Lunar Park

5. the college

Part of the town we lived in seemed dreamed up and fractured and modern: tilted buildings spaced widely apart, with facades that resembled cascading ribbons, and concrete slabs fluttering over one another, and electronic signs wrapped around the buildings, and there were gigantic liquid-crystal display screens, and zip strips quoting stock prices and delivering the day’s headlines, and neon decorated the courthouse, and a Jumbotron TV was perched above the Bloomingdale’s that took up four blocks of downtown. But beyond this district the town also boasted a 2000-acre nature preserve and horse farms and two golf courses, and there were more children’s bookstores than there were Barnes & Nobles. My route to the college ran past numerous playgrounds and a baseball field, and on Main Street (where I stopped to buy a Starbucks latte) there were a variety of gourmet food stores, a first-class cheese shop, a row of patisseries, a friendly pharmacist who filled my Klonopin and Xanax prescriptions, an understated cineplex and a family-run hardware store, and all the surrounding streets were lined with magnolia and dogwood and cherry trees. At a stoplight festooned with fresh flowers I watched a chipmunk climb a telephone pole while I sipped my nonfat latte. The latte revived me to the point where my hangover seemed like something that had happened last week. And I was suddenly, inexplicably content as I drove through the town’s shady streets. I passed a potato field. I passed horses grazing outside a barn. At the campus gates, the security guard tipped his hat to me as I raised my latte, acknowledging him.

The first time I spotted the cream-colored 450 SL was on that warm, clear Halloween afternoon. It sat at the curb just outside the faculty parking lot and I smiled as I passed it in recognition of the fact that it was the same make and color of the car my father had driven in the late seventies, a car I’d inherited when I turned sixteen. This one was a convertible as well, and the intriguing coincidence brought a brief rush of memories—a freeway, sun glinting off the hood, staring out the windshield at the twisting roads of Mulholland while the Go-Gos blared from the stereo, the top down and palm trees swaying above me. I made nothing of it at the time: there were plenty of rich kids at the college, and a car like that wasn’t necessarily out of place. So the memories vanished once I parked in my designated space, lifted the stack of paperbacks of my short story collection, The Informers, off the passenger seat and headed toward my office, which was in a small and charming red barn that overlooked the campus—the building was, in fact, called the Barn. Still smiling to myself, I realized that my sole reason for being here today was that my office was the only place Aimee Light would meet me now—under the auspices of a student-teacher counseling session, even though she wasn’t my student, I wasn’t her teacher and no counseling was planned. (We had attempted a single tryst at her off-campus apartment, but there was an obnoxious cat inhabiting it that I was deeply allergic to.)

On the steps of a library sheathed in metal and glass, hungover students were catching rays. Walking across the quad I stopped to help tap a keg (and sneak a beer) in front of a new art installation. Soccer players in DKNY sportswear loped across the quad’s green field, and except for a few Goths sitting beneath the overhang of Commons (where I dropped off the stack of The Informers, placing it on the “Free with Student ID” table) everyone looked as if they’d stepped out of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue. It all resembled something extremely enticing, and again I was taken back into the past, to my years at Camden. In fact the whole campus—the vibe, the placement of the dorms, the design of the main buildings—reminded me of Camden, even though this was just another small and expensive liberal arts college in the middle of nowhere.

“Yo, Mr. Ellis, great party last night—what’s going down?” someone called out. It was a jock from my writing class who had a modicum of talent.

“Yo, I’m down, I’m very down, Jesse,” I called back good-naturedly and then added, as an afterthought, “Rock on.”

Students kept calling out as I walked up to the Barn, thanking me for the party none of them had been invited to but that they all had apparently attended nonetheless. And so my professorial smile was followed by their gratified laughter. There was also the nervous-looking Jewish student (David Abromowitz) I nodded to as I passed and who, I must confess, I was a little into. The compliments about the rad party kept rolling in, and I returned friendly waves to students I’d never even seen before.

On the door of my office was a note from a student I never heard of canceling an appointment I didn’t recall having made, apologizing for her “outburst” in last Wednesday’s class. I tried hard to remember the student and what the outburst had been about but couldn’t come up with anything, because the class was a sleepwalk—so laid-back and comfortable and informal that even the suggestion of an outburst was worrisome. In class I always tried to sound lighthearted and encouraging, but since I was so famous and probably closer to their age than any other teacher (though I was completely autonomous from the rest of the faculty and really didn’t know for sure) my students looked at me in awe. While critiquing their stories I tried to ignore their expressions of fear and alarm.

I sat down at my desk and immediately flipped open my laptop and started making up a dream to feed Dr. Kim, the diminutive Korean shrink my wife found through our couples counselor, Dr. Faheida. Dr. Kim, a strict Freudian and a big believer in how the unconscious expressed itself in dream imagery, wanted me to bring in a new dream every week so we could interpret it, but because her accent was so thick that half the time I had no idea what she was saying, and the added fact that I was no longer having dreams, these sessions were almost unbearable. But Jayne insisted on (and was paying for) them, so it was easier to endure these hours than face the hassles of not showing up. (Besides, this charade was my only means of keeping the Klonopin and Xanax prescriptions up to date—and without them I was a goner.) Meanwhile Dr. Kim was catching on—becoming more suspicious with each new made-up dream—but my assignment was to bring in one today, so while waiting for Aimee Light to arrive (and hopefully undress) I dutifully concentrated on what kind of dream would be burbling in my unconscious at this point. Glancing at my watch I saw this had to be quick. I had to make up the dream, type it up, and print it out, and then—after somehow having sex with Aimee Light—dash over to Dr. Kim’s office by three. Today: water, plane crash, being chased by . . . a lively badger (remember: animals were not my friends); I was naked on the plane, the lively badger was . . . also on the plane, and maybe its name was . . . Jayne.

When I looked up a student had appeared in the doorway and was staring at me sheepishly. There was nothing unusual about him at first glance: tall, handsome in a generic way, a lean face, slightly chiseled, thick reddish brown hair very tightly cropped, a backpack slung over his shoulders. He was wearing jeans and an antique olive green Armani sweater with the designer’s emblem—an eagle—on it (antique because it was a sweater I had once owned when I was a college student). He was holding a Starbucks cup and seemed more alert than the squinty-eyed slackers that populated the campus. And though I couldn’t place him I knew I’d seen him before, and so I was intrigued. Plus he was holding a copy of my first novel, Less Than Zero, which made me stand up and say, “Hello.”

The boy seemed almost shocked that I’d acknowledged him and was suddenly incapable of saying anything until I quickly spoke again.

“That’s a wonderful novel you’re hold—”

“Oh, yeah, hi, hope I’m not bothering you.”

“No, not at all. Come in, come in.”

He looked away and blushed deeply, then shuffled into the office and carefully sat down in the chair across the desk from me.

“Well, I’m a big fan, Mr. Ellis.”

“Isn’t there a law against formality at this place?” I said with an expression of mock distaste, hoping to relax him since he was sitting so rigidly in the chair. “Call me Bret.” I paused. “And have we met before?”

“Um, I’m Clayton and I’m a freshman here and I don’t think so,” the boy said. “I just wanted to know if you could sign this for me.” His hands trembled slightly as he held up the book.

“Of course. I’d be happy to.” I studied him as he handed me the book, which was in pristine condition. I opened it to the copyright page and saw it was a first edition, which made the book I was holding an extremely rare and valuable copy.

“I have class in a couple of minutes, so . . .” He gestured at himself.

“Oh, of course. I won’t keep you long.” I set the book down and searched my desk for a pen. “So, Clayton . . . I assume all your friends call you Clay.”

He stared at me and then—understanding what I was getting at—grinned and said, “Yeah.” He waved a hand at the book. “Like Clay in the novel.”

“That’s the connection I made,” I said, opening a drawer. “Is there another?” I found a pen and then looked up. He was staring at me questioningly. “That’s the right one. You were correct,” I assured him, but then I couldn’t help it: “You look very familiar.”

He just shrugged.

“Well, what are you majoring in?” I asked.

“I want to be a writer.” It seemed hard for him to admit this.

“Did you apply to my writing course?”

“I’m a freshman. It’s only open to juniors and seniors.”

“Well, I could have pulled a few strings,” I said delicately.

“Based on what?” he asked, a snap in his voice.

I realized that I was flirting with him and suddenly looked back at the book and the pen in my hand, embarrassed for myself.

“I’m not really any good,” he offered, sitting up, noting the sudden, subtle shift in the room’s vibe.

“Well, neither are any of my other students so you’d fit right in.” I laughed dryly. He did not.

“My parents . . .” Again, he hesitated. “Well, my dad, actually . . . he wanted me to go to business school and so . . .”

“Ah yes, the age-old dilemma.”

Clayton purposefully checked his watch—another gesture that indicated he needed to go. “You can just sign my name—I mean, your name.” He stood up.

“Are you working on anything?” I asked gently as I signed my name with an uncharacteristic flourish on the title page.

“Well, I have part of a novel done.”

I handed him back the book. “Well, if you’re interested in showing me anything . . .” I left the offer hanging there, waiting for him to accept.

At that point I realized where I’d seen Clayton before.

He was at the Halloween party last night.

He was dressed as Patrick Bateman.

I had seen him when I was looking out Sarah’s window as he disappeared into the darkness of Elsinore Lane.

I breathed in, something caught in me and I shivered.

He was putting the book in his backpack when I asked, “So, you weren’t at the party my wife and I threw last night?”

He stiffened and said, “No. No, I wasn’t.”

This was answered so genuinely that I couldn’t register if he was lying or not. Plus, if he’d crashed the party, why admit to it now?

“Really? I thought I saw you there.” I couldn’t help but keep pressing.

“Um, no, wasn’t me.” He just stood in front of my desk, waiting.

I realized I needed to say something that would get him moving.

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Clayton.”

“Yes, you too.”

I held out a hand. He abruptly shook it and looked away, mumbling his thanks as I heard footsteps coming down the hall.

Clayton heard the footsteps too and, without saying anything else, turned to leave my office.

But Aimee Light bumped into him in the doorway and they glanced at each other briefly before Clayton rushed away.

“Who was that?” Aimee asked casually, swaying in.

I walked over to the door, still slightly dazed from the encounter, and watched as Clayton disappeared down an empty corridor. I stood there trying to figure out why he had lied about being at the party last night. Well, he was shy. Well, he hadn’t been invited. Well, he wanted to come. Whatever.

Aimee spoke again. “Was that a student of yours?”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, closing the door. “A very interesting young man whose allotted seven minutes had just expired.”

Aimee was leaning against my desk, facing me, and wearing an alluring summer dress, and she knew exactly what the response to an alluring summer dress at the end of October would be—a carnal promise. I immediately walked up to her and she pushed herself up until she was sitting on the desk and then spread her legs and I walked between them as she wrapped them around my waist, straddling me as I stood looking down at her. This was all extremely encouraging.

“A sycophant?” she asked demurely.

“No—then he would have received an allotted ten minutes.”

We kissed.

“So democratic,” she sighed.

“Hey, it’s part of my teacher’s oath.” Kissing her, I kept tasting lip gloss, which took me back to high school and the girls I’d dated when flavored lip gloss was the rage and I was making out on a chaise longue next to a black-bottomed pool in Encino and I was tan and wearing a puka shell necklace and Foreigner’s “Feels Like the First Time” was playing and her name was Blair and the delicious, slightly fruity odor of bubble gum was drifting into the office now and I was lost until I realized Aimee had pulled back and was staring up at me. My hand was at the nape of her neck.

“I just saw Alvin,” she said.

I sighed. Alvin Mendolsohn was her thesis instructor. I had never met him.

“And what did Alvin say?”

She sighed too. “ ‘Why are you wasting your time on this?’ ”

“Why does your advisor hate me so much?”

“I have my speculations.”

“Would you care to share them with me?” I was gently running a fingertip up and down her forearm. I lightly stroked her wrist.

“He thinks you’re part of the problem.”

“Jesus, what an asshole.” I kissed her again, my hands’ innate sense of direction leading them to her breasts.

She nudged the hands away. “How’s the house—not too wrecked, I hope,” she asked, as I pressed my erection against her thigh, which she tensed. I was becoming more insistent and about to push away the laptop and lay her down on the desk when she asked, “Does Jayne know about us?”

I moved away from her slightly, but she grinned and kept me in position with her legs.

“Why do you ask?” I said. “Why are you asking this now?”

“She was looking at me strangely last night.”

I moved in again, kissing her neck and then her inner arm—she now had goose bumps. “It was just the lighting. Forget about it.”

Aimee leaned away from me again. “I got the definite impression that she was studying me.”

I sighed and stood up straight. “Are we ever going to do it, or what?”

“Oh, God—”

“Because I, for one, do not think I’m too young.”

She laughed loudly, throwing her head back. “No, it’s not that.”

“And you’re becoming very quickly the biggest cocktease I’ve ever met in my life and it’s not funny, Aimee.” I grabbed her hand and moved it toward my crotch. “You wanna feel how not funny it is?”

“I shouldn’t be involved with you for any number of reasons,” she said, sitting up. But I wouldn’t budge from my position. She kept sighing. “Look, number one is you’re married—”

“For only three months!” I wailed.

“Bret—”

I moved in again, burying my face in her neck. “Married guys live longer.”

“There’s no research that indicates being married is a good idea.”

I moved down to my knees until I was staring between her parted thighs. I placed a hand beneath her dress, feeling the navel ring in the middle of her soft, tanned stomach. My hand glided across her lower abdomen and down around her hip bones. The little slope at the base of her spine, right above her ass—I rubbed that indentation delicately, massaging it with very gentle, circular motions, and then my hands moved to the spot where her ass cheeks met her thighs. My hands started moving toward her panties and the uncharted territory that lay beneath them. She tried to close her thighs but I gripped them tightly, holding them open. Straining, I managed to say, “I read a study in a magazine somewhere.” She struggled to close her thighs. My teeth were clenched. “Something connecting coital frequency to life span.” I finally let go, panting.

“That is such bullshit,” she said, laughing.

“Look, I’m trying to trigger a sexual response in you, so why aren’t you convulsing with pleasure?”

She relaxed as I stood up, and we kissed again. I became lost in her once more. “God, what are you wearing?” I murmured. “That smell, it takes me back.”

“To where?”

I was licking her mouth. “Just, like, back. The past. I’m reexperiencing my whole adolescence.”

“Just with this lip gloss?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “It’s like those little tangerines in Proust.”

“You mean madeleines.”

“Yeah, like those little tangerines.”

“How . . . did you get this job?”

“Shapely legs.” I was feeling her stomach again, pulling gently on the ring piercing her navel. “Can I get one of those too? We can have matching navel rings. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

“Yeah, it would really set off those abs of yours.”

“Are you talking about my six-pack?”

“I think I’m talking about your, um, keg.”

“You’re very sexy, baby, but I’m equally hot.”

And then, as usual, it stopped. This time it was mutual. She had places to go, and I had to print out a dream and head over to Dr. Kim’s.

While we were getting ready to leave the office, Aimee said something.

“That boy who was in here earlier . . .”

“Yeah. Do you know him?”

She paused. “No, but he looked familiar.”

“Yeah, I thought so too. Did you see him at the party last night?” I asked, while the printer started cranking out my assignment.

“I’m not sure, but he reminded me of someone.”

“Yeah, he went as Patrick Bateman. He was the guy in the Armani suit. Very creepy.”

“Um, Bret, I have news for you: you were so wasted I don’t think you could have recognized anybody by the time that party hit full force.”

I shrugged, slipped the dream into my jacket and picked up a few stories students had left in the bin by my door. It was quiet. Aimee was thinking about something else while she lit a cigarette.

“Yeah? What is it?” I asked. “I’m gonna be late.”

“It’s weird you said Patrick Bateman,” she said.

“Why?”

“Because I thought he looked a little like Christian Bale.”

We were both silent for a long time, because Christian Bale was the actor who had played Patrick Bateman in the film version of American Psycho.

“But he also looked like you,” Aimee said. “Give or take twenty years.”

I started shivering again.

Back in the parking lot, the cream-colored 450 SL was no longer there.

I noticed.