I Can See in the Dark

Chapter 26

I was remanded in custody by the court for four weeks. When the time was up, it was extended by another four weeks. De Reuter had prepared me, and I didn’t let myself get worn down, I was ready to fight. I had a series of interviews with Randers, repeatedly declaring my innocence, and constantly reassuring him of my first-class qualities as a carer. But he continued to remain cocksure that I’d committed the murder. This worried me, because I couldn’t understand what it was based on. I clung to de Reuter, which was distasteful to me, since he who stands alone is strongest, well, that’s my theory. But he was my only hope in this difficult situation. And I felt he believed in my innocence, even though he claimed that it wasn’t exactly that he was interested in. He was simply working on damage limitation, as he put it. Nelly Friis was dead. Someone had to pay, but not more than necessary, that was his thinking. He had little time for revenge. And in his view that was the sole concern of our legal system. Society took revenge on behalf of the injured party. As if that could achieve anything, apart from ruining another human life.

It would be wrong to say that I and my lawyer became close. I’d heard of that sort of thing happening, but it didn’t happen in our case, I’m fairly stand-offish. But I was quite talkative during my interviews with Randers. Time and again I tried to explain that the others had gone behind my back. No one had breathed a word that there was anything unusual about Nelly’s death. She was collected by the undertaker and driven away, and we got on with our work. A new patient was being admitted because we had an empty bed. Randers often wanted to talk about my previous job at another nursing home, where I’d been employed for more than six years. There, too, they’d ganged up against me in a most unpleasant way. Until finally I’d decided to leave of my own free will. I’d like to point out that I’m not the argumentative type. I got on well with Janson. I never caused trouble in my cell, and I followed all the rules to the letter. As de Reuter had recommended.

Don’t be a difficult prisoner.

It never pays in the long run.

I’d habituated myself to the small space, the view from the window and the hard bed. The prison food was excellent. So good, that I had to ask Janson who worked in the kitchen.

‘Margareth makes the food,’ he told me. ‘And she has an assistant to help her. Oh yes, she’s a dab hand at the cooking. We’re glad she’s here, because we pinch a bit of grub ourselves, the staff here do, I won’t deny it. You mustn’t let on if there’s an inspection, because it’s against the rules. How’s things apart from that? Are you managing to get through the nights OK?’

I mentioned the moaning from the adjoining cell, but he only gave me a blank look.

‘No moaning persons in here,’ he said. ‘You must’ve dreamt it.’

I mentioned the ventilator on the wall just below the ceiling, and that at times a foul smell had seeped into the cell while I was sleeping. He glanced up at the wall, then shook his great head.

‘The only thing that comes in through that ventilator is fresh air,’ he maintained, and stared sympathetically at me because that was the sort of man he was.

‘I’ll tell you something,’ he said. ‘Many of the people who’ve been here a long time have problems when they finally leave. The world is too large, things happen too quickly, the noise is unbearable, the crowds in the streets are overwhelming. One of our charges finally got prison leave after serving four years. He hadn’t been in town half an hour before he collapsed.’