If I Should Die

TWENTY-SIX

Lucy sat in the co-pilot seat of Sean’s private Cessna while he performed a fuel and systems check. They’d left Spruce Lake at dawn, but now the sun was warming the air and the sky was clear and blue. A perfect day for flying. She sipped her coffee and watched Sean. He looked tired, and she knew he was still in pain from the stitches.

“Are you sure these extreme measures are necessary?” Lucy asked.

Because of the latest threatening note, Sean had altered their plans. Last night, he had asked Noah to fly with Patrick to Ogdenburg, and then fly Lucy to Albany in Sean’s plane.

“Yes, I am,” he said.

“It’s not easy to sabotage a plane, especially with the security-”

“But it’s not impossible,” Sean said. “I can take you to nearly any airport in the country and in ten minutes show you how I could breach security.”

“That’s your job, Sean-you get paid to breach security.”

He gave her a half-smile. “I am good, aren’t I? But I’m not so arrogant as to think I’m the only person in the country who knows how to exploit security weaknesses. There are at least three or four of us.”

At least his sense humor was back. Last night had taken a lot out of Sean. He was worried about the teenager Ricky Swain, and alternately angry with and worried about Henry and Emily Callahan.

He took her hand. “Seriously, Lucy, they know you’re flying out today. I don’t know how, but they do. I have to mix things up. They could be waiting at this airport, in Albany, or be on the same plane. We don’t know all the players, nor do we know what the stakes are. But if they were willing to kill a federal agent to protect their secrets, they will kill you.”

“And you,” she reminded him. “I’m worried about you. Like you said, they’ll kill to keep their secrets.”

He kissed her lightly. Unlike the peck last night, this kiss, though light, was filled with restrained emotion. His hands squeezed hers and he looked her in the eyes, holding her gaze with his. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

A weight lifted off her heart. Even though she still didn’t understand everything that had happened yesterday between them when he clammed up and told her it was best she get out of town, she now understood it wasn’t because he thought she was incapable.

She kissed him again. “Me, too. We’re going to work this out.” Lucy vowed to try to understand Sean’s experience with authority, and not take his animosity personally.

“This is just hard for me.”

“Me being a Fed?”

He shook his head. “Calling Noah for help,” he said, his gaze focused on the horizon.

Now Lucy was even more confused. “Because he’s FBI?”

“No.” He looked perplexed. “For a Fed, he’s not the worst out there.”

“From you, that’s a compliment.”

“Don’t you see it?”

“See what?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Don’t do that to me, Sean. You always tell me to spit it out. Or you just tell me what I’m thinking. Well, I’m not as good at reading your mind as apparently you are at reading mine, so I don’t understand.”

He tilted his head in disbelief. Well, if he wasn’t clear, how could she understand what he meant? She wasn’t psychic!

“Patrick would much rather have you dating someone like Noah than someone like me.”

She laughed; she just couldn’t help herself. That was the last thing she’d expected Sean to say. Date Noah?

He wasn’t laughing with her, and though she was still smiling, she suddenly realized there was more to this than Sean was letting on.

“First, I doubt you’re right about Patrick,” she said. “My brother would probably prefer I date no one. But that doesn’t matter, because what Patrick might or might not want is irrelevant.”

“No, it’s not.”

“You think I make my decisions based on what other people tell me I should do? I’m perfectly capable of making my own choices in life.”

“Patrick is different. Maybe you don’t see it-”

“There’s nothing to see!”

What was Sean keeping bottled up inside? She didn’t understand, and she hated feeling that she was missing something. It made her apprehensive. “Let’s not be mad at each other before I go to Albany.”

He reached behind her neck and pulled her across the small space separating the pilot and co-pilot’s seats. His heat-filled embrace sent her pulse racing. His hand went to her waist, under her sweater, pushing at the small of her back, holding her as close as he possibly could without bringing her into his lap. His mouth became aggressive, as if wanting to imprint the kiss on her, to kiss her so thoroughly that she wouldn’t be able to forget. Lucy held him tight, shivers of desire running through her, a need to keep Sean close.

He turned her head and kissed her jawline, all the way to her ear. A faint moan escaped her chest and he put his hands on her face, his forehead pressed against hers. “I’m not mad at you, Lucy. I was never mad. I love you.”

“I-” Her chest tightened. Tell him! Tell him you love him. “I’m not mad, either.” Her voice cracked.

His phone rang. Before he answered, she saw disappointment in his eyes.

He let her go. “It’s Patrick.”

Sean walked Noah through the mechanics of his Cessna, shared some of its quirks, and closed with, “Any questions?”

“I was an Air Force pilot for ten years; I think I can fly a little Cessna.”

“She’s not a fighter plane,” Sean said.

“I’ll take good care of her.”

Sean didn’t miss that Noah glanced at Lucy, who’d watched the flight “lesson” with a bemused expression on her face.

“When are you returning?”

“Tonight,” Noah said. “Considering what’s been happening, you need all the help you can get.” He handed Sean a file folder. “Here’s everything you need to get in to see Paul Swain.”

Though Swain was in a state penitentiary, Noah had contacted the FBI liaison and smoothed the way for Sean.

“I appreciate it,” he said. It wasn’t the first time Noah had pulled strings for him, and he didn’t particularly like feeling indebted to him.

Sean took Lucy’s hand. “Be careful, Luce.” He pulled her into a hug. She stiffened, just a bit, but he didn’t let her go. She’d never been comfortable with public displays of affection, and usually he respected her feelings, but this time he wasn’t pulling back. He kissed her long enough to make sure Noah Armstrong understood that Lucy was off-limits.

When he stepped back, she touched his cheek softly and said, “You be careful, Sean Rogan. I’ll be surrounded by FBI agents in a military-controlled building. You’re marching back to the lion’s den.”

“I’ll watch his back,” Patrick called from where he stood leaning against the hood of the rental truck.

“Take care of each other,” Lucy said. “I expect you both to be in one piece when we get back tonight.”

Sean watched as Noah and Lucy climbed into his plane and Noah started the preflight check. He gave Sean a thumbs-up when he got clearance from air traffic control, and drove the plane toward the small-craft runway.

Sean leaned against the truck next to Patrick, watching until the Cessna disappeared in the sky. Patrick said, “You’re jealous.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

Patrick laughed. Sean didn’t. He strode to the driver’s door and pulled it open, slamming it behind him. Patrick followed. “I’ll admit, I like it.”

“I thought you were my friend.” Sean turned the ignition and drove too quickly from the field.

“I am. But in the three years I’ve known you, and all the women you dated before Lucy, not once did I see you jealous.”

“I’m not jealous of Noah Armstrong.”

But dammit, Patrick was right. He was jealous.

“It’s a good thing.”

“You’re sick. Besides, I thought you wanted Lucy to dump me for someone like that Fed.”

“I did.”

“Asshole.”

Patrick laughed. “You don’t listen. When you called me last night and asked me to bring Noah here this morning to fly your plane to Albany with Lucy, I realized that maybe you have changed. It’s been obvious for months that you don’t like Noah, and I think it has less to do with the fact that he’s a Fed and more to do with the fact that he’s Lucy’s friend. To call him for help shows a rare humility, but more important, tells me that you would do anything to protect my sister, even ask for help from the man you’re afraid is your rival.”

“Well,” Sean said. “I don’t think I’ve heard you talk so much bullshit at one time. Rival? Hardly. That would mean Lucy is undecided, and she’s not.”

“I know. She loves you.”

Just because Patrick said it so matter-of-factly didn’t make Sean feel better. Because she’d never told him, and in fact he did consider Noah a rival. Because whether Patrick, or Lucy, or even Noah knew it, Noah was attracted to her. That Lucy liked and respected Noah contributed to it. And that was bad for all of them, no matter how Sean looked at it.

But if there was any silver lining to this epiphany of Patrick’s, it was that he had finally dropped his opposition to Sean dating his sister.