Never Too Far

Never Too Far

By Abbi Glines

Never Too Far Copyright © 2013 by Abbi Glines

Smashwords Edition

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes. If you are reading this book and you have not purchased it or won it in an author/publisher contest, this book has been pirated. Please delete and support the author by purchasing the ebook from one of its many distributors.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.

For information concerning the cover art please visit Sarah Hansen’s website at http://okaycreations.net/site/

Editor: Stephanie T. Lott a.k.a. Bibliophile

Published by Abbi Glines 16125 County Road 13 Fairhope, AL 36532

Quick Links

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Start of book

About the author, Abbi Glines

Dedication

To every reader out there who has a Rush Crush.

Acknowledgments

Keith, my husband, who tolerated the dirty house, lack of clean clothes, and my mood swings, while I wrote this book (and all my other books).

My three precious kiddos who ate a lot of corn dogs, pizza, and Frosted Flakes because I was locked away writing. I promise, I cooked them many good hot meals once I finished.

Elizabeth Reyes, Autumn Hull and Colleen Hoover for reading and critiquing Never Too Far. Thanks for your help ladies!

Sarah Hansen who designed this amazing cover. She is brilliant. I love her and she’s pretty dang fun to hang out with too. Trust me… I know ;)

To the coolest agent to ever grace the literary world, Jane Dystel. I adore her. It is that simple. And a shout out to Lauren Abramo, my foreign rights agent who is doing an amazing job at getting my books worldwide. She rocks.

Stephanie T. Lott I’ve worked with many editors and I really love this one. She’s fabulous.

Rush

13 years ago…

There was a knock at the door then just the small shuffle of feet. My chest already ached. Mom had called me on their way home to tell me what she’d done and that now she needed to go out to have some cocktails with friends. I’d be the one that would need to soothe Nan. My mom couldn’t handle the stress it involved. Or so she’d said when she called me.

“Rush?” Nan’s voice called out with a hiccup. She’d been crying.

“I’m here, Nan,” I said as I stood up from the beanbag I’d been sitting on in the corner. It was my hiding spot. In this house you needed a hiding spot. If you didn’t have one then bad things happened.

Strands of Nan’s red curls stuck to her wet face. Her bottom lip quivered as she stared up at me with those sad eyes of hers. I hardly ever saw them happy. My mother only gave her attention when she needed to dress her up and show her off. The rest of the time she was ignored. Exceptby me. I did my best to make her feel wanted.

“I didn’t see him. He wasn’t there,” she whispered as a small sob escaped. I didn’t have to ask who “he” was. I knew. Mom had gotten tired of hearing Nan ask about her father. So she’d decided to take her to see him. I wish she’d told me. I wish I could have gone. The stricken look on Nan’s face had my hands balling into fist. If I ever saw that man I was gonna punch him in the nose. I wanted to see him bleed.

“Come here,” I said, reaching out a hand and pulling my little sister into my arms. She wrapped hers around my waist and squeezed me tightly. Times like this it was hard to breathe. I hated the life she’d been given. At least I knew my dad wanted me. He spent time with me.

“He has other daughters. Two of them. And they’re… beautiful. Their hair is like an angel’s hair. And they have a momma that lets them play outside in the dirt. They were wearing tennis shoes. Dirty ones.” Nan was envious of dirty tennis shoes. Our mother didn’t allow her to be less than perfect at all times. She’d never even owned a pair of tennis shoes.

“They can’t be more beautiful than you,” I assured her because I firmly believed that.

Nan sniffed and then pulled back from me. Her head tilted up and those big green eyes looked up at me. “They are. I saw them. I could see pictures on the wall with both girls and a man. He loves them…. He doesn’t love me.”

I couldn’t lie to her. She was right. He didn’t love her.

“He’s a stupid asshat. You have me, Nan. You’ll always have me.”

Blaire

Present Day…

Fifteen miles out of town was far enough. No one ever came this far out of Sumit to visit a pharmacy. Unless of course they were nineteen and in need of something they didn’t want the town to know they had purchased. Everything bought at the local pharmacy would be spread throughout the small town of Sumit, Alabama within the hour. Especially if you were unmarried and purchasing condoms… or a pregnancy test.

I put the pregnancy tests up on the counter and didn’t make eye contact with the clerk. I couldn’t. The fear and guilt in my eyes was something I didn’t want to share with a random stranger. This was something I hadn’t even told Cain. Since I forced Rush out of my life three weeks ago I’d slowly fallen back into the routine of spending all my time with Cain. It was easy. He didn’t press me to talk but when I did want to talk about it he listened.

“Sixteen dollars and fifteen cents,” the lady on the other side of the counter said. I could hear the concern in her voice. Not surprising. This was the purchase of shame all teenage girls feared. I handed her a twenty dollar bill without lifting my eyes from the small bag she’d placed in front of me. It held the one answer I needed and that terrified me. Ignoring the fact my period was two weeks late and pretending like this wasn’t happening was easier. But I had to know.

“Three dollars and eighty-five cents is your change,” she said as I reached out and took the money in her outstretched hand.

“Thanks,” I mumbled and took the bag.

“I hope it all turns out okay,” the lady said in a gentle tone. I lifted my eyes and met a pair of sympathetic brown eyes. She was a stranger that I’d never see again but in that moment it helped having someone else know. I didn’t feel so alone.

“Me too,” I replied before turning from her and walking toward the door. Back into the hot summer sun.

I’d taken two steps out into the parking lot when my eyes fell on the driver’s side of my truck. Cain leaned against it with his arms crossed over his chest. The gray baseball cap he was wearing had a University of Alabama A on it and was pulled down low shading his eyes from me.

I stopped and stared at him. There was no lying about this. He knew I hadn’t come here to buy condoms. There was only one other option. Even without the ability to see the expression in his eyes I knew… that he knew.

I swallowed the lump in my throat that I’d been fighting since I got in my truck this morning and headed out of town. Now it wasn’t just me and the stranger behind the counter that knew. My bestfriend knew too.

I forced myself to put one foot in front of the other. He’d ask questions and I would have to answer. After the past few weeks he deserved an explanation. He deserved the truth. But how did I explain this?

I stopped just a few feet in front of him. I was glad the hat shaded his face. It would be easier to explain if I couldn’t see the thoughts flashing in his eyes.

We stood in silence. I wanted him to speak first but after what felt like several minutes of him not saying anything I knew he wanted me to say something first.

“How did you know where I was?” I finally asked.

“You’re staying at my grandmother’s. The moment you left acting strangely, she called me. I was worried about you,” he replied.

Tears stung my eyes. I would not cry about this. I’d cried all I was going to cry. Clenching the bag holding the pregnancy test closer I straightened my shoulders. “You followed me,” I said. It wasn’t a question.

“Of course I did,” he replied, then shook his head and turned his gaze away from me to focus on something else. “Were you gonna tell me, Blaire?”

Was I going to tell him? I didn’t know. I hadn’t thought that far. “I’m not sure there is anything to tell just yet,” I replied honestly.

Cain shook his head and let out a hard low chuckle that held no humor. “Not sure, huh? You came all the way out here because you weren’t sure?”

He was angry. Or was he hurt? He had no reason to be either. “Until I take this test I’m not sure. I’m late. That’s all. There’s no reason I should tell you about this. It isn’t your concern.”

Slowly, Cain turned his head back to level his gaze on me. He lifted his hand and tilted his hat back. The shade was gone from his eyes. There was disbelief and pain there. I hadn’t wanted to see that. It was almost worse than seeing judgment in his eyes. In a way judgment was better.

“Really? That’s how you feel? After all we’ve been through that’s how you honestly feel?”

What we had been through was in the past. He was my past. I’d been through a lot without him. While he’d enjoyed his high school years I had struggled to hold my life together. What exactly did he think he’d suffered? Anger slowly boiled in my blood and I lifted my eyes to glare at him.

“Yes, Cain. That’s how I feel. I’m not sure what exactly you think we’ve been through. We were best friends, then we were a couple, then my momma got sick and you needed your dick sucked so you cheated on me. I took care of my sick momma alone. No one to lean on. Then she died and I moved. I got my heart and world shattered and came home. You’ve been here for me. I didn’t ask you to but you have. I’m thankful for that but it doesn’t make all that other stuff go away. It doesn’t make up for the fact you deserted me when I needed you the most. So excuse me if when my world is once again about to be jerked out from under me that you aren’t the first person I run to. You haven’t earned that yet.”

I was breathing hard and the tears I hadn’t wanted to shed were running down my face. I hadn’t wanted to cry dammit. I closed the distance between us and used all my strength to shove him out of my way so I could grab the door handle and jerk it open. I needed out of here.Away from him.

“Move,” I yelled as I tried hard to open the door with his weight still against it.

I expected him to argue with me. I expected something other than him doing as I asked. I climbed inside the driver’s seat and threw the little plastic bag in the seat beside me before cranking the truck and backing out of the parking spot. I could see Cain still standing there. He hadn’t moved that much. Just enough so that I could get inside my truck. He wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at the ground as if it had all the answers. I couldn’t worry about him right now. I needed to get away.

Maybe I shouldn’t have said those things to him. Maybe I should have kept them inside where I’d buried them all these years. But it was too late now. He’d pushed me at the wrong moment. I would not feel bad about this.

I also couldn’t go back to his grandmother’s. She was on to me. He’d probably call her and tell her. If not the truth, then something close to it. I didn’t have any other options. I was going to have to take a pregnancy test in the restroom at a service station. Could this get any worse?

Rush

The waves crashing against the shore used to soothe me. I’d been sitting out here on this deck watching the water since I was kid. It had always helped me find a better perspective on things. That wasn’t working for me anymore.

The house was empty. My mother and … the man who I wanted to burn in Hell for all fucking eternity had left as soon as I got back from Alabama three weeks ago. I’d been angry, broken, and wild. After threatening the life of the man my mother was married to, I’d demanded they leave. I didn’t want to see either of them. I needed to call my mom and talk to her but I couldn’t bring myself to do that just yet.

Forgiving my mom was easier said than done. Nan, my sister, had stopped by several times and begged me to talk to her. This wasn’t Nan’s fault but I couldn’t talk to her about this either. She reminded me of what I’d lost. What I’d barely had. What I’d never expected to find.

A loud banging came from inside the house and broke into my thoughts. Turning, I looked back and realized that someone was at the door as the doorbellrang followed by knocking again. Who the hell was that? No one had stopped by except my sister and Grant since Blaire had left.

I put my beer down on the table beside me and stood up. Whoever it was they needed a real good reason for coming over here uninvited. I walked through a house that had stayed clean since Henrietta, the house cleaner’s, last visit. With no parties or social life it was easy to keep things from getting destroyed. I was finding I liked this much better.

The knocking started up again as I reached the door and I jerked it open ready to tell whoever it was to fuck off when words failed me. This wasn’t someone I’d ever expected to see again. I’d only met the guy once and I instantly hated him. Now he was here, I wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he told me how she was. If she was okay. Where she was living? God I hoped she wasn’t living with him. What if he’d… no, no, no, that hadn’t happened. She wouldn’t. Not my Blaire.

My hands clenched tightly into fists at my sides.

“I need to know one thing,” Cain, the boy from Blaire’s past, said as I stared at him in confused disbelief. “Did you,” he stopped and swallowed. “Do you… fuck—” He took off his baseball cap and ran a hand through his hair. I noticed the dark circles under his eyes and the tired, weary expression on his face.

My heart stopped. I grabbed his upper arm and shook him. “Where’s Blaire? Is she okay?”

“She’s fine… I mean, she’s okay. Let go of me before you break my damn arm,” Cain snapped, jerking his arm away from me. “Blaire is alive and well in Sumit. That isn’t why I’m here.”

Then why was he here? We had one connection. Blaire.

“When she left Sumit she was innocent. Very innocent. I had been her only boyfriend. I know how innocent she was. We’ve been best friends since we were kids. The Blaire that came back wasn’t the same one that left. She doesn’t talk about it. She won’t talk about it. I just need to know if you and her… if y’all… I’m just gonna say this, did you fuck her?”

My vision blurred as I moved without any thought other than to murder him. He’d crossed a line. He wasn’t allowed to talk about Blaire like that. He wasn’t allowed to ask those kinds of questions or doubt her innocence. Blaire was innocent, damn him. He had no right.

“Holy shit! Rush, bro, put him down!” Grant’s voice called out to me. I heard him but it was far away and in a tunnel. I was focused on the guy in front of me as my fist connected with his face and blood spewed from his nose. He was bleeding. I needed him to bleed. I needed someone to fucking bleed.

Two arms wrapped around mine from behind and pulled me away as Cain stumbled backwards holding his hands up to his nose with a panicked look in his eyes. Well, one of his eyes. The other one was already swelling shut.

“What the hell did you say to him?” Grant asked from behind me. It was Grant who had me in a vise grip.

“Don’t you fucking say it!” I roared when Cain opened his mouth to reply. I couldn’t hear him talk about her like that. What we had done was more than something dirty or wrong. He acted like I’d ruined her. Blaire was innocent. So incredibly innocent.What he had done didn’t change that.

Grant’s arms tightened on me as he pulled me back against his chest. “You need to go now. I can only hold him for so long. He’s got about twenty more pounds of muscle on him than I do and this ain’t as easy as it looks. You need to run, dude. Don’t come back. You’re one lucky shit I showed up.”

Cain nodded and then stumbled back to his truck. The anger had simmered in my veins but I still felt it. I wanted to hurt him more. To wash away any thought he may have in his head that Blaire wasn’t as perfect as she had been when she had left Alabama. He didn’t know what all she’d been through. The hell my family had put her through. How could he take care of her? She needed me.

“If I let you go are you gonna chase his truck down or are we good?” Grant asked loosening his hold on me.

“I’m good,” I assured him as I shrugged free of his arms and walked over to the railing to grip it and take several deep breaths. The pain was back full force. I’d managed to bury it until it only throbbed a little but seeing that chickenshit reminded me of everything. That night. The one I would never recover from. The one that would mark me forever.

“Can I ask you what the hell that was about or are you gonna beat the shit outta me too?” Grant asked putting some distance between us.

He was my brother for all intents and purposes. Our parents had been married when we were kids. Long enough for us to form that bond. Even though my mom had a couple husbands since then Grant was still my family. He knew enough to know this was about Blaire.

“Blaire’s ex-boyfriend,” I replied without looking back at him.

Grant cleared his throat. “So, uh, he come over here to gloat? Or did you just beat him to a bloody pulp because he touched her once?”

Both. Neither. I shook my head. “No. He came over here asking questions about me and Blaire. Things that weren’t his business. He asked the wrong thing.”

“Ah, I see. That makes sense. Well he paid for it. The dude’s probably got a broken nose to go with that closed shut eye of his.”

I finally lifted my head and looked back at Grant. “Thanks for pulling me off him. I just snapped.”

Grant nodded then opened the door. “Come on. Let’s go turn on the game and drink a beer.”

Blaire

My mother’s grave was the only place I could think of to go. I had no home. I couldn’t go back to Granny Q’s. She was Cain’s grandmother. He was probably there waiting on me. Or maybe he wasn’t. Maybe I’d pushed him away too. I sat down at the foot of my mother’s grave.I pulled my knees up under my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs.

I had come back to Sumit because it was the only place I knew to come. Now, I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay here. Once again my life was about to take a sudden turn. One I wasn’t prepared for. When I’d been a little girl my momma had taken us to Sunday school at the local Baptist church. I remembered a scripture they read us from the Bible about God not putting more on us than we could bear. I was beginning to wonder if that was just for those people who went to church every Sunday and prayed before they went to bed at night. Because he wasn’t holding back any punches with me.

Feeling sorry for myself didn’t help me. I couldn’t do that. I had to figure this one out too. My staying with Granny Q and letting Cain help me deal with day to day life had only been temporary. I knew when I moved into her guest bedroom that I couldn’t stay long. There was too much history between Cain and me. History I didn’t intend to repeat. The time to leave was here but I was still just as clueless about where I was gonna go and what I was gonna do as I had been three weeks ago.

“I wish you were here, Momma. I don’t know what to do and I don’t have anyone to ask,” I whispered as I sat there in the quiet cemetery. I wanted to believe she could hear me. I didn’t like the idea of her being under the ground but after my twin sister, Valerie, had died I’d sat here in this spot with my mom and we’d talked to Valerie. Momma had said her spirit was watching out for us and she could hear us. I so wanted to believe that now.

“It’s just me. I miss y’all. I don’t want to be alone… but I am. And I’m scared.” The only sound was the wind rustling the leaves in the trees. “You once told me if I listened real hard I’d know the answer in my heart. I’m listening Momma, but I am so confused. Maybe you could help me out by pointing me in the right direction somehow?”

I rested my chin on my knees and closed my eyes, refusing to cry.

“Remember when you said I needed to tell Cain exactly how I felt. That I wouldn’t feel better until I had it all out. Well, I did just that today. Even if he does forgive me it’ll never be the same. I can’t keep relying on him for things anyway. It’s time I figure this out on my own. I just don’t know how.”

Just asking her made me feel better. Knowing I wouldn’t get an answer didn’t seem to matter.

A car door slammed breaking the peacefulness and I dropped my arms from my legs and turned to look back at the parking lot to see a car too expensive for this little town. Turning my eyes to see who had stepped out of it I gasped then jumped up. It was Bethy. She was here. In Sumit.In the cemetery… driving a very, very expensive looking car.

Her long brown hair was pulled over her shoulder in a ponytail. There was a smile tugging on her lips as my eyes met hers. I couldn’t move. I was afraid I was imagining things. What was Bethy doing here?

“You not having a cell phone is for the birds. How the hell am I supposed to call you and tell you I’m coming to get your ass if I have no number to call? Hmmm?” Her words made no sense but just hearing her voice sent me running the short distance between us.

Bethy laughed and opened her arms as I flung myself into them. “I can’t believe you’re here,” I said after hugging her.

“Yeah, well, me either. That was one long drive. But you’re worth it and seeing as you left the cell phone in Rosemary I had no way to talk to you.”

I wanted to tell her everything but I couldn’t. Not yet. I needed time. She knew about my dad already. She knew about Nan. But the rest… I knew she didn’t know.

“I’m so glad you’re here but how did you find me?”

Bethy grinned and tilted her head to the side. “I drove through town looking for your truck. It wasn’t that hard. This place has like one red light. If I had blinked twice I’d have missed it.”

“That car probably caught some attention coming through town,” I said glancing over at it.

“It’s Jace’s. That thing rides like a dream.”

She was still with Jace. Good. But my chest ached. Jace reminded me of Rosemary. And Rosemary reminded me of Rush.

“I’d ask you how you are but girl, you look like a walking stick figure. Have you had food since you left Rosemary?”

My clothes were all falling off me. Eating had been difficult with the large knot that stayed tight in my chest at all times. “It’s been a rough few weeks but I think I’m getting better. Moving on from things. Dealing with it.”

Bethy shifted her gaze to the grave behind me. Both of them. I could see the sadness in her eyes as she read both the headstones. “No one can take away your memories. You have those,” she said squeezing my hand in hers.

“I know. I don’t believe them. My father is a liar. I don’t believe any of them. She, my mother, she wouldn’t have done what they claim. If anyone is to blame it is my father. He caused this pain. Not my momma. Never my momma.”

Bethy nodded and held my hand firmly in hers. Just having someone listen to me and know they believed me, that they believed my mother’s innocence helped.

“Did your sister look a lot like you?”

The last memory I had of Valerie was of her smiling. That bright smile that was so much prettier than mine. Her teeth were perfect without the help of braces. Her eyes were brighter than mine. But everyone said we were identical. They didn’t see the difference. I always wondered why. I could see it so clearly.

“We were identical,” I replied. Bethy wouldn’t understand the truth.

“I can’t imagine two Blaire Wynns. Y’all must have broken hearts all over this little town.” She was trying to lighten the mood after asking about my deceased sister. I appreciated it.

“Just Valerie. I was with Cain from the time I was young. I didn’t break any hearts.”

Bethy’s eyes went a little wide then she glanced away before clearing her throat. I waited until she turned back to me. “Although seeing you is awesome and we could totally rock this town, I’m actually here for a purpose.”

I assumed she was I just couldn’t figure out what that purpose was exactly.

“Okay,” I said waiting for more of an explanation.

“Can we talk about this over a coffee?” She frowned then glanced back at the street. “Or maybe the Dairy K since that’s like the only place I saw when I drove through town.”

She wasn’t comfortable hanging out amongst the graves like I was. That was normal. I was not. “Yeah, okay,” I said and walked over to pick up my purse.

“There’s your answer,” a soft voice whispered so quietly I almost thought I’d imagined it. Turning to look back at Bethy she was smiling with her hands tucked in her front pockets.

“Did you say something?” I asked confused.

“Uh, you mean after I suggested we go to the Dairy K?” she asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Did you whisper something?”

She scrunched her nose and then glanced around nervously and shook her head. “Nope… um… why don’t we get out of here?” she said reaching for my arm and pulling me behind her back toward Jace’s car.

I looked back at my mom’s grave and a peace settled over me. Had that been…? No. Surely not. Shaking my head, I turned back around and went to get into the passenger side before Bethy threw me in.

Rush

It was my mother’s birthday. Nan had called me twice already asking me to call our mother. I couldn’t do it. She was on a beach in the Bahamas with him. This hadn’t affected her at all. Once again she’d run off to enjoy her life while leaving her kids behind to figure things out.

“Nan’s calling again. You want me to answer it and tell her to leave you the hell alone?” Grant walked into the living room holding up my cell phone in his hand while it rang.

Those two fought like actual siblings. “No, give it to me,” I replied as he tossed me the phone.

“Nan,” I said in greeting.

“Are you going to call Mother or not? She has called me twice now asking me if I talked to you and if you remembered it was her birthday. She does care about you. Stop letting that girl ruin everything, Rush. She pulled a gun on me for God’s sake. A gun, Rush. She is crazy. She—“

“Stop. Don’t say anything else. You don’t know her. You don’t want to know her. So just stop. I’m not calling Mom. The next time she calls tell her that. I don’t want to hear her voice. I don’t give a shit about her trip or what she got for her birthday.”

“Ouch,” Grant muttered as he sank down on the couch across from me and propped his legs up on the ottoman in front of him.

“I can’t believe you’d say that. I don’t understand you. She can’t be that good in—”

“Don’t Nannette. This conversation is over. Call me if you need me.”

I pressed end then slung my phone on the seat beside me and laid my head back on the cushion.

“Let’s go out. Drink a little. Dance with some girls. Forget this shit. All of it,” Grant said. He’d suggested this several times over the past three weeks. Or at least since I’d stopped breaking things and he felt it was safe enough to speak.

“No,” I replied without looking at him. There was no reason to act like I was okay. Until I knew Blaire was okay, I was never going to be okay. She may not forgive me. Hell she may never look at me again but I needed to know she was healing. I needed to know something. Anything.

“I’ve been real good about not prying. I’ve let you go crazy, roar at everything that moved and sulk. I think it’s time you told me something. What happened when you went to Alabama? Something had to have happened. You didn’t come back the same.”

I loved Grant like a brother but there was no way I was telling him about the night in the hotel room with Blaire. She’d been hurting and I’d been desperate. “I don’t want to talk about that. But I do need to get out. Stop staring at these walls and remembering her… yeah I need to get out.” I stood up and Grant jumped up from his spot on the couch. The relief in his eyes was obvious.

“What are you up for? Beer or girls or both?”

“Loud music,” I replied. I really didn’t need any beer and the girls… I just wasn’t ready for that.

“We’ll have to leave town. Maybe head to Destin?”

I threw my car keys at him. “Sure, lead the way.”

The doorbell rang stopping both of us. The last time I’d had an unexpected guest it hadn’t ended well. It very likely could be the cops coming to arrest me for bashing Cain’s face in. Oddly enough, I didn’t care. I was numb.

“I’ll get it,” Grant said, glancing at me with a concerned frown. He was thinking the same thing.

I sat back down on the sofa and propped my feet up on the coffee table in front of me. My mom hated it when I put my feet on this table. She’d bought it during one of her international shopping trips and had it shipped back here. I felt a sudden pang of guilt for not calling her but I pushed it away. My entire life I’d made that woman happy and taken care of Nan. I wasn’t doing that anymore. I was done. With all her shit.

“Jace, what’s up? We were just headed out. You want to come with?” Grant said stepping back and letting Jace walk into the house. I didn’t get up. I wanted him to leave. Seeing Jace reminded me of Bethy who then reminded me of Blaire. Jace needed to leave.

“Uh, no, I uh… I needed to talk to you about something,” Jace said, shuffling his feet and stuffing his hands in his pockets. He looked ready to bolt out the door.

“Okay,” I replied.

“Today might not be the best time to talk to him, man,” Grant said, stepping in front of Jace and focusing on me. “We were gonna head out. Let’s go. Jace can bare his soul later.”

Now I was curious. “I’m not a loose cannon, Grant. Sit down. Let him talk.”

Grant let out a sigh and shook his head. “Fine. You wanna tell him this shit now, then tell him.”

Jaceglanced over at Grant nervously then he looked back at me. He walked over and sat down on the chair furthest from me. I watched as he tucked his hair behind his ear and wondered what he had to say that was such a big deal.

“Bethy and I are getting kinda serious,” he started. I already knew this. I didn’t care. I felt the pain crack open my chest and I clenched my fists.I had to concentrate on forcing air into my lungs. Bethy had been Blaire’s friend. She’d know how Blaire was. “And uh… well Bethy’s rent went up and that place was shitty anyway. I didn’t feel safe with her staying there. So, I talked to Woods and he said that his dad had a two bedroom condo available if I wanted to rent that. I uh, got it for her and paid the deposit and everything. But when I took her to see it she got pissed. Big time pissed. She didn’t want me to pay her rent. She said it made her feel cheap.” He sighed and the apologetic look in his eyes still made no sense. I didn’t care about his fight with Bethy.

“It’s twice as much… or, at least, Bethy thinks it is twice as much as her last place. It is actually four times as much as her last place. I swore Woods to secrecy. I’m paying the other portion without her knowing. Anyway. She, uh… she… took off to Alabama today. She loves the condo. She wants to live on the club property and on the beach. But the only person she would even consider having as a roommate is… Blaire.”

I stood up. I couldn’t sit.

“Whoa man… sit down.” Grant jumped up and I waved him off.

“I’m not mad. I just need to breathe,” I said, staring out the glass doors at the waves crashing against the shore. Bethy had gone to get Blaire. My heart was racing. Would she come?

“I know the two of you had a bad end. I asked her not to but she got real mad and I don’t like to upset her. She said she missed Blaire and that Blaire needed someone. She, uh, also talked to Woods about giving Blaire back her job if she can get Blaire to come back.”

Blaire.Coming back…

She wouldn’t come back. She hated me. She hated Nan. She hated my mom. She hated her father. She wouldn’t come back here… but God, I wanted her to. I turned my head and looked at Jace.

“She won’t come back,” I said. The pain in my voice was undeniable. I didn’t care about hiding it. Not anymore.

Jace shrugged.

“She may have had enough time to deal with things. What if she does come back? What will you do?” Grant asked me.

What would I do?

I’d beg.

Blaire

Bethy pulled Jace’s car into the parking lot of the Dairy K. I noticed Callie’s little blue Volkswagen and decided against getting out of the car. I’d only seen Callie twice since I returned and she’d been ready to claw my eyes out. She’d had her sights on Cain since high school. I’d come home and messed up whatever kind of relationship they’d finally managed to have. I hadn’t meant to. She could have Cain.

Bethy started to get out of the car and I grabbed her arm. “Let’s just talk in the car,” I said, stopping her.

“But I want some ice cream mixed with Oreos,” she complained.

“I can’t talk in there. I know too many people,” I explained.

Bethy sighed and leaned back in her seat. “Okay fine. My ass doesn’t need any ice cream and cookies anyway.”

I smiled and relaxed, thankful for the dark tinted windows. Knowing I wasn’t on display as people stopped and stared at Jace’s car. No one around here drove cars even close to this one’s league.

“I’m not gonna beat around the bush with this, Blaire. I miss you. I’ve never had a close girlfriend before. Ever. Then you came along and then you left. I hate you being gone. Work sucks without you there. I have no one to tell about my sex life with Jace and how sweet he’s being which is something I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t listened to you. I just miss you.”

I felt tears sting my eyes. Just being missed felt good. I missed her too. I missed a lot of things. “I miss you too,” I replied, hoping I didn’t get all weepy.

Bethy nodded and a smile tugged on her lips. “Okay good. Because I need you to come back and live with me.Jace got me a waterfront condo on the club’s property. I, however, refuse to let him pay for it. So I need a roommate. Please come back. I need you. And Woods said you’d have your job back immediately.”

Go back to Rosemary? Where Rush was… and Nan… and my dad. I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t see them. They’d be at the club. Would my dad take Nan to play golf? Could I see that? No. I couldn’t. It would be too much.

“I can’t,” I choked out. I wished I could. I didn’t know where I was going to go now that I knew I was pregnant but I couldn’t go to Rosemary and I couldn’t stay here.

“Please, Blaire. He misses you too. He never leaves his house. Jace said he’s pitiful.”

The angry wound in my chest flared to life. Knowing Rush was hurting too was hard. I’d imagined him having his house parties and moving on. I didn’t want him to still be sad. I just needed for us to move on. But maybe I never would. I’d always have a reminder of Rush.

“I can’t see them. Any of them. It would be too hard,” I stopped. I couldn’t tell Bethy about my pregnancy. I had hardly had time to comprehend it. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. I might never tell anyone other than Cain. I would be leaving here soon enough. Where I went I wouldn’t know anyone. I’d be starting over.

“Your… uh Dad and Georgianna aren’t there. They left. Nan is but she is quieter now. I think she’s worried about Rush. It would be hard at first but after you ripped the bandage off you’d get over them. Over everything. Besides, the way Woods’ eyes lit up when I mentioned you coming back you could distract yourself with him. He is more than interested.”

I didn’t want Woods. And nothing would distract me. Bethy didn’t know everything. I couldn’t tell her that either. Not today.

“As much as I want to… I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

I was sorry. Moving in with Bethy and getting my job back at the club would be the answer to my problems, almost.

Bethy let out a frustrated sigh and laid her head back on the seat and closed her eyes. “Okay. I get it. I don’t like it but I get it.”

I reached over and squeezed her hand tightly. I wished things were different. If Rush were just some guy I had broken up with it would be. But he wasn’t. He never would be. He was more. Much more than she could understand.

Bethy squeezed my hand back. “I’m going to let this go for today. But I’m not looking for another roommate right away. I’m giving you a week to think about this. Then I have to find someone to help me pay the bills. So will you? Think about it?”

I nodded because I knew that was what she needed even if I knew her waiting was pointless.

“Good. I’ll just go home and pray if God even remembers who the hell I am.” She winked at me and then reached across the seat to hug me.

“Eat some food for me, okay? You’re getting too skinny,” she said.

“Okay,” I replied, wondering if that were going to be possible.

Bethy sat back. “Well, if you aren’t gonna pack up and head back to Rosemary with me then at least let’s go out. I need to stay the night before I do that drive again. We can go find some fun somewhere and then crash at a hotel.”

I nodded. “Yes. That sounds good. Just no honky-tonks.” I couldn’t walk into another one of those. At least not this soon.

Bethy frowned. “Okay… but is there anything else in this state?”

She had a point. “Yeah… we can drive into Birmingham. It’s the closest big city.”

“Perfect. Let’s go have some fun.”

When we pulled into the driveway at Granny Q’s she was sitting outside on the porch shelling peas. I didn’t want to face her but she had given me a roof over my head for three weeks with no strings attached. She deserved an explanation if she wanted one. I wasn’t sure Cain had told her anything. His truck wasn’t here and I was immensely grateful.

“Want me to stay in the car?” Bethy asked. It would be easier if she did but Granny Q would see her and call me out for being rude if I didn’t let my friend come inside.

“You can come with me,” I told her and opened the car door.

Bethy walked around the front of the car and fell into step beside me. Granny Q hadn’t looked up from her peas yet but I knew she’d heard us. She was thinking about what she was going to say. Cain must have told her. Dang it.

I looked over at her as she continued to shell those peas in silence. Her short white bobbed hair was all I could see of her. No eye contact. It would be so much easier to just go inside and take advantage of her not speaking to me. But this was her home. If she didn’t want me here I needed to pack up and leave.

“Hey, Granny Q,” I said and stopped, waiting for her to lift her head to look at me.

Silence. She was upset with me. Disappointed or mad; I wasn’t sure which. I hated Cain right now for telling her. Couldn’t he keep his mouth shut?

“This is my friend Bethy. She came to visit me today,” I continued.

Granny Q finally raised her head and gave Bethy a smile then turned her eyes on me. “You take her on in and fix her a nice big glass of iced tea and give her one of them fried pies I got cooling on the table. Then you come on back out here and talk to me a minute, hmmm.” This wasn’t a request; it was a subtle demand. I nodded and led Bethy inside.

“Did you piss off the old lady?” Bethy whispered when we were safely inside.

I shrugged. I wasn’t sure. “Don’t know just yet,” I replied.

I went to the cabinet and got a tall glass down and went to fixing Bethy a glass of iced tea. I didn’t even ask her if she wanted it. I was just trying to do what Granny Q had said.

“Here. Drink this and eat a fried pie. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said and hurried back outside. I needed to get this over with.

Blaire

The wooden planks cracked under my feet as I stepped back onto the front porch of Granny Q’s house. I let the screen door close behind me with a loud bang before remembering it was old and its springs were long ago rusted. I’d spent many days of my childhood on this front porch shelling peas with Cain and Granny Q. I didn’t want her upset with me. My stomach twisted.

“Sit down girl and stop looking like you’re ready to cry. God knows I love ya like you’re my own. Thought you would be one day.” She shook her head. “Stupid boy couldn’t get it together. I hoped he’d wake up ‘fore it was too late. But he didn’t, did he? You done gone and found ya someone else.”

This had not been what I was expecting. I took the seat across from her and began shelling peas so I wouldn’t have to look at her. “Cain and I were over three years ago. Nothing that is happening now is affecting that. He is my friend, that’s all.”

Granny Q made ahmph sound and shifted in the porch swing she was sitting in. “I don’t believe that. You two wereinseparable as kids. Even as a boy he couldn’t keep his eyes off you. It was funny to watch how much he adored you and didn’t even realize it himself. But boys hit them teenage years and lose their ever loving minds. I hate he did. I hate he lost you, girl. ‘Cause there won’t be another Blaire for Cain. You were it for him.”

She hadn’t mentioned my pregnancy tests. Did she even know I’d bought them? I didn’t want to recap my past with Cain. Sure we had history but there was so much sadness and regret that I didn’t want to go there. I’d been living in a lie my father had constructed then. Remembering it hurt. “Has Cain come by here today?” I asked.

“Yeah. He came by this morning looking for ya. I told him you’d not come back home from your early escape. He looked worried and turned and left without telling me anythin’ else. He’d been crying though. Don’t reckon I’ve ever seen him cry before. Least not since he was a boy.”

He’d been crying? I closed my eyes and dropped the peas into the large plastic bucket Granny Q was using. Cain wasn’t supposed to be upset. He wasn’t supposed to cry. He’d let me go a long time ago. Why was this so hard on him? “How long ago was that?” I asked, thinking about the hours that had passed since I’d bared my soul to him in the parking lot of the pharmacy.

“Ah, ‘bout nine hours ago I’d guess. It was early. He was a mess, girl. At least go find him and talk to him. No matter how you feel about him now he needs to hear from you that things are okay.”

I nodded. “Can I use your phone?” I asked, standing up.

“Of course you can. Eat you one of them fried pies while you’re in there. I made enough for an army after he ran off this morning. They’re his favorite flavor,” she said.

“Cherry,” I replied and she gave me a smile. I could see so many things in those eyes of hers. I knew Cain. Nothing about him surprised me. I understood him. We had a past. I loved his family and they obviously loved me too. This was safe.

Bethy was standing on the other side of the door sipping her glass of sweet tea and holding her phone out to me. She’d been listening. I wasn’t surprised.

“Call the boy. Get this over with,” she said.

I took her phone and walked into the living room to give myself some privacy before dialing Cain’s number. I knew it by heart. He’d had the same number since he got his first cell phone when we were sixteen.

“Hello,” came his reply. I could hear the hesitation in his voice. Something was off. He sounded like he was talking through his nose.

“Cain? Are you okay?” I asked suddenly worried about him.

There was a pause then a long sigh. “Blaire. Yeah… I’m fine.”

“Where are you?”

He cleared his throat. “I, uh… I’m in Rosemary Beach.”

He was in Rosemary? What? I sank down on the sofa behind me and gripped the phone tighter. Was he telling Rush? My heart slammed against my chest and I closed my eyes tightly before asking, “Why are in you in Rosemary? Please tell me you didn’t…” I couldn’t say it. Not with Bethy in the other room and more than likely listening to me.

“I needed to see his face. I needed to see if he loved you. I needed to know… because, I just needed to know.” That made no sense.

“What did you say to him? How did you find him? Did you find him?” Maybe he hadn’t found him. Maybe I could stop this.

There was a hard chuckle on the other end of the line. “Yeah, I found him alright. Ain’t real hard. This place is small and everyone knows where the rock star’s son lives.”

Oh god, oh god, oh god... “What did you say to him?” I asked slowly as horror washed over me.

“I didn’t tell him. I wouldn’t do that to you. Give me some damn credit. I cheated on you because I was a horny ass teenage boy but dammit Blaire when are you gonna forgive me? Will I pay for that mistake the rest of my life? I’m sorry! GOD I’m so fucking sorry. I would go back and change everything if I could.” He stopped and made a grunt that sounded like he was hurting.

“Cain. What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?” I asked. I didn’t want to acknowledge what he’d said. I knew he was sorry. I was too. But no, I was never going to get over it. Forgiving was one thing. Forgetting was another.

“I’m fine. I’m just a little battered. Let’s just say the guy isn’t crazy about me, okay.”

The guy. Rush? Had Rush hurt him? That didn’t sound like Rush at all. “What guy?”

Cain sighed, “Rush.”

My jaw fell open as I stared straight ahead. Rush had hurt Cain? “I don’t understand.”

“It’s okay. I got a room for the night and I’m sleeping this off. I’ll be home tomorrow. We have some things to talk about.”

“Cain. Why did Rush hurt you?”

Another pause and then a weary sigh. “Because I asked questions that he didn’t think were my business. I’ll be home tomorrow.”

He asked questions. What kind of questions?

“Blaire, you don’t have to tell him. I’ll take care of you. Just… we need to talk.”

He’d take care of me? What was he talking about? I wasn’t going to let him take care of me. “Where are you exactly?” I asked.

“Some hotel just outside of Rosemary. They think their shit don’t stink in that town. Everything there costs five times too much.”

“Okay. Stay in bed and I’ll see you tomorrow.” I replied then hung up.

Bethy stepped into the room. She cocked one of her dark eyebrows as she stared at me waiting. She’d been listening. I’dknown she would.

“I need a ride to Rosemary,” I told her standing up. I couldn’t let Cain lay hurt in a hotel room and I couldn’t chance that he’d go back and try to talk to Rush again. If Bethy could drive me there I could check on him and then drive him home.

Bethy nodded and a small smile tugged on her lips. I could tell she didn’t want me to see how happy she was to hear this. I wasn’t staying. She didn’t need to get her hopes up. “This is just about Cain. I’m not… I can’t stay there.”

She didn’t appear to believe me. “Sure. I know.”

I wasn’t in the mood to convince her. I handed her the phone and headed back to my temporary bedroom to pack some things.

Rush

Grant had finally given up on me and gone to dance with one of the girls who had been flirting with us since we walked into the club. He’d come here for some fun and I’d needed the distraction but now that I was here I just wanted to leave. Taking a drink of my beer I tried not to make eye contact with anyone. I kept my head down and a scowl on my face. It wasn’t hard to do.

Jace’s words kept replaying in my head. I was scared… No; I was terrified to let myself believe that she’d come back here. I’d seen her face that night in the hotel room. She was empty. The emotion in her eyes was gone. She had been finished- with me, with her father, with everything. Love was cruel. So fucking cruel.

The bar stool beside me scraped across the floor as it was moved back. I didn’t look over at it. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me.

“Please tell me that ugly scowl on your pretty face isn’t over a girl. You might break my heart.” The smooth female voice was familiar.

I tilted my head to the side just enough to see her face. Although she was older now I recognized her immediately. There are some things a guy doesn’t forget in life and the girl who takes his virginity is one of them. Meg Carter. She’d been three years older than me and visiting her grandmother the summer I turned fourteen. It hadn’t been a love connection. More like a life lesson.

“Meg,” I replied, relieved it wasn’t another unknown female here to throw herself at me.

“And he remembers my name. I’m impressed,” she replied then looked up at the bartender and smiled. “Jack and Coke please.”

“Guy doesn’t forget his first.”

She shifted on her stool, crossing her legs and tilting her head to look at me causing her long dark hair to fall over one shoulder. She still wore it long. I’d been fascinated with it back then.

“Most guys don’t but you’ve led a different life compared to most guys. The fame has to have changed you over the years.”

“My dad’s famous not me,” I snapped, hating it when females wanted to talk about something they knew nothing about. Meg and I had fucked a few times but she didn’t really know much about me back then.

“Hmmm, whatever. So, why you so glum?”

I wasn’t glum. I was a broken mess. But she wasn’t someone I intended to unload on. “I’m good,” I replied and glanced back at the dance floor hoping to catch Grant’s attention. I was ready to go.

“You look like you’ve got a broken heart from hell and don’t know what to do with it,” she said reaching for her Jack and Coke.

“I’m not gonna talk to you about my personal life, Meg.” I let the warning edge in my voice ring through loud and clear.

“Whoa there, handsome. I wasn’t trying to piss you off. Just making small talk.”

My personal life wasn’t small talk. “Then ask me about the fucking weather,” I said with a snarl.

She didn’t respond and I was glad. Maybe she’d move on. Leave me alone.

“I’m in town taking care of my Grans. She’s sick and I needed something new to do with my life. I just went through a messy divorce. A change of scenery from Chicago was what I needed. I’ll be here for at least six months. Do you think you’ll be ornery the entire time I’m here or are you gonna get nicer anytime in the near future?”

She wanted to see me. No. I wasn’t ready for that. I started to reply when my phone alerted me of a text message. Relieved to have an interruption so I could think about how I was going to respond to her I pulled it out of my pocket.

The number wasn’t one I recognized. But the “Hey It’s Bethy” caught my attention and I stopped breathing as I opened the text to read the entire thing.

Hey it’s Bethy. If you aren’t a stupid fuck then you’ll wake up and get with the program.

What the hell did that mean? What was I missing? Was Blaire in Rosemary? Is that what this meant?I stood up and put enough money on the bar to cover my beer and Meg’s drink. “I gotta go. It was nice to see you. Take care,” I said as an after thought as I stalked through the crowd until I found Grant having dry humping on the dance floor with some redhead.

His eyes met mine and I nodded at the door. “Now,” I said and turned to head outside. I was leaving him here if he hadn’t caught up with me by the time I reached my Range Rover. She could be here. I was going to find out. Asking Bethy what she meant by that jacked up text was pointless.

Blaire

I reached over and nudged Bethy’s leg to wake her up. She’d been asleep for the past two hours. We were just outside of Rosemary Beach and I needed her to drive so I could look for Cain’s truck at all the inexpensive motels.

“We there?” she mumbled sleepily and sat up in her seat.

“Almost. I need you to drive. I gotta look for Cain’s truck.”

Bethy let out a weary sigh. I knew she was only doing this in hopes of getting me to Rosemary and keeping me there. She could care less about finding Cain. But I’d needed a ride. I was going to drive Cain home. And he and I were going to talk. He had no business coming out here to see Rush. I only hoped he hadn’t told him about what he’d caught me buying.

It wasn’t that I wanted to keep it a secret from Rush. It was just that I hadn’t let everything sink in yet. I needed to process it. Figure out what I wanted to do. Then I’d contact Rush. Cain going after him like a crazy person was not what I wanted. I still couldn’t believe he’d done it.

“Pull over here. I need to run in and grab me a latte first,” Bethy instructed. I did as she asked and parked the car in front of Starbucks.

“You want something?” Bethy asked as she opened the door. I wasn’t sure that caffeine was good for the… for the baby. I shook my head and waited until she got out of the car before I let out the sob in my chest I hadn’t been expecting. I hadn’t thought about what those two pink stripes meant. A baby. Rush’s baby. Oh, God.

I stepped out of the car and walked around the front to get into the passenger side. By the time I was back in the car and buckled up Bethy was headed back to the car. She looked a little more awake already. I pushed thoughts of my baby back and focused on finding Cain. I could dwell on my future, on my baby’s future later.

“Okay. I have caffeine. I’m ready to find this dude.”

I didn’t correct her. I knew she knew his name by now. I’d used it several times. She was just refusing to acknowledge it. This was her form of rebellion. Cain represented Sumit and she didn’t want me in Sumit. Instead of aggravating me it warmed me. She wanted me with her and it felt nice.

“He left Rosemary because of the price of hotel rooms. So, he’s somewhere affordable. Can you take me to a few of those?” I asked.

She nodded but she didn’t look at me. She was texting. Great. I needed her to focus and she was more than likely telling Jace we were almost there. I didn’t really want Jace to know anything.

We drove around for thirty minutes with me checking parking lots at all of the cheap motels in town. This was getting frustrating. He had to be here somewhere. “Can I use your phone? I’m gonna call him again and let him know I’m here looking for him. He’ll tell me where he is when he knows I’ve driven all this way.”

Bethy handed me her phone and I quickly dialed Cain’s number. It rang twice.

“Hello?”

“Cain. It’s me. Where are you? I’m just outside of Rosemary and I can’t find your truck anywhere.”

There was silence, then “Dammit.”

“Don’t get all mad. I needed to check on you. I came out here to drive you home.” I knew he’d be frustrated that I came this close to Rosemary again.

“I told you I’d be home once I slept it off, Blaire. Whycouldn’t you have stayed put?” The aggravation in his voice annoyed me. You would think he wasn’t happy I’d come to check on him.

“Where are you, Cain?” I asked again. Then I heard it. A female voice in the background. The phone became muffled. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Cain was with a female and he was trying to hide it from me. This pissed me off. Not because I thought Cain and I had a chance but because he’d let me think he was hurt and alone in a strange city. Asshole.

“Listen. I don’t have time for more of your stupid ass games, Cain. I’ve been there, done that. Next time, could you not make it sound like you need me when it’s obvious you don’t.”

“Blaire, no. Listen to me. It isn’t what you think. I couldn’t sleep after you called so I got back in the truck and headed back home. I wanted to see you.”

A girl’s angry scream came from the other side of the phone. He was pissing off whoeverwas with him. The boy was an idiot.

“Go make your company feel better. I don’t need an explanation. I don’t need anything from you. I never did.”

“BLAIRE! NO! I love you, baby. I love you so much. Please listen to me,” he begged and the girl with him got more hysterical. “Shut up Callie!” he roared and I knew then he was back in Sumit. He was with Callie.

“You went to Callie? You came home so I wouldn’t worry and went to see Callie? You’re ridiculous, Cain. For real? This doesn’t hurt me. You can’t hurt me anymore. But stop and think about others’ feelings for a change. You keep jerking Callie around and it’s wrong. Stop thinking with your penis and grow up.”

I pressed end and handed Bethy back her phone. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. “He went back to Sumit,” I said in way of explanation.

“Yeah… I got that part,” Bethy said slowly. She was waiting for more. She deserved more. She’d brought me back here. She was also the only real friend I had. Cain wasn’t a friend. Not really. A real friend wouldn’t keep doing stupid stuff like he did.

“Can I sleep at your place tonight? I don’t think I’m going back there. I was leaving soon anyway. I’ll figure out where I’m going tomorrow and then when I get there I’ll have Granny Q ship the rest of my things. It isn’t like I have that much anyway. My truck is headed to the graveyard. It would never make the trip again.”

Bethy nodded and cranked up the car then pulled out onto the road. “You can stay with me as long as you need. Or longer,” she replied.

“Thank you,” I said before laying my head back on the seat and taking a deep breath. What was I going to do now?

The smell of bacon got thicker and thicker the more I inhaled. It was as if bacon was taking over my senses. My throat constricted. My stomach rolled from the rich smell of it. The grease sizzled somewhere in the distance. Before I could completely get my eyes open my feet were on the floor and I was running to the bathroom.

Luckily Bethy’s apartment wasn’t big and I didn’t have far to run.

“Blaire?” Bethy’s voice called from the kitchen but I couldn’t stop.

Dropping to my knees in front of the toilet I gripped the porcelain seat with both hands and began throwing up everything in my stomach until nothing but dry heaves wracked my body. Everytime I thought I was finished I’d smell the bacon grease mixed with my vomit and it would begin again.

I was so weak my body trembled as I tried to vomit and nothing else would come up. A cold washcloth was in my face and Bethy was standing over me flushing the toilet and then leaning me back against the wall.

I held the cloth over my nose to block out the smell. Bethy noticed and closed the bathroom door behind her. After she turned on the fan she put her hands on her hips and stared down at me. The disbelief on her face confused me. I got sick. What was so strange about that?

“Bacon? The smell of bacon made you hurl?” She shook her head, still staring at me as if she couldn’t believe it. “And you weren’t gonna tell me, were you? You were just gonna put your crazy ass on some damn bus and ride away. All by yourself. I can’t believe you, Blaire. What happened to the smart girl that taught me not to let a man use me? Hmmm? Where the hell did she go? ‘Cause your plan here sucks.Like bad. You can’t just run off. You have friends here. You’re gonna need friends… and I’d hope that you intended to tell Rush about this too. I know you well enough to know that this is his baby.”

How did she know? I just threw up. Lots of people get viruses. “It’s a virus,” I muttered.

“Don’t lie to me. It was the bacon, Blaire. You were sleeping so peacefully on the couch and the minute I started cooking the bacon you started making weird noises and tossing and turning. Then you shot off like a bullet to puke your guts out. Not rocket science baby. Get that shocked look off your face.”

I couldn’t lie to her. She was my friend. Possibly my only one now. I pulled my knees up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. This was my way of holding myself together. When I felt like the world was breaking around me and I couldn’t control it I always held together this way.

“That’s why Cain came here. He caught me buying pregnancy tests yesterday. I know that’s why he came here. To ask Rush… to ask about the relationship between Rush and me.It’s something I refused to talk to Cain about. I didn’t want to talk about Rush at all. Then I was late. Two weeks late. I thought I’d buy a couple of tests and it would come back negative and everything would be okay.” I stopped my explanation and rested my cheek against my knees.

“The tests… they were positive?” Bethy asked.

I nodded but didn’t look up at her.

“Were you gonna tell Rush? Or were you really gonna just run off?”

What would Rush do? His sister hated me. His mother hated me. They hated my mother. And I hated my father. For Rush to be a part of this baby’s life he’d have to give them up. I couldn’t ask him to give up his mom and sister. Even if they were evil. He loved them. And he wouldn’t give up Nan. I’d already learned that when it came to me or Nan, he’d choose Nan. He had up until the end. When I’d found out everything. He’d kept her secret. He’d chosen her.

“I can’t tell him,” I said quietly.

“Why is that exactly? Because he’d want to know and his ass needs to be a man and be there for you. This running off shit is stupid.”

She didn’t know everything. She only knew bits and pieces. It had been Nan’s story to tell and no one else’s in Rush’s eyes. But I disagreed. It was my story too. Nan still had both her parents and her brother. I had no one. My mother was dead. My sister was dead. And my father might as well be dead. So this story was just as much mine as it was hers. Maybe more so.

I lifted my head and looked up at Bethy. She was my one friend in the world and if I was going to tell this story then she was who I wanted to tell it to.

Rush

It had been three weeks, four days and twelve hours since I’d seen her. Since she’d torn my heart out. If I had been drinking, I’d blame it on the alcohol. It had to be an illusion, a desperate one. But I hadn’t been drinking. Not a drop. There was no mistaking Blaire. It was her. She was actually here.Blaire was back in Rosemary. She was at my house.

I’d spent five hours last night driving all over the damn place searching for Bethy hoping she’d lead me to Blaire. But I hadn’t found either of them. Coming home and admitting defeat had been painful. I had convinced myself Bethy was still in Sumit with Blaire. That maybe the text from Bethy had been a drunken text and nothing more.

I soaked in the sight of her. She was thinner and I didn’t like it. Was she not eating? Had she been sick?

“Hello, Rush,” she said, breaking the silence. The sound of her voice almost sent me to my knees. God, I’d missed her voice.

“Blaire,” I managed to say, terrified that I’d scare her away just by speaking.

She reached up and wrapped a strand of her hair around her finger and tugged on it. She was nervous. I didn’t like that I was making her nervous. But what could I do to make this easier? “Can we talk?” she asked softly.

“Yeah.” I stepped back to let her in. “Come inside.”

She paused and glanced past me toward the house. The fear and pain flashing in her eyes had me silently cursing myself. She’d been hurt here. Her world had been destroyed in my house. Dammit. I didn’t want her to feel this way about my house. Not when there were good memories here too.

“Are you alone?” she asked. Her eyes shifted back to me.

She didn’t want to see my mom or her dad. I got it now. It wasn’t the house. “I forced them to leave the day you left,” I replied, watching her carefully.

Her eyes went wide. Why did this surprise her? Didn’t she get it? She came first. I’d told her as much in that hotel room. “Oh. I didn’t know…” she trailed off. We both knew she didn’t know because she’d cut me from her life.

“It’s just me. Except for Grant’s occasional visits, it’s always just me.” She needed to know I hadn’t moved on. I wasn’t moving on.

Blaire walked into the house and I clenched my hands into fists as her familiar sweet scent followed her. So many nights I’d sat here and dreamed of seeing her walk back into my life. My world.

“Can I get you something to drink?” I asked, thinking how I really wanted to beg her to talk to me. To stay with me.To forgive me.

Blaire shook her head and turned around to look at me. “No. I’m good. I… I just… I was in town and well…” She scrunched her nose and I fought the urge to reach over and touch her face. “Did you hit Cain?”

Cain. Shit. She knew about Cain. Was she here to talk about Cain? “He asked things he shouldn’t have. Said things he shouldn’t have,” I replied through my clenched teeth.

Blaire sighed. “I can only imagine,” she mumbled and shook her head. “I’m sorry he came here. He doesn’t think things through. He just acts on impulse.” She wasn’t defending him. She was apologizing for him. That wasn’t her job. The stupid fucker wasn’t her responsibility or her fault.

“Don’t apologize for him, Blaire. It makes me want to hunt his ass down,” I growled, unable to control my reaction.

“It’s my fault he was here, Rush. That’s why I’m apologizing. I upset him and he assumed it was all because of you so he came running here before talking things out with me.”

Talking things out with her? What the fuck did Cain need to talk out with her? “He needs to back off. If he so much as —

“Rush. Calm down. We are old friends. Nothing more. I told him some things I’ve needed to say for a long time. He didn’t like it. I was cruel but I needed to say them. I was tired of protecting his feelings. He pushed me too far. That’s all it was.”

I took a deep breath but the pounding in my head had gotten louder.

“Did you come to see him?” I needed to know if that was why she was here. If this had nothing to do with me my heart needed to deal with it.

Blaire walked over toward the steps instead of going into the living room. I noticed it. I understood. She might have come in my house but she couldn’t walk in there and face things. Not yet. Maybe never. “He may have been my excuse to get into the car with Bethy,” she paused and let out a sigh, “but he was gone when I got here. I stayed for other reasons. I… I need to talk to you.”

She’d come here to talk to me. Had it been enough time? I used every ounce of will power I possessed to stand still and not go pull her into my arms. I didn’t care what she had to say. The fact she wanted to see me was enough. “I’m glad you came,” I said simply.

The small frown was back and Blaire wouldn’t look directly at me. “Things are still the same. I haven’t been able to let it go. I’ll never be able to trust you. Even… even if I want to. I can’t.”

What the fuck did that mean? The pounding in my ears grew stronger.

“I’m leaving Sumit. I can’t stay there. I’ve got to make it on my own.”

What? “Are you moving in with Bethy?” I asked, wondering if I was still asleep and this was a dream.

“No. I wasn’t going to. But this morning I talked with Bethy and I thought maybe if I saw you and talked to you and faced… this I’d be able to stay with her for a while. It wouldn’t be permanent; I’ll leave in a couple months. Just until I have time to decide where I am going to go next.”

She was still planning on leaving. I needed to change that. I had a couple of months if she stayed here. For the first time since she’d told me to leave the hotel room I had hope. “I think that’s smart. No reason to make a rash decision when you have an option right here.” She could stay in my house for free. In my bed.With me. But I couldn’t offer that. She’d never agree.

Blaire

“I’ll be working at the club. We’ll… uh… see each other on occasion. I’d get a job somewhere else but I need the money the club pays.” I was explaining this to myself as much as I was explaining it to Rush. I hadn’t been sure exactly what I was going to say when I showed up here. I just knew I had to face him. At first Bethy had begged me to tell him about the pregnancy. However, after she’d heard exactly what happened with my father and Nan and her mother that day she hadn’t been as Team Rush as before. She agreed that there was no need to tell him anything right away.

Working up enough nerve to drive back to this house after the way I’d left only three and a half weeks ago had been hard. The hope that my heart wouldn’t react when I saw Rush’s face had been futile. My chest had constricted so badly it had been a wonder I could breathe. Much less speak. I was pregnant with his baby… our baby. But the lies. The deceit. Who he was. All of that kept me from saying the words that he deserved to hear. I couldn’t. It was wrong. I was being selfish. I knew it. That didn’t change anything. The baby I was carrying might never know him. I couldn’t let the way I felt about him cloud my decisions for my future… or my baby’s future. My father, his mother and his sister would never be a part of my baby’s life. I wouldn’t allow it. I couldn’t.

“Of course. Yeah, working at the club is good money.” He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. “Blaire, nothing has changed. Not for me. You don’t need my permission.This is exactly what I want. Having you here again. Seeing your face. God, baby, I can’t do this. I can’t pretend I’m not fucking thrilled you’re standing in my house right now.”

I couldn’t look at him. Not now. I hadn’t been expecting him to say any of those things. The stilted nervous conversation was more of what I expected. It was what I wanted. My heart couldn’t take anything else. “I need to go, Rush. I can’t, I just wanted to make sure you were good with me being in town. I’ll keep my distance.”

Rush moved so fast I didn’t realize it until he was standing between me and the door. “I’m sorry. I was trying to be cool. I was trying to be careful but I cracked. I’ll do better. I promise. Go to Bethy’s. Forget what I just said. I’ll be good. I promise. Just… just don’t leave. Please.”

What did I say to that? He’d managed to make me want to comfort him. To apologize to him. He was lethal to my emotions and good sense. Distance. We needed distance. I nodded and stepped around him. “I’ll… uh… probably see you around.” I managed to croak out before opening the door and stepping outside the house.

I didn’t look back but I knew he was watching me leave. It was the only reason I didn’t break out into a run. Space… we needed space. And I needed to cry.

~*~

It was as if he had known I was coming. I’d already decided to go straight to the dining room and look for Jimmy. I figured Jimmy would know where to find Woods. But Woods had been waiting on me at the door when I opened the back entrance to the clubhouse.

“And she returns. Honestly didn’t think you would,” Woods drawled as the door closed behind me.

“For a little while maybe,” I replied.

Woods winked at me then nodded his head toward the hall that led down to his office. “Let’s go talk.”

“Okay,” I said as I followed him.

“Bethy’s already called me twice today. Wanting to know if I’d seen you yet. Making sure you got your job back,” Woods said as he opened his office door and held it so that I could walk inside. “What I didn’t expect though was the call I just received about ten minutes ago. It surprised me. From the way you bolted out of here three weeks ago and left Rush all high and dry, I didn’t expect him to call me on your behalf. Not that he needed to, mind you. I’d already agreed that you could have your job back.”

I stopped and looked back at him. Had I just heard him correctly? “Rush?” I asked, almost afraid I’d hallucinated that comment.

Woods closed his door and walked over to stand in front of his desk. He leaned back against the expensive looking shiny wood and crossed his arms over his chest. The smile he’d had when I arrived was gone. He looked more concerned now. “Yes, Rush. I know that the truth came out. Jace has told me some of it. What he knows at least. But then I already knew who you were. Or who Rush and Nan thought you were. I warned you he’d choose her. He was already choosing her when I gave you that warning. Do you really want to come back to all of this? Is Alabama that bad?

No. Alabama wasn’t that bad. Being a single pregnant nineteen year old with no family was bad though. That however was not something I was going to share with Woods. “Coming back here isn’t exactly easy. Seeing… them, won’t be easy either. But I need to figure out what I’m going to do. Where I’m going to go. There is nothing left for me in Alabama. I can’t stay there and pretend that there is. It’s time I found a new life. And Bethy is the only friend I have. My options for places to go are a little limited.”

Woods eyebrows shot up. “Ouch. What am I? Here I thought we were friends.”

Smiling, I walked over and stood behind the chair across from him. “We are but well… not close friends.”

“Not because I didn’t try my damnedest.”

A small laugh bubbled up and Woods grinned. “That’s nice to hear. I missed it.”

Maybe coming back wouldn’t be so hard.

“You can have your job. It’s yours. I’ve had shit for cart girls and Jimmy is still sulking. He doesn’t play well with the other servers. He misses you too.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “I appreciate it. I want to be honest with you though. In four months, I intend to leave. I can’t stay here forever. I’ve…”

“You have a life to get to. Yeah, I heard you. Rosemary isn’t where you intend to put down your roots. I got it. For whatever length of time, you got the job.”

Rush

I knocked once before opening the door to Nan’s condo and walking in. Her car was parked outside. I knew she was here. I just wanted to make sure she knew I was here. I’d made the mistake once of not knocking and had seen my little sister straddling a guy’s lap.I had wanted to pour bleach in my eyes and brain after that experience.

“Nan, it’s me. We need to talk.” I called out then closed the door behind me. I stepped into the living room and the sound of more than one hushed voice and footsteps coming from the master bedroom almost made me turn around and leave. But I wasn’t going to. This was more important. Her sleepover guest needed to go on home now anyway. It was after eleven.

Her bedroom door opened and closed. Interesting. Whoever was here was staying. We’d need to step outside on the balcony to talk. I wasn’t discussing Blaire in front of anyone else. I probably knew the guy in that room. It would be the only reason she would keep him hidden in there.

“Ever heard of calling before you come over?” Nan snapped as she walked into the living room dressed in a short silk wrap. She looked more and more like our mother the older she got.

“It’s almost lunch, Nan. You can’t keep the man in bed all day,” I replied and opened the doors that led out onto the balcony overlooking the gulf. “I need to talk to you and I don’t want to do it where your bedroom buddy can hear us.”

Nan rolled her eyes and stepped outside. “I find it odd that I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me for weeks and now that you want to talk you come barging over like I have no life. At least I call you first.” She was starting to sound like our mother too.

“I own this condo, Nan. I can come in any damn time I want to,” I reminded her. She would be leaving here in mid August to head back to her sorority house and her still undecided major. College was a social function for her. She knew I’d pay her bills and tuition. I’d always taken care of everything for her.

“Snarky much. What is this about? I haven’t had my coffee yet.” She also wasn’t afraid of me. I didn’t want her to be but it was time she grew up. I wasn’t going to let her send Blaire running. In a month, Nan would be gone. Normally I would be too. Not this year. I’d be keeping my residence at Rosemary. Mother would have to pick another location. She wasn’t going to have this house free for the rest of the year.

“Blaire is back,” I told her bluntly. I’d had time to see things from another angle. I didn’t feel like Nan was the victim in this any longer. As a child she was but then so was Blaire. Nan tensed as her eyes flashed with the hate that belonged at her father’s feet instead of on Blaire. “Don’t say anything. Let me speak first or I’ll go escort your sleepover friend from my condo. I hold the power here Nan. Our mother has nothing. I support you both. I’ve never asked you for anything. Ever. But right now I’m going to ask… no, I’m going to demand you listen to me and you follow my terms.”

Nan’s anger had faded and now the spoiled brat was there looking back at me. She didn’t like being told what to do. I couldn’t blame my mother for her behavior, not entirely. I did this too. Overcompensation had ruined Nan.

“I hate her,” she seethed.

“I said to listen to me. Don’t assume I’m bluffing Nan. Because this time you’ve fucked with something I care about. This affects me, so listen and shut the hell up.”

Her eyes went round from shock. I was sure I’d never spoken to her that way. I was even a little surprised myself. Hearing the hate in her voice directed at Blaire had set me off.

“Blaire is staying with Bethy. Woods has given Blaire her job back. She has nothing in Alabama. She has no one. The father the two of you share is worthless. To her he might as well be dead. She’s back to find out where she fits and what to do next. She was doing that before but when the truth came out it sent her world crumbling so she ran. It’s a fucking miracle she’s back here. I want her back here, Nan. You may not want to hear this but I love her. I will stop at nothing to make sure she’s safe. She is secure and no one and I do mean no one, not even my sister, makes her feel unwanted. You leave soon. You can keep your misplaced hate if you want to but one day I hope you grow up enough to realize there is only one person to hate here.”

Nan sank down onto one of the lounge chairs she kept out here to lay out and read books. I loved her too. I’d been protecting her all my life. Telling her this and threatening her was hard but I couldn’t let her hurt Blaire any longer. I had to stop this. Blaire would never give me another chance as long as Nan was tormenting her life.

“So you’re choosing her over me,” Nan whispered.

“This isn’t a contest Nan. Stop acting like it is. You’ve got the dad. She lost him. You won. Now let it go.”

Nan lifted her eyes and tears were clinging to her eyelashes. “She’s made you hate me.”

Damn fucking drama. Nan lived a soap opera in her head. “Nan, listen to me. I love you. You’re my little sister. No one can change that. But I am in love with Blaire. It may be a major hitch in your plans to conquer and destroy but baby, it is time you let your daddy issues go. Three years ago he came back. I need you to put this behind you.”

“What about family first?” She choked out.

“Don’t go there. You and I both know I’ve put you first all my life. You needed me and I was there. But we are adults now, Nan.”

She wiped the tears that had leaked out of her eyes and stood back up. I could never tell if her tears were real or fake. She could turn them on and off at whim. “Fine. Maybe I’ll go back to school early. You don’t want me here anyway. You’ve chosen her.”

“I’ll always want you around, Nan. But this time I want you to play nice. Think about someone else for a change. You have a heart. I’ve seen it. Now it is time to use it.”

Nan’s spine stiffened. “If we’re done here could you please leave your condo?”

I nodded. “Yeah I’m done,” I replied and walked back inside. Without another word I headed out the front door. Time would now tell if I had to follow through on my threats to teach my sister a lesson. I really hoped I didn’t.

Blaire

I needed my things and I needed to sell my truck. It would never make it this far again. Cain had checked it out for me last week after it broke down and said he could temporarily fix it. The cost to fix everything that was wrong with it would cost more than I could afford to spend. Calling and asking Granny Q or Cain to ship my things and sell my truck seemed wrong. They deserved an explanation… or at least Granny Q did. She’d given me a roof, a bed and fed me for three weeks. I was going to have to go back to Sumit to get my stuff and say goodbye to Granny Q. Woods had given me a few days to get settled in before I started back to work.

Bethy had taken off yesterday to take me to apply for Medicaid. It was time I saw a doctor but I would require insurance first. Today I had overheard her tell Jace she looked forward to their date tonight. I’d been monopolizing all her time since she came and got me. I was beginning to feel like a lot of work. I hated that feeling. I could take a bus. It would be affordable and I wouldn’t be a burden on Bethy. I opened Bethy’s laptop to google the bus schedule.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I stopped my search for a bus station and went to open the door. Rush standing there with his hands tucked into the front of his jeans and one of his tight tee shirts on was not what I’d been expecting. He reached up and pulled off his aviator sunglasses. I wished he’d kept them on. The silver color of his eyes in the sunshine was even more breathtaking than I remembered.

“Hey, I saw Bethy at the clubhouse. She said you were here,” Rush explained. He was nervous. I’d never seen Rush nervous.

“Yeah… um Woods gave me a couple of days to get my things from Sumit before I start back to work.”

“You’ve got to go get your things?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I left them there. I just brought an overnight bag with me. I hadn’t exactly been planning on staying.”

Rush frowned. “So how are you going to get there? I don’t see your truck.”

“I was just about to google bus stations and see where the closest one to here is.”

Rush’s frown deepened. “It’s forty minutes away. All the way in Fort Walton Beach.”

That wasn’t as bad as I’d feared.

“A bus isn’t safe Blaire. I don’t like the idea of you taking a bus. Let me take you. Please. I’ll get you there faster and I it’s free. You could save your money.”

Ride with him? All the way to Sumit and back? Was that a good idea?

“I don’t know…” I trailed off because honestly I didn’t know. My heart wasn’t ready for that much Rush.

“We don’t even have to talk… or we can if you want. I’ll let you choose the music and I won’t complain.”

If I went back with Rush, then Cain wouldn’t put up a fight. Or then again maybe he would. He could tell Rush about the pregnancy. But would he? I’d never confirmed to Cain that I was pregnant.

“I know you can’t forgive the lies and the hurt. I’m not asking you to. You know I’m sorry and if I could go back and change things I would. Please, Blaire, just as a friend who wants to help and keep you safe from crazy men who could hurt you on a bus, let me drive you.”

I thought of how very unlikely it was that I’d get hurt on the bus. And then I thought about the fact I wasn’t just keeping myself safe anymore. I had another life inside of me to protect.

“Okay. Yes. I’d like a ride.”

~*~

Jace was sprawled out in the large stuffed blue chair that sat in Bethy’s living room with his feet propped up on the ottoman and Bethy curled up in his lap. I was on the sofa feeling like a science experiment as they both stared at me in confusion.

“So you’re fine with Rush taking you to Sumit tomorrow to get your things? I mean you don’t feel weird or...” Bethy trailed off.

It would be strange. It would also hurt just being near him but I needed a ride. Bethy needed to work, not to take another day off to help me this week. “He offered. I needed a ride so I said yes.”

“And it was that easy? Why am I not buying it?” Bethy asked.

“Because she’s leaving out the parts where he begged and pleaded,” Jace said with a chuckle.

I pulled the afghan up over my shoulders. I was cold. I was cold a lot lately which was odd because it was summertime in Florida. “He didn’t beg,” I replied, feeling an urge to defend Rush. Even if he did actually beg, it wasn’t Jace’s business.

“Yeah, right. If you say so.” Jace took a drink of the sweet tea Bethy had fixed him.

“It isn’t our business. Leave her alone, Jace. We need to decide on what to do about the lease on this place ending in a week.”

I wouldn’t be here long. I’d told her that. Moving into the more expensive condo wasn’t a good idea. My half of the rent wouldn’t be covered after I left and she’d be left with all of it.

Jacekissed Bethy’s hand and grinned at her. “I told you I’d take care of things. If you’d just let me.” He winked at her and I turned my head away. I didn’t want to watch them. Rush and I had never been like that. Our relationship had been short. Intense and brief. I wondered what it would have felt like to have the freedom to curl up in Rush’s arms anytime I wanted. To know I was safe and that he loved me. We’d never had that chance.

“And I told you I’m not going to let you pay my rent. Sorry. New plan. Oh, Blaire, why don’t we go apartment hunting tomorrow?”

A knock on the door interrupted me before I could agree. Then Grant opened the door and walked in.

“You did not just walk into my girl’s apartment without permission. She could’ve been naked,” Jace snarled at Grant.

Grant rolled his eyes then flashed a smile in my direction. “I saw your car here, jackass. Calm down. I’m here to see if I can convince Blaire to take a walk with me.”

“You trying to get your ass kicked?” Jace asked

Grant smirked and then shook his head before looking back at me. “Come on Blaire, let’s go take a walk and play catch up.”

Had Grant been in on the lie? Surely he had known about it. I couldn’t tell him no. Even if he had known he had also been the first nice person I’d met here. He’d filled my tank up with gas. He’d worried about me sleeping under the stairs. I nodded and stood up. “These two need some alone time anyway,” I replied, glancing back at Bethy. She was studying me closely. I gave her a reassuring smile and she appeared to relax.

“Don’t leave on our account. We need to decide on where we’re gonna live in a week,” Bethy said as I walked to the door.

“Y’all can talk about that later, Beth Ann. Blaire’s been gone for almost a month. You have to share,” Grant replied, opening the door for me to walk outside.

“Rush is gonna go apeshit,” Jace called out right before Grant closed the door muffling whatever it was Bethy had started to say.

We walked down the stairs in silence. Once we were on the sidewalk I looked over at Grant. “Did you just miss me or is there something you want to say to me?” I asked.

Grant grinned. “I missed you. I’ve had to put up with Rush’s sulking ass. So trust me I missed the fuckin’ hell outta you.”

I could tell by his teasing tone he had wanted to make a joke. But thinking about Rush being upset didn’t make me smile. It just reminded me of everything. “Sorry,” I mumbled. I wasn’t sure what else to say to that.

“Just glad you’re back.”

I waited. I knew there was more he wanted to say. I could sense it. He was taking his time and I figured he was trying to decide exactly how to say whatever it was he wanted to say to me.

“I’m sorry about what happened. How it happened. And Nan. She can come off as the world’s biggest spoiled bitch but she’s had a screwed up childhood. It warped her or something. If you’d lived with Georgianna as your mother you’d understand. Rush was a boy so he didn’t get it as bad. But Nan, damn, her world was fucked. It isn’t an excuse for her, just an explanation.”

I didn’t respond. I had nothing to say to that. I didn’t feel sympathy of any kind for Nan. Obviously the men in her life did. Must be nice.

“Regardless of all that, what she did was wrong. How it was kept from you was really screwed up. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything but honestly, I wasn’t even aware you and Rush had anything going until that night at the club when he lost it over the snails. I’d noticed he was attracted to you but so were most males in this town. I figured he was the one guy who wouldn’t make a move on you because of his loyalty to Nan… and well, what you represented to the both of them.” Grant stopped walking and I turned to look back at him.

“I’ve never seen him like this. Ever. It’s like he’s hollow. I can’t get through to him. He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t even pretend to enjoy life anymore. He’s different since you left. Even though he wasn’t honest and it looks like he was just protecting Nan… you two just didn’t have enough time. Nan has been his responsibility since he was a kid. That was all he knew. Then you came into his world and apparently rocked it overnight. If he’d had more time he would have told you. I know he would’ve. But he didn’t. It wasn’t fair to him. He was falling for this girl he had always thought had been the reason his sister was without a dad. His belief system was changing but it was hard for him to work through it too.”

I just stared at him. Not because I didn’t agree. I had already worked through all this in my head. I understood what he was saying. The problem was… it didn’t change things. Even if he had been going to tell me, it didn’t change who he was or who Nan was. What they represented to me. My mother’s last three years on this earth had been hell while they lived in their fancy houses and flitted from one social event to the next. Their belief in the lies they told me was the one thing I didn’t think I could ever get over.

“Damn. I’m probably butchering this to shit. I just wanted to talk to you and make sure you knew that Rush… he needs you. He’s sorry. And I don’t think he’s ever going to move on from you. If he tries to talk about it tomorrow at least hear him out.”

“I’ve forgiven him, Grant. I just can’t forget. What we were or what we were headed toward is over. It will never be again. I can’t let it. My heart won’t allow me to. But I’ll always listen to him. I care about him.”

Grant let out a weary sigh. “I guess that’s better than nothing.”

It was all I had to offer.

Rush

Blaire came walking out of Bethy’s apartment holding two cups of coffee before I could get out of the car. I opened my door and stepped out of the Range Rover. Her hair was loose and hanging down her back. I loved it like that. The shorts she had on barely covered up her legs and were going to make it hard to concentrate once she was sitting in my car. They would ride up her thighs. I tore my eyes off her legs and met her steady gaze. She was forcing a small smile.

“I brought you some coffee since you got out of bed so early for me. I know early isn’t your thing.” Her voice was unsure and soft as she spoke. It was going to be my mission to change that on this road trip. I wanted her comfortable with me again.

“Thank you,” I replied with a smile I hoped eased her nerves as I opened the passenger side door for her. I’d been unable to sleepsince three this morning. I was anxious. I was pretty sure I had gone through two pots of coffee since then. I wasn’t about to tell her that though. She’d brought me coffee. A real smile tugged on my lips as I closed her door and headed back to my side.

She was holding her cup up close to her mouth taking small sips when I glanced over at her. “If you want music, I promised it was all yours,” I reminded her. She didn’t move but a smile lifted the corners of her lips.

“Thanks. Trust me, I remember. I’m okay right now. You can listen to something if you want to. I need to wake up first.”

I didn’t care about the radio. I just wanted to talk to her. What we talked about wasn’t important. Talking to her was all I cared about.

“So, what’s the plan? Does Cain know we’re coming to get your things?” I asked.

She shifted in her seat and I forced myself to keep my eyes on the road and not her legs. “No. I wanted to explain to him and his grandmother, Granny Q, about this. I also need to convince him to sell my truck for me and send me the money. It won’t make it back out here again. It’s in bad shape.”

Her truck was old. The idea that she wouldn’t be riding around in it was a relief. However, I wasn’t crazy about her not having a vehicle. How the hell I was supposed to fix that I didn’t know. She would never take a car from me. Maybe her truck could be fixed and made safe.

“I could take it in and have it checked out while you’re packing up. Could be it just needs a couple things done to it.”

She sighed. “Thanks but don’t bother. Cain already took it in and had it checked. He had them fix it up so I could get around town but he said it was a temporary fix. It needs more work than I can afford.”

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. The idea that Cain had been taking care of her drove me insane. I hated that he’d been the one to have her truck checked out. That it was his family that helped her when she needed it most. Mine had fucked her life up. I wasn’t there for her to call when she needed help.

“So are you and Cain...?” What the hell was I asking? Were they what? Fuck. I didn’t want to hear this.

“We are friends, Rush. We have been all our life. My feelings about him haven’t changed.”

I eased my grip on the steering wheel and ran one of my sweaty palms on my jeans. Damn, she drove me crazy. If I was going to ease her back into being comfortable with me I needed to calm down. That was going to start with me not beating the shit outta Cain when I saw him.

Before I could say anything else Blaire leaned forward and turned on the radio. She found a country station on my satellite radio and then leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. I had pried too much. She was politely asking me to shut up. I could take the hint.

Thirty minutes of silence passed before my phone rang. Nan’s name appeared on the screen in my dash. Damn iPhone was programmed to my car. Normally that came in handy and made things hands free. But having Blaire see Nan’s name wasn’t cool. I hadn’t wanted a reminder. My plan was to make this day reminder free. I clicked ignore and the radio started playing again.

I didn’t look over at Blaire but I felt her eyes on me. It was real hard not to meet her gaze.

“You could have talked to her. She’s your sister,” Blaire said so softly I almost missed it over the music.

“She is. But she represents things I don’t want you thinking about today.”

Blaire didn’t stop looking at me. It was taking all my strength to keep this casual. Jerking the car over and grabbing her face and telling her how important she was and how much I loved her wasn’t what she needed right now.

“I’m better, Rush. I’ve had time to take everything in. Deal with it. I’ll see Nan at the club. I’m prepared for that. You’re helping me today. You could be doing anything else but you chose to take the day to help me. I don’t want to keep you from taking phone calls from people you care about. I won’t break.”

Fuck. So much for keeping this casual and easy. I pulled over onto the side of the road and slammed the Rover into park. I kept my hands to myself but I gave my full attention to Blaire. “I chose to take you today because there is nothing I’d rather do than be near you. I’m driving you because I’m a desperate man who will take whatever the hell he can get when it comes to you.” I broke down and reached over to run my thumb over her cheekbone then into the silky hair I’d been fascinated with since I’d first laid eyes on her. “I will do anything. Anything, Blaire, just to be near you. I can’t think about anything else. I can’t focus on anything. So never think you’re inconveniencing me. You need me, I’m there.” I stopped. I sounded pathetic even to my own ears. Dropping my hand from her head I shifted the Rover into gear and pulled back onto the road.

Blaire didn’t say anything. I didn’t blame her. I’d sounded like a crazy man. She was probably scared of me now. Hell, I would be.

Blaire

My heart was beating so hard I was sure he could hear it. This had been a bad idea. Being near him was so confusing. It was easy to forget who he was. Having him touch me, even if it was just my face, made me feel like crying. I wanted more than that. I missed him. Everything about him and I’d be lying if the idea of being this close to him all day hadn’t kept me up most of the night.

Rush turned the radio back up when I didn’t say anything. I should say something after that but what? How did I respond to that without just causing us both more pain? Telling him I missed him and I wanted him wouldn’t make this easier. It would just be harder.

This time when the phone rang the computer looking screen in his car flashed the name “Grant.” Rush pressed some button and then picked up his cell phone.

“Hey,” he said into the phone. I chanced a glance over at him since his focus was no longer on me. The hard frown lines in his face made me sad. I didn’t want them there.

“Yeah. We’re on our way,” he replied into the phone. “Don’t think that’s a good idea. I’ll call you when I’m back.” His jaw clenched and I knew whatever Grant was saying was making him mad. “I said no,” he growled and ended the call before tossing it into his cup holder.

“You okay?” I asked before I could think that through.

He jerked his head over to look at me. It was as if he was startled that I was talking to him. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine,” he replied in a much calmer tone then turned his eyes back on the road.

I waited a few minutes then decided to say something about what he’d said to me. If I didn’t start talking about this with him we would always have this awkward silence between us. Even if I left in four months and never saw him again… No, I’d see him again. I would have to, wouldn’t I? Could I really never tell him about this baby? I pushed that back. I hadn’t even been to the doctor yet. I’d cross that bridge when we got to it. Even if I had thrown up again this morning when I’d opened the trash compactor and gotten a whiff of the left over fried fish Jace had tossed last night. I wasn’t normally so sensitive. The hot ginger tea I’d been drinking when Rush picked me up had helped ease my stomach. I could pretend like that pregnancy test was wrong or face the truth.

“About what you said. I, uh, I don’t really know how to respond to that. I mean, I know how I feel and how I wish things were different but they aren’t. I want us to… I want us to find a way to be friends… maybe. I don’t know. That sounds so lame. After everything,” I stopped because my attempt at talking to him about this was sounding like a rambling mess. How could we be friends? That had been how all this started and here I was in love with and pregnant by a man I could not build a future with.

“I’ll be whatever you allow me to be, Blaire. Just don’t shut me out again. Please.”

I nodded. Okay. I’d give this friends thing time. Then… then I would tell him about the baby. He was either going to run like hell or want to be a part of our baby’s life. Either way I needed time to prepare. Because I would not let my child have anything to do with his family, ever. It was out of the question. I hated liars… but I was about to become one for awhile. This time it was me that had a secret to keep.

“Okay,” I replied but didn’t say more. My eyes were growing heavy and the lack of sleep from last night and the fact I couldn’t drink caffeine to wake me up was getting to me. I closed my eyes.

“Easy, sweet Blaire. Your head is falling over and you’re gonna have one helluva cramp in your neck. I’m just laying your seat back.” A deep warm whisper tickled my ear and I shivered. I turned toward it but I was still so sleepy I couldn’t wake up completely. Something soft brushed my lips then I fell back into my dreams.

“You need to wake up, sleepyhead. I’m here but I have no idea where to go,” Rush’s voice accompanied by his hand gently squeezing my arm woke me. I rubbed my eyes and opened them. I was laying back. I looked over at Rush and he smiled.

“I couldn’t let you jack up your neck. Besides, you were sleeping so hard I wanted you to be comfortable.” He unbuckled and reached across me to fiddle with a button on the side of my seat. It slowly eased back up and I could see the one traffic light in Sumit, Alabama in front of me.

“I’m so sorry. I slept the whole way. That had to be a boring ride.”

“I got to control the radio so it wasn’t a bust,” Rush replied with a smirk and then looked back at the traffic light. “Where do I go from here?”

“Straight until you see the large wooden sign that is painted red and says “Fresh Produce and Firewood for Sale” and then take a left. It’ll be the third house on the right but it’s about a mile and a half down that road. The road will turn into gravel after about a quarter mile.”

Rush followed my directions and we didn’t say much. I was still waking up and my stomach was feeling queasy. I hadn’t eaten yet and I knew that was the problem. I had saltine crackers in my purse that Bethy had given me but popping one of those in my mouth in front of Rush was a bad idea. Saltines were a major giveaway.

By the time we pulled into Granny Q’s driveway I had broken into a cold sweat. I was going to be sick if I didn’t eat something. I opened the door to get out before Rush could see my face. I was probably green or pale at the very least.

“You want me to go with you or is it best if I stay here?” he asked.

“Oh, um… maybe you should stay here,” I replied. Cain’s truck was here so that meant he probably was too. I didn’t want Rush and Cain getting into any more fights. I also didn’t trust Cain to keep his mouth shut about the pregnancy tests. I closed the car door and headed for the house.

Cain opened the screen door and stepped outside before I even made it to the bottom step. His face was a mixture of worry and anger. “Why’s he here? He brought you home, now he can leave,” Cain snarled, looking past me toward Rush. Yeah, it was a real good idea for Rush to stay in the car. My stomach rolled and I fought back the nausea.

“Because he’s giving me a ride back. Calm down, Cain. You have no fight with him. You’re my friend. He’s my friend. Let’s you and I take this inside. I need to get my things.”

Cain stepped back and let me pass him then he followed me inside letting the screen slam shut behind him.

“What do you mean you’re going back with him? That test come back positive? You running back to him now even though he broke your heart so bad you came here three weeks ago a mess? I’ll take care of you Blaire. You know that.”

I held up my hands to stop him. “This isn’t about me being pregnant, Cain. He is a friend who gave me a ride. Yes, we were more before… things happened but now we’re not. I’m not running to him. I am getting my job back in Rosemary and living with Bethy for a while. Then I’ll go somewhere else and start over. I just can’t keep staying here.”

“Why can’t you stay here? Hell Blaire, I’ll marry you today. No questions asked. I love you. More than life. You gotta know that. I messed up when we were younger and that thing with Callie, she don’t mean nothin’. She’s just a girl who distracts me. You’re all I want. I’ve been telling you that for years. Please listen to me,” he was begged.

“Cain, stop this. You’re my friend. What we had died a long time ago. I walked in on you doing things to another girl you shouldn’t have been. That night everything changed. I love you but I am not in love with you and I never will be again. I need to pack and I need to move on with my life.”

Cain slammed his hand against the wall. “Don’t say that! It isn’t over. You can’t just run off on your own. It isn’t safe!” He paused. “Are you pregnant?” he asked.

I didn’t answer. Instead, I walked back to the room I’d been staying in while I was here and started packing my suitcase. “You are,” he said, following me into the room.

I didn’t respond. I just focused on my things. “Does he know? Is the rock star’s son gonna take responsibility? He’s lying, B. The baby will get here and he will run. He won’t be able to handle it. A baby doesn’t fit into his life. You know that. Hell, the world knows that. He might as well be a rock star himself. I saw his beach house. That ain’t someone that’ll be there when things get tough. They don’t stick it out. I may have screwed up but I won’t run. I’ll always be here.”

I spun around. “He doesn’t know, okay. I’m not sure I’ll even tell him. I don’t want someone to save me. I can do this. I’m not helpless.”

He started to open his mouth to argue when Granny Q walked into the room. I hadn’t realized she was here.

“Stop begging her, Cain. You done made your bed boy, go lie in it. She moved on. Her heart has moved on. She’s done shown us all she can go to school and take care of her sick momma and herself.” She looked from Cain to me and a sad smile touched her lips.

“Breaks my heart that you got another hurdle like this to leap so young and this room is yours if you need it. But if you’re set on leaving then I bless that too. You just be safe.” She walked over and pulled me into a hug. “I love you like you’re my own. Always have,” she whispered into my hair.

Tears stung my eyes. “I love you too.”

She pulled back and sniffed. “You keep in touch,” she said and started to leave then glanced back at me. “Every man deserves to know he has a baby. Even if’n he ain’tgonna be a part of its life he needs to know about it. You just keep that in mind.”

She walked out of the room leaving Cain and I alone again. I put the last of my things in my suitcase and zipped it shut. Grabbing the handle, I picked it up. My nausea had gotten worse. I covered my mouth with one hand.

“Shit, B. You can’t do that. Give it to me. You’re not supposed to pick up heavy stuff. See, you can’t do this. Who isgonna make sure you take care or yourself?”

The best friend I’d had all my life was back and the crazy boy who thought he was in love and ready to sacrifice his life was gone. “I told Bethy. She knows and I’m careful. I wasn’t thinking. This is all new for me. And I think I’m gonna be sick.”

“What can I do?” he asked with a panicked look on his face.

“Crackers would help.”

He set the suitcase down and ran out of the room to get me crackers. He was back in less than a minute with a box of saltines and a glass. “Granny Q heard you. She already had the box out and a glass of ginger ale poured. She said the ale would soothe your stomach.”

“Thank you,” I replied and sat down on the bed to eat a cracker and sip on the ginger ale. Neither of us spoke. My nausea began to ease away and I had learned from experience to stop eating then. Too much and I’d be seeing it again very soon. Standing up, I handed the box and glass back to Cain.

“Just put it down. I’ll get it later.” He picked up my suitcase. “Give me that box too. You can’t carry it,” he said picking up the box of things I hadn’t unpacked from my last move. I pulled the last small bag up on my arm and he started for the door without another word. I followed him praying he didn’t do something stupid when he saw Rush.

We got to the screen door leading out onto the front porch and he stopped.Putting the suitcase down he turned back to look at me.

“You don’t have to go with him. I told you that I could fix this. You have me, B. You’ve always had me.”

Cain believed what he was saying. I could see it in his face. But I knew better. If I needed a friend, Cain would be there but he was no one’s savior. I didn’t need one anyway. I had myself.

I pulled my bag up higher on my shoulder and thought carefully about how to explain this to him one more time. I’d tried everything. He wouldn’t understand the truth. Bringing up how he had failed me when my mom was sick and I was so alone would only hurt him. “I need to do this.”

Cain let out a frustrated growl and ran his hand through his hair. “You don’t trust me to take care of you. That hurts so damn much.” He let out a defeated laugh. “But then why should you? I let you down before. With your mom… I was a kid, B. How many times do I have to tell you that things are different now? I know what I want. I… God, B, I want you. It’s always been you.”

A lump formed in my throat. Not because I loved him but because I did care for him. Cain was a big part of my life. He had been for as long as I could remember. I closed the distance between us and reached out for his hand. “Please, understand. This is something I have to do. I have to face this. Let me go.”

Cain let out a weary sigh. “I’m always letting you go, B. You’ve asked that of me before. I keep trying but it’s slowly destroying me.”

One day he would thank me for leaving him. “I’m sorry, Cain. But I need to go. He’s waiting on me.”

Cain picked the suitcase back up and opened the screen door with his shoulder. Rush stepped out of the Rover as soon as he saw us. “Don’t say anything to him, Cain.” I whispered.

Cain nodded and I followed him down the steps. Rush met us at the bottom and looked up at me. “Is this all your stuff?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I replied.

Cain didn’t make a move to give him the suitcase and box. A muscle in Rush’s jaw jumped and I knew he was trying really hard to be good.

“Give him the stuff, Cain,” I said, nudging him in the back.

Cain sighed and handed the box and suitcase to Rush who took both items and headed for the Rover.

“You need to tell him,” Cain muttered when he turned around to look at me.

“I will, eventually. I need to think it through.”

Cain looked past me toward my truck. “You leaving your truck?”

“I was hoping you might could stick it up at the bodyshop and put a for sale sign on it. Maybe get a thousand out of it. Then you could keep half and send me the other half.”

Cain frowned. “I’ll sell the truck, B, but I ain’t taking no money. I’ll send it all.”

I didn’t argue with him. He needed to be able to do this and I’d let him. “Okay, fine. But could you give Granny Q some of it at least? For letting me stay here and all.”

Cain’s eyebrows shot up. “You want my Granny to ride her ass down to Rosemary to tan your hide?”

Smiling, I closed the distance between us and holding onto his shoulders I stood on my tiptoes and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Thank you, for everything,” I whispered.

“You can come back if you need me. Always.” His voice cracked and I knew I needed to go. I stepped back and nodded once before walking to the Rover.

Rush had the door open on the passenger side when I got there and he closed it behind me. I watched as he looked back at Cain before going and getting in on his side. I was really doing this. Letting go of what was safe and taking the first move in finding my place in the world.

Rush

She looked like she was about to cry and I was afraid to ask her if she was okay. My fear that she might change her mind and stay in Sumit kept me quiet until we were safely out of the town limits. Seeing her hands knotted tightly in her lap bothered me. I wish she’d say something.

“You good?” I asked, unable to stop myself. My need to protect her took over.

She nodded. “Yeah. It’s just a little scary, I guess. This time I know I’m not coming back. I also know I don’t have a dad waiting to help me out. Leaving was harder this time.”

“You got me,” I replied.

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me. “Thank you. I needed to hear that right now.”

Hell, I’d record it so she could replay it over and over if it would help. “Don’t ever think you’re alone.”

She gave me a weak smile then turned her attention back to the road. “You know I could drive if you would like to sleep this time.”

The idea of being free to look at her all I wanted was tempting. But she’d expect me to sleep and I wasn’t wasting any time I had with her by sleeping through it. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”

I’d gone through a drive-thru and gotten something to eat on the drive down here. She’d been sleeping and I hadn’t wanted to disturb her but she had to be hungry.

“I’m starving. What sounds good to you?” I asked, pulling back onto the interstate that would lead us back to Florida.

“Um… I… I don’t know. Maybe soup.”

Soup? That was an odd request. But hell, if she wanted soup I’d get her some soup.

“Soup it is. I’ll keep my eyes open for a restaurant that I know has soup.”

“If you’re starving please just stop wherever you want. I can find something to eat anywhere.” She sounded nervous again.

“Blair, I’m getting you soup,” I replied, glancing over at her. I made sure to smile so she would know I wanted to get her soup.

“Thanks,” she said and studied her hands in her lap again.

We didn’t speak for awhile but it felt good just to have her in the car with me. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to talk.

The first exit with food I pointed to the sign. “Looks like there are good options here. Pick a place,” I told her.

She shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. You know if you don’t want to get out and want to stay on the road I could eat something car friendly.”

I wanted to draw this day out as long as I possibly could. “We’re getting soup,” I replied.

A small laugh startled me and I looked over to see her actually smiling. Making her do that more often was a new goal.

~*~

Blaire was asleep again when we pulled into the parking lot at Bethy’s apartment late that night. I’d been careful to keep our conversation easy. After awhile we’d settled into a comfortable silence then she’d fallen asleep.

I put the Rover in park then sat back and looked at her. I’d glanced over at her sleeping a million times on the ride home. Just for a few minutes I wanted the freedom to watch her sleep. The dark circles under her eyes worried me. Was she not sleeping enough? Bethy might know. I could talk to her about it. Asking Blaire questions like that right now probably wasn’t wise.

A soft knock on my window tore my attention from Blaire to Jace who was standing outside the car with an amused look on his face. I opened the door and stepped out before he could wake her up. I wanted to wake her up and I didn’t want an audience when I did it.

“You planning on waking her up or are you considering kidnapping?” Jace asked.

“Shut up, asshole.”

Jace chuckled. “Bethy’s anxious for her to get back so she can hear about the trip. I’ll help you with her stuff if you’ll wake her up and get her inside.”

“She’s tired. Bethy can wait until tomorrow.” I didn’t want her to have to wakeup to a nosy Bethy. She obviously needed more sleep and she needed more food. She’d barely eaten her soup earlier. I’d tried to feed her again but she said she wasn’t hungry. That needed to change. It was like those damn peanut butter sandwiches all over again.

“Then you tell Bethy that,” Jace replied as I shoved the box in his hands and pulled the suitcase out of the back. “I got the suitcase; you take the box in and I’ll wake her up.”

“Private moment?” Jace smirked and I shoved the box in his hands a little too hard.It caused him to stumble back which only made him cackle with laughter.

I ignored him and walked over to the passenger side. Waking her up and letting her leave me wasn’t exactly what I wanted to do. It scared the shit out of me. What if this was it? What if Blaire never let me near her like this again? No. I couldn’t let that happen. I’d work slow but I would make sure this wasn’t it for us. Although having had her to myself all day was going to make it real hard to go back to the way it was.

I unbuckled her. She barely stirred. A lock of hair had fallen in her face so I gave in to the urge to touch it. Reaching up I tucked the hair behind her ear. She was so damn beautiful. I’d never move on from her. It wasn’t possible. I had to find a way to get her back. To help her heal.

Her eyelids fluttered open and her gaze locked with mine.

“We’re here,” I whispered, not wanting to startle her.

She sat up and gave me a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I fell asleep on you again.”

“You must have needed the rest. I didn’t mind.” I wanted to stay there and keep her in my car but I couldn’t do that. I moved back so she could get out. Asking her if I could see her tomorrow was right there on the tip of my tongue. But I didn’t. She wasn’t ready for that. I had to give her space. “I’ll see you around then,” I said and her smile wavered.

“Okay, uh, yeah, see you around. And thanks again for helping me today. I’ll pay you back for the gas.”

Like hell. “No, you won’t. I don’t want your money. I was glad to help.”

She started to say more but snapped her mouth shut. With a tight nod she turned and walked to the apartment.

Blaire

The first day back at work and Woods assigned me to the dining room. Breakfast and lunch shifts. Not good. I stood outside the kitchen mentally preparing myself not to think about the smell. I’d woken up queasy and forced two saltine crackers and some gingerale down but that was all I could manage.

The moment I walked into the kitchen the smell would hit me. The bacon… oh god, the bacon…

“You know sweet thing you have to actually go in there in order to work,” Jimmy drawled from behind me. I spun around, startled from my internal battle to see him smiling at me with an amused grin. “The cooks aren’t that bad. You’ll get over the yelling in no time. Besides, last time you had them wrapped around your pretty little finger.”

I forced a smile. “You’re right. I can do this. I’m just not ready for people asking questions, I guess.” That wasn’t exactly the truth but then it wasn’t a lie either.

Jimmy opened the door and the smell slammed into me. Eggs, bacon, sausage, grease. Oh, no. My body broke out into a cold sweat and my stomach rolled. “I, uh, need to use the restroom first,” I explained and made my way to the employee restroom as fast as I could without breaking into a run. That would look even more suspicious.

I closed the door behind me and clicked the lock into place as I fell to my knees on the cold tile.I grabbed the toilet as everything I’d eaten last night and this morning came back out.

Several dry heaves later I stood up still feeling puny.I wet a papertowel to clean my face up. My white polo shirt was clinging to me from the sweat that had broken out all over me. I needed to change.

I rinsed my mouth with the mouthwash on the counter and straightened my shirt the best I could. Maybe no one would notice. I could do this. I would just hold my breath while I was in the kitchen. That would do it. I’d breathe deeply before going in each time. I had to figure this out.

When I opened the door my eyes locked on Woods. He was standing against the wall facing the restroom with his arms crossed over his chest studying me. I was late.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m late. I just needed to take a quick break before I got started. I promise this won’t happen again. I’ll stay late to make up for it—”

“My office. Now,” he snapped and turned to stalk down the hallway.

My heart sped up and I followed quickly behind him. I didn’t want Woods to be mad at me. This job had been my answer for the next few months. Now that I’d talked myself into staying here and figuring out what to do I really didn’t want to leave. Not yet.

Woods opened the door for me and I stepped inside.

“I really am sorry. Please don’t fire me yet. I just—”

“I’m not firing you.” Woods interrupted me.

Oh…

“Have you seen a doctor? I’m assuming it’s Rush’s. Does he know? Because if he does and you’re here working for me in this condition I’m personally going to go break his fucking neck.”

He knew. Oh no, oh no, oh no. I shook my head frantically. I had to stop this. Woods could not know. No one was supposed to know but Bethy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Woods cocked an eyebrow. “Really?” The disbelief in his voice was unnerving. He wasn’t going to fall for a lie. But I had a baby to protect.

“He doesn’t know.” The truth fell out of my mouth before I could stop it. “I don’t want him to, yet. I need to find a way to do this on my own. We both know Rush doesn’t want this. His family would hate it. I can’t have my baby hated by anyone. Please understand,” I begged.

Woods muttered a curse and ran his hands through his hair. “He deserves to know this, Blaire.”

Yes, he did. But when this baby had been conceived I’d not known just how tainted our worlds were. How impossible it would be for us to have a relationship. “They hate me. They hate my mom. I can’t. Just, please give me time to prove I can do this without help. I’ll tell him eventually but I need to be stable and ready to leave after I do. This time my wants and his wants don’t come first. I am doing what is best for this baby.”

Woods’ frown deepened. We stood in silence for several minutes.

“I don’t like it but it isn’t my story to tell. Go change and head out to see Darla. You can do cart rounds today. Let me know when the kitchen smell isn’t so much of an issue.”

I wanted to throw my arms around him and hug him. He wasn’t forcing me to tell anyone and he was giving me an out on serving breakfast. I used to love bacon but now… I just couldn’t deal with it. “Thank you. Dinner isn’t bad. It’s just the morning and sometimes the afternoons.”

“Noted. I’ll only put you on evening shifts in the dining room. This week you just work the course. But don’t get overheated. Keep some ice or something to cool you down. Can I tell Darla?”

“No,” I replied before he could finish. “She can’t know. No one can know. Please.”

Woods sighed then nodded his head. “Okay. I’ll keep your secret. But if you need anything you’d better let me know… if you’re not going to let Rush know.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Woods gave me a tight smile. “I’ll see you later then.”

I was dismissed.

The schedule for the rest of the week had me working the beer cart. There was a tournament a week from Saturday and I was down to work the entire day. I couldn’t be happier about it. The money would be great. And although the heat was intense out on the course all day it was better than being in the air conditioning smelling bacon or any greasy meat and running off to vomit.

It had progressively gotten busier since I’d left. According to Darla, the members who only came during their summer vacations were all now in residence. Bethy and I ran two different carts in order to keep the place hydrated. Woods was rarely on the course so I didn’t have to worry about his prying eyes. He was busy working. Jace had told Bethy that Woods was trying to prove to his dad that he was ready for a promotion.

After restocking my cart for the third time today, I headed back to the first hole to make my next round. I recognized the back of Grant’s head right away. He was playing with… Nan. I’d known this day was coming but I hadn’t been prepared for it. I could always skip this hole and let Bethy catch them on her next round but that would only be putting off the inevitable.

I pulled the cart up and Grant turned in my direction. He looked like he was in a serious conversation with Nan. The frustrated frown on his face wasn’t comforting. He smiled but I could tell it was forced.

“We’re good, Blaire. You can go on to the next hole,” Grant called out. Nan’s head jerked around at the sound of my name and the hateful scowl on her face had me shifting the cart in reverse. Maybe my first instincts had been right. I shouldn’t have stopped.

“Wait. I want something.” At the sound of Rush’s voice my heart did a crazy little flutter thing that only he could make happen. I turned my head toward the sound of his voice to see him jogging toward me in a pair of pale blue shorts and a white polo shirt. It never ceased to amaze me that he could look so ridiculously good in such a preppy outfit. Boys in Bama did not dress like this for anything. They played golf in their jeans, baseball caps and whatever lucky t-shirt or flannel shirt made it out of the dryer that day. But Rush made it look like something mouthwateringly sexy.

“I need a drink,” he said with an easy smile once he got to my cart. He stopped right in front of me. I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days. Not since our road trip.

“The usual?” I asked stepping out of the cart only to be even closer to him. He didn’t back up and our chests were close to brushing against each other. I glanced up at him.

“Yeah. That’d be great,” he replied but didn’t move. He also kept his eyes locked on mine. One of us was going to have to move and break this staring contest. I knew it should be me. I couldn’t lead him to believe anything was different.

I scooted past him and walked to the back of the cart to get him a Corona. I bent down to pull one out of the ice and I felt him move in behind me. Dangit. He was not making this easy.

Straightening up, I didn’t look back or turn around. He was too close. “What are you doing?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want Nan or Grant to hear us.

“I miss you,” was his simple response.

Closing my eyes tightly I took a deep breath and tried to calm the frenzy he was sending my heart into. I missed him too. But that didn’t make the truth go away.

Telling him I missed him wasn’t smart. I didn’t need to let him believe things could go back to the way they were.

“Get your drink and come on,” Nan snapped from behind him. That was enough to make me move. I wasn’t up for a Nan verbal attack. Not today.

“Back off, Nan,” Rush growled and I shoved the Corona at him and moved quickly back to the driver’s seat. “Blaire, wait,” Rush said, once again following me.

“Don’t do this,” I begged. “I can’t handle her.”

He winced and then nodded before backing away. I tore my eyes off him and put the cart in drive. Without looking back I headed to the next hole.

Rush

“Do you not remember what I asked you the other day, Nan?” I snarled once Blaire and her cart were out of sight.

“You were being pathetic. I was trying to help you not look like a lovesick loser.”

I turned around and stalked toward her. She was pushing me. I’d never had that all consuming rage most brothers have to physically harm their sisters when we were younger. But right now I was experiencing it.

Grant stepped in front of me putting a barrier between us. “Whoa. You need to back off and calm down.”

I shifted my glare from Nan to Grant. What the fuck was he doing? He hated Nan. “Move. This is between me and my sister,” I reminded him. He’d never claimed her before. Even when his father had been married to our mother he’d made sure we all understood he hated Nan. There had never been even a remote sibling attachment between those two.

“And you’re gonna have to go through me to get to your sister,” Grant replied taking a step in my direction. “’Cause right now you aren’t thinking about anyone’s feelings but Blaire’s. Remember how Blaire’s presence affects Nan. You cared about that once.”

What the fuck! Was I hallucinating? When did Grant start defending Nan? “I know exactly how Blaire affects Nan. But what I’m trying to get through to her is that nothing was Blaire’s fault. Nan has hated the wrong person for so damn long she can’t let go. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? You already knew this! You were the one who championed Blaire when she first showed up here. You never believed this was her fault. You saw her innocence in this from the beginning.”

Grant shifted uncomfortably and then glanced back at Nan whose eyes had gone as round as saucers. “You made her weak, Rush. All her life you protected her. She relied on you. Then you go and drop her and focus all your attention on Blaire and expect Nan to be okay. She may be an adult but she has been so codependent on you her whole life she doesn’t know any other way. If you weren’t so damn focused on getting Blaire back you’d see this.”

I shoved Grant out of my way and leveled my gaze on my sister. I didn’t need this lecture from him even if there was some truth to it. Deep down I was pleased that these two had finally found common ground. Maybe Grant cared for her afterall. We had lived in the same house for years. We’d been neglected together.

“I love you, Nan. You know that. But you can’t ask me to choose. It’s not fair.”

Nan put both her hands on her hips. It was her defiant position. “You can’t love us both. I’ll never accept her. She held a gun on me, Rush! You saw her. She’s insane. She was going to shoot me. How can you love her and love me? That makes no sense.”

“She would have never shot you. She held a gun on Grant too. He got over it. And yes I can love you both. I love you differently.”

Nan shifted her gaze to Grant and gave him a sad smile. That was even weirder. “He won’t listen to me, Grant. I give up. He is choosing his love for her over me and my feelings.”

“Nan, just listen to him. Come on. He has a point,” Grant told her in a gentle tone I’d never heard him use with her. I was in the fucking Twilight Zone.

Nan stomped her foot. “No. I hate her. I can’t stand to look at her. She is hurting him now and I hate her more for it,” Nan screamed. I glanced around to see if anyone had heard her and saw Woods walking toward us. Shit.

Grant turned and followed my gaze. “Ah, hell,” he muttered.

Woods stopped in front of us and looked from Nan, to Grant and then to me. “I overheard enough to know what this conversation is about,” he said, keeping his focus locked on me. “Let me make myself very clear. We’ve all been friends most of our lives. I know the dynamic of your family.” He shifted his gaze to Nan with a disgusted snarl of his lip then back to me. “If anyone has a problem with Blaire then they need to take it up with me. She has a job here as long as she wants one. The three of you may not like it but I personally don’t give a flying fuck. So get over it. She doesn’t need this shit right now. Back off. Are we understood?”

I studied him. What did he mean and why was he acting as Blaire’s protector? I didn’t like it. My blood started to boil and I fisted my hands at my sides. Did he think he could make his move now? Show up when she was weak and be the hero? Hell no. That wasn’t happening. Blaire was mine.

Woods didn’t wait for a response. He stalked off instead.

“Looks like you have competition,” Nan drawled.

Grant walked over to her and put her behind him again. “That’s enough, Nan,” he whispered then he looked over at me.

I was done with this. I couldn’t deal with the two of them right now. I threw my club down and went after Woods.

He either heard me or felt the anger rolling off me because he stopped just before he reached the clubhouse and turned around to look at me. One of his eyebrows shot up as if he were amused. That just pissed me off more.

“We both want the same thing. Why don’t you take a few deep breaths and calm down?” Woods said as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You stay away from her. Do you hear me? Back the fuck off. Blaire loves me; she’s just confused and hurt. She’s also very vulnerable. So help me God, if you even think you’re going to take advantage of her current state I will beat the shit out of you.”

Woods tilted his head to the side and frowned. He wasn’t very affected by my warning. Maybe I needed to make him affected. “I know you love her. I’ve never seen you act this crazed in your life. I get that. But Nan hates her. If you love Blaire then protect her from the venom that is dripping from your sister’s fangs. Or I will.”

I felt like he’d slapped me in the face. Before I could respond, he opened the door behind him and went inside. I stared at the closed door for several minutes before moving. I was going to lose one of them. I loved my sister but over time she’d forgive me. I could lose Blaire forever. I wasn’t going to allow that to happen.

Blaire

Bethy reached over and squeezed my hand. She was standing beside me as I sat on the doctor’s table waiting. I’d peed in a cup and now we waited to hear the official results. My heart was racing. There was a slim possibility that I might not be pregnant. I hadgoogled it last night. The home pregnancy tests could have been wrong and I could have been getting sick because my head thought I was pregnant.

The door opened and a nurse walked in. She was smiling as she glanced from Bethy to me. “Congratulations. It’s positive. You’re pregnant.”

Bethy’s hand squeezed my tighter. I’d known this deep down but just hearing the nurse say it made it more real. I would not cry. My baby didn’t need to know that I’d cried when I found out I was pregnant. I wanted him or her to always feel loved. This was not a bad thing. It could never be a bad thing. I needed family. I would soon have one again. Someone who loved me unconditionally.

“The doctor will be in to check things out in a few minutes. We need to do blood work too. Have you been experiencing any cramping or bleeding?”

“No. Just really sick. Smells set me off,” I explained.

The nurse nodded and wrote that down on her clipboard. “It may not feel like it but that’s a good thing. Being sick is good.”

Bethy snorted. “You’ve not seen her dry heaving. Nothing is good about that.”

The nurse smiled. “Yeah, I can remember those days. That isn’t fun.” She shifted her gaze to me. “Will the father be involved?”

Would he? Could I tell him? I shook my head. “No, I don’t think he will be.”

The sad smile on the nurse’s face as she nodded and made another note on her clipboard told me she saw this too often.

“Where you using any form of birth control when you conceived? The pill maybe?” the nurse asked.

I didn’t look at Bethy. Maybe I didn’t want her in here afterall. I shook my head.

The nurse raised her eyebrows. “Nothing?” she asked.

“No, nothing. I mean we used a condom a couple of times but there was a couple times we didn’t. He pulled out once… but once he didn’t.”

Bethy tensed beside me. I knew what she was thinking. How could I have been so stupid? That had been one fact I’d left out of the story.

The nurse nodded. “Okay. The doctor will be in shortly,” she replied and stepped out of the room.

Bethy jerked on my arm causing me to look at her. “He didn’t use a condom? Is he crazy? Dammit! He should’ve thought to ask you if you were pregnant. What a douche bag. Here I was feeling sorry for him because he doesn’t know he’s gonna be a papa and he didn’t use a damn condom. He should have been contacting you in four weeks to make sure you weren’t pregnant. What an idiot.”

Bethy was pacing in front of me now. I just watched her. What did I say to this? I was just as wrong in the situation. I’d been the one to strip naked, climb on top of him and fuck his brains out that night. He’d been a guy and the last thing on his mind had been stopping to put on a condom. I hadn’t given him much time to think. But sharing the details of mine and Rush’s sex life with Bethy wasn’t going to happen. So I kept my mouth shut.

“He deserves this. He should have checked on you. Don’t tell the jackass. He thinks he can use that thing and not put a jacket on it then he can live in ignorance for all I care. I’ll be here for you. Me and you. We got this.” Bethy looked ready to take on the world at the moment. It made me smile. I wouldn’t be in Rosemary when the baby was born. I wish I could be. I wanted my baby to have someone else to love it. Bethy would make an excellent aunt. The thought made me sad. My smile disappeared.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Bethy said dropping her hands from her waist with a concerned look on her face.

“No. You didn’t. I just wish… I just wish I didn’t have to leave. I want my baby to know you.”

Bethy walked over and wrapped her arms around my shoulders and squeezed. “You will tell me where you live and I’ll come see the two of you all the time. Or you could stay and live with me. When the baby is born Rush is bound to be gone. He doesn’t stay in Rosemary past the summer. We’d have time to get you two settled into life before he came back. Just think about it. Don’t worry over any final decisions right now.”

Would Rush leave? Would he give up on me and leave Rosemary? Or would he stay? My heart hurt thinking of him walking away from me. As much as I knew it wouldn’t work I wanted him to fight for me. I wanted him to find a way that we could be together even if I knew it was impossible.

Two hours later we were back at Bethy’s apartment and I had prenatal vitamins and several pamphlets about having a healthy pregnancy. I tucked them away in my suitcase. I needed a warm bath and a nap.

Bethy knocked once on the bathroom door and walked inside. She was holding her phone in one hand and smiling like an idiot. “You’re not going to believe this,” she paused and shook her head like she was still in disbelief. “Woods just called. He said the condo is ours for the same cost I am paying now on this apartment. He said it’s a job perk since having two of his employees on the club grounds will be helpful. He also said we would both be without a job if we tried to decline his offer.”

I sank down onto the closed toilet seat and stared up at her. He was doing this because I was pregnant. This was his way of helping out. I wanted to scream at him and hug his neck all at one time. Tears stung my eyes. “Is he still on the phone?” I asked when I realized Bethy was still holding it close to her ear.

“No this is Jace. He said this has to do with you. You aren’t… like seeing him or anything are you?” she asked slowly. That must have been Jace’s question. She was repeating it like she didn’t believe it even as she said it.

“Can you mute the phone?” I asked her quietly.

Her eyes went wide and she nodded. Once it was safely muted she stared at me like she didn’t recognize me. What did she think? I was leading Woods on while I was pregnant with Rush’s baby? Surely not. “Bethy, he knows. Woods knows.”

Realization dawned on her and her mouth dropped open. “How?” she asked.

“He put me on the morning shift in the dining room. The kitchen… it smelled like bacon.”

Bethy made a big “o” with her mouth and nodded. She got it. She reached up and unmuted her phone. “There is nothing going on with Woods and Blaire. He has just become a friend of hers and wants to help out. That’s all.”

Bethy rolled her eyes at something Jace said then called him crazy and hung up. “Okay, so he knows you’re pregnant with Rush’s baby and he’s giving us a condo for dirt cheap? This is like the best thing ever. Wait until you see this place. If he lets us stay after the baby is born your room is plenty big enough for a crib! It’s perfect.”

I couldn’t think that far ahead. Right now I just needed to go find Woods and talk to him. If I did leave in four months I didn’t want this deal to go away for Bethy. I needed to make sure of that before I let her get too excited.

Rush

Jace had called to let me know the girls were moving into the condo on the club property today. I hadn’t seen her since the incident on the golf course. Not for lack of trying. I’d tried to put myself in her path at the club several times and it never worked. I’d even stopped by yesterday and she’d been gone. Darla had said she and Bethy were both off work so I assumed they’d gone to do something together.

I pulled up to Bethy’s apartment and instantly noticed Woods’ car. What the hell was he doing here? I jerked my door open and headed for the door when I heard Blaire’s voice. Turning I walked toward Woods’ car until I saw Woods leaning against the wall it was parked beside and listening to Blaire with a smile on his face. One I was about to wipe off.

“If you’re sure, then thank you,” Blaire said quietly as if she didn’t want anyone to hear her.

“Positive,” Woods replied as his eyes lifted to meet mine. The smile on his face disappeared.

Blaire turned her head to glance over her shoulder. The surprise on her face as her eyes met mine hurt. Maybe I shouldn’t be here right now. I didn’t want to lose it and scare her off but I was real close to going into a blind rage. Why were they talking alone? What was he positive about?

“Rush?” Blaire said, walking away from Woods and toward me. “What are you doing here?”

Woods chuckled and shook his head then opened his car door. “I’m sure he came to help. I’ll leave before he takes that ugly scowl out on me.”

He was leaving. Good.

“Are you here to help us move?” she asked, watching me carefully.

“Yeah, I am,” I replied. The tension left me as Woods’ BMW roared to life and he drove off.

“How did you know we were moving?”

“Jace called me,” I replied.

She shifted her feet nervously. I hated that I made her nervous.

“I wanted to help, Blaire. I’m sorry about Nan the other day. I’ve talked to her. She won’t be—”

“Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to apologize for her. I don’t hold it against you. I understand.”

No, she didn’t. I could see it in her eyes that she didn’t understand. I reached out and took her hand. I just needed to touch her somehow. She trembled as my fingers brushed her palm. Her teeth bit down on her bottom lip the same way I wanted to.

“Blaire,” I said and stopped because I wasn’t sure what else to say. The truth was too much right now.

She lifted her eyes from our hands and I could see the desire there. Really? Was I dreaming this one up or was she… was she really? I slipped a finger up her palm and caressed the inside of her wrist. She trembled again. Holy shit. She was affected by my touch. I stepped closer to her and ran my hand slowly up her arm.I was waiting on her to push me off and put the distance between us I expected from her.

When I got high enough my thumb grazed the side of her breast and she grabbed my free arm as she shuddered. What the fuck? “Blaire,” I whispered, pressing her back until she was against the brick wall of the apartment building and my chest was inches away from touching hers.

She didn’t push me off and her eyelids looked heavy as she stared at my chest. Her breathing was heavy. The cleavage the little pale pink sundress showed off was right there under my nose. Rising and falling as if it was an invitation.An impossible one. Something was off here.

I put my other hand on her waist and slowly slid it up her body until my other thumb was tucked under her breast. She wasn’t wearing a bra. Her nipples were hard and erect poking against the thin material of her dress. I couldn’t stop myself. I eased my hand up and covered her right breast squeezing it gently. Blaire whimpered and her knees started to give out. She let her head fall back on the wall and closed her eyes. I held her steady and slipped my leg between hers to keep her from sinking to the ground.

With my other hand, I covered her left breast and ran the pads of my thumbs over her firm nipples.

“Oh God, Rush,” she moaned, opening her eyes and staring at me through her lowered lashes. Holy fuck. I was in some form of tortured heaven. If this was another dream I was going to be pissed. It felt too real.

“Does that feel good, baby?” I asked, lowering my head to whisper in her ear.

“Yes,” she breathed, sinking down further onto my knee. When her warm center pressed against my leg she gasped and gripped my arms harder. “Ahhhh,” she cried out.

I was going to come in my pants. I’d never been this turned on in my life. Something was different. This wasn’t the same. She was almost desperate. I could sense her fear but her need was stronger. “Blaire, tell me what you want me to do. I’ll do whatever it is you need,” I promised her, kissing the soft skin under her ear. She smelled so damn good. I kneaded her breasts in my hands again and she let out a pleading whimper. My sweet Blaire was incredibly horny. This was real. This wasn’t a damn dream. Holy fuck.

“Blaire!” The shrill call of Bethy’s voice was like a bucket of ice water thrown over Blaire. She stiffened then stood up dropping her hands from me and scooted away. She couldn’t look up at me.

“I… uh… I’m sorry. I don’t know…” She shook her head and hurried away from me. I watched until she was at the door and Bethy was talking to her sternly. Blaire was nodding. Once they went inside I slammed both hands against the brick and muttered a string of curses while I attempted like hell to get my raging hard on under control.

After a few minutes the door opened again and I turned to see Jace walking out. He looked over at me and let out a low whistle. “Damn man, you work fast.”

I didn’t even respond to that. He didn’t know what he was talking about. Blaire had been hungry for my touch. She hadn’t pushed me away. She’d been almost begging me silently. It made no sense but she’d wanted me. God knows I wanted her. I always wanted her.

“Come on. We have a couch to move. I need your help,” Jace said, holding the door open.

Blaire

What was wrong with me? I walked back into Bethy’s bedroom and closed the door. I needed a minute to calm down. I’d been ready to beg Rush to screw me right there. It was that stupid dream. Okay, maybe last night’s dream hadn’t been stupid but it had been extremely intense. Thinking about it had me squeezing my legs together.

Why was I doing this now? Sexual dreams were one thing but now they were vivid and so real I was basically orgasming in my sleep. It was insane. Not once in Sumit had I been this horny. But then Rush hadn’t been in Sumit.

I sank down onto Bethy’s mattress that she had stripped for the move. I had to pull myself together around him. He hadn’t been trying to come on to me but I’d been a panting wild woman from the moment his fingers touched my hand. How embarrassing. Facing him after that was going to be hard.

The door opened and Bethy walked in with a small grin on her face. Why was she grinning now? She’d jumped all over me when she’d caught me outside. “Your pregnancy hormones are kicking in,” she said after the door was firmly closed behind her.

“What?” I asked confused.

Bethy cocked her to head to the side. “Have you not read any of those pamphlets the doctor sent home with you? I’m sure one of them tells you about this.”

I was still confused. “About the fact I can’t control myself around Rush?”

Bethy shrugged. “Yeah. I guess he’d be the one that did it for you. But you get horny while pregnant, Blaire. I know this because my cousin used to make jokes about his wife when she was pregnant. Said he had a hard time keeping up with her and all.”

Horny? Pregnancy was making me horny? Just great.

“Probably only gonna be an issue with Rush. I figure he’s the only person you are attracted to and want that way. So it’s just gonna be more intense around him. Maybe you should tell him and enjoy this. I have no doubt he’d help out.”

I couldn’t tell him. Not yet. I wasn’t ready and neither was he. Nan would be furious and I couldn’t handle Nan right now. Besides, Rush would choose Nan and I couldn’t handle that again either. “No. He doesn’t need to know. Not right now. I’ll be better.”

Bethy shrugged. “Fine. I said my piece. You don’t wanna tell him, then don’t.But when you crack and fuck his brains out, could you not do it in public?” she asked with a smirk, then opened the door and walked back out.

“You need to wrap it up in a quilt first! You’re gonna ruin my cushions,” Bethy yelled at the guys.

I could face him. He didn’t know about this. I would act like nothing happened. Besides I needed to help do something. I could finish packing up the kitchen.

Rush was watching me. Everytime he came back into the apartment to move something else his eyes found me. I’d dropped a bowl, spilled a box of cereal and dumped out a box of flatware because of those heated looks. How was I supposed to concentrate and not be a clumsy idiot with him looking at me like that?

When he walked back into the apartment this time I decided I’d go pack things up in the bathroom instead. They would be moving the kitchen table and chairs next and I just couldn’t deal with that. I’d probably break every glass Bethy had.

I stepped into the bathroom and suddenly there was a body behind me moving me in further. The heat from Rush’s chest pressing against my back made me shiver. Dangit. I wasn’t going to be able to handle this.

The bathroom door closed and the familiar sound of the lock clicking into place only made my heart beat faster. He wanted more of what had gone on outside and I was so worked up by being near him I wasn’t going to be able to think straight.

His hand brushed the hair on my neck away and he moved it over my shoulder. When the warmth of his lips touched my bare skin I may have whimpered. Both of his hands rested on my hips and he pulled me back against him even more. “You’re driving me crazy, Blaire. Insane, baby. Fucking insane,” he whispered against my ear. It took all my willpower not to let my head fall back on his chest.

“What was that outside? You had me so damn worked up I can’t think straight. All I can see is you.”

His hands moved up my sides then moved over my stomach. The almost protective placement of them, even though he had no idea what he was protecting made me tear up. I wanted him to know. But I also wanted him to choose me… and our baby. I didn’t think he could do that. He loved his sister. I was terrified of that kind of rejection and I refused to let my baby be rejected.

I started to move out of his embrace when his hands moved up to cup my breasts and his mouth began nibbling on the curve of my neck. Oh hell. I might not trust him with my heart but I really wanted to trust him with my body. Even if it was just this once.

“What’re you doing?” I asked breathlessly.

“Praying to God you won’t stop me. I’m a starving man, Blaire.” He paused waiting on me to reply. When I didn’t, he reached up and pulled the straps of my sundress down until my breasts were bare. They felt swollen all the time now and it made them so sensitive. I was going without a bra more and more. My bra didn’t exactly fit anymore and I hadn’t wanted to spend money on a new one if this bigger boobs thing didn’t last long.

“Damn, baby. They look bigger,” he said as his hands covered them.

Wetness instantly pooled in my panties and my knees went weak. I grabbed the wall for support. Nothing had ever felt this good. A needy sound came out of my mouth but I wasn’t sure what it was.

Suddenly I was being picked up and spun around. Then my bottom was put on the counter before Rush’s mouth covered mine and his hands went right back to my breasts. I wasn’t going to be able to stop this. I wanted it like I wanted my next breath. I had never needed sex of any kind before but this was something I couldn’t control.

Rush’s kiss was wild and as out of control hungry as I felt. He bit down on my bottom lip and pulled my tongue into his mouth and sucked. Then he tugged on my nipples and I lost it. I needed his shirt off now. Grabbing at it I yanked until he stepped back a fraction and jerked it over his head. Then he was devouring my mouth again.

His hands were doing delicious things to my breasts and I couldn’t get him close enough.

A knock sounded at the door and Rush pulled me up against his chest until my breasts were pressed against him. I shuddered and closed my eyes from the pleasure. He turned his head toward the door. “Go the fuck away,” he snarled at whoever was out there.

A smothered laugh was all we heard before Rush was kissing a trail down my neck and across my collarbone until his mouth hovered over my right nipple. The heat from his breath made me tremble and I grabbed his hair and forced his head closer with my silent plea. He chuckled, then pulled my nipple into his mouth and began to suck. The wetness in my legs caught on fire or at least it felt like it did. If he hadn’t been holding me down with his body I might have shot through the ceiling.

“Oh God!” I screamed, not caring if anyone heard me. I just needed this. My reaction made Rush greedier. He moved to my other nipple and began giving it the same treatment as his hand moved up the inside of my thigh. The idea that he was about to touch my very swollen wet area made me scared and excited at the same time. He’d know something wouldn’t he? Could he tell I was different down there too? Then his fingers ran along the outside of my panties and I just didn’t care anymore.

“Fuck. You’re soaking wet,” he groaned and buried his head in my neck. His breathing was hard and erratic. “So wet.” His fingers slipped inside the crotch of my panties and into my swollen folds causing fireworks to ignite in my body.

I grabbed onto his shoulders. My nails were digging into his skin but I couldn’t help it. He was touching me. His mouth moved to my ear as he kissed me and his heavy breathing tickled my skin. “Such a sweet pussy. It’s my pussy, Blaire. It’ll always be mine.” His naughty words as his finger slid in and out of me sent me close to the edge again.

“Rush, please,” I begged, clawing at him.

“Please what? You want me to kiss that sweet pussy? ‘Cause it feels so damn hot and juicy I need a taste.” He was pulling my panties off and I was lifting my butt to allow him to. Then he pulled my dress up and I raised my hands to let him remove it.

“Sit back,” he ordered, moving me himself until my back touched the wall. Then he took both of my legs and bent them up until my feet were on the counter and I was wide open to him. “Damn, that’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” he whispered before dropping to his knees and covering me with his mouth. The first lick if his tongue and I was coming again.

“Oh god, Rush please, oh god, ahhhhh,” I cried out as I held his head unable to let him stop. It was too good. The flick of his tongue over my clit was incredible. I needed more. I never wanted this to end. His finger slid through my opening then held it open as he licked and kissed me there.

“Mine. It’s mine. You can’t leave me again. I need this. You smell so fucking perfect. Nothing is ever going to be this damn perfect for me,” he murmured, as he tasted me. I was ready to agree to anything he wanted.

“I need in you,” he said, lifting his eyes to look up at me. I just nodded.

“I don’t have a condom,” he paused and closed his eyes tightly, “but I’ll pull out.”

It didn’t matter now. But I couldn’t tell him that. I just nodded again.

Rush was up with his jeans down instantly. He grabbed my hips and moved me back to the edge of the counter until the head of his erection was touching me. The question in his eyes was unmistakable even if he didn’t say it aloud. I reached down and guided his erection inside me.

“Fuck,” he moaned as he pressed the rest of the way until I was full. Completely full of Rush. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him. For just a second I needed to hold him. This wasn’t about my crazy hormones anymore. Now that he was in me I felt home. Complete and I was about to cry. Before I could embarrass myself and confuse him I lifted my head and whispered in his ear. “Fuck me.”

It was as if I’d pulled the trigger on a loaded gun. Rush grabbed my hips with both his hands and let out a growl before pumping in and out of me. The climb toward the spiral I knew was going to come started up again and I rode him. Enjoying his moment of surrender and the complete abandon on his face as he brought us closer and closer to the climax we needed.

“I love you, Blaire. I love you so damn much it hurts,” he panted then lowered his head to suck on my nipple. My body went off and I cried out his name. Rush lifted his head, and looking into my eyes, started to pull out and I clamped my legs around his waist. I didn’t want him to pull out. The understanding of what I wanted hit him and he said my name in a whisper before throwing his head back as he pumped his release into me.

Rush

Blaire pushed me back and jumped down off the counter before I could get my head clear from that orgasm. “Wait, I need to clean you up,” I told her. I actually just wanted to clean her up. I liked it. No, I fucking loved it. Knowing I’d been there and I was taking care of her did something to me.

“You don’t need to clean me up. I’m fine,” she replied as she reached for her discarded dress and slipped it back on without making eye contact with me. Shit. Had I read her wrong? I thought she wanted this. No. I knew she wanted it. She’d been so damn hungry for it.

“Blaire, look at me.”

She paused and picked up her panties. I swallowed hard as she stepped into them and slid them back up her body. I needed her again. She couldn’t walk away from me now. I wasn’t going to be able to live through it if she did.

“Blaire, please look at me,” I begged.

Stopping, she took a deep breath then lifted her eyes to meet mine. The sadness there was mixed with something else. Embarrassment? Surely not. I reached over and cupped her face with my hand. “What’s wrong? Did I do something you didn’t want me to? Because I was trying not to lose control. I was trying real hard to do what you wanted.”

“No. You… you didn’t do anything wrong.” She dropped her eyes from mine again. “I just need to think. I need some space. I didn’t… I wasn’t… We shouldn’t have done that.”

Stabbing me in the chest would have been less painful. I wanted to pull her to me and go all cave man claiming she was mine and couldn’t leave me. But then I could lose her. I couldn’t go through that again. I had to do this her way. I let my hand fall from her face and I stepped back so she could leave.

Blaire lifted her face to look up at me again. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, then opened the door and escaped.

She had just blown my world away with amazingly hot sex and she was sorry. Fantastic.

When I finally emerged from the bathroom Blaire was gone. Jace smirked and Bethy made excuses for her. I didn’t want to be there anymore either. After I made sure all the heavy stuff was moved and Blaire’s suitcase and box were packed up I left. I couldn’t stay there while the two of them watched me. They’d heard us. Blaire had been loud. I wasn’t ashamed; I was just tired of them looking at me and waiting on me to say something to explain Blaire’s departure.

I gave Blaire a couple days to come to me. She hadn’t. I wasn’t surprised. But she’d asked for space and I’d given her all the space I could handle. I didn’t call anyone to play a round of golf with me. I didn’t want anyone around when Blaire showed up. We needed to talk. No distractions or excuses for her to ride off.

It had sounded like a firm plan but after six holes and no cart girl I was beginning to wonder. Just as I was about to walk to the next hole I heard the sound of the cart. I stopped and turned around. The blood that had started pumping through my veins from the idea of seeing Blaire out here and having her alone froze when I realized it was that blond girl that I’d seen training a few times with Bethy. Shit.

I shook my head and waved her on. I didn’t want a drink from her. She smiled brightly and drove on to the next stop.

“It’s hot out here. You sure you don’t want something?” Meg’s voice asked and I glanced back to see her walking up dressed in a white tennis skirt and polo. She’d been big into tennis ten years ago too.

“Wrong cart girl,” I replied and waited on her to catch up to me.

“You only buy from one?”

“Yep.”

Meg looked thoughtful then nodded. “I see. You have a thing for a cart girl.”

‘A thing’ didn’t even scratch the surface. I pulled my golf bag up on my shoulder and started walking to the next hole. I wasn’t going to respond to that comment.

“And he’s touchy about it,” Meg quipped. That annoyed me.

“Or it’s just not your business.”

She let out a low whistle. “So it’s more than a thing.”

I stopped and leveled my gaze on her. Just because she was my first fuck didn’t mean we had any kind of bond or friendship. This was pissing me off. “Let it go,” I warned.

Meg put her hands on her hips and her jaw fell open. “Oh my god… Rush Finlay has fallen in love. Holy shit! I never thought I’d see the day.”

“You haven’t seen me in ten years, Meg. How the hell do you know anything about me?” The annoyed snarl in my voice didn’t even make her flinch.

“Listen, Finlay. Just because you haven’t seen me in ten years doesn’t mean I haven’t seen or heard about you. I’ve been back in town several times but you were always partying it up at casa de Finlay and screwing every model perfect body that came your way. I didn’t see a point in showing back up in your life. But yeah, I’ve seen you and like the rest of this town I know that you’re a rich, gorgeous player who can have his pick of the litter.”

I sounded shallow. I didn’t like the picture she painted of me. Did Blaire see me that way? Not only can she not trust me to choose her and protect her butshe must think I’ll just move on when someone else comes along. Surely she knows that isn’t true.

“She’s amazing. No… she’s perfect. Everything about her is fucking perfect,” I said aloud then shifted my gaze back to Meg. “I don’t just love her, she owns me. Completely. I’d do anything for her.”

“But she doesn’t feel the same way?” Meg asked.

“I hurt her. Not the way you’re thinking either. The way I hurt her is hard to explain. There is so much pain in what happened that I don’t know if I can ever get her back.”

“Is she a cart girl?”

She was really hung up on the cart girl thing. “Yeah she is,” I paused and wondered if I should tell her exactly who Blaire was. Saying it aloud to someone and admitting this might help me make sense of it. “She and Nan have the same father.” I hadn’t meant to say it like that.

“Shit,” Meg muttered. “Please tell me she’s nothing like your evil little sister.”

Nan had very few fans. I didn’t even flinch at the accusation that she was evil. She’d brought this on herself. “No. She’s nothing like Nan.”

Meg was quiet a moment and I wondered if this was as far as this conversation was going to go. Then she shifted her feet and pointed back toward the clubhouse. “Why don’t we go have some lunch and you can tell me all about this very strange situation and I’ll see if I can’t come up with some wisdom or at the very least female advice.”

I needed any advice I could get. There were no females in my life I could ask for help. “Yeah, okay. Sounds good. You give me any advice I can use and lunch is on me.”

Blaire

This was the second day that I had woken up without getting sick. I’d even had Bethy cook bacon to test me out before I came in for the lunch shift. I figured if I could survive the bacon then I could do this. My stomach had rolled and I’d gotten nauseous but I hadn’t thrown up. I was getting better.

I called Woods and assured him I would be fine. He told me to come on in because they were short staffed and he needed me. Jimmy was standing in the kitchen grinning when I walked in thirty minutes before the lunch shift.

“There’s my girl. Glad that stomach virus has gone. You look like you lost ten pounds. How long were you sick?” Woods had told Jimmy and anyone else who asked that I had a virus and I was recovering. I’d only worked two shifts on the course and I never ran into kitchen staff while on the carts.

“I probably did lose some weight. I’m sure I’ll gain it back soon enough,” I replied and hugged him.

“You better or I’m shoving donuts down your throat until I can wrap my hands around your waist and have my fingers not touch.”

That may be sooner than he realized. “I could use a good donut right now.”

“It’s a date. After work. You, me, and a twelve pack. Half chocolate covered,” Jimmy said and handed me my apron.

“Sounds good. You can come see my new place. I’m staying with Bethy in a condo on the club property.”

Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up. “You don’t say. Well, well, well aren’t you highfalutin’?”

I tied my apron on and tucked my pen and pad in my front pocket. “I’ll take the first round if you prep the salads and make the sweet tea.”

Jimmy winked. “Deal.”

I headed out to the dining room and luckily the only guests were two older gentlemen I’d seen before but I didn’t know their names. I took down their orders and poured them both a cup of coffee before heading back to check on the salads.

Jimmy had two already made for me and was holding them up when I walked back into the kitchen. “Here ya go hot stuff,” he said.

“Thanks gorgeous,” I replied taking the salads into the dining room. I delivered the salads and took the drink order of new guests. Then I headed back to get their sparkling water and spring water with lemon. No one ever just ordered water around here.

Jimmy was heading out the kitchen door when I got there. “I just got the two women who look like they came off the tennis courts. I think I saw Hillary… isn’t that the hostess today? Anyway I think I saw her talking to more guests so there should be a table waiting to be greeted.”

He saluted me and headed back to the dining room.

I quickly finished getting the special waters and put the two orders of crab bisque the men had requested onto my tray thenreturned to the dining room when Jimmy’s panicked expression caught my attention.

“I got this,” he said, reaching for my tray.

“You don’t even know where it goes. I can carry a tray Jimmy,” I replied rolling my eyes. He didn’t even know I was pregnant and he was being silly…

Then I saw him… or them. Jimmy wasn’t being silly. He was protecting me. Rush’s head was tilted forward as he talked about something that caused that intense serious expression on his face. The woman had long dark hair. She was gorgeous. Her cheekbones were high and perfect. Long heavy lashes outlined her dark eyes. I was going to be sick. My tray rattled and Jimmy was taking it from me. I let him. I was about to drop it.

He wasn’t mine. But… I was carrying his baby. He didn’t know. But… he’d made love to me, no he’d fucked me, in Bethy’s bathroom just three days ago. This hurt. So bad. I swallowed but my throat felt almost closed. Jimmy was saying something to me but I couldn’t understand him. I was unable to do anything but stare at them. He leaned in so close to her like he didn’t want anyone to hear what he was saying.

Her eyes shifted from Rush’s and they met mine. I hated her. She was beautiful and refined and everything I wasn’t. She was a woman. I was a girl. A pathetic girl. Who needed to get the hell out of here and stop making a scene. Even if it was a silent scene, I was still just standing frozen staring at them. She studied me and a small frown creased her forehead. I didn’t want her asking Rush about me and pointing me out. I spun around and fled the dining room.

As soon as I was out of the guests’ view, I broke into a run and ran right into Woods’ hard chest. “Whoa there sweetheart. Where are you running off to? Still too much for you?” he asked sticking his finger under my chin and tilting my head up so he could see my face.

I shook my head and a tear escaped. I was not going to cry about this, dammit. I’d asked for it. I’d pushed him away. I’d walked out on him after the amazing sex. What did I expect? That he’d sit around pining for me? Hardly. “I’m sorry, Woods. Just give me a minute and I’ll be fine. I promise you. I just need a moment to get myself together.”

He nodded and ran a hand up and down my arm in a comforting way. “Is Rush in there?” he asked almost hesitantly.

“Yeah,” I choked out, forcing the tears filling my eyes to go away. I took a deep breath and blinked them away. I wasn’t going to do this. I was going to control my crazy emotions.

“Is he with someone?” Woods asked.

I just nodded. I didn’t want to say it.

“You want to go to my office and chill out a bit? Wait until they’re gone?”

Yes. I wanted to go hide from this but I couldn’t. I had to learn to live with it. Rush would be in Rosemary for another month. I had to learn to deal. “I can do this. It was just a surprise. That’s all.”

Woods lifted his gaze from mine and a cold expression came over his face. “Go away. This is not what she needs right now,” Woods said in a hard angry tone.

“Get your mother fucking hands off her,” Rush replied.

I stepped back from Woods’ embrace and kept my eyes down. I didn’t want to see him but I also didn’t want him and Woods fighting either. Woods looked ready to fight for my honor. I had no idea how Rush looked because I wasn’t going to check and see.

“I’m fine Woods. Thank you. I’ll get back to work,” I mumbled and started to head back to the kitchen.

“Blaire, don’t. Talk to me,” Rush pleaded.

“You’ve done enough. Leave her the hell alone, Rush. She doesn’t need this from you. Not now,” Woods barked.

“You don’t know anything,” Rush growled and Woods took a step in Rush’s direction. Woods was either going to blurt out that I was pregnant and make it very obvious that he did know something or he was going to start throwing punches with Rush. It was once again time for me to get over this and fix it.

I turned back and went to stand in front of Rush. I looked up at Woods. “It’s okay. Just give me a minute with him. It’ll be okay. He didn’t do anything wrong. I was just being emotional. That’s all,” I told him.

Woods’ jaw worked back and forth as he ground his teeth. Keeping his mouth shut was proving difficult for him. He finally nodded and stalked away.

I had to face Rush now.

“Blaire,” Rush said gently as his hand reached out and grabbed mine. “Please look at me.”

I could do this. I had to do this. I turned around letting Rush continue holding my hand in his. I should remove it but I couldn’t just yet. I’d seen him with a woman who was probably keeping his bed warm at night while I continued to push him away. I was losing him. So was our baby. But then… had we ever really had him?

I lifted my eyes and met his worried gaze. He didn’t like upsetting me. I loved that about him. “It’s okay. I overreacted. I was just, um, surprised is all. I should have known you’d have moved on by now. I just—”

“Stop it,” Rush interrupted me and pulled me up against him. “I haven’t moved anywhere. What you think you saw you didn’t. Meg is an old friend. That is all. She means nothing to me. I came looking for you. I needed to see you and I went to play golf. You weren’t there. I ran into Meg and she suggested we have lunch. That’s it. I had no idea you were in here working. I’d have never done that. Even though I wasn’t doing anything. I love you Blaire. Just you. I’m not with anyone else. I never will be.”

I wanted to believe him. As selfish and wrong as it was I wanted to believe he loved me enough not to need anyone else. Even if I was pushing him away from me. I was lying to him. I hated liars. He would hate me too if I didn’t tell him soon. I didn’t want him to hate me. But I couldn’t trust him. Did lying make that okay? Was lying ever okay? How could he ever trust me?

“I’m pregnant.” The words came out of me before I realized what I was doing. I covered my mouth in horror as Rush’s eyes went wide. Then I turned and ran like hell.

Rush

My feet were cemented to the floor. Even as I watched Blaire running away from me I couldn’t move. Had I just dreamed that? Was it a desperate hallucination? Was I getting that bad?

“If you aren’t going after her I am.” Woods’ voice broke into my thoughts and I snapped out of my shocked haze.

“What?” I asked, glaring at him. I hated him. Beating his face in was something I was suddenly fantasizing about.

“I said, if you aren’t going after her I am. She needs someone right now. As much as I don’t want it to be you because I don’t think you deserve her it needs to be you.”

Did he know she was pregnant? My blood started to boil. Had she told Woods she was pregnant and hadn’t told me?

“I was here the first morning she tried to work and the smell of bacon sent her scrambling to the restroom to vomit. So, yeah I already knew. Get that crazed possessive gleam out of your eyes and go get her.” Woods’ tone was laced with disgust.

“She’s been sick?” I hadn’t known she was sick. My chest hurt. She’d been sick alone. I’d left her alone and she’d been suffering. Air wasn’t getting to my lungs.

“Yeah, you stupid shit, she’s been sick. That happens in her situation. But she’s getting better. Now I’m about to turn and go after her. Make your move,” Woods warned.

I broke into a run.

It wasn’t until I exited the building in the back and looked up the hill that I found her. She was still running. It was toward the condos. She was going back to her place. I went after her. She was pregnant. Should she be running like this? What if it was bad for the baby? She needed to slow down.

“Blaire, stop. Wait,” I called out when I was close enough. She slowed down and finally stopped as I caught up with her.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed with her face in her hands.

“What are you sorry for?” I asked, closing the distance between us and pulling her against me. I wasn’t worried about scaring her off anymore. I wasn’t letting her go anywhere.

“This. Everything. My being pregnant,” she whispered, stiff in my arms.

She was sorry. No. She wasn’t going to be sorry for that. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Don’t ever apologize to me again. Do you hear me?”

Some of the tension in her body eased and she leaned against me. “But I didn’t tell you.”

No, she hadn’t but I understood. It sucked but I understood. “I wish you had. I’d have never let you be sick on your own. I’d have taken care of you. I’m going to take care of you now. I’ll make up for it. I swear.”

Blaire shook her head and pushed away from me. “No. I can’t. We can’t do this. I didn’t tell you for a reason. We… we need to talk.”

I was taking care of her and she wasn’t leaving me. But if she needed to talk about it then I’d let her. “Okay. Let’s go to your place since we’re so close.”

Blaire nodded and turned to walk toward the condo she’d been running for earlier. Jace had said Woods was letting them stay there for the same amount as Bethy’s old apartment. He thought Woods was thinking of using it as a tax write off or something. I understood now. He’d been doing it for Blaire. He’d been taking care of her. Not anymore he wasn’t. I was taking care of what was mine. I didn’t need Woods doing it. I’d go talk to Woods later but I’d be paying the prime amount for rent on this place. Woods was not taking care of Blaire. She was mine.

I watched as she bent down and got the key from under the mat. That had to be the worst hiding spot ever for a key. I’d deal with that later too. I wasn’t going to be able to sleep at night knowing she had a key tucked under her front door mat for anyone to walk in on her.

Blaire opened the door and stepped back. “Come on in.”

I stepped inside and took her hand with me as I passed her. She might want to tell me all the reasons we couldn’t be together but I was going to be touching her while she talked. I needed to know she was okay. Touching her calmed me down.

She closed the door and let me pull her over to the sofa. I sat down and pulled her down beside me. I wanted to put her in my lap but the worried, nervous look on her face stopped me. She needed to talk and I was going to let her.

“I should have told you. I’m sorry I didn’t. I was going to; maybe not the way I did today but I was going to tell you. I just needed time to decide on where I was going to go next and what I was going to do with my life. I wanted to save up and go start somewhere new. For the baby. But I was going to tell you.”

She was going to tell me and then leave me? Panic gripped me. She couldn’t do that. “You can’t leave me,” I said as plainly as I could. She needed to understand that.

Blaire dropped her gaze from mine and studied our hands. I’d laced my fingers through hers. It was all that was keeping me calm at the moment. “Rush,” she said softly. “I don’t want my baby to ever feel unwanted. Your family...” she trailed off and her face had gone pale.

“My family will accept what I tell them to accept. If they don’t I will take you and my baby and leave them to pay all their own damn bills. You come first, Blaire.”

She shook her head and tugged her hand loose from mine as she stood up. “No. You say that now but it isn’t true. It wasn’t true a month ago and it isn’t true now. You will always choose them over me. Or at least you will Nan and that’s okay. I understand; I just can’t live with it. I can’t stay here.”

Not telling her about her dad was going to haunt me for the rest of my life. My need to protect Nan had fucked up the only thing important to me. I stood up and walked toward her as she backed up until she was against the wall. “No. One. Comes. Before. You.”

Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears and she shook her head. I hated that she couldn’t believe me.

“I love you. When you walked into my life I didn’t know you. Nan was my first priority. But you changed that. You changed everything. I was going to tell you but my mom came home too soon. I was so scared to death of losing you that I lost you anyway. Nothing is going to take you away from me again. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you. You and this baby,” I touched her flat stomach and she trembled, “come first.”

“I want to believe you,” she said through a sob.

“Let me prove it to you. Leaving me doesn’t let me prove anything. You have to stay with me, Blaire. You have to give me a chance.”

A tear slipped free and rolled down her face. “I’m gonna get big and fat. Babies cry all night and they cost money. I won’t be the same. We won’t be the same. You’ll regret it.”

She really didn’t have a clue. No matter how many times I told her, she didn’t believe me. She’d lost everyone in her life she’d loved and trusted. Why should she believe me? The only men in her life had left her. Betrayed her. She expected nothing else.

“This baby brought you back to me. It’s a part of us. I will never regret it. And you can get as big as a whale and I’ll love you anyway.”

A small smile tugged on her lips. “I better not get as big as a whale.”

I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

Her small smile quickly left. “Your sister. She’s going to hate this. Me. The baby.”

I would deal with Nan. If she couldn’t cope then I’d take Blaire and we’d go somewhere far away from my sister. Blaire had been upset enough. I wasn’t letting anyone else hurt her. “Trust me to protect you and put you first.”

Blaire closed her eyes and then nodded.

My chest swelled and I wanted to shout to the world that this woman was mine. But instead I picked her up. “Where’s your bedroom?” I asked.

“The last room on the left.”

I walked back there. I wouldn’t make love to her right now but I needed to hold her for awhile. I pushed the door open and I froze. The bedroom was a nice size for a condo but the blanket on the floor with a single pillow was just one more strike against me. When I’d moved them I had known Blaire didn’t have a bed. She’d been sleeping on the couch. But I had been so wrapped up in getting her back I hadn’t thought about her needing a bed.

“I haven’t got a bed yet. I could’ve just slept on the couch but I wanted to sleep in my own room.” Blaire mumbled, trying to get down out of my arms. I wasn’t letting her go. I held her tighter against me. She’d slept on the hard ground last night while I’d been sleeping in my big king size bed. Fuck.

“You’re shaking, Rush. Put me down,” Blaire said, tugging on my arm.

Without putting her down, I spun around and stalked back to the living room, then out the door. Slamming the door behind me I locked it and stuck the key in my pocket. I wasn’t sticking it back under that damn mat.

“What are you doing?” Blaire asked.

My car wasn’t here. Then I’d carry her back down the hill and to my Rover. “I’m taking you to get a bed. A big ass bed. One that costs a fucking fortune,” I growled. I was furious that I’d missed that one major issue. It was no wonder Woods had been taking care of her. I’d failed. I wasn’t going to fail her again. I’d make sure she had it all.

“I don’t need an expensive bed. I’m going to get a bed soon.”

“Yeah, real soon. Tonight,” I replied then bent my head and kissed her nose. “Let me do this. I need to do this. I need you tucked into the best bed money can buy. Okay?”

A small smile tugged at her lips. “Okay.

Blaire

I didn’t require more than a full size bed. However, Rush refused to get anything less than a king size bed, two bedside tables and a matching dresser with a gorgeous mirror. I made the mistake of looking too long at a pretty lavender quilt and matching shams. Before I knew what was happening he was buying the entire bed set complete with sheets and new pillows. I argued with him the entire time but he acted like I wasn’t talking. He just winked at me and kept placing his orders and giving the salesman directions.

By the time we got back from eating dinner, which he also was determined to feed me, the furniture was already being delivered. Bethy was standing at the door smiling when we drove up. She was loving this.

“Thank you for letting me do that today. I needed it. You may not understand but I needed to do that,” Rush said before I opened the car door.

I glanced back at him. “You needed to buy me an entire bedroom suite and expensive bedding?” I asked, confused.

“Yeah, I did.”

I didn’t understand but I nodded. If he needed to do it then I was going to appreciate it. I still couldn’t believe it was all mine. I was going to feel like a princess in my room. “Well, thank you for all of it. I wasn’t expecting anything more than a mattress. I wasn’t prepared to be spoiled.”

Rush leaned forward and pressed a kiss beside my ear. “That’s not even close to spoiling you. But I intend to show you exactly what spoiling is.”

I shivered and squeezed the door handle. I wasn’t going to let him buy me anything else. I had to stop this but the kisses around my ear made it hard to focus.

“Let’s go see how it looks,” he said as he leaned back.

Space. Had to get some space. I was ready to jump on him right now. Not a good thing. Control. The pregnancy hormones wanted to take over.

Rush was running around the front of the Rover when I opened my door and started to get out. He was in front of me taking my hands and helping me down like I was helpless before I could make a move to get down on my own.

“I can get out myself you know,” I told him.

He smirked. “Yeah but what’s the fun in that?”

Laughing, I pushed past him and made my way toward Bethy who was watching us like we were one of her favorite television dramas.

“Looks like the Pottery Barn decided to unload their latest shipment in your bedroom,” Bethy said, grinning like a kid in a candy store. “Can I sleep with you in that big ass bed tonight? The mattress is unbelievable!”

“No. She needs her rest. No bed buddies,” Rush said, walking up behind me and wrapping a protective arm around my waist.

Bethy’s eyes dropped to my waist and then back up at Rush. “You know,” she said, looking very pleased.

“Yes I do,” he replied. He tensed up behind me.

I felt horrible. One more person that I had told about my pregnancy before I told him. He had every right to be hurt. I was a liar. Would he figure this out and leave me now?

“Good,” Bethy said and stepped out of the way so we could walk inside.

“Why don’t you go make sure they’re putting everything where you want it,” Rush said to me when we got inside.

“Good idea.” I left him there to go check on the furniture. If he was mad at me he would have time to cool off.

The delivery guys were doing a good job with placement so I didn’t bother them. I was happy with where they were putting things. Walking back to the living room I heard Bethy whispering and I stopped.

“She’s better. She’s been sick a good bit but the past two mornings she’s hasn’t thrown up.”

“You call me the second she even looks like she might get sick.” Rush even managed to make his whisper sound like a demand.

“Yeah, I’ll call you. I wasn’t for the whole ‘don’t tell Rush’ idea. You did this to her. You need to be there for her.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he replied.

“You better not.”

Rush chuckled, “If she won’t live with me then at least she has you protecting her.”

“Damn straight. Don’t think I won’t help her disappear if you fuck this up again. You hurt her and she’ll leave.”

“I’ll never hurt her again.”

My chest ached. I wanted to believe him. I wanted to trust him. This was our baby. There was so much that was hard to forgive but I needed to learn how. I did love him. I was sure I always would.

I walked into the room and smiled. “They’re putting things right where I want them.”

Rush reached over and pulled me into his arms. He was doing that a lot lately. He didn’t say anything. He just held me. Bethy left the room and I wrapped my arms around him and we stood there like that for a long time. It was the first time I didn’t feel alone in a very long time.

Rush hadn’t asked to stay the night. I was kind of surprised. He hadn’t even done anything other than kiss me before he left. That hadn’t done much to cool off my dreams. I woke up once again right before an orgasm, very frustrated. I threw back my covers and sat up. I had lunch shift again today.

I’d called Woods last night and apologized about running out on him but he understood and asked me if things were okay. Rush had stood there listening to everything I said so I’d been in a hurry to get off the phone. I would get Woods alone today and talk to him. He was being very understanding.

He did have me in the dining room the rest of the week. The only day he had me on the course was Saturday because of the tournament. Everyone would be expected to work outside.

When I finally made my way to the kitchen I was greeted with a box of donuts. A small note was attached to the top. Smiling, I picked it up and read.

Missed you last night. I couldn’t eat these alone. Hope things are better. Love, Jimmy.

Crap! I’d forgotten about the donut date. Another person I needed to apologize to. But first, I wanted some milk and donuts.

Rush

I sat down in one of the leather chairs across from Woods’ desk. He was studying me and it pissed me off. I had been the one to call him and set up this meeting. Why was he so damn amused?

“I’m going to pay you the correct lease amount in full for the condo. I know what the going rate is and I’ve cut you a check for a one-year lease. Although, Blaire probably won’t be living there very long. As soon as I can get her to trust me I’m moving her in with me.” I slid the check across his desk.

Woods looked down at it and back up at me. “I assume this is because you don’t want me taking care of what is yours.”

“That’s right.”

Woods nodded and picked the check up. “Good. I shouldn’t have to take care of Blaire or your baby. But I would have. You may not believe me but I’m glad you know about the pregnancy. Just don’t fuck things up. You’re gonna have to make sure Nan keeps her claws in.”