In Arcadia

Chapter Eighteen

Two calmly self-assured Sight Sight talents had been replaced by girls, one glowering at Laura, aggrieved, and the other entirely dismayed.

"She’s overstating," Allidi assured Laura, her own face pinched and anxious. "Dzo has—it’s the wrong way to put it."

"I—" Laura began, feeling very off-balance. Then she stopped, putting aside her reaction because Allidi looked like she was about to be ill. "Well, this is very confusing, but I gather you’re talking about something your own Sights have told you, Haelin? In which case, I suspect you owe your father an apology for telling me things private to him."

"I haven’t, really," Haelin protested, but she’d lost her head of steam, and any hint of her usual confidence.

For a moment Laura became very worried indeed, but neither of the girls gave a sense of being afraid of their father’s reaction. Instead they were behaving as if they’d knocked down some treasured family ornament, and were counting the pieces. Or, more to the point, they were worried they might have cost their father his romance.

Years and years?

"Go explain to Dzo," Allidi said, with a mix of stern command and unhappiness, and when Haelin reluctantly obeyed the older girl turned back to Laura, gathering some semblance of her usual poise to add: "I apologise for her, Tsa Devlin."

The exchange had given Laura a chance to try to put her thoughts into order, and while she couldn’t quite put aside a queasy roil of uncertainty, she had no intention of taking that out on this girl.

"I’d like it if you and your sister called me Laura," she said, firmly. "And, Allidi, I’m not someone who—" She hesitated, struggling to translate goes off half-cocked into Muinan, and settled for: "I’m not someone who often leaps before looking. Your father and I seem to be overdue for a conversation, but the simplest thing to do is to have that conversation." She smiled ruefully. "From my point of view, things have been quite fast, not slow at all. I don’t quite see why your sister finds that upsetting."

"It’s because…you see, it’s getting close to the snow season," Allidi haltingly explained, her cheeks flushed. "Haelin wanted to be living…in time for…"

"Winter?"

"The snow fight," Allidi said, with poorly stifled embarrassment.

Laura blinked, then tried not to look too amused. It had become a yearly tradition for Cass and the senior Setari squads to have a friends-and-family snowball fight. Like most semi-public things about Cass, it was widely reported on and imitated, and Laura could quite see how Allidi and Haelin could have built hopes of attending.

"I’ve been looking forward to that too. Whatever else happens, I’d be glad to have you two on my team." Laura laughed. "I suspect it would give me a distinct advantage."

Allidi did not stop looking upset, but she summoned a smile. "Thank you, Tsa Dev…thank you, Laura."

This was not how Laura had planned to get to know Gidds' daughters, but perhaps it was for the best.

"I begin to understand why there’s so much emphasis placed on Sights talent etiquette. It must be quite a challenge to grow up in a family where you can’t ever be fully private."

"Sights talents who aren’t family are harder," Allidi said, and then looked relieved. Gidds had arrived.

He walked a step behind Haelin, as self-contained and unhurried and intense as the first time she’d seen him, come to interview her on behalf of the Triplanetary. Could he really have arrived at that first meeting with an agenda?

"I’m sorry, Tsa Devlin," Haelin said, very subdued. "I was impolite."

"I’ll forgive you if you call me Laura," Laura said.

Haelin promptly agreed, but neither she nor Allidi looked entirely reassured. They might not have Place Sight, but evidently Sight Sight—or simple body language—told them that careless words were easier to forgive than forget.

As the two girls departed, Laura studied Gidds' face. Perhaps the tiniest hint of strain, but nothing more. Not that she’d expected that. Where, she wondered, did courtship slipups rank on the list of problems he’d had to deal with that week?

"We haven’t exactly had a lot of serious discussions," she said, deciding she wanted to tackle this head-on. "I’m willing to bet that I’m hung about with a few don’t go there signs, just like my workroom. But I —" She paused, then said carefully: "Haelin wasn’t very clear, but I took the impression that you saw me years ago—I guess it must have been on the log of Cass' visit home on her birthday—and your Sights told you I was the one for you. Or something."

Gidds sat down on the rock his daughters had used, and arranged his hands on his knees, meeting her eyes directly.

"Not quite accurate," he said, in that perfectly controlled voice. "When I watched that log, I saw a woman face an improbable vision of hope fulfilled, and accept that it was true. Not truly remarkable. But when you had been told your daughter could not return to you, that was a struggle for you, and then you said, very simply: Live well. That is what triggered my Sight. You in some manner pictured her doing that—a thousand possibilities in an instant. It left me breathless, wanting to know, to understand…not necessarily what you had been thinking, but you. One of the most powerful Sight Sight reactions I’ve ever experienced. There was attraction there, but in large part a Sight Sight talent’s overwhelming need to understand."

"Which itched for years?"

A sketch of a nod. "It helped that your daughter a number of time created projections of you, and that my role required me to review them. I did so thoroughly."

Laura, remembering how Cass had rewatched her own logs in order to ogle Kaoren, almost managed a smile.

Gidds' expression shifted faintly, no doubt in response to her flicker of amusement, but he went on steadily. "The second year was hardest. When arrangements were underway to bring you here, and meeting you became a real possibility. Sight Sight reactions can be very draining when they are stymied. I was there the day you arrived, but your attention was completely taken up by your family, and I had arranged assignments on Tare and Kolar for the first month, so that I could not be tempted to…hover."

Sensible of him to avoid creepy stalker territory. But still–

"And then you had yourself assigned to do the Evaluation Report on contact with Earth?"

"I was simply the logical person to do that. While it was convenient, it also presented an ethical problem, especially when, after my second arrival at your house, I began to think in terms of being in love with you."

"When I was attractively vomited upon?"

"When you turned dismay into laughter, and returned damp from your shower with that rather thin dress clinging to every curve. And then we simply sat and talked, and it was the same as that first time I saw you. You listened to me, so grave and polite, and sparking with inner fires. It’s very…stimulating."

His right hand lifted an inch or so off his knee, but then he dropped it back, and for a moment she could see tension there, before he deliberately relaxed his hands, straightening.

"My Sights didn’t tell me to marry you, Laura. I do want that. Marriage, children. Waking up with you. But I already have the thing that is most important to me: spending time with you."

"Children?" she said, startled.

"You don’t wish to see what you and I combined could be? I do. But most of all I want to continue to be with you, in whatever way you will allow. What is not clear to me is why knowing I was powerfully attracted before we formally met has dealt you such a blow."

Laura knew she needed to answer this question, but really didn’t want to. "I suppose most people would think it romantic," she said, granting herself a brief postponement. "To make such a strong first impression."

Gidds shook his head. "Sight talents are often seen as too invasive. And Sight Sight pushes." He took a slow, deliberate breath. "I cannot be anything but a Sight talent, Laura, or change that my Sights played some role in my desire for you."

There was a pulse leaping in one of his temples, tiny and so revealing. Laura impulsively leaned forward and gripped his partially gloved hand so that he could more easily read her emotions. This wasn’t about him, or his Sights, and she wanted him to truly feel that.

Over his shoulder she saw three black-clad figures emerge from the bushes surrounding the floating bathroom. They stood frozen for a moment, then reversed direction, Zee towing Mara by her elbow.

"I’m bad with things that hurt me," Laura said. "I shut them away, or be sensible to a fault, or arrange to not have scenes about them. I did feel a little strange about the possibility that you and I might be together because Sight Sight told him to, but I was thrown off-balance mainly because the last few months as I knew them changed and were reshaped by something I didn’t know. And that opened an old wound."

She started to let go of his hand, but he firmed his grip, then swapped rocks to sit beside her.

"Utter betrayal," he said, and his voice was very soft. "I could feel that, and I thought it somehow was about me."

"No."

The thought of explaining didn’t seem so impossible with him sitting beside her, hand held so firmly. But there was still a constriction in her throat to overcome, to allow her to explain the last time a precious relationship had been so abruptly reshaped.

"On the whole I think it’s unhealthy to cling to a marriage that no longer works," she said, voice low. "Everyone changes, and it’s far from uncommon to grow apart and move on. That’s the kind of thing that hurts for a while, and then you get over it. But moving on while staying is not a kindness."

Gidds shifted but did not speak, and Laura let herself lean against his shoulder.

"I find it very hard to forgive that year," she said, in a small, stilted voice. "A year where I lived a delusion of comfortable marriage with someone who valued me, shared a dozen different interests, who worked and laughed and slept with me, and was happy too. And that person wasn’t real, thought me dull, wanted to be with someone else. Was with someone else. Which made it a year I wouldn’t have participated in, given the choice."

The familiar, sick revulsion washed over her, and she felt Gidds' grip tighten, even though Place Sight would be battering him with remembered nausea. She took deep breaths until it passed.

"Such a shabby way to behave," she said at last. "And history, something I rarely think about any more, but it does mean I react poorly to—well, not surprises. I like good surprises. Just…"

"False foundations," he said.

"Yes." Laura straightened, offering him a wry smile. "That was rather more drama than I usually indulge in. I guess that’s what I get for running away from conversations."

"No, this is due to my omission. And I knew certain of Haelin’s ambitions, although I didn’t expect her to try to push us to them. But she will not be so impolite again, and I cannot be unhappy we’ve had this conversation."

Laura did feel better. "A little catharsis goes a long way."

Cass had not entered catharsis in her English-Muinan dictionary, and Laura could see Gidds react to the word. Sight Sight.

They took a lightning detour through Greek tragedy—and some kissing—before deciding that the rest of the walking party would surely be tired of tactfully lurking at the other end of the island.

"I have an inspection tour scheduled the day after tomorrow," Gidds said, as they stood. "Dull stuff in terms of my part, but the place has spectacular views and I think you’d enjoy it. Would you like to come along?"

Laura hesitated, but decided she did want to see more of how Gidds behaved on duty. A decorous business trip and pretty scenery mightn’t help her settle the question of too fast or too slow, but it would at least distract her.

"Hot or cold weather clothing?"

"Edging toward cooler, but a light jacket should be fine. A long day with a very early start. I’ll detail someone to collect you, and arrange for breakfast on the transport."

He added the appointment to her calendar, and then wanted an explanation for why she found that so funny, and so she related a few selected highlights of Cass' diary, particularly the time he’d given Cass an appointment for now.

At the pavilion they found Allidi, Haelin and Lira conscientiously packing the remains of lunch, and talking about Red Exchange. All three gave Gidds and Laura evaluating glances, although only Lira extended hers to open consideration.

Apparently satisfied, Lira abruptly leapt for a tangent, saying to Gidds: "Who is it decided I must be followed about at school?"

"The Touchstone Oversight Committee," Gidds replied, not blinking at the sudden change of direction. "Primarily due to the risk posed by Teleportation talents."

"Do the Kalrani get punished when I hide from them?"

"You haven’t yet succeeded in hiding," Gidds told her. "The interface shows your exact location at all times. Nor have you been out of range of Combat Sight, which is the primary means of assessing any threat to you. Ducking out of rooms quickly, or blocking doors, only limits line of sight."

"It’s more interesting for your security detail when you try to hide," Haelin put in, not necessarily helpfully. "While you’re around people, guard duty means not even watching entertainments or playing games. So boring. I’m glad they’re only assigning older girls."

"Pandora Shore is easier than in a less controlled area," Allidi said. "But at the same time the students are far more dangerous than the general public. Combat Sight reacts to that." She hesitated, then added: "Can I ask you something?"

Lira, looking frustrated, shrugged.

"Why do you never really try to hide? Create a projection as a distraction? You—Touchstones are so potentially powerful."

"Because then there would be more rules," Lira said, impatiently. "They would not let me go to the school, or put twice as many guards. I am just tired of them being there all the time."

"But—" Allidi glanced at her father. "There are Teleportation shields on some rooms, and Combat Sight would reveal any intent to attack among the students. Can’t the guard detail simply stay outside, so long as they can watch the door?"

Lira brightened enormously, and turned a look of burning expectation on Gidds.

"I’m no longer on the Committee," he said. "But I can suggest the compromise to them, if you wish."

Lira wished. Lira stopped short of ordering Gidds to make the arrangements Right Away, but clearly thought it all but settled, and thanked Allidi for the idea. Laura was pleased, but also reminded that having a daughter and granddaughter who were Touchstones mixed poorly with a romance with a KOTIS officer. There was fertile ground for conflict and tension, for while Gidds had very wisely taken himself entirely out of Arcadia’s supervision chain, that did not make him any less a person of influence in such matters.

The arrival of the three Setari, Sue, and the rest of the kids provided a handy diversion from the topic, and they decided they would continue along the path until it looped near the central hill, at which point Zee would airlift them to the amphitheatre. Gidds, after a murmur to Laura, caught up with his daughters at the front of the group, clearly having serious conversations over the interface.

Sue, eyeing them thoughtfully, opened a channel to Laura.

"Our three minders took on a distinct resemblance to sheepdogs for a while there, as if I could fail to have spotted Haelin arriving, figurative cap in hand, to ask for Daddy’s forgiveness. And never has a locale leant itself more to me asking if there’s trouble in Paradise."

"Not trouble, really. Maybe a pothole in the road to happily ever after. Sight talents really are something to get used to."

"What’d he do? Want me to go kick him in the shins?"

Laura explained, while wondering if Gidds would let Sue kick him.

"Love at first Sight Sight, huh? And do you, now you’ve had a chance to process it, find that romantic?"

"I find that I understand Gidds—and his daughters—a little better now. The whole years and years thing just makes me feel pressured. But…" She paused, thinking about Gidds spending those years wanting to know her better. "I like his reasons for liking me. I like them a lot."