Motherhood Is Murder

CHAPTER TWENTY

To Do:

1. Meet with Gary Barramendi.

2. Shop for shoes.

3. Practice some recipes for Thanksgiving.

4. Groceries.

5. Laurie—need the memento book—already missed milestone!

I’d had a fitful night. Tossing and turning while Laurie was sound asleep and then finally drifting off just as she would wake for a feeding. While I nursed her, I contemplated my restlessness.

I was definitely nervous about meeting with Mr. Barramendi, but was that all? No, the weight of the case was getting to me. And now to make matters worse, I’d have to lie to Barramendi about Galigani or avoid the topic altogether.

I had never been good at lying. Something people find hard to believe as soon as they discover I have an acting degree. But acting is different. You take on the role of a character. You’re not actually lying about yourself.

And then again. Wait.

Yes. Tomorrow I would play the part of a character. I would meet with Barramendi as my “future self.” A self-assured, successful PI. A licensed PI.

In the morning I woke with a start to the alarm. Laurie was still asleep and Jim was getting dressed for his meeting. He stood in front of our closet examining dress shirts.

“Good morning,” I said, propping myself up in bed.

“Hi, honey. I made coffee,” Jim said.

“Thank you.”

Jim selected a blue striped dress shirt and put it on.

He looked great. My mind immediately snapped to what I was going to wear. Did anything fit?

As soon as Jim said good-bye, I jumped to the task of getting ready.

First I nursed and burped Laurie then laid her back in the bassinet. She was still awake but seemed content to study a white bunny rattle that I handed her.

I stopped suddenly; today Laurie was two months old!

I picked her up out of the bassinet. “Oh! My darling!” I squeezed her to me. “Two months already. So short a time and yet it feels like you’ve been part of my life forever.”

Laurie cooed and attempted to put the bunny rattle into her mouth.

“You like the bunny? Mommy’s going to get you something for your . . . what? Second month birthday? Okay, that works.” I kissed Laurie’s head and put her down.

Need to add shopping for Laurie to the to-do list!

Next I showered, then pulled out my new girdle and wrapped it around myself. It was simple enough to use. It wrapped around my tummy and hips and fastened on the side with a long Velcro fitting.

I positioned it in place and frantically started going through items in my closet. I found a favorite burgundy silk blouse and tried it on. To my astonishment, it fit nicely. I then selected some trousers. The first three pairs I tried on were way too tight, but the fourth pair worked.

Way to go, girdle!

Shoes?

Ah. Another problem!

My postpartum feet didn’t fit any of my pre-Laurie shoes. I finally found some loafers that would barely pass.

I glanced at the clock. I needed to get Laurie loaded into the car and out of the house in the next few minutes if I was going to be on time, and I still needed to pack her diaper bag.

Why hadn’t I packed the stupid diaper bag last night?

I hurried to do my hair and makeup.

At least Laurie was now sound asleep; that would be a help in getting out the door. I ran to the freezer and found a few bags of frozen milk. Just over 4 ounces. Enough for one feeding.

Darn. I needed to build up a bigger supply if I was going to have to keep leaving Laurie with a sitter. Another thing to add to my list!

I hustled Laurie into the car. She barely roused. Why didn’t she sleep like this for me? Why only when I left her with someone?

I drove to Paula’s and pulled into her driveway like a madwoman.

I unclipped the car seat from the base and grabbed the diaper bag, lugging the entire load up Paula’s front steps.

Paula opened the door ensconced in a violet terry robe.

“Good morning!” I said, pushing my way past her and into the entrance to unburden my arms.

Paula let out a low whistle. “Look at you, girl! You are looking hot!”

“Thanks. It takes effort now, you know.”

Paula laughed. “Oh yeah! Hey, what’s up with your shoes?”

I glanced down at my loafers and shrugged. “They’re what fit.”

Paula tsked. “Oh no. Follow me.”

Paula retreated down the hallway. I looked at Laurie sound asleep in her car seat. I quickly put my hand on her and felt reassured by the rise and fall of her belly.

I walked down the hallway to Paula’s bedroom, stopping first to peek in on Danny. Paula had hand painted the room in baby blue with a mural of Thomas the Tank Engine on one wall. Sure looked a lot more inviting than Laurie’s nursery that doubled as Jim’s and my office.

I worried about having the computer in Laurie’s nursery. Was it giving off any weird energy waves that I should be concerned about?

Add that to my to-do list: look up safety of computers in nursery!

Currently, she was spending the night in our room in her portable bassinet, but soon she would outgrow that and have to sleep down the hall. My heart dropped. She would be down the hall! So far away from me.

A big kid in her crib in her own room.

I peered over at Danny asleep in his crib. I marveled at how long he appeared; it seemed like only yesterday he had been an infant like Laurie.

I touched his soft hair. “Hey, buddy, you’re gonna be a big brother soon.”

He was fidgeting a bit and his mouth started to move as though he wanted to nurse or have a pacifier. Still asleep, his hand shot to his mouth and he started sucking his thumb.

“You’re still a baby, too! I love you, little buddy.” I pulled his blanket up around him and headed toward Paula’s bedroom.

I found her digging in her closet.

“Size?” she asked.

“Pre-Laurie was seven.”

“So eight?” Paula asked from inside the closet.

“I guess. I’m still trying to come to terms with it.”

Paula laughed and rummaged deeper into the closet.

“I have some frozen breast milk for Laurie in the diaper bag. She could be hungry when she wakes up. I also brought some formula, just in case I’m not back in time for the feeding after that. Oh, shoot . . .”

“What?” Paula asked from inside the closet.

“I didn’t think about a purse. All my gear, my wallet, cell phone, notebook, and stuff is in the diaper bag.”

Paula emerged from the closet with the classiest pair of Ferragamo burgundy pumps I’d ever seen. They matched my blouse exactly. I gasped.

Paula grimaced. “Just my luck. I was a size eight pre-Danny, now I’m a nine, so you can have them.”

I grabbed her around the neck and kissed her cheek, then slipped into the shoes. They felt simply divine. “Ooh, I feel so in!”

She laughed as she kicked the loafers I’d been wearing across the room. “Well, those are definitely out.”

“I’m matchy-matchy now!” I exclaimed. “You are a lifesaver!”

Paula let out a self-satisfied sigh. “I know. And you don’t even know the half of it. I have the matching bag for you.”

She reached inside the closet and pulled out the purse. A lovely handbag that was large enough for my notebook, but sleek enough to belong to a media darling.

I sighed. “Paula! It’s beautiful.”

“You know my thing about bags and shoes.”

I studied my reflection in the mirror, posing with the shoes and holding the handbag to me. “I look like I can fake it, huh?”

Paula smiled widely. “Of course, girlfriend! Fake it ’til you make it.”

When I arrived at Gary Barramendi’s office, I was greeted by a receptionist, who had on a Dior suit and more expensive shoes than I did. Her honey-colored hair was pinned at the sides and down in the back, framing her round young face. She looked to be in her early twenties. She assured me she would let Gary know I had arrived and showed me to a waiting room.

The waiting room boasted huge windows with a glorious view of Alcatraz. There was a station with coffee, tea, and water in the corner of the room, and in the center were several high-back chairs near a table covered with magazines.

On the wall opposite the windows a full-length mirror reflected views of Alcatraz throughout the room. But instead of focusing me on the view, it focused me on the image of me.

I had forgotten to put breast pads inside my bra.

Oh God! What if I leaked!

I pulled the door of the waiting room open and peeked out into the hallway. No trace of the receptionist or anyone else, but a ladies’ room sign was prominent. I made a mad dash into the ladies’ room and quickly pulled some tissues from a box on the marbled counter.

I folded a few sheets of tissue neatly and stuffed them into my bra. The result gave me square breasts.

I pulled the tissues out and tried a single sheet on each side. The padding was not as noticeable. I prayed only one sheet would be enough.

I returned to the waiting room and fiddled with the magazines. The glossy rags depicted yachting, golfing, and travel that I could only dream about. I wondered about Gary’s clientele. Were they all that high-end?

I was totally out of my league. Each magazine I flipped through made me feel worse and worse, until I was a nervous wreck.

What was I doing here?

Women who had sat in this waiting room before me certainly didn’t have tissues stuffed in their bras. Or worse, girdles to hold in their postpartum bellies. And they definitely, definitely didn’t sit here in borrowed designer shoes with the accompanying handbag!

In the midst of my insecurity, the receptionist returned and ushered me into Gary’s office.

The office was enormous, with an astonishing view of the Bay Bridge. I felt as if I could lean out his window and touch traffic.

Gary Barramendi stood when I entered and offered me a warm handshake.

I was suddenly disarmed. He was young. Not what I had been expecting at all. He was very tall. Perhaps six-six. And extremely thin, bordering on gawky. He had dark bushy hair. His features appeared to be pushed together from all different angles and the left side of his face was almost completely different from the right side, yet everything was fused in the middle by his large nose.

Despite his unconventional face and stature, his smile was warm and his handshake firm and friendly, putting me at ease instantly.

“Hey. Gary Barramendi. Nice to meet you. I understand you know Bruce Chambers.”

“Yes.” I shook his hand with my best businesslike handshake and said, “Kate Connolly, pleasure to meet you.”

Gary motioned to the sofa that hugged the left wall of the office. “Have a seat.”

I was starting to feel confident. Gary wasn’t a grizzly! This was going to be a good meeting.

I was channeling my future self. Confident, smart, pro-active.

I was feeling great!

I placed my beautiful burgundy Ferragamo handbag on the couch and took a seat next to it. Suddenly a horrifying loud ripping sound reverberated around the room.

I froze.

The Velcro closing on my girdle had given way. The entire thing came undone under my shirt. The buttons on my silk blouse threatened to pop and the material between each button gapped hideously open.

I moaned and swayed, feeling a bit faint.

Please, please, earth, swallow me whole.