Over My Dead Body

Chapter 3

Booth Watson rose from behind his desk when his reluctant client entered the room. Mrs Christina Faulkner sat down opposite him, without bothering to shake hands with her husband’s lawyer.

Booth Watson looked across at the elegantly dressed lady who had been married to his client for eleven years, before they both decided to go their separate ways.

Both of them had had countless affairs, long before she’d issued divorce proceedings. However, after Miles was convicted of the theft of a Caravaggio and sent to jail, Christina felt on stronger ground until he died, when she assumed she had lost everything. That was before she turned up at the funeral to discover that her late husband was very much alive, and would have to cut a deal with her if he was going to be allowed to stay that way. Christina didn’t need to be told it was a game changer.

But the merry widow had also worked out that Miles Faulkner — or Captain Ralph Neville as he was now — was better alive than dead, because that way she could lay her hands on at least half of Miles’s fabled art collection, which she had signed away in their original divorce settlement.

Booth Watson was well aware of the shifting sands he was tiptoeing over, but still had one ace up his sleeve. Christina’s love of money.

‘I thought we ought to have a word about what will happen after the wedding has taken place, Mrs Faulkner,’ said Booth Watson.

‘Am I allowed to ask what you and Miles have decided on my behalf?’ asked Christina.

‘There shouldn’t be a great deal of difference from the present situation,’ parried Booth Watson, ignoring the jibe. ‘You will retain your home in the country, along with the Belgravia apartment. However, in future Monte Carlo will be out of bounds.’

‘Found someone else, has he?’

Somewhere else, Booth Watson could have told her, but that was not part of his brief. ‘You will continue to receive two thousand pounds a week for expenses, while retaining your housekeeper, maid and chauffeur.’

‘And have you two decided where you’ll be spending my honeymoon?’ asked Christina, making no attempt to hide any sarcasm.

‘Miles will not be spending a great deal of time in England during the next few months, so it will in effect be a marriage of convenience. To that end I have drawn up a binding agreement, which is ready for you to sign. Just remember, you get far more than you could have hoped for in return for your silence. You needn’t bother to read it as there won’t be any amendments.’

‘So we won’t be living together?’ said Christina, pretending to sound shocked.

‘That was never the plan, as you well know. Miles has no objection to you continuing your present lifestyle, but he would ask you to be a little more discreet in future, and to be available to accompany him as Mrs Ralph Neville on what we might describe as formal occasions.’

‘And if I’m not willing to sign?’ said Christina, sitting back, despite the fact that Booth Watson had already taken the top off his pen, turned to the last page and planted a forefinger on the dotted line.

‘You will be destitute, and end up living in sheltered accommodation.’

‘While Miles will be back in jail for a very long time, unless...’

‘Unless?’ repeated Booth Watson.

‘Unless he gives me the additional million I was promised in the original divorce settlement. I don’t have to remind you, Mr Booth Watson, that Miles is dead. Like you, I attended his funeral in Geneva, where I was touched by your moving address. If the police were to discover those were not his ashes I was presented with by the compliant priest, it might be a lot more than a million he ends up having to sacrifice. However, if Miles feels unable to keep his word, you can send back the wedding cake and cancel the caterers.’

A long silence followed, during which both sides waited for the other to blink.

‘And do remind him I’ve still got his ashes, which is no more than my insurance policy should he fail to deliver.’

‘Life insurance policies usually only pay out when you die.’

‘I left the urn to Detective Inspector William Warwick in my will, which I think might help him to make up his mind.’

‘Beware,’ said William, as he took a seat in the corner of an alcove opposite the fledgling detective. ‘If I were a contract killer, I would have known exactly where to find you at this time of day, which would make bumping you off that much easier. If you’re going to be a detective, you can’t afford to be a creature of habit. In future, James, I’ll expect you to find me. And I’ll never be in the same place twice.’

‘But a contract killer isn’t likely to be on board a luxury cruise liner.’

‘Unless his victim is on the way to New York, leaving us with over two thousand suspects.’

‘I saw you having breakfast with your wife this morning,’ said James, wanting to move on.

‘Never assume anything,’ said William. ‘Always open any investigation with a blank page.’

‘But you introduced her as your wife.’

‘Proves nothing.’

‘She was wearing a wedding ring.’

‘Married women have been known to have affairs.’

‘I don’t think a mistress would have ordered breakfast for you,’ said James, fighting back.

‘A fair assumption, but not beyond reasonable doubt. What’s the equivalent legal term in America?’

‘On the balance of judgement,’ replied James. ‘I also noticed that your wife appeared to be more interested in our table than yours,’ he continued, not allowing him to change the subject.

‘That’s called marriage,’ said William with a chuckle. ‘But I confess, she’s already turned your family into a gothic novel, with the juicy details supplied by our waiter.’

‘Franco,’ said James. ‘He’s served on my grandfather’s ships for over thirty years. No one knows the company, or the family, better. My grandfather offered him the chance to be the maître d’ on The Pilgrim, our flagship vessel, but he turned the old man down.’

‘Why would he do that?’ asked William.

‘He told me he didn’t want to lose contact with the passengers, but I suspect it’s more likely he didn’t want to forgo the tips he picks up on every trip.’ James paused. ‘I doubt if Franco is his real name, and he sure isn’t Italian by birth.’

‘Proof?’ demanded William.

‘The accent slips occasionally, and I once asked his opinion of Caruso, and it was clear he’d never heard of the great tenor.’

‘Reason for suspicion, but not proof. Although I do think he’s hiding something.’

‘What makes you say that?’

‘I’ve seen that look before when someone discovers I’m a copper.’

‘He did a short spell in prison before he joined the company,’ said James. ‘But even my grandfather doesn’t know about that.’

‘How did you find out?’

‘I was once on a voyage out of Southampton, when he asked to change tables.’

‘Did you find out why?’

‘One of the passengers came from somewhere called Hackney, and I saw a look of recognition on his face when he spotted Franco. I arranged for him and his wife to sit at the captain’s table one evening, in exchange for information. Even Franco doesn’t know I know. Mind you, there but for the grace of God goes my grandfather. Several well-chronicled near misses and one appearance in court, when the jury concluded “Not proven”.’

‘A less than subtle Scottish judgement. It usually means that both the judge and the jury aren’t in much doubt that the accused is guilty, but there isn’t enough evidence to convict. However, if you want to scale the heights your grandfather has reached, I suspect you’ll have to take the occasional risk along the way, especially when you start out with nothing.’

‘Grandpa started out with less than nothing. When his father died, he left his wife and two children with debts of around a hundred pounds. Just imagine how much that would be in today’s money. It took her years to pay it off, which was probably the reason she died so young.’

‘It may also explain why he’s so tough on his own children.’

‘Evidence?’ demanded James, imitating his tutor.

‘Franco told me that your uncle Hamish was recently sacked as deputy chairman of the company at the recent AGM. To be fair, I think the word he used was “replaced”.’

‘That’s common knowledge,’ said James. ‘It was well covered by the press on both sides of the Atlantic. I heard my father telling Mother that only the laws of libel prevented the papers from publishing the whole story.’

Franco appeared carrying a tray with a coffee and a hot chocolate.

‘Shall I tell the Chief Inspector the whole story about why my father became deputy chairman, Franco?’ said James, as the hot chocolate was placed on the table in front of him.

‘As long as you leave me out of it,’ said Franco, before disappearing even more quickly than he had materialised.

‘I doubt if you, or your father, know the whole story,’ said William. ‘I suspect the chairman has secrets he intends to take to his grave.’

‘Great-Aunt Flora will know the whole story,’ said James confidently.

‘Great-Aunt Flora?’ asked William, leaving her name floating in the air, in the hope it would induce the young man to even greater indiscretions.

‘After Grandfather left home to join the merchant navy, his sister Flora became the first person in our family to go to university. After graduating from Glasgow with an honours degree in math, she studied accountancy, where she came top of her year. Well, top equal. It seems they weren’t quite ready to admit that a woman might be brighter than any man from her intake. That all happened around the time Grandpa was discharged from the Royal Navy, having served King and country with distinction, as he never stops reminding us. He then somehow raised enough money to buy a clapped-out — his expression — ferry company that transported vehicles and passengers from the mainland to the island of Iona.’

‘I’ve sailed on one of those boats myself,’ said William.

‘Great-Aunt Flora told him he was bonkers, but as there weren’t many firms offering women serious jobs after the war, she reluctantly joined the company and took charge of the books. Her favourite expression remains: “While he raised the pounds, I took care of the pennies.” However, despite her natural caution and shrewd common sense, the company nearly went under on more than one occasion.’

‘What self-made millionaire hasn’t had to face that problem at some time in their career?’

‘On one occasion, Grandfather was within twenty-four hours of declaring bankruptcy, and would have done if the Dundee Bank of Trade and Commerce hadn’t come to his rescue. Even I haven’t worked out how he pulled that one off. All I know for certain is that when his first cruise ship was being built on the Clyde, at the end of one particular week he couldn’t afford to pay the dockers’ wages, and they threatened to go out on strike. He once told me he didn’t sleep for a week, and this is a man who slept soundly every night during the Battle of the Atlantic.’

‘I read all about the role he played in that encounter in the Ship’s Log.’

‘Not to be relied on,’ said James, tossing a ball in the air.

‘Why not?’ asked William, genuinely curious.

‘Grandfather wrote it himself. Or to be more accurate, should I be called to give evidence in court, he dictated every word of it to Kaye Patterson, his private secretary.’

‘Who, I suspect, was the lady seated next to you at breakfast.’

‘Not bad, Chief Inspector. But if I told you my grandfather has two secretaries, one who can spell and one who can’t, which is Kaye?’

‘The one who can.’

‘What makes you so sure of that?’

‘Your grandmother appeared to be having an animated conversation with her, which she was clearly enjoying,’ said William, as Franco reappeared by their side.

‘Anything more, gentlemen?’ he asked.

‘No thank you, Franco,’ said James.

‘Why does Franco want the passengers to think he’s from Italy?’ asked William once the waiter had left them.

‘He once told me you get better tips if the passengers think you’re Italian.’

‘I didn’t realize you were meant to tip the staff,’ said William, feeling slightly embarrassed.

‘Not until we dock in New York,’ James reassured him. ‘Small brown envelopes will be left in your cabin for your maid and your waiter. One hundred dollars each is the going rate, unless you feel they’ve done a particularly good job.’

‘You adore your grandfather, don’t you?’ said William, not letting him off the hook.

‘Unashamedly. He’s the reason I’m confident I’ll be offered a place at Harvard.’

‘Because of his money and connections?’

‘No, I don’t need those. Something far more important. I’ve inherited his energy and competitive spirit, although I lack his entrepreneurial genius.’

‘I suspect he still hopes you’ll become chairman of the company one day, by which time it will need a safe pair of hands to replace his entrepreneurial genius.’

‘That’s never going to happen. My father may well succeed him, but not me.’

‘How does your uncle Hamish feel about that?’

‘Still thinks he’s in with a chance of becoming chairman, otherwise he wouldn’t be hanging around, humiliating himself and his wife by joining us on this voyage.’

‘That bad?’

‘Worse. I think he’d do anything to stop my father becoming chairman. And if he wouldn’t, Aunt Sara certainly would.’

‘But by replacing him with your father as deputy chairman, your grandfather couldn’t have made his position any clearer.’

‘True, but don’t forget, Uncle Hamish is still on the main board, and nobody can be sure which way Great-Aunt Flora will jump when the time comes to appoint the next chairman; she may well have the casting vote. Not that the word retirement is one I’ve ever heard cross Grandfather’s lips.’

‘How do you know so much about what’s going on when you’re just a...’

‘School kid? That’s something else I’ve turned to my advantage. When I was growing up, my parents didn’t realize I was listening to every word they said at the breakfast table. But they’ve all become a lot more cautious recently, especially Uncle Hamish, so I’m going to have to be far more cunning in the future. That’s where you come in.’

William was once again taken by surprise, but he didn’t have to ask James what he had in mind.

‘I’ll tell you everything I know about my family, if you’ll show me how to take advantage of it. With your knowledge and experience, I may be able to stay a yard ahead of Uncle Hamish.’

‘But why bother, if you have no interest in joining the company?’

‘I still want my father to be the next chairman, so that in time I’ll end up owning the Pilgrim Line.’

‘You can add being devious to the gifts you inherited from your grandfather,’ said William, giving James a warm smile.

‘Possibly. But I still need to be even more cunning than my uncle Hamish, and more devious than Aunt Sara, if I’m going to have any chance of inheriting the company. Don’t forget they also have children who are only a little younger than me.’

‘In which case you’re going to have to stop thinking like a detective, and start thinking like a criminal.’