Nightcrawlers

30

TAMARA

A lot of stuff happened over the next few days.

Some of it was kind of exciting. Lauren and her being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance with the siren on full wail. All the attention while she repeated everything that’d happened to the county law, then a bunch of reporters, then a couple of honest-to-God FBI agents. More than once hearing herself called a hero for saving Lauren’s life, even though she’d made a really stupid mistake there at the end that’d almost gotten both of them killed anyway.

Some of it was horrifying. The four filled graves out back of Lemoyne’s barn, one adult and three children, probably his wife and the real Angie and two other little girls he’d kidnapped. And the two freshly dug graves that’d been meant for her and Lauren. And somebody telling her Lemoyne had been examined in a hospital prison ward and he had a malignant brain tumor.

Some of it she could’ve done without. Doctors and nurses fussing over her in the hospital ER, poking and prodding in rude ways; she’d never much cared for medical people even when she was growing up. Telling her story so many times it began to sound remote and unreal in her own ears, as if it’d happened to somebody else. Answering the same questions over and over and over. Too much attention, too many people getting in her face.

And some of it-no surprise-was same-old, same-old.

Ma: “I almost had a heart attack when I heard. That’s twice in four months we almost lost you. I swear, worrying about you is going to drive your father and me into an early grave.”

Pop: “Why didn’t you call me that first night, tell me what you suspected? What in God’s name made you go back there by yourself and prowl around that man’s property? You’re too reckless, you don’t think before you act, you don’t follow the rules.”

Sister Claudia: “Of course I’m glad you saved that poor little girl’s life, but you shouldn’t’ve been in that situation in the first place. You’re not a wild child anymore, you’re supposed to be a responsible adult.”

Horace: “It makes me crazy, thinking about what almost happened to you… again. I understand how you feel about your career, you know I do, but maybe it’s time you took a leave of absence. Come back here and let me take care of you for a while. Will you at least give it some serious thought?”

Vonda: “Tam, my God, what a horrible experience. I mean, it must’ve been like living through a Samuel Jackson movie or something. Makes all my troubles seem pretty small, not that they are small. Not to me anyway. I thought Alton was gonna take Ben’s head off just for walking in the front door. And you should’ve heard Daddy go off on him when he said he wanted us to get married in a synagogue…”

Best part, far and away, was finding out Lauren didn’t have pneumonia, just needed an IV and some antiobiotics and a few days’ rest, and then later on going to the hospital with Bill and Jake to see her and meet her folks. Her dad had a city government job in Vallejo and her mom was a schoolteacher-nice mixed race couple. There were a lot of hugs and a few tears; she even got a little moist herself when the mother said, “Thank you for our daughter’s life.”

Lauren was all smiley and happy, surrounded by stuffed animals and her Alana Michelle African-American doll. As if the kidnapping, all that’d gone down up in Nevada County, had never happened. That was the great thing about kids-they were resilient, they could get on with their lives more easily than adults because they didn’t have all the grown-up baggage to carry around yet.

She got a long, clinging hug and a kiss from Lauren. And a whisper into her ear that made her blink and grin all over her face: “I love you, Tamara.”

Sweet little girl. Funny, but she had a feeling she was going to miss her a little. The bonding thing. Or maybe it was more than that. In fact, she knew it was. For the first time in her life tough Tamara, independent Tamara, really wanted kids of her own… someday.

JAKE RUNYON

It was Saturday before he had a chance to talk to Joshua in person, at the Hartford Street flat. If he’d thought about it beforehand, he’d’ve known how it would be, that it couldn’t be anything else. But he’d been too busy, too tired out, and so he walked into it cold.

The first thing Joshua said to him was, “I’ve been reading about you in the paper,” with a faint sneer in his voice. “Busy week, saving lives and catching bad guys all over the place. My father, the hero.”

“I’m not a hero. And I don’t give a damn about all the publicity. I’m just a man doing a job-a shitty job, most of the time.”

“Cops and plumbers, experts in shit.”

“Why the snotty remarks? What’s chewing on you?”

“Don’t you know?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I knew.”

“You expect me to be grateful, I suppose. Forget what you did to my mother, tell you all is forgiven and now we can start being buddies.”

“I don’t expect anything. I did what you asked as a favor, that’s all.”

“Is that why you didn’t tell me the truth about the bashings? Because you were doing me a favor?”

Runyon didn’t answer.

“You think I don’t know about Troy Douglass? Word gets around fast in the gay community. And I had to get blindsided with it from somebody else. I felt like a goddamn fool.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Voice dripping scorn. “So why didn’t you tell me?”

“I wasn’t sure of the real motive the last time I saw you.”

“Oh, bullshit. Don’t tell me you didn’t know about Kenny and Troy then. That’s why you wanted to talk to him alone at the hospital.”

“All right. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t think it was my place.”

“More bullshit. Didn’t think I’d believe you is more like it. Didn’t think I could handle the truth.”

Again Runyon was silent.

“I’m not stupid, you know,” Joshua said. “Or blind. I know what Kenny is, I’ve known all along. Troy wasn’t his first affair since we’ve been together. And I’m sure it won’t be the last.”

“Then why do you stay with him?”

“I love him, that’s why.”

“Enough to risk him giving you AIDS?”

“That’s right. You understand what it’s like to love somebody so much you can’t stand the thought of losing them, no matter what.” His belligerent, challenging tone. “That’s how much you loved the woman you left my mother for, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t leave your mother for Colleen.”

“But that’s how much you loved her.”

“Yes,” Runyon said, “that’s how much I loved her.”

“Well, at least I still have Kenny. And I’m going to keep him. He’s coming home tomorrow.”

Nothing to say to that.

“You should’ve told me,” Joshua said.

“And you’re going to hold it against me that I didn’t.”

“Well?”

“Another reason to hate me, another excuse not to deal with me.”

“I don’t need excuses. I have all the reasons I need, twenty years and a dead mother worth of reasons.”

No use in arguing, in any more talk; they might have been living in alternate universes, for all the connection between them. Neither of them said good-bye when Runyon left. He might see Joshua again and he might not; it wouldn’t matter to their relationship either way. His son was lost to him, had been lost to him the day the Seattle court granted Andrea sole custody.

Colleen was lost to him, too, but he had his memories of her. In that respect she was still alive, he’d have her as long as he lived and breathed. She was all he’d ever needed. She was all he’d ever really had.