Love me to death

TWENTY-THREE

Lucy was silent as Sean drove back to her house. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Cody had sent her the flowers.

He must have followed them after church. It would also explain her intense feelings of being watched for the past couple of weeks. But they’d broken up last year! Why now? Because of Sean?

She felt ill. She’d trusted Cody-was her judgment about people that bad? How could she not know the truth when she saw Cody all the time?

She looked at the daisy in her hands and took a deep breath, doing her best to accept that Cody was stalking her.

Sean said, “The good news is that when confronted, most stalkers will sulk but stop their harassment. Lorenzo has a lot to lose; he’ll back off.”

“You’re probably right,” she said quietly.

“You going to be okay?”

“We were friends. I thought so anyway. How could I be so wrong about him?”

“This isn’t about you, Lucy, I don’t have to tell you that. It’s about him.”

In her head she understood that, but her heart told her she was an idiot to have trusted Cody for so many years. To have dated him. Slept with him. He’d been so good to her.

I will not cry.

Sean stopped his car in front of her narrow house. “Come here,” he said, taking her hand, kissing it, then kissing her lips. “We’ll fix this. I promise. I know it hurts, but you’re strong, Luce. I’ll talk to him-”

She frowned. “He’d see that as a threat and dig in his heels.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Stalkers aren’t always reasonable.”

“He gets out of line even an inch, we go to his boss. Right now, we don’t have enough. While you and I think the message was disturbing, he could argue that it was innocuous. So we put him on notice and go from there.”

“Okay.” She was still worried about Sean confronting Cody, but right now she couldn’t explain to Sean that she needed to be the one to talk to Cody about the flowers and unsettling message. She knew exactly what to say.

“Neither of us is going to let that guy intimidate you,” Sean said, then kissed her again. “You’re okay?”

“In many ways, I’m relieved it’s Cody. I know him, and while I don’t understand what he was thinking, I can handle the situation much better than an unknown variable.”

They went inside. Though she had agreed with Sean, it didn’t make sense that Cody would send her flowers, then accuse her of conspiracy to commit murder. What possessed him?

Kate was sitting by herself at the dining room table with a beer and stacks of papers in front of her. She looked up at Sean and said, “Did you find who sent the flowers?”

“Cody Lorenzo.”

Kate stared in stark disbelief. “Cody?”

“That’s what the florist said. Paid cash.”

“That fucking bastard. Dammit! I need to talk to him-”

“I am going to do that,” Sean said.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Kate said. “Considering …” her voice trailed off, but her eyes went to Sean and Lucy’s clasped hands.

“Kate, with all due respect, I can handle Lorenzo.”

“What about me?” Lucy said, frustrated. “This is between Cody and me. I’m not saying I’m going to do something stupid and confront him in a dark alley, but I think I need to be the one to talk to him.” Sean opened his mouth, but Lucy cut him off before he could speak. “I understand your reasons, and you’re right, except that I’ve known Cody for three years, and I can find out what’s going on.”

“You’re not seeing him alone.”

“I’ll invite him over here. You both can be in the kitchen eavesdropping, but I will talk to him. Agreed?”

Neither Sean nor Kate liked the idea, but then Kate said, “Lucy has a point. Cody has been a friend of the family for a long time.”

“Fine,” Sean relented, but didn’t sound happy.

Lucy dialed Cody’s number on her cell phone. His voicemail picked up. “Cody, it’s Lucy. Call when you get this message. It’s important.” She hung up, her stomach still unsettled. “I’m going to change,” she said. She just needed a few minutes alone. “I’ll be down in ten minutes.”

Sean watched Lucy walk up the stairs. She’d reacted as he’d expected, if a bit subdued.

When Lucy was out of earshot, he asked Kate, “What do you think about this Lorenzo?”

“Sit down,” Kate said.

Sean was surprised at the command. He sat, though he didn’t like being ordered to do anything.

“Cody wasn’t happy when Lucy broke up with him,” Kate said. “But that was over a year ago. I can’t see her remaining friends if he was actively pressuring her to get back together.”

“Maybe that’s why he’s following her. He hasn’t gotten over her leaving him.”

Kate considered. “This was the first time he’s made such contact. He was satisfied in the role of friend until-” She stared pointedly at Sean.

He resisted squirming. Kate’s unspoken question asked about his intentions, and he wasn’t surprised.

“So he sees Lucy and me together and he flips out and sends the flowers.”

“I don’t know why he didn’t sign the card,” Kate said. “I don’t see why he wants to scare her, when his goal-at least I’d think it had be his goal-would be to win her back.”

“Maybe he’s looking to run in and protect her. Trying to scare her so she feels she needs a cop around.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?”

“You know what I mean. The macho protective crap.”

“You do pretty well with the macho protective crap,” Kate said.

Sean frowned. “That’s not the same thing.”

Kate grinned, and Sean realized she was baiting him. She said, “Lucy’s right, though-Cody needs to hear it from her. She’ll make him understand. And if he crosses the line, I’ll come down on his ass so hard he’ll move halfway cross the country just to avoid me.”

A man’s voice came from the doorway. “Remind me never to get on your bad side, sweetheart.”

Sean turned and saw Dillon Kincaid-Kate’s husband and Lucy’s brother-standing in the doorway, a suitcase at his feet.

Kate jumped up and ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him long enough that Sean averted his eyes. “I thought you wouldn’t be home until after midnight,” she said.

“I came as soon as we found the bodies,” he said.

“I’m so sorry, Dillon.” They exchanged a look that said more than words could, and Kate added softly, “The families deserved to know the truth.”

“What’s going on with Lucy?” Dillon walked over to the table and shook hands with Sean. “Good to see you again. Patrick said you’re helping keep an eye out for Lucy while this Morton situation is hammered out.”

“Yes, sir,” Sean said.

“Thank you,” Dillon said.

“I’ll let Kate fill you in on what’s going on. I know you have some catching up to do. I’m going to check on Lucy.”

Sean knocked on Lucy’s door and heard her mumble something, but he didn’t know whether it was “come in” or “go away.”

He walked in.

Lucy’s room was large, the same footprint as the garage below, but with dormer windows protruding from the slanted ceiling. It was relatively neat, though her bed wasn’t made and she had stacks of books and notebooks on every available surface, as well as two tightly packed bookshelves. She was sitting on the far side of the room, in an oversized chair.

“I’ll be down in a sec,” she said.

She’d been crying, but the tears had dried up. Her face was splotchy, and she sat with her knees drawn up to her chin, looking out one of the dormer windows. There was nothing to see-the overcast sky blocked the moon and stars, though the city lights would have blocked most of them anyway.

Sean closed the door and walked over to her. Lucy glanced at him, a sliver of anger slicing through her anguish.

“Dillon’s here,” Sean told her.

“Thanks.”

She stared at him, her dark eyes bright with emotion that she was trying her damnedest to hide. What was she trying to hide from him?

He squatted in front of her chair, trying to understand what she was thinking, what she feared the most. Not the stalker-she was more angry and upset about Cody Lorenzo than scared. It was something else … something more than her ex-boyfriend. It was personal. It was about Lucy.

She glanced away, obviously uncomfortable with his scrutiny. What did that say? That she was scared about his feelings for her? Or her feelings for him? Did she fear he’d walk away because of what happened in her past? Or that he was here only because of it?

How could he convince Lucy how much he cared?

He reached out for her hands, which were clasped around her knees. He pulled her up.

“Sean, I-”

He kissed her lightly, then picked her up and turned around, sitting down where she’d been, but with Lucy on his lap. “I see why you like this chair,” he said. “I may never get up.”

“How do you know I like it?”

He smiled, and motioned to all the books surrounding it. He ran his hand down her face, through her thick hair, holding the back of her head firmly, and kissed her again. This time, he kissed her warmly, using his tongue gently but with purpose, slowly and methodically. The tension in Lucy’s body dissipated and a sigh vibrated in her chest. He had one arm around her back, between the thick armrest and her body; the other he moved from her hair to her arm, then down, slowly, purposefully, to her waist and cradled her.

Lucy couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt such peace, comfort, and yearning. Sean kissed her softly, over and over, no rush, no pressure, just the constant affection flowing through him. She absorbed it, relishing the embrace. She felt wanted, desired. But what gave her the butterflies in her stomach was Sean himself. The way he made her feel both protected and trusted, the way he looked at her as if they shared a secret. The way he touched her. Not just here in the chair with his arms wrapped around her like a hot, muscular blanket, but all the time. With a touch on her hand. When he pressed against her back. Brushing against her arm, as if to make sure not only that she was there, but that she knew he was there. He was the most tactile person she’d ever met. Sean Rogan was also extremely confident-he knew he was smart and attractive, but didn’t flaunt it. But when he touched her, it was almost to reassure himself of something. What? That she was here? That she wasn’t walking away? That she wanted him to touch her? It was endearing and thrilling and even a little scary, but in an exciting way.

“I wish you could hold me like this all night,” she whispered.

“I don’t think I could simply kiss you all night long.”

She swallowed, old fears returning. “What made you think I was talking only about kisses?”

“Why do you sound defensive?”

“I’m not-” But she was. Her greatest fear when she was falling for someone, when she wanted to make love, was that he would shun her. The first time she’d found someone she cared enough about to sleep with, it had been awkward and uncomfortable and he had broken up with her shortly thereafter. It was as much her fault as his, because she should have known she wasn’t ready-and that he hadn’t loved her enough to be patient.

Cody had been wonderful. Sweet and warm, but always cautious. Too considerate. Too careful. Which made Lucy think that he couldn’t dismiss the fact that she’d been raped. And thinking back to their relationship, could she have predicted he’d start following her? That was two strikes-two men she’d cared for who ended up being nothing like who she thought they were.

And what about Sean? Was he who she thought he was? Was she blind, foolish, a total idiot? She hadn’t seen the Cody as Stalker thing at all. What didn’t she see in Sean?

She wanted someone to make love to her, and only her. To not think about anything but the two of them, at that moment in time. She wanted to erase the past and not think about the future for that sliver of bliss that she knew was possible, if only she could find the right person.

“Talk to me, Lucy.”

She didn’t want to put a voice to her feelings, for fear they would chase Sean away. How could she explain them to him without sounding stupid? Or whiny?

“Do you want to make love to me?”

He stared at her. “Is this a trick question?”

“Not right this minute-but in general. If we were alone, would you make love to me?”

“Why are you asking me this? Do you think I’m pressuring you? I’m not-I just can’t stop touching you.”

“I like that.”

“You’re confusing me, Lucy. Tell me what you’re really thinking.”

She closed her eyes. Maybe, if she wasn’t looking at him, it would be easier to explain.

“I want to be normal,” she said. “You make me feel beautiful and wanted, but I fear …” She hesitated. Swallowed and gathered the courage to tell Sean the truth. “I fear that you’ll treat me different because of what happened to me. I don’t want to be different. I want you to treat me like you would any other woman you desire, not like I’m going to fall apart or have a panic attack. I want to be just like your other girlfriends.”

Sean didn’t say anything, and Lucy knew she’d said too much. After all, they’d had only a few days to get to know each other, a few days tarnished by murder and stalkers and vigilantes. Hardly a strong enough foundation on which a new relationship could grow.

She tried to get up, but Sean wrapped his arms tighter around her.

“Look at me, Lucy.”

She turned to face him.

“You’re not like my other girlfriends. Don’t tense up on me; you’re going to hear me out. You’re not like them. That’s a good thing. But it has nothing to do with your past. Nothing.” He shook his head with a half-smile. “I’ve dated airheads. Beautiful women who have little motivation or drive to do anything profound or meaningful. They’re shallow. You’re anything but shallow.”

“Then why me?”

“I grew weary of superficial women a long time ago, but I didn’t know how to get out of the cycle. Didn’t really want to. And then I met you, and you’ve been on my mind ever since.”

“Ever since last week? I brought a lot of drama into your life.”

“Last week? What about last month, when we had dinner at RCK on the kitchen floor? What about last year?”

“Last year?”

“You don’t remember? When you flew to Sacramento to visit Patrick and Jack, you came by the RCK office one afternoon and I was sitting in my office. Patrick introduced us.”

“I remember, but that was like two minutes.”

“I was instantly drawn to you. I knew then I was tired of the life I’d created. I didn’t know I’d be moving out here, though I did hope to see you again. But you never came by after that, and Patrick said you’d just broken up with your boyfriend, and I really didn’t want to be mister rebound guy. Not to mention you were three thousand miles away.”

“Now I’m six blocks away.”

“Much better.” He kissed her. His hand touched the soft skin under her chin, then moved to the back of her neck so he could hold her closer, so he would convince her he meant everything he said.

“I can’t promise you that sometimes you won’t think I’m treating you … different … as you say. Everything that happens to us becomes a part of us. The good, the bad, and the ugly. It shapes our future, our destiny. But what really matters is what’s in here.” He put his hand on her chest. “I would do anything to wipe away what was done to you; I would do anything to take away your memories and pain and fear. But deep down, you’re Lucy Kincaid. Smart, beautiful, compassionate. Your compassion and drive are boundless. You are different, but not only because of what happened. You’re different because you care. You want to make a difference in the world, by helping others find peace in theirs. There’s so much in here,” he pressed her chest firmly, “that makes you special.”

She couldn’t help but smile just a bit, her cheeks flushed.

“I want to be with you, Lucy.” He kissed her, his hand moving to cup her full breast. “And if I have to make love to you to prove it, then I guess I’ll make the sacrifice.” He smiled. “I’m willing to sacrifice quite often. I think you’re kind of stubborn, you might need constant reinforcement that I find you not only beautiful, but incredibly sexy.”

She wrapped both arms around his neck. “You’re amazing.”

“I know.”

“And arrogant.”

“I’m a Rogan. It’s in the genes.”

“I like it.”

Lucy relished Sean’s attitude. She enjoyed how he touched her breast, how comfortable he was with his body and with hers. His confidence made her more confident.

She leaned forward, shifting on his lap slightly so she was sitting firmly on top of him. She kissed him on the neck, little wet kisses up to his ear, then to his mouth where she kissed him fully, her body moving as if it had a mind of its own.

He had his hands on her waist, his hands moving under her shirt, touching her bare skin. They were so warm, almost hot against her cool flesh, as they moved to her breasts and stopped, holding them, his fingers moving in a light, sensual massage at the top of her demi-cup. When his thumbs rubbed against her nipples, she gasped in surprise at the flash of heat that shot through her body.

“Lucy,” Sean groaned, hugging her tightly, giving her a long kiss that left her breathless. He reluctantly pulled his lips from hers and said, “We should get back downstairs, or I’m going to get in trouble for something that we’re not even doing.”

It took Lucy a second to figure out what he meant.

She smiled, enjoying this new feeling, this new relationship with this man. She hadn’t been expecting it, and yet … she wasn’t going to question or analyze what she felt, especially now. “I almost forgot we’re not alone in the house.”

“That might not stop me next time.”