Lovers for a Day

LONG-DISTANCE CONVERSATIONS

'This is Wellington, New Zealand. Is that Prague? Hold

the line for a call.'

'Hello. Hello. Is that Prague?'

'This is Prague here.'

'Is that you, Tereza? Can you hear me?'

'Yes, I can hear you.'

'It's me. Bill.'

'I know. I recognized your voice. And who else would call me from there?'

'How are you, Tereza?'

'Fine now that I can hear you. Can you hear me? How are you?'

'It's good to hear you. But you sound terribly distant.'

'I know. I'm on the other side of the world.'

'I miss you, Tereza!'

'I miss you, too.'

'I wish I could hold you.'

'Me too.'

'What's the news?'

'I'm not sure. None really. The older boy is going to school now and the little one is wrecking the flat and my nerves. I've got loads of work. I'm having a new outfit made. I thought about you when I had the fitting, wondering if you'd like me in it. And how about you?'

'Tereza, I told my wife everything.'

'What's everything?'

'That I love you.'

'You told her about me?'

'I told her I'm in love with you and want to live with you. Didn't you tell your husband?'

'No. . Not yet. Do you think that was wise? What did she say?'

'She didn't believe me at first. And then — she cried.'

'That's terrible. Perhaps you should have waited a little longer. Hello? Hello. . Are you there? I can't hear you, Bill. There's somebody talking Japanese or something on the line. Are you still there?'

'Tereza, can you hear me?'

'Now I can. It's awful, the distance.'

'Unbearable. That wasn't Japanese, that was Maori. I don't see what I'm supposed to wait for — I know I love you.'

'Now I can hear you as if you were in the next room. But it must have hurt her terribly.'

'It's not the telling that hurt her but what happened. And what's going to happen.'

'It's all awful. And what are you going to do? What have you agreed with your wife?'

'It wasn't easy. She told me she might not survive. I need to talk to you about it.'

'Do you mean over the phone, interrupted by someone talking Maori all the time? Surely we can't talk about life and death matters over the phone?'

'Exactly. I wanted to tell you I've decided to fly out to see you.'

'That's out of the question.'

'Why? I'd take the plane, that's all. Like last month.'

'But it costs so much.'

'I don't care about the money. I only care about being with you.'

'How could you be with me? I have my husband here, don't forget.'

'And you did last month too.'

'Yes, but he wasn't here. He was away.'

'But I expect you could find a moment for me.'

'A moment perhaps. And you'd fly all the way for that?'

'I'd sooner have a moment with you than a life without you. Besides, we need to take some decisions. And you said yourself that these decisions can't be taken over the telephone.'

'But you were only here a month ago. We could have taken decisions then but we didn't.'

'We didn't because there wasn't the time. And I didn't realize then how dreadful life would be without you.'

'But we talked about that too, didn't we? About how we'd miss each other. And you told me you wouldn't put me under pressure, that I was to take my time and decide for myself

'But of course you must be free to make up your own mind. That goes without saying.'

'There you are, then.'

'It would never occur to me to put you under any sort of pressure.'

'That's okay then. But you want me to come over there and live with you. And I can't. And I don't want to either. I can hardly be expected to leave now after staying through all the rotten Communist years? I happen to like this country. And my family's here.'

'But I've never tried to force you.'

'No, you haven't. But what other hope do we have of living together? After all, you can't fly back and forth every month.'

'Why not? Anyway, I've come up with another solution, apart from flying back and forth.'

'What solution?'

'Sweetheart, I've decided to move over there.'

'To Czechia?'

'To your country. What exactly is it called now?'

'Czechia. Czecho, if you like. It makes no difference. But that's insane. What job would you do here? We've no sea.'

'That doesn't matter.'

What do you mean, it doesn't matter? You're a naval officer and we don't have any ships.'

'Yes you do, as a matter of fact. I made enquiries. You've got five ships.'

'But those ships are out at sea six months at a time.'

'Not quite so long. And ships are always at sea.'

'But I wouldn't see you for six months at a time.'

'If I stay here I'll have to fly back and forth or you wouldn't see me either.'

'I know.'

'But I thought you told me you wanted to be with me always.'

'I did, I do. You're so far away, though. And your wife and your little daughters are there. And I'm married.'

'That's why I want to move over there. After all, there must be some way of working it out so that the two of us can be together.'

'But your career is with the navy.'

'I wouldn't have to find a job at sea. I could earn my living some other way. I could drive a taxi perhaps. Besides, you've got river navigation.'

'You want to re-train to take care of a raft?'

'As a matter of fact they've got some rather nice little steamers. And they'd have a job for me starting in September.'

'The fact that you're a sea captain was one of the things that appealed to me most about you.'

'That's another thing I need to talk to you about. We've got manoeuvres in September.'

'And you'll be in command.'

'Something like that.'

'That must be fascinating.'

'That's not the point right now. But I can hardly give them just one week's notice that I'm going.'

'Where to?'

'I told you. I'll have a job with that navigation company of yours from September onwards.'

'But it's only June now.'

'Exactly. It's June already. Which means I'd have to give my notice in straight away.'

'But you couldn't, could you, not with those manoeuvres?'

'I could, but I'd have to let them know before the end of the week.'

'And you want to hear from me by the end of the week whether you should come over?'

'I need to know, in order to make my decision.'

'But you promised me you'd give me time to make up my own mind.'

'Naturally. I can't force you, can I?'

'But you're forcing me now!'

'What am I forcing you to do?'

'Hello, Bill, can you hear me? There's someone talking in Maori again. Can you hear me?'

'Yes, I can hear you, and that blithering idiot too. That's not Maori, that's Japanese.'

'What's he saying?'

'Who?'

'The man talking Japanese.'

'It's not important. To hell with him. He says it looks like margarine prices are going to fall. He's talking about the Dow-Jones index.'

'I can hear you fine now. The margarine man has disappeared. What were we saying?'

'That you have to be free to make up your own mind. I'd never put you under any pressure. You're a free woman, Tereza. With me you'd be free at last. I just need to know whether I'm to withdraw from those manoeuvres.'

'Exchange here. Is that seven one zero, eight one three?'

'Hang on! What did you say? Lord, I can't even remember my own number now.'

'It's all right, I recognize your voice. You've got Wellington on the line again.'

'Tereza?'

'Yes, Bill.'

'Are you alone?'

'Yes. There's only my little boy with me.'

'Tereza, it'll soon be Friday here.'

'Not here though. It's only Thursday morning.'

'I realize that. But I'll have to give my reply today.'

'About those manoeuvres?'

'About whether I'm going to leave the navy.'

'But you always told me that it was your business what you did.'

'Naturally. I just wanted to know if you agreed with me that I should leave.'

'The navy, or New Zealand?'

'The one depends on the other.'

'But Bill, I was trying to tell you last time. You have your family there. What will become of them?'

'My family would stay where they are now.'

You'd leave your little girls there?'

'Tereza, I love you. I can't live without you. What am I to do? I have to give up something, or someone. I've already told them.'

'You've told them you're leaving and coming here?'

'I told my wife.'

'And how about her?'

'I've already told you. First she said she wouldn't get over it. Then she said I was off my head.'

'Stop that, for heaven's sake!'

'What did you say?'

'It's awful. My little monster has tipped salt into the sugar bowl.'

'That's not important, is it?'

'I didn't say it was important. Listen, do you really want to live here?'

'I've already found a job there.'

'Have you accepted it yet?'

'No, I've just discussed it with them. And I've already started learning Czech.'

'You really are crazy.'

'Yes, about you, sweetheart.'

'But, Bill, you promised me, you said you'd let me have time. .'

'You can have all you want, but I have to give them a reply.'

'Because of those rafts?'

'They're quite nice little steamers.'

'When do you have to give your answer?'

'Soon. And the people here today. Or by next week at the latest.'

'But we can't come to any agreement over the phone, can we?'

'And that's precisely the reason I told you last time I wanted to come over. Don't you agree?'

'I'm not sure. Anyway I told you I'm here with my husband and the children.'

'I'm aware of that, aren't I? I'd get on fine with your kids.'

'Stay out of here, for God's sake!'

'What did you say?'

'It's my little one. He's trying to climb into the oven when it's switched on. And what about my husband?'

'You told me, if I'm not mistaken, that you have a dog's life with him.'

'Bill, that's something we can't solve over the phone. And it costs a fortune.'

'I don't care about the money. I care about you.'

'I care about you too.'

'I love you. And I can already say it to you in Czech. Milovávám tě na celou duši. Did I get it right?'

'Not quite, Bill. But I understand you. And I love you too. Z celé duše!

'There you go.'

'And that's precisely the reason I don't want you to do something you'll regret later. Something that will drive us both to despair.'

'I'll never regret it so long as I'm with you. I'd only despair if I had to live without you.'

'And without your little girls?'

'They'll grow up all the same. And they'll be married in a few years' time.'

'How can you talk about your own children that way? They're still only little. You have to live for the present, for heaven's sake. You can't act according to what might or might not happen.'

'Tereza, don't you love me any more?'

'Wellington here. Are you still talking, Prague?'

'Yes we are, but we're nearly finished.'

'We're nearly finished, Tereza?'

'But it's costing you a fortune.'

'No, I thought you meant finished with me. You haven't told me if you still love me.'

'I love you as much as ever.'

'Do you remember the first time we met?'

'Yes, but we can scarcely talk about it at such a distance, can we?'

'You told me I was the sort of man you could spend your life with.'

Yes, because you're calm and kind, and you love me. You were nice to my parents when I introduced you to them last time you were here. My husband quarrels with them. He

quarrels with everyone, in fact, because he only sees peoples bad sides. And I was very attracted to you. My sea captain. You'll take command at the manoeuvres.'

'I won't. I'll live over there in your country. That's what I need us to agree on.'

'But Bill, everything's different here. And there's no sea.'

'I've had enough of the sea. You're what's special for me.'

'Because you have the sea all around you, but you don't have me. If you come here, you'll have me right enough, but you'll start to miss the sea.'

'How can you compare yourself to the sea? The sea is water and you're fire.'

'Darling, you say such beautiful things to me, but we must finish. We'll never sort it out over the phone, anyway.'

'You haven't told me yet whether you want me to come over.'

'What I want isn't the point. It wouldn't be sensible.'

'Why wouldn't it be sensible? We miss each other so much and we have to take decisions about our future.'

'Because we have our families. After all, you said I have to be absolutely free to decide.'

'Of course. I can't make you do anything, can I?'

'How can I be free to decide if you come over here and tell me you'll leave your family and your country because of me, and then you'll ruin these manoeuvres. Are they important?'

'Who?'

'The manoeuvres.'

'The biggest for ten years.'

'There you are. And you'd go and miss them.'

'That's my affair.'

'No, it isn't just your affair. If you give up your job and

abandon everything on account of me how am I supposed to be free to decide? Don't you realize what a responsibility this places on me? After all, I can't even be sure that you'd be happy with me.'

'With you I'll be happy. And you yourself said how nice it would be if we could be together all the time.'

'I said it because I love you.'

'There you are, then.'

'But at the same time I knew you were a long way away and that it could never come true. If you 'were nearer everything would be easier, and we could get to know each other better as well. We've hardly known each other for more than a couple of weeks.'

'Times two.'

'Yes. But that first time, when we met at the seaside, we had no idea that we'd fall in love.'

'I knew it the first time I saw you.'

'We didn't know it for certain. We were both on holiday. And when you're on holiday everything seems different and special.'

'It was special. But I knew I could never meet another woman like you.'

'What sort of woman am I?'

'Remarkable. Beautiful. Delicate. Tender. Wise.'

'Bill, you wrote and told me all that before. Don't waste time now. We've been talking for so long already. This phone call will cost you more than the plane ticket.'

'Don't think about the cost of the call and tell me whether I ought to fly over.'

'This is the Wellington operator. Are you still speaking, Prague?'

'This is Bill Morgan here, also in Wellington. What the hell do you keep butting in like that for?'

'Excuse me, sir, but I had the feeling your call was a trifle long.'

'There's no need for you to worry yourself about the length of our call. You're not paying!'

'Bill, I don't think you should come. I'm not sure I'll have the time or the chance to meet you. My husband always wants to know what I do during the day. .'

'Tell him you're going to your parents'. We could meet there.'

'Oh, for Pete's sake, pack that in! Turn that tap off right away!'

'What's that?'

'Nothing. I wasn't talking to you.'

'Is someone there with you?'

'I told you already. My little boy. Now he's gone and tipped flour in the sink and is running the water. What were we saying?'

'That we could meet at your parents'.'

'I'm not sure I want to drag them into it. Oh Jesus, the flour's blocked the waste pipe. Bill, I'm sorry, I can't concentrate, the sink's overflowing. And anyway you promised me time to think it over! '

'Seven one zero eight one three? I have that gentleman from Wellington for you again.'

'Tereza, it's Friday here now. Are you there on your own?'

'Yes. My little boy has just gone to sleep.'

'That's good. At least we'll have a bit of peace and time for ourselves.'

'But Bill, what do you mean by time? You only called three hours ago.'

'Precisely. You've had a chance to think it over.'

'What can I have thought over?'

'Whether I'm to fly there. That's not a very tough decision, is it?'

'But Bill, I can't even be sure we'll be able to meet. I told you I didn't want to drag my parents into it.'

'How about some girlfriend?'

'I don't know, Bill. Girlfriends are out too.'

'Think up something else, then. Otherwise just tell him I've arrived and we need to talk to each other.'

'Do you think I ought to tell him everything about you?'

'It would be the honourable thing.'

'But he might kill you. Or me. Or himself. You don't know him.'

'You see the kind of life you have with him!'

'Would you put up with it if I was your wife and told you someone else — my lover — was flying in to see me?'

'I wouldn't kill anyone. At the most I'd chuck him in the sea and let him sink or swim.'

'But there's no sea here, Bill! '

'So I'd chuck him in any old water.'

'You're different, I know. That's why I fell in love with you.'

'And do you love him too, seeing that you're always so concerned about him?'

'I'm not talking about love. But he is still my husband after all.'

'I thought you didn't love him any more. That you didn't want to live with him. So why are you so concerned about him?'

'That's true. But he's terribly attached to the children.'

'But you wouldn't be taking them from him.'

'And the children are attached to him. He's their father.'

'You said you're always having terrible rows at home. That he yells at them needlessly. That he makes them neurotic.'

'We do have rows sometimes. Awful ones. We hurl the crockery at each other in the kitchen. Sometimes he yells at the boys. And twice he wanted to kill himself. Now I can hear some music on the line. What absurd kind of music is that anyway? Some Chinese thing or other. Can you hear me at all? It's enough to drive you mad.'

'There you are. It's enough to drive you mad.'

'What is?'

'Life with your husband.'

'That as well. But at this moment it's the telephone. I can hear you again. What was I talking about?'

'Your husband. How he wanted to kill you on two occasions.'

'Not me. He wanted to kill himself

'Sorry, I misheard you. There was some Maori band on the line. He wanted to kill himself on account of you?'

'He wanted to kill himself in a rage. Or from despair. Or maybe it was just a threat. He wants to bind me to him, to make me obedient and faithful.'

'Do you think that's good for the children?'

'It certainly isn't.'

'There you are.'

'But we don't quarrel all the time. Sometimes our home is quite peaceful. And he plays with them and reads them Bible stories and tries to bring them up as decent people.'

'I'd read them Bible stories too. We always read the Bible at home on Sundays.'

'In your home?'

'Yes, in my home.'

'And tell me, could you really leave it behind? Don't you love your home?'

'I love you. My home will be wherever you are.'

'How can you tell?'

'I just feel it.'

'This is a foreign country.'

'My ancestors also came to a foreign country. Everyone here bar the Maoris came to a totally foreign country. The journey by ship could take three months in those days. And even the Maoris haven't always been here.'

'But you were born there. You have your parents, your brother, your friends, your wife, your children and the sea.'

'But I haven't got you.'

'Do you mean to say that I count for more than everything else?'

'Yes, that's just what I mean to say.'

'But you hardly know me. After a couple of months here you might start to regret it.'

'I never regret anything I do.'

'You married once and now you want to go away and leave them. And you don't regret it?'

'No. We loved each other once and then it ended. I don't regret it.'

'You'll love me and then it'll end. Won't you regret it?'

'It won't end!'

'If it ended, would you regret it?'

'It won't end.'

'But if it ended you would regret it.'

'No, I wouldn't.'

'What would you find to do here in a foreign country? A sailor with no sea. A man 'with no home, no family, no friends?'

'Didn't you tell me just a while ago that one has to live for the present and not act in terms of what will or won't happen?'

'But we'd break up our families. Both you and I.'

'They're broken already. After what has happened.'

'But things like that happen in life and the family doesn't have to break up on account of them.'

'When love ends it never returns.'

'Are you so sure?'

'I'm speaking about myself

'Bill, these phone calls must have cost the price of an air ticket already. You might as well have come straight here.'

'You didn't tell me whether I should come.'

'I'm really not sure, Bill. It'd be awfully complicated.'

'Life is complicated. Until the day you die.'

'But some complications are needless. Or excessive.'

'Do you think I'm an excessive complication?'

'No, not you. You're someone who's very dear to me.'

'So why don't you want me to come?'

'Hello, Bill, are you there? You keep fading away'

'What did you say?'

'I said you're fading away.'

'There you are. That's something I know from the sea. First your country fades away and then everything else. Even the ones you love the most. Otherwise you'd go mad.'

'What would make you go mad?'

'Getting up every morning and knowing all you'll see that day is the sea and none of your loved ones, the ones that make your life worth living. That's why I want to come to you.'

'Don't come, Bill!'

'You tell me not to come, even though I'm fading from your life?'

'I was only talking about the phone. Otherwise you're not. I mean, I'm not sure. Bill, to come all this way, when we're not even sure we'll be able to meet? The whole thing is madness. I realize I ought to have thought better of it before, but I fell in love with you. Now I'm frightened of the consequences. Not just for me, but for you too. I'm touched by what you want to do and I love you for it. But at the same time I'm afraid.'

'One should only be afraid of dying.'

'Don't talk about dying.'

'Living without you seems to me like dying.'

'That's blasphemy!'

'A day without you is like the sea 'without dry land. There's nowhere to come back to, nothing to look forward to.'

'Bill, you're a… a… I don't know how to say it in English.'

'Say it in Czech then.'

'You're a cvok.'

'What's a cvok?'

'That's the problem! I don't know how to explain it. It means you're crazy in a nice sort of way.'

'I'm not crazy. I just know what I want. And now finally tell me if I should come!'

'I'm not sure, Bill. I'd love to see you, but at the same time I'm afraid of not finding a solution. Of assuming the responsibility. Wait a moment, someone's opening the front door. My husband's coming in. Quick, say something important. Just the most important thing.'

'Okay. I've got to see you or I'll die. I'll arrive there next

Wednesday via London. At one-thirty p.m. I've already bought my ticket. Do you love me?'

'Yes.'

'I love you — like a cvok. I can't wait to see you.'

'This is Wellington. Are you still speaking?'

'No, not any more, thank you!'

'God, I'm hungry. I've been on the go non-stop since this morning and didn't find a moment for lunch. Have you got something for dinner?'

'Yes, of course… I'll fix you a sandwich in a moment.'

'Is something up?'

'No, why should there be?'

'You were on the phone when I came in.'

'It was nothing. . nothing important.'

'It's okay, you look a bit worked up, that's all.'

'What do you mean?'

'You seem a bit jumpy'

'No, I'm not. I was talking with my dressmaker, that's all.'

'What did she want?'

'She told me the outfit she's making for me will be ready soon. I'm to pick it up on Wednesday at one-thirty.'

You've had another outfit made?'

Yes. I have to dress nicely. So you'll find me attractive!'

(1994)

CONJUGAL CONVERSATIONS

'I'd like to talk to you.' 'Now?'

'Now or very soon.'

'You say it so seriously.'

'I'm saying it quite normally.'

'I was planning to do something.'

'You are always planning to do something. Anything not to have to talk to me.'

'I was planning to oil the door hinges. They creak horribly. And aren't we always talking?'

'That depends what you mean by talking.'

'Talking means opening one's mouth and saying words.'

'Yes, that's precisely what you do mean by talking.'

'Do you have a better definition?'

'I'm not interested in definitions, I'm interested in having a conversation.'

'Okay: converse.'

'I would like us both to converse.'

'You start, then.'

'How can I start when you won't even sit down. You're standing there in the doorway looking for an excuse to dash away.'

'Sorry. I'm listening now.'

'It's ages since we spent a whole evening together.'

'How do you mean?'

'I mean a proper family evening together, the two of us and the children.'

'But we're together every evening, aren't we?'

'Really? "When was the last time?'

'Yesterday, for instance.'

'Yesterday evening you came home at nine-thirty. You'd had an important meeting. Or so you said.'

'What's that supposed to mean, "Or so you said"?'

'It means that yesterday we weren't together.'

'Sorry, but yesterday I really did have a departmental meeting. And it was on a fairly important matter. Namely, funding for the whole year.'

'And the day before was a club night.'

'I only have one club night a month.'

'Sunday evening you were playing tennis. On Saturday you watched television. And before that you came home a couple of times when the children were already asleep.'

'Are you keeping tabs on my movements?'

'No, I just remember because it upsets me, and the children too.'

'Okay, I'll give up tennis.'

'I don't want you to give up tennis. I want you to feel the need to be here with us sometimes.'

'How can you tell me what needs I ought to be feeling?'

'You don't think I should want anything from you?'

'You can want anything you like from me, but don't tell me what my needs should be.'

'Sorry. It's just that it upsets me that you act as if you don't need us.'

'I do need you. After all, everything I do, I do for you.'

'That's only an excuse. Just to make you look magnanimous in your own eyes.'

'I don't need to look magnanimous in my own eyes. Or in anyone else's, for that matter. But you can hardly deny that I look after you.'

'That's not the point.'

'I'm not really sure what the point is.'

'The point is that it's ages since we spent a proper evening together.'

'And don't you think I might just like one too? It's not my fault I have so little spare time.'

'Whose fault is it, then?'

'I don't know. It's just the way things are. If you hesitate for a second, there's someone stealing a march on you.'

At 'work, you mean?'

'Yes, at work. In research.'

And elsewhere?'

'What do you mean by elsewhere?'

'At home, for instance.'

'Here, do you mean?'

'I wasn't aware you had a home somewhere else.'

'That's an interesting thought.'

'It's never occurred to you before, then?'

'That someone might steal a march on me here? Who, for instance?'

'It wouldn't be too hard to find someone.'

'And you have someone in mind?'

'No, I used to think I had you.'

'And you don't any more?'

'I'm not sure now. I don't know whether I've got you. I've got the money you bring home and the dishes you make dirty, and the shirts that I wash for you.'

'I thought the washing machine did that.'

'I don't want to talk about shirts, I want to talk about us.'

'You're the one who mentioned the shirts.'

'I was only asking what we get from you, the children and me.'

'The children don't wash shirts.'

'The children don't even get dirty shirts from you.'

'You act as if I ignored the children.'

'Would you mind telling me, then, when we last spent a family evening together?'

'And what's this "family evening" supposed to consist of, for heaven's sake?'

'Sitting around the table for a meal and chatting together.'

'Chatting about what?'

'What we've been doing during the day, for instance. Or what we've been reading.'

'Economic analyses and statistics are what I read most of the time. I shouldn't think they'd interest you.'

'You could hear about what the children or I have been reading. If you're at all interested.'

'Your idea of a family evening sounds a bit like school. Questions about what you read for homework.'

'We wouldn't have to talk about books. You could explain to us what your work's about. Or what you want from life. Or what we are doing here.'

'You really think that would interest them? The boy's into model-making and the girl's into clothes and the absurd pop songs she stares at on television.'

'You didn't teach them anything better, did you?'

'So I'm to blame for that too, am I?'

'It's not a question of blame.'

'Why don't you find them something better to do, then?'

'Perhaps I've tried, but it's been too much for me on my own.'

'In other words, you're all on your own.'

'It feels like that sometimes. I've always been left to deal with things like that on my own. The most you were ever up to was helping the boy stick his models together.'

'I'd sooner have him sticking models than trailing round the pubs in a gang.'

'But one day they'll want to start their own families and they'll look back on their childhood.'

'Do you think it'll strike them as so awful? What have they lacked?'

'Nothing apart from the fact they won't be able to recall a single proper family evening.'

'Not one? What about Christmas?'

'Christmas in our home is an orgy of present-giving. You always try and make up for what we don't get from you at other times.'

'It never occurred to me that I should regard myself as the one who owed anything on that score. And I never got the impression things like that bothered you particularly. Think of all the time you spend at that dressmaker's every month.'

'I haven't been to see my dressmaker for at least six months. But I'm not complaining about what I have to wear. We're not

talking about material things, are we? We're talking about the time we spend together as a family?'

'Why the "we"? I'm fairly happy with my evenings. And I think the children can look back on lots of nice evenings.'

'Can you really recall a single one? When we were all here together? Just one?'

'Stop interrogating me. You're not in the classroom now. And stop looking as if you were on the verge of tears.'

'How am I supposed to look when I am on the verge of tears?'

'You're the last person to have a reason to cry. Tell me what's missing from your life.'

'I'm sorry you can't sense it.'

'You're right. I'm insensitive. It's a pity you didn't pick someone more sensitive. Someone who'd lay on nice evenings for you. Some poet or other who'd recite his work to you. Stop crying. For my part, I'm sorry you don't realize that everything I do, I do so we can live half decently.'

'But we're not talking about that at all.'

'No, we're talking about nice evenings chatting together. Like now, for instance. This evening strikes me as going really well. We'll look back on this as a really successful one.'

'What's up? Why don't you come to bed?'

'Wait a second. I'll be right there. I have to wash, don't I?' 'You always take ages. Sometimes I think you deliberately

drag it out because you know I'm tired. You hope I'll fall asleep

in the meantime.'

'Don't you think I'm tired as well? These few minutes in the

bathroom is the only time I have to myself all day. And no

sooner am I out than you pounce on me like a vulture.'

'That's not a very apt comparison.'

'Why not?'

'Because vultures pounce on corpses.'

'Are you trying to say I'm like a corpse?'

'It was your idea. The vulture.'

'You're disgusting.'

'Don't keep me waiting any more, then.'

'After what you just called me? No one could blame me if I did act like a corpse.'

'I know you've had a hard day of it.'

'It's not so much what I have to do during the day as the fact that you ignore me the whole day and then want me to make love to you.'

'What do you mean I ignore you the whole day? I'm at the university the whole day.'

'There was a time when you'd phone me, at least.'

'You mean I don't phone you now?'

'Only when you need something.'

'Fine. Tomorrow I'll make a point of calling you. First thing. But at this moment I happen to be here.'

'I couldn't care less about the telephone. But at least if you'd hold me a bit first. Or say something loving to me.'

'Don't I ever say loving things to you?'

'Most of the time you don't say anything. When we were going out together — do you remember? In those days you used to say all sorts of nice things. You used to call me your little pussy cat.'

'Yes, I liked the pussy cat one. I thought it had a nice ambiguity.'

'That never occurred to me, I must say. And there was I thinking you meant I had claws.'

'You never struck me as having claws.'

'A woman is what a man makes her. Anyway you used to jump on me wherever we went. In the woods or the park. And once, out in the yard behind the bins, remember? I told you you were off your head, that someone would see us.'

'But it was pitch dark.'

'It may have been dark, but it stank of garbage. That didn't worry you, though, your mind was on one thing.'

'I wanted you. I was crazy about you.'

'Yes. And each time you'd tell me you loved me over and over again. You never stopped saying it in those days, and now you grab me without a word. You act like an animal.'

'I can hardly go on telling you I love you for fifteen years, can I?'

'Why not, if you love me?'

'I'd feel like a parrot. Or a robot. Repeating the same sentence over and over again.'

'You don't seem to mind acting like a robot and doing the same thing over and over again.'

'What am I then — a robot or an animal?'

'You act like a programmed animal.'

'Thank you. That's something you wouldn't have said fifteen years ago.'

'Because you used to act differently. Or you used to tell me you loved me in those days. And I hadn't heard of programming then.'

'Okay. So I'll tell you I love you.'

'I don't want you to tell me, I want you to love me.'

'But that's hardly something you can ask of me, is it?'

'Don't you love me any more then?'

'I didn't say that.'

'But you don't, do you? I'm only good for one thing.'

'It seems you're not even good for that, are you?'

'You're vile. You always were. And you only called me pussy because it sounded dirty. And it never even occurred to me at the time.'

'There was nothing wrong with the fact that I wanted every part of you.'

'Did you want me then?'

'Of course, I still do.'

'I don't only mean just below the waist.'

'I still want all of you.'

'There was only one side of me you were ever really interested in. The rest you regarded as a sort of necessary evil.'

'What do you mean by the rest?'

'The fact I had a soul. Or feelings, seeing that you don't believe in the soul.'

'I've always tried to respect them.'

'Not my feelings, you haven't. You've only thought about yourself. You know that full well.'

'What do I know full well?'

'No one has ever hurt me the way you did.'

'Me? When did I hurt you?'

'The time you didn't take precautions and you bullied me into having an abortion. Or have you forgotten?'

'But you didn't have it.'

'No, I didn't. Because I'd never do anything like that. But you wanted me to. You wanted to kill our little boy.'

'Our little boy is now fifteen and he's thriving.'

'Agreed. But you wanted me to have him killed.'

'I didn't force you into anything, did I. I simply thought the

time wasn't yet right for children. Anyway, the boy's alive, so

what's the point of talking about it?'

'Only thanks to me. You would have had him murdered.

And me along with him.'

'If he hadn't lived, another one would have.'

'How dare you say that to me? Get out! Get out of my sight!'

'Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. Even at the time.'

'You did. You disgusting creature.'

'I see. So I'm a vulture, whereas you're a. .'

'Yes, you are a vulture. And you're doing your best to make

a corpse of me.'

'I notice you're hardly in the door and you're already singing to yourself.'

'Why shouldn't I sing if I'm in a good mood?'

'You're in a good mood, then? I'm glad to hear it. What brought that on?'

'Not you, that's for sure!'

'That's obvious, seeing you've spent the day God knows where.'

'Yes, God knows, and you don't. That's what bugs you, doesn't it? Had supper already?'

'I had a slice of bread.'

'Did you butter it at least?'

'I didn't eat it dry.'

'How about the children?'

'I gave them some bread too. Buttered.'

'What else?'

'You're very curious all of a sudden. Why didn't you come and see to it yourself?'

'I'm glad you gave them their supper.'

'For the fourth time this week.'

'Is that a fact? But you told me to have the week off. It was your idea.'

'The reason I suggested it was because I couldn't stand to hear you moaning about how you sacrifice yourself for us any longer.'

'It was a nice gesture.'

'Have a good time today?'

'Splendid, thank you.'

'May I ask with whom?'

'You may. But I don't have to reply, do I?'

'It is the polite thing to reply when someone asks a question.'

'And you're someone, all of a sudden?'

'Who am I then?'

'You're my darling heart.'

'You can't mean me.'

'There's no one else here, is there?'

'I can't see anyone, but maybe in your mind's eye you can see someone else in my place.'

'I see you. You smile at me nicely, you've given the children their supper and you're even interested in who I spent the afternoon with.'

'And the evening.'

'The evening's now, with you.'

'The evening began a good while ago.'

'Could you tell me when exactly? I have to admit I'm never really sure when the evening actually begins.'

'Six o'clock, say.'

'Even now in the summer?'

'Six o'clock is the time for the family to come together.'

'So that's why you are always home on the stroke of six.'

'Whenever I'm able, I'm here. And you've not answered my question.'

'Did you ask me something?'

'You know very well what I asked you.'

'I'm afraid I've forgotten.'

'I see you don't intend to answer. That's an answer too. Aren't you even going to kiss me?'

'Of course I am, my darling.'

'Have you been drinking?'

'No. I had a glass of wine with Olga.'

'Olga who?'

'I thought you asked me who I spent the afternoon with.'

'And the evening.'

'Now I'm with you. And you know who Olga is, don't you? I must have mentioned her at least a hundred times. But then my girlfriends never did interest you, did they?'

'It's you I'm interested in, not your girlfriends.'

'You ought to know that girlfriends are part of every woman's life.'

'Wherever did you come across that bit of wisdom? You really have been drinking!'

'I've had a glass of wine.'

'Or two.'

'Or two.'

'How many?'

'I don't keep count of things like you do, my darling.'

'You're telling me. But I suppose you noticed how much you had to pay at the end. Or didn't you pay the bill?'

'Of course I paid for myself. I'd hardly let Olga pay for me.'

'That's assuming there was only Olga.'

'Do you think I'm lying to you?'

'I'm not saying you're lying to me. You told me you were with Olga, but that doesn't mean you two were alone, does it?'

'Oh, you're such a precise and logical thinker.'

'Would you mind answering then?'

'Did you ask me something?'

'I asked you if there was someone else there apart from Olga.'

'So that was a question, was it? Do men interest you, or only women?'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Whether you're interested in men as well as women?'

'What interests me is who you've been spending all afternoon and evening with while your family have been waiting at home for you.'

'There were about twenty people in the place. But we had a table to ourselves. There was one rather nice-looking, dark-haired man who came and asked if he could join us, but we refused him politely.'

'Who refused him?'

'I don't recall. Me, or Olga.'

'While we're on the subject of dark-haired men — this is a little embarrassing — but today my assistant told me that he saw you on Monday with a dark-haired chap.'

'According to you your assistant's a fool.'

'He may be a fool, but he's not blind.'

'I didn't say he was. Where and when did he see me?

'On Monday, at the bottom of Wenceslas Square.'

'Monday's a long day.'

'Monday's as long a day as any other and I assume you

don't spend the whole day in Wenceslas Square.'

'Ah, now I remember. It was Vašek. We just happened to bump into each other.'

'Who's Vašek?'

'A college friend.'

'What would a college friend of yours be doing at the bottom of Wenceslas Square?'

Why shouldn't he be there? Do you think my college pals are banned from the bottom of Wenceslas Square on Mondays or something?'

'I was always under the impression you went to college in Kolín.'

'But darling, most of my fellow students moved to Prague ages ago.'

'What does he do, this Vašek?'

'You're jealous, my darling.'

'I'm not, and stop calling me darling, when you'd sooner bite me.'

'Darling, you may not even be aware of it, but you really are jealous!'

'I'm not. I just don't intend to be made a total fool of.'

'No, your assistant's the fool.'

'Why didn't you tell me about this Vašek?'

'You didn't ask.'

'How could I ask when you didn't tell me you just happened to bump into him?'

'Why the stress on the words "bump into"?'

'It's just that it really does strike me as an extraordinary coincidence that you should bump into a college friend from Kolín at the bottom of Wenceslas Square at half past ten on a Monday morning.'

'Your assistant may be a fool, but he has a good idea of the time.'

'My assistant isn't such a fool. Maybe I'm a bigger one. How come you were at the bottom of Wenceslas Square at that time?'

'On Mondays I have a free period from ten to twelve. I thought you knew my timetable.'

'You've never felt the need to communicate it to me.'

'I don't expect you were interested. Besides, it's always changing.'

'Besides which it suits you that I don't know your free periods. But you haven't told me yet why you never mentioned him to me.'

'I suppose that evening as usual you didn't have time to talk. And anyway it never occurred to me you'd be interested in any of my old college friends.'

'What interests me is who you spend your time with. That's quite normal, I would have thought.'

'You mustn't be jealous, darling. You know you're the only one I have. Because I for one know I'd never find another man like you in the whole wide world.'

'You're drunk.'

'After three glasses of wine? You underestimate me!'

'The only thing I underestimate is your ability to count how many glasses of wine you have actually drunk. Are you going to tell me something about this college chum of yours?'

'We met. He asked me how I was.'

'You didn't ask him?'

'Yes.'

'So what's he doing?'

'What do you mean, what's he doing? He's got a wife and two children. And he works in television. If that's what you mean.'

'Did you go and find somewhere to sit?'

'You didn't expect us to stand on the corner in that heat, did you?'

'And he wasn't with you today?'

'Today I was with Olga.'

'So you say.'

'Are you saying I'm lying?'

'I didn't say anything of the sort.'

'No, you only hinted at it. You just don't believe me. You should give your assistant a good ticking-off for failing to follow me closely enough. Or maybe hire an agency. It's possible these days. You pay them and they can snoop out who I was sitting in the wine bar with. You're disgusting!'

'So I'm disgusting, am I? You come home at night drunk and I'm the disgusting one.'

'I didn't,come home at night and I'm more sober after a bottle of wine than you are after two glasses of lemonade.'

'Who's the dark-haired guy? Surely you can say a couple of normal sentences to me?'

'He's a fellow student from Kolín. We bumped into each other at the bottom of Wenceslas Square. I had an hour free and we went and sat somewhere. What interests you is if we made a date. No, we didn't. But he gave me his telephone number. Do you want it?'

'No, but I'm getting tired of your evasions.'

'I'm the one doing the evading? I toil for hours at school and then rush home here in a sweat in order to look after you lot. Then, out of the kindness of your heart, you offer me a week off and after five days you interrogate me as if I was your slave.'

'You're far from being a slave, very far. But you still haven't answered me.'

'And I don't intend to, because I find both your tone and this whole interrogation insulting.'

'Okay. Well, I find the situation you're placing me in degrading.'

'I'm placing you in some kind of situation?'

'Yes. Even my assistant has already. .'

'God in heaven, why do I have to keep hearing about that fool?'

'It's me who's the fool, not him, for putting up with this.'

'So don't put up with it then. Just leave me alone.'

'What's that supposed to mean, "don't put up with it"?'

'Seeing as I don't know what you actually object to, I can't tell what it implies. What I do know is that you've spoiled my mood, and that I don't want to listen to you any more.'

'Now or ever again?'

'Now and preferably never again.'

'Fine. We can get a divorce.'

'Okay, then.'

'You can say it just like that?'

'It was you who said it, not me.'

'I said it because I know that's all you're waiting for.'

'Maybe it is, but it's you who said it. And besides, you'll never divorce me because you know full well you'd never find anyone else to put up with you, not even if you sent all your assistants out scouting.'

(1994)