Lamb

In the cabin, Lamb shut and locked the door and said a silent prayer to his old luck and took Linnie back to the couch.

“David.” She took a plaid-covered end pillow and stuffed it between them. He looked at it. “Can we talk now?”

“I want to talk first. Did you want to talk first?”

“What’s with you?”

“What’s with me?”

“Can you relax? Is something wrong?”

“I didn’t really think you’d come, Linnie.”

“You didn’t?”

“The truth is, I was so lonely I invited out ten or twelve women, and I’ve got one hidden in every room out here, and then you came along, and I’m now out of space.”

“You didn’t invite anyone else, did you?”

“My dear, we’ve never been operating on a basis of exclusivity.”

“I hate you.”

“And I hate you. Good. Glad we’ve got that all clearly drawn.”

“David.”

“Can we have a serious talk now?”

“I’m sorry.”

“I want to say this, Linnie, okay? Seeing you come across the grass for me—it’s the best thing this old guy’s seen in a lifetime.”

“David.”

“No. Let me say this. I know there’s a lot of stuff from my previous life that’s been crowding you out. I know that. My previous life isn’t even my previous life. Do you understand?”

“How long ago did you move out?”

“A long time. Two months. Three. I don’t know.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He looked down at his hands.

“Was it because of me?”

“Linnie, you need to not think of it that way. Listen. I’m going to tell you something that is absolutely true, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Cathy knows nothing about you.”

“Okay.”

“People live together. They tolerate each other until they realize they’ve been tolerating each other, right? Sometimes it’s like sleepwalking.”

“She won’t tolerate you having affairs.”

“If there’s something you want to ask, Linnie, you’d better just ask it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“There isn’t anybody else out here. Do you see anybody out here other than you? Do you think I really called a bunch of women and invited them out, just hoping one of them would come?”

“I’m sorry.”

He looked out the window over the door at the empty road, the huge curtain of blue sky above it. “Do you have the sense I’m out here getting my kicks while I’m counting the empty columns of my life?”

“Please, David. I’m sorry, okay?”

“And it’s not that simple. There are things about her too. But understand it’s very difficult to speak ill of her.”

“I respect you the more for it.”

“I know you do.” He put his hands in his lap and turned to face her. “You know me, don’t you.”

“Sometimes.”

“Linnie. Look at me. Let’s have this. I want to try for it. But I’d feel like I was stealing you from the world. You’re so young. You have a life to live.”

“I could just wait for you. I’m willing to do that.”

“I think I knew you would say that.”

“Why does it make you look like you want to die? You need to not look at me like that.”

He looked down at his open hands. “I’m afraid I made you say it.”

“Of course you didn’t.”

“I’m afraid I make everybody say everything.”

“You’re not that powerful.”

He nodded and looked at his hands.

“What about Cathy?” she asked.

“What about her.”

“You make her say everything?”

“No.”

“What if I say I’m not going to see you again after this?”

“I’d worry that you were trying to convince me I hadn’t made you say everything up till then.”

“I see the problem.”

“I need a little of this space to do some soul searching, Linnie. I need to test myself. Or. Clean out my heart, you know? It’s like a crowded old garage. It needs emptying and sorting.”

“I don’t know if you can tidy a heart like you can clean a garage, David.”

“I need to try. I need to see if there’s anything there.”

“I used to find all this stuff in my parents’ garage. Horseshoes and old mitts and notepads and hammers of solid metal. Do you know the kind I mean?”

“I know the kind.”

“If you find something like that, don’t throw it away.”

“Aren’t you even a little angry with me, Linnie?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“I think I want someone to be.”

“Well, I don’t want to be angry. You can’t go around trying to make people angry just so you know where you stand.”

“You’re a smart girl.”

“Maybe.”

“I think I might be an awful person, Linnie.”

“David, you’re a decent man. Okay?”

His eyes filled. He took her face in his hands. “How do you know exactly what to say?” Linnie took his hands and he let go her face. “I’m afraid everyone’s in on something really wonderful, Linnie, and I don’t know what it is, and I can’t be in on it.”

“You’re okay.”

“I’m outside the window.”

“No you’re not.”

“You’ll be waiting for me, won’t you?”

“I will.”

“You can’t help it, can you?”

“Of course I can.”

“Oh, thank you for saying that.” She moved the pillow and he took her up in his arms. “Are you my girl?”