Maudie: revelations of life in London

CHAPTER THREE

Charlie's aunt, the dowager Lady Lavinia McCree, was not a woman who 'came' into rooms, nor could she be said to 'enter' them, or even 'rush' or 'burst' or 'sweep' in. She was there all of a sudden, before you had any idea of her arrival. Charlie was kissed, and Maudie warmly shaken hands with.

'How are you, Charlie? How foolish of you to be knocked down: I'm sure it was very good of this lady to pick you up. Of course you were drunk-so like your poor father. If there'd been motorists about to knock him down and look after him, he'd never have got into the Thames at Westminster Bridge, thinking it was his bath, and caught his death.

'-And so, my dear, you are Countess Orloffsky. Of course you must be sister-in-law or something to poor Paul Orloffsky; I knew him well. He married his cook, and she poisoned him with Rough on Rats in a pate, or something, and married the butler, and they took a hotel in Switzerland and had so many children. I fear he was a sad lot, my dear-your brother-in-law, I mean, not the butler-just like Charlie's father, and Charlie-but now that he has found a friend in you, I know you will have an immensely good influence. And that dear, good Mr Evans-James, too, I do wish Charlie could see more of him-such a good influence.'

Tubby, who had been stifling a silly giggle, now almost exploded.

'So good of you, my dear, to let me use your car, such nice things, and so convenient, especially for people like Mr Evans-James, being so fat, and unable to get about for his good works. His dear mother tells me how often he has to be away from town seeing after his camp missions.'

The old lady, having rattled this out at express speed, shut up as suddenly as she had begun, and sat down.

When she had been borne away to tidy up, Tubby took Charlie into the smoking-room.

Tubby was a very fat little man, with an exceptionally solemn cast of countenance, except when drunk, which was not infrequent. He had more money than he knew what to do with, and he welcomed anyone who would help him spend it as a benefactor.

'I say, old chap,' he said, 'this is a go.'

'Oh, I think your lady friend'll carry it off-auntie won't stop long.'

'I'm not so sure about that; she's after me and those damned camps that I've talked so much about. The place at home is full of photos of 'em. Maudie faked 'em here. There's a wonderful studio here y'know-perhaps she's shown it you?'

'She has. '

'Oh, I say, you mustn't be upset or anything-but this is a hot shop, y'know. Well, 1 thought it too hot even to ask you.

Oh, I say, did you really get knocked down by Maudie and the car? I could have sworn I saw you coming out of the Empire, boozed as a cock-bird. You didn't go and pick her up anywhere, did you?'

'Of course not; she wouldn't. She's been talking of nothing but you.'

'Bless her little heart! Well, we must make the most of it, Maudie says. You're staying the night. All the maids fuck, y'know,' he giggled fatuously. 'Try little Jessie.'

'Oh, I don't think so, old chap. I don't do much of that sort of thing.'

'No more do I; not 'cos I don't like it, y'know, but I'm so fat, and it's such a dashed sweat. Like seeing other chaps do it much better. Lots of that here: oh, it is a hot shop. Pa's been here, he! he! Gad, if your old aunt cottons on! I must put Maudie up to the settlement-camps business. Well, I must go and wash. You'll have the green room-artichoke, I call it-next to ours tonight. I'll wake you tomorrow morning.'

Charlie had fully determined to take this job on. He foresaw but little trouble over the Tubby business. He would make himself so useful that he knew he would be forgiven anything.

After dinner that night he begged to be excused. Sitting alone in the little smoking-room, he began to think out his plans.

It was a great idea. With that wealth he could ransack Europe for girls. Wasn't it better than?300 a year and the secretaryship of a club-and if, in duty bound to Tubby, he mustn't go wrong with Maudie, for whom he already felt an almost ungovernable lust, there certainly would be no lack of others.

At that moment one of the pretty maids came in without knocking.

'Oh, mistress's compliments, sir, but she'd forgotten to give you the key of the wine and spirit cupboards; there they are. I'll open them.'

She brought out the necessaries, also a pile of books.

'Mistress says you might like these, too,' she giggled. 'Let me show you the best,' and she flicked over the pages of an obviously very erotic book, full of coloured plates of lust in every form. 'Saucy, aren't they? Look at this.'

It portrayed three couples, hopelessly mixed up, tongues, lips, cocks and cunts in helpless and joyful confusion.

She put her hand on Charlie's shoulder, playfully flicking his ear, and bending over kissed his forehead, pressing her breasts against the back of his head..

'I'm glad you've come,' she cooed; 'so are all the girls. We like you. I'm going to bring your hot water up tonight; mind you're awake.'

Charlie couldn't help it. He pulled her round on to his knee. She put his hand under her clothes herself, and wriggled. 'It's all right,' she said; 'no one will come in. This is what I'm best at,' and she slipped between his legs and undid his fly buttons with her teeth.

'You little devil!' was all Charlie could say.

A confused, gurgling noise was the only answer-his prick seemed to be half-way down her throat.

He nervously fingered her head-she had deliciously soft hair-and abandoned himself to a transport of lust.

She gently tickled his balls till his cock seemed to throb like a motorbike engine, and-well, it couldn't last forever: he spent like Niagara.

The pretty girl threw back her head and gulped it down. 'I say, old chap,' came Tubby's voice from behind, 'you're starting early, y'know, and you've got the nicest, by God, y'have, but, I say, your aunt's looking for you, and she's going to stay the night, and what the devil are we going to do, what, what!'

The pretty maid stood up, blushing, and hung her head. 'You'd better be off, my dear,' said Tubby; 'and, for heavens sake, be careful what you do and say while that old lady's in the house.'

When they were alone, Charlie apologised..

'Oh, don't worry about that, old chap. You can do what you like to the girls, but it's your aunt-quick, for God's sake put those books away: I hear a rustle.'

Charlie was just in time. Lady Lavinia was in the room just as the cupboard door slammed.

She sniffed at the collection of liquors.

'As I thought, drinking-and solitary drinking. Why couldn't you be like your friend and come into the drawing room for a little music?'

'And what's this?' She picked up a maid's cap from the floor. 'One of the servant's caps! What's it doing here?'

'Oh, I suppose she must have dropped it,' answered Charlie, pettishly. 'I'll come down to the drawing-room now. It'll be bedtime in a few minutes.'

In the servants' quarters of the house, discussion as to the identity and raison d'etre of the new guests ran rife.

Young men of the world like Charlie were no new thing, but Aunt Lavinia-in such a house-well! 'Such particular instructions. I've had to clear her room of anything saucy,' said the old housekeeper, gossiping in her room with the butler and the chauffeur; 'and I'm to take 'er tea myself: let none of them 'ussies go near.

'It makes me fair nervous, it do. Not that I altogether 'old with these games 'ere, but we're all in it, with our eyes open-oh, dear, if she should see some of them pictures.'

''Twould be a to-do, and no error,' said the butler.

'And the good lady she tink Mr Bertie so good young man vos-ha! ha!' and the chauffeur laughed viciously. 'She into what you call a 'ornets' nest' as got, is it not?'

In the servants' hall speculation was also rife: guests seldom arrived at that house except in very large parties, motor loads at a time, as a rule. And as for mistress bringing home a single young man, she hadn't done such a thing for years.

No one had seen his condition when he arrived except the chauffeur, who had maintained a dogged silence. He had been told to do so, and his job was too good to lose.

They were a free and easy lot in the servants' hall at Maudie's, with a very large preponderance of women, mere girls, many of them, and all pretty. In fact, the house was ridiculously over-stocked with females. There was nothing for them to do save when the very big parties were on, and then they were more required for the photography than anything else.

There were only two men, both deft-handed servants and both French, and a French-American cook, who was rather a wet blanket on the general irresponsibility of the girls. There remained the page-boy, and several other young boys and girls who helped in the scullery.

The girls did not care much for the two Frenchmen, and the cook thought of nothing at all but inventing new dishes; hence the joy with which Charlie was received.

It was an appetising scene. Everything in the house was done, and the girls sprawled in varied alluring dishabilles -it was a hot night, and drawers and chemise, or chemise only, or drawers and vest, or, for one or two, vest only was the chosen attire. Two were quite naked. The room was very comfortable to lounge in, and Maudie didn't care what happened so long as she was waited on quickly. Two girls remained dressed, ready to see their mistress and Lady Lavinia to bed when rung for.

The page-boy was in general demand, fetching coffee and cigarettes, and came in for a good deal more petting than was good for him. In fact, he was quite blase. The warm caress of a semi-naked divinity had no effect on him.

They disappeared to bed by degrees, till only Elsie and May were left.

'Are you going to take the new gentleman any hot water?' queried May.

'Yes,' answered Elsie.

It was she who had come into the smoking-room. 'May I follow you?'\'

'A good half-hour after me. I tell you, dear, I need something badly; I haven't had my legs opened for a week, and it's just about time. You come in later, and we'll see what the two of us can't make him do; he's got a rare big 'un.'

'Right'-and they sealed the compact with a kiss.

There are few things more engaging than the sight of two pretty women, who are both lustful, and who really care for each other, kissing as if they meant it.

Upstairs, after two whiskies and sodas, which she was not accustomed to, Aunt Lavinia became first garrulous, then sleepy. After her departure, the three culprits first looked serious, then giggled.

Maudie spoke first.

'Look here, Tubby,' she said, 'the Lord blew Charlie against my carburettor: I recognised him, and brought him here, for a purpose. That purpose I have explained to him, and will to you. I want him to supervise our photographic and theatrical sessions. What do you think?'

'Oh, I think he'd do admirably,' said Tubby, a little doubtfully; 'but what does Charlie think?' 'Oh, I'm game enough.'

'Then let's call it a deal right off,' said Maudie. 'I know you two boys will get on rippingly. We'll just have a nightcap, and then, like Mr Pepys, to bed.'

Tubby rolled over in bed, and grunted, then he kissed his bedfellow, and was immediately asleep. Maudie sighed. She had had a great deal too much of this of late. She thought over the events of the day, and longed for Charlie. For one wild moment she recollected how firmly Tubby slept, and contemplated making a dash for Charlie's room-but prudence prevailed. She mustn't jeopardise the future. She took up a book, Nadia, a lustful romance, and tried to read herself to sleep" but in vain. Her blood boiled, and at last she woke up Tubby roughly.

'Tubby, dear, I must and will be fucked,' she said. 'You hardly ever touch me, and yet you expect me to be true to you. Come on.'

Tubby acquiesced sadly. His extreme stoutness made it quite impossible for him to attack in the old Adam and Eve fashion. He had to do it as the beast of the field. He got out of bed and turned Maudie over its edge. Then, without seeming in the slightest enraptured by the sight of her snowy white buttocks, he deliberately plunged his sausage like machine into that gap which should only have been reserved for connoisseurs.

Of course he liked it: he was very healthy, and full of good food and wine, and his penis swelled enormously as his strokes increased in vigour. Maudie lay on her stomach, her pretty little face buried in the lace-edged pillow, and in her brain, behind her closed eyes, just a blissful vision of Charlie.

Oh! if it had only been Charlie!

The fact is known that sometimes women who, when madly lustful for a particular man, are forced to be carnal elsewhere, derive really more pleasure from the beatific dream of their fancied darling, who in a vision is responsible for the flesh spasms which the unseen operator brings about, than they do when the real darling is in the saddle, so to speak.

Maudie certainly loved it, and she was only just conscious enough of what had happened to bite her tongue to stop crying 'Charlie' as the last violent stroke from her fat lover sent a hard-shot torrent right up to the doors of her womb.

'My God,' she thought, 'I really believe Tubby has copped me this time.'

She hastened to syringe, a precaution she seldom took with her fat lover.

Tubby, on his part, sank exhausted into an armchair.

'You've fair whacked me this time, petlet,' he gasped. 'I've never had a fuck like that with you before. What's come over you?'

The dream was still in Maudie's brain as she answered vaguely, 'How-how can you help it, when you love so much?'

When Tubby did turn off to sleep he dreamed rapturously. Maudie, too, slept well; she was thoroughly tired at last. These physical and mental fucks combined are pretty fairly damaging to the vitality.

Lady Lavinia, when the pretty maid had helped her out of her clothes and given her a nightdress, the decorations of which ill chimed with the elderly widow, removed her wig, put her teeth in a glass, and sniffed round the room.

She could not but approve of the comfort. No detail necessary to coax comfort to the weary or lazy bed-goer was missing.

Maudie had put it to her very delicately that if she had neuralgia-or anything-there was 'something' in the cupboard.

She had a look, and found, in addition to the 'something', a pile of books, one of which she picked out at random.

It was prettily bound, and called Nemesis Hunt. She took it back to bed with her, had a very hearty drop of the 'something', and opened it.

A good many readers of this book may have read Nemesis Hunt, They will remember that that charming and loquacious lady somewhat lets the tail go with the hide in her confessions. A fuck is called a fuck, and there is more than fucking in the three ingenuous volumes.

Lady Lavinia's eyes dilated as she read. Once before, in the very early days of her married life, she had been shown a book like this by her husband, and she remembered now, with a sigh, what a night they had subsequently had.

Her first impulse was to throw down the book in anger-the consciousness of her position, her reputation, flashed through her brain-but curiosity prevailed, and Lady Lavinia, firmly adjusting her glasses, took another strong sip of the 'something', and started seriously in to read the first volume of The Confessions of Nemesis Hunt.

"When young, she had been very pretty, and had been much courted. She had loved admiration, and had flirted above a bit.

Her short married life with the late earl had been a long round of love and lust, and frank sexual enjoyment, but his sudden death had brought about an equally sudden revulsion of feeling.

Lady Lavinia had turned suddenly very good – mid-Victorian good. She had, mourned her husband, and put a great deal of mournfulness into other people's lives by doing so-as have other illustrious widows.

Now there came back a rush of something-it must have been Georgian-and she let down the drawbridge.

At the end of the fifteenth page of Nemesis Hunt's pleasant confessions, she decided to leave on the morrow, but return.

Nemesis was put under the pillow, and in that very ultra-modem house there slept what may be described as a memory of Cremome.

Charlie Osmond went to bed with mixed feelings. He had had a very good time; he had a prospect of future life in view, which he rather welcomed-but, he wanted to be with Maudie-not to be immoral; but to talk. It flatly bored him to go to bed.

Outside, the Thames valley looked very peaceful. The dogs, the chickens, everything slept, except Charlie- and Elsie and May, who, after seeing to the little wants of Lady Lavinia and Maudie, bided their time for an invasion into Charlie's room.

That worthy had his suspicions of impending events. He did not lock the door, but sat by the window in his pyjamas, and gazed peacefully out over the moonlit garden and river.

It was altogether rather too nice, too idyllic, and well- the door opened, and Elsie came in without knocking.

She was fully dressed, and carried a tray with hot water and glasses.

Charlie laughed.

'I somehow expected you,' he said; 'but do you know it's very wrong? You don't know what I am, whether I'm married or not, or what trouble this might get me into.'

Elsie laughed.

'Well, I've done it,' she said. 'I meant to from the first moment I saw you. Give me a cigarette and a drink, and let me come and sit in the window, and you won't be bored for the next half-hour, I can promise you.'

Elsie curled up on the comer of the window-seat, the moon full on her delicate little features, lit the proffered Albany cigarette, sipped a little of the whisky and Rosbach, and grinned, frankly grinned.

'I suppose you think it frightful cheek,' she suggested.

'Well, I can't say I don't like your cheek,' and he kissed it.

Elsie kissed him back on the lips, and took off her bodice. She had very pretty arms, and a gold bangle with a purple enamel medallion, worn just above the left elbow, did not make them less attractive.

She drank a little more of the Three Star Bushmills, stood up and slid her skirt off: then her chemise-she wore no petticoats-and to cut a long story short, her next sitting place was on Charlie's knee, and the next kiss had nothing to do with cheeks.

Charlie lifted her on to the bed. Even then, though she was exasperatingly pretty, he could not help thinking of Maudie.

She curled over him; slowly, deliberately and maliciously taking both his hands in hers, and rubbing her soft cheeks against his.

There must be something in telepathy, for at the moment, the precise moment that Charlie reconciled himself to a connection which he knew would be nice, but which he really did not want, save for the exquisite pleasure in thinking that Elsie's arms were Maudie's, that latter lady saw in a blue mist of ecstasy the image of a very loving Charlie-poor Tubby being merely the engine-driver who drove the imagination of her recklessly lustful brain.

Charlie frankly let himself go. There was no light in the room at all bar the shafts of the moon, filtering through the swaying trees. The silhouetted skyline and the delightfully placid atmosphere made Charlie lazy.

He had some recollection of little tickling fingers swiftly undoing the strings of his pyjamas, little tickling fingers also playing with an already erect member, naked arms twisted round his neck, firm, plump legs twisted round his thighs, and-well- he was in-well in-and those soft cheeks were most lustfully pressed to his.

Maudie had been very loving, but-all said and done-as he felt all his love juice being sucked out of him, this, Charlie couldn't help admitting, was better still.

He came in a long rhapsody; the girl jerked the eiderdown over them, and snuggled up. He didn't know whether she meant to stay the night or not, or what the morals of this peculiar house permitted, but it was very comfortable.

He was just going to sleep when the door opened very quietly, and another girl came into the moonlight.

Charlie gave up. He remembered where he was, and determined to die game. The 'other- girl' apologised laughingly, and the original giggled in the sheets.

'You don't mind May, do you?' she said.

'No,' was Charlie's answer; 'but it's got to stop at May, you and May. If I've got to go through the whole personnel of the establishment, I give up.'

May did not answer-but she seemed to slide, just as Elsie had done, out of her clothes, and into bed.

Poor, but happy Charlie-he realised now what a squeezed lemon must feel like-but he valiantly did his duty.

May was more placid than Elsie, more tender, more caressing, perhaps, but Charlie's cock was just as stiff as he felt his balls right against the soft buttocks of his new love.

It was a long fuck and a delightful one. Elsie, wicked little devil, gave every help in her power. She flung back the clothes, and there they lay, three naked bodies in the moonlight. There was no artificial light save the glow of Elsie's cigarette end.

Elsie slipped the pillow down so that her little friend's bottom was just correctly raised, and, as Charlie knelt between May's legs, she guided his penis dexterously in.

May, of course, was shaved, in the fashion of everyone in Maudie's mansion, and Charlie began more and more to appreciate the added charm of the hairless cunt, as he thrust his fingers between their bodies and felt the soft, warm, smooth flesh.

Elsie crept right on top of them, her head between Charlie's legs, so that her tongue swept over and over his swelling balls. As his cock slipped in and out of May, her fingers played with it. May had a large cunt, and Elsie's little finger could slip in beside Charlie's cock.

Her cunt was on his backbone, and on that she frigged herself-he felt the warm love moisture much about the same time as he spent himself in May.

He didn't recollect the actual end, didn't recollect anything till a stream of daylight dazzled him into being, and he found himself alone-with a little note pinned on each side of his broad pillow.

Each read the same: 'Thanks so much.'

Only the handwriting and the signature were different.

One 'Elsie'-the other 'May'. He was thoroughly wakened up by the arrival of the page-boy with tea and a note.

The note simply ran: 'Get down to breakfast as quickly as you can; in the garden; Tubby's going, so's Aunt Lavinia, and we've got to talk business.'

Aunt Lavinia was 'deadly' at breakfast, but she made it plain, in no uncertain terms, that she was coming back.

Tubby, rather a weary Tubby, shovelled her into the car, and they disappeared with a toot and a cloud of dust.

'Well,' said Maudie, coughing the petrol fumes out of her throat, 'I shan't ask you what you've done with your night. I want to get to business at once. Tubby quite sees the business side of the affair.'