In Green's Jungles

20 Back at the Battlefield

I am writing this in bed, in the little bedroom with a fireplace, and one brick wall, and one window, that I shared with Sfido. I have just spoken with Jahlee. Oreb is hopping about the little table they put beside my bed and eyeing the breakfast on my tray. I told him to take whatever he wanted, and he seems to be trying to decide. He would like a fish head better than any of it, I feel sure. Hide has gone to fish through the ice in the river, which is what everyone seems to be doing at present except for our prisoners and Inclito's coachman, who is guarding them.

And Jahlee, Oreb, and me. I must rest.

I have been ill. Perhaps I can begin there. A strange sort of sickness-no pain, just very tired. We brought the fourgoat back to camp, Hide going ahead to be sure no one fired. It was very welcome and was skinned and eaten at once. I ate some of the meat. Much less than the others, but they were not sick.

No matter. I was ill, I feel quite certain, before we reached the fire.

Jahlee came in again to chide me for not eating. "You can't live as we do, you know!"

I asked whether she had been feeding from my veins. She denied it, but conceded that another might have, and examined me for the punctures of fangs, finding none.

Or so she said.

"We don't bring all sickness. Besides, you have a fever. We don't do that."

I agreed, recalling Teasel. How cold her skin was!

I should have written down our earlier talk as well. I see that I did not. In summary:

She asked why I had not betrayed her. I tried to explain.

"But you hate us!"

As a group, I said, because you nearly killed my son and for the hideous conditions on Green where my son is.

She pointed out that I could have told my troopers, who would have shot and killed her, and burned her body.

I conceded that it was so.

"Would you rather see me the way I looked in Gaon?" She began to change as she spoke-taller, her face lengthening, and so on. I said it might be hazardous for her.

"Somebody might try to rape me, you mean. It's been tried before."

I was-am-surprised. That lean, wicked, famished, thin-lipped face would not have appealed to me even when I was Hide's age.

My head aches.

"Silk well!" proclaims Oreb, which would seem to mean that I must write again. To confess the truth, I am far from well, too weak almost to stand; nevertheless, I certainly feel better. I have an appetite again-I wanted no food at all while I was so ill and for some time before I realized I was. I ate a little of the fourgoat, I remember that. Hide would have been hurt if I had not. I feel better now than I did when I conducted my experiment, and I thought myself much better then. No doubt I was.

First I should explain that I was eager to see whether I could make use of another inhuma to visit Sinew on Green. With Jahlee present, and as friendly as these creatures ever are, it seemed too good an opportunity to miss. Naturally I could not tell anyone else what I intended; I merely asked Sfido to bring our prisoners and our troopers, including Cuoio, to my room, saying that I wished to speak to everyone at once and that I was still too weak to leave my bed. It was quite true as such things are ordinarily judged, but what irony!

He brought them all, filling the room almost to bursting. I asked him to fetch the old woman then. He was surprised, but went for her. He had hardly left the room, however, when we heard the clatter of horses' hooves. Oreb flew to the window at once. "Girl come. Boy. Good girl!"

There was a knock at the front door a moment afterward, followed by Jahlee's hurrying footsteps. "We have company," the Duko remarked dryly, to which Hide added, "A man and a pretty big lady."

The Duko said, "You can't know that."

"She has a pretty deep voice. I never saw a little lady with a deep voice like that."

I had a presentiment then but kept it to myself.

Crowded though he was, Morello managed a bow. "I want to ask you something, Master Incanto. I've already asked this boy who was with you, but he won't tell me anything."

I warned him that I might not tell him anything either, and was applauded for it by Oreb: "Wise man!"

"On the night before we came here, the boy-"

"Cuoio," I said. "He has a name, General, and there's no reason why we shouldn't use it."

"Private Cuoio came back to the place where we were sleeping. Everyone was asleep except the sentry and me. He warned the sentry not to shoot, no matter what he saw, and tried to persuade him to take the cartridges out of his slug gun, which he would not do."

Rimo protested. "It's against regulations, sir."

I nodded. "I understand."

Morello said, "He challenged you and you told him who you were, and then he and Private Cuoio helped you drag the fourgoat. Who was it that Private Cuoio thought the sentry might shoot?"

"We didn't want him to shoot anyone," I said, "very much including me."

For the time being at least, I was saved by Jahlee, who looked in at that moment. "A nobleman and a noblewoman to see you. She says she's-"

"Inclito's daughter." I raised my voice. "Come in, Mora. Is that Eco with you?"

"Bird glad!" Oreb crowed.

They joined us, Mora in furs, boots, and trousers, and Eco gleaming with gems and wearing a big saber with a golden hilt under his greatcoat. Between the deference accorded her and the area required by his broad shoulders and long blade, they made the room unbearably crowded.

She waved a cheerful greeting. "I'm sorry, Incanto. We've interrupted something."

"No, not at all," I told her. "We haven't begun. I've been ill-"

"The woman outside told me."

"Jahlee." From what Mora had said and the way she had said it, I knew she thought Jahlee human.

"Jahlee said she'd been taking care of you, but I'm going to take care of you myself. Grandmother and I took care of Papa when he was sick. Besides, she looks like a whore." She had elbowed her way to my bedside by that time; she pressed her wrist to my forehead. "You're feverish. How do you feel?"

"Wonderful."

"You'd say that if you were dying."

She swung around as she spoke, and I saw that she wore a sword with a shorter, lighter blade than Eco's, as well as a needier.

"People!" She raised both hands as well as her voice. "Get out! All of you! I know you mean well, but you're making him worse. Outside, everyone!

Out !"

When we were alone except for Oreb, I said, "I wouldn't have thought you could do that."

She grinned. "Neither did I, but it was worth trying. Anyway, my husband would have chased them out for me if I couldn't."

"I didn't-I'm very happy for you. For you both, Mora. He's a nice young man, and a brave one. I'd ask you to give him my congratulations, but I'll do it myself in a minute or two."

"When you go on with your meeting, or whatever it was?"

I nodded.

"Then you're going to let him sit in? May I sit in, too? Only I'd like to talk to you for a minute first."

"And I would like to talk to you. I'm very anxious to, in fact, though it will be painful."

"You want to scold me. I know you must have been worried, and Papa worried half to death, and I'm sorry. Really and truly I am. Only I didn't think about it until later. All I thought about was-"

I raised my hand. "I know what you thought about, and I excoriated myself again and again. We were terribly worried, exactly as you say-and so proud of you we nearly burst, both of us, and went half mad trying to hide it from each other. No, I'm not going to scold you, Mora. That's your husband's task, if it is anyone's."

"You said it would be painful. Is Papa…?"

"Perfectly healthy, as far as I know, and at the head of his troops."

"Then let me go first. All right?" She found the spindly chair Sfido and I had sat in to pull off our boots, and sat down. "You're going to want to know a lot about where I went and what I did, so I'll say something about that before the other. You know I took the short messenger's horse? I forget his name."

"Yes. Rimando."

"That's it. I took it because I knew Papa's letter was in the saddlebag, and I didn't want to start changing tack. You always have to adjust something for the new horse, and sometimes it takes a while to find out. I wanted to die like a hero."

She smiled. "I kept thinking how I'd be wounded and I'd come galloping up to Novella Citta dripping blood and find out who was in charge and hand over Papa's letter and fall dead. Only it was the horse. Rimando's. They shot it and it died under me.

There were a few seconds there when I was riding a dead horse."

"They didn't hit you?"

"No. I had Papa's needier. Did they tell you?"

I shook my head.

"I did. I knew he slept with it under his pillow. I went in and got it without waking him up. Only I never used it. I thought I'd shoot a lot of them and they'd shoot me, and I'd ride through their ranks and off I'd go, but my horse was dead and I'd have been dead too. I held up my hands instead and I yelled don't shoot. I wasn't brave at all."

"You were sensible."

"I hope so. So they got me, and about an hour later they got Eco, too. They'd been watching the road, I think."

"Their Duko and General Morello are both here. You can ask them."

"Those men with their hands tied? I saw them. That's great!"

"We think so. They took you and Eco back to Soldo and imprisoned you there. Isn't that correct?"

She nodded. "They took Papa's needier and sent our letters to their Duko, that's what they said. And they locked Eco up in a cell with some other men. I got a cell of my own because I was the only woman there. Do you mind if I call myself a woman?"

"Why should I? You are a woman."

She nodded again, solemnly. "My tits are starting. Want to see?"

I shook my head.

"Mostly I was just in the cell at night. During the day they let me out to work. I scrubbed floors and emptied slops and a lot of other stuff I'd done before we got Onorifica. I could've gotten away from them pretty easily, but I wanted to get Eco out too, and it was a while before I could get hold of the keys."

I said, "That was very brave," and she blushed like the girl she had been.

"May I ask where you were married?"

"In Novella Citta. They had… You know. They did it to me when they caught me, and then they caught Eco, and then they did it again that night, four of them."

"I'm sorry, Mora. I'm deeply, terribly sorry."

She shrugged. "You know how it is when you get thrown? You jump right up if you can, and you jump right back on. Because if you don't, if you let yourself have time to think, you'll never be any good. So I kept thinking I've got to get back on, I've got to get back on. That was after the first time. Incanto, this isn't even what I came here to tell you about."

Oreb commiserated with her. "Poor girl!"

"I think it is very probable that this is more important than whatever matter you originally wished to confide to me."

"Yes, but I don't need advice about this. They caught him too, and he was so brave. When they did it to me again he called them names and tried to get loose, and they hit him with their slug guns. They hit me, too, but only with their hands."

"They will be found and punished. I realize that won't help you, but it may save someone else."

Mora nodded, although I do not believe she had been listening. "He was so nice while we were going to Soldo and then when he was locked up there; and I said to myself, that can't have been what Grandmother got married over and over again for, and I've got to get back on. I could imagine what it was like when it was love. They hated me. That wasn't love, what they did."

"No, it was not."

"So I stole food for him in the jail, and he kept telling me not to worry about him, to get away if I could. But I opened his cell, and we stole horses-only there was no way we could get Papa's letters back or his needier. We rode a lot slower the second time, being a lot more careful, and we got through and I told them I was our duko's daughter, and Eco said I was too. And I talked about how we were going to win. They knew they had to give us to the Duko fast or come in on our side, and that's what they did. They gave us cards and jewelry, and swords and needlers and new horses, so on the second night we sort of slipped away and found this place and got one of the holy patres there to marry us. I'm glad you're smiling."

"How could I not smile?"

"Papa's going to be mad because Eco's a foreigner, I think. Only I don't know. You never can tell about Papa."

I remarked that Torda was a foreigner as well.

"Not from Grandecitta, I mean. Only Grandecitta's a long, long way away now, up in the sky somewhere, and nobody will ever see it again. We were afraid the patre would ask us a lot of questions, and he did. Only not the stuff we were afraid he'd ask about, like how old are you and where's your father? He was afraid we didn't love each other and wouldn't stay together. We had to tell him over and over that we did and we would. And we will."

"Good girl!"

"So he married us with two other patres for witnesses, and everybody kissed the bride." She smiled. "That night wasn't like the other times at all, only when I went to sleep I dreamed about Fava."

I nodded. "Was it unpleasant?"

"No. It was nice. I was little again and we played with dolls and things like we used to, only she wasn't…"

"An inhuma."

"That's right. When I first met her, Incanto, I thought she was just a little girl like me, and in my dream that's what she was. I kept thinking how could I have been so wrong about her? The next night it was the same thing, and the night after that one. I don't mean we did the same things or said the same things, only it's been me and Fava playing every night. I have other dreams, too, but one is always playing with Fava. It's nice, I like the dreams, only I think something must be wrong."

"I believe that something must be right, Mora."

"You don't think it's dangerous some way?"

"I doubt it," I said. "Also, I envy you. I would like very much to be a small boy again in my dreams. I'd give a great deal for that, if I had a great deal to give." Which was nothing less than the truth.

She nodded thoughtfully.

"Do you want me to stop the dreams, Mora? I may be able to, if you wish it; but I warn you now that I won't be able to restore them, should you want them to return. If I try to stop them and succeed, they will be gone forever. Do you understand?"

She nodded again, her face solemn.

"Consider well, but you must make your decision quickly. I won't be here much longer." Seeing her expression, I added, "Oh, I'm not going to die, or at least the gods haven't told me that I am, and I've been talking with a goddess in my own dreams almost every time I sleep. I only mean that since the war's over or nearly over, I'm going home. I should also warn you that these dreams may cease sometime of their own accord."

She straightened up, squaring her shoulders. "If you don't think they're dangerous, I'm going to keep having them as long as I can."

"Good girl!"

"That's wise, I believe. You had a very short childhood, and you were eager to leave it behind you, I know. I'm happy to see that the Outsider, who is far wiser than either of us, has found a way to prolong it." I fell silent, fingering my beard.

Mora inquired, "What's the matter?"

"You liked Fava, didn't you? Even when you knew what she was."

Mora nodded. "She was the only friend I had. But even if I'd had dozens of others, I would have liked her the best."

"You will never see her again, outside dreams."

"She's dead? You didn't kill her, did you, Incanto?"

"No. I tried to save her life and failed."

"It-" Mora plunged her fingers into her short, dark hair. "This is so crazy. I was playing dolls with her last night."

I nodded.

"Was I really? Was it true?"

"I think so. It's the interior person that survives death, Mora. Fava was an inhuma, as we both know. We both know, also, that her interior person, her spirit, was not. When you yourself die-and we all die-you will be the interior person, and there will be no other. To put it a bit more accurately, that interior person will be the only you in existence."

"So I'd better make sure the interior person's somebody I can live with?"

"Exactly. I think you've done very well so far, but you've only begun. May I tell you a secret, Mora?"

"If you think it's something I ought to know."

"I think it's something that everyone ought to know. I know another secret of that kind, but I may not tell it because I gave my word to a dying man that I would not. This one I found out for myself, so it's mine to do with as I choose."

"Go on."

"The Outsider has arranged our whorl in such a way that there is far more balance than at first appears, with gain involving loss, and loss, gain. Your father is rich by the standards of Blanko, and it is a very good thing to be rich; but as a rich man he has certain responsibilities-and is subject to certain temptations-that his poorer neighbors do not. Do you wish to argue?"

"He's a good man, whatever they say."

"He is. I forgot to mention his neighbors' envy, which is one of the chief disadvantages of his wealth, though there are others. I do not mean that he would be better off poor, though many men would. I am merely saying that he and his neighbors are much more nearly at a level in life than either may believe."

"All right, I see that."

"This matter of the interior person is similar. We mourn, we weep, we tear our clothes and our hair when a child dies; but the child's interior person was far superior to ours in most cases. In all, if the child was quite young. The longer you live the more difficulty you will have in keeping your interior person someone you can live with. My own difficulties have been so great that I would hesitate to say that I've succeeded."

"Good Silk!" Oreb assured me, and I smiled. "Good bird, too," I said.

"Is that your real name? Silk? Are you the man in the book?"

"I don't think so."

Mora stared at me, then looked away.

"Before you and your husband came, I called everyone in our party together. It made it too crowded in here. You saw that."

"Sure."

"There's no room in this little house that wouldn't be equally crowded, or worse; and I don't think it would be wise for me to go outside for another day or two. There is an old woman here and a young one. Both may be addressed as Jahlee. Will you do me a favor, Mora?"

"You've done me a lot of them, and I wouldn't want to ugly up my interior person. What is it?"

"I'm merely being curious now. Do you still consider the external one ugly?"

She shook her head. "Eco says I'm beautiful. I know that's not true and won't ever be, but I lost weight while I was away. Did you notice?"

I nodded.

"I need to lose some more. I'm going to try. I know I'll never look like Torda or even come close, but there are things I can do about the way I look and the way I dress," she touched her loose silk blouse, "and I'm going to do them."

"In a year or two, Torda will have to admit ruefully-to herself at least-that she will never be able to look, or act, or speak like you."

"Thanks. What's the favor?"

"I still want to have my meeting, but I am going to have to limit the number present. Bring either of the women called Jahlee, please, but not both."

All right."

"All three of our prisoners, I believe, and we'll have to include the trooper guarding them. In addition, Duko Sfido, Private Cuoio, and your husband. You yourself are welcome to attend as well. You said you wanted to."

"I still do. Thanks."

When she was gone Oreb asked, "Bird come? Good Silk!"

"You know what I'm going to do, clearly-what I'm going to try, at least. Do you approve?"

"Good Silk!" he repeated.

Hide was first to arrive. I explained to him that since there was only one chair it would have to be reserved for General Inclito's daughter, and said that he might sit on my bed, or on the floor if he preferred.

He shook his head. "Is the old lady coming? She was looking for her."

"Perhaps."

"She shouldn't have to stand up in her own house. I'll bring in another chair for her."

Duko Rigoglio, General Morello, and Colonel Terzo arrived, guarded by Inclito's coachman. I told the last that I was glad to see him, since he, as well as Inclito's daughter and son-in-law, could stand in for Inclito himself.

"He wanted me to go back and take care of the place, our livestock and wheat."

"He must be worried about his mother, too, Affito."

"He thought you'd see about them, sir. You know, all those womenfolk."

Cuoio returned with another chair, and a youthful Jahlee. "My aunt is unwell, Master Incanto. Will I make an acceptable substitute?"

I indicated that she would.

"This man you call Incanto has been a friend to me," she told Duko Rigoglio. "Without his friendship I might be dead today, or as good as dead, and buried. I've tried to repay his kindness."

The Duko smiled, and said he wished that he might say the same someday; while he was speaking, Mora, Eco, and Colonel Sfido came in together.

"Silk talk!" Oreb croaked loudly, and they fell silent.

I thanked them all for coming. "I would have liked to speak to everyone," I explained, "but we don't have room for everybody, so those of you who are here will have to tell the rest. I hope that some of you will also tell the people of Blanko, Captain Atteno and his wife especially. I don't want to lay too many duties upon anyone, but I think Duko Sfido may very well want to talk to the troopers that he and I trained there, Adatta and all the others."

Sfido nodded.

"Eco is a mercenary. No doubt some of you learned that while I was talking to Donna Mora. He can convey my farewell to Captain Kupus and his troopers-to Thody and Gorak, particularly."

"I will," Eco said.

"And tell Captain Rimando, please. If you would. I'm very sorry that he's not among us."

I paused to look from face to face. "Donna Mora will tell her father, of course. It was truly providential that she and her husband arrived when they did."

Jahlee said, "You're not dying, I hope."

"Do you really hope I'm not?"

"You know I do! I could have-"

My nod silenced her. "Of course," I said.

"Talk, Silk!" Oreb commanded.

"He means that I've wasted too much time already upon preliminaries, and he's right. I have several things to say to you, and I should get to them.

"First, I've been ill, as you know. I'm better now, and feel that I'll soon be well enough to travel, if the gods permit it. I've decided that there's little point in my returning to Blanko with you-or even to your father's farm, Donna Mora."

There was a buzz of talk.

I tried to clear my throat to silence them, but ended by coughing. "You will have ample time to discuss everything I say in a moment, and I promise to be quiet and let you do it. Please let me finish.

"Since I'm not going to Blanko or to Donna Mora's father's, there's no point in Duko Sfido and his prisoners waiting here for me to recover. Nor, of course, is there any point in Donna Mora and her husband waiting. If either party chooses to leave this afternoon, I wish it good speed. It seems very clear to me that neither should delay beyond tomorrow morning.

"That was my first point, and I have made it. The second concerns my identity, about which certain foolish rumors have circulated. I was born in the Whorl, more often called the Long Sun Whorl. My mother was not Inclito's as well, nor was my father his father. I would have thought that our faces would have ended the speculations of that kind before they began, but they have not, and so I wish to end them now. I will not presume by saying that Inclito and I are brothers in our regard for each other-but we regard each other highly.

"Though I was born in the Long Sun Whorl, my home is in a coastal town to the west called New Viron. Here you think that holy men should not marry, and you may well be right; but I am not a holy man, and I have a wife there, a woman I've loved since we were children. We have been separated, for reasons that are of small importance to you. It should be sufficient for me to say that we have been separated for years, though I have been striving to rejoin her. When I am well enough to travel again-in a very few days, I hope – Cuoio and I will set out for New Viron."

Hide began to protest, but my voice overpowered his. "He is recently come from there, and should be able to guide me. He can continue the errand that brought him to Blanko afterward, if he chooses to and his mother agrees. Cuoio, you see, is my son, the youngest son of three."

I spoke to Mora. "I'm sorry that my wife and I were not blessed with daughters. I have envied my brother Inclito his ever since I met-"

Terzo exclaimed, "She's singing!"

"I know," I told him. "I've been trying to speak in spite of it. I suggest that you try to keep silent in spite of it, for the present at least."

Jahlee asked, "Who is?"

"Someone only Colonel Terzo and I can hear. It doesn't really concern him, and it certainly doesn't concern the rest of you." I fell silent for a moment to listen to Seawrack's song, the beating waves and the cries of the seabirds.

Duko Rigoglio said, "I told you once that you had no magic powers."

"Did you? It's certainly true."

"I know better now. You've put some sort of spell on Terzo here, and I saw the witch sitting in the smoke."

"I know you did."

"Terzo says that you had a baletiger carry your meat, and that he put it down and went away when you told him to. The man who was on guard then says the same thing."

Inclito's coachman nodded.

"Private Cuoio wouldn't tell us anything. I understand that now better than I did the last time I spoke to him. This seems to be the last chance I'll get to talk to either of you, so I'd like to ask you something. Not whether you have those powers, because I know the answer. But how you got them, and what you set out to do with them."

When I said nothing, Mora declared, "The gods favor him. If you had been a better man, they might have favored you, too."

Jahlee added, "He's on good terms with the Vanished People, they say, and-"

Her voice was lost in a babble of others, including Duko Rigoglio's. I shut my eyes (I was very tired, which may have helped) and while attempting to fix her tones in my memory, I tried to recall Green's jungles and Sinew. Sleep rushed upon me, sending me spinning through an endless night.