Play Dead

4

Judy Simmons, Laura’s aunt, was packing for the trip to Boston when the phone rang.

David is dead, Judy. Pretend all you want but you’re to blame…

She closed her eyes, struggling to shove the cruel voice away, but the accusations continued to echo across her mind.

You could have stopped it, Judy, but now it’s too late. David is dead and it’s your fault…

She refused to listen anymore. Judy had recently turned forty-nine, lived alone, had always lived alone, had never wanted to live alone. It wasn’t her fault. It was just that when it came to men she had the luck of Wiley Coyote chasing the Road Runner. To be more precise, her relationships with the opposite sex ended up being disasters of Hindenberg-like proportions. Though she wasn’t any great beauty like her sister Mary, she was attractive enough by most standards. Her face was pretty, if somewhat plain, and she had a very nice figure. Her most noticeable feature was her auburn hair, which she wore at shoulder length. Men had always liked her. The problem was that for some reason she always attracted the wrong kind of men.

That isn’t exactly true. I almost had the best. Twice.

But that was a long time ago. Best forgotten. Besides, she was happy enough. She was an English professor at Colgate College and while the winters got cold, she liked the small community lifestyle. She was content, satisfied…

Bored.

Maybe. But a little boredom was not always such a bad thing. Right now, she hoped for boredom, begged for it. She wanted no new surprises.

Her poor beautiful niece. Such an awful thing to have happen to Laura. But perhaps it was divine intervention, Judy thought, though it was strange for a woman who was in no way religious, for a woman who had always despised those ‘comforting’ words that glossed over tragedy as ‘God’s will,’ to have such thoughts.

But maybe that’s what it was. God’s will. Please let that be what it was. David’s death had to be God’s will. Or some bizarre, tragic coincidence. Or…

The alternative was too horrifying to even consider. She placed her heavy sweater in the Samsonite as the phone rang again. Her hand reached for the receiver.

‘Hello?’

‘Judy?’

It was her sister. ‘Hello, Mary. How are you feeling?’

Tears were her answer. ‘Awful,’ Mary said. ‘Laura still won’t talk to me. She hates me, Judy. I don’t know what to do.’

‘Give her some time.’

‘She’ll always hate me. I know it.’

‘Laura is in a lot of pain right now.’

‘I know that,’ Mary snapped. ‘Don’t you think I know that? I’m her mother, for chrissake. She needs me.’

‘Of course she does.’

‘Judy?’

‘Yes?’

There was a pause. ‘I didn’t tell you everything.’

‘What do you mean?’

More weeping came through the telephone line. ‘I should have called you earlier. I wanted to. Really. But I know you would have tried to talk me out of it.’

Judy’s heart lurched. ‘Mary, what happened? You didn’t…’

Still more tears. ‘What would you have done? Don’t you see I didn’t have any choice? She’s my daughter. I couldn’t just sit back. And now… Oh God, I never wanted this to happen.’

Judy’s fingers nervously twisted the telephone cord. Her mind jerked back. How long? How many people must pay before it all ends? And why must the innocent have to suffer too? Why must they pay for the sins of others?

Judy fought to keep her voice calm. ‘Just tell me what happened.’

Laura’s dark sunglasses helped cut down on the warm, summer glare, but that was not the reason she wore them. They served the larger purpose of hiding her puffy eyelids from both the world and cameras that surrounded her. She sat on the dais, T.C. on her right, Serita on her left. Earl was on the other side of Serita. The photographers were pushing to get closer to the pale widow, their cameras clicking at warp speeds. Laura noticed the way T.C. glared at them, his fists clenched in his lap.

They were at Faneuil Hall, one of the most popular leisure spots in Boston. It should have been called Food Hall. Sure, Faneuil Hall had a good variety of stores. There were clothing boutiques, bookstores, even a Sharper Image. But make no mistake: Faneuil Hall was about food, tremendous amounts of food, an abundance of food. The assortment was endless. There was an Indian food stand next to a Chinese, next to an Italian, next to a Greek, next to a Mexican, next to a Japanese, next to a Lebanese, next to… name a country and you probably named a restaurant. It was the United Nations of eating.

If you were for some odd reason hungry for something more, you could wash down your foreign feast at a tropical fruit bar or an ice-cream parlor or a frozen-yogurt stand or a cookie bakery or a candy shop. David had once remarked that you could put on weight just walking through it.

There was also inadequate seating in the market (next to none, actually) which helped make the experience all the more fun. Laura recalled how David used to love to watch some poor guy forced to stand, trying to balance a souvlaki in one hand, napkins in the other, a strawberry daiquiri under one elbow, a taco under the other, and lord knows what between the knees.

David used to love…

She could not believe she was talking about David when she used that phrase.

Used to…

Faneuil Hall attracted many people, but never had Laura seen it this crowded. From her seat on the podium, Laura looked down at thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands, of faces, a sea of people flowing into the distant horizon, a blanket of humanity thrown over the entire area.

Today the restaurants, the bars, the shops, the parlors were all closed and locked. Even the Boston Garden stood sadly in the distance, the weathered building watching over the proceedings like a grieving father over the funeral of a beloved son. Boston’s colonial brick buildings and modern glass skyscrapers grieved with heads lowered. It was as if the whole city – the people, the buildings, the streets, the monuments – had stopped momentarily to mourn the death of David Baskin.

From behind her glasses, Laura’s eyes darted left and right: David’s friends, his fans, his teammates, Faneuil Hall, the tired yellow and blue sign reading BOSTON GARDEN. It was all too much for Laura, a full-fledged assault on her senses. Her head swam. Her strength ebbed from her body. She could barely make out the eloquent words that were being spoken. Only a sprinkling of the sad passages came through the filter her mind had created. She guessed the filter was a defense mechanism saving her from a complete breakdown, but she really didn’t possess the energy to think it through.

‘David was fiercely loyal. If a friend had a problem, it was David’s problem. I remember a time when…’

She turned toward T.C. She had not seen him since he had dropped her off at Serita’s, but he looked like he had not slept or shaved since his arrival in Australia almost a week ago. He stared back at her with concern in his bloodshot eyes. She smiled at him as if to say she was all right and turned the other way.

‘He was one of the few people I ever knew who did not have to put you down in order to bring himself up. If you congratulated him on a good game, he would talk about the great play of his teammates. If you mentioned his hard work with the handicapped, he would talk about their bravery. But with David, this was no false modesty…’

The seat next to Serita was empty now as Timmy Daniels finished speaking and Earl took the podium. She tried hard to tune into Earl’s words. The ones she caught were beautiful, moving, straight from the pain in his soul. She noticed that Earl was tearing, his voice choked, his giant seven-foot frame heaving, and she remembered that David had once told her that Earl was the most emotional guy he knew.

But knowing their past, who would ever have imagined that Earl and David would end up being close friends?

Laura did not know anything about basketball back in the days when David had first encountered Earl on the basketball court, but she knew that it had been a shock to everyone when they became best friends – everyone, that is, save Clip Arnstein, who had arranged it all.

David and Earl had always been bitter rivals, starting from their high-school days in Michigan. Newspapers had fueled the rivalry by constantly analyzing the two, theorizing on who was the better college prospect. The media moved out in force for their match-ups, notably the three times they had met in the state championships. Earl had gotten the better of David in those games, his team winning two of the three contests.

Heading into college, both players were the nation’s top recruits. David ended up at the University of Michigan. Earl enrolled at Notre Dame. The rivalry became even more intense. Basketball fans debated the merits of both players, claiming their favorite of the two was the better. The media continued to compare the white player who stood six-five with the black seven-footer. All the talk in college basketball rotated around the two superstars.

And the two warriors did not disappoint. The University of Michigan and Notre Dame met in NCAA Final Four competition twice during those years. When they were just freshmen, David was forced to miss the big match-up with a freak broken ankle that occurred the night before the game. But luckily for every basketball fan around the country, their college careers culminated three years later when David met Earl head-on in the championship game.

It was easily the most eagerly anticipated game in the history of college basketball and became the talk of the sports world. Every sports magazine devoted major features on what was being billed the college competition of the decade. The cover of Sports Illustrated featured a photograph of David and Earl eyeballing and sneering at one another. The caption read:

WHO’S HUNGRIER FOR THE NCAA CHAMPIONSHIP?

And the game was worth the build-up.

From the opening tap, it was a contest of great genius, both teams moving with the precision of chess masters. But it was the ending that will forever adorn the history books. With twenty seconds left to play, Earl’s Notre Dame was up 87-86. David drove toward the basket and hit an off-balance jumpshot to put the University of Michigan up by one point 88-87.

The clock read seventeen seconds.

Notre Dame called their last time out. The coach drew up a play to go to Earl, who was having a brilliant game. Earl had already tossed in thirty-four points. And all he needed was to get his team two more and they would possess college basketball’s most coveted prize.

It was a simple play: give Earl the ball on the low post a few feet from the basket. Then just clear out and let him do his thing.

Notre Dame inbounded the ball. They passed around the perimeter, trying like hell to work the ball inside to Earl. But he was being covered closely.

Eight seconds remained.

Notre Dame’s point guard finally spotted an opening. He faked left and passed the ball inside. Earl caught it.

Three seconds.

Earl faked, turned, spotted a clearing, took one dribble, prepared to dunk the ball for the easy winning basket… and the ball was gone.

Earl quickly spun as the buzzer ended the game. David held the ball. He had stolen it from the big center, preserving the victory for his University of Michigan.

Earl had been devastated. The press could not get enough of the story. They claimed that there was trouble between the two superstars, that their rivalry had taken on nasty overtones, that they genuinely did not like each other. In truth, David and Earl barely knew one another off a basketball court.

Speculation about their dislike of one another began to increase when the media began to concentrate on which player was going to be the first pick in the pro basketball draft. Again, fans broke down into David and Earl camps.

That was when Clip Arnstein, a short, bald senior citizen who looked like he should be working for a deli rather than a pro basketball team, made the deal.

It had cost him. Many questioned the risk of trading three veteran players for two rookie draft picks, but Clip had been making successful deals since the late 1940s and was not about to let the skeptics start bothering him now.

The morning before the draft, the Celtics announced that they had secured the rights to the first two picks in the college draft. When the NBA Commissioner called for the Celtics’ senior president to select the first player, Clip Arnstein calmly stood, lit a cigar, reached into his pocket and yelled over to Earl Roberts, ‘Call it. Heads or tails.’

‘Excuse me, Mr Arnstein?’ Earl replied.

‘I said call it. Heads or tails.’

Earl shrugged. ‘Heads.’

Clip flipped the coin. ‘Heads it is. You’re the first pick in the draft. Baskin, you’re the second.’

The crowd was stunned. Suddenly the long-time rivals were teammates.

Earl was finishing his eulogy now. He concluded by looking over at Laura, smiling, and stating simply, ‘I love you, David, I always will.’

He turned the podium over to an ashen-faced Clip Arnstein. A more skeptical person would claim that Clip had lost his most valuable financial commodity and that was the reason for his devastation. But Laura had seen David and Clip together too many times to believe such nonsense.

She watched now as Clip walked over to the roped-off area where his own bronze image sat on a bench, the smile on his bronze face contrasting with the grimace of pain on his real one. He pulled away the sheet next to his likeness and revealed the new bronze statue. Laura and the entire audience gasped. Somehow, the artist had captured David perfectly, his crooked smile, his soaring spirit…

Laura wished she was dead, wished she could feel something other than the pain of losing David.

Please, I just don’t want to go on. I just want to be with my David, my beautiful David. Please don’t be dead. Don’t let my David be dead…

Mercifully, the ceremony ended. The crowd slowly drifted off, drifted toward cars that would take them back to the safety of their homes. Laura sat in a murky haze as people walked up to her.

Voices. So many voices.

‘I’m so sorry…’ ‘A real tragedy…’ ‘What a waste…’ ‘It’s always the good…’ ‘Why him?…’ ‘So sad…’ Laura just nodded tiredly, their words meshing together in a meaningless wave of sound. Then something was said that truly jarred her.

‘I’m David’s brother Stan.’

Somehow, Laura got through the funeral.

Somehow, the endless hours passed, the grim words were spoken, the casket buried in the earth. Somehow, Laura managed to numb her brain enough so that reality could not seep through her haze. If not – if she had truly understood what was going on – she would surely have started screaming, screaming until both her mind and her vocal chords snapped.

Her father helped her out of the car and gently led her into his house. A half-dozen other cars filled the circular driveway while down the street, a roadblock had been set up to keep the press away, but Laura could still hear their zoom-lens cameras snapping away, the constant clacking like buzzing insects in her ears. She felt her knees buckle again, but her father was there to prevent her from crumbling to the ground. He gripped her arm tighter and half carried her into the living room.

Being a private gathering, only those closest to David were in attendance. Laura could see David’s teammates, his coaches, Clip, Serita, Gloria, Judy, her father and of course, the surprise show, Stan Baskin. Odd that in this group the only person Laura had never met was David’s only living relative. In fact, David had mentioned Stan once, maybe twice, in all the time she had known him. She knew that they had not gotten along, but as of today whatever it was that had separated the brothers was in the past. Stan was family and he was here to mourn the death of his brother. In death, much is forgiven and forgotten, and that at least was a good thing.

After maybe twenty minutes, Laura found herself sitting on the couch alone, her eyes lowered toward her feet. A pair of neatly polished shoes came into view. Laura looked up into the face of David’s brother. The two brothers had by no means been identical, but there was no mistaking the family resemblance. Looking at Stan’s face twisted her heart until she felt the tears swell once again.

‘Won’t you sit down?’ she said.

‘Thank you.’

She paused, swallowed. ‘I’m very glad you could make it.’

Stan nodded slowly. ‘I’m so sorry. There is so much to say, so many things I should have said a long time ago.’

‘There’s no need.’

‘No, Laura, I really need to get some things off my chest.’ He took a deep breath, his handsome face grim and lined. ‘David was my baby brother. I can still remember the day he was born. I was ten at the time. David, you see, was the little accident.’

Quiet chuckle.

‘Anyway, I loved him like mad and he followed me like I was his hero. Wherever I went, he went with me. A lot of that may have been because our father had passed away, but you should have seen us back then. We were inseparable. We played in the yard, built snowmen, walked to school, collected caterpillars… how can two people who shared so much grow apart like that? How can things change so drastically? I never stopped loving him, Laura. No matter what came between us, I never stopped loving him.’ His shoulders hitched and then he began to cry.

Laura reached out and gripped his hands. ‘I’m sure he understands, Stan. I’m sure he never stopped loving you either.’

Stan continued to cry.

Oh, Stan My Man, you are brilliant. She’s buying it all! Now just don’t overdo it, my boy, and she’ll be crawling into your pants in no time at all.

He glanced up and laughed, but it just sounded like he was bawling more intensely. Her hand gripped his tighter.

How hot is she? She just buried her hubbie and already she’s holding my hand!

Laura watched him.

It was so sad. Stan would never be able to forgive himself for not telling David how he felt. And now it was too late. Too much time had been wasted with the petty.

Behind Stan, out in the hallway, a face peeked into the room, a face swollen from tears and torment of sleepless nights. The hair was a mess, the skin sallow and ghost-like. Laura thought about Stan and David’s relationship, the time they had wasted in some ridiculous argument with an origin that probably neither one of them could pinpoint. Now, Laura looked at the normally beautiful face of her mother and questioned her own behavior.

Everybody thought that Laura and David had secretly eloped to Australia to avoid the media attention. That was only partially true. The main reason they had run off had just stuck her head through the door. Laura wondered what she should do. She wanted so much to learn from Stan’s mistake, to let go of her anger and reach out to her mother but:

‘Laura, I want to talk to you.’

‘Sure, Mom. What is it?’

‘It’s about that boy you’re seeing.’

‘David?’

‘I thought I told you I didn’t want you to see him anymore.’

‘You did. A few times.’

‘So why aren’t you listening to me?’

‘Because I’m not eighteen anymore. I can see who I want to.’

‘But I don’t like this boy.’

‘Good thing you’re not dating him then.’

‘Don’t be such a smart-ass, Laura. I don’t want you seeing him.’

‘Why don’t you like him? You won’t even speak to him.’

‘I don’t have to. I know the type.’

‘The type? What the hell does that mean?’

‘Playboys with lots of money. That’s not for you.’

‘You know I wouldn’t be with him if he was like that.’

‘You’d be surprised what men could get away with.’

‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Just what it said.’

‘Well, David is not like that.’

‘Stop seeing him, Laura. That’s the end of the discussion. ’

‘I’m not going to stop seeing him. I happen to be in love with him.’

Pause. ‘Oh no, Laura, please tell me you didn’t mean that.’

‘Why? I don’t underst – ’

‘Exactly! You don’t understand. Just trust me on this. He’s not right for you. Look at his family history. His father – ’

‘He’s not his father! And how the hell do you know about that anyway?’

‘Please, Laura, I’m begging you. It can only lead to disaster. End it with him now before it’s too late.’

Now Laura’s eyes locked onto her mother’s for a brief moment. Most people remarked on how much Laura looked like Mary and to Laura’s way of seeing things, this was quite a compliment. She wanted to stand, to walk over, to throw her arms around her mother, to forgive her. But the pain was still too great, the need to blame someone for what happened – however unfairly – too strong to do any of those things.

Laura lowered her eyes and turned away.

Gloria stood in the corner, her hands fluttering nervously about her face. She looked across the room at her sister. Why does something like this happen to someone like David and Laura? Gloria had spent her life taunting Death, teasing him, dangling her life within his grasp. For some reason, he had never snatched it; she was never worth the effort. It was the good he wanted, those that mattered, those like David. Death did not have time for the insignificant.

She turned toward the bar her father had set up for the mourners. For the first time since Laura had dragged her to the clinic, Gloria really craved a drink, a toke, a snort, anything artificial that would deaden her nerves. Her father realized it. He and Dr Jennifer Harris, Gloria’s shrink, had not left her alone, and she was grateful for that.

Gloria was getting stronger. Most were amazed at how far she had come. But she had a long way to go. By now, she was well enough to know that she was far from fully recovered, that her progress and indeed the substance of her life were still fragile.

So she did not mind her father’s watchful eye, which was on her even now as he spoke with Timmy Daniels, one of David’s teammates. It felt nice. She smiled at him and turned back toward where her sister was sitting.

Gloria’s whole body quivered. She bit her lip. One little toke. One little snort. That’s all she needed. Then she would be fine. Then she could make it through the rest of the day. Then she would be able to sleep until tomorrow.

And what about tomorrow? Maybe two tokes, two snorts? And then what? She knew. She would start tumbling, tumbling until she didn’t care if she woke up in the morning, tumbling until she once again crashed at the bottom. And this time she would never find the strength to climb out.

A finger tapped her shoulder. She quickly spun. The man who had tapped her was very handsome and she recognized the face, if not the man, right away.

His voice was soft. ‘Excuse me for intruding. If you want to be alone…’

‘No, that’s okay.’

‘You must be Gloria.’

She nodded.

‘My name is Stan Baskin. I’m David’s brother.’

‘I’m so sorry about your brother. I loved him very much. He was a wonderful person.’

Stan lowered his head in a nod. ‘I loved him too, Gloria.’

‘It’s not fair.’

‘I… I just can’t believe my brother is really dead. I keep asking why this happened, if I did something…’

‘You?’

‘The truth is we fought a lot the last few years. You can’t imagine how much I regret the past. I wonder if I had been a better brother…’

‘You shouldn’t torture yourself.’

‘I never had a chance to say I was sorry,’ he continued,

‘to tell him how much I loved him.’ Stan took her hand then, his wet eyes finding hers. As much as she did not want to think such a thing right now, Gloria couldn’t help but be attracted to him. He was very handsome, with looks that were similar to David’s. And the way he had opened up to her, the way he had not been afraid to be emotional in front of her… just like David.

She could see now that he was on the verge of tears again. She reached out to hold him but he drew away. ‘I’m sorry to be troubling you, Gloria.’

‘Don’t be silly.’

‘You’re so beautiful and you’ve been so kind to me. I hope we can see each other again soon.’

‘I hope so too.’

‘I’m a stranger in Boston, and I feel comfortable with you and your sister. I… I hope you don’t mind if I call you once in a while.’

Why did her heart leap so when he spoke? ‘I’d like that, Stan. I’d like that very much.’

Stan turned away from Gloria and began to walk away.

Did you see that body? I thought ol’ Stan My Man was going to pass out! A rollercoaster doesn’t have that many curves. And Gloria digs me, no doubt about that. I can always tell -

Bam!

Somebody bumped into Stan with a significant amount of power. The blow knocked Stan out of his daydream. When he focused, he saw a face he had not seen in almost a decade.

T.C. glared at him. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ he hissed.

Stan quickly recovered. ‘Why, it’s little Terry Conroy. Long time no see. You’ve put on a few pounds, old buddy.’

‘I asked you a question.’

‘Can’t a man mourn the death of his only brother?’

‘A man, yes. A piece of shit like you, no.’

‘Big talk from the city cop. You are a policeman now, aren’t you, T.C.?’

‘What are you doing here?’

‘Is this an official interrogation?’

‘Call it what you want.’

‘How about none of your business?’

‘How about I smash your head through a window?’

‘Good idea, T.C. Why don’t you make a big scene in front of everyone and disturb their mourning? How does that sound?’

‘If you dare bother anyone – ’

‘Please, T.C., would I do something like that?’

‘Get the hell out of here.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry. I was under the impression this was the Ayars’s house. I never realized it was yours. The Boston Police Department must pay very well.’

‘What are you doing in Boston anyway?’

‘Paying a condolence call to my lovely sister-in-law.’

‘Let me warn you, shithead, that if you harm her in any way – ’

‘T.C., can’t you see I’ve changed? I’m a new man.’

‘Shit doesn’t change its stink. It only breaks down into nothing.’

‘Colorfully put. I must remember that. Anyway, as much as I’ve enjoyed this conversation, I really must be going now.’

‘Back to Michigan?’

‘Not yet. I thought I might hang around Boston for a while.’

‘I wouldn’t advise it, Stan. This city can be awfully tough on strangers.’

‘A threat? How nice. If you’ll excuse me…’

T.C. grabbed his arm. ‘I’m warning you, Stan. Don’t try to pull any of your shit. I remember what you did to David.’

For the first time, Stan’s eyes grew angry. ‘You know nothing about what happened between David and me.’ He pulled away but T.C. hung on. He pulled harder. ‘Let go of me now, you tub of shit,’ he half whispered, half yelled. ‘I happen to be his brother. I’m part of his family. You, on the other hand, are just another in a long line of people who sucked up to my brother for personal gain.’

T.C. let go. ‘Get out, Stan. Get out now.’

Stan pulled away, said his goodbyes, and left. As he headed for the door, he wiped away a tear, curious as to why it was so easy for him to get into the role of grieving for a brother he had so hated.

That night, Judy Simmons went back to the hotel by herself. She felt drained, exhausted from the events of the day. She sat on the bed and took her wallet out of her pocketbook. Her fingers reached behind her license and plucked out a thirty-year-old photograph.

Judy lifted the picture into view, her eyes entranced by the black and white images from 1960. She lay back and held the wrinkled photograph in the air above her head. She stared at the picture of the pretty, hopeful college co-ed and the handsome older man.

Why torture yourself?

But the truth was that her past did torture her. It had tortured them all, still tortured them, would continue to torture.

Not necessarily. I could tell the truth.

But what good would it do? Would it stop the torment? Release her guilt? Not really. Better to keep it a secret. Better to hope that all would be okay. Besides, she wasn’t sure what had really happened in Australia. It may have been just like they said. It may have been just an accident. A sad, tragic accident.

But it wasn’t.

She sat up and put the picture on the night-table. And what if it wasn’t an accident? What if…? She pushed the thought away. David was dead. Judy’s beautiful wonderful niece was crushed. Nothing could change that. It was in the past. The truth could not work as a time machine, allowing her to go back and make everything work out okay. The truth could not bring David back to life.

She glanced at the clock and picked up her suitcase. The truth. The only thing the truth could do now…

… was kill.