No Such Creature

TWENTY-FOUR

Car doors slammed. Voices. One of them unmistakably Max’s.

“Not a sound,” Zig said, and gestured with the gun.

A twig snapped.

Sabrina made a run for it, forcing her legs to work. I’m going to get a bullet in the back, she thought. I’m going to die on this godforsaken road in this godforsaken state, and-

There was a gunshot and a tree spat bark at her face. She fell into some bushes. She could see Owen, and then Max, behind the trees on the other side of the road. How did everyone in the entire world know where to find her?

She crawled through the bushes, twigs and rock biting into her knees and shins. Zig jumped on her from behind and hauled her up by her hair, but not before she closed her fist around a sharp stone.

He gripped her arm like he would snap her wrist, forcing her to the edge of the trees. He yelled across the road.

“Come any closer, Max, the girl gets it.”

Max’s face appeared from behind a tree. Also a revolver.

“Zig? Is that you? I am extremely disappointed in you, Zig. A former classmate turning on me in my twilight years.”

“You’re a thief, Max. You should understand by now how thieves think.”

“Nonsense, sir. You insult the profession.”

“The profession doesn’t care.”

Sabrina brought the stone up hard and caught him in the side of the head. Zig staggered to one side, and she ran for her car. Her legs were still sluggish and she nearly fell, but she made it. The keys were on the floor.

“Sabrina, wait!”

Owen’s panicked face glimmered among the trees. She hit the gas.

“That girl has an impressive instinct for survival,” Max said quietly.

“I think she’s hurt,” Owen said.

“Her welfare is not first among my concerns at the moment.”

“Hey, Max,” Zig called. His head appeared around the corner of the cottage. “What do you say we call it a draw?”

“There are two of us and only one of you. We have a vehicle and you do not. How is that a draw?”

“I’m more ruthless than you,” Zig said.

“No doubt the late William Bullard would agree with you. Not to mention a brace of my colleagues. Clarify one point for me, Zigler. If you and your henchmen are the Subtractors, why are you minus two nipples?”

“That’s a long story, Max.”

“I have the time.”

“I don’t feel like going into it right now. I’d rather reiterate an earlier point: I am your basic ruthless criminal. I’m not all bad, but it would be fair to call me … uninhibited. Whereas you, on the other hand, are kind of a pussycat. I mean, you pride yourself on it, right? Max Maxwell, the gentleman thief.”

“Appearances deceive,” Max said. “The devil may take a pleasing shape.”

“Max,” Owen said quietly, “I’m gonna run to the car.”

“Don’t. He’ll shoot you dead in your tracks.”

“Well, you shoot at him first. Keep him busy.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. These are real guns, real bullets.”

“On three. One …”

“Don’t.”

“Two …”

“Owen, for God’s sake.”

“Three.”

Owen took off and Max reached around the tree, firing a series of shots across the road. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop Zig from firing at the same time, and Owen had to dive right back.

“Okay,” Zig called out, “now I have a question for you.”

“Fire away,” Max said. “So to speak.”

“How are you going to get to that car without me putting a bullet through your head?”

“Can I rely on your good nature? On your reputation as a gentleman?”

“You could try.”

Owen touched Max’s shoulder. “How many bullets do you have left?”

“In a word? One.”

“Shit. What about blanks?”

“There’s a box in the trunk of the car.”

Zig appeared around the corner of the cottage again. “Look, Max, I’m willing to call a truce here. Why don’t you throw out your gun and we’ll call it a day?”

“No deal,” Owen called out. “You throw out yours first.”

“No, thanks,” Zig said. “But I’ll tell you what I will do. I’ll put it away.”

There was a pause, then Zig stepped out into the open, hands in the air.

“Okay, look,” Zig said. “I know you’re not gonna shoot me in cold blood, and I’m not gonna shoot you either. I got my hands up. Gun’s in my pocket. Just come out of there and we’ll work this out.”

Owen looked at Max.

“We can’t trust him, lad. He’ll kill us soon as look at us.”

“You’ve got one bullet left. Are you willing to shoot him right now?”

Max shook his head.

“Maybe if we just toss him the keys to the car? Then he could drive away and there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Zig was coming toward them on the road. His hands were still in the air, but lower now.

There was the sound of a car coming, spitting gravel. Zig turned toward the noise.

The Mustang, coming fast. Zig reached for his gun, thought better of it, and started to run. The Mustang swerved and scooped him up off the ground, flipping him in a somersault up and over the length of the car. Sabrina pulled to a gravelly stop, did a three-pointer, and vanished once again up the road.

Zig lay still beside the road in a cloud of dust.

As Max crossed toward him, gun ready, Zig struggled to one knee.

Owen saw Zig reach, gun coming up. “Max! Watch out!”

Max fired, and Zig dropped the gun, slowly toppling to one side.

Max knelt beside him. Zig pawed uselessly at the dirt.

“Best take it easy, old son,” Max said.

Zig stared at the blood soaking through his shirt. “Shit. Look at that.”

“Sorry,” Max said.

“It’s not your fault.”

“True enough, I suppose. Wages of ruthlessness. All that.”

“Fuck, Max. I suppose I’m going to die now.”

“It does look that way.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Owen said. “We can phone an ambulance when we’re back on the highway.”

“Fuck that,” Zig said.

“Is there anyone you want me to call?” Max said.

Zig was turning paler than any man Owen had ever seen.

“Let me think.” He closed his eyes.

“Zig?”

He opened his eyes again. “I can’t think of anyone.” He squinted up at Owen, then at Max. “You know something?” he said. “This really sucks.”