Kiss Me If You Dare

23

“Feeling better this morning?” Puppa asked, slathering cream cheese on a bagel.

I gave a shrug and sifted through the fridge, not really sure what I was looking for. I squinted to see through my dark sunglasses. It would take more than ice to bring down the swelling around my eyes. Especially since I hadn’t really even stopped crying yet. I’d even cried in my sleep. At this rate, I’d have to wear sunglasses the rest of my life.

“I talked to Sam this morning and we decided it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to see him yet,” Puppa said between bites.

I shut the fridge door. “See who?”

“Brad.”

I crossed my arms and pursed my lips. Tears squeezed out from behind my glasses. I didn’t feel like tromping through six inches of snow to see a headstone. That would make it too real. “I agree.”

“We’ll have to bring the idea up slowly. Let him get used to the possibility that his Tish is still alive. Otherwise it could be too much of a shock.”

I’d been going for the coffeepot, but my arm hung in mid-reach as his words sunk in. I swung around. “What are you saying? Brad’s not dead?”

He got a startled look on his face. “No. Brad’s… alive. Did you think he was…” He stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I thought you realized. But, of course. You must have left before they revived him.”

“Brad’s alive.” I repeated the words. “Brad’s alive.” My heart launched into wild thumping. Black prickles danced before my eyes.

“Sit down.” Puppa led me to the dining room and into a chair. “Take it easy. Just breathe.”

I cast the sunglasses away and cradled my head in my arms. Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Could I take any more of this emotional turmoil? First he was dead, then he’s alive. Brad was alive!

The room swam when I lifted my head. “Take me to him. I want to see Brad.”

Puppa patted my back. “Let’s give it more time. Sam can drop by there today and see how he’s doing. It could be awhile before he gets used to the idea and agrees to see you.”

“What?” I laughed in disbelief. “Of course he wants to see me. He’ll be so happy. He’ll be ecstatic. Come on, let’s go.” I ignored the ringing in my ears and pulled Puppa toward the back door.

He dragged behind, then grabbed my arm and stopped me. “Patricia. Wait. Things are… different for Brad now.”

“You’re right. We’re not dead, either one of us. We’re both still alive.” My voice was giddy. I was breathless with joy.

“Brad’s body is still alive, yes. And his mind. But his spirit…” Grandfather squeezed my hands. “He’s given up on life. He has no will to live. He’s dying, Patricia.”

“What do you mean, he’s dying?” I blinked in confusion. “His injuries… your supposed death… it was all too much for him. He’s barely hanging on.”

“Then I’m here just in time. When he sees me, sees that I’m still alive, he’ll want to live again. He’ll want to live so we can be together.”

Puppa gave a weary sigh. “No. It’s not that simple. Having you see him in his condition may just set off a downward spiral he’ll never pull out of. Physically, emotionally, he’s not the Brad you remember. I don’t know how else to put it.”

I batted his arm. “Not my Brad? Of course he is. And knowing that he’s not well makes me want to see him more.”

A swift shake of his head. “Things didn’t look good for Brad the day he got shot. But they managed to revive him on the way to the hospital. Thank God for modern medicine. Surgery saved him, but his spinal cord was nicked by the bullet. He should have experienced paralysis only to the lower half of his body. That would have been enough of a hurdle to overcome. But once he found out you were dead, he was adamant there was feeling only from the neck up. Tests showed everything should have worked down to his hips, but you can’t make a man want to live. We tried for a while. Samantha tried, Joel tried, I tried. The hospital finally discharged him, suggesting we provide hospice care. So there he lies at River’s Edge, wasting away. Waiting to die.”

“I don’t believe it. That doesn’t sound like Brad. I mean, Brad’s the guy who got me going to church. Seeking God. Trusting Jesus. He can’t just give up on life.”

“No one could have predicted this. But good health was important to Brad. He worked out, ate right. That bullet changed everything. Even the best of us can suffer depression after a blow like that. And then to lose your fiancée too.”

“Not fiancée. Girlfriend. It wasn’t official.”

“I think it was official in his mind.”

I sniffled. “It’s good to hear that.” I cleared my throat. “So what can I do to fix the situation? As his former wife-to-be, I’m not going to sit by and watch him languish.” “We can’t predict how he’ll react. We just have to take it slow. I’m sorry.”

I clung to him. “Take me to see him. Please. If I can’t be Tish, then I’ll be Tasha. I don’t care. I have to see him. Please let me see him.”

He scratched his head, thinking. “I don’t know. Sam wouldn’t be happy about it.”

“What is she, his keeper? I have as much right to Brad as she does. Brad loves me. He wants to marry me. We’re going to be together the rest of our lives and raise kids together and sit in our rockers on the front porch when we’re old.”

My voice rose along with my level of desperation. I shook Puppa by the arms. “I have the right to see him. You take me to see him!”

He wrapped me in a calming embrace. “Shhh. Everything’s going to be okay. I’ll take you to see him.”

I nodded into his shoulder, filled with relief. But behind the calm, a tinge of uncertainty crept in. If Brad was really the way Puppa described him, would I be enough to make him want to live again?

What if I wasn’t? My heart skipped a beat. Of course I’d be enough. Of course I would.

The road meandered through a residential area. Large two-stories and sprawling ranch homes were arranged in spacious order along the edge of the Manistique River. Puppa slowed as we crossed a snow-covered bridge. Below, swift-moving water flowed black against white banks.

Around the next curve, we came to a newer one-story institutional building disguised as a Georgian manor home.

RIVER’S EDGE ASSISTED LIVING, the sign read.

I bit my lip, gearing up for my first glimpse of Brad. “Don’t talk to him or get too close,” Puppa told me on the way over. “Just take a good look at him and come out. We’ll talk more then.”

We passed through a central gathering room with cathedral ceilings and tasteful décor in mint and mauve. Long hallways led off on two sides. Puppa followed plush carpeting down one hall to the last door on the left. He knocked.

A twenty-something man wearing blue scrubs and a buzz cut came to the door.

“Mr. Russo. Welcome. And who is your guest?” He ushered us into a small private living room and gestured toward two chairs. “Please have a seat.”

“Thanks, Austin.” Puppa sat.

I took the other chair.

A kitchenette was built into one corner of the room. Austin sat on the edge of the counter.

Puppa spoke. “This is Tasha Stewart. She’d like to observe Brad for a few moments.”

“Oh? A student at Bay?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, going along with his theory that I attended Bay de Noc Community College in Escanaba. “Physical therapy.”

“I’m afraid Mr. Walters will be a disappointment for you,” Austin said. “He’s refused therapy. He may never regain his strength.”

I gasped, then quickly composed myself. I nudged the sunglasses up on my nose. “Just have to take a few notes, make a couple observations. I’ll only stay a moment.”

“I’m sorry, he’s sleeping right now and doesn’t care for company. If you’d like to come back later, I can see if he’s willing to help you with your project.”

“No.” The word popped out more quickly than I’d planned. “I’d rather make my observations while he’s sleeping if that’s okay. He doesn’t even have to know I was here.”

Austin hesitated. “It’s probably not a good idea. You know how he can be, Mr. Russo.” He looked at Puppa as if hoping he’d take the hint and get me out of there.

Puppa gave him a determined look. “If he’s sleeping, what can it hurt? Go ahead in, Tasha.”

I stepped toward the door. Austin made a move to follow me.

“Let her go alone, Austin. She doesn’t bite,” Puppa said.

Austin looked panicked, like he’d be held accountable if he let a stranger in to see his client without proper escort.

But at Puppa’s smile of reassurance, Austin calmed down and gave me the sign to go in.

Puppa gave me a stern glance. “Remember what I told you.”

I nodded and turned the doorknob. Stepping inside, I removed my sunglasses, clutching them in one hand. My eyes took a moment to adjust. Dim light filtered in where the blackout shade gapped from the window. I pressed the door closed behind me, careful not to make noise. A bed, a chair, and a dresser took shape in the darkness. I moved a step toward the lump under the covers and stopped, recalling Puppa’s warning.

I stood and listened to the sound of Brad’s breathing. Eyes closed, I basked in the gentle rhythm. I hadn’t heard that sound in seven months. And if he’d died that day, I would never have heard it again. Now to think he’d lost his will to live and wanted to die… I felt like racing to the bed and shaking him. Life was too short. Life was too precious to waste like that.

Another step closer. What could it hurt? His breathing hitched and I half expected Brad to sit up. But the rhythm resumed and I bent my face close to his, studying the sight that had kept me going during my exile. The promise of seeing those eyes crinkled in laughter once more had brought me through the long months of separation.

His face took shape in the gloom. Black lashes lay in soft slumber along his lower lid. How often had I pictured those same full lashes surrounding the eyes of my imaginary daughter? And there was that broad forehead I loved to press against my cheek. The strong arch of his brow led to a staunch nose and gentle lips… while I stared, his mouth twitched, as if begging to be reunited with mine.

Oh, Brad, I whispered in my mind. Wake up and love me and everything will be okay.

He was so close. Right there in front of me, only a breath away. My love, my groom, the father of my children yet to come…

I leaned forward and softly pressed my lips against his, nearly fainting at the rush of emotion. His skin felt exactly as I remembered, smelled of the same subtle musk. I was with him again. I was with Brad, touching his lips, feeling the heat of his body.

A tear coursed down my cheek, making a tink as it landed on his pillow.

A sharp breath sounded in my ear. I gasped and pulled back, horrified to see Brad’s eyes open, looking at me in outrage.

“Who are you?”

My eardrums echoed with the bellowing words. I went scuttling to the far wall.

The door flew open and Austin dashed in. “Everything okay, Mr. Walters?”

“Who is she?” Brad thundered again. He made no move to get up, instead allowing his writhing face muscles to express fury.

Austin shooed me out the door. “Just some pesky student working on a report. Sorry she disturbed you, sir.”

The door slammed closed behind me, Austin remaining inside to calm his client.

In the living room, still seated in his chair, Puppa smiled and wagged his finger at me. “I told you not to get close to him.”

I blushed at my own audacity. “I thought he was sleeping.” “You kissed him, didn’t you?”

I gave him a frown. “You say that like you knew I would.” I wagged a finger back in his direction. “Dirty old man.”

“It’s good for him. Let him start thinking about the good stuff in life. That’ll give him a reason to live.” Puppa chuckled.

“I’d probably be okay with it if I’d gone in there as myself. But I don’t want him fantasizing about some chick with black hair.”

“Come on,” Puppa said, grabbing my hand and practically skipping out the door with me. “We did enough damage for one day.”