Mona Lisa Darkening

CHAPTER TWENTY

WORDS came later with terrible awkwardness. "Did I… please you?" Amber asked uncertainly. He asked because when Monères had sex, they glowed, but only if they felt pleasure. I hadn't glowed.

"Yes, you pleased me. You saw… felt me come."

"But you didn't —"

"No, I didn't glow." My smile was bittersweet as I realized that things weren't as bad as I thought — they were worse. Much worse.

"Maybe I was too gentle."

I laughed, a far from happy sound. "No, you were perfect." I kissed him lightly, poignantly, trying to say I'm sorry, it's not your fault in that tender gesture. Maybe even a silent good-bye.

"I'm going to take a shower." I slipped out of bed.

The water ran over me, washing away the musky smell of sex, of remembered pleasure, making me feel washed away as well — washed of everything that I was.

I've lost everything. Everything.. even Amber.

Human weakness, human frailty — that might have been workable. No matter my other shortcomings, I could have still been their Queen… as long as I could Bask. As long as I could draw down the renewing rays of the moon and share it with my people. I couldn't now. I couldn't glow. That inner luminous shine of the moon kept as a reservoir within our bodies was no longer in me. I no longer held the moon's light.

A part of me wondered if I was no longer Monère, just human now. Another part of me said it didn't matter. I was useless to my people. Whatever I was, I was useless to them.

Drying off, I went back into the bedroom and found Amber naked, waiting for me. "Tell me what I did wrong?" he said, eyes worried.

"You did nothing wrong, Amber. The problem is with me, not you. Why don't you take a quick shower," I suggested quietly, pulling on my clothes. "And I'll explain everything downstairs. Not only to you, but to the others also. They'll need to know."

It was the hardest thing to leave, to walk away from him. Shutting the door softly, I walked downstairs.