Killer Swell

21

The night after Kate ended our relationship on Catalina, I’d gone to the Criers’ house. I’m not sure what I planned on doing there. I wanted to see Kate, but I didn’t know what I was going to say to her. Probably something petty and immature. But I knew I wanted to see her.

Only she wasn’t there.

“Noah,” Emily said, opening the door. “Didn’t expect to see you.”

Emily had intimidated me in high school. The older, sexier sister who could flirt effortlessly without meaning anything by it.

Or so I thought.

“Is Kate here?” I asked.

She opened the door wider. She was wearing a black bikini top and a bright yellow towel wrapped around her waist, exposing the taut muscles in her stomach.

She shook her head. “She’s out with our parents. A few last-minute purchases before she leaves, I guess.”

I felt my shoulders sag at the mention of Kate’s leaving. “Oh.”

“She told me about last night,” Emily said. “I’m sorry.”

I shoved my hands deep into my shorts pockets. “Yeah, me, too.”

She pushed the door open wider. “You wanna come in? I was about to jump in the Jacuzzi. You can hang out till they get back.”

I stood there feeling dumb, embarrassed. I knew I didn’t have anything good to say to Kate. Whatever came out of my mouth was going to be either nasty or pathetic.

But I couldn’t make myself leave.

“Okay,” I said.

I followed her through the magnificent house that still felt unfamiliar to me, despite the countless hours I’d spent in it. We went downstairs to the enormous game room and out through the floor-to-ceiling sliders.

The Jacuzzi was at the far end of the pool, encircled by deep blue tiles and a concrete deck. The entire area provided a postcard view to the west, the Pacific Ocean seemingly at your fingertips and miles away at the same time.

Emily unwrapped her towel, dropped it on the deck, and slipped into the water, backlit by the lights embedded in the walls of the Jacuzzi. Her tan body looked like a shadow against the light blue of the bubbling water. She tilted her head back, submerging her long blond hair, then raised back up, pushing the hair away from her face toward the back of her head.

“You can come in if you want,” she said, settling on the bench that ran the length of the inside of the tub.

I stepped out of my sandals and sat down on the ledge, dropping my legs into the warm water. “I’m good here.”

She smiled. “So. You hate all of us now?”

I tried to laugh, but it came out as a snort. “No. I don’t hate anybody.”

“She didn’t have to break up with you.”

I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“I told her not to,” she said, letting her hands rest on top of the water. “You don’t deserve that, Noah. No one does.”

I nodded, letting my eyes drop, unable to look at her. “Yeah.”

“Of course, my parents are thrilled,” she said, her tone getting sharper. “Little Kate does the right thing again.”

I looked back up at her, shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter.”

She made a face and brought her hands together, a small wave of water splashing upward. “Gotta do what Mommy and Daddy say. Can’t think for ourselves.” She rolled her eyes. “Get chastised for that. Like me.”

Kate never shared with me much about the family dynamics in her home. I knew that Emily seemed more outgoing than Kate, but I had never seen it as anything more than that. Kate had never intimated that she felt like a favored child in her household, and I had always assumed that both girls were doted upon equally by both parents. Emily might’ve pushed the boundaries of her parents’ patience more-breaking curfew or spending money a little more freely-but it was nothing that I figured earned more than a hard stare from her mother or father.

But Emily’s tone suggested that maybe it was tougher than I knew to be the eldest Crier daughter.

“You were Kate’s first mistake,” she said.

I nodded, again looking away from her, again feeling the sting of the difference between my life and the Criers’.

Emily came across the water and touched my knee.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t have to say that.”

“It’s alright,” I mumbled.

“No, it’s not,” she said. “First my parents, then Kate. I don’t need to be the last member of the family to treat you like shit.”

I raised my eyes up and saw that she was closer than I expected, staring at me.

“It’s okay, Emily,” I said. “Really.”

Her hand squeezed my knee slightly, and I felt the sudden shift in whatever it was that was going on between us. Emily may have been a concerned older sister, but she was acting differently toward me. And I may have been the forlorn rejected boyfriend, but I wasn’t pushing her away.

“She’s stupid, Noah,” she said, moving closer so that I could feel her body against my leg. “She’s blowing it.”

The backyard was dark, save for the Jacuzzi lights illuminating us. The water lapped gently against the walls, and I was aware of how loud the stillness was.

“It’s fine,” I said, not looking away from her.

She shook her head slowly. “I’m not stupid.”

She pushed harder against my leg under the water for a moment, then pushed herself out of the water onto the edge of the deck, next to me.

“Let me show you,” she whispered, leaning into me.

Her mouth found mine, and I didn’t resist. My stomach twisted with both guilt and excitement. She pulled me down into the water, lifted my shirt over my head. I distinctly remember seeing it float in the water next to us.

She moved back away from me, and I followed her to the other side of the Jacuzzi. When I reached her, the black bikini top was gone.

We kissed again, harder this time, some of my anger at Kate pushing me. Groping, grabbing, wet. Kate wouldn’t have done this-she’d have been too worried about her parents finding us. Emily clearly didn’t mind being half-naked with me.

A noise at the far side of the yard snapped in the air and startled me.

I pulled away from Emily. “What was that?”

She wrapped her arms tighter around my neck. “I don’t know. I don’t care.” She twined her legs around mine, pushing hard against me. “Come on, Noah.”

I knew I needed to leave, to jump out of that water, to walk out of the Crier house and never look back. I was angry at Kate for leaving me behind, for having a better opportunity than I had, for not having told me the truth. I knew having sex with her older sister wasn’t going to solve my problems, alleviate my hurt. But I was also eighteen, pissed off at the world, and in a Jacuzzi with an attractive, willing girl.

Emily pressed her lips to my ear and whispered, “Come on.”

I pulled away. “I gotta go.”

She clung to me. “No you don’t.”

I untangled myself from her arms, water splashing around us, and pushed up onto the step and out of the Jacuzzi.

I turned around to her, water dripping off me onto the deck. “I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

My shirt was to her right in the water. She grabbed it, wadded it up, and flung it at me. “Figures. Whatever.” Her mouth twisted sourly like she’d bit into something awful. “See you later.”

I caught the wet shirt but didn’t put it on. I turned and walked back through the house, out the front door, and down to my car.

I don’t know why I left that night. I was furious at Kate, at her parents, and Emily was a willing participant. But something about it didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the fear of being caught. Maybe I just couldn’t get over how I felt about Kate.

But walking away from Emily felt like the right thing to do that night.

Eleven years later, though, staying with Emily felt like the only thing to do.