Mindbend

CHAPTER 5

The Eastern shuttle to Washington provided the first peace Adam had experienced since the previous night. After Jennifer had slammed the bedroom door, Adam tried lying down on the uncomfortable Victorian couch. He’d attempted to read about pancreatitis, but found it impossible to concentrate. There was no way he could stay in medical school if they lost Jennifer’s income. At dawn, after only a couple of hours of restless sleep, he’d called the hospital and had a note left for his intern saying he wouldn’t be in that day. One way or the other, Adam knew he had to come up with a solution.

Adam stared out the window at the tranquil New Jersey countryside. The captain announced that they were passing over the Delaware River and Adam estimated it was another twenty minutes to Washington. That would put him in the city at eight-thirty; he could be at his father’s office at the Food and Drug Administration around nine.

Adam was not looking forward to the meeting, especially under the present conditions. He hadn’t seen his father since the middle of his first year in medical school, and it had been a traumatic encounter. At that time Adam had informed the old man that he was definitely marrying Jennifer.

Adam was still trying to decide how to open the conversation as he walked through the revolving door of his father’s building. As a child, Adam had not visited his father’s office often, but had gone enough times to leave him with a feeling of distaste. His father had always acted as if the boy were an embarrassment.

Adam had been the middle child, sandwiched between an overachieving older brother, David, and a younger sister, Ellen, the darling of the family. David had been the outgoing child and had decided as a youngster to become a doctor like his father. Adam had never been able to make up his mind what he wanted to be. For a long time he thought he wanted to be a farmer.

Adam got on the elevator and pushed the button for the eighth floor. He could remember going up in the elevator with David when David was in medical school. David was ten years older than Adam and, as far as Adam was concerned, seemed more like an adult than a brother. Adam used to be left in his father’s waiting room while David was taken to meet doctor colleagues.

Adam got off at the eighth floor and turned to the right. As the offices became larger and more attractive, the secretaries got plainer. Adam could remember that it was David who had pointed that out to him.

Hesitating before the executive offices, Adam wondered what his relationship with his father would be like if David hadn’t died in Vietnam. Not too many doctors had been killed over there, but David had managed it. He’d always been one to volunteer for anything. It had been the last year of the war and Adam had been fifteen at the time.

The event had crippled the family. Adam’s mother had gone into a terrible depression that required shock therapy. She still wasn’t her old self. Adam’s father hadn’t weathered the news much better. After several months of his withdrawn silence, Adam had gone to him and told him that he’d decided to become a doctor. Instead of being pleased, his father had cried and turned away.

Adam paused in front of his father’s office, then screwing up his courage, walked up to Mrs. Margaret Weintrob’s desk. She was an enormous woman who swamped her swivel chair. Her dress was a tentlike affair made from a flower-print cotton. Her upper arms had enormous rolls of fat, making her sizable forearms appear slender by comparison.

But, aside from her weight, she was exceptionally well groomed. She smiled when she saw Adam and, without getting up, extended a hand in greeting.

Adam shook the slightly damp hand and returned the smile. They had always gotten along fine. She’d been Adam’s father’s secretary as far back as Adam could remember, and she’d always been sensitive to Adam’s shyness.

“Where have you been?” she asked, pretending to be angry. “It’s been ages since you’ve visited.”

“Medical school doesn’t allow for too much free time,” said Adam. His father kept few secrets from Margaret, and Adam was sure she knew why he hadn’t been around.

“As usual, your father’s on the phone. He’ll be off in a minute. Can I get you some coffee or tea?”

Adam shook his head no, and hung his coat on a brass coatrack. He sat down on a vinyl bleacher. He remembered that his father did not like to give the impression that the government was wasting the public’s money on such frills as comfortable seating. In fact, the whole outer office had a utilitarian look. For Dr. Schonberg Senior it was a matter of principle. For the same reason, he refused the car and driver that came with his office.

Adam sat trying to marshal his arguments, but he wasn’t very sanguine. When he had called early that morning to arrange the meeting, his father had been gruff, as if he knew that Adam was going to ask for money.

There was a buzz. Margaret smiled. “Your father’s waiting for you.”

As Adam grimly rose to his feet, she reached out and placed a hand on his forearm.

“He’s still suffering from David’s death,” she said. “Try to understand. He does love you.”

“David died nine years ago,” said Adam.

Margaret nodded and patted Adam’s arm. “I just wanted you to know what’s going on in his mind.”

Adam opened the door and went into his father’s office. It was a large square room with tall windows that looked out onto a pleasant inner garden. The other walls were covered with bookcases and in the middle of the room was a large oak desk. Two good-sized library tables were spaced perpendicularly on either side of it, creating a spacious U-shaped work area. In its center sat Adam’s father.

Adam resembled his father closely enough for people to guess their relationship. Dr. Schonberg, too, had thick curly hair, though his was graying at the temples. The greatest difference between the two men was size, the father being more than five inches shorter than his son.

As Adam came in and shut the door, Dr. Schonberg had a pen in his hand. Carefully he put it in its holder.

“Hello,” said Adam. He noted that his father had aged since he’d last seen him. There were lots of new creases across his forehead.

Dr. Schonberg acknowledged Adam’s greeting by nodding his head. He did not stand up.

Adam advanced to the desk, looking down into his father’s heavily shadowed eyes. Adam didn’t see any softening there.

“And to what do we owe this unexpected visit?” asked Dr. Schonberg.

“How is mother?” asked Adam, sensing that his fears had been correct. The meeting was already going poorly.

“Nice of you to ask. Actually, she’s not too good. She had to have shock treatment again. But I don’t want to trouble you with that news. Especially considering the fact that your marrying that girl had a lot to do with her condition.”

“That girl’s name is Jennifer. I would hope after a year and a half you could remember her name. Mother’s condition started with David’s death, not my marrying Jennifer.”

“She was just recovering when you shocked her by marrying that girl.”

“Jennifer!” corrected Adam. “And that was seven years after David’s death.”

“Seven years, ten years, what does it matter? You knew what marrying out of your religion would do to your mother. But did you care? And what about me? I told you not to marry so early in your medical career. But you’ve never had consideration for the family. It’s always been what you wanted. Well, you got what you wanted.”

Adam stared at his father. He didn’t have the energy to argue in the face of such irrationality. He’d tried that on their last meeting one and a half years ago with no result whatsoever.

“Don’t you care what is happening to me, how medical school is going?” asked Adam, almost pleading.

“Under the circumstances, no,” said Dr. Schonberg.

“Well, then I made a mistake coming,” said Adam. “We’re in a financial bind and I thought that enough time had passed to make it possible for me to talk to you about it.”

“So now he wants to talk finances!” said Dr. Schonberg, throwing up his hands. He glared at his son, his heavy-lidded eyes narrowed. “I warned you that if you willfully went ahead with the marriage to that girl I was going to cut you off. Did you think I was joking? Did you think I meant for a couple of years only?”

“Are there no circumstances that might make you reconsider your position?” asked Adam quietly. He knew the answer before he asked and decided not even to bother telling his father that Jennifer was pregnant.

“Adam, you’re going to have to learn to take responsibility for your decisions. If you decide something, you have to stick to it. There is no latitude for shortcuts or compromises in medicine. Do you hear me?”

Adam started for the door. “Thanks for the lecture, Dad. It will come in handy.”

Dr. Schonberg came around from behind his desk. “You’ve always been a smart aleck, Adam. But taking responsibility for your decisions is one lesson you have to learn. It’s the way I run this department for the FDA.”

Adam nodded and opened the door. Margaret backed up clumsily, not even bothering to pretend that she hadn’t been listening. Adam went for his coat.

Dr. Schonberg followed his son into the waiting room. “And I run my personal life the same way. So did my father before me. And so should you.”

“I’ll keep it in mind, Dad. Say hello to Mom. Thanks for everything.”

Adam turned down the corridor and walked to the elevator. After pushing the button, he looked back. In the distance Margaret was waving. Adam waved back. He never should have come. There was no way he was going to get money out of his father.

It wasn’t raining when Jennifer stepped from their apartment building, but the skies looked threatening. In many ways she thought that March was the worst month in New York. Even though spring was officially about to begin, winter still held the city firmly in its grip.

Pulling her coat tighter around her body, she set off toward Seventh Avenue. Under the coat she was dressed for rehearsal in an old leotard, tights, leg-warmers, and an ancient gray sweater with the sleeves cut off. In truth, Jennifer didn’t know if she would be dancing, since she was planning on telling Jason that she was pregnant. She hoped he would allow her to continue with the troupe for a couple of months. She and Adam needed the money so badly, and the thought of Adam dropping out of medical school terrified her. If only he weren’t so stubborn about accepting help from her parents.

At Seventh Avenue Jennifer turned south, fighting the rush-hour crowds. Stopping at a light, she wondered what kind of reception Adam was getting from his father. When she’d gotten up that morning she’d found the note saying he was off to Washington. If only the old bastard would help, thought Jennifer, it would solve everything. In fact, if Dr. Schonberg offered support, Adam would probably be willing to accept help from her parents.

She crossed Seventh Avenue and headed into Greenwich Village proper. A few minutes later she turned into the entrance of the Cézanne Café, descended the three steps in a single bound, and pushed through the etched-glass door. Inside, the air was heavy with Gauloise cigarette smoke and the smell of coffee. As usual, the place was jammed.

On her toes, Jennifer tried to scan the crowd for a familiar face. Halfway down the narrow room she saw a figure waving at her. It was Candy Harley, who used to be one of the Jason Conrad dancers but who now did administrative work. Next to her was Cheryl Tedesco, the company secretary, looking paler than usual in a white jumpsuit. It was customary for the three of them to have coffee together before rehearsal.

Jennifer worked her way out of her coat, rolling it up in a large ball and depositing it on the floor next to the wall. On top she plopped her limp cloth bag. By the time she sat down, Peter, the Austrian waiter, was at the table, asking if she wanted the usual. She did. Cappuccino and croissant with butter and honey.

After she’d sat down, Candy leaned forward and said, “We have good news and bad news. What do you want to hear first?”

Jennifer looked back and forth between the two women. She wasn’t in the mood for joking, but Cheryl was staring into her espresso cup as if she’d lost her best friend. Jennifer knew her as a rather melancholy twenty-year-old with a weight problem which seemed of late to be getting worse. She had pixieish features with a small upturned nose and large eyes. Her disheveled hair was a dirty blond. In contrast, Candy was strikingly immaculate in her appearance, her blond hair twisted neatly into a French braid.

“Maybe you’d better tell me the good news first,” said Jennifer uneasily.

“We’ve been offered a CBS special,” said Candy. “The Jason Conrad Dancers are going big time.”

Jennifer tried to act excited, although she realized she’d probably be too far along in her pregnancy for television. “That’s terrific!” she forced herself to say with enthusiasm. “When is it scheduled for?”

“We’re not sure of the exact date, but we’re supposed to tape the show in a few months.”

“So, what’s the bad news?” asked Jennifer, eager to change the subject.

“The bad news is that Cheryl is four months pregnant and she has to have an abortion tomorrow,” Candy stated in a rush.

Jennifer turned to Cheryl. “I’m sorry,” she said awkwardly. “I didn’t even know you were pregnant.”

“No one did,” added Candy. “Cheryl kept it a secret till she heard that I’d had an abortion. Then she confided in me, and it was a good thing she did. I sent her to my doctor, who suggested amniocentesis because Cheryl said she’d been doing drugs right through her second month. She hadn’t realized she was pregnant.”

“What did the test show?” asked Jennifer.

“That the baby is deformed. There’s something wrong with its genes. That’s what they look for when they do an amniocentesis.”

Jennifer turned back to Cheryl, who was still staring into her expresso, trying not to cry.

“What does the father think?” asked Jennifer and then was sorry, for Cheryl put her hands over her face and began to sob bitterly. Candy put her arm about Cheryl as Jennifer glanced around at the nearby tables. No one was paying attention. Only in New York could you have such privacy in a public place. Cheryl took a tissue from her purse and blew her nose loudly.

“The father’s name is Paul,” she said sadly.

“How does he feel about your having an abortion?” asked Jennifer.

Cheryl wiped her eyes, examining a dark smudge of mascara on the tissue. “I don’t know. He took off and left me.”

“Well,” said Candy, “that gives us a pretty good idea about how he feels. The bastard. I wish men could take on the burden of being pregnant, say every other year. I think they might be a little more responsible if that were the case.”

Cheryl wiped her eyes again, and Jennifer suddenly realized how terribly young and vulnerable the girl was. It made the problem posed by her own pregnancy seem small in comparison.

“I’m so scared,” Cheryl was saying. “I haven’t told anyone because if my father finds out, he’ll kill me.”

“Well, I hope you’re not going to the hospital by yourself,” said Jennifer with alarm.

“It won’t be so bad,” said Candy with some assurance. “I’d been worried before my abortion, but it went smoothly. The people at the Julian Clinic are outstandingly warm and sensitive. Besides, Cheryl will have the world’s best gynecologist.”

“What’s his name?” asked Jennifer, thinking that she could not say the same about Dr. Vandermer.

“Lawrence Foley,” said Candy. “I’d been turned on to him by another girl who had to have an abortion.”

“It seems like he’s doing a lot of abortions,” said Jennifer.

Candy nodded. “It’s a big city.”

Jennifer sipped her cappuccino, wondering how to tell her friends that she herself had just found out she was pregnant. She postponed the moment by turning back to Cheryl and saying, “Perhaps you’d like it if I went with you tomorrow. Seems to me you could use some company.”

“I’d love that,” said Cheryl, her face brightening.

“Not so fast, Mrs. Schonberg,” said Candy. “We have rehearsal.”

Jennifer raised her eyebrows and smiled. “Well, I have some news myself. I found out yesterday that I’m two and a half months pregnant myself.”

“Oh, no!” exclaimed Candy.

“Oh, yes!” said Jennifer. “And when I tell Jason, he may not care whether I come to rehearsal or not.”

Candy and Cheryl were too stunned to speak. In silence, the three finished their coffee, paid the bill, and set off for the studio.

Jason was not there when they arrived, and Jennifer felt relieved and disappointed at the same time. She removed her outer clothes and found a free area on the dance floor. Turning sideways, she lifted her sweatshirt so that she could see her profile. She had to admit that she already showed a little.

Adam washed his hands in the men’s room on the first floor of the hospital complex. Catching a glimpse of his haggard face in the mirror, he realized he looked exhausted. Well, maybe it would make the dean more sympathetic. After his disastrous meeting with his father, Adam had decided his only recourse was an additional student loan from the medical center. Straightening his frayed button-down collar, he thought he certainly looked poor and deserving, and that he should go directly to the dean’s office before he lost his courage.

Bursting into the secretary’s office to demand an appointment, Adam was almost dismayed when the woman said she thought the dean had a few moments between appointments. She went in to check. When she returned, she said Adam could go right in.

Dr. Markowitz stood as Adam crossed his office threshold. He was a short, stocky man with dark curly hair not unlike Adam’s. He had a deep tan, even though it was just March. He approached Adam with his hand outstretched. When they shook hands, his other hand grasped the back of Adam’s.

“Please, sit down.” The dean gestured to a black academic chair in front of his desk.

From his chair Adam could see a manila folder with his name on the tab. Adam had met the dean only a few times, but each time Dr. Markowitz had acted as if he were intimately aware of Adam’s situation. He had obviously pulled the file in the minute or two Adam had been kept waiting.

Adam cleared his throat. “Dr. Markowitz, I’m sorry to take your time, but I’ve got a problem.”

“You’ve come to the right place,” said Dr. Markowitz, although his smile relaxed an appreciable amount. Adam recognized that the dean was more politician than doctor. He had an unhappy feeling that this meeting would be no better than the one with his father. He crossed his legs and gripped his ankle to keep his hands from shaking.

“I just found out my wife is pregnant,” he began, watching Dr. Markowitz’s face for signs of disapproval. They weren’t subtle. First, the dean’s smile vanished. Then his eyes narrowed as he folded his arms guardedly across his chest.

“Needless to say,” continued Adam, trying to keep up his courage, “this is going to put us in a financial bind. My wife and I depend on her income, and now with a child on the way…” Adam’s voice trailed off. You didn’t need to be a fortune-teller to know the rest.

“Well,” said Dr. Markowitz with a forced laugh, “I’m an internist, not an obstetrician. Never was very good at delivering babies.”

Some sense of humor, thought Adam.

“My wife sees Dr. Vandermer,” said Adam.

“He’s the best,” offered Dr. Markowitz. “Can’t get better obstetrical care than Dr. Vandermer. He delivered our two children.”

There was an awkward pause. Adam became aware of the ticking of an antique Howard clock hanging on the wall to his left. Dr. Markowitz leaned forward and opened the folder on his desk. He read for a moment, then looked up.

“Adam, have you considered that this might not be a good time to start your family?”

“It was an accident,” said Adam, wanting to avoid a lecture if that was what the dean had intended. “A birth control failure. A statistic. But now that it has happened, we have to deal with it. We need additional financial support or I have to drop out of school for a year or so. It’s as simple as that.”

“Have you thought about terminating this pregnancy?” asked Dr. Markowitz.

“We’ve thought about it, but neither one of us is willing to do so.”

“What about family support?” questioned Dr. Markowitz. “I don’t think that dropping out of school is a wise move. You have a lot invested in getting to where you are today. I’d hate to see that put in jeopardy.”

“There’s no chance of family support,” said Adam. He didn’t want to get into a conversation about his father’s intransigence or his in-laws’ interference. “My only hope is to borrow more money from the school. If not, I’ll have to take a leave of absence.”

“Unfortunately, you are already borrowing the maximum allowed,” said Dr. Markowitz. “We have limited resources in regard to student loans. We have to spread around what we have so everyone who needs support has access to it. I’m sorry.”

Adam stood up. “Well, I appreciate your time.”

Dr. Markowitz got to his feet. His smile reappeared. “I wish I could be more help. I hate to see you leave us. You have an excellent record up until now. Maybe you should reconsider the advisability of allowing the pregnancy to go to term.”

“We’re going to have the child,” said Adam. “In fact, now that the shock of it all is over, I’m looking forward to it.”

“When would you start your leave?” asked Dr. Markowitz.

“I’m finishing Internal Medicine in a few days,” said Adam. “As soon as it is over, I’ll look for a job.”

“I suppose if you’re going to take a leave, it is as good a time as any. What do you plan to do?”

Adam shrugged. “I hadn’t made any specific plans.”

“I might be able to get you a research position here at the medical center.”

“I appreciate the offer,” said Adam, “but research doesn’t pay the kind of money I’m going to need. I’ve got to get a job with a decent salary. I was thinking more about trying one of the big drug firms out in New Jersey. Arolen gave our class all those leather doctor bags. Maybe I’ll give them a try.”

Dr. Markowitz flinched as if he’d been struck. “That’s where the money is,” he said, sighing. “But I must say I feel as if you were deserting to the enemy. The pharmaceutical industry has been exerting more and more control over medical research recently, and I for one am legitimately concerned.”

“I’m not wild about the idea,” admitted Adam. “But they are the only people who might be seriously interested in a third-year medical student. If it doesn’t work out, maybe I’ll be back for that research position.”

Dr. Markowitz opened the door. “I’m sorry we don’t have more resources for financial aid. Best of luck, and let me know as soon as you can when you plan to get back to school.”

Adam left, determined to call Arolen that afternoon. He would worry about pharmaceutical pressure on research once he had cashed his first paycheck.

“You’re what!” shouted Jason Conrad, the head of the Jason Conrad Dancers. He threw up his hands in exaggerated despair.

For the four years that Jennifer had known him, Jason had always tended toward histrionics, whether he was ordering lunch or directing the dancers. Consequently, she had anticipated such a reaction.

“Now, let me get this straight,” he moaned. “You’re telling me that you’re going to have a child. Is that right? No, tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that this is just a bad dream. Please!”

Jason looked at Jennifer with a pleading expression. He was a tall man-six feet three-who looked boyish despite his thirty-three years. Whether he was gay or not, Jennifer had no idea. Neither did any of the other dancers. Dance was Jason’s life, and he was a genius at it.

“I’m going to have a baby,” confirmed Jennifer.

“Oh, my God!” cried Jason, letting his head sink into his hands.

Jennifer exchanged glances with Candy, who had hung around for moral support.

“This is not happening to me,” wailed Jason. “At the moment of our big break, one of the lead dancers gets herself pregnant. Oh, my God!”

Jason stopped pacing. Holding up his index finger, he looked at Jennifer. “What about an abortion? Surely this isn’t a planned child.”

“I’m sorry,” said Jennifer.

“But you can always have another child,” protested Jason.

Jennifer just shook her head.

“You won’t listen to reason?” wailed Jason. He pressed a hand dramatically against his chest and began to take deep breaths as if he were experiencing severe chest pain. “You prefer to torture me like this, straining my heart. Oh God, the pain is awful.”

Jennifer felt guilty about getting pregnant just when the troupe was receiving its big break. She hated to let anyone down. But Jason’s response was a selfish one, and she resented his trying to manipulate her this way into something as serious as an abortion.

Candy took Jason’s arm. “I hope you’re kidding about this chest pain.”

Jason opened one eye. “Me kidding? I never kid about something like this. This woman’s driving me to an early grave and you ask if I’m kidding?”

“I can probably dance for another month or so,” offered Jennifer.

“Oh, no, no, no!” said Jason, instantly forgetting his chest pain. He began pacing back and forth in front of the old ticket booth. “If you, Jennifer, are insensitive enough to abandon us at this juncture, we have to make an adjustment immediately.” He stopped and pointed to Candy. “What about you? Could you dance Jennifer’s part?”

Candy was caught off guard. “I don’t know,” she stammered.

Jason watched Jennifer out of the corner of his eye. He knew that Jennifer and Candy were friends. He thought that jealousy might accomplish what reason couldn’t. He needed Jennifer at least until the TV show was taped, but Jennifer did not respond. She remained silent as Candy finally replied, “I guess I’m in good shape. I’ll certainly try and give it my best.”

“Hooray,” said Jason. “It’s good to hear that someone around here is willing to make some sacrifices.” Then to Jennifer he said, “Maybe you should head into the office and have Cheryl take you off the payroll. We aren’t a welfare organization.”

Candy spoke up. “She should get her base salary for another two weeks. That’s only fair.”

Jason waved his hand as if he didn’t care. He started back for the gym floor.

“Also,” called Candy after him, “I think it would be easier for our accounting if we put her on maternity leave.”

“Whatever,” said Jason with little interest. He opened the door into the gym. They could hear the other dancers going through their routines. “Let’s get to work, Candy,” he called over his shoulder as he disappeared through the door.

The two women looked at each other. Both felt a little awkward. Candy shrugged. “I never guessed that he’d offer me a dance position.”

“I’m happy for you,” said Jennifer. “Really.”

Together, they returned to the gym.

Jason’s high-pitched voice reverberated around the large room. “OK, let’s take dance variation number two from the top. Positions!” He clapped his hands and the echo sounded like the report of a gun. “Come on, Candy,” he yelled.

For a few minutes Jennifer watched the rehearsal. Then, trying to shake off her feelings of regret, she headed down the hall to Cheryl’s office.

Cheryl was leaning back, reading a paperback romance novel.

“You’re supposed to put me on maternity leave,” said Jennifer with resignation.

“I’m sorry,” said Cheryl. “Did Jason throw a fit?” She put her book down. Jennifer could see the title: The Flames of Passion.

“One of his best,” admitted Jennifer. “But I suppose it’s understandable. This is a bad time for me to take a leave.” She sank into the chair in front of the desk. “Jason agreed to let me draw base pay for another two weeks. Of course, I still get my percentages from past performances.”

“What are you going to do?” asked Cheryl.

“I don’t know,” said Jennifer. “Maybe I can get a temporary job. Do you have any ideas? How did you find this position?”

“I went to an agency,” said Cheryl. “But if you’re looking for part-time work, try one of the temporary secretarial services. They always need people.”

“I couldn’t type to save my life,” said Jennifer.

“Then try one of the big department stores. A lot of my girlfriends have done that.”

Jennifer smiled. That sounded promising.

“Are you still going to come with me tomorrow?” asked Cheryl.

“Absolutely,” said Jennifer. “I wouldn’t think of letting you go by yourself. Were you alone when you had the amniocentesis?”

“Yup,” said Cheryl proudly. “It was a breeze. Hardly hurt at all.”

“Sounds like you have more courage than I,” said Jennifer. Jennifer thought again about her mongoloid brother and wondered if she should ask to have the test.

Cheryl leaned forward, lowering her voice. “Like Candy said, I used to do a lot of drugs. Pot, acid, you name it. Dr. Foley said that I should have the test to check the chromosomes. But he made it easy. If you have to have it, don’t worry. I was really nervous, but I’d do it again in a flash.” She sat back, pleased with herself.

Jennifer stared at Cheryl, remembering Dr. Vandermer and his chauvinistic attitude. “And this Dr. Foley, you like him?”

Cheryl nodded her head. “Dr. Foley is the nicest doctor I’ve ever met. If it hadn’t been for him, I wouldn’t have done anything. And his nurses are nice, too. In fact, the whole Julian Clinic is just great. I’m sure Candy would call and make an appointment for you if you’d like.”

Jennifer smiled. “Thanks, but my husband sent me to someone at the medical center. Now, to get back to business. What do I have to do to put myself on maternity leave?”

Cheryl wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know, to tell you the truth. I’ll have to ask Candy.”

After making plans to meet Cheryl the following morning, Jennifer got her coat and bag and went out into the street. Walking to the subway, she struggled against an almost overwhelming depression. She had always expected pregnancy to be a wonderful experience, but now that she was bearing a child, instead of feeling happy, she was confused and angry. And worst of all she knew that she wasn’t going to be able to share such feelings with anyone because she was certain no one would understand.

Biting her lower lip, Jennifer decided to try Macy’s first.

It was nearly six o’clock when Jennifer trudged up the stairs to their apartment. When she opened the door, she was surprised to find Adam on the couch. He usually wasn’t home this early. Then she realized he must have taken the rest of the day off after seeing his father.

“How did the meeting go?” she asked, making an effort to be pleasant. “Was your father helpful?”

“He was a delight,” snapped Adam. “He gave me a valuable lecture about responsibility and consistency.”

Jennifer hung up her coat and went over and sat next to Adam. His eyes were red with dark circles. “Was it that bad?”

“Worse,” said Adam. “Now he believes I’m the cause of my mother’s depression.”

“But her depression started with your brother’s death.”

“He seems to have forgotten that.”

“What did he say when you told him that we are going to have a child?”

“I didn’t,” said Adam. “I never had a chance. He made it very clear that I was on my own before I could even broach the subject.”

“I’m sorry,” said Jennifer.

Jennifer examined Adam’s face. She didn’t like what she saw. He seemed distant and cold. She wanted to ask him about Dr. Lawrence Foley but decided to put it off. “I think I’ll take a shower,” she said with a sigh as she stood up and walked into the bedroom.

At first, Adam sat and brooded. Gradually, he realized that he was acting like an adolescent. Getting up, he went into the bedroom and stripped off his clothes. Then he opened the door to the bathroom. “Leave the water on,” he shouted over the sound of the shower. While he was brushing his teeth, Jennifer got out of the shower and, without looking at him, took her towel and went into the bedroom. Although she left the water going as he requested, it was obvious that she was irritated.

Adam had always found it difficult to apologize. Maybe they should do something crazy, like go out to dinner. Stepping into the shower, he decided to take Jennifer to a restaurant called One by Land, Two by Sea. It was close enough so they could walk. They’d never eaten there, but one of Adam’s classmates had gone with his parents and had said it was fantastic and expensive. What the hell, thought Adam. He was going to have a real job soon and they needed to celebrate.

“Got a great idea,” said Adam when he came into the bedroom. “How about going out for dinner?”

Jennifer looked away from the TV and gloomily shook her head.

“What do you mean, no?” said Adam. “Come on. We need to get out. It will be a real treat.”

“We can’t afford it,” said Jennifer. She returned to the TV as if the matter were closed.

Adam towel-dried his hair while he considered this unexpected negative response. Jennifer was usually ready to try most anything. He sat down next to her and turned her head from the screen. “Hello,” he said. “I’m trying to talk with you.”

Jennifer raised her face, and he noticed that she looked as exhausted as he did.

“I hear you,” she said. “I bought groceries. As soon as the news is over, I’ll make dinner.”

“Tonight I want something different than Hamburger Helper,” said Adam.

“I didn’t get Hamburger Helper,” said Jennifer irritably.

“I meant that as a figure of speech,” said Adam. “Come on. Let’s go out for dinner. I think we need a break. I went to see the dean this afternoon and made sure we can’t borrow any more money. So I told him I’m taking a leave of absence.”

“You don’t have to leave school,” said Jennifer. “I already got another job.”

“What kind of job?” asked Adam.

“At Macy’s. In the shoe section. The only problem is that I will have to work alternate weekends, but hopefully we can coordinate that with your on-call schedule. Surprisingly, I’ll be making the same salary as I did dancing. Anyway, you don’t have to drop out of school.”

Adam stood up from the bed. “You’re not working at Macy’s and that’s final.”

“Oh,” said Jennifer, widening her eyes in mock surprise. “Has the king spoken?”

“Jennifer, this is hardly the time for sarcasm.”

“Isn’t it?” said Jennifer. “Seems to me you were being sarcastic just a few moments ago. It’s OK for you but not for me?”

“I’m in no mood for an argument,” said Adam, as he went to the bureau for clean underwear. “You are not going to work at Macy’s. I don’t want you standing for long hours while you’re pregnant. Subject’s closed.”

“You are forgetting that this is my body,” said Jennifer.

“That’s true,” said Adam. “But it is also true that it is our child.”

Jennifer felt the blood rise into her face.

“In any case, I’ve made up my mind,” said Adam. “I’m taking a leave of absence so that I can work for a year or two. Your job will be to take care of yourself and the baby, and that doesn’t mean standing around in a department store.” Hoping to end the dialogue, Adam stepped into the living room. Because of the small size of the bedroom closet, his clothes were in the hall closet.

“Why can’t you stay here and discuss this?” Jennifer called out.

Adam came back into the bedroom. “There’s nothing more to discuss.”

“Oh yes there is,” said Jennifer, giving vent to her anger. “I have as much to say about all this as you do. No one agrees with you about leaving medical school and the reason is simple: you shouldn’t. I’m perfectly capable of working right up until the last month, even the last week. Why do both of us have to interrupt our careers? Since I obviously can’t continue dancing, it’s only sensible that I get the new job. Your staying in school will be best for all of us in the long run. Besides, I already have a position and you don’t have any idea of what you could do.”

“Oh yes I have,” snapped Adam. “I’m going to Arolen Pharmaceuticals in New Jersey. I called this afternoon and they are eager to see me. I have an interview tomorrow.”

“Why are you being so bullheaded about this?” said Jennifer. “You don’t have to leave school. I can work.”

“If you call bullheadedness my desire to keep you healthy and keep your parents from interfering in our life, then, yes, I’m bullheaded. One way or the other, the issue is closed, the discussion is over. I’m leaving school and you are not working at Macy’s. Any questions?” Adam knew he was taunting Jennifer, but he felt she deserved it.

“I’ve got plenty of questions,” said Jennifer. “But I realize that it is useless to ask them. I wonder if you realize how much like your father you are.”

“Just shut up about my father,” shouted Adam. “If anybody around here is going to criticize my father, I’ll do it. Besides, I’m not like my father in the slightest.”

He kicked the bedroom door shut with a bang. For a moment he stood in the middle of the living room, wondering what he could break. Then, instead of doing something stupid, he finished dressing and drying his hair. Calmer, he decided to try and make peace with Jennifer. He started to open the bedroom door and was shocked to find it locked.

“Jennifer,” he called over the sound of the TV. “I’m going to go out and get something to eat. I’d like you to go with me.”

“You go ahead,” called Jennifer. “I want to stay by myself for a while.”

Adam could tell that she’d been crying and he felt guilty.

“Jennifer, open the door,” he begged. The TV played on. “Jennifer, open the door.”

Still no answer. Adam felt his anger return in a rush. Stepping back, he eyed the door. For a second it seemed symbolic of all his problems. Without thinking, he raised his right foot and kicked with all his strength. The wood around the latch gave, and the door flew open, crashing against the bedroom wall. Jennifer drew herself up in a tight ball against the headboard.

Adam could tell that she was terrified, and he immediately felt stupid. “They don’t make doors the way they used to,” he said lamely and tried to laugh. Jennifer didn’t say anything. Adam pulled the door away from the wall. Where the doorknob had struck, there was a hole in the plaster.

“Well, that was stupid,” he said, trying to sound cheerful. “Anyway, as I was saying. Let’s go out and get something to eat.”

Jennifer shook her head no.

Adam looked around self-consciously, embarrassed by his tantrum. “OK,” he said meekly. “I’ll be back later.”

Jennifer nodded but didn’t speak. She watched Adam leave and heard the door to the hall close and lock. What was happening to them, she wondered. Adam seemed like a different person. He’d never been violent, and violence terrified her. Was this pregnancy going to change everything?