Leafpool’s Wish

Chapter 3

Leafpool flattened her ears, feeling fury and shame battle inside her. Stop! Why are you thinking like this? You cannot have these kits!

She had already betrayed ThunderClan once by leaving them when the badgers attacked. When Cinderpelt died because Leafpool had chosen to go away with Crowfeather, Leafpool had made a vow to StarClan that she would never abandon her duties. Wherever you are, Cinderpelt, if you can hear me, I promise that I will never leave our Clan again.

In her belly, her kits thrashed in protest. What about us? they seemed to be saying. Leafpool was about to twist around and press her muzzle against her side when she realized that Daisy was watching her. She forced herself to stand up straight and trotted over to the Highledge. There was only one place she could go to think clearly.

“Firestar, I need to visit the Moonpool.”

The ThunderClan leader looked surprised. “Really? Can’t it wait until the half-moon? Or is there something you’re not telling me?”

“Of course there isn’t,” Leafpool lied. “But it is important.”

“Then you must go,” mewed Firestar. He stretched his forepaws over the side of his nest. “Brightheart can take care of Brambleclaw’s wounds while you’re gone.” Leafpool opened her mouth to speak but he continued, with a glint in his eye, “And I promise to stay in my den for the rest of today. Although I presume I’m allowed to poke my head out for some fresh air?”

Leafpool purred. “Only your head, nothing more!” The thought of being able to go to the Moonpool made her dizzy with relief. The StarClan warriors would show her the way forward, remind her that she was not alone and that everything would be all right.

Firestar flicked his ears. “You must leave now if you want to reach the Moonpool before darkness. Go well, and be safe.”

Leafpool blinked gratefully at him. “Thank you, Firestar. I will return as soon as I can.”

She ran down the tumble of rocks to the clearing, careful not to let the weight of the kits unbalance her. She found Brightheart stocking the fresh-kill pile and told her she would be away for a day, no more. Brightheart agreed to check Brambleclaw’s injuries, though there was a flash of alarm in her single blue eye.

“Is everything all right, Leafpool? Has there been an omen?”

“Everything’s going to be fine,” Leafpool told her.

Squirrelflight dragged a blackbird up to the pile. “Are you going somewhere?”

“To the Moonpool. I need to speak with StarClan.”

Squirrelflight looked up at the dark gray sky. “There’s a storm on the way. Are you sure you should go alone?”

“Of course,” Leafpool meowed. “StarClan will light my path.”

Her sister nodded to the blackbird. “Do you want something to eat before you go?”

“No, I want to be there by nightfall.” Leafpool touched her muzzle to Squirrelflight’s and turned away before the she-cats could ask any more questions. In spite of the heaviness inside her belly, her steps felt light and quick. StarClan would show her what she must do!

The storm hit just as Leafpool started the rocky climb up to the hollow where the Moonpool lay. Freezing wind buffeted her fur and flung sharp pellets of hail at her until her skin was soaked and sore. Leafpool lowered her head and plodded on, sinking her claws into the mud between the rocks so the wind wouldn’t blow her off the path. Inside her, the kits seemed to curl up in fear.

Don’t be scared, little ones. I will keep you safe.

Leafpool was trembling so much from cold and exhaustion when she reached the top of the hollow that her paws could hardly carry her down the print-marked spiral path. She stumbled to the edge of the Moonpool, ruffled and black in the half-light, and let her body fold onto the hard stone. Waves splashed against her muzzle. Too tired to utter a prayer to StarClan, Leafpool plunged into sleep.

She opened her eyes in a warm green forest, with sunlight slicing between the branches. There was the scent of prey on the air, and the rustle of a small furry animal in a nearby patch of ferns. Leafpool looked around for the StarClan warriors she hoped to see—and saw a slender dark gray cat watching her with his head on one side.

“Your turn, Leafpool,” he prompted. He nudged a ball of moss with his forepaw. “Remember what I showed you about pouncing.”

Crowfeather! Then she was not in StarClan, but back in a memory of the time she had spent with the WindClan warrior, in the woods beyond the ThunderClan border.

Crowfeather flicked his tail. “Don’t be afraid of some moss!” he teased. “Rabbits have teeth and claws to fight back with, but this won’t hurt you.”

Leafpool crouched down and crept toward the moss. She flattened her ears, shifted her weight onto her haunches, and sprang forward with her legs outstretched. At the very last moment, Crowfeather rolled the ball of moss away with his paw and Leafpool’s claws grasped at thin air.

“Oh no!” Crowfeather purred. “It escaped!”

Leafpool whirled around and jumped onto the moss, ripping it to shreds. “Take that!” she hissed. “You won’t get away from me!” She looked up at the dark gray tom, laughter bubbling inside her. “I haven’t played this game since I was a kit!” she mewed.

Crowfeather narrowed his eyes. “I can tell!”

Leafpool launched herself at him, knocking him onto the fallen leaves. “Think I can’t hunt, hmmm? I can catch you anytime I want!” She found herself standing over him, gazing down into his blue eyes.

“I’d never run away from you,” Crowfeather whispered. “Ow!”

Leafpool jumped backward. “Did I hurt you?”

Crowfeather was sitting up and licking at the base of his spine. “No, I think I lay on a thistle.”

“Let me look.” Leafpool pushed his muzzle away and parted the hair on his back. “There’s a tiny prickle stuck in you. Hold still…” She bent closer and gripped the end of the thorn in her teeth. It slid free easily, and Leafpool rubbed the spot with her paw. “There, you’ll live!”

Crowfeather nuzzled her cheek. “Thank StarClan I had a medicine cat to save me!”

“Let’s climb a tree!” Leafpool suggested. She walked over to a moss-covered oak and stared up at the branches.

Crowfeather padded over to join her. “I don’t see why we can’t stay on the ground,” he muttered. “We’re cats, not squirrels!”

“Come on,” Leafpool urged. “You know it’s not as hard as it looks, and the view from the top is worth it!” She jumped up to the lowest branch and used her front paws to haul herself onto the next one. Crowfeather followed, moving more carefully than Leafpool, but light-footed and nimble thanks to his slender frame. The branches were strong and dry, with deeply-ridged bark that made it easy to grip with their claws. Leafpool was hardly out of breath when she reached the top of the oak and broke through the leaves. Crowfeather popped out beside her, clinging so hard to the slender branch that Leafpool felt it sway beneath them.

“It’s okay,” she mewed. “I won’t let you fall.”

Crowfeather blinked. “Neither of us has wings, Leafpool, so you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t like how high up we are.”

“But look how far we can see!”

They were on the other side of the ridge from the lake, out of sight of any of the Clan territories. In front of them, the land unrolled in dips and curves all the way to the dark line of mountains on the horizon. Here and there, Twoleg dens clustered in small reddish groups, but mostly the view was empty.

Leafpool shuffled closer to Crowfeather and leaned her head against his shoulder. His pelt smelled of grass and the breeze, with a faint hint of rabbit underneath. “There is so much land beyond our homes,” she whispered.

Crowfeather rubbed his chin on the top of her head. “Somewhere out there is a place we can be together all the time. You know that, don’t you, Leafpool?”

Still tucked against him, she nodded. “I wonder if we’ll ever find it,” she murmured.

She felt the dark gray cat tense beside her. “I would give my last breath trying,” he vowed.

Suddenly a gust of wind rocked the top of the tree. In a heartbeat, Crowfeather was flung off the branch. Leafpool shrieked in horror as his body plunged downward. She tried to jump down after him, but the wind was so fierce that the branch leaped and bucked beneath her. She clung on, flattening her ears, as rain pelted against her and the forest and the view disappeared in swirling darkness.

“Help!” she wailed. “Crowfeather!”

The branch under her paws vanished and her claws scraped against cold stone. The wind faded and Leafpool realized she was standing beside the Moonpool. A pair of eyes gleamed in the shadows and a familiar scent wreathed around her.

“Spottedleaf!” she mewed in relief.

The tortoiseshell she-cat walked forward. Her pelt glowed with starlight and her eyes were like tiny yellow moons.

Leafpool felt her kits cold and unmoving in her belly. Had the journey through the storm harmed them? “Are my kits all right?” she begged.

“Yes, they are well,” Spottedleaf meowed. Her voice cracked with sorrow. “Oh, Leafpool, what you have done? You foolish cat!”

Leafpool flinched, feeling the lash of Spottedleaf’s tongue like a blow. “But I…”

“You can’t make excuses,” Spottedleaf warned. “It’s too late for that, don’t you think?”

“Spottedleaf, hush!” A thick-furred gray cat lumbered across the stone. Her flattened muzzle and stained teeth shone with the same light as her Clanmate. “Leafpool knows what she has done.”

Spottedleaf narrowed her eyes. “If you can see a way out of this, you’re a wiser cat than I am, Yellowfang.”

The old medicine cat twitched one matted ear. “Wisdom comes in many shapes. Now, leave us alone.” She pointed into the shadows with her nose. Spottedleaf glanced once more at Leafpool, then padded away.

Leafpool crouched on the ground, not daring to move. She waited for Yellowfang to tell her how reckless she had been, how she had dishonored medicine cats everywhere. But to her surprise, she felt a rough tongue licking her head. Shaking, Leafpool let herself relax against the old she-cat.

“Oh little one,” Yellowfang rasped, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s hardly your fault,” Leafpool pointed out, her voice muffled by Yellowfang’s fur.

“You know, you’re not the first medicine cat to have this happen,” the old cat mewed.

“Really?” Leafpool was disbelieving.

Yellowfang nodded, her chin brushing Leafpool’s ears. “It happened to me, a long time ago.”

Leafpool sat up so quickly that her head banged against Yellowfang’s muzzle. “What?”

The gray-furred she-cat sighed and turned away to sit at the edge of the Moonpool. The water was still now, black and starlit like the sky. “Have you heard of Brokenstar?” she asked.

“Of course,” mewed Leafpool. “Leader of ShadowClan before Nightstar and Blackstar. He tried to destroy ThunderClan with the help of rogues.”

Yellowfang nodded. “He was my son.”

Leafpool nearly fell over. “Did any cat know?”

“Never. It was a terrible mistake, and I was punished by my secret every day of my life.”

“Is… is that what’s going to happen with my kits?” Leafpool whispered. “Are they a terrible mistake, too?”

Yellowfang closed her rheumy eyes. “Never say that. Life is always precious. It is what we fight for so hard, with every breath we take.”

“But medicine cats are forbidden to have kits. What I have done is wrong.” Leafpool crouched on the stone, feeling the chill seep into her paws.

“Wrong according to one code, but there are other ways to judge what we do,” Yellowfang rasped. “We are not allowed to have kits because we are supposed to love all our Clanmates equally, and the first Clan cats were afraid that we could treat our own kin ahead of any others. But when your kits are born, Leafpool, you will learn that your heart has space in it to love more than you could possibly imagine. Loving your kits does not mean you have less love for your Clan.”

“Then the code should be different?” Leafpool mewed hopefully.

Yellowfang lashed her tail. “I did not say that. The code of the medicine cats is there to remind us of our duties. We cannot change it, any more than we can change the seasons.”

Leafpool felt a faint stirring in her belly, and she curled her tail protectively around her flank. “Is there any chance my Clanmates will accept these kits?”

“ThunderClan lives and breathes the warrior code. I cannot promise they will forgive you. But your Clanmates have suffered so much these past few moons, nothing should matter more to you than staying with them.” The old cat’s gaze softened. “Your kits need not follow the same path as mine. If they believe that they are wanted and loved from the moment they take their first breath, they will have a chance to grow into strong, loyal, kind warriors.” She looked down at her paws. “My mistake was to give Brokenstar to a cat who did not love him, who resented every mouthful of milk he took from her.”

“Please help me!” Leafpool begged. “I want to serve my Clan, but I cannot make these kits disappear!”

Yellowfang stood up and started to walk back to the shadows. “You’ll have to be smarter than I was, that’s all.”

Leafpool opened her mouth to protest. But there was a rush of wind and darkness, and when she opened her eyes she was lying beside the Moonpool with her babies wriggling inside her as if they were tired of lying on the cold ground. Leafpool heaved herself to her paws. StarClan had spoken clearly: Her duty was to remain as ThunderClan’s medicine cat. But how, when there was no way to keep these kits secret?

Leafpool knew she had to confide in a living cat. And there was only one she could think of: a cat from whom love and happiness spilled out. Surely there would be enough to spare for some helpless kits? And this was the cat Leafpool had been closest to all her life, even when they were far apart…