New and…Improved? & Andrew in Excess

10

STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

Kat loaded a mass of peanut butter onto a slice of whole wheat bread and slapped it on another piece laden with jelly. She bit into the sandwich and stared out the window at the waves beating against the shore. Life was at a low ebb when a PBJ brought no joy.

Who was she kidding? All the flipping misery and public humiliation meted out by Nick’s embezzlement and defection had been child’s play compared to finding out she couldn’t trust Andrew.

And then to turn around and agree to spend a week at the beach house-of all the idiotic things to do. Everywhere she looked, memories assaulted her. She’d proposed to Andrew in this very room. She’d been hiding behind that oleander when he’d sneaked up on her and she’d flipped him. She’d had such high hopes then.

The doorbell interrupted her morose reverie. Dropping her sandwich onto the counter, she marched to the front door. All she’d asked for was a little time. Couldn’t he even respect that wish?

“Go away,” she shouted without opening the front door.

“Please let me in, Kat.” Even though the door muffled Bitsy’s voice, her distress came through clearly.

Kat sagged against the door in relief. She hadn’t realized just how much she really needed someone to talk to until she heard Bitsy. But Bitsy was no longer just a friend. She was still a sister-in-law. Had she known about the clause in the contract?

Turning the lock, she slowly opened the door. Bitsy wasted no time bulldozing in and wrapping her in a huge hug.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

Kat pulled back and posed the question that begged asking. “Did you know?”

Bitsy’s lips formed a straight line. “Not until about an hour ago.”

Kat shut the door. Of unspoken accord they moved into the den.

“Andrew called you?”

“I don’t think he would’ve except-” Bitsy pulled a wrapped object out of her purse “-he was adamant you needed this tonight.”

Curiosity overcame pride. Kat unfolded the toilet paper to reveal her night-light. “I forgot it when I left.” Tears spilled over. Why’d he have to be so damned nice and thoughtful? Why couldn’t he just leave her to wallow in her anger over his lie?

Bitsy gaped at the pink plastic. “He came clean with me and then forced me over here for a night-light?”

“I don’t like the dark.” Kat dashed away her tears and blew her nose on the crumpled toilet paper.

Bitsy fell to the couch as if it was too much for her to stand up. “What am I going to do with the two of you?”

“Bitsy, you can’t imagine how it felt to once again find out that my husband had a little secret he’d been keeping from me. And, once again, I was the last to know.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand what it feels like to be deceived by my husband. But what I do understand is this thing with Andrew is not the same thing as Nick.”

Kat wrapped her arms around her middle and leaned her head against the window frame. “It feels the same. And he knew, Bits. He knew it was the one point I was adamant about.”

“I’m not saying I agree with the way he did it, but I can’t say that I disagree with the underlying principle. Andrew will make a terrific dad. I’ve always known that, but I’d about given up on it ever happening.”

Kat silently agreed he had some pretty powerful father potential as she turned to face Bitsy. “Maybe. But I wasn’t looking for a stick-around dad or husband. You know-The Plan.”

Bitsy’s eyes narrowed. “Maybe your plan needed a little tweaking.”

“Oh, the plan was fine. I just picked the wrong man.”

Bitsy humphed inelegantly. “And I say you did a fine job picking.

“You would. He’s your brother.”

“Nothing to do with it. He’s yin to your yang or whichever way it goes. You two need each other and it doesn’t have anything to do with partnerships or babies.” Bitsy pushed back a strand of blond hair and queried with an arch look, “Or are babies already an issue?”

Kat remembered their weekend activities and felt the slow heat crawl up her face. “It’s a possibility.” She couldn’t stop her hand reflexively rubbing over her stomach.

Bitsy resembled the proverbial cat munching a canary. “Mmm-hmm.”

“We did have an agreement, you know.”

“Oh, okay. So it was all cool and detached. A business agreement fulfilled.”

She didn’t have to close her eyes to picture Andrew’s sweat-slicked body merging with hers in the garden. They’d been fulfilled all right, but there’d been nothing cool or detached about it. A wet warmth pervaded her just thinking about it. “Bitsy, I absolutely am not discussing my sex life with you.”

“Did I ask you to? Sweetie, I can’t tell you how thrilled I am to know you have one finally. What are you gonna do if there’s a little bun in the oven?”

The beginnings of a headache nudged her, and she massaged her temples. “I don’t know. I could drag Andrew to court to fight the clause in the contract, but neither one of us wants or needs the publicity.”

“And that’s the only reason?” Bitsy certainly knew how to press an issue.

“And I…care about him. I’ll stay until he gets his partnership. I know it means everything to him.”

“It used to. I’m not so sure anymore.” Bitsy scooted off the couch and stood. “I’ve got to pick up Juliana. Call me if you want to talk. And take care of yourself. You may have my niece or nephew in your Easy Bake oven there.”

Despite herself, Kat smiled at Bitsy’s nonsense as she followed her to the door. Kat hugged her. She’d needed a sounding board. Although she still felt terrible, at least she had vented.

“Thanks for listening. I’ll call you later in the week.”

“Anytime.”

Halfway to her car, Bitsy turned around. “Oh, I forgot to tell you. When I went by to pick up the night-light, Andrew was watering your plants.”

Hell’s bells. He was nurturing those plants. He really knew how to kick a girl when she was down.

KAT AWOKE from a not-so-sound sleep to a pounding on the door. The numbers on the clock read 11:30 p.m.

“Come on, Kat. Let me in. Ya gotta talk to me.” Her mystery guest was no longer a mystery.

She padded to the door without turning on any lights. “Go away, Andrew. It’s late.”

“I hafn’t talked to you in five days and three’n half hours. C’mon, honey.”

Kat’s astonishment that he’d been counting the days-and hours, apparently-was quickly followed by the realization that Andrew’s usual precise diction registered less than precise. Downright slurred, in fact.

“Have you been drinking?” She’d never even seen him tipsy. Not in any of the two and a half weeks she’d been married to him.

“Jus’ a few beers with Eddie. He tol’ me to talk to you.”

“Go home and go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” And tomorrow Eddie just might face castration.

“Uh-uh. It’s misable there without you. I need you.”

Kat pulled her humiliation at his betrayal around her like a suit of armor.

“You need me for your partnership. Go home.”

She nearly jumped out of her skin when he began belting out “You Are the Sunshine of My Life” in an off-key tenor.

Oh my God. Her straitlaced, Wall Street Journal reading husband stood drunk, and butchering good Stevie Wonder lyrics at the top of his voice.

Kat jerked open the door. “Shut up-”

Flashing blue lights racing down the road stopped her mid-sentence. Unfazed, unaware, uncaring-she wasn’t sure which one, perhaps all three- Andrew didn’t miss a beat.

Horrified, Kat watched the police cruiser pull into the driveway behind a waiting taxi. A burly officer jumped out and rushed toward them, his weapon readied. Andrew finally seemed to figure out he wasn’t at a Kmart special and turned to investigate the flashing blue lights.

“Wha’ the…?”

“Freeze, mister. Ma’am, are you okay?” The cop barked.

“Fine. I’m fine. Why are you here?” The revolver trained on Andrew froze Kat in her tracks.

Unfortunately, it didn’t have the same effect on her inebriated husband. He took a step toward the man in blue. “Yeah, wha’s the problem, Officer?”

“You seem to be, buddy. One of your neighbors called about a possible burglary in process.” The cop waved his gun toward the patrol car. “Spread ’em over there.”

Andrew shambled toward the car, a grin splitting his face. “If it’s a strip search, could I request her, Officer? She’s ma wife, ya know. And I haven’t seen her in five day and three and something hours.” The glare of the headlights illuminated his skewed grin. “And she’s wearing my favorite nightie.”

Kat tugged self-consciously at the hem of the lime-green T-shirt.

“Buddy, in case you ain’t noticed, I’m not Dear Abby, and your ass is about to be arrested if you don’t spread-eagle against that car pronto.”

Toto chose that moment to dash from the house and run gleeful circles around Andrew. Kat lunged after him. “No, Toto, no. Bad dog.”

Andrew, unsteady on his feet, lurched against the officer and landed on top of him. In a moment of joyous reunion, Toto celebrated in his favorite manner, lifting his leg on both Andrew and the outraged officer.

Quick as a flash the policeman slapped a pair of handcuffs on Andrew and yanked him to his feet.

Andrew seemed much more interested in Toto than his new steel bracelets. “At least you’ve missed me, hafn’t ya, little guy?”

Someone had to look out for Andrew, because he was doing a very poor job of it right now. Kat grabbed at the officer’s arm. “Wait a minute.”

“This is none of your concern now, ma’am.” The burly cop shrugged her off, opened his back door and bundled Andrew inside. “Buddy, you’re under arrest for obstruction of justice. You have the right to remain silent…”

ANDREW SAT ON A HARD BENCH in a holding cell and tried to block out the surrounding chaos. How the devil long could it possibly take for Eddie to raise bail and get him out of here? Nothing quite like being arrested to sober up a man. Fast. He and his arresting officer wouldn’t be getting together for a game of racquetball anytime soon.

“Okay, buddy, let’s go.”

Andrew glanced up in inquiry.

A skinny young man in uniform smirked at him. “Yeah, you. Your fairy godfather just arrived. Better hurry before he leaves without you.”

Andrew rose to his feet, ignoring the wiseass comment. He’d leave with a whole new perspective of the men in blue.

Eddie waited for him in the processing area, trying to swallow a grin.

“Don’t say a word until we’re out of here,” snapped Andrew.

“Okay. And you’re welcome that I got out of bed and came down here at three o’clock in the morning to haul you out of the tank.”

“Thank you. Now shut up.”

“Why don’t you take it outside, fellows-unless you just happen to like it here?” Sergeant Smartmouth suggested.

Andrew withheld comment until he and Eddie were out of the station and in Eddie’s car.

In the close confines of his sedan, Eddie wrinkled his nose. “Jeez, you stink. Did you sit too close to a drunk or what?”

“No, buddy.” That was a new name he’d learned to loathe this evening. “You’re smelling genuine dog urine. After Toto helped me body-tackle the policeman, he relieved himself on both of us.”

From the driver’s seat, Eddie made a choking sound. Andrew showed remarkable restraint in not finishing the job for him. He hated to render his only sister a widow and his niece fatherless.

Suddenly, bone weary, he laid his head on the back of the seat. “Edward, my life is out of control. My life has never been out of control. In the past three weeks I’ve been photographed publicly groping a woman, gotten married, had my eye blackened, had a room of three hundred think they heard me having sex with my wife, had my wife toss crystal at me like I was target practice before she left me, been double-crossed by my father, peed on by a dog twice and now arrested.” He didn’t throw in and fallen in love. It was too illogical for him to accept. “And do you know what I’ve done every night since Kat left?”

Eddie held up a hand to stop him. “I’d rather not know if you’ve been seeing Mary Thumb and her four sisters.”

Andrew shook his head. He’d resorted to several cold showers but not that. Not yet anyway. That couldn’t begin to compare to his memories of the taste, feel and smell of his wife that were driving him mad. “Oh, no. I go home after work every night and water her damn flowers.”

“Congratulations!” Eddie blew the car horn for good measure.

“What?”

“Congratulations on joining the real world.”

“Pull over.”

“Why?”

“You must be tipsy, and I’m not riding with anyone who’s been drinking.”

“Um, I think that’d be you. When I told you earlier tonight-or I guess last night now-to talk to Kat, I didn’t mean right then. But think about it. You’ve lived more since you met Kat than you have in your entire lifetime. And you just wait until the baby comes.”

Andrew recognized the truth when he heard it. But that didn’t mean that he had to like it or accept it. He countered, as much out of habit as conviction, “The law has always been my first love.”

Eddie pulled up in front of Andrew’s house. “That’s a load of bull! Sometimes I can’t believe you managed to graduate summa cum dummy from Harvard. The law is the law, whether you’re practicing at Winthrop, Fullford, and Winthrop or Lawyers ‘R’ Us. But you know what? There’s only one Kat Winthrop, and I believe they broke the mold with her.” Eddie reached across Andrew and opened his door. “Now get the hell out of my car, and try not to get arrested in the next twelve hours. I need my beauty sleep.”