Never End

9

Halders walked through the house. Everything seemed strange now that he no longer lived there. They'd moved in together, then he'd moved out. Margareta had stayed there with the children, and he'd gotten an apartment in the center of town. It wasn't cheap, but it was the best solution. The house was still there for the children. And anyway, she earned more than he did.

Had earned more.

Hannes and Magda had stayed at home yesterday, but they were back at school today. He was back in the living room. He'd made the tour. Most of the furniture was from then. Most of it was still there. She wasn't there, but everything else was. Margareta hadn't been seeing anybody else as far as he knew, but he didn't know everything.

He'd asked the children about school, if they'd prefer to stay at home for a few days. Magda had said no at first, and Hannes hadn't replied.

"Can we still live here?" Hannes asked from his bed when Halders went into his room.

Halders sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Can we still live in the house? I want to stay here."

"If you want to live here, that's where we'll live."

"Will you live here too, Dad?"

The boy's question made him feel very cold. It was a horrific question. He suddenly thought about how exposed children are, how vulnerable. In the boy's mind it wasn't patently obvious that Dad would live with them. Come back to them… full time.

He felt so tremendously sad as he sat there. Endlessly sorrowful.

"Of course we'll live together, Hannes."

"Magda too?"

"Magda too."

"Will we live here, then?"

Halders thought about his apartment. His shitty little apartment. Now it was gone, almost. He no longer owned this house, but it must be possible to solve that problem.

"I guess that's what we'll do."

"Do I have to go to school?"

"No. Like I said before."

"What's Magda going to do? Is she going to school?"

"If she wants to. She ended up deciding she did want to."

The boy sat up. There were posters on the wall over his bed, some heavy metal bands whose names Halders vaguely recognized.

"Do you think they've started the first lesson after lunch?"

"Not yet."

"Then I can go."

Halders drove the children to school, then went back to the house and did his tour again.

He called Winter.

"Did you see her?" he asked.

"Yes."

"How did it go?"

"How are you feeling, Fredrik?

"You're answering a question with a question."

"I wanted to know how it's going for you."

"Great."

"Stop it, for Christ's sake."

"OK, not great. But in the circumstances…"

"What are you doing?"

"Walking around the house. Around and around. It looks like I'll be moving back here. The kids want to stay."

"Walk around as many times as you like." Winter could hear Halders breathing. "Jeanette Bielke asked me to say hello."

"I'm coming in," said Halders.

"Take a few days off."

"No."

"Well, I can't force you."

"If I collapse at least it will be while I'm on the front line."

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," said Winter.

"I've got something else you maybe would like to hear," said Halders. "Something occurred to me in connection with the murder of Angelika Hansson. Something we haven't talked about."

"Can't we discuss it now? Over the phone?"

"I'm coming in. It can wait for an hour."

"It will have to be this afternoon. I'm seeing the Wagners in half an hour."

"Did they ask for the meeting?"

"No, I did."

She had biked home and hung up her damp swimsuit on the line behind the house. Or in front of it, if you go in through the kitchen door. As she had.

It was quiet indoors. She had the evening to herself if she wanted to stay here. She could wander around with a beer or a glass of wine and smell the scents wafting in through the open windows when night fell. There was so much greenery outside that it was a joy to wander around the house, experiencing it.

She took a shower. The answering machine was blinking when she went back to her bedroom. She listened to the message, and immediately returned the call.

"I was in the shower."

"Hmm."

"Did you call earlier? Somebody called my mobile and didn't say anything."

"No."

"So… what's happening?"

"Can you come here tonight?"

"I don't know… I don't have the strength."

"Do you really mean that?"

"It's true. I feel really lazy."

"You can be lazy here too. Relatively lazy."

"It's on the other side of town."

"Take a taxi."

"Too expensive."

"I'll pay."

"No."

"I will, I promise."

"I didn't mean it like that. I feel like staying in tonight. Taking it easy."

"OK."

"You won't be angry?"

"You'll regret it."

"Are you angry?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"No."

"We could meet tomorrow maybe?"

"I can't, sorry."

"Oh."

"I'll call you."