Chapter 38

MY ANKLES TURNED NUMB, my shins ached. My calves and thighs burned up. I knew I couldn’t hold on much longer. The rope dug tighter and tighter. It was hard to breathe. I started to feel my shoulders grow heavy. My mind was all over the place – awash with strange sensations. Lights, flashes. At any moment, I knew, I could slip into unconsciousness. Paul paced before me: he spoke as though he was giving a lecture, but most of it missed me. I tried to tune in, caught odd words, phrases, but everything was blurring on me. He stopped still, leaned in and stared at the stool, ‘You won’t last the night, Dury… you’re just about done as it is.’

I heard more thuds on the door; they seemed to grow even louder and louder, but the broom handle held.

‘Get that fucking door,’ yelled Paul.

A couple of the group split off, ran for the front of the hall.

‘Hurry up,’ shouted Paul.

The lads got to the door, put hands on it; the banging continued. I could hear voices now, hysterical women’s voices. I didn’t know where they came from – my head, probably. Nothing seemed real to me any more; the noose cut deeper, blocked off my circulation. I choked, my breath thinned. I felt light-headed, drowsy. I wanted to drop into deep sleep. The women continued to wail, they called my name now, ‘Gus… Gus… Gus…’

Christ on a cross, where was I? I felt enormous pain in my back, at the base of my neck, where my skull joined my spine. It felt like an electric drill had started boring into me. I wanted to yell in agony but I had no strength left.

Michael loomed before me, shaking his head. He was younger than I remembered, a mere boy. He admonished me, started to speak, but his words were drowned out by the women, ‘Gus… Gus… Gus.’

Bright lights flashed in my eyes. Flashing like strobes. I saw two pinpoints at the end of long roads. They shone so hard I wanted to vomit.

A loud crash came. I heard scuffles, but I couldn’t see a thing now. I tried to open my eyes, but the effort was too much for me. I felt a pounding in my chest, my heart started to skip beats, raced and raced. Now a tightening in my chest: if the noose didn’t do for me, I knew I was minutes from cardiac arrest.

‘You fuck, Dury.’ It was Paul. He grabbed me, I spun on the stool. I found strength to open my eyes, my vision returned. It was blurred but I could see Paul’s red fringe shaking before me. ‘You did this… you fucking…’

He went on, but his voice was drowned out by the wails from the other end of the hall.

‘Gus… Gus…’

I recognised the voice.

Paul looked on, open-mouthed, as the doors burst open, a blur of bodies ran into the hall. He couldn’t seem to comprehend the turn of events – it just wasn’t on his radar. He had the whole game sussed, so he’d thought.

‘Gus…’ the voice shrieked out, shriller than before. It was Amy. She tried to run to me but was restrained by Paul’s mob. Hod was throwing wild punches, cracking heads. The grand arc of his hook dropped lads on the floor with each clean punch. He moved fast, near laughed off all attempts to land a glove on him. The man was on fire. Busting out of his skin.

Behind him Tina came running. Gillian followed, but made her way more slowly. There was a scuffle as Paul’s crew ran to hold them back, but they wide-berthed them, shook them off as they ran for the stage behind Amy.

‘Get off me,’ roared Tina. Gillian raised her hands to her mouth as she caught sight of me, tied up on the stage, a noose round my neck. Tina yelled out again, ‘Don’t do it… don’t.’

Paul jumped down from the stage to front Tina. He grabbed her arms in his hands. She struggled violently as he yelled, ‘You can’t tell me what to do!’

Gillian ran for Paul, pulled Tina from his clutches. ‘Leave her alone, leave her…’ She hit out, slapped at him with the flats of her hands. I felt the whole room start to spin, then fade out as the yelling continued.

‘You don’t understand,’ said Paul.

You don’t fucking understand,’ roared Tina. She was hysterical, screaming, tears streaming down her face: ‘I saw him on the stool… I came here, I saw Ben on the stool.’

Hod broke away from the mob, ran to Tina. His face was bloodied, his hair wet to his brow. He was short of breath, exhausted as he shouted, ‘The police are coming…’

I tried to call to him, but my tongue was swollen, immovable in my mouth.

Hod seemed to sense me, roared out, ‘Fitz called. I told him where you were… he’s coming.’

Paul spun off from Gillian and Tina, fronted Hod: ‘You fucking moron.’ He lashed out, caught Hod with a lucky punch; it floored him. I felt all hope leave me. The rope bit tighter but I couldn’t feel a thing now. Paul looked maddened as he ran to the window, peered out and raised hands to his head. Blue lights were flashing on the panes; I could hear sirens.

Paul turned back to Tina. ‘You saw him here?’

Gillian held on to her. ‘Let me go,’ said Tina. She hit out with her hands, scratching with her nails as she tried to push the actress away. She screamed out, ‘I saw him on the stool… he wanted me to cut him down. I couldn’t… I couldn’t, Gillian… He raped me.’

Gillian threw arms around her again, held her tight. The pair blurred into one amorphous mass in my tired vision, ‘No. No. Don’t…’ Gillian cried.

‘I kicked the stool away,’ said Tina. ‘He raped me. They all did. I wanted him dead… He raped me.’

The doors to the hall swung open again. Suddenly a flood of uniforms ran in. They spread out like ants, surrounding the group of lads wherever they ran, clasping mitts on them, cuffing them up. The first figure through the door I recognised was Fitz. He stared at me, wide-eyed, his fleshy cheeks drooping with the gape of his mouth. He seemed frozen, rooted to the floor until a dark-uniformed figure swept past him, catching his arm. It was Henderson. His face had lost its hard edge. His teeth showed as he ran towards Paul, grabbed him from one of the PCs.

‘You stupid little cunt!’ bellowed Henderson.

He shook the lad by the collar, his face inches from Paul’s as he spat, ‘I fucking told you… but you wouldn’t fucking listen!’

Fitz seemed spellbound, unmoving. He looked to be trapped where he stood, nailed to the floor. Then, as if a light had been flicked on, he turned, yelled, ‘Chick… leave him.’

The super was unmoved, landed a leather-gloved fist in Paul’s gut. ‘I fucking warned you!’ The lad fell to the ground. A crowd of stunned uniforms stood helpless, not knowing whether to intervene or leave well alone.

‘Chick… Chick,’ yelled Fitz. He moved now, ran at him. His prominent gut stuck out in front of him; coat-tails flapped at his back.

Henderson’s cap went flying as he dropped to the ground, kneeled on Paul’s chest and battered into his face with fists. He called out but the words were lost to me. As the blood flew, I could taste my own rising in my throat. I gasped for breath, then steadied.

‘What did I say?’ yelled Henderson. ‘What did I tell you?’ His face contorted into jagged angles as he slumped onto the boy’s chest, beating him with blunt fists, ‘You’ve fucking ruined us all!’

Fitz reached out. ‘Chick… stop this, now!’ He tried to pull the chief super away but was thrown off balance, skidded a little then landed on his arse. His actions seemed to prompt the uniforms, though – they fell on Henderson, dragged him away. He kicked out, yelling, ‘The stupid little cunt, he ruined us… fucking ruined us.’

Fitz slowly raised himself. He looked winded as he pointed the uniforms to the door.

The scuffles ended, and now the hall seemed eerily quiet, until Gillian fell to her knees and let out a pained, wounded cry. My eyes followed her as she slumped to the ground and lay sobbing – she wasn’t acting now. I watched her whole body tremble. Her hands clawed at her face in terror, pulling the skin so tight her eyes bulged showing the red explosions of capillaries.

It was the last thing I saw as my feet lost their purchase on the stool.

The rope snapped tight.

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