Lions

~ ~ ~

Leigh and Gordon left home in the old truck, their things packed on a small trailer and in the bed, blue tarps neatly cinched down over all of it.

“They’ll stop and ticket you if you don’t tie it down real well,” he said, circling the bed and checking each taut hitch.

There’s a photograph of them from their last night together in Lions that Georgianna kept pinned to her refrigerator for years. It’s evening in the photograph, late summer. Leigh is barefoot in a pair of Gordon’s jeans that she cut off into shorts, with a red bandana tied over her hair. She’s sitting on the stoop in front of the Walkers’ old white house, next to Georgianna, who’s in her long cotton yellow sundress and one of John’s old shirts, and has her arm around Leigh, face turned to her. Leigh has both fists beneath her chin, elbows propped on her brown knees. In the foreground, to the left, Gordon is carrying a box of her clothes. He’s looking past May, who took the photograph, as if there were someone or something just behind her. His expression is one of intelligence and calm. If you were holding the photograph in your hand, he’d be looking right over your shoulder.

In the truck, on the way, there was a weight and a tightness in the silence between them. They held hands briefly, twice, their interlaced fingers resting in the space between the driver and passenger side seats where even a season ago she would have been sitting. The first time Gordon disengaged his hand to turn the radio station, and the second time Leigh pulled hers away.

The truck scattered desert light as they sped over the highway. The grass thinned out as the plain beneath them rose. Pleated and wrinkled, the golden ground unrolled in an unmarked parchment around them. Outside the windshield, a tiny, empty grain elevator jackknifed against the sky, which was a perfect heartache blue. They’d rolled their windows down and the air outside was hot as smoke and the loose daylight and dust made their eyes fill with tears.

“I thought I’d feel freer.”

“We’re not even halfway there.”

She turned the radio off, then on again, and scanned. Country songs. Commercials. She turned it off. “Are there any radio stations up there?”

“Up where?”

“Where you go.”

“It’s not like I drive to the moon.”

“Why didn’t you ever take me?”

He gave her a look of surprise. “You’d want to go?”

“Not really.”

He said nothing.

“I didn’t think it would be like this,” she said. “This summer. This drive to college.”

“Me either.”

“I guess I have to forgive your shitty behavior.”

Gordon glanced at her a moment, then focused on the road before him. “Guess I have to forgive yours.”

Five miles outside of the city, when the traffic increased and the highway widened, Leigh made him stop at a Walmart, where she bought a blue and white polka-dot dress that flared out from her waist, and glitter for the backs of her wrists, and earrings of looped silver wire. She bought soap and lotion and a caddy for the shower, and new underwear and three T-shirts, new sheets, two towels and three scented candles. Gordon waited in the café, where he drank a cup of black coffee and made funny faces across his table to a child in the adjacent booth. When she was finished shopping, he waited for her outside while she changed in the bathroom.

“Very nice,” he said when she had lifted her bags in the cab of the truck and turned for him in her polka dots. “But I like you in your regular clothes.”

“Don’t be a party pooper,” she said. “Don’t you need anything?”

“I’m good.” They climbed in the truck and he pulled out of the parking lot back onto the road.

“Don’t you want anything?”

“I’m good.”

“Hungry?”

“Eh.”

“Let’s go somewhere good. I’ll buy.”

He lifted one of the foiled-wrapped sandwiches May had given them. “We have these.”

Leigh took them and one at a time threw them out the window.

“Hey,” he said. “I could get a ticket for that.”

“You and your tickets.”

“They’re perfectly good sandwiches.”

“This from the guy who eats cheese and tomato sandwiches from the gas station outside of Burnsville.”

“It’s food. It shouldn’t be wasted.”

She reached over and pinched the back of his upper arm. “Oh, lighten up a little.”

“You got to tell me how to do that.”

They glanced at each other and laughed. He took her hand.

Leigh found the city an almost unbelievable solace. They pulled into town by late afternoon along a narrow, busy street with long lawns of green and blue velvet and sprinklers and fountains and entire blocks of brick and painted houses and landscaped yards. All that hot summer in Lions and here were thick white beds of impatiens and window boxes of bright green geraniums. Huge canopies of imported oak trees and maple trees, alder and aspen and ash. There was no white glare, none of the human dust of home. There were pubs and cafés and restaurants and bars and farmers’ markets and grocery stores and co-ops and art galleries and somehow, in its design to address her every need, it placed her at the center of the world, in the middle of every room.

“Park somewhere,” she said.

“We have to unload this stuff.”

“Come on,” she took his arm. “No one’s going to take anything.”

He shook his head — no short cuts — and drove toward campus where they found her dormitory and he helped her unload everything into her room. Her roommate, a young woman from Pueblo, had not yet arrived. Gordon hauled in the few crates and boxes of Leigh’s things while she unpacked them in the room. He hung every picture straight, moved the dresser where she asked him to, turned the bed so her body would lie lengthwise against the windows, as it had at home.

“Your turn?” she asked, collapsing in a dorm-issued armchair.

“You don’t have to help.”

“Meet me somewhere then. I’m going to walk through town.”

Outside, the sun lowered and the shadows lengthened and the beauty of the day deepened. She went everywhere, stepped inside every store. Touched dresses, smelled perfurmed oils, smiled broadly at the young women working behind the registers. Here it finally was. People smiled back at her. Young men said hello. Somewhere in her mind was Lions — hollow, bare, too bright to see, each building and familiar house and barn obliterated behind a burst of blinding sun. The very name of the place an echo on empty plain.

A couple hours, one fizzy lemon drink, a pair of sandals and two silk scarves later she found Gordon in his room. It was on the opposite side of campus from her own — oddly far away after living a hundred feet apart from him all her life — in a small, brick building of four floors. Nothing like the massive tower she’d been assigned to. His roommate, an Emerson Perez, had at the last minute arranged to live off campus and left Gordon without any company. This meant he had two narrow rooms to himself; in one, a long, metal-framed twin bed, where he slept, and in the other, John’s old armchair he’d unloaded and set up as if it were the Walkers’ old living room. Next to it, the Naugahyde chair that had come in the dorm room. He hung a spider plant in a pot that Leigh had made as a girl, and given to John on Father’s Day, over which she recalled Georgianna and May exchanging a wink and, on May’s part, a deep laugh. Also on this side of the room Gordon unfolded the brown, orange, and mustard-colored afghan that Georgianna had crocheted herself and which had been on the couch at home. He set up John’s books in half a dozen neat stacks beside his chair, the binoculars from the shop alongside the books.

Leigh stepped into his room and saw all of it.

He sat in the old chair with his hands spread open on its arms and smiled at her across the dimly lit room.

“What do you think?”

“I — don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t look like that,” he said. “Who else’s stuff could I have brought? Come on, Leigh. I don’t have all the tip money saved that you have, for new stuff.”

“I guess.”

“Mom told me to bring whatever I needed.”

“No,” she said. “I know.”

“Sit down.”

“It’s still light. There’s live music downtown. I have to go to the grocery store.”

“Can’t we just sit here together in the quiet for a little? Half an hour?”

So she sat in the dorm chair beside John Walker’s chair and Gordon poured them each a shot of whiskey. She looked across the soccer field outside Gordon’s building at a handful of young men passing a ball and running up and down the field. On the far side, a trio of girls in bright T-shirts walked arm in arm in arm toward a street packed with bicycles and cars. Tricked-out pickup trucks paraded in endless loops. All the lawns were thick and soft.

After they finished their whiskeys she convinced Gordon to drive her to the overbright, overstuffed grocery, but afterward he insisted on going back to his dorm.

“You just want to sit in your room?”

He shrugged. “Tired, I guess.”

“Everything you could possibly want or need is here, Gordon.”

“Need for what?”