Letting Go

SEVENTEEN

“MY darling deserves a reward,” Dash said in a husky voice.

Joss glanced up as he closed the door after seeing Jensen out. “What did I do?”

He smiled and leaned down to kiss her. “You were, as always, a fantastic hostess. You made Jensen feel welcome and alleviated any potential awkwardness by asking for a meeting before he came on board. Thanks for that, love.”

She smiled back and twined her arms around his neck. “I’m glad you approve. Now what’s this about a reward?”

His eyes darkened, sending a shiver down her spine. She got the feeling that this reward was not going to be a typical one.

“I’m going to tell you what I have in mind,” he murmured. “In exacting detail. And then you have to be honest and tell me if you’re up for what I have planned. The hell of it is I don’t know who will be more rewarded. You or me.”

“Is there any reason we can’t both be rewarded?” she asked innocently.

“I hope to hell not,” he growled.

“Then tell me what it is you have planned and I’ll tell you whether I’m up for it,” she said with a grin.

He wrapped his arms around her, keeping her linked to him and her arms in place around his neck. As he walked her backward into the living room, he nibbled and nipped at her neck and up to her ear, sending chill bumps dancing over her skin.

“First you’re going to strip down until you’re completely naked,” he whispered against her ear. “Then I’m going to tie you up so you’re completely powerless and subject to my every whim.”

“Mmm, sounds good so far,” she murmured.

“Then I’m going to insert a plug to prepare you for me. After that I’m going to spank that sweet ass of yours until it’s rosy with my marks.”

She shivered uncontrollably, her mind exploding with the images he evoked. She let out a small whimper as he sucked the lobe of her ear into his mouth. God, she could come with just his words. She was already aching with need. Her nipples tingled and hardened to painful points. Her clit pulsed and twitched between her legs until she clamped her thighs together to alleviate the burn.

“And then I’m going to fuck your mouth, Joss. But I won’t come. Not yet. When I’m close, I’ll flog you again until your ass is burning and you’re on fire with the need for relief. And then I’m going to fuck that ass. I’m going to take you hard and rough, to the very limits of what you can withstand. I won’t be gentle. Not tonight. I’m going to take you as roughly as you can stand. And then I’m going to come all over your ass. I’ll mark it with my cum just like I marked you with the crop. And then I’ll fuck you some more, filling your ass until it spills down the insides of your gorgeous thighs. Think you can handle that, honey? Are you ready to be completely and utterly dominated? Taken over and used purely for my pleasure?”

The words were silky in her ears, sending her into a dreamlike haze. She could barely form a coherent response, so aroused was she by his statements. It was everything she’d fantasized about, only now it was real and in the here and now and not in her darkest dreams. Was she ready? Was this truly what she wanted or was it merely a fantasy better left in the realm of fantasies, never to be brought to life?

“Tell me, Joss,” he said roughly, tightening his hold around her. “Give me the words.”

As he spoke his demand, his fingers wound around her hair, pulling it tight until her scalp tingled. This was a side of Dash she’d never seen, never dreamed existed. She licked her lips, her mouth dry with desire and need. So much need.

“Yes,” she croaked out. “I want it, Dash. I want it all. I want you.”

“Your safe word,” he said in a guttural voice. “Remember your safe word. If I go too far, use it and I’ll stop immediately. Tell me the word so I know you remember.”

She scrambled to remember what she’d decided on. She couldn’t imagine Dash going beyond her limits when he seemed so in tune with her needs.

“G-ghost,” she stammered out.

“Very good,” he said softly, sucking at her ear again. “But be sure, Joss. Because when you say that word, it ends and the mood will be broken. There won’t be any going back. So be very sure that you truly want me to stop and aren’t just overwhelmed by the moment. I’ll push your limits. You want a man to push you. You’ve said as much. So don’t chicken out the first time things get intense. Because this will be intense, Joss. You need to understand that. When I say I’m going to mark your ass, it’s no game. I will spank you hard. I’ll raise welts on that pretty skin of yours. I won’t break the skin, but you’ll wear the marks the next day and be reminded that I put them there. I want to look at them the next morning and remember that I put them there.”

She nodded her agreement but then quickly voiced her acceptance, knowing he’d force her to say the words, to fully acknowledge the step they were taking.

“I won’t use it unless I’m absolutely certain I don’t want to continue,” she said softly. “I trust you, Dash. I know you won’t go too far. And I do want it all. The full measure. I don’t want you to hold back. I want you to do what it is you want without fear of hurting or frightening me.”

“That means a lot to me, honey. Now, if we’re finished with talking, I’d rather get on to getting you naked and bound and at my mercy.”

“Me too,” she whispered.

“Go into the bedroom, undress and kneel at the foot of the bed. I’ll be there as soon as I get the necessary items. Remember your position. Thighs spread, palms up and resting on your legs.”

“I remember, Dash. You don’t have to remind me. I won’t disappoint you.”

He smiled tenderly at her. “I know you won’t, honey. Now go. I’ll be there in just a moment.”

Joss hurried toward the bedroom, her pulse thudding in her veins. She was so aroused and excited that she was dizzy with it. His words echoed in her mind, vivid and erotic. She was wildly aroused, so excited that she couldn’t remain still.

Even when she’d hurriedly undressed and sank to her knees to wait, she fidgeted with impatience. Yes, she’d fantasized about a man having complete control over her body. Of being bound and vulnerable. Of having a man mark her. Inflicting pain that quickly faded to pleasure. But would the reality hold up to her darkest fantasies? Would she enjoy him spanking her and would it be enjoyable or would it be painful with none of the pleasure she imagined?

There was only one way to find out. She’d given herself to Dash to do with as he pleased. She hoped with all her heart that it didn’t turn out to be awful. She didn’t want to wimp out and use her safe word the very first time he pushed her boundaries. He’d said she’d never disappoint him, but how could she do anything else if she backed out the minute things got edgy?

The wait seemed interminable, though she was sure only moments had elapsed since she’d left Dash to wait for him in the bedroom. She forced herself to maintain her position and be patient. She’d do nothing to disappoint him. Not when he’d been so patient and understanding with her.

He entered a scant second later carrying rope, a flogger and a plug that looked enormous. Her eyes widened as she imagined taking that into her body. It didn’t look possible!

He smiled at her reaction. “Don’t worry, darling. I’m not going to just shove it in. I’ll work you up and go easy. You’ll take it just fine. And then you’ll take me. All of me.”

She shivered again, her eyes half-lidded as a drugged sensation overtook her. He had yet to touch her and already she had entered another zone altogether. Euphoria heightened her senses. She was painfully aware of his presence. Anticipated that first command, that first touch. She wasn’t sure how she’d possibly hold out. She was already so close to the edge and there was so much more to come. He’d very vividly outlined precisely what he planned.

He dropped the instruments on the edge of the bed and then slowly unzipped his pants, pulling his rigid cock free of confinement. Then he positioned himself in front of her, his erection straining upward. He grasped the base and lowered the tip to her lips.

“Maintain your position. Don’t move a muscle. Open your mouth and let me in.”

Careful to remain perfectly still, she parted her lips as he nudged inward. He didn’t take her roughly. In fact, his thrusts were slow and measured, sliding over her tongue, allowing her to taste and feel the thickness of his cock.

She savored the wholly male taste of him. Inhaled his scent. His hands slid into her hair, gripping her harder and holding her firmly in place as he fucked her mouth. A tiny spurt of liquid spilled onto her tongue and she swallowed, sucking greedily for more. He laughed and withdrew, tapping her cheek lightly in reprimand.

He lowered his hand, motioning for her to take it. Then he lifted her to her feet, holding her when she was unsteady, so on edge. Her knees felt like jelly. Thankfully she didn’t have far to walk. She felt drunk. High on anticipation, eager to experience all that he’d promised her.

“Get onto the bed. I want you in the middle, on your knees, facing the headboard. I’m going to tie your hands above your head to either post and then I’m going to tie your ankles to the lower bedposts. You’ll be helpless, Joss. Completely and utterly at my mercy. And tonight I plan to have no mercy with you. I’m going to push you to the very edge of your limits. We spoke of those limits and that you wouldn’t know what they were until you got there. Tonight we’ll both find out just what those limits are. Remember your safe word. There is no shame in using it if you’re truly past your limits. But give yourself time. Don’t back out at the first moment of uncertainty. Trust yourself—and me—to get you where you want to go. Just let go, Joss. I’ll be here to catch you. I’ll always catch you.”

She closed her eyes, his words washing over her like the sweetest of balms. He gave her peace. Reassurance. That she could be who she truly wanted to be with him. That he wouldn’t judge her nor would he be disappointed in her if she did back out. His tenderness only made her more determined that she’d take anything he dished out and beg for more.

She crawled onto the bed, her limbs shaking, her entire body quivering with need. Harsh, edgy craving. She wanted him—what he could give her—more than she’d wanted anything else in her life.

This was the first step in claiming her destiny. Of becoming the woman she’d always wanted to be. Of claiming the man she’d always wanted. Her past melted away. Thoughts of Carson fled. She loved him—would always love him—and this was no betrayal of her marriage.

Peace enveloped her in its tender embrace. Surrounding her, filling her heart. Much as Dash had in only a few short days. How could she have never known?

Because she’d never opened her eyes fully. She’d never looked at him, truly looked. And now that she’d finally seen him, she recognized him as the missing piece of her soul.

“Arms up,” Dash ordered.

She arranged her arms over her head, supporting herself on her forearms but holding her hands up for him to coil the rope around her wrists.

He wrapped the soft rope around one wrist and then stretched the rope to the post at the corner. Then he took another piece and repeated the process on the other side so both wrists were bound, the rope pulled tight so there was no give.

When he finished her hands, he went to the bottom of the bed and secured each ankle before stretching the rope to both posts, effectively rendering her motionless. There was no possible way for her to move.

Her thoughts were muddled, scrambled, and she searched for what he’d said was the next step. Then her breath caught. The plug. He’d said he was going to insert the plug and then flog her.

Her pulse accelerated the moment his hand slid over her buttocks, petting and caressing until she was twitching with need. Then he pulled away. She tried to look over her shoulder but it put too much strain on her shoulders so she faced ahead, waiting breathlessly for what came next.

His hand moved back to her behind, parting her cheeks and then she felt the cool shock of lubricant. He traced the seam, pausing at the entrance, smearing the gel over the opening. Then he pushed in with just a fingertip and her breath caught.

Her body protested the barest of penetrations, squeezing and rejecting his finger. But he persisted, exerting firm pressure until it slid inward to his knuckle. She gasped, jolted by the sudden breach.

He leaned down and kissed the plump cheek of her behind and then nipped her flesh with his teeth. Using her distraction, he slid in another finger, more lubricant easing its pathway.

He began to stroke, in and out, lubricating her passageway. After several long moments that drove her insane he withdrew his fingers and then squeezed more of the gel over the seam. Then she felt the blunt head of the plug probing gently at her tight ring. He pushed inward the barest amount before withdrawing it and pushing forward once more.

He slipped his free hand underneath to her belly and then down, through her folds to her tingling clit. He began stroking her, rubbing in a tight circle as he forced the plug deeper into her body.

Her pussy was quivering with need, wet with desire, and she found herself trying to push back against the plug, wanting—needing—more.

“That’s it, darling,” he murmured. “Almost there. Embrace it. The pain will pass. Reach for it, hold on to it. Allow the pleasure to take over.”

His fingers slipped lower, rimming her vaginal opening while he pushed the plug even farther. It was now at its widest point, stretching her impossibly. The burn was intense but his fingers were working magic on her clit and pussy. She was nearly mindless, restless and edgy, fighting off her impending orgasm because she knew without the intense buildup the plug would only hurt.

Just when she thought she couldn’t stand another minute, it was as if her body caved in, completely surrendered and allowed the plug access. His fingers left her clit and she breathed in deep, steadying breaths, sweat beading her forehead as shallow pants burst from her lips.

He kissed her bottom again and then pressed another kiss to the small of her back.

“Give yourself a moment to come down,” he said quietly. “I want you so on edge when I finally fuck your ass that you’ll be mindless with pleasure. I’m getting the flogger now. I want you to think about how the kiss of leather will feel on your skin. Don’t shy away from the pain. Embrace it. Because after the pain comes the pleasure. For many women, pain is the gateway to subspace. Once you reach that level, you’ll feel nothing but the sweetest of pleasures. I’ll get you there, Joss. Trust me to get us both there.”

She nodded, incapable of speech. She wanted his mark on her skin. Wanted to feel the fiery sensation of the leather slapping her skin. Everything she’d heard about, read about, fantasized about was about to happen.

She closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of his movements. And then she heard the sharp smack of leather. Her eyes jerked open. The noise had jarred her from her dreamlike state, but there was no pain. It took her a moment to realize that he hadn’t struck her. Not yet.

She flinched when he touched the leather flap to her spine near the base of her skull and slowly slid it down her back to her buttocks where the plug split her cheeks. She held her breath, anticipating, waiting. But nothing happened.

“Breathe, Joss. Don’t hold it in. I’ll make you wait even longer if you don’t relax.”

She blew out her breath, sagging as she tried to force herself to comply with his order. And then pain blew over her skin like a blowtorch. She jumped, unable to prevent her reaction to the shock of that first blow. Her eyes widened in surprise. That had hurt!

It was instinctive to immediately say her safe word, to retreat behind the safety that word gave her. But she bit her lip, determined to stick it out.

The second blow didn’t take her as unaware as the first. She breathed through the burn until it faded and then, as he’d promised, pleasure replaced the pain, a different kind of burn spreading over her body.

The third didn’t hurt as much as the first two even though it was, in fact, harder. By now she knew what to expect and didn’t dread them as much as she had the first. Pleasure was faster to replace the discomfort and she reached for it. Embraced it just like he’d told her to.

He peppered blows over each cheek, never hitting the same place two times in a row. He picked up the speed and they came harder now, one after the other, until the world around her fell away. Everything was hazy, a sense of euphoria seeping through her veins, spreading like wildfire over her body.

Was this what he referred to as subspace? She’d read about it. Knew it happened for some women when they entered a different plane and felt no pain, only the sweetest of pleasures.

It was a high she’d never experienced before. She lifted upward, seeking the blows before they fell. She craved them. Wanted more. Harder. Faster.

It took her a moment to realize that he’d stopped. Her flesh hummed and buzzed with heat. She was supersensitive. She flinched when his hand touched her behind, caressing the welts he’d raised.

“So fucking beautiful,” he said, his voice thick with desire. “My marks on you. Never seen a more beautiful sight. I know I said I was going to fuck your mouth and then your ass, but honey, I’m dying to get inside that ass. I’ll never make it if you wrap those pretty lips around my dick.”

She moaned softly, closing her eyes as she imagined Dash fucking her from behind. Taking her where no man had ever been before. And her helpless to do anything but take it. Whatever he wanted to do to her, however he wanted to do it.

He pressed his lips to one cheek and then the other, the reverence in his actions bringing tears to her eyes. She breathed in deep, inhaling the scent of desire in the air. Savoring it, committing to memory this night. All of it. She knew there would be more nights to come, but this was the first. Not the first time they’d made love, but the first time he’d truly demonstrated his dominance—and she, her submission.

It was a beautiful thing. Never would she have imagined the sheer beauty of such an act. Now she understood better why Dash said it was a gift. One to be cherished. But she wasn’t the only one offering the gift of herself. Dash was gifting her with his dominance. His absolute care of her. His demonstration of power. It could so easily be abused and yet he walked that fine line between not enough and too much.

He gently began pulling the plug from her behind. Her body clutched at it, not wanting to let it go. He exerted steady pressure and suddenly it was free, her opening caving in after so much pressure. She sagged, feeling deflated once the sense of fullness was gone. She was left achingly empty, bereft of that pleasurable tightness of her stretched around the plug.

How much better would it feel when he was filling her instead of a rubber object? She craved it with every part of herself. Wanted him deeply within her, possessing her, demonstrating his absolute ownership of her.

The bed dipped at her knees as he climbed onto the bed and positioned himself between her spread legs. His hands trailed up the backs of her legs, over the sensitive skin behind her knees and then higher to her ass. He cupped and petted the twin globes, running his fingers over the raised welts before finally spreading her, opening her to his pending invasion.

She immediately tensed, her reaction automatic. He smacked her ass, just enough to jar her, but not enough to hurt her.

“Relax, honey. It’ll hurt a hell of a lot more if you tense up like that when I’m trying to get inside you. I used plenty of lubricant. You’re ready for me. You can take me. Relax and let me do the work.”

She forced herself to do as he commanded. And he waited, maintaining his position behind her, stroking and caressing her body until finally the tension began leaving her and her muscles became loose and limber once more.

It was at that moment that he pushed forward, parting her cheeks and thrusting inward. It wasn’t hard or forceful. He only gained about an inch, but she sucked in her breath, her eyes going wide as she felt herself stretch to accommodate him.

If she’d thought the plug was impossible then he was even more so. How on earth could she possibly hope to take him? What choice did she have? Whether she thought she could or couldn’t, he wasn’t giving her an option. He was going to force his way inside her.

The thought gave her a decadent thrill. A dark and edgy sensation that snaked through her veins, catapulting her right back into the same subspace as before. The whole experience took on a dreamlike quality. She hovered between fantasy and reality as he pushed forward, pressing steadily inward until she stretched even farther to accommodate him.

“Almost there, honey,” he soothed, caressing her back with both hands. “Just a bit more and you’ll have taken all of me.”

“Hurry,” she whispered, biting her lip to prevent her from begging for more.

When he pulled away she whimpered her displeasure, but then he was back. With one powerful thrust he was all the way into her. Her cry shattered the quiet and she instinctively tried to lurch forward, away from his invasion, but her bonds kept her from escaping.

His hands curled around her hips, his fingers digging into her flesh, marking her the same way the flogger had. He let out a low growl and yanked her back to meet his thrust. He was buried to the balls. She could feel the heavy sac and the crisp hairs surrounding his cock against her behind.

She was panting, gasping for breath, dizzy and buzzing from a high like she’d never experienced. Then he reached underneath her, stroking lightly over her clit. She let out another sharp cry, her orgasm nearly rocketing through her. Oh God, not yet. She couldn’t come yet. It would all be over and that wasn’t what she wanted.

“How close are you, honey?” Dash ground out.

“Close,” she said in a desperate voice. “Don’t touch me. Not yet. Not until you’re ready to come. I’m so close, Dash. Too close.”

He leaned down and kissed between her shoulder blades, but his fingers stilled at her clit. He twitched and pulsed inside her.

“I’m close too,” he said in a guttural tone. “I want it to last. You’re so sweet, Joss. So damn sweet. Your ass is as perfect as the rest of you. So tight and hot, sucking me in like a greedy fist.”

She closed her eyes, breathing deeply through her nose. He wasn’t touching her and yet she still hovered precariously on edge. It wouldn’t take much at all for her to go off like a bomb.

He slid both hands up her body underneath to cup her breasts. He toyed with her nipples as he lay over her, perfectly still inside her. He cupped and toyed with her breasts, caressing and rolling the nipples between his fingertips.

Finally he lifted himself upward again and his hands fell away from her breasts. He grasped her waist and withdrew, hammering forward again, driving deep and hard. For several moments he repeated those motions. Withdrawing until only the tip remained inside her opening and then thrusting savagely.

He’d told her he’d show her no mercy. That he’d fuck her rough and hard. That he’d push her boundaries. But not since that very first blow that had shocked her with the pain and intensity had she even considered calling a halt to it all. She wanted it too much. Craved it with her entire being.

Now that she’d had a taste of his dominance, she was already addicted. Like a druggie desperate for her next fix. She’d never get enough of him. His power. His control. It called to the deepest, darkest parts of her soul. She came alive under his ownership. Like a flower in spring after lying dormant for the winter.

“Going to go hard at you, Joss,” he said through clenched teeth. “I’ll be rough and I won’t stop unless you use your safe word.”

She shook uncontrollably. She’d thought he’d been rough and hard already. There was more? Had he been holding back until now?

She soon had her answer when he levered himself higher over her, in a position of greater dominance. He spread her cheeks wide with both hands, holding her open to his invasion. And then he took her with savagery that took her breath away.

Hard. Fast. Deep.

Over and over he rammed into her, overwhelming her with the power of his possession. The room blurred around her. She wasn’t cognizant of anything but the power he demonstrated. It hurt. It burned. It was the most intense pleasure she’d ever experienced.

And then he ripped himself from her body and hot jets of semen splattered onto her behind. Some of it slid inside her still- open entrance, distended from his fierce penetration. The rest spilled onto her back and her ass. Then, as he’d promised, he thrust inside her again, still coming, still pumping his release deep into her body.

She felt the hot liquid seep from her opening with every thrust. It ran down the insides of her legs in a hot rush. Then he plunged forward to the hilt, pressing hard against her ass as his body quivered over hers.

He reached around, sliding his fingers over her clit once more. She jerked in response. She was so worked up, so incredibly aroused, that his touch was nearly painful and yet she craved more. Needed more. She needed to come.

“I’m going to stay inside you until you come,” he said in a strained voice. “I want to feel you fall apart with me deep in your ass.”

His fingers exerted more pressure, rolling her clit in a tight circle. The dual sensation, his cock in her ass, his fingers caressing her clitoris, it was all too much.

Her orgasm crashed over her like a giant wave. She lost all awareness. She was lost in the throes of her release. She was covered in his cum, his cock still deeply embedded in her as she convulsed and squeezed him even tighter.

He groaned. She cried out. And then both fell forward as much as the ropes restraining her would allow.

His chest rose and fell sharply, a match to her own as she struggled to gain her breath.

“You okay?” he asked tenderly as he brushed the hair from her cheek.

“Mmm-hmm,” she hummed.

“Give me a minute to get you untied and cleaned up.”

“Not going anywhere,” she mumbled.

He chuckled at that. “I suppose not since I have you tied securely to my bed. I like it. I like it a hell of a lot. I could get used to having you at my beck and call at all times.”

She couldn’t even muster a protest to his joking. She was too undone. Tired. Exhausted. But more sated and content than she’d ever been.

Moments later he gently untied her, after cleaning the semen from her skin with a damp cloth. When she was free, he sat her on the edge of the bed and inspected her ankles and wrists for any abrasions. Then he kissed each slightly red spot where the ropes had pressed into her skin and rubbed the feeling back into her feet when she muttered that she couldn’t feel them.

For that matter she couldn’t feel much of anything. She was too shattered by her experience. She felt numb and out of it, like she’d just come out of a stupor. Perhaps she was still in it.

When he was finished, he pushed up to his knees and pulled her into his arms so her head was pillowed on his shoulder. He stroked his hand up and down her back as he kissed her hair.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Joss,” he said quietly.

She attempted a smile as she pulled away, but she was too bone weary to pull it off. Instead she reached out to his face, cupping both her hands over his jaw. She caressed his face, letting her fingers wander over his cheekbones.

“I think that was the most incredible sexual experience of my life. That’s what I think,” she said honestly.

He smiled, relief evident in his eyes. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. It was an action he often performed. She liked the intimacy of the gesture. Loved that he was openly affectionate. She found it endearing that he liked touching her so often.

“I meant to make it last much longer,” he said ruefully. “I’m not normally so quick on the draw. But you make me that way, Joss. You make me crazy. I touch you, kiss you, feel you and I have to have you until I’m nearly blind with lust.”

She smiled at him and leaned that inch between their mouths to kiss him. “We have plenty of time to draw it out longer and make it last. We’re still learning one another. This is all still new.”

“Bet your sweet, sore ass we do,” he said with a grin. “Heads-up, because I will put you through the paces and make you last a lot longer than we did tonight.”

“My ass is sore,” she said, wincing as she shifted her weight.

“Then I’ll have to kiss it and make it all better,” he said in a silky voice.

He reached forward, scooping her effortlessly into his arms, and then settled her onto the bed, pulling back the covers and then arranging them over her. He kissed her again and then walked around to crawl into bed on his side.

She went readily into his arms, enjoying the solid warmth of his body. He didn’t tie her tonight. Maybe he’d forgotten or perhaps he was afraid that the rope he’d used earlier had abraded her skin and he was giving her a rest. It didn’t matter. She was as close as she could get to him and he was wrapped around her. It was enough.

In the middle of the night, Dash was awakened by Joss stirring restlessly. He started to wake her, thinking she was having a bad dream, but before he could, she murmured, “Carson.”

He went still, the single word freezing his heart. She sounded . . . sad. Like she was missing him. Not what he wanted to hear when he’d just made love to her. When she wore the marks of his dominance and possession.

She turned away from him, curling into a ball, never waking. Dash lay there, only inches away but seemingly a world apart.

And while she slept, quiet and peaceful now, Dash lay awake, in brooding silence.