49

One of the key aspects of being human is to experience and enjoy human contact — the meeting of hearts and minds, the touching of bodies, of skin. How I have missed that! I haven’t felt human in so long.

— ANNA CORRINO, the Denali Diary


Anna had waited for this moment — for Erasmus — and her anticipation was intense, but somehow she kept herself calm in his presence, knowing that he appreciated being in control. He had trained her carefully during the many months he had been her constant companion, the voice whispering in her ear, and more.

In his new body Erasmus was the perfect male form, as if sculpted by a classical master from those hedonistic days before the Time of Titans. The face resembled Gilbertus Albans, but the person was completely different: Erasmus, her friend and protector, the one who understood Anna better than anyone else. After her mind had been twisted by the Sisterhood’s Rossak drug, she had never thought anyone would understand her again. But Erasmus did, and always had, even before revealing himself as a disembodied, whispering voice in the first phase of their relationship, advising her and asking probing questions.

But now he was real, standing before her in a form so handsome that her eyes ached. She could only gaze briefly at him because a thin sheen of tears softened the image. “Just walk with me, Erasmus.” She took his hand — his hand of real, tangible flesh.

He appeared to be comfortable and in control of his new body. Together, they strolled through the corridors of the laboratory domes, passing workrooms, pausing to look at the hangars where immense cymek walkers were being refurbished and armed for their impending assault on Lampadas.

When Erasmus clasped Anna’s fingers, she felt electricity tingling through her arm — not electricity from the robotic gelsphere that held his memories and personality. No, this was the electricity of physical contact, the spark of a long-anticipated touch.

Anna had a spring in her step as she led him along, but when he stopped to stare at the enormous walkers, Erasmus had a distant, admiring look in his borrowed eyes. For a long time now, he had been telling her about the cymeks and the Synchronized Empire. He liked to talk about his magnificent villa with its slave pens and laboratories on Corrin, before the humans wiped it out in a barbaric atomic attack. Anna wondered what he thought now when he looked at these new cymeks.

She looped his arm around hers. “I want to show you so many things. I’ve waited a long time for this moment.”

“As I have waited. Every sensation in this body is new and noteworthy.” His voice sounded different coming from a natural, human throat. It had a rich and sonorous quality that sounded very much like Headmaster Albans.

“And if you are going to be human, you need to experience everything possible — in the way humans experience those things,” she said. “I can show you, if you let me be your guide. I want to be special to you.”

“You are already my special one, Anna.” He looked down at her with a blank expression for a moment, and then the face shifted into a warm smile, as if Erasmus was thinking of how to manipulate a flowmetal robotic body but didn’t yet understand the nuances of an expression made of flesh.

He raised his hand so he could stare in wonder at the palm. He flexed and unflexed the fingers. “So many lines and patterns on my fingertips and palm. I don’t understand the code, and I wonder at the biological necessity of such randomness and infinite perfection. This also merits further study … a study of myself, instead of someone else. Thank you for bringing me here, Anna. You are a very important part of my instruction and growth as a sentient being.”

While the Denali engineers kept working on the cymeks, Anna guided him away with her. They entered the sterile laboratory vault that held the enlarged and distorted brains of failed Navigators, the mutated gray matter holding many more cellular ripples than a normal human brain. As a bodiless memory core, Erasmus had expressed interest in the Navigator brains, and Anna had often taken him there so that he could observe with his optical sensors.

Now, though, he was there in person. “What a magnificent sight,” he said.

Nearly a hundred enlarged brains hung inside their fluid-filled tanks — whether resting or contemplating, Anna didn’t know. Fifteen tanks were missing from their slots, because those Navigator brains were out testing new cymek walkers, practicing combat and manipulation skills for the ultimate assault on the Butlerian homeworld. “I would like to explore these specimens further, conduct interesting experiments. Maybe I could link up to the communications conduits, so I can converse with them.”

That was not at all what Anna had in mind. “But not right now — there’s something far more important.” When she took both his hands, her heart was pounding. She knew what she wanted, but was afraid to ask for it. Her breathing was shallow, and the sterile air burned her nose and throat. She leaned closer, touching the muscles of his body, holding his hands, and then she released one of them and ran her fingers across his chest. It felt so good to touch someone again.

“There are many more parts to being human, Erasmus dear, experiences you’ve never had. I want to be the first. I want to instruct you.”

“I’m sure I will find it most interesting,” he said.

She stopped him from talking further by pulling his face close and kissing him. It was her first kiss in a very long time, and the first for Erasmus, ever.

For several moments his lips remained motionless, but she stroked the side of his face and kissed him again. She let her eyelids fall closed, then forced herself to open them again so that she could look into his eyes. Erasmus had a perplexed, even amused expression, a glint that traveled all the way from his memory core.

Around them, the Navigator brains didn’t seem to notice at all.

She felt the solidity of his body as she wrapped her arms around him. Anna kissed him again, and slowly he began to respond as if it were a learned experience. Then she broke away. “You will enjoy what I have to offer, I promise.” She took his hand and led him out of the laboratory vault.

Understanding her intent, he said, “I am what humans call a virgin. This will be a valuable experiment.”

When they had sealed themselves in her chamber, she pulled off his laboratory jumpsuit, even ripping some of the fabric in her eagerness. Although she had watched this body grow from a small lump of flesh into a finished naked body inside the biological tank, it was still a delicious discovery as she pulled away his garments now.

Erasmus had studied human history and witnessed sexual relations over the years. He had kept innumerable human slaves in his laboratory pens. “I’m familiar with the mechanics of the procreation process, and have read much of the mystique about sex, but my knowledge has always been objective, never subjective.”

She pulled him down onto her narrow bed and crawled on top of him. Erasmus allowed himself to be pliable in her hands. “Not procreation, Erasmus. Lovemaking. And I want to make love to you now.”

She had to take his hands and make him start removing her clothes, then she guided him to touch her body, to run his hands over her shoulders, her back, her breasts. At first, he simply followed instructions, but she encouraged him to be imaginative. As a lifelong researcher, Erasmus certainly understood the possibilities of experimentation.

Anna felt as if her world had become bright and soft again. She hadn’t taken a lover since Hirondo Nef, who had made her promises, told her lies, seduced her, filled her with silly dreams. Salvador had ruined that relationship, although Anna now realized — thanks to a careful analysis by Erasmus — that Hirondo had only been using her, taking advantage of her. Anna knew that no one had ever really loved her before this, not in the way she wanted and deserved. No one understood her as much as Erasmus did.

He spoke little as she continued to kiss him, and massaged his back. Her every move, her every gesture went into a database, and he catalogued it along with what he knew about human romance and sexuality. Though he was a thinking-machine mind, the body was fully human and it knew how to respond.


* * *

ERASMUS STORED EVERY sensation. This was indeed a new set of unusual experiences — made even more instructive, but also baffling, as he chronicled the joy and ecstasy on Anna’s face, her adoring expression after they had finished the biological activity.

The sensual movements had a ritualistic, prolonged manner that did not seem to be a particularly efficient means of reproduction, taking much longer than was absolutely required. Nevertheless, it was a fine example of the experimental possibilities the new body offered him.

Afterward, she lay close beside him, kissing his cheek and stroking his hair. Erasmus didn’t entirely understand this epilogue, although he had read about it in countless romantic poems and stories. She didn’t seem to want more from him, only this nearness. Because it seemed to be an essential part of the activity for her, he held her and said nothing.

“I love you, Erasmus,” she said.

He filed away all the data of his new experiences.

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