Love and the Single Heiress

Chapter 12

Today's Modern Woman must realize that it is not a crime to be selfish upon occasion. In many aspects of life, women are expected to, indeed ofttimes forced to, put the wants and needs of others above her own. In many instances these sacrifices are admirable. In other instances, however, they are foolhardy. Today’s Modern Woman should take the time to look in a mirror, and say to herself, “I want this, I deserve this, I am going to have it.”

A Ladies’ Guide to the Pursuit of

Personal Happiness and Intimate Fulfillment

by Charles Brightmore

“Are we almost finished, Mr. Stanton?” Spencer asked for the third time in the last quarter hour.

Crouched on the rough wooden floor of a little-used part of the stables, Andrew smiled over his shoulder. Spencer stood next to a bale of hay, holding a broom-for the first time in his life. When Andrew had handed him the tool half an hour ago, Spencer had stared at the wooden handle for several seconds as if it were a snake, but then he got into the spirit of the task. The sheen of hard work glistened on the young man’s face, as did clear satisfaction in the fruits of his labors.

“The floor looks good,” Andrew said. “I just need to hammer a few more nails. Then we can begin.”

While Andrew set another nail in place, Spencer cleared his throat. “I want to thank you for taking such good care of my mother after the shooting.”

Andrew turned around, giving the boy his full attention. “It was my pleasure to do so, Spencer.”

“I would have thanked you sooner, but she did not tell me about it until yesterday.” He looked down and plucked a piece of hay from the bale. “When she first told me, I was not only angry at her, but at you as well for not telling me.”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you, Spencer. And your mother’s intentions were good. We all try to protect the people we love.”

“I know. Mum and I talked about it. I’m not angry anymore. She promised not to keep any more secrets from me.”

“Good.”Andrew crossed to the bale of hay and extended his hand. “I hope we are still friends?”

Spencer’s head jerked up, and his serious gaze met Andrew’s. Reaching out, he clasped Andrew’s hand in a strong grip and nodded. “Friends. But… no more secrets.”

Guilt hit Andrew like an open-handed slap, and he merely nodded in response, not willing to give voice to such a blatant falsehood. His entire life was based on secrets. And lies.

He released Spencer’s hand, then stepped back to retrieve his hammer. “I’ll finish this so we can begin,” he said. Burying his regret at being less than honest in the face of Spencer’s trust, he set a nail in the wood and pounded out his frustrations.

Ten minutes later, Andrew completed the task, and he stood to survey his handiwork. While Spencer had cleared away the dust and cobwebs from the area, he’d affixed three dozen wood rectangles, each approximately the size of a brick, to the floor to form a wide circle. Yes, this would do very nicely.

“Ready?” Andrew asked.

“Yes. And eager.” He indicated the wood blocks with his chin. “Now will you tell me what those are?”

“They’re to aid your balance during our pugilism lessons. Once you are steady on your feet, there is no reason why you cannot do well. Allow me to demonstrate. Brace the side of your weak foot along the wood, then step forward with your strong foot, keeping most of your weight on the forward leg.”

After Spencer had done so, Andrew said, “As long as you keep your weight forward, the wood will keep your weak foot from sliding, thus preventing you from falling backward.”

Spencer slowly flexed his knees several times, then a broad smile lit his face. “I say, that’s quite ingenious, Mr. Stanton.”

Andrew took a bow. “Thank you. I’m certain you did not mean to sound so shocked.”

The boy’s smile faded, and he looked distressed. “Oh, no. I-”

“ ‘Twas a jest, Spencer. Now, let’s start with the basics. There are two basic principles to pugilism. Any idea what they are?”

“To punch the other fellow and not let yourself get punched.”

“Exactly.”Andrew cocked his head. “You seem to know a great deal about this. Are you certain you’ve never done this before?”

“Most certain,” Spencer said, his face perfectly serious.

Andrew suppressed his smile. “In order to do those two things, you must know how to deliver a punch and how to block or avoid a punch.”

“I imagine speed is very important in this sport,” Spencer said, his voice wistful.

“It is. But it is not the only thing. Timing and the ability to outthink your opponent are just as important. What you may lack in speed, you will make up for in intelligence. And you’ll recall that the goal here is not to become the most feared pugilist in the kingdom-only the best that you can be.”

“But what if I can’t do it at all?”

“If you try, then discover that you can’t do it, that’s fine. Not everyone can excel at everything he attempts, Spencer. The important thing is to try. I truly believe you can do this. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have hammered this makeshift ring into place. If it turns out I’m wrong, then so be it. If nothing else, you’ll have learned you don’t like it.”

“You won’t think I‘m… foolish? Or stupid?” He looked at the ground. “Or a failure?”

The worry and resignation in the boy’s voice tore at Andrew. Reaching out, he placed his hands on Spencer’s shoulders and waited until Spencer looked up to meet his gaze. “Whether you excel at this or not, I would never think you to be anything less than a courageous, intelligent, successful young man.”

The hope that flared in the lad’s eyes made the space around Andrew’s heart go hollow. Spencer blinked, then swallowed. “Do you truly mean that?”

“You have my word.” He released his shoulders, then ruffled his hair. “Indeed, I envy your courage.”

“You?” The word was a snort of disbelief. “You and Uncle Philip are the bravest men I know.”

“Thank you, although I believe we are the only men you know,” he teased.

Spencer’s face flushed bright red. “That’s not true. I know-”

“I was jesting, Spencer.”

“Oh. I… knew that.” He frowned. “What sort of courage do I have that you envy?”

Andrew paced before the boy several times, debating, then halted. “If I tell you, do you promise not to think me foolish or a failure?”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “I’d never think such a thing, Mr. Stanton. I promise.”

“Very well.” Andrew raked his hand through his hair, then drew a deep breath. “Icannotswim,” he said in rush. There. He’d said it. Out loud.

“I beg your pardon?”

Damn. It appeared he’d have to say it again. “I. Cannot. Swim.”

Spencer’s eyes widened further. “Never say so. Are you certain?”

“Very. I never learned. As you know, my father did not know how to swim, and who else would have taught me? After he drowned, any enthusiasm I might have had for the water abruptly left me. The last time I was in the water, except for a bathtub of course, was during some ridiculous reenactment of an ancient Nile canoe crossing your uncle insisted I participate in. I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t swim, so against my better judgment I did it. The canoe overturned, and I nearly drowned.” A shudder ran through him as he relieved the stark terror of the water closing over his head. Filling his lungs. Shaking off the memory, he gazed steadily at Spencer. “Believe me, I understand your trepidation about trying something over which you feel you have no control. But I’ll help you. You can do it. If you really want to.”

“So could you, you know.”

He smiled. “I already know how to fight.”

“I meant swim. Have you ever tried to learn?”

“No. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m afraid of the water.”

“But you crossed an entire ocean!”

“And don’t think I wasn’t scared. Believe me, I stayed far away from the rails.”

“I could teach you to swim, you know. We could start today! Right after our pugilism lesson.”

Andrew actually felt the blood drain from his face. “Today? No, I don’t think-”

“I could teach you to swim, Mr. Stanton,” Spencer went on, his eyes alight with eagerness. “Won’t you allow me to try? I’d be honored to teach you something in return for everything you’re teaching me. And once you learn, you can take the waters with me and Mum-not that you need to know how to swim to take the waters. The springwater would only reach your chest.”

The “no” that had hovered on Andrew’s lips fell away as he considered this opportunity. If he learned to swim… he instantly imaged him and Catherine together at night in the spring, kissing, touching in the warm, soothing water. Then a relaxing, fun-filled family afternoon, splashing and swimming with Spencer and Catherine.

“Mr. Stanton?”

Andrew roused himself from his brown study. “Yes?”

“If you try, then discover that you can’t do it, that’s fine. Not everyone can excel at everything he attempts. The important thing is to try.”

One corner of Andrew’s mouth pulled up. “Surely it is written somewhere that ‘thou shalt not use a man’s own words against him. ’”

“Unfortunately for you, that is not written anywhere, ”

Spencer said positively. “And surely you cannot expect me to take your advice if you’re unwilling to take it yourself.”

Andrew blinked. The lad had him there. “Have you ever considered becoming a barrister?”

“No. But if I stand a chance of winning this-my first case-I may consider it.” He reached out and laid a comforting hand on Andrew’s shoulder. “I know it will be difficult, especially after what happened to your father. But a very wise man recently told me that if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve always been.”

Andrew shook his head. “Hoist upon my own petard,” he muttered.

“I appreciate your trust in sharing your secret with me, sir,” Spencer said in a very serious voice. “I give you my word it is not misplaced.”

There was no missing Spencer’s strong desire to be needed, to be important, to be good enough at something to teach someone else. It was all right there in the young man’s eyes, calling out to Andrew. It was a call he couldn’t ignore.

“All right,” he agreed. “I’ll try it. One time,” he added hastily when Spencer’s face lit up with an eager smile. “But if I don’t like it, we stop. Immediately.”

“Agreed. But first our pugilism lesson.”

Andrew nodded. “Ready?”

Spencer made two fists and struck a fighting pose. “Ready.”

“Have you taken to studying tea leaves, Catherine?”

At Genevieve’s question Catherine jerked her gaze up from her teacup and blinked. “I beg your pardon?”

“I wondered if you’d developed an interest in tea leaves since clearly there is something fascinating in the bottom of your cup.”

Heat rose in Catherine’s cheeks. “Forgive me, Genevieve. I’m a bit preoccupied.”

“Yes, I can see that. Is something amiss?”

Catherine looked at the warm concern in Genevieve’s blue eyes, and to her consternation felt hot moisture press behind her own eyes. “Not amiss, precisely, but there is something troubling me.”

“I’d be happy to listen if you’d like to tell me.”

“I don’t really know how or where to begin.”

Genevieve nodded slowly. “I see. This concerns Mr. Stanton.”

Catherine stared. “Good Lord, either I’ve become completely transparent, or everyone around me has developed clairvoyant tendencies.”

“There is nothing of a transparent or clairvoyant nature at work here, darling. ‘Tis just that I know you so well, and the fact that since I have a great deal of experience in these matters, I can easily recognize the signs.”

“These matters? Signs? What do you mean?”

“Why, I’m talking about you and Mr. Stanton. Last evening. The way he looked at you. The way you tried so hard not to look at him. The way you waltzed together.”

“I… I don’t know what to say. My thoughts are so confused, I’m not certain how to describe them.”

“Catherine, there’s nothing to be confused about. I understand completely.”

A humorless laugh escaped Catherine. “Then perhaps you could explain it to me.”

“Gladly. You find Mr. Stanton very attractive-in spite of the fact that you do not wish to.”

“I don’t wish to,” Catherine agreed emphatically. “And what makes it worse, I cannot fathom why I find him so fascinating. He is the most irritating man I’ve ever encountered.”

“Which is why you find him so fascinating,” Genevieve said with a soft laugh. “He is challenging in that he does not fall at your feet and agree with everything you say like the rest of the men seeking your favor. Yet he is kind and holds you in the highest regard. To say nothing of the fact that he is a delight to look at.” Genevieve's sharp-eyed gaze studied her for several seconds. “I’m guessing he kissed you.”

Fire erupted in Catherine’s cheeks. “Yes.”

“He is a man who knows how to kiss a woman.”

“Truer words have probably never been spoken.”

“Did you make love with him?”

A heated tremor sizzled through Catherine at the mere thought. “No.”

“But you want to.” Clearly, Genevieve needed no confirmation of that because before Catherine could speak, she continued, “Obviously he wishes to. Did he give you any indication what his intentions are?”

“He said he intends to court me.”

“Ah!” Genevieve’s eyes sparkled. “Not only is he charming, handsome, intelligent, and-”

“Irritating. You seem to keep forgetting that-”

“-Well traveled, he is honorable as well.”

Feeling decidedly like a hen whose feathers were badly ruffled out of place, Catherine said tartly, “As I told him last evening, there is no point in courting me, as I’ve no intention of marrying again.”

“So you wish for him merely to seduce you,” Genevieve said with a matter-of-fact nod. “You could easily convince most men to agree to your terms, but one can tell at first glance that your Mr. Stanton is not most men.”

“He is not my Mr. Stanton.”

Genevieve brushed the comment away with her gloved hand. “I do not see him turning down the opportunity to become your lover, but his intention to court you leads me to think he will not be satisfied with that arrangement in the long run.”

“Yes, I’m certain he’d tire of me after a time.” The words felt like sawdust in Catherine’s mouth, and she sipped her tea to relieve the discomfort.

“You misunderstand, my dear. Mr. Stanton stated he wishes to court you. He wants a wife. He will grow tired not of you, but of the nonpermanent nature of your relationship. When he does, he will push for you to marry him.”

“He will not succeed.”

“Then it is my guess that he will end your relationship at that time.”

Catherine ignored the odd feeling that pervaded her at the bald statement, and laughed. “I was not aware that gentlemen ended relationships because the woman refused to get married. What sort of man would want the responsibility of a wife, especially a wife who comes with another man’s child, when he could have the carefree enjoyment of a mistress?”

“The sort of man who wants a family. Permanence. A woman and child to share his life with. A man who is capable of giving a woman all the things a man like your husband was not. The sort of man who is in love.” Genevieve shrugged. “Mr. Stanton could be any one of those-or perhaps all of them.”

“He cannot possibly be in love with me, Genevieve. We barely know each other.”

“It does not take long to fall in love.” A wistful, faraway look entered Genevieve’s eyes, and Catherine knew her friend was thinking of her former lover. Genevieve appeared to give herself a mental shake, then offered Catherine a sad smile. “Indeed, it can happen distressingly fast. And unfortunately, Cupid’s arrow often strikes our hearts at inconvenient times and makes us fall in love with very inconvenient people. Lord knows I am a perfect example of that.”

“I am not in love with Mr. Stanton. Heavens, I don’t even particularly like him!”

“Actually, I meant Mr. Stanton, my dear. It certainly is inconvenient for him to have feelings for a woman who is dead set against marriage. To say nothing of a woman who is his social superior. And I believe you like him more than you think. Certainly more than you are willing to admit.”

An instant denial rose to Catherine’s lips, but she found she could not utter the words. Instead, she set her teacup aside and rose to pace in front of the floral chintz settee. “I cannot deny I am faced with deciding what to do with this… inconvenient attraction to Mr. Stanton.”

“It isn’t difficult, Catherine, as you only have two options: ignore your feelings, or enjoy them and indulge in an affair.”

Catherine shook her head. “It is not that simple. There are things I must consider before making such an important decision.”

“It is precisely that simple. You want him, he wants you, neither of you are attached, neither are innocents- what else is there to consider?”

“My son, for one thing. What if he were to find out I’d taken a lover?”

“Well, naturally you would be extremely discreet, Catherine. Not only to protect Spencer, but yourself as well.”

“Someone could still find out.”

“Yes, but no one said that taking a lover was free of risk. Oftentimes the risk itself lends an air of excitement to the affair.”

“What about the fact that Andrew lives in London?”

“He may live in Town, but he’s in Little Longstone now.”

“But he will return to London in a week’s time.”

Genevieve raised her brows. “I would think that would be perfect. You do not want a permanent relationship, and he is leaving Little Longstone in one week. What could be more ideal?”

Catherine halted in her pacing in front of the fireplace. “I had not considered it quite that way.”

“Perhaps you should.”

Gripping the edge of the mantel, she tipped her head back to stare at the ceiling. “I never should have reread the Guide last night.” She looked at Genevieve over her shoulder and gave a sheepish laugh. “As I’m sure you can imagine, it put all sorts of ideas in my head.”

“I’m certain it did. But I think it’s far more likely that you were driven to reread the Guide because those ideas were already in your head-put there by Mr. Stanton.”

Catherine nodded slowly. “Yes, you’re right.” She turned to face her friend. “What if I conceived a child?”

“As you know from the Guide, there are various ways to prevent that from happening.” Genevieve stood and walked to stand next to Catherine. Clearly Catherine’s anguish showed because Genevieve did something she rarely did-she reached out her gloved hand and touched Catherine’s shoulder in a show of support and sympathy.

“I can see you are distressed, my dear, and you should not be. There is really only one decision, and I believe that in your heart you know what that is. Allowing yourself sensual pleasure does not make you less of a good mother. As the Guide points out, being selfish upon occasion is not a crime.”

“There is no room for this man in the life I’ve built here.”

“Perhaps not in the long term, but there could be room for the next week.”

Silence stretched between them until finally Catherine said softly, “You would take him as a lover.”

“Yes,”Genevieve replied without hesitation. “I would not deny either of us the pleasure. I would listen to my heart and carpe diem! Seize the day! But based on my writings in the Guide, I’m sure you knew that.” A sad smile touched her lips. “Every woman deserves a grand passion in her life, Catherine. It is one thing to read that such sensual pleasures exist, but to experience them…”She heaved a dreamy-sounding sigh. “The memories of my time with Richard will continue to warm me for the rest of my life.”

Catherine’s heart turned over with sympathy. “You do not have to be alone, Genevieve.”

Her friend held up her hands. “These are not hands a man wants touching him.”

“There is more to you than your hands. You are a beautiful, intelligent, vibrant woman.”

“Thank you. But a grand affair, the taking on of a lover, is based on a strong physical attraction, and that, I’m afraid, is in the past for me. But not for you. Catherine, what is your heart is telling you?”

Catherine closed her eyes. She’d expected to listen to an internal battle between her mind and her heart, but the yearnings of her heart drowned out any other sound-and with only two words.

She opened her eyes. “My heart says carpe diem.”