In Shadows and Darkness

Chapter 19

CHAPTER TWENTY

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Mara woke with a start, still curled up in one of the hide chairs set to either side of the long console in the corridor outside Skywalker's private rooms, the insubstantial delicacy of her vinesilk dress leaving her cold in the morning chill.

The noise that had woken her was the morning staff bringing breakfast to the panelled dining room, the first of the three rooms which formed Luke's private sanctuary within the sprawling Perlemian Apartments. When the two men re-emerged, they glanced nervously to Mara then back into the room before hurrying off.

Frowning, she walked quickly to the door, glancing into the empty dining room, moving quickly through and into the withdrawing room, heading for the bedroom beyond. Something made her glance sideways out onto the balcony...

and pause, heart in her throat.

She swallowed once, then set off out onto the wide veranda, the city laid out before and beneath it in distant splendour. She didn't even see it- save to register on some distant level just how high up they really were.

"Skywalker...." Mara murmured uneasily, uncertain what else to say.

Luke sat cross-legged, calmly balanced on the wide stone handrail that edged the balcony's balustrade, his back to her as he gazed out over the city. He wore light, linen sleep-trousers but nothing else, the fine scars of old injuries criss-crossing his skin in the bright sunlight, his dressing gown abandoned on the floor nearby, the fine fabric fluttering slightly in the morning breeze. He remained silent, didn't react at all to her voice, and eventually Mara walked forward... but slowly, gingerly.

Reaching the balustrade, she stopped ten paces away from him, afraid to go any closer.

Now she could see that his eyes were closed, wrists resting lightly on his knees, feet tucked close to his body on the carved handrail just wide enough to enable him to maintain equilibrium, hands hanging loose, the balancing-act seeming controlled and effortless. He said nothing, eyes still closed though she knew that he must have heard her.

"...Luke?" Mara asked at last, though he still didn't open his eyes. But he spoke.

"What if I was wrong?"

"About what?" Mara tried to pull him into conversation though she knew full well what he was thinking about.

He didn't turn; didn't answer.

"She would have tried again - and again." Mara said at last, "You did what you had to."

"That doesn't make me right." Luke said without turning. "Five years ago, seeing another Si... someone like me rising to power... I probably would have helped her."

Mara hesitated, trying to find a path through this, wondering what he would do if she simply lunged for him, aware that she could hear the beat on her own heart in her words as she spoke. "Perhaps... if it had been someone else, not you - maybe you would have been right to. Maybe then she would have been right. But this is you, and you're different."

Luke frowned, Master Yoda's words ringing through his head one more time; 'No; no different. Only different in your mind.'

He opened his eyes at last, gazing down at the drop before him; almost forty stories onto the hard, granite-set roof of the main Monolith.

"I should have closed my eyes." He said cryptically without looking at her.

Mara frowned, uncertain what he was saying; when should he have closed his eyes? At the execution yesterday? He'd seen so many before - why would...

"When the explosion went off." He said at last, "I should have just... closed my eyes."

For the first time he turned to her, mismatched eyes as intense-a blue as the morning sky, the long surgery scar which ran from his collar-bone down the centre of his chest still visible in the bright light. "But they would have died - everyone there. They would have all died. The shields would have failed." He looked away again, uncertain, "But I didn't know that - not for sure. I could have closed my eyes. I could have just closed my eyes and let it happen."

"You and your Fate?" Mara made the word a curse.

He smiled just slightly; the slightest twitch to the corners of his mouth. "I don't believe in fate."

Mara frowned uncertain; after everything that he'd said, everything he'd done... the chances he'd taken..."Then...why?"

He shrugged away the question, glancing down again to the distant roof, "Don't you get those moments, Mara?" He murmured at last, voice unnaturally calm, "Don't you get those moments when just for an instant you're at the eye in the centre of the storm and everything is finally still... everything is finally calm; quiet for the first time in so long..."

He took a deep breath, his eyes closing again as if reliving that moment- that intensity of feeling, "And when you get them you'd do anything - anything at all - to hold on to them. Because you can see the storm all around you and you know it so well... and you'd do anything at all to hold onto that moment of calm."

Mara took a slow step forward. He opened his eyes again, looking down to the Monolith far below, the dark granite easily swallowing up the early morning light, and Mara took another slow step forward as the brittle silence stretched to breaking point.

"...Luke..."

He moved just slightly and she froze in place again as he resettled his weight, still balanced over the sheer drop, the inference clear though he didn't look, didn't give any indication that he'd heard her speak his name at all.

"What if I'm wrong?" he asked again, quietly this time; little more than a murmur.

"Luke you're scaring me." Mara daren't move forward again; daren't move at all, frozen to the spot.

After long seconds he glanced to her as if realising what she had said and he grinned; laughed almost, the action pulling at the scar through is lips. "Mara Jade doesn't get scared."

"Except around you." She said honestly; "For you."

Those words seemed to drag him out of his reverie just a little. He frowned at her then he turned away again, refusing the concern; the closeness. Mara took another step forward, heart in her mouth...

He unfurled his legs to kick his heels casually against the outside of the balustrade, leaning out slightly over the precipice, stopping her cold. "It's not that far Mara; probably wouldn't kill me. Not me."

"I'd prefer not to take those odds." She said immediately and he smiled, eyes still on the drop.

"I've jumped further than that." he said, wry, self-depreciating amusement in his voice.

"I think the difference there is that you probably wanted to land on your feet."

"Good point." Luke said, eyes still on the drop; daring himself; Mara could see it in his eyes.

He lifted his head just slightly to gaze out over the city and Mara took another infinitesimal step forward. When he still didn't move she edged a little closer... "Stop creeping up on me Mara. It makes me nervous."

"Makes you nervous!" Mara half-shouted, "How d'you think I feel right now?!"

"Tired." He turned, impossibly blue eyes locking onto hers, "Very tired."

And she did- tired and woolly and desperate to lay down; to rest, even if just for a few seconds... she felt herself teeter just slightly, felt her knees and shoulders loosen as her muscles relaxed, felt as if she could just... drop; just slide down where she stood and...

"Son of a..." Mara shook her head against the impulse, broke eye-contact, shaking away his influence. The shadow of a frown crossed his face and he looked away again, leaving her breathless and furious.

"Don't ever do that to me again!" she almost yelled, such was her anger, "Don't even think that you..."

He turned, and those mismatched eyes held a very different look now, mercurial as ever, "Don't issue ultimatums to me, Mara. I didn't ask you to come out here."

She arched her eyebrows, "Don't issue ultimatums? Fine, how's this for not issuing ultimatums - jump. Go ahead and jump. I don't care! You spend half your life out on that ridge one way or another anyway, trying to decide whether you should jump or not. Well go ahead a..."

She lunged forward, heart in her mouth, as he opened his arms out... and fell-

Her outstretched hands wrapped about his right wrist and she braced, his entire bodyweight pulling her forward against the heavy stone balustrade as he fell, wrenching at her shoulders,knees bent, feet slipping, every muscle strained to maximum to hold onto him, only the height of the balustrade stopping her from toppling over with him.

She stared down at him, red hair blowing about her face in the high wind, "What the hell is wrong with you!?"

Body still swinging just slightly, he glanced out about him over the distant sprawl of the city, a slow smile spreading across his face. Then looked up to her, his hand clasping about her wrist, bare feet scrabbling against the smooth stone for purchase as his left hand found a hold on the balustrade. She yanked him up and he found footing on the outside of the carved stone railings, releasing her arm and standing upright still on its outer side, grinning.

"I should push you off this damn thing!" Mara shouted, relieved and terrified all at once, the buzz of adrenaline still pumping, making her heart pound.

He swung his legs over onto the inside of the balustrade, hopping down to solid ground of the balcony, hand to his right shoulder as he lifted his arm uneasily, his natural Rim-world accent winning out. "I think you put my arm out."

"I put...!" Mara stuttered to a stop, speechless.

"Yeah- it's my bad arm." The shoulder which had been so badly injured in the assassination attempt earlier that year still troubled him, though it wasn't common knowledge.

"What... you..." Mara finally pulled a stuttering sentence together, pointing at the drop. "What the hell was that!?

"Just testing." he shrugged casually, glancing behind him.

"What if I hadn't caught you!? What if I'd caught you but couldn't hold you?"

"Fate." He dismissed, still massaging his shoulder.

"Y...I..." Still livid, she stepped forward and raised her hands, shoving him bodily backwards for want of something better to do.

He staggered back a step, unconcerned, and she found her voice.

"You and your stupid, irresponsible... stupid..."

"You already said that." He said mildly.

"Well I think it deserves to be said twice!" She was almost shouting again, adrenaline turning fear to anger.

He glanced away as she heard Reece and Clem come rushing into the room behind her then pause at the balcony doors, seeing Luke stood safely on the balcony- probably the two servants had finally decided to tell them what they'd seen, Mara realised distantly.

Luke shook his head slightly and they backed away, leaving the room, but not without risking a curious glance at Mara, Luke probably appearing completely calm and rational to them. In another hour, neither of them having seen him at the balcony's edge, they'd have talked themselves into believing that the servants were wrong anyway. Another half-hour and one would mention to the other, 'Was it me, or did Jade seem to be swinging for him when we came in?'

Fantastic; great.

Just another day in the Skywalker household.

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"Han." As leia sat down opposite him, Han jolted upright from the messroom table, eyes wide, and Leia was greeted by the comical sight of a half-awake Solo with a perfect imprint of the woven metal tabletop on his forehead.

"What!?" he jerked up so quickly that he almost overturned the mug of kia in his hand, its contents sloshing over the side and onto the table, where it immediately fell through the open metal weave, making him twitch back in his chair and twist to the side to avoid it wetting his blue flightsuit, the shoulders of which were shrugged off and tied about his waist.

Leia waited without a word until he settled back down, glancing sheepishly about him. He rubbed his eyes, though it seemed to do little to dispel his muzzyness. Six hour's sleep and he was out again in thirty minutes; great.

Leia set her head to one side, "You are sooo attractive right now."

"Hey, I'm not a morning person." Han defended, taking a graincake from her plate.

"It's eleven." Leia said pointedly.

"Believe me doll, that's early for me." He took a bite from the graincake before replacing the rest on her plate, pulling a disgusted face. "What the hell is that?"

"Good for you."

"Well there's sure as hell no other reason for eating it."

"Maybe if you ate a little more stuff like this you wouldn't feel like that right now." Leia teased gamely.

"Well maybe if you...." he trailed off, his tired brain having no end to the gibe his mouth had already begun, "Ah, hell, you know the routine. It's early- give me a break."

"I can't believe they're actually going to give you a fighter to fly in less than an hour." Leia's big brown eyes were an even mix of worry, doubt and dry humour.

Han rubbed his hand down his stubble-rough face, trying to come round a bit. "Yeah I know- suckers."

She glanced down, pulling a strip off her graincake, "What time are you back?"

"Uh, five hours, then five hours." He replied, the shift being broken in two, "Two sets of freighter escort. You?"

"Meetings." she dismissed, then glanced back at him with studied nonchalance. "I was speaking to Tag this morning- she... told me in confidence that she'd had Madine in her office again."

Han groaned, running his fingers through shower-wet hair, "Doesn't the guy have anything better to do? He should have my job."

Madine had approached Tag Massa, the Intel Chief, several times since the whole Bothawuii fiasco, voicing his suspicions that Han may be the spy onboard Home-One who had eluded them for so long. He was after all the only one who inexplicably escaped the disaster onboard the Fury - not only without a scratch but in the freighter that the Empire had empounded four years earlier.

Apparently that was damning evidence as far as Madine was concerned, and to make matters worse, hadn't Solo also magically managed to escape from the Imperial Palace four years ago? Just days before the Rebel cell on Coruscant - the one which had coincidentally helped him escape - was closed down by the Empire? He'd appeared out of no-where at Yavin - with Skywalker- and flown against the Death Star, one of only a handful of ships to return- another also coincidentally being the Imperial spy 'Skywalker'.

Yes, the station had been destroyed, but it was now widely accepted that it must have held some incorrectable flaw- in fact it had even been suggested that it had never truly been the reusable weapon it claimed, the whole incident created as an opportunity to flush out the far-ranging nest of Rebel spy networks who all worked to smuggle out the plans, as well as an opportunity to remove Alderaan as the supposed instigator and harbourer of the network, and long a thorn in the Emperor's side for its independent voice. It had also securely placed Skywalker in the Alliance stronghold at a senior level, setting him up as some kind of hero and placing him beyond suspicion for so long.

That was an awful lot of coincidences, and when Han didn't have explanations for his proximity to them all, people had started to listen to Madine.

Fortunately, just as many dismissed them as paranoia, and since Massa was one of the latter, it had melted away to a minor annoyance for Han; an ongoing friction between the two men.

"Well, your good friend has been singing you praises again." Leia said dryly of Madine, making Han roll his eyes, "He's asking for a meeting of the Chiefs of Staff and he's been down in Tag's office this morning suggesting that maybe someone else should attend as the Active Flight Commander."

"Great." Han said, "Tell him I'll gladly stay away from his little party."

Leia pulled a face, "I would, but I think he's up to something, and I could really do with you there. Tag also told me in confidence that he hinted that I'd been kept out of the loop with the DEMP's because of you - that's why they knew about the venue change."

Han lifted his head, exasperated, "I didn't know where the venue change actually was 'till an hour before!"

She shrugged, "He thinks I told you."

Han pursed his lips, annoyed; it was one thing to have Madine on his back; he could handle it and really didn't give a damn what the man thought about him at the end of the day. But it was something else to have him go after Leia; try to involve her in all this somehow.

"I've met nicer Hutts than that guy." He intoned darkly, making Leia smile as she reached out to squeeze his arm.

"Well, Tag brushed it off; she told him in no uncertain terms that if you were the spy they wouldn't exactly be drawing everyone's attention to the fact, now would they?"

"What'd he say to that?"

Leia shrugged, suddenly bone tired, "You know Madine." she said in dismissal.

"Yeah, I know Madine." Han stated dryly, "If it was up to the General, knowing Luke would be a capital offence. "You can take the guy outta' the Empire but you can't take the Empire outta' the guy."

Despite everything, in some strange sort of way, Leia knew Han still wanted to trust Luke. He didn't speak about it with her anymore - not like he had when it all first came out - but deep down, he still wanted to believe. But then it was hard for Han; he hadn't been here when the truth came out, when they found the evidence - solid evidence - that Luke was a spy. He hadn't been here when people had to make those connections and deal with the mounting facts, so he'd never laid it to rest as Leia had. And he didn't have Leia's responsibility; in her position she couldn't afford to trust, even had she wanted to. She had to look at the bigger picture, take the safer route.

Han had always adamantly claimed that in all the time he'd been held captive on Coruscant nobody ever asked him anything. Why keep him there if not for information, he'd reasoned. He hadn't exactly helped his cause by arguing with Madine on several occasions that if Luke was a double-agent then he would surely have made the effort to drag something from Han in that time, especially if he had no intention of returning to the Alliance under his pseudonym.

But then he had gotten information from Han. He'd simply managed to manipulate Han into volunteering it rather than drag it from him. Maybe it amused him... one last game for old time's sake. The end result was the same any way you looked at it; he'd managed to close down the last reliable base they'd had on Coruscant. That was what Madine saw.

Three in the Core Systems, if you counted the two which had been closed down within hours of Leia and Chewie passing through on their own 'escape'.

And he'd consistently used Han to instil suspicion in the Alliance ever since. Used him to hide the fact that the Empire had a spy here- to confuse and distract. Everyone kept looking to Han because Luke always made him the scapegoat... and Han still defended him!

No, no matter what Han thought, they'd all been led a flawless dance by whoever the hell he was- because he wasn't Luke Skywalker; or if he was, he wasn't the Luke Skywalker he'd claimed to be when he was here.

The turning point, at which Han had finally stopped speaking out, hadn't so much been the debacle at Bothawuii as the end result. In fact, for a brief time in those first few days when Han alone had had escaped the Fury, when she had thanked every lucky star she'd ever wished on that he was back and safe, when Han had told her that it was Luke who'd caught him, Luke who'd let him free... for just a few days, she'd begun to wonder again; begun to hope.

And then the news had gone out over the HoloNet and Leia had chided herself for letting Skywalker get to her one more time. For wanting to hope.

Because now there was nothing left to argue, even for Han. Mon Mothma was dead, Luke's complicity in the action undeniable. It had been, from beginning to end, his campaign. He had reeled her in using knowledge he'd clearly gained whilst he was with the Alliance, had used typically covert, calculating methods to capture her then taken her to Coruscant to give her to his Emperor like a gift. Had watched her dragged through some sham of a trial - barely even that at a paltry five days long - and had, sources said, attended her execution.

Mon was dead because of Luke. No-one else; no room for misinterpretation. No blurring of allegiance or commitment.

Even Han had no answer to that; even he had fallen to uneasy silence.

The crackling ship's comm sounded a tone, marking the shift change, and Han rose, grabbing his cup

"I gotta go fill this again or I'll never stay awake for the briefing, let alone the flight." he said apologetically, pushing his chair back. "I'll be at your meeting- I'll make it a point."

Leia smiled at his promise, knowing he wouldn't let her down. He winked, turning about and disappearing into the crowd as all the blue-suited pilots in the mess hall slowly made their way to the doors in various states of exhaustion.

She swore sometimes this whole outfit was held together by caffeine and duct tape.

Leia watched him go as the mess emptied to near-silence, then sighed and stood herself. She hadn't told him the rest; hadn't told him that Madine had specifically asked that if Han attended the meeting it was to be entered into his Intel file.

Didn't tell him that she privately wondered if Skywalker was doing this on purpose It had after all instigated a major split in the Alliance's hierarchy; made them seem unstable, both amongst themselves and to the galaxy at large. Leia had been voted in as the new Commander in Chief of the Alliance just days after Mon's execution, and one of the first things she had to sign was a veto allowing a file to be opened by Alliance Intelligence on Han.

Tag Massa had been her usual gracious self, assuring Leia that this was just routine; standard operating procedure stated that she had to open the file if she had more than three requests to do so from officers on active duty, and although she would open one, she saw no reason to waste her staff's time in pursuing it.

The file would be opened, nothing more.

But it got out- these things always did; not into the general populace but certainly into the various Intelligence communities who plied their trade in the shady ground between the Empire and the Alliance. There it was well known that the leader of the Alliance was in direct contention with one of her own senior officers over the fact that she was protecting a possible spy. Hardly the bright new prospect she'd been hoping to bring to her role.

Tag had reassured Leia, as usual, that these things blew over in time, and pointed out that despite his military genius Madine was in many ways a straightforward man who dealt with this kind of problem in a straightforward way, believing that sometimes, in the absence of any other evidence, one must act in support of what appears to exist.

What had been made to appear, Leia knew- and she knew who by. This wasn't the kind of convoluted game Vader played; it was closer to Palpatine's form, but that didn't feel right either. No- she knew exactly who was playing these games, setting these traps, muddying the water.

Tag had maintained, when Skywalker first began rounding up the Bothans, that as far as The Heir was concerned, his relationship with the Alliance had long been a case of 'You don't bother me and I won't bother you'. Not surprisingly, with the assassination attempt he believed they'd crossed the line. As far as he was concerned, the Alliance had made a declaration of war and now it was open season.

And Leia couldn't help but think - remember Tag's warning from long ago;

"If they do decide to make an assassination attempt, then I will do my level best to make sure it's flawlessly executed and hope with all my heart that it will be successful- because Force help us all if it's not."