MirrorWorld

44.

The door behind me opens. I spin to greet whoever it is, saying, “We have to—”

It’s Winters. Her face and hopeful blue eyes act as a catalyst. I grip my head, suddenly at the mercy of a raging migraine. Images flow past my eyes. Smells. Sounds. An entire sensory barrage of what once was. I feel Winters’s embrace. Her comforting words. Feel the closeness of her friendship. Her support. And then something deeper. Something forbidden and guilt frosted.

I loved her. Briefly.

But I was going to put a stop to it. In the wake of Maya’s collapse—and Simon’s death—I was weak. And lonely.

“What’s on your mind this morning?”

I look up at Winters, confused for a moment before getting lost in the memory. She’s dressed in a loose-fitting silk negligee. Her hair is messy. No makeup in sight. She’s gorgeous, standing in front of the bathroom sink in my Neuro apartment.

I can’t do this anymore.

As I lay in bed that morning, watching her sleep, I came to a conclusion. Our relationship, no matter how good it feels or how much comfort it provides, is wrong. I’m still married, and, despite what Maya did and the anguish I feel about Simon’s death, it wasn’t Maya’s fault.

She didn’t murder our son.

The Dread did.

When she recovers, I need to be there, till death do us part.

Death do us part.

But I’m not ready to break things off with Winters now. Not standing half-naked in my bathroom. Not immediately following last night. She deserves better than that. “Just distracted.”

She brushes her teeth, speaking between strokes. “About what?”

I wave off the question. I need to speak to Lyons. It’s about something important. Something critical.

But… I can’t remember what.

She spits in the sink, rinses, and places the pink toothbrush in the wall-mounted holder.

I gasp out of the memory, returning to the medical room. Winters has a steadying hand on my arm.

“It was your toothbrush,” I say.

“What?” She guides me to a chair. Sits me down. “Are you okay?”

The headache is gone, but memories are surfacing one by one. Most are insignificant, days and events lost in time, things I wouldn’t have remembered even before losing my memory. The cascade of history is like background noise. Voices, whispers really, of days gone by. Riding my childhood bike. Military training. Endless school days, each nearly identical to the previous. I can ignore these memories, but the more recent and powerful ones return with painful urgency.

“I don’t remember everything,” I tell her. “Bits and pieces. But… I do remember us. Parts, anyway.”

She crouches in front of me. Takes my hands. “What do you remember?”

“I’m not sure you’ll want to know.”

She offers a sad smile. “I’m good at reading people. It’s part of my job. I could see it in your eyes that morning. Also, it’s been a year. So, let’s hear it.”

“I’m still married,” I tell her, voicing Josef’s old conclusion and Crazy’s newly formed opinion. “And I was then. It shouldn’t have happened.”

She nods, either in understanding or acceptance.

I place a hand on her cheek, and she leans into it. “I’m sorry,” I tell her. Then my body goes rigid as a fresh cascade of memories is unleashed.

She pulls my hand from her face. “Did you remember something?”

“A lot. But nothing important.” I rub my head, feeling a fresh headache brewing. “I didn’t… break things off before. Why not?”

She stands, returning to her usual professional demeanor. “That was the day you decided to forget. About me. About Maya. Your son. And everything else that mattered to you.”

She’s growing angry. Borderline pissed. These are the emotions that fueled her earlier attempt to physically subdue me. Given what I now remember about her, I’m glad she wasn’t seriously injured during that failed effort.

“That doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t sound like me,” I say, but I’m still not positive. Out of a lifetime of memories, I think I’ve recovered maybe thirty percent, most of that being from childhood.

“How is he?” It’s Allenby, in the doorway. Her hair is loose and billowing. The sight punts pain into the side of my head and sends me back.

“What the hell did you two do?” Allenby’s voice is loud in the phone. I pull the device away from my ear.

“What are you talking about?” I ask. “What happened?”

“They got Hugh!” she shouts.

“Who got him?” I ask, but I already know the answer. There’s only one they she’d associate with me. The Dread. “Are you safe?”

“Don’t worry about me, you—”

The office door—my office door—bursts open. It’s Lyons. His cheeks are flush.

I point to the phone, “It’s Kelly, she’s—”

“I know,” he says, moving past me to my computer. I can hear my aunt shouting but can’t make out the words. Lyons steps away from the computer, revealing the screen and a single photo. The phone lowers away from my ear. I have a thousand questions but am too stunned to ask all but one. “When?”

“Ten minutes ago,” he says.

I stare at the photo depicting my parents, both dead. My father lies on a concrete walkway, a pool of blood around his supine body. I recognize the hotel in the background. They were on vacation. I helped pick the spot. In the background is a second body, soaked and surrounded by a puddle of water.

“They’re targeting our family.” He says it calmly, like the danger has passed for the rest of us.

He doesn’t know. He thinks they’re still here.

Lyons must see the shift in my face. He asks, “What is it?”

I stand. “Maya and Simon went back to the house. Simon wanted one last night in his room.”

“But…” He looks bewildered. Panicked. “They were supposed to be here. I told them to stay here!”

I can hear the distant voice of Allenby on the phone. She’s heard and is shouting at me to go. “Get Simon, Josef! Get them both!”

I’m on my knees, gripping my head.

“What happened?” Allenby’s voice is clear now. Present.

“A memory,” I say. “A hard one.” I’m glad I don’t yet remember what happened next. My stomach clenches with the knowledge that it, too, will soon be unleashed. The memories I’ve regained are already enough to spur me into action. I remember my son. The depth of my love for him and the pain of his loss. I know what the Dread took from me. From my family. And, like Allenby hoped, it is enough to make me face my newfound fears.

No, I think, I don’t want to face them. I want to obliterate them.

The unanswered question is, Why did I run from them in the past?

Knowing that the answer will eventually be freed by changing scar tissue, I decide to waste no time or energy trying to uncover it. Given the look in Allenby’s eyes, I think time is something I don’t have.

Allenby gets her hands under my arms and lifts. I stand with her. “We need to go.”

I understand her urgency. Maya’s kidnapping now weighs heavily on me. The idea of losing her, for good, and in such a horrible way, after betraying her trust all those years ago, is unacceptable. But where there was urgency before, there now seems to be a ticking clock. “What’s changed?”

Allenby heads for the door. I follow, shakily at first, but then steadied by Winters’s hand on my back.

“They’re on their way here,” Allenby says, looking over her shoulder.

“Who is?”

“Dread Squad.”

I’m about to say that’s a good thing when I realize the implications of her fear. They’re not on their way to help; they’re coming to stop us.

“I spoke to Lyons,” Allenby says. “He sounded… different. Angry.”

“He thinks they killed Maya?” I ask.

She nods. “But I think it’s more than that. He seemed more upset about the attack. Compared it to Pearl Harbor. Said the Dread had awakened a sleeping giant.”

“He’s been comparing the Dread to World War Two Japan,” I say. “Sees this as the first wave of an invasion.”

“His war has finally begun,” Winters says. “I knew he was preparing for the worst, but I didn’t know he was actually ready to strike. While I’m sure he has support from people above my pay grade, this is war, and I doubt he has the president’s stamp of approval. This was all supposed to be a process. Build evidence. A game plan. Present it all to the president and let him decide.”

“I think that this was the plan all along,” I say. “Something started two weeks ago. It’s why he brought me back. I was going to be his Enola Gay.” My eyes widen. “I was going to deliver a bomb.”

“What bomb?” Winters asks.

I shrug. “I have no idea, but I was his delivery system.” I turn to Allenby. “He’s found someone else to do it.”

This is something he’s been working on for a long time at that second location, and if the World War Two analogy is accurate, I don’t think Maya will survive it… if she’s alive. Whether or not Lyons’s actions are impulsive, misguided, or on target and justified, Maya’s life is at risk. “What’s the plan?” I ask, strengthened by my increasing resolve.

“Maya’s embedded tracker is transmitting. You’re going after her,” she says. “You’re the only one who can. I’m going to let the Dread Squad take me in so I can have a chat with your father-in-law. See if I can’t talk him back from the brink. There has to be another way to do this, or at least do it with the full support of the U.S. military.”

I nearly point out that the U.S. military might be compromised already, that under Dread influence they might be more likely to shoot each other or us. This is probably the same conclusion Lyons has come to. If so, he can tell Allenby himself. Let them debate strategy and protocol. I’m going after Maya.

I notice a slight tremor in Allenby’s hands. It started when she mentioned Dread Squad. “You seem a little nervous. You don’t think Katzman will—”

“I don’t think it will be Katzman,” she says, “or anyone else we might know. Dread Squad isn’t just the handful of men you saw here.” She stops in front of an armory door. “There are hundreds of them.”

“Three hundred thirty-three,” Winters says. “I helped vet them. They were supposed to be a defensive force, like the Secret Service, protecting VIPs from Dread influence, but I think they’ve been trained for something else.”

“They’re not your problem.” Allenby enters the armory.

The armory has been picked over, but an array of familiar clothing and weapons has been laid out for me. I pick up the machete and whisper, “Faithful.”

Winters looks at me like I just passed gas. “Excuse me?”

“The best weapons have names,” I say, speaking as old Josef, who I now recall had a habit of naming prized weaponry, and apparently still does. I hold the machete up. “This is Faithful.” Which makes it better than me, I think, but keep to myself. I turn to Allenby. “You said Maya’s tracker signal popped back up. Is she nearby?”

Allenby frowns. “Louisiana. New Orleans. Hope you’re not afraid of flying now. Lyons sent a team in that direction an hour ago, so they’ve got a head start.”

“You said Lyons didn’t think Maya was alive,” I point out.

“It’s not a rescue mission. It’s an assault.”

“If they’re already in the air, how are we going to catch up?”

“I’ve made arrangements,” Winters says. “Lyons might have vast resources, including planes, but Neuro is just a small cog in the larger machine that I have access to. We’ll get there first, if we leave now.”

“This might be a stupid question,” I say, “but why don’t we have a couple of F-22s force them to land?”

“Lyons has a lot of friends,” Winters says. “In Washington and the military. He’s probably got F-22s escorting him. Our best play is to beat him there, get Maya to safety, and see if her survival takes the wind out of his sails.”

I appreciate that Winters and Allenby think there is an alternative to the coming violence, but I’m not convinced. Not by a long shot. Conflicts like this are ended by violence, an opinion that is, thus far, supported by my returning memory. If I’m able to get Maya clear, I might even give Lyons my blessing. I have no love for the Dread, and he’s the only one capable of responding to the threat. Allenby seems to think I’ve been cut out of the loop because a fearful Crazy wouldn’t approve of war—of fighting the Dread. But the opposite is true. By taking Maya, they’ve rekindled my hatred for them. I appreciate Allenby’s position, but Maya is my only concern. Not only did she love me, unconditionally, but she also made me feel more… human. I lived in darkness so vast that I was able to see the Dread, not with my eyes, but with my heart. I recognized the effect they had on people because it was the same effect my presence so often elicited. Maya freed me from that, and now I’m going to free her from it.

Voices, firm and professional, slide into the room from the hallway beyond. Commands and confirmations. Dread Squad. They’re already here.

Allenby picks up and shoves the oscillium armor at me. “We can’t let them take you. It’s time to be Crazy.”