Letters to the Baumgarters

Chapter Five

Dear Carrie and Doc,

I had to be honest with them both. You were so right. So I told Nico about Mason, and Mason about Nico, and now things are even more crazy than they were before. I guess some part of me expected one or the other of them to give me an ultimatum or just abandon me altogether once they found out I was seeing them both, but it seems as if my life just wants to be complicated.

“We’re not married anymore. I have no claim over you. Just hope, Dani. That’s all I have.” That’s what Mason said to me when I told him I’d been seeing someone else. But you’re not going to believe what else he said. “I just want to prove to you that you can trust me. I love you, and I hope that you can give our relationship another chance.”

Of course, Mason always talked a good game. But the thing is, this time… he’s actually backing his words up with reality. I know he’s here on trust fund money and all-his parents’ money-but he’s also here in direct defiance of everything they wanted for him. His father didn’t want him to come here, didn’t want to take his part of the business overseas. They, of course, had hoped he’d forgotten about me entirely. But he’s here, he says he’s still in love with me, and that he wants to work things out. And for once, I believe him.

But then there’s Nico. I can’t say if I’m in love with him or not. Things are still so new. But I think… I think I am. We had a fight the other day about-of all things-his mother. (Why do I keep picking men with mother issues? Never mind, I bet I don’t want to know…) Anyway, I felt awful afterward, and I realized, after two days of not talking to him, how much I really, really missed him in my life, how much I’d started counting on him to be there for me.

I feel so torn now. And Nico was just as accommodating as Mason, for pete’s sake, when I told him. “Whatever you want.” That’s what he said. “I’ll accept whatever makes you happy.” So for now, I’m dating them both. Which is strange and awkward-they’ve met now and seem to loathe each other, which I guess is understandable-and I know I’m going to have to make a choice at some point in the near future.

I just don’t know what I’m going to do. Maybe I should run away to Michigan and come live with you guys? Ha ha. (Only kind of kidding…)

“How can you both live in the same place?” Bewildered, I looked between Mason and Nico, both of them standing in the kitchen of the apartment, their arms crossed, identical scowls on their faces.

“We’ve come to a truce,” Nico explained, speaking English out of courtesy to Mason. “It’s the only one left in the building, and it has two bedrooms.”

I gaped at him. “Roommates? You’re going to be roommates?”

“Why not?” Mason shrugged. “It’s cheaper. And they’re willing to sign a month to month lease, which is something I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in this city.”

“But… but…” I couldn’t even begin to tell them how much of a bad idea I thought it was. I sputtered and spat my objections, which just came out as garbled gibberish.

“It will be easier for you,” Nico remarked with a smirk. I could have smacked it off his face.

Mason snorted a laugh. “True enough.”

“This is crazy,” I muttered, storming off toward the bathroom. It was hard enough, being with both of them at once, especially since they turned everything into some sort of pissing contest. But having them live together? It was impossible. I splashed water on my face, frowning into the little mirror over the sink.

And then it occurred to me. Maybe this was part of their plan. If I couldn’t separate them, split them up, see one here and one there, I’d have to make a choice faster, wouldn’t I? But then what? What happened when I chose Mason instead of Nico? Or Nico instead of Mason? Both scenarios made me feel dizzy and I gripped the edge of the sink, breathing hard.

“Dani?” It was Mason, knocking.

And then there was Nico, right behind him, echoing, “Dani? Are you all right?”

“Fine!” I called, opening the door to find them both standing in the doorway. I sighed, looking between the two of them. “So now what?”

“Now we buy furniture,” Mason replied, slapping Nico on the shoulder. “We’ve already got beds though, right?”

I blinked. “You do?”

“Mine from home,” Nico explained. “And my sister gave us another. I put it in the second bedroom.”

“My room,” Mason reminded him.

“She’s okay with this?” I scoffed.

Nico looked sheepish. “I told her it was for a friend.”

“And what does your mother say about it?” I inquired.

His jaw tightened. “It doesn’t matter. I’m moving out.”

“Good for you, man.” Mason slapped him on the shoulder again.

“Am I in a Twilight Zone episode?” I asked faintly, shaking my head.

Mason turned to me, putting his hands on my shoulders. “Hey, I’ve got a meeting tomorrow afternoon. Can you come as my interpreter?”

Nico scowled. “We were supposed to go to the gallery tomorrow afternoon.”

“We can do the gallery after the meeting,” I said to Nico.

“I suppose.” His scowl disappeared when he said, “Oh, my sister wanted to know if you could come to dinner at her place tonight.”

I bit my lip “Is it something special?”

“It’s Maria’s tenth birthday.” Anna’s daughter. I knew she’d be disappointed if I didn’t show up.

“We’re going to dinner tonight,” Mason reminded me.

I sighed. “I did already make plans.”

Nico relented, but tried again. “What about tomorrow night?”

“How many birthdays does your niece have?” Mason countered.

Nico rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”

“I could do dinner with you tomorrow night,” I offered, trying to make peace. This was impossible.

“We can go to Il Ridotto again.”

I shook my head and sighed. “Nico, that’s so expensive.”

“That’s where I’m taking her,” Mason interrupted. “I don’t think she’s going to want the same thing two nights in a row.”

The irony of that statement didn’t escape any of us.

“I think Il Ridotto once a year is sufficient,” I said.

Nico didn’t give up. “There’s always the Jazz Club 900. Or we could go to another club. Do you want to go dancing?”

“Dani doesn’t dance.” Mason snorted laughter.

“I dance!” I nudged him with my elbow, admitting, “I just don’t dance well.”

“I can teach you.” Nico took me in his arms and I saw Mason scowl as he led me lightly around the living room floor. “It’s easy. You just have to let yourself go.”

“Yeah, well, you can let her go right now.” Mason stepped in, separating us, and the two men faced each other, glowering.

I smirked. “This living together thing is going to work well. I can tell already.”

They both backed off a little, turning their glares toward me, saying almost simultaneously, “It will be fine.”

“Oh!” I grabbed for something, suddenly lightheaded, and Mason caught me with an arm around my waist. Not to be outdone, Nico appeared on my other side, both of them buoying me up. “Dizzy. Too much dancing I guess.”

“You should sit.” Nico said, but there was no chair or sofa. The only furniture was the mattress in the bedroom and I wasn’t even going to consider that, with both of them standing beside me.

“I have to go anyway.” I untangled myself. “I have some studying I’ve neglected.”

“I’ll take you home.” Nico offered.

“In the gondola?’ Mason snorted.

Nico swiped his hand under his chin at Mason, the Italian equivalent to giving him the middle finger. “V affanculo!”

Mason didn’t need an English to Italian dictionary to interpret what he meant.

“I’ll walk,” I said, heading for the door. “The fresh air will do me good.”

“I’ll see you tonight,” Mason called. “Pick you up at seven?”

I didn’t answer him. My flat was half a mile away, and it was good to be out in the fresh air. I gulped it down, trying to clear my head. Days like today, I was ready to tell both men to go jump in the Grand Canal and be done with it. Of course, when it came down to it, this thing was my own fault. If I would just make a decision, they would stop trying to compete with each other, right? So what was wrong with me?

I still couldn’t believe the two of them had decided to room together. It made me wonder what they were up to. It was the last thing I’d expected, after my confession to first Nico and then Mason, that I was seeing them both. Part of me had expected Nico to end things, and Mason to turn around and head back to the states, but neither of those things had happened.

Jezebel mewed at the door when I opened it, demanding to be fed. I filled her bowl, glancing at the books on my little kitchen table. I’d been too distracted lately, first Nico and now Mason, neglecting my studies. I should have cracked the books but instead I poured myself a glass of wine and took it to the sofa, sitting and sipping and listening to Jezebel eat.

I couldn’t get either man out of my head, and now I couldn’t separate them either. When I closed my eyes and imagined them, their hands and mouths and voices melded in my mind. The wine, of course, wasn’t helping. It made everything fuzzy around the edges. Jezebel joined me on the couch, kneading my thigh with her paws before settling next to me with a large yawn.

The knock on my door startled us both, and Jezebel followed me, just as curious as I was who might be calling. Cara Lucia stood there in the entrance, frowning, her gray hair covered, as usual, under a dark-colored scarf. She remained in mourning for her husband, who made it through WWII in one piece only to die twenty years later from delayed effects of nerve gas.

“Here.” She spoke English, handing me a sheet of paper, and my heart dropped to my toes. Had someone seen Mason here and said something? Was I being evicted? “No more visitors in the room. Capice?”

Sure enough, it was a warning about having Mason over. Someone must have seen him coming or going. I cringed, folding the paper and putting it into my back pocket, already apologizing, but she waved my excuses away.

“I can’t have different rules for different tenants.” She was back to speaking Italian again. “I’m sorry.”

“I understand.” Of course I did. But I also knew she must be angry with me. I hadn’t been to lunch with her since I started dating Nico. “I promise, no more.”

“So this Mason, he’s come for you?”

“I’m not sure why he’s come.” I nudged Jezebel back in. Thankfully the rules about pets were far more lax than her rules about men.

Cara Lucia smiled knowingly. “And what about this other one? The dark-haired Italian boy?”

Who did I think I was kidding? She didn’t miss anything.

“We’re…” What were we exactly? “We’re working things out.”

“Well don’t take too long.”

I frowned. “What does that mean?”

“You want a marriage. Babies. You’re not getting younger, you know.”

I jutted my chin out. “How do you know I want that?”

“You do.” She scoffed. “The way you covet your friend’s baby? Look at the pictures you have of her. You want what she has. I know you do.”

I swallowed, thinking about Carrie and Doc and their little Janie. Did I want what they had? Some part of me did. And another part of me was scared to death of it. Some echo of a memory cried out, “Not again, never again.” And then my body betrayed me, every single time I was with one man or the other.

“So consider this your first warning, yes?” Her eyes met mine. “No more visitors.”

“You don’t have to worry,” I assured her, although I didn’t explain that both Nico and Mason had found their own place-together. It was too weird, even for me.

“Good.” She nodded her head, satisfied. She turned to go and then turned back, looking like she wanted to say something. “Are you all right?”

“Fine,” I replied, attempting a smile, but I felt dizzy with my own realization. Did I want what she claimed I wanted? A husband? A child? A family? “I’m sorry about the…visitors. It won’t happen again.”

“Good.” She hesitated again. “I think those boys are taking too much out of you. Maybe you should lie down. Get some rest. You look pale.”

“I will.” I pushed Jezebel out of the way again and shut the door, leaning against it for a moment, my head swimming. I was going to read and work on my thesis, but when I got the couch, Cara Lucia’s suggestion was too powerful and my thoughts far too overwhelming. I fell asleep with Jezebel curled on my lap.

“This is too weird.” I glanced at the bedroom door as Mason closed it behind him. The bed was the only thing in the room, so I sat there. They still hadn’t purchased much in the way of furniture. There was a kitchen table now but no chairs, and a coffee table and a television in the living room. “Where’s Nico?”

“He had to go help a guy with a leaky pipe.” Mason grinned. “At least, that’s what he said.”

I rolled my eyes. “Was it Sal? His sister’s husband?”

“I don’t care.” He came to sit next to me on the bed, his hand already moving up my knee, under my skirt. “I’m just glad we have the place all to ourselves.”

“Still, if he comes home…”

“I locked the door.” Mason captured my mouth with his, insistent.

Our dinner had been good-it was hard to get a bad meal in Venice-and our conversation even better. But both of us had been impatient for time alone. Every time our hands touched or our eyes met or my knee brushed his under the little cafe table, a spark of electricity passed between us, a surge of desire. I was already wet for him, had been for hours. And he knew it.

During dinner, he had leaned over and whispered, “Go to the bathroom and take your panties off.”

And I’d done just as he asked, passing them under the table into his hands, letting him feel how moist they were, still warm from my pussy. His eyes had darkened with lust when he took them from me and slipped them into his suit coat pocket. It hadn’t been long after that we were alone in a water-taxi heading, so eager for each other his hand had found its way under my skirt to my bare pussy, flicking my clit, teasing me as we sailed toward home.

We were just as eager now, his hands roaming over my blouse, pushing my skirt up to my hips, my aching clit finally getting his full attention. He rubbed it with his thumb as he kissed me down onto the bed, undoing the button of my blouse with his other hand.

Not to be outdone, I peeled his suit coat off, working the buttons on his shirt too. I was still getting used to Mason all dressed up in suits. The husband I’d been married to wore the typical college uniform-jeans and a t-shirt. I found this new Mason irresistibly sexy. It was the same man but different, and the change was exciting.

“God, I love your tits,” he groaned, finally reaching his destination, undoing the front hook of my bra and letting them spill out. He grabbed them in both hands, his knee going between my legs so I could rub myself against his thigh. His tongue made circles around my nipples, tracing delicious patterns over my skin from one breast to the other.

“Mason,” I whispered, arching my back, my pussy swollen against the press of his leg between mine. I could barely wait, my whole body pulsing with need. “I want your mouth. Please. Lick me.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice. I was hanging half off the edge of the bed, my legs dangling, and he got down on his knees on the floor, shoving my skirt up to my waist. I parted my pussy my lips with my fingers for him as he kissed his way up my thigh, his breath hot, fast. He was excited as I was.

He pressed my thighs open wider with his palms flat, shoving my legs back, rocking my hips up, completely exposing my pussy and ass to him. I moaned in anticipation, rubbing the hood of my clit with one finger, not wanting to wait. Mason was busy licking the inside of my thigh, following the fleshy seam between my leg and my pelvis with his tongue.

“You’ve got such gorgeous legs.” He praised me, murmuring, in between kisses. He had them pressed far back, my heels still on. I didn’t tell him they were the same heels Nico had bought me for our hotel stay. “Your skin is like silk.”

“Please,” I whimpered. Not that I minded the compliments. They made me flush with pleasure. I loved the way he looked at me, so wolfish, like he could put me in a dish and eat me with a spoon. Finally, oh god, finally his mouth reached my pussy, his tongue lapping up and down my lips, teasing the swollen, wet flesh, making me squirm on the bed.

“Oh my god, you taste so good.” His tongue slipped through my cleft, smooth and slick, scooping up my juices as he went, spreading them over my labia, up to my clit. My hips lifted toward him in response the moment his mouth covered my pussy. He knew just what I liked, finding my pleasure center, that electric hot spot that made me quiver, feeling his way.

I’d forgotten how good he was, how well he knew me. My body responded without thought, giving myself to him like an offering, spread out and trembling. His mouth worked between my legs, but he kept his fingers busy too, working them slowly into my pussy, then moving them in and out, fucking me gently while he licked me.

“Oh god, baby, faster,” I panted, grabbing my own knees, pulling them back. “Fuck me harder!”

He plunged his fingers into me, jolting my whole pelvis with a heart-pounding rhythm, his tongue never wavering on my clit. I was so close to orgasm, breathless and out of control, I felt full of heat and light, as if my whole body was on fire.

Then he slid a finger down and rubbing my ass, teasing the tight ring of my asshole, my juices and his saliva already making it wet. I gasped when he slid it in to the first knuckle, the sensation so naughty and at the same time so exciting it nearly sent me screaming over the edge toward orgasm.

“You like that?” he teased, knowing full well that I did. His fingers moved in deeper, then deeper still. He had a finger in each hole, pussy and ass, fucking me again gently. I thrust against his hand. Being fingered just made me want his cock and I found myself wishing he had more than one, so he could do me like this, just like this.

“Make me come.” I pressed my hand to his head, fitting his mouth over my mound. “Lick it. Oh god, yes, like that. Please, please, make me come!”

His tongue found that spot again, working it with a vengeance as he fingered my pussy and my ass together, sinking deeper with every thrust. I cried out, digging my heels into his shoulders, my back arching as I came, my climax surprising us both with its force, my pussy and ass spasming together around his fingers in ecstatic rhythm.

Mason slid up between my thighs and I wrapped my legs around him as we kissed. I sucked at his tongue, tasting the musk of my pussy, feeling him fumbling with his belt and zipper. Then, oh then, his cock slid through the wet pleat of my pussy, seeking entrance. He groaned when he found what he was looking for, plunging into my wetness, not waiting, not giving me even a moment to breathe.

“Oh god!” I clung to him, the bed squeaking under our weight, Mason stretched out half on and half off, his feet on the floor, giving him greater leverage as he thrust. His shirt was open, his belly exposed as he rose above me like a god, blotting out the light. “Oh baby, no, wait, ohhhh! That’s so fucking good!”

He grunted in response, rolling his hips, making circles against my pelvis, his cock taking inventory of my pussy, every last little bit of flesh explored. My orgasm was still fading, my body shivering under his weight. I felt his cock swelling inside of me, impossible proportions, filling me with every buck of his hips.

Then he slowed, panting in my ear, his muscles tense, his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.

“Mason?” I whispered.

“I want you to suck it.” He rolled off me to the bed, onto his back, looking over at me. “Lick all your juices off my cock. Oh god, yeah, that’s a good girl…”

I was up on my hands and knees, still dizzy from my climax but eager to give as good as I’d received. His cock was thick in my hand, throbbing as I took him between my lips, the head swollen. He moaned and grabbed a fist full of my hair, pushing me down, down, down, making me take him, every inch.

I gagged and he let me come up for air, but then it was back down again, his cock searching for my tonsils, seeking the hottest, fleshiest, deepest recesses of my throat. I gagged again, again, my eyes watering, but I loved it-and he knew it. He fucked my face like that, giving me his cock over and over, his thigh muscles taut, toes curled. I knew he was fighting climax, but enjoying it too much to stop me.

I cried out when he swung my hips around on the bed toward him, plunging his fingers back into my pussy, He worked them into my sopping wetness and back out again, twisting as he went. I arched my back like a cat stretching, still focused on his cock-although not quite so intently now. His thumb rubbed at the sensitive button of me clit, giving me even more cause to slow down on sucking him, my tongue pausing to roll around the ridged, mushroom head.

“Come here.” He grabbed my ass, yanking me across him, positioning my pussy over his face and wrapping his arms around my hips. I whimpered but gave in to what he wanted, his tongue burying itself in my flesh, fucking my hole in and out, like a tiny cock. It was such a tease and I moaned around the fleshy thrust of the real thing in my mouth, aching for it to fill me.

“I want you,” I begged, yanking his pants and boxers down his thighs for better access. I wrapped him in my fist, my tongue working down toward his balls, breathing in the pungent, masculine scent of him. “Oh god, I want your cock in me.”

“Nuh-uh,” he panted, taking a breath. “Not until you come.”

“Again?” I squeaked in protest when his tongue found my clit, nudging it back and forth.

“At least twice.”

I groaned, pressing my forehead against the meat of his thigh, his tongue dancing delightfully through the slick folds of my flesh. I stroked him absently in my hand, feeling precum building at the tip of his cock, too lost in sensation to do much else. When he made his tongue flat, pulsing it against my clit, I squeezed him so hard the head turned from red to purple above my fist, my breath coming so fast I could barely keep up.

“Mason! Baby!” I cried, biting at the soft flesh of his thigh. “Oh god I’m gonna come!”

He just grunted his encouragement, his tongue moving faster between my legs, his whole face buried between them. My climax shook me violently, the bed vibrating beneath us as I bucked on top of him, half sitting, forgetting entirely about his cock, my hands clenched into fists on his belly as I mashed the flesh of my pussy against his face, drowning him in sticky sweetness.

“Oh fuck.” He nibbled at my pussy and thighs, breathing hard. “That was so hot I almost came with you.”

“I forgot about your poor cock.” I kissed the tip, tasting his precum.

“Well we’re going to remedy that.” He rolled me onto my back, making me squeal. My skirt and heels were still on, my shirt open, my breasts exposed. He undressed me quickly.

“I thought you were gonna make me come again?” I teased, lifting my hips so he could slide my skirt down my thighs. He dropped it on the floor with the rest of my clothes, leaving me completely naked.

“I’m gonna make you come again.” He pulled his shirt off, kicking his pants and boxers free. “When I fuck your ass.”

My eyes widened, my words gone, as he turned me over onto my belly, lifting my behind in the air. He smacked it, making me yelp, and rubbed his cock through my soaking wet crevice.

“Mason, wait,” I begged, but there was no talking to him once he was determined he wanted something-and he wanted my ass.

It wasn’t that we hadn’t done it before. We’d experimented a lot during our marriage, and I’d had my ass taken quite a bit when I was with the Baumgartners. It was just that I wasn’t ready for it, hadn’t mentally prepared myself. It took an adjustment to go from wanting to be fucked, to wanting to be fucked there.

But I was going to have to get used to the idea pretty quick, if the way Mason was probing between my ass cheeks was any indication.

“You’re so wet, ” he exclaimed, his cock head pressed right against the tight entrance of my ass. I gasped, fisting the covers on his bed and burying my face there.

“Not yet,” I begged again. “Please.”

“Okay.” His cock slid down to my pussy, thrusting in deep at this angle. I cried out, shifting my weight on the bed to take him so far in it almost hurt. “God that’s hot. I love watching my cock go into you.”

His finger circled the ring of my asshole as he fucked me, the wet slap of my wet pussy taking his length filling the room. My breasts swayed with the motion, my nipples grazing the bed. I caught his rhythm, rocking against him, fucking him back. He slid his finger into my ass, making me whimper and grind. He knew I loved it, and we both knew what he was doing-priming the pump, so to speak.

“Feel good, baby?” He fucked my pussy and my ass, shoving both his cock and his finger in as far as they would go.

“Y-y-y-yes,” I managed, his hips rocking me hard on the bed, shaking everything.

“You want it in your ass, don’t you?”

Oh god, another finger. He wedged them both in, stretching me open. His cock was swollen to bursting inside of me. I felt the pressure inside, so full, both orifices stretched.

“Y-y-y-yes!” I said again, putting my shoulders down onto the bed and reaching back with both hands. I spread my ass cheeks open for him, hearing his sharp intake of breath. “Take it, baby. Fuck my ass.”

He groaned at my permission, his dick slipping out, his fingers too, leaving me with a feeling of emptiness that was short-lived. His cock was dripping oil from my pussy like a dipstick out of a hot engine and I felt the press of it against the rigid muscle of my anus. I took a deep breath, determined to take him, closing my eyes and trying to relax.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned, shifting on the bed to press in a little deeper. “So tight.”

My thighs trembled as he thrust again, driving himself in past that tight ring of muscle. I yelped in surprise at the burn, but he waited a moment and I recovered, moving my hips back toward his. He gripped my ass, settling himself in deep. I slid my hand between my legs, searching for the throbbing bud of my clit. I wanted to come like this, with him buried in my ass. How had he known just what I’d wanted-even when I didn’t know?

“Fuck me,” I begged, rolling my hips. “Fuck my ass ’til I come.”

He pulled back, like loading a spring, and then we were off. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t do anything but take him, again and again and again, the rising tide of my orgasm driven by the rock and thrust of his hips. His cock was a piston, urging me on.

“Mason!” I was so close. So very close.

“Come,” he panted, his fingers digging into the sides of my hips. “Oh god, Dani, I can’t hold back. I’m gonna come in your tight little ass!”

That did it. I was flying, his cock flooding me with cum, fountains of it, a geyser of lava deep inside of me. My pussy contracted again and again, my asshole clamping around his cock and he clung to me as if the force of it might drive him right out. But I wasn’t letting him go. When he tried to pull out, I clenched my still-spasming muscles around the head of his dick, making him squirm and gasp.

“Easy!” he cried.

I smiled as he slid slowly out, feeling the “pop” of my flesh as my ass finally gave up. He crawled up next to me on the bed, pushing my hair out of my face and finding my cheek, kissing it. His breath was still hot and panting. So was mine. I floated, in a dream, until the sound of someone in the flat upstairs brought my head up off the bed.

“I should go.”

His head came up too. “So soon?”

“I don’t want to be here when Nico comes home.” This reminded us both and we were silent for a moment, coming back down to reality. “This is all so strange.” I sighed. “Why are you so quiet?”

“We agreed we wouldn’t push you.”

I rolled over on my side, up on my elbow to look at him. “We?”

“Me and Nico.”

I blinked. “You’ve talked about this?”

“Of course we have.”

He made it sound so matter-of-fact.

“How very civilized of you.”

“This is your choice, Dani,” Mason said softly, rolling toward me so we were belly to belly. “And we agreed that you needed to make it without our influence.”

I frowned. “How can either of you not influence me?”

“I guess the gentlemen’s agreement here is that we won’t play dirty,” he replied. “No bribes, no proposals, no promises. We just have to be ourselves and you… you have to decide which one of us you want.”

I rolled away from him, to my back, throwing an arm over my head and staring at the ceiling.

“What is it?” he asked.

It sounded ridiculous, even as I said it-but it was the way I felt. “Aren’t either of you going to fight for me?”

He chuckled. “Do you want us to?”

“Oh I don’t know.” I sighed, sitting up and searching for my clothes.

“I would.” Mason sat too, watching me get dressed. “Put me in a cage with him. We’ll fight to the death. Or perhaps you’d prefer jousting? Or Russian Roulette?”

“Very funny.” I slipped my bra on, doing up the hook in front. “This is impossible.”

“No it’s not.” He watched as I pulled on my blouse, working the buttons. “It’s just a decision. Me or him.”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to pressure me?” I snapped, sliding my skirt up my hips and reaching around, trying to work my zipper.

“Am I?”

I stopped. “Mason, I’m afraid.”

“Come here.” He turned me around so he could zip my skirt. “Of what?”

“If I choose you…” I glanced back over my shoulder at him. “Well, we didn’t get divorced for no reason, you know.”

He smiled. “Yes, I know.”

“Are we just going to pick up where we left off?” I turned in his arms, trying to see the truth in his eyes.

“No,” he assured me. “I’m different. You’re different.”

“You’re still so tied to your family.” I sighed. “This is your father’s business you’re talking about, not your own.”

“But I’m making my own decisions.” He looked at my blouse, frowning, and started rebuttoning it. I’d missed one. “Trust me, they didn’t want me to come here. They still don’t want me to be with you.”

“No?” I imagined that was true. They’d never liked me. I was a bad influence on their son.

“But this is me, making my own decisions.” He looked up at me, his eyes serious. “I choose you. I want you. That’s why I’m here.”

I smiled. “I knew it wasn’t just business.”

“Hardly.” He pulled me down into his lap and I straddled him as he kissed me, slow and deep, the smell of our sex redolent in the room. I’d missed us together, so much. Thinking about it brought tears to my eyes.

“What about Isabella?” I asked, swallowing past the obstruction in my throat.

“What about her?”

I blinked back tears. “Don’t you miss her?”

“Of course I do.” His arms tightened around me. “She was my daughter too.”

I closed my eyes, feeling tears slipping down my cheeks. “I don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.”

“I don’t know if you’re supposed to.” Mason cupped my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe my tears. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t move forward.”

“Oh god, please don’t talk about more babies,” I groaned, trying to twist away from him. “Not that again.”

“Us, Dani.” He turned my face to him again, meeting my eyes. “ We can move forward, you and I, together. Babies can be a part of that or not. But I want you. You.”

I contemplated the idea. “What would we do?”

“Anything you want.” He smiled, wrapping his arms back around my waist. “You’ll be done with school in June. You can find a job here in Italy. Work here, stay here. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

I laughed, shaking my head. “You don’t know a word of Italian.”

“I’ll learn.” He nuzzled my belly, rested his head against my breasts. “Ti amo.”

I love you.

I looked down at him in wonder, running my hand through his short-cropped hair.

“See, I’m already learning.” He grinned up at me.

“It sounds too good to be true,” I murmured. “What would you do?”

“I’ve got the business,” he reminded me. “In spite of my father’s reservations, I think branching out all over Europe is a brilliant idea, even if it is mine. And I think it’s going to be very lucrative.”

“I can’t believe this is you talking,” I said doubtfully. “I can’t believe it’s real.”

“It’s me. I’m real.” His eyes told me everything I wanted to know. “And I do love you.”

“I love you too,” I whispered, kissing him softly. “I always have.”

I slid off his lap, heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” he called.

“To pee.” I stopped in the doorway, suddenly dizzy, leaning against the wall.

“Are you all right?”

I nodded, opening the door. “Just overwhelmed.”

“Hurry back,” he called. “I want your ass one more time before you go.”

I grinned over my shoulder at him. “You are a bad, bad man.”

“I know. Hurry back.”

“Can you see yourself doing this for the rest of your life?” I asked, watching Nico navigate the gondola through the narrow passageway.

“Being with you?”

I smiled. “No, being a gondolier.”

“Honestly?” Nico looked across the water, his hat shading his eyes. “No.”

I sat forward in my seat. “So what do you want to do?”

He hesitated. “You’ll laugh.”

“No I won’t,” I assured him. “I promise. If you tell me… I’ll tell you something. Quid pro quo.”

“A secret?” Nico slowed the gondola, wrapping a rope around a nearby post.

“Yes.”

“I want to be a chef,” he confessed, stepping off onto the dock, reaching for my hand and helping me up. “I want to own my own restaurant, like Gianni Bonaccorsi.”

His response thrilled me. “You’d be a wonderful chef.”

“Do you mean that?” He took my hand as we walked the cobblestone toward the flat he was sharing with Mason.

“Of course I do.”

He looked down at me, speculative. “I’ve been saving a long time to open my own restaurant.”

“You should do it.” I squeezed his hand.

He sighed. “It’s hard to do something like that and still pay the bills in the meantime.”

“But if it’s your dream, you should do it anyway,” I urged as we took the stairs in his building up.

Nico unlocked the door, changing the subject. “So tell me a secret.”

“Is Mason home?” I asked, hesitating in the doorway. He’d already told me he wouldn’t be there, but I wanted to be sure.

“No.” He tossed his keys on the table. They had a flat full of furniture now. “He had business. And we have an understanding.”

“Do you tie a sock on the doorknob?”

He laughed, reaching for me. “So tell me something.”

“I’m a man in a woman’s body,” I confessed, putting my arms around his neck.

“Now I know that isn’t true.”

“I’m a woman who wants a man’s body,” I murmured, pressing my breasts against his chest.

“Well, that I believe.” He smiled, his eyes lighting up. “But you’re not getting out of it so easily. Tell me something real.”

“Something real…” I pulled away from him, wandering around the flat. Mason had come with practically nothing, so the apartment spoke more of Nico’s tastes, which meant a more classic Italian design. “I can’t think of anything.”

“You promised,” he reminded me, taking my hand and leading me to the sofa. “You’re such a mystery.”

“You want to know something real about me?” I asked, letting him pull me onto his lap.

“Yes.”

“Okay…” I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I had a baby. With Mason.”

He was quiet for so long I had to look.

“And where is this baby?” he finally asked.

“She’s…” I blinked fast, looking away, and whispered the word. “Dead.”

“Ah bella…” He took a deep breath, taking my hand in his. “This explains so much…”

I gave a short, sharp laugh. “Her name was Isabella.”

“Oh no. All this time…” His eyes widened, his jaw dropping. “No wonder you didn’t want me to call you bella! I’m so sorry.”

He turned my palm over, kissing it repeatedly.

“She was stillborn.” It was so hard to talk about it, even now, but another part of me felt relieved to be sharing it-sharing her. “I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant. Almost full term.”

“That’s… tragic.”

Tragico. The ultimate tragedy. Yes, tragic was the perfect word.

“Is this why you got divorced?”

I shrugged, looking away. “Maybe partly. It was hard.”

“I can’t imagine.” He held me closer, cradling my head on his shoulder. “Poor bella…” He sighed, smacking himself in the forehead. “Stupid! I won’t call you that anymore.”

“No, it’s okay,” I assured him. “I actually like it.”

“You do?”

I nodded. “I miss her, and you calling me bella… it reminds me. In a good way. I love hearing her name.”

“Bella, bella, bella,” he whispered, kissing my forehead. “You are so brave, so sweet.”

I tilted my head up and pressed my lips to his, closing my eyes and losing myself in the kiss. It wasn’t difficult to do. Being with Nico always transported me somewhere outside of myself and yet kept me firmly present in the world at the same time.

The kiss deepened and I slipped my hand behind his neck, our tongues meeting, doing an electric dance. Wanting him happened so fast, it always surprised me.

“The bedroom,” I murmured.

There was more than just a bed in it now-a night table, a dresser. Nico sat on the bed as I closed the door. I went to him, so overwhelmed with my own confession I could barely stay on my feet. He pulled me into his arms, buoying me up.

“Are you all right?”

“Just dizzy I guess,” I whispered, running my fingers through his dark, thick curls. “Too much emotion in the past few weeks.”

“Poor bella.” He kissed me softly, his hands moving over my back, petting me.

“I don’t want to talk anymore,” I pleaded. “Let’s not talk.”

“Yes.” He kissed me more deeply, his tongue twining with mine, exploring the soft recesses of my mouth. I didn’t want to talk or think. I just wanted to be with him, to be as close as I could get to him. I thought briefly about Mason, and felt a little guilty, but I knew he would be gone for hours.

“Undress for me.” Nico leaned back on the bed and watched, expectant.

I slid my t-shirt off over my head, tossing it on the floor. My bra was front hook and that came off too. By the time I was unbuttoning my jeans, he was unbuttoning his own, freeing his cock. I bit my lip at the sight of it, at the casual way he stroked himself as I stripped for him.

When I was naked, I crawled up between his legs on the bed, nuzzling his hand out of the way and taking his cock in my mouth. He made a soft noise in his throat, watching me lick the head. I loved the way he curved under my tongue, the thick feel of it sliding into my mouth. He reached for my breast, letting it fill his hand, teasing my nipple as I sucked him.

“Touch yourself,” he said.

I reached down to part my pussy lips, my fingers sliding in the wetness, finding my clit and rubbing. Nico’s hands kneaded my breasts, thumbing my nipples, driving me to distraction. I couldn’t concentrate on sucking him when he did that and I squirmed on the bed.

“Come here.” He reached for me and I crawled my way up, peeling his shirt off as I went. It was his gondolier uniform, black and white stripes. I tossed it off the bed, letting him guide me further up, up, until I was straddling his chest. His eyes drank me in, his gaze moving over my breasts, down my belly, focusing on the parted, swollen lips of my pussy.

“So beautiful.” He used one finger to trace the swell of my mound, teasing my clit briefly, watching my face. “Touch yourself, Dani. I want to watch you come.”

“Like this?” I bit my lip, cupping my pussy, rocking my palm against my flesh. His eyes lit up when I parted my pussy lips, showing him more pink, giving him a glimpse of my hooded little clit. It was throbbing.

Nico slipped a hand down to grab his cock. I glanced back and saw him fisting the length, rubbing the tip with his thumb as he watched me. I held my pussy lips open with one hand so he could see, using the fingers of my other to rub myself, first my clit in little circles, then sliding down to my hole. So juicy, nice and wet. I rubbed the slickness into my clit.

“Faster,” he insisted, licking his lips. “Finger yourself.”

I slid two fingers into my pussy, using my thumb to strum against my clit, rocking on top of him. My breath came faster, my nipples hardening. I saw him looking from my breasts to my pussy to my face, like he couldn’t decide where to focus. He stroked himself faster, matching my rhythm, his eyes half-closed.

“It feels so good,” I whimpered, rubbing myself feverishly now. Nico fixated on my pussy, his eyes glazed, as I got closer and closer to orgasm. “Oh god. I’m gonna come. Yes! Oh now! Now!”

My body announced my climax, my hips bucking, pussy snapping closed on my plunging fingers. I cried out and arched my back, feeling dizzy and looking to steady myself. Nico’s hands went to my hips, holding me up, supporting me as my orgasm rushed through me, a fire in my veins.

“Beautiful,” he breathed, and I looked down, seeing how wet his chest was with my pussy juices. The hair there glistened with it.

“Oh my fucking god,” I said in English, rolling onto the bed with a soft groan.

“I don’t know about God.” Nico smiled. “But you can fuck me.”

I laughed, lifting my head to look at him, still so very hard, his cock dripping with precum.

“Do you want to fuck me?” I shifted on the bed, lifting my ass in the air. “Do you want to slide into my hot, wet, tight-?”

He groaned, shoving his pants and boxers down and rolling up next to me on the bed so fast I barely had time to register it. Then he was sliding his cock home, shoving my legs apart with his, driving me forward on the bed. I cried out as he thrust, deeper, harder, slamming the bed against the wall.

“Oh god!” I grabbed onto the edge of the mattress. “Oh god! Oh god!”

Nico leaned over me, still thrusting, his breath hot in my ear. “I love fucking you.”

“Yes!” I agreed, giving back as good as I was getting, grinding and rolling my hips. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

God help me, I loved getting fucked by him.

“That’s it,” he growled, driving me further up on the bed. “Take that cock. Take it!”

I took it. My pussy squealed and squelched in protest, the sound of our fucking filling the room, but I took him, his hands cupping my breasts, my nipples hard under his fingers as we bucked together on the bed. His teeth grazed my shoulder, his mouth sucking at the flesh of my neck as he pressed me down onto the bed, forcing me to take his full weight.

“Nico,” I gasped, wiggling under him, his cock at an extreme angle, impaling me again and again. He forced my legs wide with his, hips making fast, hard circles, his pelvis rocking against my ass.

“Rub your pussy,” he insisted, panting in my ear. “Get yourself off. I want to come inside you.”

I twisted my hips so I could reach my pussy from underneath, rubbing furiously at my throbbing clit, closing my eyes and just letting him fuck me. The hard, thrusting swell of his cock drove me on, and I surrendered to the sensation, letting him take me just where I’d wanted to go all along. It was exquisite torture, our bodies shiny with sweat from the effort.

“Oh fuck!” He slowed, but I knew it was too late. I could feel how his cock swelled inside of me, beginning to pulse. “Ohhhhhh fuck! Fuck! I’m coming!”

“Yes!” I gasped and spread for him, arching my back and giving him more of my pussy, taking him as deep as I could. My own orgasm chased his, finally catching up just as the last of his cum overflowed my capacity, seeping out around the base of his cock. I screamed as the force of it surged through me, fully alive and electric, the thundering force of it threatening to melt me into a puddle on the mattress.

“Oh bella.” He collapsed, kissing me deeply before rolling to the side, pulling me in close and yanking the covers over us. I didn’t say anything, but snuggled back happily in his arms, too dazed and confused to do anything else. We rested like that for a long time, quiet, our breathing deep and even.

I thought about going home. I didn’t want to be here when Mason got back. Nico was breathing deep and even beside me, and I thought he was asleep. He probably thought I was too.

Which is why I didn’t say a word when he kissed my temple and whispered, “Choose me, bella. Choose me. Please, choose me.”

I just kept my eyes closed.