Patient Zero

Chapter Fourteen

Baltimore, Maryland / Saturday, June 27; 7:46 P.M.

I DROPPED RUDY at his office. As he got out of the car he said, “Joe I know how obsessive you can get about things.”

“Me? Really.”

“I’m serious. Church is on some creepy level of government and he told you to leave it alone. I think you should take him at his word.”

“Yeah, let me get right on that.”

“What’s your alternative? Poke at it with a stick until all the hornets come out of the nest? Think about it Church didn’t approach you through channels, that means he wants this kept off the record. That frightens me, cowboy, and it should frighten you.”

“I’m too wired to be scared. God I think I need to get totally shitfaced tonight.”

He closed the door and leaned in through the window. “Listen to me, Joe go easy on the booze. No screwing around. You’ve experienced two major traumas in only a few days. No matter how much of a macho façade you put on I know that killing those men at the warehouse had to do you some damage.”

“They dealt the play.”

“Like that matters? Just because they were doing something immoral doesn’t take away your emotional connection to it. This isn’t to say that you were in any way wrong. God knows I hope I would have the physical and moral courage to do what you did in there. You’re a white hat, Joe, but that comes with a price tag. You have a heart and a mind and pretty soon you’re going to have to open up those doors and take a close look at what kind of damage is there as a result of this.”

I said nothing.

“I’m saying this as your friend as well as your therapist.”

I still said nothing.

“Don’t think I’m kidding, Joe. This isn’t something you can shrug off. You’re required to have sessions with me about this, and you can’t go back on the job until I file my report. As of yet I don’t have anything to file. You’ve blown off two scheduled sessions so far. You need to talk about it.”

I stared out the window for a minute. “Okay.”

In a softer tone he added, “Look, cowboy, I know how tough you are but believe me when I tell you that nobody is that tough. A complete separation from your feelings is not proof of manly strength it’s a big glaring neon warning sign. I know you think you called me today to ask my opinion as a pal and as a medical doctor, but I have to believe that you’re reaching out for support for what you’ve been through. As far as this thing with Javad and Mr. Church goes well, if you were capable of simply shrugging that off with no traumatic effects then I would either be afraid of you or afraid for you.”

“I’m feeling it,” I assured him.

Rudy studied my face. “I have a two o’clock open on Tuesday.”

I sighed. “Yeah, okay. Tuesday at two.”

He nodded, pleased. “Bring Starbucks.”

“Sure, what do you want?”

“My usual. Iced half-caf ristretto quad grande two pump raspberry two percent no whip light ice with caramel drizzle three-and-a-half-pump white mocha.”

“Is any of that actually coffee?”

“More or less.”

“And you think I’m damaged.”

He stepped back and I drove off. I could see in the rearview that he watched me all the way out of the parking lot.