Knock Me Off My Feet

Chapter 9

As they trolled for a parking spot along the Beverly side streets, Audie suddenly changed her mind. She was no longer annoyed that Quinn had spent the entire drive trying to explain who would be here today and how they were related and/or connected to his family.

She was glad. Because the street was packed. She could already hear the noise-the music, the loud voices, the sounds of kids screeching.

If only she'd taken notes. If only Marjorie could have come along to create one of her helpful computer-generated charts. Because without notes or a chart, there was no way Audie was going to remember any of this. Despite Quinn's efforts, she was doomed.

They finally found a spot on Campbell Avenue, and the moment Audie got out of Quinn's light blue Ford Crown Victoria, she noticed it was just one among many unmarked police cars.

She took a deep breath and joined Quinn in the middle of the street. He reached for her hand and they walked south for a couple of blocks.

"Welcome to the family manse," he said, nodding toward a simple two-story yellow brick house shaded by a large catalpa tree.

The Quinn home had dark green shutters, a small concrete stoop, and neatly trimmed hedges and grass-nothing frilly, just tidy and clean.

Audie wondered if it had looked different when Quinn's mother was alive, whether she put little pots of geraniums on the steps or hung a pretty wreath on the door. She wondered what she'd been like.

"Da's not much of a gardener," Quinn said. "When Ma was alive, she always put flowers in the window boxes."

Not for the first time, Audie wondered if the guy could hear her thoughts. Stanny-O had said Quinn was a careful listener, after all.

They turned down the shaded walkway along the side of the house and moved toward the back gate. Audie squeezed Quinn's hand tightly when she got a glimpse of the small backyard packed with people.

"They don't bite, Audie," he said gently. "Well, maybe Michael, but he says he's up-to-date on his shots."

She tried to smile.

"They're going to love you."

As he reached for the latch, Audie noticed a large hand-painted plaque wired to the gate. The words had to be Gaelic, because she had no idea what they meant.

She pointed and cocked her head and Quinn smiled broadly.

"Cead mile failte." The words fell off his tongue like a lover's whisper, and Audie was stunned by the beauty of his voice. "One hundred thousand welcomes."

Quinn leaned toward her and placed his hand on the small of her back while planting a friendly kiss on her cheek. "Ready to party, Homey?"

"Ready, Stacey."

The first person to see them at the gate was Quinn's brother the priest. Well, it was probably best to get the most awkward one over with first, Audie thought to herself.

On the drive down, she'd confided to Quinn that she had no earthly idea what to say to a Catholic priest-she'd never met one in her life. Was she allowed to say the word hell? How about damn? What if she accidentally used God's name in vain and Pat heard her? Did he know she wasn't Catholic? Did he know she wasn't really anything?

Quinn had chuckled at her nervousness. "Don't sweat it, Homey. Pat's a regular guy, all right? He's been a priest for six years, but he's been my brother for thirty-one, and that's who he'll be today."

As Audie watched Patrick stride toward the gate-all smile and sparkling eyes-she knew, of course, that Quinn was right. That man was definitely his brother. He just happened to be dressed in a short-sleeved black dress shirt and a white priest's collar.

"Audie?" He opened the gate. "It's great to meet you. I'm Pat."

She felt herself exhale in relief as he shook her hand. His eyes were strikingly similar to Quinn's but softer, and his hand was warm and firm, and he just kept smiling at her.

The next person to see them was Michael-a stocky guy in a T-shirt that read: "Will Golf for Food." His smile was huge and his piercing light blue eyes danced with laughter.

"And you must be Audie!" He took her hand and leaned down to kiss it, grinning at Quinn the whole time.

Before Audie could respond, the horde descended on them. Within seconds, she and Quinn were pressed into the middle of a mob of faces and a little girl was hanging on Audie's left leg and there were hands to shake and names to repeat and laughing-so much loud laughing it made her head spin.

Before she could catch her breath, the sea parted and she was scooped up into the arms of a man-definitely not the one she came with. She felt his deep voice and rowdy laugh rumble from inside his chest as her face was squished against his polo shirt, her lungs nearly collapsing from the force of his embrace.

When he held her out in front of him, she saw Jamie Quinn.

"It's grand that you could make it, Audie. We've heard so much about you."

And apparently, that was all it took to fit in at a party at the Quinns'. And as Jamie brought his arm protectively around her shoulder and guided her into the yard, she felt welcomed-one hundred thousand times over.

She felt right at home.

"Get your own girl, Da," she heard Quinn say from the other side of his father's bulk. "This one's mine."

There were basically three categories of people at Little Pat's sixth birthday party, and as soon as Audie broke it down that way, the fog began to clear.

There were cops and their families, people of direct or roundabout family connections, and people from the neighborhood. Stanny-O showed up not long after she and Quinn arrived, bearing a box of Frango Mints and a case of Old Style.

Audie was sitting at a tablecloth-covered card table with Quinn's sister-in-law, Sheila, who had provided the detailed play-by-play for her.

"And that's Belinda Egan from two houses up-her claim to fame is coming back from a vacation in Mexico last winter with some kind of worm lodged in her brain, from the pork, they think." Sheila's deep blue eyes sparkled in her pretty pixie face. "Six hours of surgery-awake the whole time. Can you believe it?"

"Wow," Audie said.

"That's Ricky and Cindy Panutto-Ricky is Michael's best friend from Loyola Law School." Sheila craned her neck a bit to the right. "That's Esther O'Fallon, Jamie's older sister-her husband Jim died a few years ago. That's Bill and Tava Reingold-Bill was Jamie's partner for close to thirty years. And that's-oomph!"

The little girl who'd clung to Audie's leg had just hurled herself into her mother's lap.

"Mommy! Little Pat and Joey are peeing on the side of the house!"

"What?" Sheila stood up and shot Audie a smile, then started laughing. "I know I shouldn't laugh, but I can't help it. Excuse me-be right back."

Audie watched Sheila run off across the yard in her shorts and sneakers, weaving through the crowd, her nearly black curls flying behind her.

"What are you looking at?" Kiley's fiercely intelligent violet eyes scanned Audie up and down.

"I was looking at your mother. I think she's very nice and very pretty, and you look just like her, do you know that?"

Kiley's smile overwhelmed her face as she nodded. "My mommy is nice and pretty. So are you. Do you love Uncle Stacey?"

"Wha…?"Audie wasn't used to young children. Were they all this blunt, or was it just Kiley's Quinn-ness showing?

"Well, we're friends. I like him very much and I think he likes me. Do you have friends like that?"

Kiley scrunched up her face. "Heather Morrelli was my friend, but she called me a double butt face the other day."

"I see."Audie took a sip of iced tea, realizing that this was one of those times when grown-ups shouldn't laugh. "And what did you say to that?"

Kiley scrunched up her face and thought about it. "I told her I deserved to be treated with respick."

"Respick?"

"Yes. Respick. Do you want to watch me get my treatment, Audie?"

Audie inclined her head and frowned "Wha…?"

"Sorry. Pissing contest." Sheila scooped up Kiley from her chair and set her back on the grass. "Why don't you go play with the McConnell girls for a little bit? Go blow the stink off you. Your next one is at four o'clock, OK?"

"Bye, Audie," the little girl said, and Audie watched her skip away.

Sheila sighed, settling her petite body into the lawn chair and crossing her legs. "Actually, it was not only a pissing contest, but they were comparing size. I fear for Little Pat's future. I really do. All the Quinns are too macho for their own good."

"Testosterone poisoning," Audie said.

Sheila's bright eyes landed right on Audie's and she nodded appreciatively. "You're familiar with the disorder?"

"I noticed Stacey has a fatal case of it."

"That he does," Sheila said with a giggle. "Well, I've got to say, Audie, you're doing quite well for your first Quinn hoedown." She poured them both more iced tea. "In fact, I think it was right about now that I started running for the car, not stopping to pick up any of my personal belongings. But of course, Patricia was alive back then." She wagged a dark eyebrow.

"What was she like? Thanks." Audie took a refreshing sip of tea and scanned the crowd. She spotted Quinn with a group of guys by the fence arguing about something and laughing. He was wearing a pair of khaki shorts, a baggy blue-and-white Hawaiian shirt, and a White Sox cap, and he looked adorable. Cute and approachable and fun and huggable-except for the gun she knew was tacked into his waistband.

Quinn's eyes moved from his friends and landed right on her, flashing under the brim of his cap. Then one corner of his lips twitched, and Audie was instantly transported to the moment they had met in the WBBS studio. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

She felt herself blush. She smiled at him quickly and looked away before she embarrassed him-or herself.

"Trish was a good person," Sheila was saying. "I'm sure Stacey told you all about her Homey Helen fixation."

"He did," Audie said with a nod. "And he seems to have inherited it."

Sheila let loose with a big laugh. "Yes, he did, and my God, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish Michael had some of that in him! I love him to death, but the man is a pig."

Audie giggled until she saw Sheila's expression sour.

"Trish was one tough cookie, let me tell you. She loved her sons very much, and she put me through the wringer before Michael and I got married." She shook her head at the memory. "We lived together in sin, you know, careening down the fast lane to purgatory."

Audie nodded, her eyes wide.

"I think I broke her in for any woman who might be lucky enough to end up with Stacey, but she died before that happened."

"Was she ill a long time?"

"About six months." Sheila let her eyes scan the crowd for a moment before she looked at Audie. "It was skin cancer and it had spread to her lungs. When she got sick, she got real sick and stayed that way."

"I'm sorry."

Sheila nodded quietly. "Jamie was lost at first. He seems to be doing better lately." She sighed and put on a smile. "So tell me. What do you think of Stacey?"

Audie shrugged and laughed a little. "I like him."

"I can see that." Sheila appraised Audie openly. "He's talked to Michael about you. Michael thinks Stacey's in love with you."

"Oh, please," Audie said, waving her hand in the air. "We've known each other less than a month, and he's spent most of it either avoiding me, pissing me off, or interrogating me."

Sheila guffawed. "Sounds familiar. That's the method of seduction Michael used, and look where it got me."

Audie saw Jamie Quinn moving toward them, his broad pink face lit up with what could only be described as delight. He was headed right toward her, and she tried to prepare herself for another rib-crusher.

But he got waylaid by one of the clusters of cops and Audie heard herself exhale.

"Now Jamie is even more intense than Trish was." Sheila nodded toward the big man with a heavy cap of salt-and-pepper hair, and Audie followed her gaze.

Jamie Quinn had to be at least six-foot-three and he was solid and wide and loud. She could picture him in the dark blue Chicago Police Department uniform, a billy club hanging from his belt, scaring the bejesus out of anyone.

"Tell me about him," Audie said.

Sheila smiled. "Well, Michael has referred to Jamie's parenting style as 'knock heads first; ask questions later.' Things got pretty wild around here with a house full of boys."

Audie nodded. "A house full of Quinn boys."

"Exactly." Sheila reached over and patted Audie's forearm where it rested on the tablecloth. Sheila had a very soft hand. "But he's a great guy. Opinionated as hell. Very proud of his family and the life he and Trish made here. As long as you don't cross his family or Ireland, the Church, or the White Sox, Jamie is a big old softy. If you're stupid enough to go back on your word or hurt one of his boys, God help you."

"Yikes." Audie took a big gulp of her iced tea. "Quinn said his parents moved here in the sixties. Do you know what part of Ireland they came from?"

Sheila squeaked with laughter. "Dear God, of course. You don't spend much time with us Irish types, do you?"

"No." Audie shrugged.

"Well, we tend to talk a lot about Ireland and being Irish. It's like a hobby. It's what makes us the way we are, I guess. My parents are first-generation Americans. All four of my grandparents were born in County Mayo."

"Oh."

"On the west coast."

"OK."

Sheila smiled at her. "Trish was from a little town called Ballyporeen in County Tipperary in the midwest. Jamie's family was from Dublin. They met at a church dance at St. Cajetan down the street here, and apparently it was love at first sight."

Audie grinned at that, looking over at Jamie, trying to picture him as a nervous suitor at a church social, but not being very successful.

"My God, you should see pictures of the two of them when they were young. Jamie was one studly specimen, let me tell you-wickedly good-looking. And Trish was stunning-she had a very intense and lovely face."

"Kind of like Quinn."

Sheila tried not to giggle at her new friend. "Yes. Like that."

"I think I may have seen their wedding portrait actually. In Quinn's hallway."

"Did you now?" Sheila's eyes shot wide.

"Ladies? May I escort you to the servin' table?" Jamie stood in front of the women, blocking out the late-afternoon sun, his arms crooked out for easy access. "This bein' my house and my rules, I say I get all the pretty girls."

Sheila hopped up, spun Jamie around, and hooked her arm in his. "No argument here, Da." She went up on tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

Audie stood slowly and wound her arm around Jamie's elbow, a little embarrassed by how nice it felt to be on the arm of this man. "I'm honored," she said, smiling up at him, and it surprised her that she meat exactly that. Jamie's attentions made her feel special.

During and after the serve-yourself feast of ribs, hamburgers, chicken, corn, a variety of salads, and lots and lots of beer, Audie talked with nearly everyone at the party. She met the enchanting Commader Connelly, who admitted he was a big fan. With several of the neighbors she discussed the pros and cons of using crumpled newspaper to clean windows and the handiest ways to use old toothbrushes around the house. She'd butted heads with Michael several times, on topics ranging from baseball to "real" barbecue sauce. She somehow ended up talking politics and religion with Pat, yet came away thoughtful and smiling. And she'd been squeezed by Jamie more times than she could count.

Audie was having just about the best day of her life.

She was talking with Aunt Esther about her 1959 steamer ship passage from Ireland to New York as a new bride when she felt a little tug on her skirt. She looked down to seeKiley, smiling brightly up at her.

"Hey, kid!" Audie reached down for her hand.

"Wanna see my treatment?"

"What?" Audie looked up at Esther, but the older woman shook her head and whispered, "I'll tell you in a second."

Audie looked back down at Kiley. "Sure, honey. Where should I go?"

"The kitchen."

"You go ahead. I'll be right there, OK?"

"OK!"

Audie watched the little girl's legs churn and then carry her up the back steps. The kitchen storm door slammed shut behind her.

She turned back to Esther to see the woman's face lined with sadness. "What?" Audie's pulse quickened. "That's the second time she's mentioned that. What treatment is she talking about?"

"She's a sick child, though you wouldn't know it to look at her." Esther's voice was soft. "She has cystic fibrosis-can't breathe well and has all these problems with digestion and the like."

"What?" Audie nearly yelled.

"I think Jamie told me she's up to six breathing treatments a day now and she has to take three of the enzyme pills at each meal. It's a sad thing to watch. Sheila is a saint, and that's the God's truth."

"I didn't know. I…" Audie's eyes went back to the kitchen door and she felt her chest bunch up in knots. "Nobody told me. I'm so sorry."

Esther shrugged. "The family doesn't make a major production of it. We don't want her to feel like she's peculiar-just a regular little girl who needs a bit of help with her breathin'."

"My God." Audie simply stared at Esther. "I told her I'd watch, but I'm sure she doesn't-"

"She likes for people to see. She likes you. If you told her you'd go, I recommend that you do."

Audie thanked Esther and found herself climbing the back steps. She opened the door to Jamie's kitchen-a symphony of 1970s golds and browns-and found Sheila and Kiley at the table. Kiley was holding a plastic mask over her mouth, but Audie could see her eyes smiling above the rim.

"Hey, Kiley," she said softly. "I'm here to see the treatment you told me about."

Sheila whipped her head around, at first scowling, then letting the tension drop away. She slowly smiled at Audie. "Have a seat. It's a girls-only party."

Audie would not cry. It would not happen. If this little girl could sit there so matter-of-fact, so could she. For some reason, Audie thought she'd read that cystic fibrosis was a fatal disease. But that couldn't be right-Kiley looked so healthy. She acted healthy. She was so bright and happy. It wasn't possible.

Audie suddenly felt a hand reach out for hers and looked up, shocked, to see Sheila smiling at her. "There are wonderful things going on with research right now-great things. It's an exciting time."

Audie nodded like an idiot, feeling the sting of tears she thought she'd talked herself out of. She turned her eyes away and stared at the little machine that seemed to be pushing steam through a tube and into Kiley's lungs, making hissing and clicking noises as it worked.

"She has two kinds of breathing treatments," Sheila went on. "This one is antibiotics to prevent infection. The others are for breaking down the mucus. We alternate during the day."

The kitchen door opened and Michael and Quinn walked in, and Quinn's eyes slammed into Audie's, full of questions and concern.

"Hey! How's my trooper?" Michael leaned over and kissed his daughter on top of her head and reached for her little hand. "Do I get to be the next one to pound on you, squirt?"

Kiley nodded, her eyes smiling at her father.

"About ten more minutes, Mike," Sheila said softly.

"It's a date," he said, leaning down to his wife. Audie watched as he kissed her gently and whispered, "I love you so much, Sheila," before he walked to the refrigerator.

"Dear God in heaven, what are you eating now, Michael?" Sheila called after him.

"Would you get off my back, woman?" Michael huffed. "I'm getting some limes for the guests. You can't have a party without limes." He winked at Sheila on his way out the door and Audie watched a wistful smile spread across Sheila's face.

Quinn was still staring at her.

"I'm going to run to the rest room, OK, Kiley? I'll be right back." Audie felt herself move as if in a trance, rising from the kitchen chair and walking down the hallway. She passed right by the bathroom. She just needed to go stand in a corner for a few moments and let the trembling stop.

She found herself at the front door. She opened the door, closed it behind her, and sat down on the stoop. Then she cried like a coward.

She heard the front door click shut behind her and felt Quinn sit close, his hip right up against hers. "Did you bring any of your hankies, Homey?"

She shook her head violently, hiding her face in her hands.

"You're going to have to start remembering to bring them along, all right?"

Quinn held out one of his white handkerchiefs and waited for her to take it. "That was my mistake. I probably should have told you about Kiley, but it never came up. She's a great kid. She's going to be fine."

Audie wiped at her eyes and stared at him, at a loss for words, listening to the waves of backyard laughter roll along the side of the house. Then she looked at all the neat brick homes lined up so close to one another in this city neighborhood and thought about all the lives pressed together on just this one street-sickness and happiness and rivalry and regret and love. Families.

Her question came out as a rough whisper. "What did Michael mean when he said he'd 'pound' on her?"

Quinn brushed Audie's hair away from her face and tucked a handful of waves behind her ear, and she saw his green eyes flicker with tenderness.

"They have to percuss her chest-pound on it-a couple times a day. We all went to classes to learn how to do it-Mike and Sheila, Da, Pat, and me. Percussing breaks up all the gunk in her lungs so she can breathe."

She turned her face away from him.

"It's OK, Audie. It's just part of her life. We do what we have to so Kiley's comfortable and happy. Then we just pray a lot."

She turned to stare at him, suddenly very angry. "Pray for what?"

"Well, a breakthrough. The way things stand right now, people with cystic fibrosis are lucky if they live to the age of thirty or so."

Audie's mouth fell open.

"We just try to have faith."

"I can't deal with this." She stood up and began to walk down the sidewalk.

Quinn was behind her. "A walk sounds good," he offered.

She didn't respond, but she didn't resist when Quinn reached for her hand.

"You've got a tender heart, Audie. That's one of the things I like about you. But please don't be sad. Kiley doesn't like it when people are sad for her-it pisses her off, in fact." Quinn started laughing.

"My God!" Audie pulled away her hand. "Do you have any idea how bizarre this whole thing is for me? That your family laughs so much? That they love each other so much? Like the way Michael was with Sheila in there-do you have any idea how strange this all is to me? How overwhelmed I am? How surprised?"

"No. I didn't know." Quinn inclined his head a bit and studied her, his green eyes intense yet warm. The man was so beautiful, Audie's breath hitched.

She started to walk again.

"Hey. Wait."

"How can everyone pretend they're not sad?" She whirled on him. "Aren't your hearts broken?"

"Hell, yes, they are."

She shook her head. "I don't get it."

"Audie." Quinn laid his palm gently against the side of her face. "We're not pretending anything, but if there's a choice between laughing and crying, the Quinns pick laughing every time. It's better for the soul."

She blinked at him, her mind reeling, her heart twisting in big, mysterious knots of emotion-for this man, his niece, the rest of his family, and her own huge, immeasurable emptiness.

"Why did you give me your mother's handkerchiefs?"

Quinn watched as she propped her fists on her hips and jutted out her chin before she continued.

"Stanny-O told me they were Trish's. Why did you give them to me? You hardly know me. I'm nobody to you."

He dropped his hand from her cheek and looked at her for a long time. It was a good question-a damn good question-and for the life of him, he couldn't come up with a logical answer. He was beginning to realize that logic had little to do with his feelings for Audie.

"It freaked me out, Quinn. Tell me why you gave me your mother's handkerchiefs!"

He nodded slowly and took a breath. Her rich brown eyes were fixed on his and she wasn't letting go. This was a big moment, and he didn't want to blow it. Not too much, he told himself. Not too fast or she'd bolt.

"Because I'm tired of washing your snot out of mine?"

Audie closed her eyes and shook her head, trying not to laugh.

"All right, fine. They're actually my grandmother Stacey's, and I gave them to you because I think you're special and I wanted you to have something that was special to me, personal to me. But you already know that's how I feel about you."

Her eyes flew open and she started marching away from him down the sidewalk. At least she wasn't running or flipping him off,Quinn thought. He stayed at her side.

She suddenly wheeled on him. "Your grandmother's? God! That's even worse! When we get back to the North Side, I'm giving them back to you."

"I wish you wouldn't."

"I have no business with them."

"And why is that?" He grabbed her by her upper arms. "Isn't it my choice what I do with them? Lace doesn't go with my shoulder holster, anyway."

She blinked, and Quinn watched as a single tear rolled down her left cheek. "What in the hell is happening here?" she whispered, her eyes scanning his face. "I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone of love or something, and it's making me panicky, like I've got to get out of here, like you're too much for me, your family is too much for me."

Quinn was tempted to pull her close to him and smother her doubt with kisses-but he knew that would only make things worse. He dropped his hands from her body. "Then count to ten and stop your crying, Audie, because I need you for something important."

She frowned and propped her fists on her hips again. "Need me for what?"

"Do you want to do something nice for Kiley? Would you like to see her laugh?"

She nodded. "Of course I would."

"Then come back to the house with me. Pat said the boys want to get a game going down at Kennedy Park. Want to go kick some ass with me?"

Audie's eyes got wide. "Soccer?"

"Yep. I figure we tell them you've never played before, but you want to learn. That ought to be good for a few laughs." He took her hand and they were walking with purpose back down the street.

"And we let Kiley in on the joke from the beginning?" Audie was smiling.

"My plan exactly."

Quinn watched Sheila and Audie trade shoes-even Audie couldn't get off a decent kick in a pair of flimsy little sandals, he supposed.

And from the sidelines, he watched Kiley squeal and giggle and yell as Audie pretended to be confused and scared of the ball. It was a fine performance, too.

The little girl's eyes nearly popped from her head when Audie finally let loose and jumped and twirled and ran in her short skirt, the sweat running down her face, blowing everyone out of the water.

When Audie scored the first time, Quinn laughed so damn hard at Michael's stunned expression that he thought he'd busted an artery. It was priceless. The other times she scored he just felt proud and cheered her on.

And when she jumped on his back, and took a victory lap-God, Quinn felt like the luckiest man on earth to be holding her, to have her with him.

"Good Christ," Pat whispered to him at one point, slapping his brother's back. "Did you have a chance to winterize her yet?"

"Pogue mahone, Stacey," Michael quipped, trying not to laugh in appreciation. "I'll find a way to get you back for this one, believe me."

It was eight-thirty when Quinn and Audie said they needed to head back, and after nine by the time they made it to the car-there were a lot of people who wanted to hug Audie good-bye. Sheila had a difficult time removing Kiley's arms from around Audie's neck.

Jamie walked them down thestreet.

"Keep safe, lad. See you Wednesday at the Academy for rehearsal." Jamie gave Quinn a peck on the cheek as his son got in the car.

"Audie?" He walked over to the passenger side and placed his big hands on her shoulders. "You, my dear, are a complete joy. Please come back soon."

"I'd like that."

Jamie wrapped her up in his arms again and gently patted her back. "Take good care of each other," he whispered. Then he kissed her cheek, too.

All she could do was nod.