Night Passage

Chapter 61

Jesse began reading Tammy’s diaries from the most recent entry back. It took him a day to reach the parts that seemed interesting, and yet another day to cut and paste them together into a narrative that he could study.

May 11 — Talked to Hasty Hathaway at the post office. He is the most important man in Paradise, kind of old.

Memorial Day — Hasty Hathaway was talking to me today at the Parade. He acts kind of interested. Its hard to tell with a guy as geeky as he is, but a girl can listen.

June 28 — Had a drink at the 86 last night. Looking good if I do say so. New white sweater, the black jeans I got that make my butt look really good. Hasty Hathaway bought me a drink, took me home. We stopped at Indian Hill on the way, and I thought he was going to come on to me, but we just talked. He’s really kind of nice, sort of a sad person. Who’d think so, all that money and everything. But he says him and his wife haven’t got much going in the sex department. Says he’s pretty lonely. Said he needs somebody like me to talk with. I told him he could take me out to dinner sometime if he wanted. He said he had to be careful in town, him being a married man and all, but we could go into Boston maybe. I said sure. He said did I mind him being married, and I said no. His wife’s married I said, not him. He thought that was pretty cute. Then be took me home and never even touched me. Strange guy. Fun, maybe.

July 9 — ate at the Ritz — Wow!!! — fancy as hell, lotta food I didn’t know what It was. We had caviar. I didn’t like it much. Hasty was asking me a lot of questions about Bobby and me and how come we got divorced and did I have a boyfriend. Mostly I think he was trying to find out about our sex life, sort of weird, but he can show a you pretty nice time.

July 13 — We had lunch at a place in town called Loc Ober’s. Really fancy. Had French Champagne too. After, he said he had a room at the Parker House and would I want to go there with him. Just like that, he said it. Like he was inviting me to go fishing or something. I didn’t answer him at first, cause I was thinking about how he’d be kind of funny looking with his clothes off, but I’ve done worse than Hasty, and I was feeling no pain and a girl needs to think about her future. So I say, sure, I’d love to, and we did. I figured a guy his age and all I’d have to work pretty hard to get his motor going, but Hasty was so excited when we got into bed that I thought he was going to come on the bedspread. No work at all. In fact it was over so quick I never really got going myself. After, Hasty gave me a nice ring. Solid gold with a little diamond in it. A real one.

July 29 — Hasty’s getting better. He lasts long enough now so I get something out of it. I mean it’s not like Bobby and me, but he’s getting the idea about touching me a little bit, first. I’m teaching him different positions. It’s like he thought there was only one. No wonder his old lady isn’t interested. I hope what I teach him doesn’t get her interested. He’s a good thing for me. I don’t want to lose him.

August 13 — Hasty says he loves me. He gave me a real pearl necklace for our one month anniversary (since we first did it).

August 24 — We had our first fight. Hasty doesn’t want me dating any other guys and I say to him “what about you. You got a wife. Maybe you should stop fucking her, you want me to stop.” Hasty says they only do it twice a month, but he can’t stop because she’d be suspicious. And I tell him he stops fucking her, I’ll stop dating other guys. I told him everybody knew his wife was fucking other people. And he said he didn’t like that kind of talk, like if he didn’t talk about it it wasn’t happening. At the end he cried and said he loved me and we did it twice and he gave me a nice gold ankle bracelet.

August 31 — Hasty heard about me dating Joe Hudson. He wanted to know what we did, and I told him none of your business and he got real mad and said he was going to break up with me if I kept going out with Joe. I told him you do what you want Mister nosy. I go out with anybody I want, unless you want to divorce the old lady and marry me. Well you should have seen his face. But then we did it and he cried while we were doing it and said he could never lose me and after he gave me a really nice set of pearl earrings to match the necklace.

September 7 — I told Hasty I thought it was sick, him asking all that stuff about Joe Hudson and if we had sex and what we did. He said he loved me so much he needed to know everything, and nothing would be as bad as what he imagined. Divorce your wife I told him and marry me, and then we can talk about whatever you want.

September 8 — Poor Hasty is so agitated about me and Hudson, and me wanting him to get divorced. I didn’t really mean I’d tell him about me and Joe. That would be tooo weird!!!!!! But if it gets him, it’s just a little white lie. I don’t really get it anyway. I do the same thing with Joe as Hasty. What’s so different about it???

September 11 — I told Hasty I was going to go public about me and him. I got all his letters. I said it was time for him to either go or get off the pot.

September 15 — Hasty says give him a week. He said he would make it right. I said okay, but I wouldn’t see him until he decided.

September 17 — Got some new jeans at Marshall’s and one of those great mid rift sweaters. Going to take myself out for a few drinks tonight at the 86.

September 17 was the last entry. Jesse read his cut-and-paste narrative sitting alone on the little balcony over looking the harbor. It was too cold to sit out there, even with his jacket on. But somehow it made the reading less painful to be out there, as if the openness of the setting compensated for the hermetic quality of the small life lived so briefly in the excerpted pages. When he was finished he sat for a long time looking across the harbor at the light from the Yacht Club.