Mean Spirit

From Bang to Wrongs: A Bad Boy’s Book,

by GARY SEWARD

Religion, eh?

No doubt, the way I was going on before, about trashing that church and everything, you all probably reckoned Gary Seward was dead against the very idea.

Not so. The only word I have a problem with is ‘faith’. It don’t wash with me, never has. You go through life, everybody’s telling you you got to ‘Stand on your own two feet’, ‘Don’t let the bastards grind you down’, ‘Get a life.’ Everybody except the Church. The Church is bleating, ‘Put your trust in the Lord’, ‘Let the bastards kick sand in your face and turn the other cheek’ and ‘Forget life … Get a death instead.’ Leastways, that’s my understanding of theology: if you don’t go through life as a total mug, you can expect to get the shit kicked out of you in a big way after you turn belly-up.

I had many an argument with prison chaplains about this. I say, Listen, mate, you give us all this old toffee about the sinner what done a U-turn being guaranteed a special place at the top table, but HOW DO YOU KNOW? And he’ll say, I got faith, Gary, and I say, But suppose you’re WRONG … suppose you got it all COMPLETELY TO COCK … you’ve wasted your life, ain’tcha? He says, That’s very narrow thinking, Gary, if you don’t mind me saying so … on account he knows he ain’t got an answer.

And all the time I’m thinking, I bet I could get a bleedin’ answer …