Outlaw

Chapter Twenty-four

A HUM awakened in the back of Stephen’s mind. A whisper of concern for his mother’s safety. The emotion swelled. Deep sorrow tempted him, not for himself but for the woman held in a place of such ongoing suffering.

Surely she had found a way to continue in the light without forgetting who she was.

But what if she hadn’t?

He closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, and let the emotion pass without feeding it any resistance. Resistance only fueled deeper suffering.

The deep calm returned and he opened his eyes. He closed the cover and looked at the book. Shaka had marked the hide with a large O, the symbol for outlaw in the English tongue.

He understood now why knowledge of his mother would test him. It was the first time he’d been so directly confronted with another person’s suffering. He had no context for Julian’s role as his mother, but having read her story, he felt a deep compassion for her struggle. She’d seen the light and yet seemed to suffer still.

If his mother was still in the valley, perhaps he could go and set her free.

But of course! This was what Shaka must have in mind. This was his task now—to find Julian and help her see the light once again.

The thought swept through him and his body went rigid. He could not adequately or immediately describe the emotions swelling in his chest. They weren’t negative. Eagerness, perhaps. Delight.

Stephen wrapped the book up in its cloth, set the bundle on the earth beside the thatched wall, and ran from the cooking hut to find Shaka.

Jika, jika, jawa…today was going to be a fine day.

He checked the sleeping hut and found it vacant. But this wasn’t so unusual. Shaka often vanished early in the morning to find his way. Maybe he was in the tall hut. He dipped his head under the eaves and had one foot on the ground outside when he saw his teacher, watching him from the path at the edge of the clearing.

Shaka and one other.

A woman.

Stephen was so surprised by the sight that he jerked upright, hitting his head on one of the poles that supported the grass roof. He scrambled out and straightened, eyes fixed on the stranger by Shaka’s side.

He’d never seen a woman. Shaka had explained the significant differences between male and female among humans, and he’d witnessed the polarities in the jungle among all creatures.

But he wasn’t prepared for the fascination that swept through him upon seeing a woman in the flesh. And so close.

His first thought was of his mother. But Julian’s skin was lighter, like his, not dark like that of the woman twenty paces from him.

Shaka took the woman by her hand and led her forward. Her round eyes were dark, not pale blue like his own. Her frame smaller by a third, thinner at her waist, which supported a short skirt made of woven grass. She had breasts for feeding an infant.

Woman! This was a woman and a fine, fine one at that, though he had no point of reference. All were fine. She was magical in every respect.

Stephen found that he was so taken by the sight of this woman that he could not move. But there was no need to. Shaka was bringing her to him. And she seemed as fascinated by him as he was by her.

They came to a stop three paces away and for a while no one spoke. Shaka had told him that his affection for others might feel overwhelming. His heart was stripped of the judgments that many carried on their shoulders, he said.

Without any thought as to how the woman might react, Stephen stepped up to her and started to lift his hand, eager to make a connection with her. But he thought twice and glanced at Shaka.

“Can I touch it?”

“She’s not an it, Stephen.”

“No, no, of course not. It’s a she.” A small part of him began to feel awkward but he quickly allowed the feeling to pass. “I mean, she’s a woman.”

He returned his eyes to the woman, who was staring at him as if he’d fallen out of the sky.

“I only meant that you are very beautiful, and seeing as how I’ve never seen much less touched a female of my kind, I was wondering if I might touch your skin. Just to connect with you.”

She said nothing. So he gently rested his hand on her upper arm.

“Your skin is very soft,” he said.

She blinked but offered no other reaction.

“What is your name?”

“Her name is Lela,” Shaka said.

Lela! The girl who had helped his mother!

“Lela,” Stephen repeated. “I am Stephen.”

His hand was still on her arm and he lowered it, thinking that it was making her uncomfortable. He had to remember that others’ ways were not the same as his. He wasn’t sure how else to be, so he shrugged and took a step back.

His teacher was watching him, wearing only the hint of a smile.

“What does he think?”

Shaka was addressing his costume again.

“He thinks he is very happy to see a woman,” Stephen said.

“I’m sure he is. And he must know that this woman is not his.”

“No, never. No woman could be his. He owns nothing, nor ever will. Nor does any man or woman own anything. These costumes only think to possess what cannot be possessed.”

“Costume?” Lela said. Her voice was sweet, like a running brook, higher in tone and at once lovely to his ears.

“The name we use for body and mind,” Shaka said. Then to Stephen, “She’s only come to guide you.”

“Of course, Shaka. To guide. Guide me where? To the valley?”

Shaka eyed him. “You read the book?”

“Every word. You would like me to go and find my mother as she requests?”

“I know your mother,” the woman said.

“That’s good!” Stephen said. “She is well?”

Lela seemed to have recovered from her initial shock at seeing him. She slowly stepped around him, studying his body. “I’m the first woman you’ve seen?”

He turned his head, following her with his eyes. “The first.”

“You’ve grown into a strong man.”

“I have.”

Her brow arched. Why he found her so enchanting he wasn’t sure, but his attraction to her seemed greater than any he’d felt. Or perhaps it was only different.

Her eyes darted to Shaka. “No man can confront Kirutu and survive,” she said.

Stephen corrected her. “There’s no need to survive when one cannot die.”

He was only saying what he knew, but by the confusion on Lela’s face it was clear that she didn’t understand. She wasn’t of this knowing.

“You’re a naive boy who will die with me.”

“Die? I cannot die. Neither can you.”

“I am dead already!” she snapped, flinging out her hand. “I came only because Shaka called me. Julian is there still, under Kirutu’s rule of terror. Wilam is enslaved. If they discover that I’ve left the Tulim valley, they will put me to death.”

Stephen looked at Shaka. “Why haven’t you told me about this insanity before?” he asked.

“Because your time had not come,” Shaka said.

“And my mother’s time?”

“Has come as well,” he said.

So then…it was as he’d guessed. Once again urgency raced through his mind. It was going to be such a day indeed.

“Then we should go and show them the way out of their insanity,” he said. “We should leave immediately! Shaka, show Lela. Then we can enter the valley and show them all.”

“Show me what?” Lela said. “That I’m to trust a child to protect me where he sees no danger? I would be better off returning alone.” She made her plea directly to Shaka. “I beg you…come with us. Kirutu will only laugh at this one.”

“It’s his path to take. I wouldn’t dismiss him so quickly.”

She held his gaze for a long beat before he broke off and looked at Stephen.

“This isn’t for me to show her, it is for you. And only when you know it yourself, among those of your kind.”

“You are my kind.”

Shaka offered no agreement or disagreement.

“Lela has slept near the falls two nights, waiting. If you leave now, you will reach the valley by nightfall. Sleep before you enter it.”

Two nights? Shaka had left him alone for a night three days ago. Now he understood.

“She’ll show you the way to your mother. Find her, Stephen. She will know.”

“Know what?”

“Find her.”

“I will. You must not doubt this.”

There was a thread of question in his teacher’s eyes. He approached Stephen and took his hand. Smoothed his palm over his knuckles. When Shaka looked up into his eyes, that hint of concern had been replaced with a probing gaze of deep affection.

“The valley will be your great crucible, my son,” he said softly. “Everything I’ve taught you must be understood among your own.”

“Of course, Shaka.”

“You will be tempted to forget.”

“I will remember.”

“Nothing can threaten you.”

“Nothing.”

“Do not forget who you are. That you need nothing more, nor anyone to be complete. In this way you disidentify with all labels. Remember the words I spoke to your mother on the hill before she made a way. Be, Stephen. Only be the light. Never forget.”

The persistence of Shaka’s warning surprised him, but he’d learned to listen.

“I will never forget.”

“If you do, you will suffer. Many will suffer. The scales over Kirutu’s eyes are thick. His ears cannot hear. His heart is imprisoned by hatred. He is enslaved to his costume. He is terrified of death.”

“Darkness cannot exist where there is light.”

“You will see this darkness in a way you never have. It will know you have come.”

“My light will only chase it away.”

Shaka’s mouth slowly curved and a sparkle lit his eyes. “And how bright is your light!” He lifted Stephen’s hand and kissed his knuckles. “Forget nothing.”

Many times he had said this. Did he doubt what Stephen himself knew?

Shaka shifted his eyes to Lela, then stepped past Stephen to stand in front of her. He pulled her head close and whispered into her ear. Stephen saw her eyes soften over his teacher’s shoulder. Tears misted her eyes.

Stephen gave them their space, stepping several paces away and squatting as Shaka spoke through her fear. She’d called him naive—perhaps it was best to be naive. Her suffering was unnecessary, this he knew, but he felt a deep compassion for her, because she was so bound by fear. Perhaps Shaka was helping her see even now.

Not so many years ago Stephen had faced dreadful fear alone in the swamps at night while Shaka watched unseen, ready to rescue him if he couldn’t overcome the terror of death in the jaws of a crocodile or at a viper’s bite.

From Lela’s perspective Kirutu was that viper, poised to strike. She feared a future that by definition did not exist in the present and, therefore, was unreal. Her fear caused her to suffer unnecessarily.

Shaka kissed Lela’s forehead and she nodded, then stepped away from him.

Stephen stood as she approached, eyes moist. He didn’t fully understand what had pushed both Shaka and Lela into such a somber place, but this did not concern him.

Lela placed her hand on his chest and looked up into his face. “I will place my trust in you, son of Julian. Please, protect me. Keep me safe.”

He glanced at Shaka, but his teacher was looking off to the horizon.

“I will,” he said. “You have no reason to be afraid.”

Her faced softened. She looked at his chest and brushed her hand over his muscled arm.

“Your mother’s heart cries for you. She would be so proud. No Tulim could match your stature.”

To this Stephen could not respond. He hardly knew what to feel. Pride, perhaps, but he had long ago learned the price of pride.

He could not deny, however, that her hand on him seemed to deepen his affection for her.

“You are very beautiful, Lela,” he said. “No bird of paradise could compare to you.”

“I didn’t come for flattery from a young man,” she said.

He did not know the nuances of the word flattery, but the rise in her energy pulled at him, so he said more, thinking to lift her joy.

“I am overwhelmed by you.”

“And far too naive,” she said, using that word again. He ignored it.

Lela reached up and pulled his lower lip open. Looked at his teeth. Satisfied, she gracefully turned toward the path.

“I will take you.”

“I will follow.”

“Stephen,” Shaka said.

He turned. “Yes?”

“Take your spear. There are many boars in the Tulim valley.”