of great natural

(45) and of very profound ability.[25] Quick in understanding

dissimulation, of a quick and impenetrable in dissembling,

conception, and of very ready, he could also speak with

sharp, and weighty expression. He promptness, point, and weight. His

had an (50) unusual aspect, which, singular appearance, though it

though it might naturally proceed might naturally proceed from his

from his father and mother, parents, who were not noted for

neither of which were beautiful their beauty, yet impressed men

persons, yet (19) made men think with the belief that he had in him

there was somewhat in him of something extraordinary, an

extraordinary: and (52) his whole impression that was confirmed by

life made good that imagination. the whole of his life. His

Within a very short time after he behaviour at Oxford, where he

returned from his studies in studied at Magdalen College, was

Magdalen College in Oxford, where, not characterized, in spite of the

(43) though he was under the care supervision of a very worthy

of a very worthy tutor, he lived tutor, by a severe morality. Soon

not with great exactness, (43) he after leaving Oxford he spent some

spent some little time in France, little time in France, and more in

and more in Geneva, and, (43) Geneva. After returning to

after his return into England, England, he conceived an intense

(38) contracted a full prejudice hatred not only against the

and bitterness against the Church, government of the Church, which

both against the form of the was disliked by many, but also

government and the Liturgy, (43) against the Liturgy, which was

which was generally in great held in great and general

reverence, (15 a) even with reverence.

many of those who were not

friends to (5) the other. In Incurring or seeming to incur, by

his giddiness, which then much his giddiness, the displeasure of

displeased, or seemed to his father, who at that time,

displease, (30) (43) his father, beside strictly conforming to the

who still appeared highly Church himself, was very bitter

conformable, and exceedingly sharp against Nonconformists, the young

against those who were not, Vane left his home for New

(5) he transported himself into England.

New England, (43) a colony within

few years before planted by a This colony had been planted a few

mixture of all religions,[26] which years before by men of all sorts of

disposed the professors to dislike religions, and their

the government of the Church; who differences[26] disposed them to

(30) (43) (44) were qualified by dislike the government of the

the king's charter to choose their Church. Now, it happened that their

own government and governors, privilege (accorded by the king's

under the obligation, "that every charter) of choosing their own

man should take the oaths of government and governors was

allegiance and supremacy;" (30) subject to this obligation, "that

(43) (5) which all the first every man should take the oaths of

planters did, when they received allegiance and supremacy." These

their charter, before they oaths had been taken, not only by

transported themselves from hence, all the original planters, on

nor was there in many years after receiving their charter, before

the least scruple amongst them of leaving England, but also for many

complying with those obligations: years afterwards, without exciting

so far men were, in the infancy the slightest scruple. Indeed,

(15) of their schism, from scruples against lawful oaths were

refusing to take lawful oaths. unknown[27] in the infancy of the

(45) He was no sooner landed English schism. But with the

there, but his parts made him arrival of Vane all this was

quickly taken notice of, (26) and changed. No sooner had he landed

very probably his quality, being than his ability, and perhaps to

the eldest son of a some extent his position, as eldest

Privy-councillor, might give him son of a Privy-councillor,

some advantage; insomuch (51) recommended him to notice: and at

that, when the next season came the next election he was chosen

for the election of their Governor.

magistrates, he was chosen their

governor: (30) (45) (43) in which In his new post, his restless and

place he had so ill fortune (26) unquiet imagination found

(his working and unquiet fancy opportunity for creating and

raising and infusing a thousand diffusing a thousand conscientious

scruples of conscience, which (5) scruples that had not been brought

they had not brought over with over, or ever even heard of, by the

them, nor heard of before) (19) colonists. His government proved a

that he unsatisfied with failure: and, mutually

them and they with him, dissatisfied, (45) governed and

he retransported himself governor parted. Vane returned

into England; (30) (43) (44) to England, but not till he had

having sowed such seed of accomplished his mischievous task,

dissension there, as grew up too not till he had sown the seeds of

prosperously, and miserably those miserable dissensions which

divided the poor colony into afterwards grew only too

several factions, and divisions prosperously, till they split the

and persecutions of each (15 a) wretched colony into distinct,

other, (30) (43) which still hostile, and mutually persecuting

continue to the great (54) factions. His handiwork still

prejudice of that plantation: remains, and it is owing to (15)

insomuch as some of (5) them, him that some of the colonists,

upon the ground of their first on the pretext of liberty of

expedition, liberty of conscience, conscience, the original cause of

have withdrawn themselves from (5) their emigration, have withdrawn

their jurisdiction, and obtained themselves from the old colonial

other charters from the king, by jurisdiction and have obtained

which, (30) (43) in other forms of fresh charters from the king.

government, they have enlarged These men have established new

their plantations, within new forms of government, unduly

limits adjacent to (5) (15 a) enlarged their boundaries, and set

the other.their plantations, up rival settlements on the

within new limits adjacent to (5) borders of the original colony.

(15 a) the other.

FOOTNOTES:

[19] The original metaphor uses the crown as a prop, which seems a confusion. Though the metaphor is so common as scarcely to be regarded as a metaphor, it is better to avoid the appearance of confusion.

[20] We sometimes say, briefly but not perhaps idiomatically, "the then sovereign," "the then temper," &c.

[21] The personality of the tempters and organizers of the conspiracy is purposely kept in the background.

[22] The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.

[23] Claiming.

[24] An insinuation of sedition seems intended.

[25] This sentence is a preliminary summary of what follows.

[26] If "which" is used here according to Rule (8), the meaning is, (a) "and their differences;" if it is used for "that," the meaning will be, (b) "all religions that were of a nature to dispose &c." I believe (a) is the meaning; but I have found difference of opinion on the question.

[27] The following words appear to be emphatic, bringing out the difference between the infancy and the development of schism.

BURNET.

The principal faults in Burnet's style are (a) the use of heterogeneous sentences (see 43); (b) the want of suspense (see 30); (c) the ambiguous use of pronouns (see 5); (d) the omission of connecting adverbs and conjunctions, and an excessive use of and (see 44); and (e) an abruptness in passing from one topic to another (see 45). The correction of these faults necessarily lengthens the altered version.

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

And his maintaining the honour of He also gratified the English

the nation in all foreign feeling of self-respect by

countries gratified the (1) maintaining the honour of the

vanity which is very natural nation in all foreign countries.

(50) to Englishmen; (30) (43) of So jealous was he on this point

which he was so (15) (17 a) that, though he was not a crowned

careful that, though he was not head, he yet secured for his

a crowned head, yet his (40 a) ambassadors all the respect that

ambassadors had all the respects had been paid to the ambassadors

paid them which our (15) kings' of our kings. The king, he said,

ambassadors ever had: he said (6 received respect simply as the

b) the dignity of the crown nation's representative head,

was upon the account of the and, since the nation was the

nation, of which the king was same, the same respect should

(50) only the representative be paid to the[28] nation's

head; so, the nation being the ministers.

same, he would have the same

regards paid to (41) his

ministers.

Another[29] instance of (5) this The following instance of jealousy

pleased him much. Blake with the for the national honour pleased

fleet happened (50) to be at him much. When Blake was at Malaga

Malaga before he made war upon with his fleet, before his war

Spain: (44) and some of his with Spain, it happened that some

seamen went ashore, and met the of his sailors going ashore and

Host carried about; (44) and not meeting the procession of the

only paid no respect to it, but Host, not only paid no respect to

laughed at those who did; (43) it, but even laughed at those who

(30) (51) so one of the priests did. Incited by one of the priests

put the people upon resenting this to resent the indignity, the

indignity; and they fell upon people fell on the scoffers and

(5) them and beat them severely. beat them severely. On their

When they returned to their ship return to the ship the seamen

(5) they complained of (5) complained of this ill-usage,

this usage; and upon that Blake whereupon Blake sent a messenger

sent a trumpet to the viceroy to to the viceroy to demand the

demand the priest who was the priest who was the instigator of

chief (1) instrument in that the outrage. The viceroy answered

ill-usage. The viceroy answered that he could not touch him, as he

he had no authority over the had no authority over the priests.

(15) priests, and so could not To this Blake replied, that he did

dispose of him. Blake upon that not intend to inquire to whom the

sent him word that he would not authority belonged, but, if the

inquire who had the (1) power to priest were not sent within three

send the priest to him, but if hours, he would burn the town. The

he were not sent within three townspeople being in no condition

hours, he would burn their town; to resist, the priest was at once

(43) and (5) they, being in no sent. On his arrival, he defended

condition to resist him, sent himself, alleging the insolence of

the priest to him, (43) (44) who the sailors. But the English (50)

justified himself upon the Admiral replied that a complaint

petulant behaviour of the seamen. should have been forwarded to him,

and then he would have punished

(44) Blake answered that, if (5) them severely, for none of his

he had sent a complaint to (5) sailors should be allowed to

him of(5) it, (5) he would affront the established religion

have punished them severely, since of any place where they touched.

(5) he would not suffer his "But," he added, "I take it ill

men to affront the established that you should set on your

religion of any place at which (5) countrymen to do my work; for I

he touched; but (5) (6) he will have all the world know that

took it ill, that he set on the an Englishman is only to be

Spaniards to do (5) it; for he punished, by an Englishman." Then,

would have all the world to know satisfied with having had the (50)

that an Englishman was only to be offender at his mercy, Blake

punished by an Englishman; (43) entertained him civilly and sent

(44) and so he treated the priest him back.

civilly, and sent him back (30),

being satisfied that he had him at

his mercy.

Cromwell was much delighted with Cromwell was much delighted with

(5) this, (43) and read the Blake's conduct. Reading the

letters in council with great letters in council with great

satisfaction; and said he (6) satisfaction, he said, "I hope I

hoped he should make the name of shall make the name of an

an Englishman as great as ever Englishman as much respected as

that of a Roman (15 a) had ever was the name of Roman."

been. (44) The States of Holland Among other countries the States

were in such dread of (5) him that of Holland were in such dread of

they took care to give him no sort Cromwell that they took care to

of umbrage; (43) (44) and when give him no sort of umbrage.

at any time the king or his Accordingly, whenever the king or

brothers came to see their sister his brothers came to see the

the Princess Royal, (23) within a Princess Royal their sister, they

day or two after, (5) they used were always warned in a day or two

to send a deputation to let them by a deputation that Cromwell had

know that Cromwell had required of required of the States to give

the States that (5) they should them no harbourage.

give them no harbour.

* * * * * * * * * *

Cromwell's favourite alliance was The free kingdom of Sweden was

Sweden.[30] (44) Carolus Gustavus Cromwell's favourite ally; not

and he lived in great conjunction only under Charles Gustavus, with

of counsels. (44) Even Algernon whom he was on most confidential

Sydney, (10 a) who was not terms, but also under Christina.

inclined to think or speak well of Both these sovereigns had just

kings, commended him (5) to me; notions of public liberty; at

and said he (5) had just least, Algernon Sydney, a man

notions of public liberty; (44) certainly not prejudiced in favour

(43) and added, that Queen of royalty, assured me this was

Christina seemed to have them true of Gustavus. He also held the

likewise. But (44) she was same opinion of Queen Christina;

much changed from that, when but, if so, she was much changed

I waited on her at Rome; for when I waited on her at Rome; for

she complained of us as a factious she then complained of the factious

nation, that did not readily and unruly spirit of our nation.

comply with the commands (47 a)

of our princes. (44) All Italy All Italy, no less than

trembled at the name of Cromwell, Holland,[31] trembled at the name

and seemed under a (1) panic as of Cromwell, and dreaded him till

long as he lived; (43) his fleet he died. Nor durst the Turks

scoured the Mediterranean; and the offend the great (50) Protector

Turks durst not offend him; but whose fleet scoured the

delivered up Hyde, who kept up the Mediterranean; and they even gave

character of an ambassador from up Hyde, who, for keeping up in

the king there (23) (43), and was Turkey the character of ambassador

brought over and executed for (5) from the king, was brought to

it. England and executed.

(44) (11 a) The putting the In another instance of severity

brother of the king of Portugal's towards foreigners-the execution

ambassador to death for murder, of the brother of the Portuguese

was (11 a) carrying justice ambassador for murder-Cromwell

very far; (43) since, though in carried justice very far. For,

the strictness of the law of though in strictness the law of

nations, it is only the nations exempts from foreign

ambassador's own person that is jurisdiction the ambassador alone,

exempted from (4) any authority yet in practice the exemption has

(47 a) but his master's that extended to the whole of the

sends him, yet the practice has ambassador's suite.

gone in favour of all that the

ambassador owned (47 a) to Successful abroad, Cromwell was no

belong to him. (41) (44) Cromwell less successful at home in

showed his good (11) selecting able and worthy men for

understanding in nothing more public duties, especially for the

than in seeking[32] out capable courts of law. In nothing did he

and worthy men for all employments, show more clearly his great

but most particularly for the natural insight, and nothing

courts of law, (43) (30 a) contributed more to his popularity.

(10 a) which gave a general

satisfaction.

FOOTNOTES:

[28] The meaning is "his, and therefore the nation's, ministers." There is a kind of antithesis between "the nation" and "the nation's ministers."

[29] No instance has yet been mentioned.

[30] The thought that is implied, and should be expressed, by the words, is this: "Cromwell's favourite ally was a free country."

[31] The remarks about Christina are a digression, and Burnet is now returning to the respect in which Cromwell was held by foreign nations.

[32] He not only sought, but sought successfully. That "find" is not necessarily implied by "seek out" seems proved by the use of the word in the Authorized Version, 2 Tim. ii. 17: "He sought me out very diligently, and found me."

BISHOP BUTLER.

The principal faults in this style are (a) a vague use of pronouns (5), and sometimes (b) the use of a phrase, where a word would be enough (47 a).

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

Some persons, (15) upon Some persons avowedly reject all

pretence[33] of the sufficiency of revelation as[34]essentially

the light of Nature, avowedly incredible and necessarily

reject all revelation as, in its fictitious, on the ground that the

(47 a) very notion, light of Nature is in itself

incredible, and what (47 a) sufficient. And assuredly, had the

must be fictitious. And indeed light of Nature been sufficient in

(32) it is certain that no such a sense as to render

revelation would have been given, revelation needless or useless, no

(32) had the light of Nature been revelation would ever have been

sufficient in such a sense as to given. But let any man consider

render (5) one not[35] wanting, the spiritual darkness that once

or useless. But no (15 b) man in (41) prevailed in the heathen

seriousness and simplicity can world before revelation, and that

possibly think it (5) so, who (41) still prevails in those

considers the state of religion in regions that have not yet received

the heathen world before the light of revealed truth; above

revelation, and its (5) present all, let him mark not merely the

state in those (11) places (8) natural inattention and ignorance

which have borrowed no light of the masses, but also the

from (5) it; particularly (19) the doubtful language held even by a

doubtfulness of some of the (12) Socrates on even so vital a

greatest men concerning things of subject as[36] the immortality of

the utmost (11) importance, as the soul; and then can he in

well as the (15 a) natural seriousness and sincerity maintain

inattention and ignorance of that the light of Nature is

mankind in general. It is (34) sufficient?

impossible to say (12) who would

have been able to have reasoned It is of course impossible to deny

out that whole system which we that some second[36] Aristotle

call natural religion, (30) in its might have reasoned out, in its

genuine simplicity, clear of genuine simplicity and without

superstition; but there is a touch of superstition, the

certainly no ground to affirm whole of that system which we

that the generality could. call natural religion. But there

(44) If they could, there is is certainly no ground for

no sort of probability that affirming that this complicated

they would. (44) Admitting there process would have been possible

were, they would highly want a for ordinary men. Even if they had

standing admonition to remind them had the power, there is no

of (5) it, and inculcate it upon probability that they would have

them. And further still, were (5) had the inclination; and, even if

they as much disposed (47 a) we admit the probable inclination,

to attend to religion as the they would still need some

better sort of men (15 a) are; standing admonition, whereby

yet, even upon this supposition, natural religion might be

there would be various occasions suggested and inculcated. Still

for supernatural instruction and further, even if we suppose these

assistance, and the greatest ordinary men to be as attentive to

advantages (50) might be religion as men of a better sort,

afforded (15 a) by (5) yet even then there would be

them. So that, to say revelation various occasions when

is a thing superfluous, what supernatural instruction and

there (47 a) was no need of, assistance might be most

and what can be of (47 a) no beneficially bestowed.

service, is, I think, to talk

wildly and at random. Nor would it Therefore, to call revelation

be more extravagant to affirm that superfluous, needless, and

(40 a) mankind is so entirely useless, is, in my opinion, to

(40 a) at ease in the present talk wildly and at random. A man

state, and (40 a) life so might as reasonably assert that we

completely (40 a) happy, that are so entirely at ease and so

(5) it is a contradiction to completely happy in this present

suppose (40 a) our condition life that our condition cannot

capable of being in any respect without contradiction be supposed

(47 a) better.-(Analogy of capable of being in any way

Religion, part ii. chap. 1.) improved.

FOOTNOTES:

[33] "To pretend" once meant "to put forward," "maintain."

[34] It has been suggested, however, that by "in its very notion incredible," is meant "inconceivable."

[35] "Wanting" is used for modern "wanted."

[36] This use of the particular for the general would be out of place in Butler's style, but it adds clearness.

BREVITY.

SIR ARCHIBALD ALISON.

The following extract exhibits examples of tautology and lengthiness. The "implied statement" (50) can often be used as a remedy, but, more often, the best remedy is omission.

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

The Russian empire is (50) a Russia, with her vast strength and

state of (54) such vast boundless resources, is obviously

strength and boundless destined to exercise on the course

resources, that it is of history a great and lasting

obviously destined to make a influence. The slowness of her

great and lasting impression on progress only renders her

human affairs. Its (50) progress durability more probable. The

has been slow, but (5) it[37] is Russian Empire has not, like the

only on that account the more empires of Alexander the Great and

likely to be durable. (5) It has Napoleon, been raised to sudden

not suddenly risen to greatness, greatness by the genius of

like the empire of Alexander in individuals or the accidents of

ancient (19) (31), or that of fortune, but has been slowly

Napoleon in modern, times, from enlarged and firmly consolidated

the force of individual genius, or by well-guided ambition and

the accidents of (54) casual persevering energy,[38] during a

fortune, but has slowly advanced, long succession of ages.

and (40 a) been firmly

consolidated (15) during a

succession of ages, from the

combined influence of ambition

skilfully directed and energy (15

a) perseveringly applied.

* * * * * * * * * *

The extent and fertility of the The extent and fertility of her

Russian territory are such (54) territory furnish unparalleled

as to furnish facilities of facilities for the increase of her

increase and elements of strength population and power. European

which no nation (47 a) in the Russia, that is, Russia to the

world enjoys. European west of the Ural Mountains,

Russia-that is, Russia to the contains one million two hundred

westward of the Ural thousand square geographical

Mountains-contains a hundred and miles, or ten times the surface of

fifty thousand four hundred square Great Britain and Ireland.

marine leagues, or about one

million two hundred thousand

square geographical miles, being

ten times the surface of the

British Islands, which contain,

including Ireland, one hundred and

twenty-two thousand. Great part, This vast territory is intersected

no doubt, of this immense (54, by no mountain ranges, no arid

see below) territory is covered deserts; and though much of it is

with forests, or (40 a) lies rendered almost unproductive of

so far to the north as to be food either by the denseness of

almost unproductive of food; but forests, or by the severity of the

no ranges of mountains or arid northern winter, yet almost all,

deserts intersect the vast (54, except that part which touches

see above) extent, and almost the Arctic snows, is capable of

the whole, excepting that which yielding something for the use

touches the Arctic snows, is of man.

capable of yielding something for

the use of man. The (3) (54) The steppes of the south present

boundless steppes of the south an inexhaustible pasturage to

present (54) inexhaustible those nomad tribes whose numerous

fields of pasturage, and give and incomparable horsemen form the

birth to those nomad tribes, in chief defence of the empire.

whose numerous and incomparable

horsemen the chief defence of the

empire,[39] as of all Oriental

states, (15 a) is to be found.

The rich arable lands in the heart The rich arable lands in the

of the (54) empire produce an interior produce grain enough to

(2) incalculable quantity of support four times the present

grain, capable not only of population of the empire, and yet

maintaining four times (5) its leave a vast surplus to be

present inhabitants, but affording transported by the Dnieper, the

a vast surplus for exportation by Volga, and their tributaries, into

the Dnieper, the Volga, and their the Euxine or other seas.

tributary streams, (30) which

form so many (54) natural

outlets into the Euxine or other

seas; (44) while the cold and Lastly, the cold bleak plains

shivering plains which stretch stretching towards Archangel and

towards Archangel and the shores towards the shores of the White

of the White Sea are (48) covered Sea, and covered with immense

with immense forests of fir and forests of oak and fir, furnish

oak, furnishing at once (54)[40] materials for shipbuilding and

inexhaustible materials for supplies of fuel that will for

shipbuilding and supplies of fuel. many generations supersede the

(54) These ample stores for many necessity of searching for coal.

generations will supersede the

necessity of searching in the (14

a) bowels of the earth for

the purposes of (54) warmth or

manufacture.

Formidable as the power of Russia Much as we may dread Russia for

is from the vast extent of its the vastness of her territory and

territory, and the great and of her rapidly increasing numbers,

rapidly increasing number of there is greater cause for fear

its (54) subjects, (5) it is in the military spirit and the

still more (5) so from the docility of her people.

military spirit and docile

disposition by which they are

(54)[41] distinguished. The

prevailing (54) passion of the A burning thirst for conquest is

nation is the (54) love of as prevalent a passion in Russia

conquest, and this (54) ardent as democratic ambition in the free

(54) desire, which (54) burns states of Western Europe. This

as (54) fiercely in them as passion is the unseen spring[2]

democratic ambition does in the which, while it retains the

free states of Western Europe, is Russians in the strictest

the unseen spring[42] which both discipline, unceasingly impels

retains them submissive (54) their united forces against all

under the standard of their adjoining states.

chief and impels their

accumulated forces in ceaseless The national energy, which is as

violence over all the adjoining great as the national territory,

states. The energies of the rarely wastes itself in disputes

people, great as[43] the territory about domestic grievances. For all

they inhabit, are rarely wasted in internal evils, how great soever,

internal disputes. Domestic the Russians hope to find a

grievances, how great soever, are compensation, and more than a

(54) overlooked in the thirst for compensation, in the conquest of

foreign aggrandizement. (15) In the world.

the conquest of the world the

people hope to find a

compensation, and more than a

compensation, (15 a) for all

the evils of their interior

administration.

FOOTNOTES:

[37] Apparently "it" means, not "progress," but the "Russian empire."

[38] Not "energy," but "a long succession of ages," needs to be emphasized.

[39] There is nothing in the context that requires the words, "as of all Oriental states."

[40] If they were really "inexhaustible," the "necessity of searching in the bowels of the earth" would be "superseded," not for "many," but for all generations.

[41] The words can be implied, and besides they are expressed in the following sentence.

[42] The metaphor is questionable; for a "spring," qua "spring," does not retain at all; and besides, "a passion" ought not to "burn" in one line, and be a "spring" in the next.

[43] The meaning appears not to be, "great as" (is), i.e. "though the territory is great."

THE END.