Killing Cousins

Five

A half-hour had passed before he came. The little ivory clock on Willie’s dressing table said exactly nine-thirty when the doorbell downstairs began to ring, and she continued to sit on the edge of the bed in the belief that Quincy would surely show enough initiative to open the door and come in, but he didn’t. After an interval of silence, the bell began to ring again, and Willie got up and went out into the hall and started downstairs, and she was almost all the way down when she became aware that she was still wearing the thin blue nightgown that was practically nothing. She should have dressed, she thought, for she didn’t want to get Quincy unnecessarily agitated or diverted from the business at hand, but it was too late now. If she took the time to go back and put on clothes, or even a robe, it was entirely possible that Quincy, who was an impatient little devil, might tire of waiting and go away. On bare feet, her bright nails shining, she crossed the lower hall to the front door and let Quincy in.

“Well,” he said, staring at her, “it’s apparent that Howard’s not here, as you said.”

“To be honest,” she said, “I only told you half the truth. It’s not true that he’s not here, but it’s true that you needn’t worry about it.”

“On the contrary, I’m worried already. Goodbye, please.”

“Oh, let me explain, Quincy. Please don’t be such a coward.”

“I’m not a coward. I’m a realist. I’m little and Howard’s big, and it’s only sensible to stay out of his way until I know how he intends to behave.”

“Damn it, Quincy, if you will only be quiet for just a minute! There’s no need to worry about Howard because he’s dead.”

For an instant Quincy merely looked slightly stupid, which was a way Quincy rarely looked, but then his eyes began to shine, and Willie could tell that he was intensely interested, although somewhat leery.

“That’s a refreshing way to look at it,” he said.

“Oh, you know what I mean. I mean he can’t beat you up or make trouble for you or do anything like that.”

“If he’s dead, he certainly can’t beat me up, but there’s a chance he could make a hell of a lot more trouble for me than he ever could alive. You wouldn’t pull my leg, would you, Cousin?”

“Certainly not. It’s no joking matter. I tell you Howard’s up in his room dead on the floor, and that’s what I wanted to see you about. I want you to advise me what to do with him.”

“I’m not sure I should. In fact, I’m sure I ought to turn around and get the hell out of here.”

“You can desert me if you choose, but I didn’t think you’d ever do it when I was in trouble and needed you.”

His eyes were shining brighter and brighter, and it was obvious that he was excited. He was breathing faster than normal, and he began to pick at his lower lip with the thumb and index finger of his right hand.

“I’ll admit I find the situation challenging,” he said. “Do you mind if I go up and have a look at old Howard?”

“Not at all,” she said. “I’ll show you the way.”

She went ahead of him up the stairs in her thin gown, and this was something that would certainly have been quite a diversion at another time, but now he was affected only to the degree of making a vague sort of mental note that it was something that might be attended to later. They went into Willie’s room and through the bathroom into Howard’s room, and Quincy walked over and bent over Howard and examined him intently for several seconds.

“He’s dead, all right,” he said. “Old Howard’s dead enough.”

“Of course he’s dead. He’s been dead for hours.”

“That’s apparent from his condition. Rigor mortis, I mean. Old Howard’s stiff as a board.” Quincy straightened up and nudged the body gently with a toe. “Rigor mortis is quite an interesting phenomenon, you know. Doctors frequently estimate the time of death from it. It’s caused by coagulation of proteins in the muscles, and generally lasts about twenty-four hours. When did old Howard die, exactly?”

“It was about two o’clock, I think. I don’t remember very clearly when it was I got home, or how long afterward it was when he died.”

“Well, it will certainly be after midnight, anyhow, before old Howard begins to limber up. He will require that long to reach a sufficiently advanced state of bacterial decomposition and essential acidity.”

“Damn it, Quincy, is it necessary to be quite so clinical?”

“It does no harm to think precisely, especially if you are trying to avoid being hanged. In my judgment, Howard was shot through the heart by a small-caliber gun.”

“There’s no need to exercise your judgment about it at all. He was shot with the little revolver he kept in the drawer of the table beside his bed, and I shot him.”

“I assumed as much. Very neatly done too, Cousin. I didn’t dream that you were such a sharpshooter.”

“It was an accident, really. I couldn’t do it again in a million years.”

“No matter. The big thing about having killed someone is that it’s never necessary to do it again. If you don’t mind my asking, what compelled you to shoot old Howard? He was a rather inoffensive fellow, to be fair about it, and I should have thought under the circumstances, if someone was going to shoot someone, that it would have happened just the other way around.”

“Well, he was packing when I got home, as you can see by the bag on the bed and the two on the floor that he’d already packed before. He simply wouldn’t listen to reason and was determined to leave me, and so I got the gun and shot him to prevent it.”

“There’s a certain convincing illogic in that, Cousin. I believe you.”

“Why shouldn’t you believe me? It’s the simple truth. Anyhow, I can’t see what’s to be gained by talking and talking about it. Howard’s dead, and I killed him, and the question is, What’s to be done about it?”

“You’re right. That’s the question. You have got yourself into a tough spot, Cousin.”

“Please don’t lecture me as if I were a child or something, Quincy. I know very well that I’m in a difficult position, and that’s why I asked you to come over and advise me. You’re very clever, as everyone knows, and I was certain that you could think of something helpful.”

“Thanks very much. Incidentally, of course, I can make myself an accessory after the fact of murder.”

“I must say, Quincy, that you’re being a big disappointment to me. If you’re going to start weasling and trying to think of every possible reason for not helping me, you had just as well go away at once and leave me to do the best I can without you.”

Quincy turned and walked over to the bed and sat down. He did not seem to be offended in the least by the charge of weasling. He sat staring at Howard, and all the while Willie stood and stared at Quincy, and she knew from his shining eyes, in spite of what he might say, that he was still interested and excited and would surely help her for the satisfaction of being clever, if for no other reason. He kept picking at his lower lip, and was apparently thinking intently.

“Let’s consider the possibilities,” he said. “To begin with, we must either explain Howard or remove him. Explaining him at this stage of the game would be, I’m afraid, extremely difficult, if not impossible. Consider the position of self-defense, for instance. You might have assumed such a position if you’d acted in time. Old Howard was drunk. He was furious. He was temporarily out of a mind that was not too reliable at best. He threatened to kill you, and came at you with the clear intent. In fear of your life, you snatched the little gun out of the drawer and shot him. This would have required some preparation and some pretty good acting, but it would have required most of all that you call the cops at once. After all, old Howard is hardly smoking from death and violence lately done. As a matter of fact, he’s cold as a stone and stiff as a board. I’m afraid it would prejudice your case when it became known that you calmly lay down and had a good night’s sleep after doing old Howard in. I’m bound to tell you, Cousin, that you’ve bungled the business badly in the matter of establishing the basis of an acceptable explanation.”

“You needn’t be smug and critical, just the same. After what happened, besides all the drinks at the Club, you could hardly expect me to think clearly.”

“I was merely making an observation, Cousin, and it must be repeated in other connections. Let’s consider the case for an accident. Old Howard was just the kind of lubberly fathead who would be likely to have an accident if he started fooling around with a gun or anything the least dangerous. You could have made a beautiful case for an accident if you had thought clearly and acted promptly. I admit that there would have been certain technical difficulties, such as the absence of powder burn and the position of the wound, but they could have been avoided or surmounted, especially if you had consulted me in time. Almost any imbecility would have been believed of Howard. Any number of people would have testified that he was just the one to kill himself accidentally in a way that would have been impossible to anyone else. There’s no use thinking about it now, however; it’s much too late.”

“Couldn’t I say I didn’t hear the shot and didn’t discover Howard until today? After all, he was home before me and slept in a different room, and it would have been entirely possible. I frequently didn’t see him from one night to the next.”

“No, no.” Quincy shook his head and pinched his lips. “It would require the doing of certain things that can’t now be done. It would be too risky by far. It’s a shame you didn’t think of creating a burglar or a mysterious stranger. They’re always good and have often been used.”

“Well, come to think of it, it’s quite futile to consider any of these things, for I’ve just remembered that Howard’s mother called an hour or so ago, and I told her that I’d seen Howard and that he’d left me.”

“Damn it, Willie, it was damn inconsiderate of you to let me go on and on evaluating possibilities that were not possibilities at all.”

“I didn’t mean to be inconsiderate. I simply forgot temporarily that she’d called, that’s all. You’re pretty touchy this morning, Quincy, if you ask me. I hope you’re not going to take advantage of me just because I’m in trouble and need your help.”

“Not at all. I only ask you to understand that this kind of mental work calls for a special aptitude and is, moreover, considerably more exhausting than digging ditches. I don’t appreciate being put to any unnecessary effort.”

“All right, all right. Mother Hogan called, and I’m sorry I didn’t remember to tell you.”

“Good. Now that you’ve remembered, it’s evident that there is only one thing to do. Howard must be disposed of.”

“That was my opinion from the start, but I couldn’t think of any way to accomplish it. It’s simply incredible, the problems involved in disposing of someone secretly. Do you have a suggestion?”

“I read an account once of a man who reduced a friend to small pieces and put him in cold storage in neat little packages. Afterward he was able to dispose of him a package at a time. However, this would be messy and tedious and take up more time than I care to give to Howard. Besides, this man was caught, which doesn’t speak well for the method.”

“Oh, do be sensible, Quincy. Surely you aren’t serious.”

Quincy didn’t answer. Perhaps he didn’t hear, He got up and walked around the room, pinching his lip and looking at things with shining eyes. After a while he stopped beside Howard and inspected him for a moment thoughtfully, and then he moved back to the bed and sat down again.

“Of course, we might take him apart and ship him somewhere in a trunk or a large box, but the experience of others has shown the consequences of this to be inevitably disastrous.”

“Quincy, I simply will not tolerate taking Howard apart or reducing him to small pieces.”

“I see. Since he was your husband, I suppose it’s to be expected that you’d feel a certain amount of sentiment for him. It doesn’t matter, anyhow, for I’ve decided what to do. You’ve told my stupid aunt that Howard left you. This was actually what Howard planned to do, as evidenced by the bag here on the bed and the two on the floor. Very well. We get rid of the bags and Howard together, and it is clear to all that the bounder has simply deserted. We must make the thing convincing, of course. We will have to manufacture a few more bits of evidence to support it.”

“Excuse me, Quincy, but I can’t see that we are a bit ahead. We’re still left with the problem of disposing of Howard.”

“True. I’m thinking about it. In spite of the temptation to do something unusual and elaborate, I think we had better make use of one of the tried and proven methods. Bodies, Cousin, are normally disposed of by cremation or burial. Since we do not have facilities for cremating old Howard, we must bury him. Nothing is needed for that except a spade and a small plot of ground.”

“What plot of ground exactly? We can hardly bury him in the back yard.”

“Leave it to me, Cousin. It so happens that I have an uncle on my mother’s side who lives on a little farm southwest of town. I used to go swimming in the creek there when I was a kid. I still go out to see the old boy once in a while, as a matter of fact. He’s a bachelor and a kind of bum and tells the most fabulous lies that you are expected to accept as gospel. There’s a back way onto the farm, a little road around a cornfield and through a pasture to the creek. We can find a spot in there that will do nicely for Howard. I wouldn’t mind being buried there myself, to tell the truth, if I had the misfortune to be dead.”

“Won’t it be risky? Suppose we’re caught.”

“After we get there, the risk will be negligible, and fortunately for us, this phony neighborhood you live in is made to order for such a venture. What with the big yards all cluttered up with trees and brush and stuff like that, we should be able to get Howard out of here without anyone but us the wiser. We simply load him in your station wagon in the garage and haul him off. It will have to be done late tonight, I think. Old Howard won’t stay sweet much longer.”

“Do you honestly think anyone will believe that Howard walked away and disappeared without a word to anyone?”

“As to that, it’s our part to make it impossible to believe anything else. Old Howard was a nut in his own way, you know. I’ve heard him say myself that he intended to run away someday to the South Seas and live naked with the natives. He used to say it publicly every time he got loaded. One thing we must do is get rid of his new Buick. Is it in the garage?”

“Yes, it’s there with the station wagon.”

“Good. Tonight, after burying Howard, I’ll get rid of it. Then everyone will think he simply drove off in it.”

“Are you sure you’re not trying to be a little too clever, Quincy? I’ve read that being too clever is the thing that generally trips one up in the end.”

“Well, I’m like Tom Sawyer in that respect. If you’re going to have an adventure, you may as well dress it up and make it worth while. Are you beginning to question my talent, Cousin?”

“I would only like to know how you propose to get rid of a Buick automobile. It was difficult enough to think of a way of disposing of Howard. After all, Quincy, an automobile is too big to bury.”

“In the disposal of the Buick, my mother’s side of the family will come in handy again. I have a cousin in KC who has made a career of stealing automobiles. At the beginning of his career, he served three years at Jefferson City for it, but since then he has perfected his methods and has had no more serious problems. He has an established market for stolen automobiles, and I’m certain he’d do me the favor of stealing Howard’s. All I need to do is slip it away from here in the dark and drive to KC and let this cousin know where he can pick it up. Naturally we’d have to allow him all the profit, but the service would be worth it. The Buick would be repainted and fixed up with phony papers and wind up getting sold in California or someplace like that.”

Willie stared at Quincy with overt admiration and gratitude. It was simply incredible, she thought, how such an ugly, burr-headed runt could be so diversified and talented. He was better at love than a Boccaccio monk, as she well knew, and here he was as cool and clever in a crisis as anyone could possibly be.

“I swear to God, Quincy,” she said, “you’re truly remarkable, and I don’t mind saying so. You’re literally full of good ideas, and you know helpful people of all kinds that no one would ever suspect you of knowing.”

“Most of them are relatives on my mother’s side,” Quincy said. “All in all, the Hogans are a dull tribe.”

She was slightly annoyed by his complacency, and the feeling of annoyance must have pricked her to a higher kind of criticism, for something immediately occurred to her that seemed such an egregious oversight on his part that it made her uneasy about everything else he had suggested.

“Quincy,” she said, “it’s all very well to make clever plans about disposing of Howard and the bags and the Buick, but who is going to believe that he would go off without making any financial arrangements whatever?”

She was quite proud of having thought of this, for it seemed to her a very important consideration, but Quincy was clearly not in the least impressed. His attitude of complacency became, if anything, somewhat more pronounced, and she could see that he had not overlooked the matter of finances at all, but obviously was holding something in reserve with respect to them.

“Cousin,” he said, “this raises a point that may shake you up. My position at the bank has put me in possession of a bit of intelligence of which you are apparently ignorant. The fact is that old Howard, only yesterday, wiped out your joint savings account in the amount of $10,587.27, and cashed, at the same time, somewhat more than $9,000 worth of government bonds, face value, at least half of them matured.”

“What?” she said. “What’s that?”

“It’s true. I didn’t handle the transaction myself, but I made it my business to learn the facts.”

“Why in the world would he do such a thing? Do you suppose he’s been gambling or something?”

“Howard? Fat chance. In my opinion, Cousin, old Howard was planning to do exactly what we are planning to make him appear to have done. Our little indiscretion last night may have caused him to advance his time of departure a few hours or days, but it was not really the precipitating factor at all. Old Howard was getting out in any event.”

“Well, what a damn dirty trick. I’ve never before heard of anything so deceitful in my life. Whoever would have thought Howard capable of such a deception?”

“You’d better be thankful that he was. As it is, our case is supported nicely, and you could hardly have picked a better time to do old Howard in if you had planned it deliberately.”

“It’s easy enough for you to be philosophical, Quincy. You can afford it, I suppose, since you haven’t been deprived of almost $20,000.”

“Fortunately for you, old Howard was the kind of fathead who puts everything in the sort of husband-and-wife joint ownership that makes it possible for either to tap the till without the concurrence of the other. The twenty grand is legally as much yours as his. All you need to do is keep it.”

“I’d be happy to keep it if only I knew where to find it.”

“Well, that’s a problem we should now apply ourselves to. First, I’ll just have a look in old Howard’s wallet. He certainly couldn’t have all the money there, of course, but any part of it is at least a beginning.”

He went over and deftly explored pockets with light fingers. From the inside pocket of Howard’s jacket he extracted the wallet, and from the wallet several crisp bills.

“Eight hundred,” he said, after counting. “I judge that the rest is in the smaller of the packed bags on the floor.”

“So far as I can see,” Willie said, “it might just as well be in the larger one.”

“No. Old Howard would have wanted to keep that much cash pretty close to hand. The smaller bag would be easier to lug about, and that’s where he probably put it.”

He opened the bag, and there, sure enough, it was. It was in a heavy Manila envelope, 9 × 12, and Quincy handed the envelope to Willie, together with the eight hundred, and closed the bag again.

“All this money!” Willie said. “It’s simply incredible that Howard intended playing me such a dirty trick.”

“Well, it hardly matters,” Quincy said, “since it turned out in the end to be a favor. Incidentally, now that you have the money, it will be necessary for me to have about three hundred for expenses.”

“Expenses? Whatever for? I hope you aren’t going to start blackmailing me, Quincy.”

“Don’t be absurd, Cousin. What’s the need for blackmail between two reasonable people who enjoy such amiable relations as you and I? I have to make a little trip, that’s all, and I’ll need to fly in order to save time. Since I’m doing it for your sake, you surely don’t expect me to pay my own way.”

“I simply don’t see the necessity for making a trip. Where are you going?”

“Dallas, Texas, I think, would be as good a place as any. Old Howard is going to send you a letter from there, Cousin, and under the circumstances, as you can see from examining Howard, I’ll have to go down there and mail it for him.”

“It seems like a long way to go just to mail a letter.”

“A husband on the run, Cousin, could hardly write from the next town. I can leave KC tomorrow after arranging matters with my maternal cousin about the Buick, and with luck I should be back and safely in my cage at the bank by Monday morning. If I’m delayed and a little late, you can rely on me to make an acceptable excuse.”

Willie looked at him dubiously with a recurrence of the uneasy feeling. It seemed to her that he was enjoying himself a little too much, and he seemed determined to elaborate everything as much as possible. She did not object to his getting pleasure from his efforts, for he had surely earned it, but she didn’t want him to come a cropper over his own cleverness. She would have felt a little easier in her mind, in fact, if he had not exuded such perfect self-confidence.

“You are welcome to the money,” she said, “if you really think it essential to go.”

“Thanks, Cousin.” He took the money, three hundred dollars, and shoved it into a pocket as he walked to the door. “I’ll be back tonight. Ten o’clock or thereabout. Be certain that there are no obstructions in the way of what must be done. In the meanwhile, I hardly think it’s necessary to emphasize the importance of not letting anyone get a glimpse of old Howard there.”

“I’m not quite an idiot, Quincy,” she said indignantly. “I can see the importance of that as clearly as you.”