Jaguar's Kiss

Chapter Five

Santiago groaned as he watched the object of his obsession saunter away as if nothing had happened. As if his world hadn’t just shattered and reformed wrong. As if he hadn’t just made the biggest goddamn mistake of his life—the one mistake he would never be able to make himself regret.

He’d kissed Lila Fallon.

And it had been everything he’d been fantasizing for five years it would be. Though the afterglow could use some work.

Shit.

Everything with Lila was complication on top of complication. For him it was simple. Lila Fallon had always been the most beautiful, precious female he’d ever seen. She was kind-hearted to a fault and so giving she was going to allow herself to be eaten up by the needs of the pride, packaged and domesticated until she was no more than the product of her parents’ wishes. So much so that she didn’t even know her own.

He wanted to steal her away. Make her his and live just the two of them, somewhere it didn’t matter that she was the Alpha’s daughter and he was a stray jaguar. But Lila was a lion. She would always need the pride, need that community around her. She wasn’t cut out to be a nomad, even if he could have asked her to walk away from her family.

He didn’t really want her to abandon them. He just wanted her to want him. Even if it was only half as much as he craved her.

There had been moments before tonight, flickers, when he thought he caught something in her eye, some hint that she might have some feeling for him, buried underneath layers of obligation, but they never quite got all the way to the surface. She wouldn’t let herself want. Because then she would never have to be upset by her lack of options. She’d never have to face the fact that her life had never been her own.

But tonight she’d wanted. He hadn’t imagined that. She’d been with him all the way. Just as hungry and eager as his wildest dreams.

He wasn’t sure if that was very good or very, very bad. He couldn’t predict how she would react to letting herself want him—even if it had just been for a few minutes.

She hadn’t immediately thrown Roman over and fallen into his arms. In fact, she seemed to still plan on marrying him.

Santiago clenched his fist around the ribbon that still carried her scent. Could he stay and watch her marry Roman? Watch them raise perfect little lion babies and rule over the pride? Would he be able to swear his loyalty to Roman, who didn’t even seem to know what he had in Lila?

Maybe it would be best if he left now, before it got any harder. He’d liked being part of a pride, but he was still a jaguar, still independent enough to make it on his own. He had enough of a reputation now that he could probably move to another area in the region without losing too many of his client contacts. Idaho, maybe. Or Washington. He’d heard Seattle was beautiful. Jaguars actually liked the water and there wasn’t a lion pride within a hundred miles of the city, so he wouldn’t have to worry about being reminded of Lila all the time.

It was a decent plan. The only problem was, he didn’t want to leave her. He didn’t think he would ever want to leave her. Even if it meant never having her. Watching her with someone else.

Lila Fallon had wedged her way into his soul and until he learned how to get her out, he was stuck.

Santiago took another swallow of tequila, trying to burn the taste of her out of his memory, and wandered off the trail, deeper into the wilds of the pride lands. He would’ve shifted, but right now he needed tequila more than fur.

Lila woke feeling wretched, and she couldn’t even blame it entirely on the alcohol. The hangover really wasn’t that bad, but the remorse, the remorse was eating a hole in her stomach.

She’d left Patch alone with Roman and never gone back, forcing her best friend to make excuses for her. On the night she’d become officially engaged to one man, she’d gone and kissed another. And then had a raging row with the Other Man—though she couldn’t remember what the fight was about. But she recalled every detail of the kiss.

She felt all twisted up inside, like her emotions would only be made straight if she could shift into feline form and run for days—which was so not her. Lila had never been ruled by her cat. She was almost detached from it, it was so contained within her. She enjoyed her cat well enough, but she never needed it. She didn’t really have much of a connection to her animalistic side, having never really keyed into her leonine instincts, but now she felt the restless press of fur against the inside of her skin.

She stripped out of last night’s slept-in clothes and took a quick shower, but the restlessness wasn’t soothed by the pounding water, so instead of drying off, she shifted and shook the water droplets from her fur.

She padded out of her apartment and loped awkwardly down the external stairs. The nearby area was thronging with people, many of them carrying suitcases, bits of furniture, and crates of personal items—the outlying cats moving in already. She wondered where Santiago would stay then shook away the thought. It was none of her concern.

She took the same route as last night, trotting north out of the main area. She easily found the spot where she’d kissed Santiago, but her red ribbon was missing from the post and someone had already cleaned up the broken glass she’d meant to come back for. Farther up the path, she crested a small hill and found a saturation of Patch’s and Roman’s scents. They’d stayed here for a while, waiting for her to come back, no doubt.

Lila ran on, stretching her legs out with a burst of speed. She scented prey to her right, but didn’t turn and belly under the fence. She wasn’t in the mood to hunt alone. Instead she veered left, taking off through the underbrush into one of the many forested areas on the pride lands.

She was forced to slow to navigate the less familiar, uneven path, but she kept her pace just a little faster than caution would recommend. She wished she could say it was helping, that she’d sorted out some of the jumble she’d woken up with, but she was still as tangled up and restless inside as ever.

She must’ve run for an hour, taking a wide loop through the northern pride lands before circling back to the main complex. The activity hadn’t abated. If anything there were more shifters on the paths now, getting settled themselves or helping others move in. Lila threaded around their ankles, careful not to trip anyone as she darted through the crowds.

This was what it was going to be like in the pride now. Crowded, with everyone smelling slightly of tension and fear.

“Lila.”

At the sound of her name, she darted off the side of the path, twisting to see the speaker.

Roman. Standing on the porch of one of the bungalows with a pair of elderly lynx. The older couple waiting patiently as Roman paused his conversation with them to call out to her.

“Come by my office later, if you would. We should talk.”

She bowed her head in assent and leapt back into motion, rushing off. Now the tangled, amorphous nervousness she’d woken up with had a point to focus on.

Roman wanted to talk to her. Roman never wanted to talk to her.

What had she done wrong? Well, obviously she knew what she’d done wrong. She’d made out with Santiago like a cat in heat, but could Roman know that? Sure there were times when it seemed like he was omniscient when it came to the pride, but usually he didn’t pay much heed to who was sucking face with whom. Though it might make a difference if one of the face suckers was his fiancée.

How was she going to face him? What was she going to say? She hadn’t been this nervous the one and only time she’d been called in front of the pride school’s principal. Of course, in that case, she’d known she was in the right. Patch had been being bullied and Lila had gotten in that fight because she needed to. She didn’t have an excuse this time. This time she was fully in the wrong. And somehow Roman knew.

How could he know? Did Santiago tell him? No. Lila was certain the jaguar wouldn’t have done that. Roman had probably just walked past the infamous fence post and smelled the two of them all over it.

She would explain it. Wild oats. Bridal jitters. Alcohol. It was perfectly understandable. Roman was a reasonable mountain of muscle and authority. He would understand. She hoped.

By the time she’d shifted back, showered again and changed into fresh clothes—which necessitated a good hour of primping until her nerves were diminished enough for her to leave the apartment—it was lunch time, so Lila stopped off to grab a couple of sandwiches at the commissary to take to Roman. Maybe if she fed him it would remind him that his fiancée had virtues to counterbalance the tendency to make out with strange jaguars immediately after the announcement of her wedding.

Roman’s office was in the middle of a housing cluster. Since the Alpha’s office was part of the main house, off on its own up on the hill, Roman had decided that the Alpha’s heir and second-in-command should be more accessible to the pride, to give him a chance to get to know his cats on a more casual basis before he became their master.

Lila agreed with the policy, but it meant she was ducking through more crowds as she made her way to the low-slung building that was Roman’s den. She scratched on his door, half-hoping he wouldn’t be in, but his deep baritone promptly called out, “Come in.”

Lila shoved open the door and he looked up from the file on his desk. “Lila. Thank you for coming.”

He was alone. Just the two of them as she let the door fall closed behind her. She should get used to it. When they were married, she was going to have to be alone with him.

“I brought you a sandwich.”

“Thank you. I’m starving.” His gaze flicked to the side, so rapidly she almost didn’t catch it, but when she looked over she saw the remnants of a massive meal piled on the sideboard.

She blushed. “You ate already. I should’ve known—”

“No, this is perfect,” he cut her off, rising and rounding his desk. “I’m always hungry. Something you’ll doubtless need to know about me.” He took the sandwiches from her hands and drew her to the chair beside his desk—not the one opposite, but a small one she’d never noticed positioned next to his throne-like one. “More food is always welcome. Drink?”

He sat in his chair and stretched out one long arm behind him to pop open a mini-fridge, stocked to bursting with Gatorade, bottled water, and, surprisingly, vanilla Coke.

“Water?” She cleared her throat when her voice came out a squeak.

He grabbed them two bottles of water and closed the fridge. Twisting off the tops on both, he set one in front of her and another at his elbow and reached for one of the sandwiches. Lila began slowly unwrapping her own.

“I wanted to talk to you because we haven’t talked in…well, ever. I think it’s past time we get to know each other, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry for ditching you with Patch last night and forgetting to come back,” she said hurriedly, starting with the easiest of the apologies. “I’d had a little too much to drink and—”

“No. No, it’s okay.” Roman was suddenly fascinated with his sandwich. Was he blushing? What would make the big, bad Alpha-in-training blush?

His voice was rough when he began again, “I’d like us to be loyal to one another. Once we’re married. I think it would be best for the pride if there aren’t any perceived cracks in our relationship—”

“Right, of course.” Lila couldn’t agree with him fast enough. She needed him to know that what happened last night with Santiago, however Roman had found out about it, had been a fluke. “I’d like that too. I love loyalty.”

“And I thought perhaps it would be best if we got to know one another a little better.” He sounded so stiff and formal, just as uncomfortable as she was.

“I’d like that. Brilliant idea.” This was just what they needed. To get to know one another. Spend time together. Of course she had jitters about getting married, she didn’t know the man she was supposed to fall in love with, but if they could just talk…

“So.” Roman cleared his throat. “Ah, what kind of movies do you like?”

“Anything with a romance in it. Romantic comedies, romantic tragedies—as long as someone is falling in love, I’m hooked. You?”

“Action, mostly. Especially World War II. Strategy, life and death, honor being tested. What about books? Do you read a lot?”

“I love to read. Romances, again. And you?”

“Non-fiction.”

Lila forced herself to smile and nod. Lots of people had very happy marriages who had nothing in common. Lots of people.

Lila should not have been so relieved when their sandwiches were gone and she could make her escape. She glanced at her watch. Twenty minutes. She’d only been with him for twenty minutes, but they were among the longest twenty minutes of her life. They’d both been trying so hard and it had just been awkward.

Maybe next time would be better. Because there would be a next time. They were on a mission to make this marriage work and neither of them gave up easily. She was more resolved than ever. Roman may not be her soulmate, but he was perfect for the pride—more perfect than she could have imagined—and together they would make this work.

Climbing the external stairs to her apartment, she saw Patch bounding down them two at a time.

“Hey!” Patch leapt down the landing at her side. “I was just about to go looking for you.”

“I was having lunch with Roman.”

Patch’s eyes went wide. “Oh? How was it?”

“Awkward. Excruciatingly awkward. We’re trying to get to know each other. It’s like some bizarre Victorian courting ritual where we only talk about the most inconsequential things. By the end we were actually discussing the weather. Though, on the plus side, I now know that he likes thunderstorms, so there you have it. True love is right around the corner.”

“Come on. You need chocolate therapy.”

Patch grabbed her hand and Lila turned to head back down the stairs she’d just climbed. They didn’t speak until they were settled at a secluded table in the dining hall with a Death By Chocolate brownie and two forks.

Even with the influx of new people, the dining hall was relatively empty at this time of day. The only other shifters crowded around a large table on the opposite side of the room. Patch and Lila were about as private as they could get in pride life.

“Santiago was looking for you.” Patch scooped up a large bite of brownie and Lila nearly choked on her own at the announcement.

“He was?” She tried for an air of innocent confusion. “Did he say why?”

“I didn’t ask,” Patch said around another bite. “We mostly talked about this whole calling in the outliers thing. It’s kind of inconvenient timing for me.” When Lila shot her a look of alarm, Patch held up her fork placatingly. “Of course I’m coming in. Set a good example. Pride solidarity.”

“And Dad would kill you if you risked yourself.”

“That too. But honestly I’d rather be anywhere else.” Patch blushed and mumbled something under her breath.

“What?”

Patch grimaced and said in a louder whisper, “My heat is starting.”

“Oh.” Lila blinked. “Oh.”

Unlike cats in the wild, shifter females typically went into heat three times a year. Their hormone levels went insane, turning them into the proverbial cats in heat, and their scent became all but irresistible for shifter males. Different females reacted to the sudden sexual imperative in different ways. Birth control was taken care of with shots, so some women just enjoyed the marathon. Lila’s heats had never been as intense as some other girls she knew, but she still chose to seclude herself during that week, preferring not to run her life by her hormones.

Patch, however, had always taken it a step further. She disappeared. She went off into the wilderness on her own, far away from the temptation of any other shifters, and suffered out the heat in isolation. But if she was forced to stay here, for her own safety…

“Yeah. So not exactly the time of the year when I want to be hanging around a ton of shifter males. In fact…” Patch’s blush deepened until it covered every inch of visible skin. “I kind of—I kissed Roman last night.”

“You what?” Lila must have missed something. Patch couldn’t have said what she thought she just said.

It was like a dam had broken; Patch’s words gushed out. “I kissed Roman. Or he kissed me. I don’t know. There was leaning and then it just sort of happened. I was drunk and with my heat starting soon—it didn’t mean anything. I swear to God, Lila, it was nothing.”

“No, I understand.” She definitely understood. Hadn’t she done the same thing with Santiago, only without the excuse of going into heat? But why hadn’t Roman mentioned it? Was that what had brought on his sudden attack of loyalty this morning? Guilt to match hers?

“It will never happen again. I promise.”

“I’m not mad, Patch. By all means, have at him.”

That cut her friend off mid-apology. “What?”

“It doesn’t count, right? Anything that happens before the wedding—any accidental kissing of other people—that’s just sowing wild oats, right? Just a little pre-wedding fling. Totally normal. No harm done.”

And maybe if he falls in love with you, I won’t have to marry him.

The thought slithered across her brain, leaving a trail of guilt in its wake. Roman would never give up his position as the next Alpha, and no lion pride—no matter how many strays they were willing to take in—would accept an Alpha who mated across the species gap. Even if Roman decided not to marry Lila, he would have to pick a lion. If Patch fell for him, she’d only be setting herself up for heartbreak and Lila would never wish that for her best friend.

“Patch. You’ll be careful, won’t you? Roman can’t—”

“He’d never let himself be permanently attached to a cougar. I know.”

Lila reached across the table and took Patch’s hand, squeezing tight. “He’d be lucky to have you. Any man would. But with him as the Alpha…even if he were willing to overlook all the other obstacles…”

“I know, Lila. It was nothing. And that nothing is never happening again.”

“Good.”

Lila might be able to get away with dating a jaguar, but Roman would lose too much if he tried to take Patch as his mate.

Not that Lila was planning on dating a jaguar. She barely knew anything about him. Certainly not enough to tempt her away from her neatly ordered life. Just that he smelled of smoke and cinnamon and kissed like a man born to sin.

Patch had said he was looking for her and she really should speak to him. Smooth things over from last night. Apologize for blowing up at him, explain that there could be nothing more between them. Perhaps even offer to be friends. Her hormones might want more from him, but if she wanted to be close to him, friends was all she had to offer. He’d just have to accept that.

Lila frowned and reached for another forkful of brownie. She may not know Santiago well, but he didn’t seem like the kind of man who would accept just friends easily.