Murder in E Minor

9

I don’t think Nero Wolfe has ever properly appreciated my role as the fulfiller of his wishes. During the one hundred and twenty minutes he was puttering with his playthings up on the roof that afternoon, I was making hurried telephone calls, jumping into and out of taxis, and signing a cashier’s check for twenty-five thousand dollars. All so that when he rode the elevator down and walked into his office, I could turn in my chair and casually say, “Everything’s set; Milner’s out and will be here at nine.”

It’s not that my efforts were totally overlooked. After all, he did say “Very satisfactory” when he sat down, which is roughly equivalent to a lesser mortal clicking his heels, doing a cartwheel, and singing the first two verses of “Yankee Doodle Dandy.”

I’ve got to brag a little about those two hours, although I did get a few breaks. The instant the elevator doors closed behind Wolfe, I was on the phone to Lily, who was home. Break Number One. She was only mildly miffed at me for sending an unannounced houseguest her way, one who was en route to her Park Avenue palace even as we talked. Her interest increased when she learned it was the niece of the late Milan Stevens.

“Escamillo, am I to assume this has something to do with your preoccupation of the other evening?”

“You may assume whatever you wish, my love. I can’t give you any details right now, but I promise I will somewhere along the way. In the meantime, please make Maria feel at home, as only you can do. I don’t have to tell you the state she’s in, and that rest and privacy are what she needs more than anything. By the way, she’ll be coming without a suitcase.”

“I’m sure I can find things to fit her,” Lily said. “Worry no more, she’ll find a safe haven here. When will I hear from you again? And do I have any other instructions?”

I told Lily I’d call her again that day, and maybe even see her, then I dialed the number of Nathaniel Parker, who for years has been Wolfe’s lawyer and the only member of the bar that he trusts. He was in his office — Break Number Two.

“Archie! I haven’t heard from you in months. Is everything well with you and Wolfe?”

“More or less,” I told him. “I’m calling on business, of all things. Mr. Wolfe wants to post the bond for Gerald Milner, the man who’s been charged with Milan Stevens’s murder.”

“What! I just heard about that on the radio a little while ago. I... There are a dozen questions I’d like to ask. First, what’s the bond?”

“A quarter-million,” I said.

Parker made a sound somewhere between a whistle and a wheeze. “That means, depending on the judge, it’ll probably take twenty-five grand to get him out.”

“No problem,” I said. “Look, our bank closes in less than an hour, and we want Milner free right away. Can you meet me at the Thirty-fourth Street branch of the Metropolitan Trust Company in fifteen minutes?”

Parker sounded a little dazed, but said he’d cancel an appointment and be there. I told Fritz to cover the phone, and I was out the door in search of a cab, which I quickly found. Break Number Three. Traffic was unusually light for that time of day, so I got to the bank in ten minutes. I waited in front, and shortly another taxi pulled up: Nathaniel Parker, attorney-at-law, unfolded his six feet, four inches and stepped out. “Good to see you, Archie, despite the... unusual circumstances,” he said, holding out a big hand. “I just called the court, and as I suspected, it’s a ten-percent bail, so you’ve got to cough up twenty-five thousand.”

After that, things moved pretty fast. I went inside and talked to Mr. Tucker, the branch manager, with whom Wolfe and I had been dealing for years. Ten minutes later, Parker had a cashier’s check in his pocket and was in a cab on his way to get Gerald Milner out of the Biker’s Island Detention Center, while I was in a taxi of my own heading for Lily Rowan’s apartment.

Lily was surprised to see me so soon, and said Maria had checked in and was lying down. “You’re about to have another visitor, although not as a houseguest,” I told her, looking at my watch. “If all goes well, the man charged with Milan Stevens’s murder will be walking through that door in the next half-hour.”

It’s hard to shock Lily Rowan, but that time I managed. Her mouth dropped open, and her first words were, “I need a drink.” I said I’d have one myself, and after I mixed two Scotch-and-waters, we sat in Lily’s sunroom while I sketched in the situation, figuring I owed it to her. Lily’s not one to be fazed by anything for long, and I could see her eyes sparkle as she realized she was being drawn into the case. We had agreed on her role for the evening when the call came from downstairs: Mr. Nathaniel Parker and another gentleman were here to see Miss Rowan.

Lily was nervous as we waited for the elevator to bring them up. I’ll admit I was a little on edge myself, and particularly curious to see what kind of guy Gerald Milner was. I can hardly say he made a good first impression, but maybe part of the problem is that when two men enter a room together and one is eight inches taller than the other, the little guy is starting with a couple of strikes. After getting used to his height — he barely reached Parker’s shoulders — I began sizing Milner up: horn-rimmed glasses, sandy hair that fell over one eye, slightly stooped shoulders, and a glum expression, which was certainly understandable under the circumstances. He was wearing a blue suit and a white dress shirt open at the collar. And he looked totally lost.

“Mr. Milner, this is Miss Lily Rowan and Mr. Archie Goodwin,” Parker said formally. I was expecting a limp paw, but I got a surprisingly strong handshake. That’s one in your favor, I thought, but I still wonder what Maria sees in you.

“Mr. Milner, Mr. Parker, please come in and sit down,” Lily said, gesturing toward her ballroom-sized living room. “I’m sure you’d both like a drink; Mr. Goodwin is taking orders.” She smiled sweetly at me, and I made for the bar. Parker took his usual dry martini, and Milner, who must have wondered what the hell was going on, asked for a sherry. I refilled Lily’s and my Scotch, and we all sat looking at each other.

“Any problems?” I asked Parker. “Anybody from the press there when you posted bond?”

“Not a soul,” Parker said. “It went very smoothly. Although” — he turned to Milner — “I think this gentleman was most surprised at finding himself free.”

“Yes,” Milner said in a strong voice that didn’t go with the rest of him. “I’m wondering who I have to thank, and why. I’m happy, of course, but—”

He stopped talking and stared over my left shoulder. I turned and saw Maria standing in the doorway wearing a robe. They looked at each other without saying anything, and finally Maria, unconscious of how she was dressed, ran over and embraced him as he stood up. “I’ve been so worried,” she said, burying her face in his chest.

“It’s all right,” he said. “As long as you know it wasn’t me, everything’s all right.”

Lily stood and eyed Parker and me. “Gentlemen, I suggest we finish our drinks in the sunroom and let these two have a few minutes together.”

We dutifully filed out, but Maria and Milner hardly noticed. At that point, they would have been oblivious of anything that measured less than seven on the Richter scale. “I know you both have a lot of questions about what’s going on,” I said as we took our seats in the sunroom. “I’ve got to get back home now and report to you-know-who, but eventually I’ll explain all of it. You’re having the two lovers for dinner, right?” I asked Lily, and she nodded. “Okay, Mr. Wolfe wants to see Milner at nine. The three of you can come over in a cab, because I doubt that the two of them will want to be apart for long, and you can keep Maria company in the front room while we’re talking. I don’t think Milner will balk at coming, especially after Maria explains to him that we’re the ones who sprung him.”

I turned to Parker: “You said everything went smoothly getting Milner out. Does that also mean Mr. Wolfe’s name wasn’t connected with the bond in any way?”

“Right, Archie, although everybody in town knows I’m Nero Wolfe’s attorney, so it won’t take a great intellect to figure out who was behind the move.”

“True enough,” I said, “but at least they’ll harass you first, before coming to us.” Parker smiled and allowed as how he could handle the harassment just fine. At that, we both stood, thanking Lily for the hospitality.

“Think nothing of it,” she said in a low voice. “I have last-second overnight guests and suspected murderers as dinner companions all the time.”

I scratched my right cheek just below the ear and winked at her as we walked out. Parker and I went our separate ways in taxis, with mine delivering me to the brownstone at a quarter to six. I had time to clean up a little of the deskwork before Wolfe came down and I gave him the word that everything was ready.

After his “Very satisfactory” and a ring for beer, he asked for a verbatim fill-in. He was particularly interested in my reaction to Milner. “Short, meek, generally unimpressive to look at, but he has a strong handshake,” I said. “As I told you, I didn’t hear him speak more than a sentence or two, but there’s something about him I like. Your next question is: Do I think he killed Stevens? My gut reaction is nine-to-two against, but don’t ask me to explain it, because I can’t — except that I don’t think he’s capable of killing anything larger than a full-grown mosquito.”

Wolfe poured the first bottle of beer into his glass and drained half of it. “Assuming that I form a similar opinion after talking to Mr. Milner, I suggest we have him stay here, at least tonight. Do you think it absolutely necessary for Miss Radovich and Miss Rowan to accompany him here?”

I said yes, it was a good idea to have them come along. Maria would ensure that Milner came, and Lily in turn was insurance that the twosome wouldn’t have an irrational last-minute impulse to fly off to God-knows-where. Wolfe shrugged, resigning himself to having two women under his roof for a few hours. The very thought was enough to make him ring for more beer.