Playing With Fire

Chapter Twenty-two BLOOD AND SHADOWS

THEY DROVE deeper into the country, where the roads narrowed and twisted like snakes. Finally, they pulled up outside a dark old church and Sanguine got out, went around to her side and opened the door, then pulled her from the car.

He took her arm and led her up the cracked, overgrown path. Vines clung to the crumbling walls, and the small stained-glass windows were caked with grime and dust.

He pushed open the ancient double doors and guided her into the cold, dank church. There were still a few pews that hadn't rotted away, and there were hundreds of lit candles that sent the shadows dancing and pirouetting across the walls. The altar had been ransacked and cleared, replaced with a large slab, solid and proud, and upon that slab was the massive, bandaged body of the Grotesquery, covered in a sheet.

Baron Vengeous was waiting for them, clad in the black armor of Lord Vile. It was not what Valkyrie had expected. The armor did not clank, or rattle, and it cast no sheen. It seemed to be alive, subtly moving and reshaping itself even as she watched.

There were others in the church, Infected men and women, the vampire virus working through their bodies, changing them every moment that passed. They stayed in the shadows as best they could.

She could see Dusk now. His human form had grown back, but it had kept the scar across his face. It was deep, and ugly, and he was glaring at her with every ounce of hatred his blackened soul was capable of.

"Valkyrie Cain," Vengeous said, the mask distorting his voice into a rough whisper. "So nice of you to join us on this most auspicious of nights. The creature on this table will open the gateway for its brethren, and this world will be cleansed. The unworthy will be decimated, and we will usher in a new paradise, and it's all thanks to you."

Sanguine took Valkyrie by the elbow and led her to the front pew, where he made her sit beside him, and they watched Vengeous lower his head, his hands raised above the body on the slab.

Shadows started moving around Vengeous. The candles were flickering as though a strong wind was blowing, but the inside of the church was deathly calm.

"The Grotesquery's gonna feed on you," Sanguine whispered, almost casual. "That good ole boy's been down for the count — he's gonna need your blood in his veins. Gonna have himself a slap-up meal. You mind if I take pictures? Brought my own camera and everythin'."

"Knock yourself out."

"Thanks."

"No, really, run headfirst into the wall and knock yourself out, because I'm telling you, you better be unconscious when Skulduggery gets here."

Sanguine grinned and sat back. "I can handle Mr. Funnybones, don't you worry about that.

Pay attention now, darlin' — this is where it gets interestin'."

Valkyrie looked back at the altar, just as the shadows bunched up behind Vengeous and descended on him like a shroud. He stiffened and his body jerked, as if he was being shot through with electric currents. The shadows started flowing out through his fingertips and down, passing through the sheet.

"Mr. Sanguine," Vengeous whispered.

Sanguine pulled Valkyrie up and dragged her over to the slab. He grinned as he showed her his straight razor, then grabbed her wrist. She tried to struggle but he was far too strong, and she cried out as he ran the cold blade across the palm of her right hand.

But instead of running off her hand and dripping onto the sheet, her blood drifted to the shadow stream, mixing with it, twirling through it and around it, being fed into the body of the Grotesquery.

And that was when the double doors swung open and Skulduggery Pleasant strolled into the church.

The Infected snarled and Valkyrie pulled her hand from Sanguine's grip. Vengeous looked up from his dark work and his armor grew angry spikes, as Skulduggery walked up to the end of the aisle and sat in the front pew. He crossed his legs, settled into a comfortable position, and waved his hand in the air.

"Don't let me interrupt," he said.

Valkyrie frowned.

Not quite the rescue she'd been counting on.

The Infected moved into the light, closing in on Skulduggery, who was acting like he'd just popped by for a chat. Vengeous sent the last of the shadow stream into the Grotesquery and then stepped back. Valkyrie saw him sag slightly.

Vengeous brought his hands up to his head and undid the latches on the mask, lifting it off.

His face was pale and shiny with sweat. His eyes were narrow and cold.

"Abomination," he said. "You came here alone? No Cleavers with you? Mr. Bliss isn't by your side?"

"You know me, Baron; I like to take care of things myself. Also, when you beat me up, you broke my phone, so . . ."

A smile now, cracking across Vengeous's lips.

"Did you come here to witness the beginning of your end?"

"No, not really. I just came here to do this."

Skulduggery reached into his jacket, pulled out a small black satchel, and lobbed it onto the slab. It landed on the sheet, over the bandaged chest of the Grotesquery. Vengeous gazed at it, reached out . . .

"Wouldn't do that if I were you," Skulduggery said, holding up a small device. "One push of this button, and this lovely little church is decorated with bits of your god."

"A bomb?" Vengeous said, anger rising in his voice. His armor swelled and thickened protectively. "You think explosives could harm a Faceless One?"

"But that's not a Faceless One, is it? At least not a whole one. I expect it's a tad fragile, actually, after spending all that time locked away in a wall. And I'm betting all this has taken a lot out of you, too. That one little bomb could take you both out at the same time. Well, I say little, but it's actually about fifteen times more powerful than the last one I threw at you, and you remember how sore that was."

Sanguine pushed Valkyrie closer to the slab.

"You'll kill her right along with all of us."

"I don't have to," Skulduggery said patiently. "I either press this button and foil your insidious plot and kill my friend while I'm at it, or I don't, and we leave, and you just wait another three years for the next lunar eclipse. It's up to you, Baron."

Vengeous observed him. "Take her."

Dusk stepped forward. "The girl must die!"

"Silence!" Vengeous roared. He locked eyes with Dusk until the vampire backed down, the flickering candles playing with his scar.

Vengeous looked back at Skulduggery. "Take the girl," he sneered. "You won't get far."

"We'll get far enough. Valkyrie?"

Valkyrie held her hands out to Sanguine.

He glared at her, then put his straight razor on the slab and muttered. He undid the shackles and stepped back. Valkyrie joined Skulduggery as he stood and moved into the aisle, but not before she snatched up the straight razor.

"Hey!" Sanguine shouted.

"Be quiet," Vengeous snapped.

"She has my blade!"

"I said be quiet!"

Sanguine shut up. Valkyrie folded the blade into its handle and stuck it in her pocket. She moved backward, at Skulduggery's side, and the Infected moved with them.

"You're only delaying the inevitable," Vengeous said. "With this armor, I am the most powerful living being in this world."

"But are you happy?" Skulduggery mused, clicking the fingers of his free hand and summoning a flame. He cast the fireball behind them, at the ground near the doorway. The Infected hissed at the flames. Vengeous still hadn't moved any nearer to the satchel of explosives.

"I will take you apart, abomination."

"So at least I have that to look forward to," Skulduggery said. "You won't want to make any sudden moves until we reach the road — I'll know if you crazy kids disturb the air around the nice bag of explosives."

"Blow it up," Valkyrie murmured out of the corner of her mouth.

"Can't do that," Skulduggery replied in a whisper. He moved his hand and the flames parted in the doorway and they backed through them, out into the night air.

"Why not?"

"Not a bomb," he replied softly. "It's a bag with a collapsible jack, for changing tires."

"What about the remote?"

"It opens my garage door. Don't tell them, but it doesn't even have any batteries in it."

He waved his hand and the flames came together again to block off the exit. They kept walking backward to the Bentley, keeping eye contact with the Infected through the flames, making sure no one cheated and rushed out too early.

"Do we have a plan?" she asked as they backed away from the church.

"We need to get the Grotesquery away from the bad guys," he said, "so we'll have to split up. I'm going to leave; you're going to hide under the van, wait until they load the Grotesquery in there, and then you're going to drive off, right out from under their noses."

"What?"

"It'll be really funny, trust me."

"Skulduggery, I'm thirteen. I can't drive."

He looked at her. "What do you mean you can't drive?"

"Am I talking in code? I can't drive Skulduggery."

"But you've seen others drive, haven't you?

You've seen me drive. I daresay you've seen your parents drive. So you know the fundamentals."

She stared at him. "I know the big round thing sticking out of the dashboard turns the wheels. That fundamental enough for you?"

"The van over there is an automatic. You put it in drive, you go. You press one pedal, you go fast; you press another pedal, you stop. Easy."

She stared at him.

"Oh bloody hell," she muttered, and darted for the van, sliding beneath it as Skulduggery jumped into the Bentley.

The Bentley's engine roared, the tires spun, and it sped away from the church as a wave of darkness erupted from the doorway, extinguishing the flames. Dusk led the Infected as they poured out into the night, followed by Baron Vengeous, tendrils of shadows wrapping and coiling around him like angry snakes. He hurled the satchel to the ground, and the jack bounced into the long grass. He whipped the darkness against an Infected woman, who was blasted off her feet by the impact and went sailing high through the air.

Valkyrie stayed under the van and kept very, very quiet.

She saw Billy-Ray Sanguine walk up.

"She took my blade," he said. "Again."

"I don't care about your blade," Vengeous snapped. He turned to one of the Infected. "You.

Move the Grotesquery into the van. This place will soon be teeming with Cleavers, and I can't risk them damaging it."

The Infected hurried into the church, then came back out, carrying the crate. Taking extra care, they loaded it into the van. They moved back toward the church, waiting for more orders, and Valkyrie slid herself from cover and got to her feet. She could hear Vengeous issuing commands from the other side of the van, and she took a deep breath and reached for the door.

It opened with a faint click and she got in slowly, keeping low. The key was in the ignition. She looked around to get her bearings, risked a glance out the window at the bad guys, and then turned the key. The engine came to life.

Vengeous turned his head and frowned, moved to where he could see who was behind the wheel.

Valkyrie pulled the stick down to drive and stamped her foot on the accelerator. She yelped as the van shot forward, fought to gain control of the steering. This was not fun.

She wrenched the wheel to the right to avoid a tree, trying her best to keep the van on the narrow road. She saw the Infected running behind, but she couldn't afford to give them too much attention. It was seriously dark outside, and she didn't know where the lights were.

She took one hand off the wheel long enough to flick a lever, and the wipers dragged themselves across the dry windshield. She went over a rock and bounced in her seat. She tried another lever, and the turn signal started blinking. Cursing Skulduggery, she moved it up, down, to the side, then tried twisting it, and the headlamps suddenly lit up the road ahead, just in time for Valkyrie to cry out as the van swerved off the trail and hurtled over a hill.

Valkyrie was thrown around in her seat. Keeping one hand tight on the wheel, she clutched at the seat belt, yanking it across her. She glanced down, trying to find the latch that the seat belt clicked into. The bottom of the hill met up with the road again, and she tried to steer onto it, but the van just kept going and plunged down the next hill.

Valkyrie grabbed the seat belt again, this time finding the latch, and the seat belt clicked in and Valkyrie turned her full attention to driving, as the van hit a rocky outcrop, spun sideways, and rolled.

Valkyrie smacked her head against the window as the world turned around her. She heard glass breaking and metal crunching. She protected her head as she pitched forward, and her arms slammed into the steering wheel, honking the horn. The van rolled onto another road and settled back onto its four wheels.

"Owww," Valkyrie moaned. She looked up to the cracked windshield. Headlights. A car and a motorcycle were approaching, at speed.

Valkyrie pulled the door handle, and had to hit the door with her shoulder to open it. She tried to get out but the seat belt wouldn't let her. She fumbled at the orange button, and the belt retracted. Valkyrie stumbled out as the motorbike screeched to a halt.

The Bentley braked hard and Skulduggery jumped out, ran to her, and caught her as her legs gave way.

Words were exchanged, but Valkyrie couldn't make sense of most of them. There was a fuzz in her head as Skulduggery carried her to the Bentley. Her arm was hurting. She opened her eyes to see Tanith loading her bike into the back of the van, beside the crate, then getting in behind the wheel. Skulduggery said something in a faraway voice and Vallkyrie tried to answer, but her tongue was too heavy and all the strength left her body.